Financial Fiasco 7
Disclaimer: . . . Ugh! I've written these things sooooooooooooooooo many times. You should know by now Squaresoft owns FF7 and I don't!
Turks are at a bar drunk because they're near broke.
Reno: Ugh! This sucks! chugs beer in one gulp Drink please. We're stuck without a job and no money!
Elena:slurred voice ::hic:: But wait. . . ::hic:: I thought ::hic:: we were ::hic:: still employed at ::hic:: Squaresoft. ::hic-hic-hic::
Rude: . . .
Reno: We're outta' a job cause. . . swallows another one the Final Fantasy 7 project ended four years ago.
Elena: voice still slurred Whu? What's ::hic:: Final ::hic:: Fantasy ::hic:: 7? ::hic::
Reno: Uh. . . I mean . . . uh . . . Shin-Ra division closed down. Yeah! doesn't want to give away secret that they're all just wee-tiny pixels on your computer
Rude: . . .
Reno: ::hic::
Elena: ::hic::
Reno: ::hic::
Elena: ::hic::
Reno: ::hic-hic-hic::
Elena and Reno pass out 'cause they're so drunk and Rude (who is still sober) drags 'em back home.
At Turks' house after Elena and Reno wake up.
Rude:. . .
Elena: Hey Reno?
Reno: drinks bottle of wine Huh?
Elena: Why don't we have any money?
Rude:. . .
Reno: drinks a whole six-pack Uh. . . Wuh?
Elena: hits Reno over the head
Rude:. . .
Reno: drinks rubbing alcohol Oh yeah!. . . We ::hic:: lost our jobs.
Phone: Ring!
Rude:. . .
Elena: I'm not getting' it!
Phone: Ring!
Reno: I'll ::hic get it. gets up and answers phone Yo, ::hic:: Turks here.
Rufus: over phone Hey. It's Rufus, me and the guys at Square are gonna-
Reno: Hiya, ::hic:: lurv cake. Wutcha' ::hic:: up to ::hic:: sexy?
Rufus:. . . re-hire. . . you? raises eyebrow and hangs up Weirdo. . .
Elena: Who was it?
Reno: I think it ::hic:: was Elena. ::hic:: Only she got ::hic:: a ::hic:: voice so sexy. ::hic::
Rude:. . .
Elena: gets up and punches Reno in the face
Reno: HA-HAH HA!falls on floor laughingkeeps laughing 'til he faints for no reason
Elena:slaps Reno until he wakes up
Rude:. . .
Reno: Ow! My cheeks hurt! rubs red left cheek
Elena: Okay! Down to business! What are we gonna do about money?
Reno: First we'll need a job.
Rude:. . .
Elena: But what?
The Turks think (probably for the first time in their lives) long and hard.
Two days later. . .
Elena: I've got it! returns a few hours later with a big pile of weapons Reno! Sell these! Rude! Advertise! Elena thinks: Rude cups hands to mouth and goes ". . ." On second thought, Reno, you advertise 'em.
Reno: OK!
Rude:. . .
A little while later. . .
Reno: yelling Get yer weapons! Get yer weapons! REAL cheap! We got Ragnaroks, Mops, and Wizard Staffs! Get yer weapons!
Guy: Ooooooh! I'll take one of these and two of these! to Rude Okay cashier, ring me up!
Rude:. . .
Guy: C'mon mister! How much is this stuff?
Rude:. . .
Guy: drops stuff FINE! I'm outta' here! You don't need to be RUDE! guy walks away muttering about the silent treatment
Rude:. . . ;_; but no one can tell
Police: walk up Ah, the Turks. Come with us, you're under arrest for weapons theft from Shin-Ra inc.
Turks raise hands.
Reno: Say, Elena?
Elena: Yeah?
Reno: Where did you get those weapons?
Elena: Oh. I found 'em lying around in some room in Shin-Ra HQ.
Reno, Police, and Rude:. . .
Elena: meek voice Oops.
Turks in jail. . .
Reno: is jumping around like he's crazy I can't take prison anymore! I've been in here too long! I'm goin' mad, mad I tell 'ya MAD!!! turns to Elena and Rude And you. . . YOU TWO CONSPIRED AGAINST ME!
Guard: Enjoying your first five minutes?
Reno: is choking Elena and Rude Yup! :)
Elena: Ack.
Rude:. . .
Guard: unlocks cell Well, someone paid your bail. You're free to go.
Reno: drops Elena and Rude Oh poo, I was having fun.
Rude:. . .
Rude:. . .
Rude:. . .
Elena: But who could've paid the completely non-existent bail for theft and sale of weaponry?
?????: is wheeled in on a wheelchair Hey guys! Longtime no see.
Reno and Elena: Tseng!
Rude:. . .
Tseng: Yup, alive and kicking. kicks guard in shin
Rude:. . .
Elena: But Tseng, how did you survive a masamune stab?
Tseng: opens up shirt and there is a hole in his stomach Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, I survived. Sadly, every day I have to clean the hole in my gut out after every meal or the flow of food is clogged. . .
All: Ewwwwwww! well, Rude just went ". . ."
Tseng: And I used the last of my money just to bail you guys out.
Back at Turks' house. . .
All are drunk except Rude
Tseng: So, uh ::hic:: how have you guys ::hic:: been? ::hic-hic-hic::
Reno: A lot worse than y- passes out
Elena:voice slurred These last three days sucked. Heh-heh.
Rude: Our Financial situation would be considered ridiculous and comical by our society's slowly declining sense of humor. Also Reno's ability to be constantly drunk and always pass out is considered funny. Combined, these two elements have led us on a stupid quest to become richer, and in the end we've emerged poorer than we began.
All: puzzled look Where did that come from?!
Rude: Uh, I mean. . .
THE END
Disclaimer: . . . Ugh! I've written these things sooooooooooooooooo many times. You should know by now Squaresoft owns FF7 and I don't!
Turks are at a bar drunk because they're near broke.
Reno: Ugh! This sucks! chugs beer in one gulp Drink please. We're stuck without a job and no money!
Elena:slurred voice ::hic:: But wait. . . ::hic:: I thought ::hic:: we were ::hic:: still employed at ::hic:: Squaresoft. ::hic-hic-hic::
Rude: . . .
Reno: We're outta' a job cause. . . swallows another one the Final Fantasy 7 project ended four years ago.
Elena: voice still slurred Whu? What's ::hic:: Final ::hic:: Fantasy ::hic:: 7? ::hic::
Reno: Uh. . . I mean . . . uh . . . Shin-Ra division closed down. Yeah! doesn't want to give away secret that they're all just wee-tiny pixels on your computer
Rude: . . .
Reno: ::hic::
Elena: ::hic::
Reno: ::hic::
Elena: ::hic::
Reno: ::hic-hic-hic::
Elena and Reno pass out 'cause they're so drunk and Rude (who is still sober) drags 'em back home.
At Turks' house after Elena and Reno wake up.
Rude:. . .
Elena: Hey Reno?
Reno: drinks bottle of wine Huh?
Elena: Why don't we have any money?
Rude:. . .
Reno: drinks a whole six-pack Uh. . . Wuh?
Elena: hits Reno over the head
Rude:. . .
Reno: drinks rubbing alcohol Oh yeah!. . . We ::hic:: lost our jobs.
Phone: Ring!
Rude:. . .
Elena: I'm not getting' it!
Phone: Ring!
Reno: I'll ::hic get it. gets up and answers phone Yo, ::hic:: Turks here.
Rufus: over phone Hey. It's Rufus, me and the guys at Square are gonna-
Reno: Hiya, ::hic:: lurv cake. Wutcha' ::hic:: up to ::hic:: sexy?
Rufus:. . . re-hire. . . you? raises eyebrow and hangs up Weirdo. . .
Elena: Who was it?
Reno: I think it ::hic:: was Elena. ::hic:: Only she got ::hic:: a ::hic:: voice so sexy. ::hic::
Rude:. . .
Elena: gets up and punches Reno in the face
Reno: HA-HAH HA!falls on floor laughingkeeps laughing 'til he faints for no reason
Elena:slaps Reno until he wakes up
Rude:. . .
Reno: Ow! My cheeks hurt! rubs red left cheek
Elena: Okay! Down to business! What are we gonna do about money?
Reno: First we'll need a job.
Rude:. . .
Elena: But what?
The Turks think (probably for the first time in their lives) long and hard.
Two days later. . .
Elena: I've got it! returns a few hours later with a big pile of weapons Reno! Sell these! Rude! Advertise! Elena thinks: Rude cups hands to mouth and goes ". . ." On second thought, Reno, you advertise 'em.
Reno: OK!
Rude:. . .
A little while later. . .
Reno: yelling Get yer weapons! Get yer weapons! REAL cheap! We got Ragnaroks, Mops, and Wizard Staffs! Get yer weapons!
Guy: Ooooooh! I'll take one of these and two of these! to Rude Okay cashier, ring me up!
Rude:. . .
Guy: C'mon mister! How much is this stuff?
Rude:. . .
Guy: drops stuff FINE! I'm outta' here! You don't need to be RUDE! guy walks away muttering about the silent treatment
Rude:. . . ;_; but no one can tell
Police: walk up Ah, the Turks. Come with us, you're under arrest for weapons theft from Shin-Ra inc.
Turks raise hands.
Reno: Say, Elena?
Elena: Yeah?
Reno: Where did you get those weapons?
Elena: Oh. I found 'em lying around in some room in Shin-Ra HQ.
Reno, Police, and Rude:. . .
Elena: meek voice Oops.
Turks in jail. . .
Reno: is jumping around like he's crazy I can't take prison anymore! I've been in here too long! I'm goin' mad, mad I tell 'ya MAD!!! turns to Elena and Rude And you. . . YOU TWO CONSPIRED AGAINST ME!
Guard: Enjoying your first five minutes?
Reno: is choking Elena and Rude Yup! :)
Elena: Ack.
Rude:. . .
Guard: unlocks cell Well, someone paid your bail. You're free to go.
Reno: drops Elena and Rude Oh poo, I was having fun.
Rude:. . .
Rude:. . .
Rude:. . .
Elena: But who could've paid the completely non-existent bail for theft and sale of weaponry?
?????: is wheeled in on a wheelchair Hey guys! Longtime no see.
Reno and Elena: Tseng!
Rude:. . .
Tseng: Yup, alive and kicking. kicks guard in shin
Rude:. . .
Elena: But Tseng, how did you survive a masamune stab?
Tseng: opens up shirt and there is a hole in his stomach Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, I survived. Sadly, every day I have to clean the hole in my gut out after every meal or the flow of food is clogged. . .
All: Ewwwwwww! well, Rude just went ". . ."
Tseng: And I used the last of my money just to bail you guys out.
Back at Turks' house. . .
All are drunk except Rude
Tseng: So, uh ::hic:: how have you guys ::hic:: been? ::hic-hic-hic::
Reno: A lot worse than y- passes out
Elena:voice slurred These last three days sucked. Heh-heh.
Rude: Our Financial situation would be considered ridiculous and comical by our society's slowly declining sense of humor. Also Reno's ability to be constantly drunk and always pass out is considered funny. Combined, these two elements have led us on a stupid quest to become richer, and in the end we've emerged poorer than we began.
All: puzzled look Where did that come from?!
Rude: Uh, I mean. . .
THE END