Disclaimer: *raises eyebrow as IRS agents come and say that I stole TP
copyright stuff* Please go away. I'm writing the disclaimer now that says I
didn't steal them. See? - I don't own Tamora Pierce books (SOTL, Immortals,
and PotS) - now go away!
Thanks go to: Maddy, CrystalRose, Jishoshojo (Thank you! Someone who reads TP AND Dragonlance! Finally! Oh, can you please give me your email address because I neeeeeed to discuss DoaVM with someone!!! If you didn't read it, I'm not going to say what I really want to, although I put it in my profile, so... whatever. ^_^), moonstream, White-wolf, Faithful (you'll like this, although, you might also start screaming at me at the end for my evilness... ), gremlinsRus, Lady Rogue (hehe... look down), sovereign, LadyIsabelle, TBA (Or Min, whatever you want me to call you ^_^), Shy (Cleon is so unlucky... and Snow*flake (still proud of you for sticking with me *grins*)
This chapter is dedicated to *drumroll* LADY ROGUE!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! *cough* Anyways, thanks so much. ^_^
Rebound - Chapter 5 - Fickle Emotions
Neal was worried. Never before had he seen so many important people go into the same room all at the same time.
He had seen Alanna and her husband, Baron George, at the entrance of the royal palace. He had greeted them, wondering why they were here. Alanna had told him that there was a matter of utmost importance that she had to discuss with the king. He couldn't get any more out of her, so he had followed her and made small talk until they reached the king's chambers. She had seemed preoccupied at the time, absorbed with whatever matter of importance the king had sent her for. She had bid him farewell and walked nervously inside with her husband.
Just then, Sir Wyldon and Myles of Olau had rounded the corner. Trailing closely behind them were Numair Salamin, Daine Sarrasri, and Lindhall Reed. They also looked equally nervous and tense, and had all but ignored him as they entered the room. Only Myles had said a hello. The rest had just nodded and carried on.
Neal wondered what the big commotion was about. He had heard of the king's meetings, where the most trusted of his advisors came and talked about the welfare of Tortall. Maybe something exciting was happening. He edged closer to the door, when he heard the pounding of footsteps coming from down the hall.
Burrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Neal looked down the hall to see a certain red head running down the corridor like a madman. Neal snorted; perhaps that court lady of his had not suited him after all. Then he frowned; there was a look on his face that made him think otherwise.
Cleon came closer to Neal and looked up when he realized Neal was watching him. Stopping short, he stared at Neal, then came up to him with the strangest expression on his face.
"So did she tell you?" Cleon asked, his voice shaky and awkward. Neal raised his eyebrows.
"Did she tell me what?" Neal was beginning to have an urge to punch Cleon again.
"Did Kel tell you about Raoul? About them?" Neal shrugged and looked disdainfully at the younger boy.
"What are you talking about? How you been listening to court gossip? Because I heard the same thing and it's not true." Neal looked warily at Cleon; how dare he actually think that about Kel?
"Yeah, that's what I though, until I saw them rutting together." Neal's face burst out into an ugly scowl and he headed toward Cleon and swung a fist at him, leaving Cleon sprawled out on the ground.
"How dare you, you little bastard? How can you say something like that about her?" Neal was livid in anger; his eyes blazed a vibrant emerald green.
"Because it's true. I saw them together. And don't you dare touch me again," Cleon replied.
Neal's eyes narrowed. "Yeah? And what if I do?" At that, he pounced on top of Cleon, trying to punch him as they rolled around together outside His Majesty's royal chambers.
Suddenly, they found that they could not move. The door was open, Alanna standing in the doorframe, eyes burning with rage. "What is the meaning of this?" she asked, her voice a deadly calm, although her eyes suggested otherwise. She took off the freezing spell so that Neal and Cleon could move. They stood up, shooting daggers at each other as they did so.
"Erm, Sir Nealan and I had a, uh, difference of opinion?" Cleon suggested.
"Was the a question or an answer, Sir Cleon of Kennan?" Alanna was angry at the incident, but she was also amused, Neal found. Having been squire to her for four years, he could tell by the twitch of her mouth that she found her one-time squire and one of his training-mates fighting quite entertaining.
"It was an answer, Lady," Cleon answered, more firmly this time. By that time, the king had slipped in behind her and was looking at them contemptuously.
"Very well," Alanna said, sighing as she gave Neal and Cleon one last glance over. "Now run along, and don't get into any more fights when I'm around." With that, she went back inside and closed the door behind her.
Neal eyed Cleon with a scornful look. "We should probably go before the king himself starts yelling at us."
Cleon frowned at Neal, but walked down the corridor with him, not making eye contact with him. They were silent until they reached the end of the hall and Neal looked up.
"You were just lying about Kel and Raoul, right?" He was saying it accusingly, but you could hear the twinge of doubt in his voice.
Cleon sighed. "I wish I were. I had first heard it from that bitch of a betrothed of mine, Lady Kitiara. I told her I was sick and left her to have an intelligent conversation with one of her fellow ladies."
Neal coughed. "Intelligent conversation? Since when do they have those?" Cleon shrugged and went on.
"I do feel bad about what happened to Kel and I, I truly do. So I had gone to her rooms to see some forgiveness, and in my fervor, forgot to knock. When I opened the door..." his voice trailed off, leaving a bad taste in Neal's mouth. Kel and Raoul? Sure they had been close in the past few years, but it was more of a parental closeness.
'Oh god,' Neal realized. 'That's why she was so shocked when she heard the court ladies talking about her. Not because of Cleon, but because of Raoul...' Still, he had doubts.
"I don't believe you," he said flatly. Cleon shrugged and sighed.
"Then go and ask her yourself, if you don't believe me. I don't think she would outright lie to you. You are, after all, best friends." With that, Cleon headed off down an adjacent hall.
Cleon didn't know how much those words stung. Had Kel and Raoul already been together when he had first seen her? It would certainly give a double meaning to "getting over Cleon." But Kel wouldn't lie to him. Right?
'The only way,' Neal realized, 'is to find out myself.' With that, he set off to Kel's room, determined to find out the truth about her and her rebound man.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Raoul paced Kel's nervously, sipping at a glass of water anxiously as Kel sat on her bed. Her hands covered her face, but he knew how upset she must be. After that Kennan boy had left, he had hurriedly climbed off of her. There was an awkward silence that seemed perpetual for a while, but then Raoul had started pacing and alleviated the tension a bit.
Although not nearly as much as he had hoped it would have been.
He was worried about Kel; he didn't know what she was thinking or how she was reacting to the situation. Truthfully, he had come to her to receive some kind of solace. He didn't want to go to war; at least not now anyway. Not when things were going as right as they were. For the first time since Buri, he didn't feel empty inside. Kel brought out a part in him that made him want to be better, and it wasn't just since they had become involved. She had always brought out the best in him, even when she was his squire. He couldn't loose her now.
Raoul stopped pacing to look at Kel. She still hadn't taken her face out of her hands. He knew that he should probably go and sit next to her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. What if she was so upset that she rejected him? What if she realized that she wanted a brazen young warrior, not an old man?
Abruptly, Kel looked up. Her eyes were red with unshed tears. Raoul frowned at her grief; he had hoped that she wouldn't have been this upset. Her friend had seen them together. It wasn't a reason to go about crying.
"Raoul, what are we going to do?" she asked softly. He had to strain his ears to hear her.
Raoul went over and sat down next to her. Swallowing his doubt, he put an arm around her. "What can we do, love? Besides tell them the truth? That Kennan boy is bound to tell someone."
Kel looked up at him. "But... but he can't! He just can't tell everyone. If he tells Neal..."
Raoul narrowed his eyes in confusion. What did she care if he told her little friend? It's not like he would think less of her. Unless, she thought that he would...
"Are you embarrassed of us?" Raoul asked suddenly, staring intently at her. Kel's eyes widened, as she sought for an answer to his question. She sought desperately, to no avail.
'Perhaps I am embarrassed of him,' she thought wistfully. 'He is older. A lot older. Old enough to be my father. Everyone would make a big stir and ask me why I would choose someone like him when I can have someone my own age. It would be like when the Wildmage and Master Salamin first became lovers. I don't want people swarming about me like that when they find out. Does that mean I'm embarrassed...?' Her thoughts became confusing and jumbled as she searched for an answer for Raoul. When she found none, she looked up helplessly at him.
Raoul's face contorted in shock and confusion. He had never thought that Kel would be ashamed of their relationship. She was, after all, the one that constituted it. She must have thought about the effects of her actions.
She was, however, in a wrong state of mind when she had come to him. Perhaps she did regret it.
Pursing his lips together tightly, Raoul stood up. Kel gazed up at him in worry. Raoul's face was unreadable as he stepped away from her.
"Perhaps I should give you some time to think it over. Whether you truly do care for me, of if this is all a big mistake." His words were cold and icy. She could see none of the usual warmth in his eyes.
"Raoul, what's wrong? I -"
"Look, Kel, just forget it," Raoul said as he cut her off. "I'll be going now. If you want to come talk to me, I'll be in my room."
Kel's mind froze in shock and outrage. She had given herself to him, loved him, and this was how he was treating her?
"Fine! Go to your room! Go to your precious Buri for all I care!" she shouted in anger and disbelief. Raoul opened his mouth in an angry protest.
"Well, maybe I will." His voice was low and ominous. Kel flinched as Raoul made his way out her door.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Neal rounded the corner to Kel's rooms when he heard screaming coming from behind closed doors. Raising his eyebrows, he walked a bit faster to try to hear a bit. What he heard, however, was not the ramble of two knights quarreling over a lost joust or a breaching of someone's honor.
It was, instead, a quarrel of lovers.
He probably could have heard Kel and Raoul screaming from bloody Carthak if he had tried. Their voices had raised considerably louder by now. He couldn't quite hear what they were saying, which, of course, was probably quite personal. Instead of waiting at a distance, like a good person with respect for other people's boundaries would do, he crept closer to the door.
"Fine! Go to your room! Go to your precious Buri for all I care!" Neal heard Kel's voice ring through his ears. There was a moment of silence, then Raoul:
"Well, maybe I will." Neal raised his eyebrows in shock at both Raoul and Kel's behavior. It wasn't like either of them to goad each other on. Kel was calm, quiet, collected, while Raoul was laid back and relaxed. They were going against both of their natures to fight like this.
Neal saw Raoul head out of Kel's rooms and slam the door in a blind fury. He didn't see Neal as he stormed down the hall in the opposite direction. Neal watched him round the corner and go out of sight.
Neal was at a loss. He didn't know what to do. Should he go in and comfort Kel? It was what any good friend should do. Then again, with his emerging feelings for his year-mate, he might be tempted to take advantage of her vulnerability.
He now had no doubts that Kel and Raoul were involved romantically; that had been clear enough when Kel had told him to go back to Buri. How long, he wasn't sure. If it had been a long time, he didn't want to possibly ruin they're relationship by going and taking advantage of their fight. It just didn't seem right. Any other girl but Kel he would have gladly done so. But he cared too much about her. He loved her and wanted her to be happy, and if happy was without him, then so be it.
Still, the sound of Kel's sobs carried far, and ate at Neal's heart. He couldn't just ignore them. He could never forgive himself if he did that. No matter what his feelings for Kel were, he had to place his duties as a friend first. Swallowing hard, he made his way to her door and knocked tentatively.
"Kel? It's me. Neal. Can I come in?"
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Kel was jolted from her thoughts as a familiar voice came through her door. 'Neal,' she thought silently. 'Did he hear? Did he hear our fight? Never mind, of course he did. I wouldn't be surprised if half of Tyra heard it.'
"Neal, please go away. I don't want to talk right now." Kel's voice sounded hallow and empty as she spoke. 'Well, what do you expect, Kel?' a voice inside of her said. 'You don't want him to go away. You want him to stay here with you, and do all sorts of things to you.' Repulsed, Kel pushed the voice in her head away as she listened to Neal's response.
"You know what Kel? I really don't care if you don't want to talk about it. I am not going to let you lock yourself in your room again for weeks on end. So I'm going to open this door, and we are going to talk about it."
Neal opened the door.
Kel was a mess. Her hair was matted and untidy; her shirt lay somewhere on the floor. All she had on were a brestband and breeches. Neal forced himself to remain in control as he closed the door and locked it.
"Now, please Kel, tell me what's going on?" Neal asked softly as he sat down next to her on the bed. Kel's lip quivered as she fought to control the tears that were coming down her cheeks. She lowered her head, unwilling to look at him. Neal waited patiently for her reply. It seemed to take hours to him, even though he knew it was just a few moments. Having Kel so close to him, especially so exposed and vulnerable... it was driving him mad.
"Raoul and I - we had been sleeping together," she said very slowly. She looked up at Neal to see the reaction of disgust that would surely spread across his face when he heard, but instead, was only face with a grim acceptance to her situation.
Kel swallowed, and went on. "I hadn't known what else to do. Raoul, and - and you, you were the only two who had always been there for me all my life. Kind of like a security blanket. I wanted to fill the void that had surrounded me when Cleon had left. I was so confused, and so angry and sad and a whole mix of other emotions I can't name at the time. Cleon was a shock to me. I never saw it coming, even thought I knew it all along and told myself that I had accepted it. That I knew that he would have to have some sort of arranged marriage. Still there was a part of me..." Her voice trailed off.
She coughed, and buried her head in her hands before speaking again. "I needed some way to forget it all. In some way... I can't describe it. It was a need for some sort of a change, or a difference... I'm not sure. I had gone to his rooms. You could say that I... um... seduced him, in a manner of speaking. I did everything could to get him to kiss me back, and absolutely nothing when he carried me off to his bed. It was... amazing." She paused again and crossed her arms together and shuddered, as if she was chilled.
"When I woke up, I was happier than I had been in weeks. It was a wonderful thing. He took me to breakfast and everything..." She took in a deep breath, then continued. "Then tonight, he came in and told me we were going to war with Scanra. I was shaken and scared and immature about it. He comforted me, and one thing led to another, and before we knew it, he was on top of me and I had my shirt off and Cleon had come in and everything was such a big mess!" She looked at Neal.
"After Cleon left, he was really nice about it. Went and said that it shouldn't matter if the rest of you found out. I didn't want to tell anyone- not yet anyway. He asked if I was embarrassed of him. Of our relationship. I didn't answer." Her lip quivered as she spoke.
"I didn't really know. I knew that I cared for him, but was it enough to risk loosing my friend's good opinion of me? I couldn't answer him. He took my silence for a yes, and well, you probably heard the rest." She stopped and looked at Neal expectantly, waiting for some kind of reaction to her confession. He had looked on at her placidly while she had spoken, in a way that had eerily reminded her of her Yamani lump face.
Neal moved to put an arm around her shoulder. With both hands, turned her body so that it was facing his. Then, quickly, he pulled her into a tight, clinging hug.
Kel stiffened at first. He held her so tightly she was afraid he would never let go. Slowly, however, she relaxed and buried her head in his shoulder, shedding only a single tear in his embrace. Tentatively, he loosened his grip and drew her away.
Wiping away the lone tear that had fallen down her cheek, he smiled. Putting both hands on her cheeks, he touched her eyelids with his thumbs.
"I'm glad you told me the truth. If Raoul wants to loose you over a silly fight, then he's more fool than I've ever seen. Mithros only knows, I would be jumping for joy if you somehow felt what I feel towards you-" Neal suddenly pulled away, frowning. Kel gave him a worried look.
"Neal?" Her worried gaze tore at his heart. Neal looked away.
"Never mind. I shouldn't have said that. It's not my place, not when you feel like this-"
"Like what, Neal?" Kel interrupted, her eyes narrowing. "I'm a big girl."
"Gods, if you only knew, Kel," Neal said wistfully.
"Knew what, Neal? Tell me, damnit!" Neal's eyes seemed suddenly far away, as he bent down and kissed her cheek, softly and full of emotion. Kel froze at the touch. Neal pulled back and looked on at her with sad eyes. He kissed her other cheek in the same light, longingful manner. Kel realized, somewhat suddenly, what Neal was trying to convey.
"You-you love me?" Kel asked, hesitatingly, haltingly. Neal simply looked at her with those sad eyes that made her knees go weak. She knew that if she had been standing, she would have fallen a long time ago.
Slowly, shakily, she moved closer to him. Her entire body was shivering with confusion and longing and too many other emotions to count, but right now, all she could think about was what she had failed to see for so long.
He loved her.
He loved her as she had loved him, so many years ago.
He loved her as she had loved Cleon, not so long ago.
He loved her as he loved her today, and as she realized uneasily, she loved him as well.
Her lips came closer and met his, and all the world disappeared, and for once in her confusion laden, chaos filled life, everything was right.
Neal pulled away.
"Kel, I can't. I feel like I would be taking advantage..." He stood up. Kel gazed at him with hurt eyes.
"I'm sorry, Kel. I'm so sorry." Turning, he walked out the door and closed it, leaving Kel in a tumult of mixed emotion.
A/N: Oh my. What has our little Kel gotten herself into this time? Cleon and Neal fought!!! Yay!!! And then, of course, Alanna had to come and humiliate them both in front of the king, who I hate. *mumbles incoherent things about the damn king* And there's Neal for you. So righteous, but in a way that has Kel more and more confused. *laughs evilly* And poor Raoul... They got into a fight. But he'll do something sappy for Kel next chapter, probably, so don't worry. Question is, will she forgive him? *tenses in anticipation* Haha! You'll have to wait till next chapter to find out! I love being evil... To my wonderful reviewers, I saved the best thing for last. You guys are the reason I keep writing. Your responses are so entertaining!!! And appreciated. But mostly entertaining. ^_^' Well, I have to start writing the next chapter now. I would love it if you reviewed. *cough review Kitiara is a slut cough* Do you think I don't like her? That is, of course, because she killed Sturm and went and messed up Tanis and Laurana's relationship... *sigh* Tanis... *shakes head* Never mind. I'll try to update soon. ^_^
*~Cami~*
*Goes and takes sedative*
Thanks go to: Maddy, CrystalRose, Jishoshojo (Thank you! Someone who reads TP AND Dragonlance! Finally! Oh, can you please give me your email address because I neeeeeed to discuss DoaVM with someone!!! If you didn't read it, I'm not going to say what I really want to, although I put it in my profile, so... whatever. ^_^), moonstream, White-wolf, Faithful (you'll like this, although, you might also start screaming at me at the end for my evilness... ), gremlinsRus, Lady Rogue (hehe... look down), sovereign, LadyIsabelle, TBA (Or Min, whatever you want me to call you ^_^), Shy (Cleon is so unlucky... and Snow*flake (still proud of you for sticking with me *grins*)
This chapter is dedicated to *drumroll* LADY ROGUE!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! *cough* Anyways, thanks so much. ^_^
Rebound - Chapter 5 - Fickle Emotions
Neal was worried. Never before had he seen so many important people go into the same room all at the same time.
He had seen Alanna and her husband, Baron George, at the entrance of the royal palace. He had greeted them, wondering why they were here. Alanna had told him that there was a matter of utmost importance that she had to discuss with the king. He couldn't get any more out of her, so he had followed her and made small talk until they reached the king's chambers. She had seemed preoccupied at the time, absorbed with whatever matter of importance the king had sent her for. She had bid him farewell and walked nervously inside with her husband.
Just then, Sir Wyldon and Myles of Olau had rounded the corner. Trailing closely behind them were Numair Salamin, Daine Sarrasri, and Lindhall Reed. They also looked equally nervous and tense, and had all but ignored him as they entered the room. Only Myles had said a hello. The rest had just nodded and carried on.
Neal wondered what the big commotion was about. He had heard of the king's meetings, where the most trusted of his advisors came and talked about the welfare of Tortall. Maybe something exciting was happening. He edged closer to the door, when he heard the pounding of footsteps coming from down the hall.
Burrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Neal looked down the hall to see a certain red head running down the corridor like a madman. Neal snorted; perhaps that court lady of his had not suited him after all. Then he frowned; there was a look on his face that made him think otherwise.
Cleon came closer to Neal and looked up when he realized Neal was watching him. Stopping short, he stared at Neal, then came up to him with the strangest expression on his face.
"So did she tell you?" Cleon asked, his voice shaky and awkward. Neal raised his eyebrows.
"Did she tell me what?" Neal was beginning to have an urge to punch Cleon again.
"Did Kel tell you about Raoul? About them?" Neal shrugged and looked disdainfully at the younger boy.
"What are you talking about? How you been listening to court gossip? Because I heard the same thing and it's not true." Neal looked warily at Cleon; how dare he actually think that about Kel?
"Yeah, that's what I though, until I saw them rutting together." Neal's face burst out into an ugly scowl and he headed toward Cleon and swung a fist at him, leaving Cleon sprawled out on the ground.
"How dare you, you little bastard? How can you say something like that about her?" Neal was livid in anger; his eyes blazed a vibrant emerald green.
"Because it's true. I saw them together. And don't you dare touch me again," Cleon replied.
Neal's eyes narrowed. "Yeah? And what if I do?" At that, he pounced on top of Cleon, trying to punch him as they rolled around together outside His Majesty's royal chambers.
Suddenly, they found that they could not move. The door was open, Alanna standing in the doorframe, eyes burning with rage. "What is the meaning of this?" she asked, her voice a deadly calm, although her eyes suggested otherwise. She took off the freezing spell so that Neal and Cleon could move. They stood up, shooting daggers at each other as they did so.
"Erm, Sir Nealan and I had a, uh, difference of opinion?" Cleon suggested.
"Was the a question or an answer, Sir Cleon of Kennan?" Alanna was angry at the incident, but she was also amused, Neal found. Having been squire to her for four years, he could tell by the twitch of her mouth that she found her one-time squire and one of his training-mates fighting quite entertaining.
"It was an answer, Lady," Cleon answered, more firmly this time. By that time, the king had slipped in behind her and was looking at them contemptuously.
"Very well," Alanna said, sighing as she gave Neal and Cleon one last glance over. "Now run along, and don't get into any more fights when I'm around." With that, she went back inside and closed the door behind her.
Neal eyed Cleon with a scornful look. "We should probably go before the king himself starts yelling at us."
Cleon frowned at Neal, but walked down the corridor with him, not making eye contact with him. They were silent until they reached the end of the hall and Neal looked up.
"You were just lying about Kel and Raoul, right?" He was saying it accusingly, but you could hear the twinge of doubt in his voice.
Cleon sighed. "I wish I were. I had first heard it from that bitch of a betrothed of mine, Lady Kitiara. I told her I was sick and left her to have an intelligent conversation with one of her fellow ladies."
Neal coughed. "Intelligent conversation? Since when do they have those?" Cleon shrugged and went on.
"I do feel bad about what happened to Kel and I, I truly do. So I had gone to her rooms to see some forgiveness, and in my fervor, forgot to knock. When I opened the door..." his voice trailed off, leaving a bad taste in Neal's mouth. Kel and Raoul? Sure they had been close in the past few years, but it was more of a parental closeness.
'Oh god,' Neal realized. 'That's why she was so shocked when she heard the court ladies talking about her. Not because of Cleon, but because of Raoul...' Still, he had doubts.
"I don't believe you," he said flatly. Cleon shrugged and sighed.
"Then go and ask her yourself, if you don't believe me. I don't think she would outright lie to you. You are, after all, best friends." With that, Cleon headed off down an adjacent hall.
Cleon didn't know how much those words stung. Had Kel and Raoul already been together when he had first seen her? It would certainly give a double meaning to "getting over Cleon." But Kel wouldn't lie to him. Right?
'The only way,' Neal realized, 'is to find out myself.' With that, he set off to Kel's room, determined to find out the truth about her and her rebound man.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Raoul paced Kel's nervously, sipping at a glass of water anxiously as Kel sat on her bed. Her hands covered her face, but he knew how upset she must be. After that Kennan boy had left, he had hurriedly climbed off of her. There was an awkward silence that seemed perpetual for a while, but then Raoul had started pacing and alleviated the tension a bit.
Although not nearly as much as he had hoped it would have been.
He was worried about Kel; he didn't know what she was thinking or how she was reacting to the situation. Truthfully, he had come to her to receive some kind of solace. He didn't want to go to war; at least not now anyway. Not when things were going as right as they were. For the first time since Buri, he didn't feel empty inside. Kel brought out a part in him that made him want to be better, and it wasn't just since they had become involved. She had always brought out the best in him, even when she was his squire. He couldn't loose her now.
Raoul stopped pacing to look at Kel. She still hadn't taken her face out of her hands. He knew that he should probably go and sit next to her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. What if she was so upset that she rejected him? What if she realized that she wanted a brazen young warrior, not an old man?
Abruptly, Kel looked up. Her eyes were red with unshed tears. Raoul frowned at her grief; he had hoped that she wouldn't have been this upset. Her friend had seen them together. It wasn't a reason to go about crying.
"Raoul, what are we going to do?" she asked softly. He had to strain his ears to hear her.
Raoul went over and sat down next to her. Swallowing his doubt, he put an arm around her. "What can we do, love? Besides tell them the truth? That Kennan boy is bound to tell someone."
Kel looked up at him. "But... but he can't! He just can't tell everyone. If he tells Neal..."
Raoul narrowed his eyes in confusion. What did she care if he told her little friend? It's not like he would think less of her. Unless, she thought that he would...
"Are you embarrassed of us?" Raoul asked suddenly, staring intently at her. Kel's eyes widened, as she sought for an answer to his question. She sought desperately, to no avail.
'Perhaps I am embarrassed of him,' she thought wistfully. 'He is older. A lot older. Old enough to be my father. Everyone would make a big stir and ask me why I would choose someone like him when I can have someone my own age. It would be like when the Wildmage and Master Salamin first became lovers. I don't want people swarming about me like that when they find out. Does that mean I'm embarrassed...?' Her thoughts became confusing and jumbled as she searched for an answer for Raoul. When she found none, she looked up helplessly at him.
Raoul's face contorted in shock and confusion. He had never thought that Kel would be ashamed of their relationship. She was, after all, the one that constituted it. She must have thought about the effects of her actions.
She was, however, in a wrong state of mind when she had come to him. Perhaps she did regret it.
Pursing his lips together tightly, Raoul stood up. Kel gazed up at him in worry. Raoul's face was unreadable as he stepped away from her.
"Perhaps I should give you some time to think it over. Whether you truly do care for me, of if this is all a big mistake." His words were cold and icy. She could see none of the usual warmth in his eyes.
"Raoul, what's wrong? I -"
"Look, Kel, just forget it," Raoul said as he cut her off. "I'll be going now. If you want to come talk to me, I'll be in my room."
Kel's mind froze in shock and outrage. She had given herself to him, loved him, and this was how he was treating her?
"Fine! Go to your room! Go to your precious Buri for all I care!" she shouted in anger and disbelief. Raoul opened his mouth in an angry protest.
"Well, maybe I will." His voice was low and ominous. Kel flinched as Raoul made his way out her door.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Neal rounded the corner to Kel's rooms when he heard screaming coming from behind closed doors. Raising his eyebrows, he walked a bit faster to try to hear a bit. What he heard, however, was not the ramble of two knights quarreling over a lost joust or a breaching of someone's honor.
It was, instead, a quarrel of lovers.
He probably could have heard Kel and Raoul screaming from bloody Carthak if he had tried. Their voices had raised considerably louder by now. He couldn't quite hear what they were saying, which, of course, was probably quite personal. Instead of waiting at a distance, like a good person with respect for other people's boundaries would do, he crept closer to the door.
"Fine! Go to your room! Go to your precious Buri for all I care!" Neal heard Kel's voice ring through his ears. There was a moment of silence, then Raoul:
"Well, maybe I will." Neal raised his eyebrows in shock at both Raoul and Kel's behavior. It wasn't like either of them to goad each other on. Kel was calm, quiet, collected, while Raoul was laid back and relaxed. They were going against both of their natures to fight like this.
Neal saw Raoul head out of Kel's rooms and slam the door in a blind fury. He didn't see Neal as he stormed down the hall in the opposite direction. Neal watched him round the corner and go out of sight.
Neal was at a loss. He didn't know what to do. Should he go in and comfort Kel? It was what any good friend should do. Then again, with his emerging feelings for his year-mate, he might be tempted to take advantage of her vulnerability.
He now had no doubts that Kel and Raoul were involved romantically; that had been clear enough when Kel had told him to go back to Buri. How long, he wasn't sure. If it had been a long time, he didn't want to possibly ruin they're relationship by going and taking advantage of their fight. It just didn't seem right. Any other girl but Kel he would have gladly done so. But he cared too much about her. He loved her and wanted her to be happy, and if happy was without him, then so be it.
Still, the sound of Kel's sobs carried far, and ate at Neal's heart. He couldn't just ignore them. He could never forgive himself if he did that. No matter what his feelings for Kel were, he had to place his duties as a friend first. Swallowing hard, he made his way to her door and knocked tentatively.
"Kel? It's me. Neal. Can I come in?"
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Kel was jolted from her thoughts as a familiar voice came through her door. 'Neal,' she thought silently. 'Did he hear? Did he hear our fight? Never mind, of course he did. I wouldn't be surprised if half of Tyra heard it.'
"Neal, please go away. I don't want to talk right now." Kel's voice sounded hallow and empty as she spoke. 'Well, what do you expect, Kel?' a voice inside of her said. 'You don't want him to go away. You want him to stay here with you, and do all sorts of things to you.' Repulsed, Kel pushed the voice in her head away as she listened to Neal's response.
"You know what Kel? I really don't care if you don't want to talk about it. I am not going to let you lock yourself in your room again for weeks on end. So I'm going to open this door, and we are going to talk about it."
Neal opened the door.
Kel was a mess. Her hair was matted and untidy; her shirt lay somewhere on the floor. All she had on were a brestband and breeches. Neal forced himself to remain in control as he closed the door and locked it.
"Now, please Kel, tell me what's going on?" Neal asked softly as he sat down next to her on the bed. Kel's lip quivered as she fought to control the tears that were coming down her cheeks. She lowered her head, unwilling to look at him. Neal waited patiently for her reply. It seemed to take hours to him, even though he knew it was just a few moments. Having Kel so close to him, especially so exposed and vulnerable... it was driving him mad.
"Raoul and I - we had been sleeping together," she said very slowly. She looked up at Neal to see the reaction of disgust that would surely spread across his face when he heard, but instead, was only face with a grim acceptance to her situation.
Kel swallowed, and went on. "I hadn't known what else to do. Raoul, and - and you, you were the only two who had always been there for me all my life. Kind of like a security blanket. I wanted to fill the void that had surrounded me when Cleon had left. I was so confused, and so angry and sad and a whole mix of other emotions I can't name at the time. Cleon was a shock to me. I never saw it coming, even thought I knew it all along and told myself that I had accepted it. That I knew that he would have to have some sort of arranged marriage. Still there was a part of me..." Her voice trailed off.
She coughed, and buried her head in her hands before speaking again. "I needed some way to forget it all. In some way... I can't describe it. It was a need for some sort of a change, or a difference... I'm not sure. I had gone to his rooms. You could say that I... um... seduced him, in a manner of speaking. I did everything could to get him to kiss me back, and absolutely nothing when he carried me off to his bed. It was... amazing." She paused again and crossed her arms together and shuddered, as if she was chilled.
"When I woke up, I was happier than I had been in weeks. It was a wonderful thing. He took me to breakfast and everything..." She took in a deep breath, then continued. "Then tonight, he came in and told me we were going to war with Scanra. I was shaken and scared and immature about it. He comforted me, and one thing led to another, and before we knew it, he was on top of me and I had my shirt off and Cleon had come in and everything was such a big mess!" She looked at Neal.
"After Cleon left, he was really nice about it. Went and said that it shouldn't matter if the rest of you found out. I didn't want to tell anyone- not yet anyway. He asked if I was embarrassed of him. Of our relationship. I didn't answer." Her lip quivered as she spoke.
"I didn't really know. I knew that I cared for him, but was it enough to risk loosing my friend's good opinion of me? I couldn't answer him. He took my silence for a yes, and well, you probably heard the rest." She stopped and looked at Neal expectantly, waiting for some kind of reaction to her confession. He had looked on at her placidly while she had spoken, in a way that had eerily reminded her of her Yamani lump face.
Neal moved to put an arm around her shoulder. With both hands, turned her body so that it was facing his. Then, quickly, he pulled her into a tight, clinging hug.
Kel stiffened at first. He held her so tightly she was afraid he would never let go. Slowly, however, she relaxed and buried her head in his shoulder, shedding only a single tear in his embrace. Tentatively, he loosened his grip and drew her away.
Wiping away the lone tear that had fallen down her cheek, he smiled. Putting both hands on her cheeks, he touched her eyelids with his thumbs.
"I'm glad you told me the truth. If Raoul wants to loose you over a silly fight, then he's more fool than I've ever seen. Mithros only knows, I would be jumping for joy if you somehow felt what I feel towards you-" Neal suddenly pulled away, frowning. Kel gave him a worried look.
"Neal?" Her worried gaze tore at his heart. Neal looked away.
"Never mind. I shouldn't have said that. It's not my place, not when you feel like this-"
"Like what, Neal?" Kel interrupted, her eyes narrowing. "I'm a big girl."
"Gods, if you only knew, Kel," Neal said wistfully.
"Knew what, Neal? Tell me, damnit!" Neal's eyes seemed suddenly far away, as he bent down and kissed her cheek, softly and full of emotion. Kel froze at the touch. Neal pulled back and looked on at her with sad eyes. He kissed her other cheek in the same light, longingful manner. Kel realized, somewhat suddenly, what Neal was trying to convey.
"You-you love me?" Kel asked, hesitatingly, haltingly. Neal simply looked at her with those sad eyes that made her knees go weak. She knew that if she had been standing, she would have fallen a long time ago.
Slowly, shakily, she moved closer to him. Her entire body was shivering with confusion and longing and too many other emotions to count, but right now, all she could think about was what she had failed to see for so long.
He loved her.
He loved her as she had loved him, so many years ago.
He loved her as she had loved Cleon, not so long ago.
He loved her as he loved her today, and as she realized uneasily, she loved him as well.
Her lips came closer and met his, and all the world disappeared, and for once in her confusion laden, chaos filled life, everything was right.
Neal pulled away.
"Kel, I can't. I feel like I would be taking advantage..." He stood up. Kel gazed at him with hurt eyes.
"I'm sorry, Kel. I'm so sorry." Turning, he walked out the door and closed it, leaving Kel in a tumult of mixed emotion.
A/N: Oh my. What has our little Kel gotten herself into this time? Cleon and Neal fought!!! Yay!!! And then, of course, Alanna had to come and humiliate them both in front of the king, who I hate. *mumbles incoherent things about the damn king* And there's Neal for you. So righteous, but in a way that has Kel more and more confused. *laughs evilly* And poor Raoul... They got into a fight. But he'll do something sappy for Kel next chapter, probably, so don't worry. Question is, will she forgive him? *tenses in anticipation* Haha! You'll have to wait till next chapter to find out! I love being evil... To my wonderful reviewers, I saved the best thing for last. You guys are the reason I keep writing. Your responses are so entertaining!!! And appreciated. But mostly entertaining. ^_^' Well, I have to start writing the next chapter now. I would love it if you reviewed. *cough review Kitiara is a slut cough* Do you think I don't like her? That is, of course, because she killed Sturm and went and messed up Tanis and Laurana's relationship... *sigh* Tanis... *shakes head* Never mind. I'll try to update soon. ^_^
*~Cami~*
*Goes and takes sedative*