Ahn of Deep Space Nine

A fan-novel, based on Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery and STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE.

DISCLAIMER: This was written solely for the sake of fun. No money is being made here, and no copyright infringement is intended. Takes place after "What You Leave Behind," the final episode of Deep Space Nine.
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EPISODE XXIV
The University Class Is Assembled

Quark was in his quarters, lying face-up on the living room couch. He was biting at his lip, and his hands were pressed to the corners of his eyes. His vision had been growing blurry as of late, and he thought vaguely that he must ask Dr. Bashir about it the next time he went in.

It was late afternoon on the station, and Quark had slipped away for a short nap. Instead of helping out at the bar, Ahn had come home right after school. She had to finish reading 'Sense and Sensibility' by tomorrow, but had barely made it halfway through.
Ahn sat at the dining-room table, gazing out at the pure joyous glow of a hundred million stars. She had been reading, but her datapadd had slipped to the floor, and now she was dreaming, with a smile on her parted lips. Vast English landscapes and ladies dressed in crisp long gowns were shaping themselves out of the mists and rainbows of her lively fancy; adventures wonderful and enthralling were happening to her in cloudland - adventures that always turned out triumphantly and never involved her in scrapes like those of actual life.

When Quark awoke, he looked at her with a tenderness that would never have been suffered to reveal itself in any clearer light than that soft mingling of starshine and shadow. The lesson of a love that should display itself easily in spoken word and open look was one Quark could never learn. But he had learned to love this Cardassian girl with an affection all the deeper and stronger from its very undemonstrativeness. Her love made him afraid of being unduly indulgent, indeed. He had an uneasy feeling against setting his heart so intensely on any female as he had set his on Ahn, and perhaps he performed a sort of unconscious penance for this by being stricter and more critical than if the female had been less dear to him. Certainly Ahn herself had no idea how Quark loved her. Sometimes, she thought that Quark was very hard to please and distinctly lacking in sympathy and understanding. But she always checked the thought reproachfully, remembering what she owed to him.

"Ahn," said Quark abruptly, "You know Mrs. Chel contacted me yesterday."

Ahn came back from her other world with a start and a sigh.

"Did she? Oh, well...I can't imagine why. I hope it isn't because of my studies. I know I am a bit behind in my reading, but I am trying to catch up. Becky and I have been going to read under the trees in the Arboretum. It's lovely in there now. The Bolian ferns have curled under and gone into hibernation, just as if somebody had tucked them away until next season. Perhaps an unseen spirit extended its veil when it felt the time was right. Becky wouldn't say much about that, though. Becky has never forgotten the scolding her mother gave her about imagining spirits in the turbolift. It had a very bad effect on Becky's imagination. It blighted it. Rislan Dana says that Mr. Kretak is a blighted being. I asked her what that meant, and she said that it was because N'arelta is now engaged to the son of an Andorian ambassador. Lately, all Rislan Dana thinks of is getting a boyfriend, and the older she gets the worse she is. Boyfriends are all very well in their place, but it doesn't do to drag them into everything, does it? Becky and I are thinking seriously of promising each other that we will never marry but be nice old maids and live together forever. Becky hasn't quite made up her mind though, because she thinks perhaps it would be nobler to marry some wild, dashing, wicked space pirate and reform him. Becky and I talk a great deal about serious subjects now, you know. We feel that we are so much older than we used to be that it isn't becoming to talk of childish matters. It's such a solemn thing to grow older, Mr. Quark. Last week, Mrs. Chel called all us girls who are in our teens to a meeting after lunch. She said we couldn't be too careful what habits we formed and what ideals we acquired in our teens, because by the time we were eighteen our characters would be developed and the foundation laid for our whole future life. And she said if the foundation was shaky we could never build anything really worth while on it. Becky and I talked the matter over coming home from school. We felt extremely solemn, Mr. Quark. And we decided that we would try to be very careful indeed and form respectable habits and learn all we could and be as sensible as possible, so that by the time we were eighteen our characters would be properly developed. It's perfectly appalling to think of being eighteen, Mr. Quark. It sounds so fearfully old and grown up. But why did Mrs. Chel speak to you?"

"That's what I want to tell you, Ahn, if you'll ever give me a chance to get a word in edgewise. She was talking about you."

"About me?" Ahn looked rather scared. Then she flushed and exclaimed:

"Oh, I know what she was saying. I meant to tell you, Mr. Quark, honestly I did, but I forgot. Mrs. Chel caught me listening to music in class yesterday morning when I should have been studying my Bajoran history. Alice Pickett had lent me her sub-space radio player before classes started. I was listening to the station's music channel, KDS9, when it came time to pull out our datapadds. The DJ had promised to play this new Klingon song, and I was simply wild to find out what it sounded like. So, I tucked the earpiece in my ear, and put the receiver in my pocket. Then, I picked up my datapadd and just made myself LOOK as if I were studying Bajoran history, you know, while all the while I was listening to the music. Just when the song began to play Mrs. Chel came down the aisle and I just looked up and there she was looking down at me, so reproachful-like. I can't tell you how ashamed I felt, Mr.Quark, especially when I heard the whole class giggling. Mrs. Chel took the player away, but she never said a word then. But she kept me in at recess and talked to me. She said I had done very wrong in two respects. First, I was wasting the time I ought to have put on my studies; and secondly, I was deceiving my teacher in trying to make it appear I was reading when I was actually listening to music. I had never realized until that moment, Mr. Quark, that what I was doing was deceitful. I was shocked. I cried bitterly, and asked Mrs. Chel to forgive me and I'd never do such a thing again; and I offered to do penance by not listening to music for a whole week, even if it meant missing the Klingon song. But Mrs. Chel said she wouldn't require that, and she gave me the player back. So I think it wasn't very kind of her to come up here to you about it after all."

"Mrs. Chel never told me anything about that, Ahn, and if you get caught doing something wrong, it's your own fault. I might as well get up and head back to the bar now," Quark said. "I can see that you don't want to hear what Mrs. Chel had to say. You're more interested in the sound of your own tongue than in anything else."

"Oh, indeed, Mr. Quark, I do want to hear it," cried Ahn contritely. "I won't say another word...not one. I know I talk too much, but I am really trying to overcome it, and although I say far too much, yet if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't, you'd give me some credit for it. Please tell me, Mr. Quark."

"Well, Mrs. Chel wants to put together a class for those interested in applying to the University of Bajor. She wants to give extra lessons after school, to prepare for the entrance exams. And she came to ask me if you would like to join. What do you think?

"Oh, Mr. Quark!" Ahn straightened to her knees and clasped her hands. "It's been the dream of my life...that is, for the last six months, ever since Mrs. Chel first told us about the University. But I didn't say anything about it, because I supposed it would be perfectly useless. I'd love to be a teacher someday. But won't it be dreadfully expensive? Commander Kira says that many Bajoran parents start saving for it before their children are even born."

"But if you do well enough on the exams, you could get a scholarship. That way, you'd get to go to one of the best schools in the quadrant and I wouldn't have to pay a thing. I think this would be a very good opportunity for you. I mean, it's important that you begin making your way in the universe. As a female, you can't inherit my business, but there are other areas open to someone like you. You'll have a place here as long as I'm around, but whoever I leave the bar to may not feel the same way. Nobody knows what's going to happen in this uncertain universe, so you've got to be prepared. What's your decision going to be, Ahn?"

"Oh, Mr. Quark, thank you." Ahn flung her arms about Quark's waist and buried her face in his chest. "I'm eternally grateful to you. And I'll study as hard as I can and do my very best to be a credit to you. I warn you not to expect much in mathematics, but I think I can hold my own in anything else if I work hard."

"I know that you'll do well. Mrs. Chel says you're a hard worker." Not for worlds would Quark have told Ahn just what Mrs. Chel had said about her; that would have been to pamper vanity. "You don't need to kill yourself studying. It's another year and a half before you have to take the exam. But Mrs. Chel says that it's best to start working on it early."

"I shall take more interest than ever in my studies now," said Ahn blissfully, "because I have a purpose in life. Dr. Bashir says everybody should have a purpose in life and pursue it faithfully. Only he says we must first make sure that it is a worthy purpose. I would call it a worthy purpose to want to be a teacher like Mrs. Chel, wouldn't you, Mr. Quark? I think teaching is a very noble profession."

The University class was organized in due time. Tared Evron, Kor Ahn, Rislan Dana, Alice Pickett, Leslie Brooks, and B'Toreth joined. Becky Peters did not, as her parents intended for her to go to Jilliard, or Starfleet Academy. This seemed nothing short of a calamity to Ahn. Since the day Azran Sisko was lost, had she and Becky been separated in anything. On the evening when the University class first remained after school for the extra lessons and Ahn saw Becky leave slowly out the door with the others, it was all the former could do to keep her seat and refrain from rushing impulsively after her chum. A lump came into her throat, and she hastily looked down at her datapadd to keep from bursting into sobs. Not for worlds would Ahn have had Tared Evron see those tears.

"But, oh, Mr. Quark, I really felt that I had tasted the bitterness of death, when I saw Becky go out alone," she said mournfully that night. "I thought how splendid it would have been if Becky had only been going to study for the exams, too. But we can't have things perfect in this imperfect universe, as Commander Kira often says. Commander Kira isn't exactly a comforting person sometimes, but there's no doubt she says a great many very true things. And I think the University class is going to be extremely interesting. Alice and B'Toreth want to be teachers, like me. Alice says she will only teach for two years after graduation, and then she intends to be married. B'Toreth says he will devote his whole life to teaching on the Klingon homeworld, and never, ever marry, rather than have a wife who will take away all his money, and growl once it has all been spent. I expect B'Toreth speaks from mournful experience, for he always says his mother will spend until the bank is empty, and is meaner to his father than a rabid targ until the next payday. Leslie Brooks says she is just going to university for education's sake, because she won't have to earn her own living; she says of course it is different with orphans who are living on charity...THEY have to hustle. Rislan Dana says she may eventually join a religious order. I wonder how she'll keep her vows, since she is always so crazy about boys. I hope it isn't wicked of me, Mr. Quark, but really the thought of Rislan Dana being a Vedek or a monk makes me laugh. She's in love with a different boy every week, and when she talks to them, she tosses her hair, and does this strange blinking thing with her right eye. But perhaps he will be more intellectual acting when she grows up.

"What is Tared Evron going to be?" queried Quark, as Ahn picked up a data padd.

"I don't happen to know what Tared Evron's ambition in life is - if he even has any," said Ahn scornfully.

There was open rivalry between Evron and Ahn now. Previously the rivalry had been rather onesided, but there was no longer any doubt that Evron was as determined to be first in class as Ahn was. He was a foe worthy of her steel. The other members of the class tacitly acknowledged their superiority, and never dreamed of trying to compete with them.

Since the day in the holosuite when she had refused to listen to his plea for forgiveness, Evron, save for the aforesaid determined rivalry, had evinced no recognition whatever of the existence of Kor Ahn. He talked and joked with the other girls, exchanged books and shared candy with them, discussed lessons and plans, sometimes walked home with one or the other of them from classes. But Kor Ahn he simply ignored, and Ahn found out that it is not pleasant to be ignored. It was in vain that she told herself that she did not care. Deep down in her wayward, feminine little heart she knew that she did care, and that if she had that chance at the holosuite lake again she would answer very differently. All at once, as it seemed, and to her secret dismay, she found that the old resentment she had cherished against him was gone - gone just when she most needed its sustaining power. She tried to recall every incident and emotion of that memorable occasion, searching in vain for that old satisfying anger. But that day had witnessed its last spasmodic flicker. Ahn realized, too late, that her heart had forgiven and forgotten.

And at least neither Evron nor anybody else, not even Becky, should ever suspect how sorry she was and how much she wished she hadn't been so proud and horrid! She determined to "shroud her feelings in deepest oblivion," and it may be stated here and now that she did it, so successfully that Evron, who possibly was not quite so indifferent as he seemed, could not console himself with any belief that Ahn felt his retaliatory scorn. The only poor comfort he had was that she also snubbed the other boys, unmercifully, continually, and undeservedly.

Otherwise the remainder of the year passed in a round of routine duties and studies. For Ahn the days slipped by at warp speed. She was happy, eager, interested; there were lessons to be learned and honor to be won; delightful books to read; new projects to undertake; busy weekend afternoons at the bar with Quark; and then, almost before Ahn realized it, another year had come to Deep Space Nine.

Studies palled just a wee bit then; the University class, left behind in the classroom while the others scattered throughout the station, looked wistfully out the doorway and discovered that math exercises, science experiments, and reading assignments had somehow lost the tang and zest they had possessed in the previous months. Even Ahn and Evron lagged and grew indifferent. Teacher and taught were alike glad when the term ended and the vacation days lay ahead like the light at the end of a pitch black tunnel.

"You've all done excellent work this past year," Mrs. Chel told them during the last session, "and you deserve a long, restful vacation. I wish you all good health, good luck, and good fun until we meet again next year. And when we return, let it be with fresh minds and renewed hearts. There is much work that still needs to be done you know - only one more year before you take the exams."

"Will you return?" asked B'Toreth.

B'Toreth never scrupled to ask questions; in this instance the rest of the class felt grateful to him; none of them would have dared to ask it of Mrs. Chel, but all wanted to, for there had been alarming rumors running at large through the school for some time that Mrs. Chel was not coming back the next year - that her husband had been offered a position on the Trill homeworld, and wherever he went, she would follow. The University class listened in breathless suspense for her answer.

"Yes, I will," said Mrs. Chel. "My husband and I thought over the move, but decided to remain on Deep Space Nine. He is quite satisfied with his job here, and to tell the truth, I've grown so interested in you all that I found I just couldn't leave. So I'm here to stay."

B'Toreth let out what could best be described as a Klingon cheer. He had never been so carried away by his feelings before, and the sound of his jubilant roar went out into the Promenade, causing people to stop in their tracks.

"Oh, I'm so glad," said Ahn, with shining eyes. "Mrs. Chel, it would've been dreadful if you didn't come back. I don't believe I could have the heart to go on with my studies at all if another teacher came here."

When Ahn got home that night she stacked all her textbooks away in an old trunk, locked it, and slid it into a corner in her bedroom.

"I'm not even going to look at a schoolbook while on vacation," she told Quark. "I studied all term as hard as I possibly could. I poured over every mathematical equation, historical fact, and rule of grammar until I knew them all by heart. I just feel tired of everything sensible and I'm going to let my imagination run riot for the summer. Oh, you needn't be alarmed, Mr. Quark. I'll only let it run riot within reasonable limits. But I want to have a real good time this summer, for maybe it's the last summer I'll be a young girl. Dr. Bashir says that if I keep growing at my present rate, I'll need a whole new wardrobe by the new school year. I'll have to wear adult clothes like and I shall feel that I have to live up to them and be very dignified. It won't even do to believe in spirits then, I'm afraid; so I'm going to believe in them with all my whole heart this summer. I think we're going to have a great vacation. Alice Pickett is going to have her birthday party soon and there's a bunch of holosuite games I haven't tried yet and the Bajoran music festival is coming next month. And Becky says that she might go to see her Uncle Quinn on New Bajor. If so, perhaps I could go along this time. Becky says New Bajor has these forests with beautiful picnic areas. Last time she went, she said it was a dazzling sight to see. The setting suns were all orange and violet, and the guests ate and sang songs into the night. Becky says it was her first glimpse into the high life and she'll never forget it to her dying day."

A few days later, Commander Kira came by Quark's quarters to find out why he had not opened the bar for breakfast as he always did. She had become a regular customer, and the concept had taken on quite well. In fact, the bar did not open until lunch, and with one of the head waiters in charge. When she rang the door chime, it was Nog who answered. He gestured for her to come in, but to stay quiet.

"Uncle Quark had a terrible headache this morning," Nog whispered. "It was so bad, he couldn't stand. I forced him to go to Infirmary. He's doing better now, but he gets these headaches so often now that I'm worried. Doctor Bashir's scanned his head a dozen times, but couldn't find anything wrong. He thinks maybe it's stress. He gave Uncle some relaxants, and promised to do some more research. He even suggested contacting a Ferengi doctor, but I know it won't happen. Uncle hates doctors, and the only reason he agrees to the Infirmary is because Starfleet doesn't charge."

Nog invited the Commander to take a seat, but she declined. "I see that you've got your hands full," she said.

"It's ok," Nog insisted. "I'm not alone here." As Kira took a seat on the sofa, she spotted Ahn, going towards the back bedroom, with a pillow and a cup full of steaming liquid. She stopped briefly to offer a polite nod.

"I have to say, Ahn's really turned out well," admitted Kira. "She must be a great help to him."

"She is," said Nog. "She's the most reliable person I know. I used to think she was kind of careless, but I wouldn't be afraid to trust her in anything now."

"I never would have thought she'd have turned out so well the first time I saw her," said Kira. "I mean, that tantrum of hers was really something! When I left, I said to myself, 'Quark's going to be sorry for this!' But I was mistaken. Now, it's never been easy for me to admit that I've made a mistake. But I did make a big one in judging Ahn. I thought she was too stange and unruly, but it's nothing short of wonderful how she's improved these past few years. She's got a good mind, and she's growing into a beautiful young lady. Yes, I think that she is going to go far."

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EPISODE XXV
The Thought of What Lay Ahead

Ahn enjoyed her vacation from school wholeheartedly. She and Becky practically lived on the Promenade, reveling in the delights its three levels afforded. This time, Quark offered no objections to their roamings. During Ahn's yearly physical, Doctor Bashir noted some calluses on her fingers, and dark circles beneath her eyes. He screwed up his mouth, shook his head, and sent a message to Quark. It was:

"Let Ahn have some time to herself for once. Give her a rest from studying and don't ask her to do any work at the bar. If you don't agree, you can take it up with me...in person."

This message frightened Quark wholeheartedly. He saw a summons from stern-faced officials, along with heavy fines, if these orders were not scrupulously obeyed. As a result, Ahn had the vacation of her life as far as freedom and frolic went. She rested, roamed, wandered, and dreamed to her heart's content. By the time classes resumed, she was refreshed and alert. Her hands were baby soft, and her face was bright and clear. Dr. Bashir was satisfied.

"I feel just like studying with all my might and main," she declared as she brought her books out from underneath her bed. "Oh, you good old friends, I'm glad to see your honest faces once more - yes, even the mathematics. I've had a perfectly beautiful summer, Mr. Quark, and now I'm as right as rain, as Dr. Bashir said last week. Doesn't Dr. Bashir say such clever things? Commander Kira says that one day, perhaps Starfleet Medical will offer him a promotion and then we'll be left to break in another green doctor. But I don't see the use of meeting trouble halfway, do you, Mr. Quark? I think it would be better just to enjoy Dr. Bashir while we have him. If I weren't going to be a teacher then I would be a doctor. It must be thrilling to keep people from death's door. Do you think I would make a better doctor than a teacher?"

"You can be whatever you put your mind to...almost." said Quark. "While I don't think females have much mind for business, teaching and medicine do offer possibilities."

"Mr. Quark," said Ahn in a burst of confidence, "I want to tell you something and ask you what you think about it. It has worried me terribly...at night, that is, when I think especially about such matters. I do really want to be good; and when I'm with you or Cousin Nog or Mrs. Chel I want it more than ever and I want to do just what would please you and what you would approve of. But when I'm around other people I feel like I want to go and do the very things I should not do. I feel irresistibly tempted to do it. Now, what do you think is the reason I feel like that? Do you think it's because I'm bad? Is there something in my nature that is essentially corrupt?"
Quark looked dubious for a moment. Then he laughed.

"If you are, then I guess I am too. I have to admit that some people have that same effect on me. Take Moogie. I sometimes think she'd have more of an influence for good, as you say yourself, if she didn't keep nagging me to do right. There should have been a rule of acquisition against nagging. But there, I shouldn't talk about her so. My Moogie is a fine woman and she means well. There isn't a kinder soul or a finer set of ears out there."

"I'm very glad you feel as I do," said Ahn decidedly. "It's so encouraging. I won't worry so much about that after this. But I dare say there'll be other things to worry me. I keep coming up with new thoughts all the time...things that perplex me, you know. I'll settle one question and there's another right after. There are so many things to be thought over and decided when you're beginning to grow up. It keeps me busy all the time thinking them over and deciding what is right. It's a serious thing to grow up, isn't it, Mr. Quark? But when I have such good friends as you and Cousin Nog and Becky and Mrs. Chel I ought to grow up successfully, and I'm sure it will be my own fault if I don't. I feel it's a great responsibility because I have only the one chance. If I don't grow up right I can't go back and begin over again. Why, I've grown two inches this summer alone. I'm so glad you let me order some new clothes. My old ones have become too short and too tight. The dark-green dress I picked will be my new favorite. It is so pretty and it has a lower neckline. Of course, I know it might raise some eyes, but lower necklines are the style for this fall and Rislan Dana has hers almost to the chest. It's as if she's begging for attention."

"I'll bet," Quark remarked.

Mrs. Chel came back to the station school and found all her pupils eager for work once more. The University class was especially eager, since the fateful exams (known as "the Entrance"), would take place at the end of the year. The very thought made their hearts sink into their boots. What if they did not pass! That thought was doomed to haunt Ahn all her waking hours, weekends included, to the virtual exclusion of moral and theological problems. When Ahn had nightmares she found herself staring miserably at the pass lists of the Entrance exams, where Tared Evron's name was blazoned at the top and in which hers did not appear at all.
But it was a busy, challenging, swift-flying school year. The classes were as interesting, class rivalry as absorbing, as the year before. New worlds of thought, feeling, and ambition, fresh, fascinating fields of unexplored knowledge seemed to be opening out before Ahn's eager eyes.

"To boldly go where no one has gone before."

Much of all this was due to Mrs. Chel's tactful, careful, broadminded guidance. She led her class to think and explore and discover for themselves and encouraged straying from the old beaten paths to a degree that shocked many parents, who viewed such innovations on established methods rather dubiously. Apart from her studies, Ahn expanded socially, for Quark, mindful of Dr. Bashir's warning, no longer vetoed occasional outings. The school held its annual concerts and plays; there were one or two parties almost verging on grown-up affairs; and there were trips to Bajor.

Ahn also grew in other ways, shooting up so rapidly in height that Quark was astonished one day, when they were standing side by side in a turbolift, to find she was taller than himself.

"You're almost an adult now," he said, almost unbelievingly. A sigh followed on the words. Quark felt a queer regret over Ahn's growth. The child he had learned to love had vanished somehow and here was this tall, serious-eyed young woman of sixteen, with the thoughtful eyes and the proudly poised head, in her place. Quark loved the young woman as much as he had loved the child, but he was conscious of a queer and sorrowful sense of loss. That night, when Ahn had gone to sleep, Quark wandered onto the Promenade. Stopping in front of a large observation window, he soon was lost in his own thoughts and memories. Nog, en route to Ops, happened to catch sight of him standing alone. If he didn't know better, he swore he saw a tear travel down his uncle's cheek.

"Some dust in my eye," Quark blurted out as his nephew approached.

Nog nodded, faking agreement. "I was just thinking, when Ahn passes that exam, she'll be leaving the station."

"And I for one will be glad," Quark replied. "It's about time she began making her own way in the universe. She's already cost me a fortune." Though his tone came off as gruff, a part of him sorely wished for the eager little girl who was brought to him years before.

"You may be right," sighed Nog, "But, I'm really going to miss her. Things just won't be the same around here."

Besides the physical, there were other changes in Ahn. She became much quieter. Perhaps she thought all the more and dreamed as much as ever, but she certainly talked less. Quark commented on this a few days later, as they cleaned the bar.

"You don't talk half as much as you used to, and you don't use half as many of those big words. What's gotten into you?"

Ahn finished dusting a table, then she turned to face Quark.

"I just don't want to talk as much," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I think it's nicer to think dear, pretty thoughts and keep them in one's heart, like treasures. I don't like to have them laughed at or wondered over. And for some reason, I don't feel the need to use big words any more. It's almost a pity, isn't it, now that I'm really growing big enough to know their true meaning. It's fun to be almost grown up in some ways, but it's not the kind of fun I expected, Mr. Quark. There's so much to learn and do and think that there isn't time for big words. Besides, Mrs. Chel says the short ones are much stronger and better. She asks us write all our essays with the clearest, simplest language possible. It was hard at first. I was so used to crowding in all the fine big words I could think of. But I've gotten used to it now and I see it's so much better."

"And whatever happened to that story club of yours? I haven't heard you mention it in a long time."

"The story club is no longer in existence. No one had the time for it. Anyway, I think we had grown tired of it. It was silly to be writing about love and murder and tragedies and mysteries. Mrs. Chel sometimes assigns a short writing project, but she won't let us do any fiction. Then she takes our work and criticizes heavily while making us criticize it as well. I never thought my writing had so many faults until I began to look for them myself. I felt so ashamed I wanted to give up altogether, but Mrs. Chel said I could learn to write well if I only trained myself to be my own severest critic. And so I am trying to."

"You've only got two more months before exams," said Quark. "Do you think you'll be ready?"

Ahn shivered. "I don't know. Sometimes I think I'll be all right - and then I get horribly afraid. We've studied hard and Mrs. Chel has drilled us thoroughly, but still it may not be enough. We've each got a stumbling block. Mine is math of course, and B'Toreth's is reading, and Dana's and Alice's is physics, and Leslie's is history. Leslie says she feels in her bones that she will fail in inter-galactic history. Mrs. Chel is going to give us a practice exam next week so we'll have some idea what to expect. I wish it was all over, Mr. Quark. It haunts me. Sometimes I wake up in the night and wonder what I'll do if I don't pass."

"You'll try again, that's what" said Quark, unconcerned.

"Oh, I don't believe I'd have the heart for it. It would be such a disgrace to fail, especially if Evr - if the others passed. And I get so nervous during exams that I'm likely to make a mess of it. I wish I had nerves like B'Toreth. Nothing rattles a Klingon."

Ahn sighed and began dragging her dust rag across another table. Sure there would be other chances, but if she did not succeed in passing this one time, Ahn felt convinced that she would never have the heart to try again.

- - - - -

EPISODE XXVI
The Pass List Is Out

With the end of the school year came time for the Entrance. Mrs. Chel arranged to accompany the University class to Bajor the following week. As Ahn left the final study session, Becky came to greet her. Though she had just submitted her application to Jilliard, she was not in an optimistic mood.

"It seems as if everything's coming to an end now, doesn't it?" Becky remarked dismally. "You and I will be at the opposite ends of space."

"But we can talk to each other over subspace." Ahn countered. "Better yet, we can exchange gifts. You can send me recordings of your piano concerts, and I'll press some flowers from the University gardens."

"It won't be the same. You won't be around, nor will Rislan Dana, nor will B'Toreth for that matter. I will be on Earth alone, for there isn't another friend out there as true as you. Oh, we have had some great times, haven't we, Ahn? It's dreadful to think they're all over."

Two big tears rolled down by Becky's nose.

"Oh, please don't start crying," said Ahn imploringly. "You'll get me started. Why should we be upset? You and I are moving up in the universe. I will be a teacher and you will be a great pianist. Let's be happy for each other. Or as Mr. Quark says, 'If you can't be happy, be as happy as you can.' After all, I dare say I may still be here next year. This is one of those times I feel I KNOW I'm not going to pass. Those feelings are getting alarmingly frequent."

"But you did so well on the practice exam."

"Yes, but that didn't make me nervous. When I think of the real thing you can't imagine what a horrid cold fluttery feeling comes round my heart. And to make matters worse, my identification number ends in thirteen and you humans say that number is so unlucky. I am NOT human and I know it can make no difference. But still I wish my number didn't end in thirteen."

"I wish I could go with you next week," said Becky. "But I suppose I'd only be a distraction. You'll tell me how it goes, won't you?"

"I'll tell you everything," promised Ahn.

The next week, Becky spent her waking hours waiting anxiously by her computer. Ahn's written message finally came the morning of the fourth day.

"Dearest Becky" [wrote Ahn],

"I am writing late at night, while sitting on my bed. All day today I was terribly lonely and wishing so much that you were here with me. I wanted to take a quick look at my books, but Mrs. Chel told me no. She said it was 'cramming' and that was very bad. She said that 'if you haven't learned it in two years, you will not learn it now.' She told me to take a walk instead, and it calmed me down a little."

"When we first arrived, Mrs. Chel took us all on a tour of the campus. Rislan Dana asked me to feel her hands and they were as cold as ice. B'Toreth said I looked as if I hadn't slept and he didn't believe I was strong enough to withstand the rigors of the teacher's course even if I did pass the Entrance. There are times and seasons even yet when I don't feel that I've made any great headway in learning to like him!"

"When we reached the main concourse there were scores of students from other worlds. They were all talking and mingling, except for this one Vulcan who sat on the steps, muttering away to himself. Leslie Brooks asked him what was he was doing and he said he was reciting the teachings of Surak to steady his nerves and not to interrupt him, because if he stopped for a moment he got distracted and forgot everything he ever knew. Only this Surak helped him keep all his facts firmly in their proper place!"

"On the second day, Mrs. Chel came to the dorms and gave us a final talk. She wished us good luck and said that no matter what happened, she was grateful to have had such wonderful students. She then took us to the examination room. Alice Pickett and I sat in the same row and she was so composed that I envied her. No muttering Surak for good, steady, sensible Alice! I wondered if I looked as I felt and if they could hear my heart thumping clear across the room."

"A man came in and began distributing the exam. My hands shook and my head fairly whirled around as I stared at it. For one awful moment, friend, my mind went blank. I felt exactly as I did many years ago when I asked Mr. Quark if I might stay on Deep Space Nine. Then just as suddenly, my mind began to work again, along with my heart. - I forgot to say that it too had stopped altogether! I picked up the datapadd and forward I went!"

"Five hours later, we returned to our dorms. Tomorrow, it would begin all over again. As I predicted, the math was quite difficult and I got dreadfully mixed up with my equations. Still, I think I did fairly well today. But oh, Becky, the composition section comes next and the thought of it makes me want to hide underneath my bed. If I knew anything about the teachings of Surak I would mumble it from now till tomorrow morning."

"I went to see the others after dinner this evening. I found B'Toreth wandering distractedly around. He said he knew he had done poorly and had dishonored his family. He talked about leaving on the morning shuttle, but I persuaded him to stay until the end. I said it would be an insult to Mrs. Chel if he didn't at least try. Sometimes I have wished I was born a male, but when I saw B'Toreth I felt truly grateful that I was a female, and a Cardassian at that."

"I found Rislan Dana in her room, practically in hysterics. She was convinced she had forgotten to write her name on her exam. When she recovered we went out and had an ice cream. How we wished you had been with us."

"Oh, Becky, if only the end would come quicker! But there, as Mr. Quark says, the sun will go on rising and setting whether I pass the Entrance or not. That is true but not especially comforting. I think I'd rather it didn't go on if I failed!

Yours devotedly,
Kor Ahn"

The Entrance week concluded, and Ahn arrived home tired but with an air of chastened triumph about her. Becky was at the airlock when she arrived and they met as if they had been parted for years.

"Friend! It is so wonderful to see you again. It seems like forever since you left and oh, how did you do?"

"Pretty well, I think, in everything but the math. I don't know whether I passed or not and I have a creepy, crawly presentiment that I didn't. But oh, how good it is to be back! Deep Space Nine is truly for me a beacon in the darkness."

"How did the others do?"

"On the whole, I think we all did pretty well. Alice says the history was so easy an infant could have completed it! B'Toreth still thinks he failed it all, but we really won't know what happened until the pass list is out. That won't be for another two days. We'll be living all that time in suspense! I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up until it's all over."

Becky knew it would be useless to ask how Tared Evron had fared, so she merely said:

"Oh, you'll pass all right. Don't worry."

"I'd rather not pass at all than not come out pretty well up on the list," flashed Ahn, by which she meant - and Becky knew she meant - that success would be incomplete and bitter if she did not come out ahead of Tared Evron.

With this end in view Ahn had strained every nerve during the Entrance. So had Evron. They had met and passed each other on campus a dozen times without any sign of recognition and every time Ahn had held her head a little higher and wished a little more earnestly that she had made friends with Evron when he had asked her, and vowed a little more determinedly to surpass him in the examination. She knew that the entire school was wondering who would come out first; she even knew that Alojza Schumann and Lee Han had a bet on the matter and that William Toliver had said there was no doubt in the world that Evron would be first; and she felt that her humiliation would be unbearable if she failed.

But she had another and nobler motive for wishing to do well. She wanted to "pass high" for Quark's sake. He had declared to her his conviction that she "would show them all." That, Ahn felt, was something not to be hoped for even in her wildest dreams. But she did hoped fervently that she would be among the top scorers, so that she might see Quark's ears perk up with pride in her achievement. That, she felt, would be a sweet reward indeed for all her hard work and patient grubbing among unimaginative facts and equations.
On the fateful day, Ahn took to "haunting" the doors outside the schoolroom, in the distracted company of Dana, Leslie, and Alice, all pacing back and forth wringing their hands and possessed with feelings as foreboding as any experienced during Entrance week. Evron was not above doing this too, but B'Toreth stayed resolutely away.

"A Klingon does not stand around, trembling and sweating like frightened prey. I will wait until someone comes and tells me whether I've passed or not."

When morning, then afternoon had gone by without the pass list appearing, Ahn began to feel that she really couldn't stand the strain much longer. Her head throbbed and legs felt like they would buckle. Quark, noting Ahn's paleness and lack of appetite, seriously wondered if he shouldn't slip the testing officials a little "encouragement" to work faster.

The news didn't come until late evening. By then, Ahn was sitting on a barstool, for the time being distracted from the woes of exams and the cares of the universe by an ice-cream sundae. She dug a path through fluffy whipped cream and dark melted fudge, finally reaching the pale ice cream. Just as she raised the spoon to her mouth, she saw Rislan Dana fly into the bar. The expression on her face was unmistakable.

Ahn sprang to her feet. Her head whirled and her heart beat until it hurt. She could not move a step. It seemed an eternity before Dana came to stand before her.

"Ahn, you've passed," she cried, "at the VERY TOP...you and Evron tied...but your name is up there first. Oh, I'm so proud of you!"

Dana reached out and embraced her tightly, leaving Ahn utterly breathless and incapable of speech. Yes, she had passed - number one from hundreds of applicants total! That moment was truly worth living for.

"You did just splendidly, Ahn," puffed Dana, releasing her, for Ahn, starry eyed and rapt, had not uttered a word. "The results were posted just now, and when I saw it I rushed over right away. We all passed, every one of us. I'm in the top ten percent myself! Won't Mrs. Chel be delighted? Oh, Ahn, what does it feel like to see your name at the head of a pass list like that? If it were me I know I'd go crazy with joy. I am pretty near crazy as it is, but you're as calm and cool as your ice cream."

"I don't know what to say," said Ahn. "I can't find the words to match the feeling. I never dreamed of this...yes, I did too, just once! I let myself think ONCE, 'What if I should come out first?' But it seemed so vain and presumptuous to think I could be the top at anything. Will you excuse me now, I need to talk to someone."

Ahn hurried up the stairs, where Quark had just finished screening a new holosuite program. Though Ahn was ready to burst, she took a deep breath and addressed him in subdued tones.

"Oh, Mr. Quark," exclaimed Ahn, "I didn't mean to interrupt, but I wanted to let you know that I've passed and that I'm first...or one of the first. I'm not being vain, mind you, I'm just stating a fact."

"Well, I always said you could do it," Quark replied, equally subdued. "I knew you could beat them all easily. You're a credit to the station, and to me Ahn, and I'm very proud of you."

An awkward pause followed. Then just as Quark was about to head down, Ahn rushed forward, locking the Ferengi in an embrace. She held on so tightly that he could feel the beating of her heart. It was a heart filled with adoration and gratitude. It was a heart filled with thankfulness for the past and reverent petition for the future. It was a heart filled with dreams as fair and bright and beautiful as any soul could desire.

It was a tight embrace, but Quark did not back away.