Buffy slammed the phone down. "Dammit!"
"What's wrong?" asked Angel.
She ran a hand through her hair. "Willow is in trouble and....Spike's back."
She watched Angel grow tense, but turned his attention back to her. "Are you leaving?"
"I don't know. Giles said there's no reason to come back, but he and Willow are going to England and I don't trust Xander not to kill Spike without anyone there to stop him."
"Dawn."
"She had a fight with Spike. I don't think she's too worried about him right now."
"What about Anya?"
"She's not there. She took a vacation for the summer. I don't think she'll be back anytime soon."
"They could come here," Angel offered.
"Really?" she said hopfully. Then she put a resolve face on. "I mean, no. No. You have your problems here. You have to spend time with Cordelia and you have to find your son and I don't want to bring my troubles here."
"I don't mind. We don't have any leads to where Conner could be. Just Dawn and Xander wouldn't get in my way."
"What about Spike? I really, really, as much I as I don't want it, have to talk to him."
"About what?"
"Angel. Unless you have grown deaf or just have a bad memory, I think you know what."
"Oh."
"Yeah. So, I really do need to go. I can come back sometime. Maybe a few weeks. I just need to get my problems sorted out."
He nodded. "When are you leaving?"
"Giles said him and Willow are leaving for England tomorrow, so I can hang here for a few more hours, then I have to head back."
"I can drive you."
"Okay."
Cordelia spoke up. "So, are you two going to hang out, cause if you are, I'm going out."
"Where to?" asked Angel.
"I don't know. Just out. Probably just cruise around. I can't really go anywhere because of this glow thing."
"Well, there's not much me and Angel can do together," said Buffy.
"You can fight. I like to watch you fight." Cordelia turned to Angel. "Maybe you can win this time."
Buffy smirked at Angel over Cordelia's shoulder. "Yeah. Or, at least come close."
Buffy moved from behind the counter. "I need to change if we're going to sparr."
"Okay," said Angel.
Buffy ran up the stairs and fled to her room. When she came back out, she had her leather jeans and a tank top on. She pulled her hair back into a pony-tail.
Angel took of his jacket. He was wearing a muscle shirt under it.
They took fighting stance in the middle of the lobby.
"Hey, is there a fight?" said Gunn, coming down the stairs. "I wanna watch."
"Be my guest," said Buffy.
Gunn walked over to where Cordelia was sitting on the couch.
"Who do you think is going to win?" asked Cordelia.
"I think Buffy looks pretty small to fight someone like Angel. Then again, she's kicked his ass before. So, my bet's for Buffy."
"And as much as I want to say Angel, I have to agree with you."
Buffy and Angel started to circle each other.
Buffy threw the first punch, hitting him squarly in the jaw. His head snapped to the side. Using his vampire speed, he grabbed her fist before she pulled it away. She twisted it so that she was forced to wrap around til he had her arm pinned behind her back. She head-butted him. He stumbled back. She turned, then grabbed his shoulders and flipped over his back. Then, she dropped and kicked his feet out from under him.
He hit the floor, but soon got to his feet again. They started to circle each other again. Buffy kicked him in the chest twice, then did a round house to his head. He grabbed her foot just as it hit his head and pushed it up, flipping her over and making her fall to the ground. She spun on the floor and knocked him down, then got to her feet once more. He stood to face her.
"Who won?" asked Cordelia.
"I did," they both said at the same time.
"What do you think, Gunn?" asked Angel.
"Don't look at me," Gunn said, putting his hands up. "I ain't gettin' in the middle of it."
"I think it's a tie," said Cordelia.
Buffy and Angel gave her a look.
"Or not."
"How about a rematch?" asked Gunn.
"I think I've had enough fighting for one night," said Angel.
"What? You only had one fight. It lasted less than five minutes."
"I don't care."
"You're just afraid Buffy's going to kick your ass and you don't want to be embarrassed infront of Gunn," said Cordelia.
"Of course not. I just.."
"Don't worry about it, Angel. I won't hurt your manly ego," said Buffy. "I still need to train, though. Do you have a punching bag?"
"Yeah. It's in the basement. I'll show you."
"Okay."
He led her down the musty basement, where the only color was a few vases with plastic flowers in them.
She took stance in front of the punching bag and he stood behind it to hold it steady. Because of everything that had been going on, she had a lot of pent up engery in her that needed a release. She started to pummel the punching bag. She was letting the bag have it so bad, Angel was barley able to keep it steady.
"When's the last time you've beat something up?" he asked.
"Does getting my ass kicked by my best friend count?"
"Guess not."
"Then a really long time."
"I kinda got the impression."
She continued her assualt on the punching bag.
"Uh, not that it's any of my buisness, but what are you going to do when you get back?" Angel asked.
"You mean, what am I going to do about Spike," she stated matter-of- factly.
"Well, uh, yeah."
"Not sure yet."
"Are you going to talk to him?"
"Does my fist connecting with his jaw count as talking?"
"So, you're going to fight."
"I'm not sure."
He paused. She kept punching.
"So, what's this thing with Willow?" he asked.
"Her and Gile are going to England. She has to be trialed by a covon. Giles said they'll probably only strip her of her powers, but I think he's just saying that so she won't be too scared to go."
"So you think she's going to punished for her actions?"
"More or less."
"Oh."
"I just hope they don't do too much. She's not very stable right now. I don't need a mental patient. Been there, done that, didn't work out very well."
"Okay..huh?"
"I got enjected with this poison. Made me a little wacky. I thought I was a mental patient and almost killed my friends and sister. Didn't I tell you?"
"Obviously not."
"Oh, well. Now you know."
"Guess so."
"So, what are you going to do about Conner?"
"I'm not sure. We don't really have much to go on. I'll just have to wait for him to show up somewhere and make a scene."
"How long do you think that will take?"
"Hopfully, not too long."
"At least he's not a key. You don't have to protect him from a Hell god."
"That's true, and I'd like to keep it that way. If he goes and pisses off a Hell god, he can fend for himself."
"You don't mean that."
"I know, but it makes me feel better about the fact that he hates me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"Wanna bet? I have the emotional scars of being held in an ocean for two weeks to prove it."
"I would have rather been in an ocean that where I was."
They were silent. The only sound was Buffy punching and kicking the punching bag, which was starting to leak thanks to Buffy.
"Angel, can I ask you something?" she asked, stopping her assualt.
"Anything."
"What's with the flowers?"
An hour or so later, they emerged from the basement. Buffy was tired from her release on the punching bag. Gunn handed her a bottle of water, which she gulped down half of it in on drink.
"Gunn," said Angel. "Remind me to buy a new punching bag. I think it just met it's match."
"I wouldn't be surprised," he said. He watched Buffy guzzle down the rest of the water. "She doesn't have one of those slugs in her, does she?"
"Huh?" asked Buffy, taking a breath.
Angel looked up. "I hope not. The only way to get them out would be to make her drunk and I don't want to experiance what happens when you're around a drunk Slayer."
Buffy spoke up. "I never get drunk." Pause. "Except that one time with..."
Her sentence trailed.
"What?" asked Gunn.
Buffy gave a half smile. "I got drunk with Spike. I was feeling bad because I had just lost three different jobs in one day because of the Trio dorks and he gave me a few drinks and took me to a game of kitten poker."
"Kitten poker?"
"Kittens are considered demon currency," said Angel.
Gunn had a confused look on his face. "Not even going to ask."
Buffy headed towards the stairs. "I need to get ready. I want to head back to Sunnydale soon."
Angel nodded. She turned and headed towards her room.
Buffy walked into her room and locked the door behind her. She changed back into her normal clothes and put the others in her bag. She picked up stray clothes around the room and in her bathroom.
"You know, you're not a very good housekeeper," said someone behind Buffy.
She didn't even turn around. "You are starting to hang out more than you did the last time something bad happened and it's getting annoying."
"What? A guy can't just stop in to say hi?" Whistler asked, moving around so he could see Buffy.
"In your case, no. Now I see where Angel got that habit of showing up at just the right moments with bad news."
"I didn't come with bad news."
Buffy looked up. "That's a surprise. So, why are you here?"
"A message from the Powers. Ever since that Cordelia chick became a higher being, we can't use her visions. So I became the messenger boy."
"Aren't you anyway?"
"Well, yeah, but I'm making alot more stops than usual. It's tiring."
"I like it just as much as you do."
"I noticed."
Buffy zipped up her travel bag and pulled it onto her shoulder. "So, did you just come to talk, or do you have something important I need to know?"
Whistler put his hands together. "Don't let your anger get the better of you. Think of what you've been through, what he put you through, then think about what you put him through."
"Is this a pep talk for my confrontation with Spike sometime soon?"
"Not a pep talk. Just advice. You want someone who will love you forever, never leave, never forget. He has what it takes to be that person, but it will never come to be if you don't let him back in."
"And why would I do that after what he did to me?"
"Because that's who you are. You forgive your best friend for almost destroying the world, but you won't forgive him for a mistake that you partly drove him to make."
"Maybe because they're two totally different things. Willow's lover had just died and she was getting over a magic addiction."
"So she tries to destroy the world and all of the people she loves," he said eyebrow raised.
"She wasn't thinking. She was running on vengence and pain and hurt."
"And Spike was running on pain and hurt and love."
"You don't rape someone out of love."
"I guess I can't disagree with you there."
"Good. Then, we're done here." She started at the door.
"Honey, we've barley gotten started."
"Listen. My friends need me right now. I need to go."
"Your friends are fine. You just sit down and listen."
Buffy spun around to face him. "Maybe I don't want to listen."
Whistler gave a small chuckle. "That always was a problem. You never wanted to face the truth. Never wanted to listen to what other people had to say. Well, since I know I only have few minutes before you try and rip my head off, I'll just say it. He felt remorse for what he did."
"Well, he would. He's not that sick," said Buffy, unimpressed.
"No, you don't understand. He's a vampire. Vampires don't remorse or feel bad for their actions. That's what a soul's for."
"So, just because he felt sorry for trying to rape me, I should forgive him and get over it?"
"Not...to an extant."
Buffy put her hands on her hips. "You are running in circles. And you're right, I am about to rip you head off."
"I'm just saying. The fact that he did feel sorry after that, is something that should be taken into consideration. The Powers To Be know that you've had a hard and violent past."
"You don't know the half of it."
"Actually, I do. But, that's beside the point. They know what you've been through, and they know you need some kind of a break."
"They're damn right, I do. So why won't they give it to me?"
"They have."
"Spike? Spike is my break? Do you know how much harder he has made my life, just by living?"
"Not as much as you think."
"If I had just killed him when I first met him, I wouldn't have had to deal with all this. This pain and this tug at my heart that I feel because I won't forgive him! I hate it! I shouldn't even be considering forgiving him! I should have let Xander kill him! ........ The first time!"
"Yes, but what would you're life have been like without him?"
"A Hell of a lot easier."
"Maybe. I'm not going to give you a blast of what life might have been like, but it's something to ponder."
"Are you done?"
He cocked his head to the side. "I guess."
"Good. Then, I'm leaving." She turned towards the door.
"Don't forget to ponder," he added.
She turned back, confused, but he was gone.
"Why does he always have to do that?" she asked herself.
She came out of her room and closed it behind her and made her way down the hall.
She walked down the staircase to where everyone was standing.
"Buffy? You okay?" asked Cordy.
"Huh?" she asked, confused again.
"We heard yelling all the way down here. Something about Xander killing something."
"Oh, it was Whistler. If I see that guy again, he had better hope he's immortal, cause he's going to be missing a head."
She walked down the rest of the stairs and over to Angel. "Ready?"
"Yeah. Sure. Let's go."
"Bye Buffy," called everyone.
"Bye, guys. I'll see you later."
Buffy and Angel excited the hotel and got into Angel's convertible, which Gunn had retrevied from the beach.
Angel turned on the ignition and they drove off.
The first part on the drive was silent. Niether really knew what to say.
Then, Angel spoke up. "What were you and Whistler talking about?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, Spike."
"Why?"
"Obviuosly, there's a memento up there that I'm going to have a future talk with Spike, which I am. He told me not to lose my cool. That it's not all his fault, that I need a break and Spike is it."
"Spike's your break? How?"
"The Powers think that I could actually let him back in my life again."
"You mean, let him touch you again."
Buffy looked at her hands. "Yeah."
"Will you?"
She looked out the window. "I don't know what to do. Half of me says, forget it and move on, the other half says hold it against him til he forces me to stake him. Then, part of me says give him a second chance."
Angel said nothing.
Buffy continued. "And, I'm not sure which I should do. I mean, what he did should be unforgivable, but he didn't really go through with it and he felt bad afterwards, which he shouldn't have, because he's a vampire. But, it shouldn't matter. He hurt me. He almost violated my body." She winced at the way it sounded when she said it that way. "But, I gave Willow a second chance. I've given her a bunch of second chances. I forgave her for bringing me back from Heaven, for almost killing my sister, then, killing a human, and almost destroying the world. Those things were unforgivable, but I did." She turned to Angel. "So why can't I forgive him for his one mistake?"
He sighed. "I can't answer your questions Buffy, just because of the fact that I have completly different feelings towards Spike. If it were my choice, I would have killed him when I first heard he had tried to....The point is, it's not my choice. What I do think, is that you're too worried about what your friends will think if you forgive him."
She shrugged. "Maybe. Xander would have a fit. Dawn might not be as mad if I gave her my explanation I just gave you. I think she's mainly upset that he left without saying goodbye."
"That's understandable."
"As for Giles, if he is so bent on me making my own desicions and not relying on what he says and does, he'll support me either way, even if he disagrees. And Willow, she doesn't exactly have a choice. If she disagrees with my forgiving him, I can just give her a run-down on everything I've forgiven her for, but I don't think she would give me a hard time like Xander."
"So, besides Xander, your friends aren't holding you back."
"No. Still....It was rape. It's different. Isn't it?"
"If you mean is that worse than everything Will has done, as much as I don't like it, it's not as bad. But, rape is still a big thing, Buffy."
"I know it is. I'm just having this big argument in my head and it's should be plain black and white, but everything is bleeding together and have I told you how much I hate the color grey? I really hate the color grey. It gives me a headache."
"You don't have to talk about it. I'm with you no matter what, Buffy. Don't ever think I will like you any less because of something you do. People make mistakes. It's normal. Sometime people have to pay for their mistakes. Willow has to pay for her mistake by becoming powerless again and maybe worse. Spike has to pay for his mistake by, maybe, not being able to be trusted by you ever again."
"That's the thing. I feel like, if I do trust him again, he'll feel like he has power over me. That he can make more mistakes and I'll just forget and forgive."
"Then make sure he understands the first time that he made a mistake and what he did was unforgivable, but you will forgive him if he never does anything like it again. In my opinion, you shouldn't take him back immediatly. If you want to get across to him that what he did was wrong, taking him back as soon as you say it, is going to blur the message a little."
"That's what I'm thinking."
"But, either way it goes, it's your desicion."
She looked over at him. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Give your opinion on what I should do then say, 'but it's your desicion.'"
"That's because it is."
"I know, but I like other people's desicions. It makes things so much easier."
"If you rely on other people, you'll never learn to stand on your own two feet."
"You sound like Giles."
"I do not."
"Yes you do. That's what Giles said before he left."
"I don't sound like a watcher."
"Well you hang around one enough to pick up on something."
Angel was silent. Then, Buffy remebered what Wesley had done.
"Oh yeah," she said quietly. "I forgot. Wesley bad. You hate Wesley. Wesley should die the slow and painful death of hearing Cordelia talk his ear off about clothes and guys while playing pop and R&B music in the background. Oh, and don't forget to suffocate him with cookie dough."
Angel tried to surpress a smile, but the thought of seeing Wesley listen to Cordelia talk while eating cookie dough and listening to teen hits was cracking him up.
"A watcher's worst enemy," she stated. "I never let Giles watch Dawn anymore."
"I think it have more effect on Giles than Wesley. He's not as....watcher- y."
"Is that even a word?"
"Probably not, but you get what I'm saying."
"Yeah." Pause. "But you still hate Wesley's guts."
"Like there's no tomorrow."
About an hour later, Angel pulled up into Buffy's driveway.
"I guess I'll see you later," she said, grabbing her bag.
"You sure you don't want me to come with you when you..."
"I'm sure. I need to do this on my own."
He nodded.
She leaned over and gave him a quick hug.
"What happened to a goodbye kiss?" he asked.
"It went out the window when you got a new girl."
"You'll always be my girl."
"Maybe, but there will always be Cordelia. I don't mind sharing the rank of 'your girl' with Cordelia. Much."
"Someday I'll have to watch you with some other guy. I'll get over it. Unless it's Spike. I might never get over you being with Spike."
"Well, that's comforting. Now I really feel up to that big, important talk I need to have with him."
"Just remember. No mercy."
She pulled away and slapped his arm. Then, gave a smile. "Since when do I show mercy?"
"Not when you fight, that's for sure."
She smiled again, gave him another hug. "I'll see you later."
"Bye."
She grabbed her bag and climbed out of the car.
"In a few weeks?" she asked.
"Anytime you want."
She smiled, then turned to walk up to her door. She gave a wave before he pulled out of the driveway and down the street.
Buffy walked into the house, closing the door behind her.
"What's wrong?" asked Angel.
She ran a hand through her hair. "Willow is in trouble and....Spike's back."
She watched Angel grow tense, but turned his attention back to her. "Are you leaving?"
"I don't know. Giles said there's no reason to come back, but he and Willow are going to England and I don't trust Xander not to kill Spike without anyone there to stop him."
"Dawn."
"She had a fight with Spike. I don't think she's too worried about him right now."
"What about Anya?"
"She's not there. She took a vacation for the summer. I don't think she'll be back anytime soon."
"They could come here," Angel offered.
"Really?" she said hopfully. Then she put a resolve face on. "I mean, no. No. You have your problems here. You have to spend time with Cordelia and you have to find your son and I don't want to bring my troubles here."
"I don't mind. We don't have any leads to where Conner could be. Just Dawn and Xander wouldn't get in my way."
"What about Spike? I really, really, as much I as I don't want it, have to talk to him."
"About what?"
"Angel. Unless you have grown deaf or just have a bad memory, I think you know what."
"Oh."
"Yeah. So, I really do need to go. I can come back sometime. Maybe a few weeks. I just need to get my problems sorted out."
He nodded. "When are you leaving?"
"Giles said him and Willow are leaving for England tomorrow, so I can hang here for a few more hours, then I have to head back."
"I can drive you."
"Okay."
Cordelia spoke up. "So, are you two going to hang out, cause if you are, I'm going out."
"Where to?" asked Angel.
"I don't know. Just out. Probably just cruise around. I can't really go anywhere because of this glow thing."
"Well, there's not much me and Angel can do together," said Buffy.
"You can fight. I like to watch you fight." Cordelia turned to Angel. "Maybe you can win this time."
Buffy smirked at Angel over Cordelia's shoulder. "Yeah. Or, at least come close."
Buffy moved from behind the counter. "I need to change if we're going to sparr."
"Okay," said Angel.
Buffy ran up the stairs and fled to her room. When she came back out, she had her leather jeans and a tank top on. She pulled her hair back into a pony-tail.
Angel took of his jacket. He was wearing a muscle shirt under it.
They took fighting stance in the middle of the lobby.
"Hey, is there a fight?" said Gunn, coming down the stairs. "I wanna watch."
"Be my guest," said Buffy.
Gunn walked over to where Cordelia was sitting on the couch.
"Who do you think is going to win?" asked Cordelia.
"I think Buffy looks pretty small to fight someone like Angel. Then again, she's kicked his ass before. So, my bet's for Buffy."
"And as much as I want to say Angel, I have to agree with you."
Buffy and Angel started to circle each other.
Buffy threw the first punch, hitting him squarly in the jaw. His head snapped to the side. Using his vampire speed, he grabbed her fist before she pulled it away. She twisted it so that she was forced to wrap around til he had her arm pinned behind her back. She head-butted him. He stumbled back. She turned, then grabbed his shoulders and flipped over his back. Then, she dropped and kicked his feet out from under him.
He hit the floor, but soon got to his feet again. They started to circle each other again. Buffy kicked him in the chest twice, then did a round house to his head. He grabbed her foot just as it hit his head and pushed it up, flipping her over and making her fall to the ground. She spun on the floor and knocked him down, then got to her feet once more. He stood to face her.
"Who won?" asked Cordelia.
"I did," they both said at the same time.
"What do you think, Gunn?" asked Angel.
"Don't look at me," Gunn said, putting his hands up. "I ain't gettin' in the middle of it."
"I think it's a tie," said Cordelia.
Buffy and Angel gave her a look.
"Or not."
"How about a rematch?" asked Gunn.
"I think I've had enough fighting for one night," said Angel.
"What? You only had one fight. It lasted less than five minutes."
"I don't care."
"You're just afraid Buffy's going to kick your ass and you don't want to be embarrassed infront of Gunn," said Cordelia.
"Of course not. I just.."
"Don't worry about it, Angel. I won't hurt your manly ego," said Buffy. "I still need to train, though. Do you have a punching bag?"
"Yeah. It's in the basement. I'll show you."
"Okay."
He led her down the musty basement, where the only color was a few vases with plastic flowers in them.
She took stance in front of the punching bag and he stood behind it to hold it steady. Because of everything that had been going on, she had a lot of pent up engery in her that needed a release. She started to pummel the punching bag. She was letting the bag have it so bad, Angel was barley able to keep it steady.
"When's the last time you've beat something up?" he asked.
"Does getting my ass kicked by my best friend count?"
"Guess not."
"Then a really long time."
"I kinda got the impression."
She continued her assualt on the punching bag.
"Uh, not that it's any of my buisness, but what are you going to do when you get back?" Angel asked.
"You mean, what am I going to do about Spike," she stated matter-of- factly.
"Well, uh, yeah."
"Not sure yet."
"Are you going to talk to him?"
"Does my fist connecting with his jaw count as talking?"
"So, you're going to fight."
"I'm not sure."
He paused. She kept punching.
"So, what's this thing with Willow?" he asked.
"Her and Gile are going to England. She has to be trialed by a covon. Giles said they'll probably only strip her of her powers, but I think he's just saying that so she won't be too scared to go."
"So you think she's going to punished for her actions?"
"More or less."
"Oh."
"I just hope they don't do too much. She's not very stable right now. I don't need a mental patient. Been there, done that, didn't work out very well."
"Okay..huh?"
"I got enjected with this poison. Made me a little wacky. I thought I was a mental patient and almost killed my friends and sister. Didn't I tell you?"
"Obviously not."
"Oh, well. Now you know."
"Guess so."
"So, what are you going to do about Conner?"
"I'm not sure. We don't really have much to go on. I'll just have to wait for him to show up somewhere and make a scene."
"How long do you think that will take?"
"Hopfully, not too long."
"At least he's not a key. You don't have to protect him from a Hell god."
"That's true, and I'd like to keep it that way. If he goes and pisses off a Hell god, he can fend for himself."
"You don't mean that."
"I know, but it makes me feel better about the fact that he hates me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"Wanna bet? I have the emotional scars of being held in an ocean for two weeks to prove it."
"I would have rather been in an ocean that where I was."
They were silent. The only sound was Buffy punching and kicking the punching bag, which was starting to leak thanks to Buffy.
"Angel, can I ask you something?" she asked, stopping her assualt.
"Anything."
"What's with the flowers?"
An hour or so later, they emerged from the basement. Buffy was tired from her release on the punching bag. Gunn handed her a bottle of water, which she gulped down half of it in on drink.
"Gunn," said Angel. "Remind me to buy a new punching bag. I think it just met it's match."
"I wouldn't be surprised," he said. He watched Buffy guzzle down the rest of the water. "She doesn't have one of those slugs in her, does she?"
"Huh?" asked Buffy, taking a breath.
Angel looked up. "I hope not. The only way to get them out would be to make her drunk and I don't want to experiance what happens when you're around a drunk Slayer."
Buffy spoke up. "I never get drunk." Pause. "Except that one time with..."
Her sentence trailed.
"What?" asked Gunn.
Buffy gave a half smile. "I got drunk with Spike. I was feeling bad because I had just lost three different jobs in one day because of the Trio dorks and he gave me a few drinks and took me to a game of kitten poker."
"Kitten poker?"
"Kittens are considered demon currency," said Angel.
Gunn had a confused look on his face. "Not even going to ask."
Buffy headed towards the stairs. "I need to get ready. I want to head back to Sunnydale soon."
Angel nodded. She turned and headed towards her room.
Buffy walked into her room and locked the door behind her. She changed back into her normal clothes and put the others in her bag. She picked up stray clothes around the room and in her bathroom.
"You know, you're not a very good housekeeper," said someone behind Buffy.
She didn't even turn around. "You are starting to hang out more than you did the last time something bad happened and it's getting annoying."
"What? A guy can't just stop in to say hi?" Whistler asked, moving around so he could see Buffy.
"In your case, no. Now I see where Angel got that habit of showing up at just the right moments with bad news."
"I didn't come with bad news."
Buffy looked up. "That's a surprise. So, why are you here?"
"A message from the Powers. Ever since that Cordelia chick became a higher being, we can't use her visions. So I became the messenger boy."
"Aren't you anyway?"
"Well, yeah, but I'm making alot more stops than usual. It's tiring."
"I like it just as much as you do."
"I noticed."
Buffy zipped up her travel bag and pulled it onto her shoulder. "So, did you just come to talk, or do you have something important I need to know?"
Whistler put his hands together. "Don't let your anger get the better of you. Think of what you've been through, what he put you through, then think about what you put him through."
"Is this a pep talk for my confrontation with Spike sometime soon?"
"Not a pep talk. Just advice. You want someone who will love you forever, never leave, never forget. He has what it takes to be that person, but it will never come to be if you don't let him back in."
"And why would I do that after what he did to me?"
"Because that's who you are. You forgive your best friend for almost destroying the world, but you won't forgive him for a mistake that you partly drove him to make."
"Maybe because they're two totally different things. Willow's lover had just died and she was getting over a magic addiction."
"So she tries to destroy the world and all of the people she loves," he said eyebrow raised.
"She wasn't thinking. She was running on vengence and pain and hurt."
"And Spike was running on pain and hurt and love."
"You don't rape someone out of love."
"I guess I can't disagree with you there."
"Good. Then, we're done here." She started at the door.
"Honey, we've barley gotten started."
"Listen. My friends need me right now. I need to go."
"Your friends are fine. You just sit down and listen."
Buffy spun around to face him. "Maybe I don't want to listen."
Whistler gave a small chuckle. "That always was a problem. You never wanted to face the truth. Never wanted to listen to what other people had to say. Well, since I know I only have few minutes before you try and rip my head off, I'll just say it. He felt remorse for what he did."
"Well, he would. He's not that sick," said Buffy, unimpressed.
"No, you don't understand. He's a vampire. Vampires don't remorse or feel bad for their actions. That's what a soul's for."
"So, just because he felt sorry for trying to rape me, I should forgive him and get over it?"
"Not...to an extant."
Buffy put her hands on her hips. "You are running in circles. And you're right, I am about to rip you head off."
"I'm just saying. The fact that he did feel sorry after that, is something that should be taken into consideration. The Powers To Be know that you've had a hard and violent past."
"You don't know the half of it."
"Actually, I do. But, that's beside the point. They know what you've been through, and they know you need some kind of a break."
"They're damn right, I do. So why won't they give it to me?"
"They have."
"Spike? Spike is my break? Do you know how much harder he has made my life, just by living?"
"Not as much as you think."
"If I had just killed him when I first met him, I wouldn't have had to deal with all this. This pain and this tug at my heart that I feel because I won't forgive him! I hate it! I shouldn't even be considering forgiving him! I should have let Xander kill him! ........ The first time!"
"Yes, but what would you're life have been like without him?"
"A Hell of a lot easier."
"Maybe. I'm not going to give you a blast of what life might have been like, but it's something to ponder."
"Are you done?"
He cocked his head to the side. "I guess."
"Good. Then, I'm leaving." She turned towards the door.
"Don't forget to ponder," he added.
She turned back, confused, but he was gone.
"Why does he always have to do that?" she asked herself.
She came out of her room and closed it behind her and made her way down the hall.
She walked down the staircase to where everyone was standing.
"Buffy? You okay?" asked Cordy.
"Huh?" she asked, confused again.
"We heard yelling all the way down here. Something about Xander killing something."
"Oh, it was Whistler. If I see that guy again, he had better hope he's immortal, cause he's going to be missing a head."
She walked down the rest of the stairs and over to Angel. "Ready?"
"Yeah. Sure. Let's go."
"Bye Buffy," called everyone.
"Bye, guys. I'll see you later."
Buffy and Angel excited the hotel and got into Angel's convertible, which Gunn had retrevied from the beach.
Angel turned on the ignition and they drove off.
The first part on the drive was silent. Niether really knew what to say.
Then, Angel spoke up. "What were you and Whistler talking about?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, Spike."
"Why?"
"Obviuosly, there's a memento up there that I'm going to have a future talk with Spike, which I am. He told me not to lose my cool. That it's not all his fault, that I need a break and Spike is it."
"Spike's your break? How?"
"The Powers think that I could actually let him back in my life again."
"You mean, let him touch you again."
Buffy looked at her hands. "Yeah."
"Will you?"
She looked out the window. "I don't know what to do. Half of me says, forget it and move on, the other half says hold it against him til he forces me to stake him. Then, part of me says give him a second chance."
Angel said nothing.
Buffy continued. "And, I'm not sure which I should do. I mean, what he did should be unforgivable, but he didn't really go through with it and he felt bad afterwards, which he shouldn't have, because he's a vampire. But, it shouldn't matter. He hurt me. He almost violated my body." She winced at the way it sounded when she said it that way. "But, I gave Willow a second chance. I've given her a bunch of second chances. I forgave her for bringing me back from Heaven, for almost killing my sister, then, killing a human, and almost destroying the world. Those things were unforgivable, but I did." She turned to Angel. "So why can't I forgive him for his one mistake?"
He sighed. "I can't answer your questions Buffy, just because of the fact that I have completly different feelings towards Spike. If it were my choice, I would have killed him when I first heard he had tried to....The point is, it's not my choice. What I do think, is that you're too worried about what your friends will think if you forgive him."
She shrugged. "Maybe. Xander would have a fit. Dawn might not be as mad if I gave her my explanation I just gave you. I think she's mainly upset that he left without saying goodbye."
"That's understandable."
"As for Giles, if he is so bent on me making my own desicions and not relying on what he says and does, he'll support me either way, even if he disagrees. And Willow, she doesn't exactly have a choice. If she disagrees with my forgiving him, I can just give her a run-down on everything I've forgiven her for, but I don't think she would give me a hard time like Xander."
"So, besides Xander, your friends aren't holding you back."
"No. Still....It was rape. It's different. Isn't it?"
"If you mean is that worse than everything Will has done, as much as I don't like it, it's not as bad. But, rape is still a big thing, Buffy."
"I know it is. I'm just having this big argument in my head and it's should be plain black and white, but everything is bleeding together and have I told you how much I hate the color grey? I really hate the color grey. It gives me a headache."
"You don't have to talk about it. I'm with you no matter what, Buffy. Don't ever think I will like you any less because of something you do. People make mistakes. It's normal. Sometime people have to pay for their mistakes. Willow has to pay for her mistake by becoming powerless again and maybe worse. Spike has to pay for his mistake by, maybe, not being able to be trusted by you ever again."
"That's the thing. I feel like, if I do trust him again, he'll feel like he has power over me. That he can make more mistakes and I'll just forget and forgive."
"Then make sure he understands the first time that he made a mistake and what he did was unforgivable, but you will forgive him if he never does anything like it again. In my opinion, you shouldn't take him back immediatly. If you want to get across to him that what he did was wrong, taking him back as soon as you say it, is going to blur the message a little."
"That's what I'm thinking."
"But, either way it goes, it's your desicion."
She looked over at him. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Give your opinion on what I should do then say, 'but it's your desicion.'"
"That's because it is."
"I know, but I like other people's desicions. It makes things so much easier."
"If you rely on other people, you'll never learn to stand on your own two feet."
"You sound like Giles."
"I do not."
"Yes you do. That's what Giles said before he left."
"I don't sound like a watcher."
"Well you hang around one enough to pick up on something."
Angel was silent. Then, Buffy remebered what Wesley had done.
"Oh yeah," she said quietly. "I forgot. Wesley bad. You hate Wesley. Wesley should die the slow and painful death of hearing Cordelia talk his ear off about clothes and guys while playing pop and R&B music in the background. Oh, and don't forget to suffocate him with cookie dough."
Angel tried to surpress a smile, but the thought of seeing Wesley listen to Cordelia talk while eating cookie dough and listening to teen hits was cracking him up.
"A watcher's worst enemy," she stated. "I never let Giles watch Dawn anymore."
"I think it have more effect on Giles than Wesley. He's not as....watcher- y."
"Is that even a word?"
"Probably not, but you get what I'm saying."
"Yeah." Pause. "But you still hate Wesley's guts."
"Like there's no tomorrow."
About an hour later, Angel pulled up into Buffy's driveway.
"I guess I'll see you later," she said, grabbing her bag.
"You sure you don't want me to come with you when you..."
"I'm sure. I need to do this on my own."
He nodded.
She leaned over and gave him a quick hug.
"What happened to a goodbye kiss?" he asked.
"It went out the window when you got a new girl."
"You'll always be my girl."
"Maybe, but there will always be Cordelia. I don't mind sharing the rank of 'your girl' with Cordelia. Much."
"Someday I'll have to watch you with some other guy. I'll get over it. Unless it's Spike. I might never get over you being with Spike."
"Well, that's comforting. Now I really feel up to that big, important talk I need to have with him."
"Just remember. No mercy."
She pulled away and slapped his arm. Then, gave a smile. "Since when do I show mercy?"
"Not when you fight, that's for sure."
She smiled again, gave him another hug. "I'll see you later."
"Bye."
She grabbed her bag and climbed out of the car.
"In a few weeks?" she asked.
"Anytime you want."
She smiled, then turned to walk up to her door. She gave a wave before he pulled out of the driveway and down the street.
Buffy walked into the house, closing the door behind her.