Oct 2002
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, all the characters (Except for Tasha) are property of Lucasfilm etc etc.
Hide Your Love Away
Chapter 17
Padmé entered the council chamber without knocking or announcing her presence. What was the point when Master Yoda was waiting for her? Stepping into the room, she suppressed a shiver. Where there had once been a feeling of peace, there was now sorrow and emptiness. She stopped in the center of the room and was a little unnerved to find only Master Yoda. She'd expected at least part of the council.
"You wanted to see me Master Yoda?"
He looked at her for a long moment before a smile crossed his face. "Good to see you it is, worried I was."
"I'm touched," she returned the smile. "I understand Anakin is in deep meditation?"
Yoda nodded, his face once again passive. "Learning, he is. Exploring."
Padmé fought a grimace. "I take it I can't exactly wake him up and call a meeting to plan a strategy. I thought they wanted to talk plans when I was finally out of the medical bay."
"Plan you can. Waiting for you, we were. Know you how to trap a diplomat?"
She shrugged. "I've never tried."
"Succeed you must, yes?"
"Why me?"
"Smart you are, Padmé Skywalker. Detached from the situation. Too close, Skywalker is. Thinking clearly, he is not."
"So the planning has always fallen to me, and so this must also fall to me?" She looked skeptical. "Anakin must have a few idea of how to trap the Chancellor. I don't even know the man anymore. I knew him, before he turned to the Dark side; at least I think I did. He was a good man before power corrupted him."
"Good in him still, do you think?"
She shook her head. "No. Anyone who wants to use children for galactic dominance can't be good. Are my children in danger, Master Yoda?"
"At this time, they are not."
She breathed a sigh of relief. Her children were safe. "I'll retire to Anakin's quarters then, if you'll just direct me there, and start planning our attack."
Yoda watched her as she paced unconsciously, releasing her nervous energy as she spoke. "In meditation he is. Disturb him, you must not."
"He's in his room?"
Yoda nodded.
"Fine, I won't disturb him. Is there some place quiet I can go to put this together?"
"The Gardens."
"Peaceful as they are, Master Yoda, I don't think they're conductive to planning an attack on the Supreme Chancellor. Is there a library or perhaps a study hall?"
"A Library. Allowed in, you are not. For Jedi only, it is."
"Fine, then I'll just sit in Anankin's room at a desk or something. I don't care. Either way I need a quiet place."
"Calm, Lady Skywalker."
She blinked, unused to hearing herself referred to as "Lady Skywalker". "I am calm, Master Yoda. I'm just frustrated, that's all."
He chuckled. "Know this, I do. Skywalker's chambers are 46A8. Near the Medical bay, they are."
She smiled. "Thank you Master Yoda. I trust you'll call me if you have anything more to say?"
"Yes. Remember, disturb him not. Dangerous this time is."
"I'll remember."
Yoda closed his eyes as she stepped from the room. Carefully, he reached out with the Force and checked on Anakin's progress. A shudder ran through his small frame as the darkness Anakin was facing came into his mind. As a silent spectator, Yoda watched and hoped, asking the Force to give the young man strength.
Roiling darkness filled his thoughts, his body, as Anakin stepped into the maelstrom that was his own mind. A voice he recognized clearly echoed around him. "Anakin..."
"Mom!" he screamed her name, reaching out desperately, trying to find her. "Hang on Mom! I'll find you, I swear it!"
He was weary, drained, from fighting his childhood demons. Thus far he'd faced everything from his fear of the dark, to losing Qui-Gon. He'd dealt with his fear of rejection by Padmé, to his fear of failure in his Master's eyes. Now, it seemed, he would deal with losing his mother. Again. The first time had sent him spiraling into a tailspin.
The images in his mind cleared and he saw the Tusken Raider's camp below him. He was knelt on the bluff above the encampment on the night he'd lost his mother. Closing his eyes, he searched for strength. The Force was there, flowing through him, replenishing him, and soothing his fears. The knowledge of what was going to happen, of what had happened, was foremost in his mind, but the sting of it hurt only his heart. Dropping to the ground below, he worked his way around the encampment to the only guarded tent. Cutting a hole in the side, he kicked the weakened mud-flap aside and stepped in.
Memories assailed him as he looked at the bruised and battered form stretched across the rack. "Mom." He whispered softly.
She was unconscious, barely hanging on by a thread. He pried her loose, cradling her in his arms as he sank to the floor. He'd done this before, and he still felt the same. Anger at her treatment, love for her and sorrow of what he knew what must come.
"Mom. Mom."
Her eyes fluttered open, barely a spark of life in their brown depths. She blinked a couple of times, looking up at him. "Ani? Is it you?"
He nodded, feeling tears stinging his eyes. He loved her and, even now, two years after her death, it felt like yesterday. "I'm here mom, you're safe."
She seemed to disbelieve him. "Ani? Ani?" A smile lit her features and he concentrated on it, feeling her love surround him. He hadn't felt it at the time; he'd been too worried about her. She cupped his face and he kissed her palm. "You look so handsome. My son; my grownup son. I'm so proud of you, Ani."
"I missed you." He could still feel all of his emotions warring with one another, threatening to overwhelm him. He had so much to tell her, so much to say, and he knew he wouldn't have the time.
She smiled. "Now I am complete. I..."
She shifted his hold on her, knowing what was coming but unable to stop it. "Stay with me mom, everything will be..." he swallowed hard, fighting the tears clogging his throat.
She tried again. "I love..."
He watched as the spark died in her eyes, her head dropping back on a neck with no support. He felt the pain first. The deep, sharp stabbing pains that tore through his heart. She was gone. She was really, truly, gone. In shock, he reached up and closed her eyes. He felt the anger, the hatred, boiling through his system. He hated the Tusken Raiders. Hated them for doing this to his mother, for stealing her just when he needed her most.
The Force flowed through him, tainted with darkness and he fought it. He'd been too weak to resist, hadn't wanted to resist, the first time. He'd wanted them all to pay for his pain. This time was no different, but he had a higher goal. He had to face this, to accept it as a part of him. She had loved him to the end, and though she hadn't lived long enough to say it, she had tried. He felt her love, her fierce pride and most of all her forgiveness. She didn't waste her last moments on anger and regret, she'd focused on the good. The good fortune of being able to see him one last time. And she'd been thankful.
Tears stung his eyes as he bowed his head, taking a deep breath and letting it out. Holding her close, he banished the anger and hatred, leaving an empty ache where they'd once been. She'd loved him. In honor of her memory he wouldn't succumb; she deserved better.
The Tusken's tent dissolved as he opened his eyes, his mother's body still in his arms. Her eyes fluttered as he watched and joy surged through his heart. "Mom?"
She opened her eyes, cradled in his arms, a black void surrounding them. As he watched, her wounds healed, leaving her unblemished and youthful looking. She reached up to cup his face like before, her eyes glowing with pride. "You've done it, my son."
He hugged her. "Mom! I thought I'd lost you."
"You almost did." She searched his eyes, her smile soft. "Remember, Anakin, you can choose your own destiny. You have a wonderful wife and lovely children. My grandchildren. I'm so proud of you. By letting go of your anger and hate, I can speak to you this once. I'll always be with you, watching you."
"Don't go again, please mom. I miss you."
She hugged him back, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here, in your heart. Every time you think of me, every time you love, I am with you. Be strong my son, I know you'll do what's right."
He felt her lips caress his cheek and then she was gone. Closing his eyes, he captured her words, her emotions. He wouldn't dishonor her by becoming angry at her desertion. After all, she wasn't really gone, he just couldn't see her any longer. Determinedly, he opened his eyes. He would succeed. He would make her proud.
Padmé opened the lock on the room she would share with Anakin, silently stepping inside. She immediately felt his presence. She wasn't sure how, but somehow, she knew he was here. Mindful of Yoda's warning, she turned the light on and froze. Covered in beads of sweat, his hair plastered to his head, face and neck, her husband sat, unmoving, on the floor at the end of the bed.
She took a moment and simply looked at him. His chest was bare, muscled, his washboard stomach clear of all but the faintest traces of hair. Sweat trailed over his muscles, down his ridged abdomen before being soaked up by his shorts. She swallowed hard. Not disturb him? Was Yoda insane? Her hands itched to touch him, to feel those muscles under her fingers. Her mouth went dry and she turned her back on him as she fought the urge to sweep his hair off his forehead. He was simply too tempting. She'd never seen him so still.
Walking away, she moved to the desk and scrounged for a datapad. She found one in the upper drawer before glancing back at Anakin. He hadn't moved. His chest was barely moving and she understood it was because he was focused within himself, but... she shook the thoughts away. She'd not disturb him. His very presence might cost her her sanity, but she wouldn't touch him. She'd given her word, however informal.
Swallowing hard, she turned to the desk and datapad, carefully writing out the plan that had been forming in the back of her mind since before she'd been forced into the medical lab and healing trances. She'd had lots of time to think, to plan and prepare and now, even distracted, she could write it out completely.
She spent over two hours hunched over the desk, carefully drawing diagrams of the Chancellor's office, his quarters (which she'd only seen twice) and every other place she could possibly imagine confronting him, including the Senate. Her mind slowly became absorbed in her work and she managed to block out the temptation of her husband's near naked form not ten feet away. This plan had to be perfect.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, all the characters (Except for Tasha) are property of Lucasfilm etc etc.
Hide Your Love Away
Chapter 17
Padmé entered the council chamber without knocking or announcing her presence. What was the point when Master Yoda was waiting for her? Stepping into the room, she suppressed a shiver. Where there had once been a feeling of peace, there was now sorrow and emptiness. She stopped in the center of the room and was a little unnerved to find only Master Yoda. She'd expected at least part of the council.
"You wanted to see me Master Yoda?"
He looked at her for a long moment before a smile crossed his face. "Good to see you it is, worried I was."
"I'm touched," she returned the smile. "I understand Anakin is in deep meditation?"
Yoda nodded, his face once again passive. "Learning, he is. Exploring."
Padmé fought a grimace. "I take it I can't exactly wake him up and call a meeting to plan a strategy. I thought they wanted to talk plans when I was finally out of the medical bay."
"Plan you can. Waiting for you, we were. Know you how to trap a diplomat?"
She shrugged. "I've never tried."
"Succeed you must, yes?"
"Why me?"
"Smart you are, Padmé Skywalker. Detached from the situation. Too close, Skywalker is. Thinking clearly, he is not."
"So the planning has always fallen to me, and so this must also fall to me?" She looked skeptical. "Anakin must have a few idea of how to trap the Chancellor. I don't even know the man anymore. I knew him, before he turned to the Dark side; at least I think I did. He was a good man before power corrupted him."
"Good in him still, do you think?"
She shook her head. "No. Anyone who wants to use children for galactic dominance can't be good. Are my children in danger, Master Yoda?"
"At this time, they are not."
She breathed a sigh of relief. Her children were safe. "I'll retire to Anakin's quarters then, if you'll just direct me there, and start planning our attack."
Yoda watched her as she paced unconsciously, releasing her nervous energy as she spoke. "In meditation he is. Disturb him, you must not."
"He's in his room?"
Yoda nodded.
"Fine, I won't disturb him. Is there some place quiet I can go to put this together?"
"The Gardens."
"Peaceful as they are, Master Yoda, I don't think they're conductive to planning an attack on the Supreme Chancellor. Is there a library or perhaps a study hall?"
"A Library. Allowed in, you are not. For Jedi only, it is."
"Fine, then I'll just sit in Anankin's room at a desk or something. I don't care. Either way I need a quiet place."
"Calm, Lady Skywalker."
She blinked, unused to hearing herself referred to as "Lady Skywalker". "I am calm, Master Yoda. I'm just frustrated, that's all."
He chuckled. "Know this, I do. Skywalker's chambers are 46A8. Near the Medical bay, they are."
She smiled. "Thank you Master Yoda. I trust you'll call me if you have anything more to say?"
"Yes. Remember, disturb him not. Dangerous this time is."
"I'll remember."
Yoda closed his eyes as she stepped from the room. Carefully, he reached out with the Force and checked on Anakin's progress. A shudder ran through his small frame as the darkness Anakin was facing came into his mind. As a silent spectator, Yoda watched and hoped, asking the Force to give the young man strength.
Roiling darkness filled his thoughts, his body, as Anakin stepped into the maelstrom that was his own mind. A voice he recognized clearly echoed around him. "Anakin..."
"Mom!" he screamed her name, reaching out desperately, trying to find her. "Hang on Mom! I'll find you, I swear it!"
He was weary, drained, from fighting his childhood demons. Thus far he'd faced everything from his fear of the dark, to losing Qui-Gon. He'd dealt with his fear of rejection by Padmé, to his fear of failure in his Master's eyes. Now, it seemed, he would deal with losing his mother. Again. The first time had sent him spiraling into a tailspin.
The images in his mind cleared and he saw the Tusken Raider's camp below him. He was knelt on the bluff above the encampment on the night he'd lost his mother. Closing his eyes, he searched for strength. The Force was there, flowing through him, replenishing him, and soothing his fears. The knowledge of what was going to happen, of what had happened, was foremost in his mind, but the sting of it hurt only his heart. Dropping to the ground below, he worked his way around the encampment to the only guarded tent. Cutting a hole in the side, he kicked the weakened mud-flap aside and stepped in.
Memories assailed him as he looked at the bruised and battered form stretched across the rack. "Mom." He whispered softly.
She was unconscious, barely hanging on by a thread. He pried her loose, cradling her in his arms as he sank to the floor. He'd done this before, and he still felt the same. Anger at her treatment, love for her and sorrow of what he knew what must come.
"Mom. Mom."
Her eyes fluttered open, barely a spark of life in their brown depths. She blinked a couple of times, looking up at him. "Ani? Is it you?"
He nodded, feeling tears stinging his eyes. He loved her and, even now, two years after her death, it felt like yesterday. "I'm here mom, you're safe."
She seemed to disbelieve him. "Ani? Ani?" A smile lit her features and he concentrated on it, feeling her love surround him. He hadn't felt it at the time; he'd been too worried about her. She cupped his face and he kissed her palm. "You look so handsome. My son; my grownup son. I'm so proud of you, Ani."
"I missed you." He could still feel all of his emotions warring with one another, threatening to overwhelm him. He had so much to tell her, so much to say, and he knew he wouldn't have the time.
She smiled. "Now I am complete. I..."
She shifted his hold on her, knowing what was coming but unable to stop it. "Stay with me mom, everything will be..." he swallowed hard, fighting the tears clogging his throat.
She tried again. "I love..."
He watched as the spark died in her eyes, her head dropping back on a neck with no support. He felt the pain first. The deep, sharp stabbing pains that tore through his heart. She was gone. She was really, truly, gone. In shock, he reached up and closed her eyes. He felt the anger, the hatred, boiling through his system. He hated the Tusken Raiders. Hated them for doing this to his mother, for stealing her just when he needed her most.
The Force flowed through him, tainted with darkness and he fought it. He'd been too weak to resist, hadn't wanted to resist, the first time. He'd wanted them all to pay for his pain. This time was no different, but he had a higher goal. He had to face this, to accept it as a part of him. She had loved him to the end, and though she hadn't lived long enough to say it, she had tried. He felt her love, her fierce pride and most of all her forgiveness. She didn't waste her last moments on anger and regret, she'd focused on the good. The good fortune of being able to see him one last time. And she'd been thankful.
Tears stung his eyes as he bowed his head, taking a deep breath and letting it out. Holding her close, he banished the anger and hatred, leaving an empty ache where they'd once been. She'd loved him. In honor of her memory he wouldn't succumb; she deserved better.
The Tusken's tent dissolved as he opened his eyes, his mother's body still in his arms. Her eyes fluttered as he watched and joy surged through his heart. "Mom?"
She opened her eyes, cradled in his arms, a black void surrounding them. As he watched, her wounds healed, leaving her unblemished and youthful looking. She reached up to cup his face like before, her eyes glowing with pride. "You've done it, my son."
He hugged her. "Mom! I thought I'd lost you."
"You almost did." She searched his eyes, her smile soft. "Remember, Anakin, you can choose your own destiny. You have a wonderful wife and lovely children. My grandchildren. I'm so proud of you. By letting go of your anger and hate, I can speak to you this once. I'll always be with you, watching you."
"Don't go again, please mom. I miss you."
She hugged him back, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here, in your heart. Every time you think of me, every time you love, I am with you. Be strong my son, I know you'll do what's right."
He felt her lips caress his cheek and then she was gone. Closing his eyes, he captured her words, her emotions. He wouldn't dishonor her by becoming angry at her desertion. After all, she wasn't really gone, he just couldn't see her any longer. Determinedly, he opened his eyes. He would succeed. He would make her proud.
Padmé opened the lock on the room she would share with Anakin, silently stepping inside. She immediately felt his presence. She wasn't sure how, but somehow, she knew he was here. Mindful of Yoda's warning, she turned the light on and froze. Covered in beads of sweat, his hair plastered to his head, face and neck, her husband sat, unmoving, on the floor at the end of the bed.
She took a moment and simply looked at him. His chest was bare, muscled, his washboard stomach clear of all but the faintest traces of hair. Sweat trailed over his muscles, down his ridged abdomen before being soaked up by his shorts. She swallowed hard. Not disturb him? Was Yoda insane? Her hands itched to touch him, to feel those muscles under her fingers. Her mouth went dry and she turned her back on him as she fought the urge to sweep his hair off his forehead. He was simply too tempting. She'd never seen him so still.
Walking away, she moved to the desk and scrounged for a datapad. She found one in the upper drawer before glancing back at Anakin. He hadn't moved. His chest was barely moving and she understood it was because he was focused within himself, but... she shook the thoughts away. She'd not disturb him. His very presence might cost her her sanity, but she wouldn't touch him. She'd given her word, however informal.
Swallowing hard, she turned to the desk and datapad, carefully writing out the plan that had been forming in the back of her mind since before she'd been forced into the medical lab and healing trances. She'd had lots of time to think, to plan and prepare and now, even distracted, she could write it out completely.
She spent over two hours hunched over the desk, carefully drawing diagrams of the Chancellor's office, his quarters (which she'd only seen twice) and every other place she could possibly imagine confronting him, including the Senate. Her mind slowly became absorbed in her work and she managed to block out the temptation of her husband's near naked form not ten feet away. This plan had to be perfect.