The summer was over. Dawn was going back to school. The old highschool that Buffy had blown up was now open and running. I had had a complete make over. When Buffy had gone to meet Dawn's teachers, she didn't recognize the school at all. Dawn was starting her sophomore year at the new school. She had been to summer school in order to pass into 10th grade since she had been skipping classes. Dawn promised that she would not skip any classes this year.

Buffy also promised Dawn that she would set aside a day that she and Dawn could do something together. Just the two of them.

Willow was getting better. She had gone to the covon in England. No one knew what had happened while she was there. Giles hadn't been able to acompany here when she had been trialed, and Willow wouldn't tell anyone else what had been done to her.

Buffy had been patroling alone for the most part. It was lonely. Sometimes she would pass by Spike's crypt, but she could never bring herself to go inside. Sometimes she passed him as he left or returned from the crypt. They exchanged a few words then continued on. Sometimes he would watch her fight from a distance. Just incase she needed some assistance, but her fights never lasted long. The joy of the fight had slowly been lost, and now she just staked and moved on, never giving the dust a second glance.

He, himself, had been just as, if not more, lonely than her. She was surrounded by her friends everyday. He was alone. Dawn never visited his crypt anymore. Clem, his only demon friend, had moved on to another town. Ever since Willow's magical outburst, many demons coward away from Sunnydale, but there was still the regular demon activity. Spike sometime would walk around at night before or after Buffy did patrol and rough up some demon. It was the only was he could vent his engery.

He muched prefered Buffy kicking his ass across the floor, to being so lonely.

That night, Willow had gone with Buffy on patrol. Xander wasn't at home and Willow was lonely. She had no magic to protect her, but she could take care of herself.

"So, how have you been, Will?" Buffy asked.

Willow shrugged. "Okay, I guess. It's still hard. And very frustrating that I have to do everything the slow way."

"You'll get used to it. You lived that was for eighteen years, I think you can handle the rest of your life."

"It's just.....now I'm the helpless one. You've got your Slayer powers, Anya has her demon powers, Giles has his magic and books and stuff, even Dawn is stronger than me right now."

"Once you get your strength back, you'll feel better. And you're not helpless. Your the smartest person in the group.....Next to Giles."

"See," Willow cried, throwing her arms in the air. "I'm not even the smartest person."

Buffy sighed. "You're still very important."

"Yeah, in the destruction of the world."

"Stop saying that," Buffy demanded. "You're being too hard on yourself."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm not being hard enough," Willow admitted softly. "When Tara died, I went crazy. I almost killed all of my friends. She's probably so ashamed of me."

Buffy put an arm on Willow's shoulders, holding her close. "She loves you and always will love you. We know you miss her. We all do. You just have to accept what you did and forgive yourself, because you can't change what you did."

Willow looked up and smiled lightly. "Thanks."

Buffy pulled Willow into a hug. "Don't thank me. Just do it."

When they parted, they started walking again.

"So," Willow said, swinging her arms, "We've been talking about me this whole time. How have you been? Any talks with a certain bleached-blonde vampire?"

Buffy looked at her smudgly. "Not yet. I haven't seen him around very much since I came back from LA."

"Do you wanna see him?"

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't know. I mean, wouldn't mind seeing him every once in a while. I like talking to him. I'm just afriad he'll get the wrong idea. Or that I'll do something I'll regret later. I don't want to start this thing all over again." "What do you guys talk about?"

Buffy shrugged. "Stuff. My problems, usually. I don't have that many at the moment, though. I still wouldn't mind seeing him."

"Maybe you should. His crypt is just over there. I could go home, or come with. For moral support."

Buffy smiled. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't know what I'd say. I don't have anything to talk to him about."

"Maybe he wants to talk to you. Know how you're doing. Know how Dawn's doing. He hasn't been hanging around that much and doesn't know exactly everything that's been going on."

Buffy gave her a suspicous look. "Why are you so incouragable about be talking to him?"

Willow smiled. "Because I don't like my friends moping around. Last year was a real drag, especially for you, I know, but it seems like you weren't as .....dead, if you don't mind the term....when he was around."

"Things have changed, Will. Alot."

"Is it because of what he did?" she asked softly.

Buffy looked up at her, then looked at the space in front of her. "Partly. Not entirly, but that's a big part of it. I just don't know how to act around him anymore. I saw a part of him that I hadn't seen in a long time, and it scared me."

"Does he scare you?"

Buffy rubbed her own arm with her hand. "No. Not exactly. It's just so frustrating. I feel like I should be scared. That I shouldn't have forgiven him so easily. Like I shouldn't have kept Xander from killing him." She looked at Willow. "But I'm not. And I did. And he's still alive. And I'm so confused."

It was Willow's turn to comfort her friend.

"Don't worry," she assured. "It will all work out. It's not the end of the world."

"Not yet."

"Not ever. You'll work it all out."

"I hope so. It's just so lonely. I don't have another guy I can tell stuff. I mean, there's Xander and Giles, but they all have their own problems. I can't bombard them with mine."

"Why don't you try and get another boyfriend?"

"Last time I had a human boyfriend, he left because I was too strong. Because I was still in shock from my break-up with my previous boyfriend. We all know how that ended. Plus, I just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm betraying someone."

"You feel like your betraying Spike?" asked Willow, confused. "I thought you two were apart."

"We are. We were never really together, actually. It just doesn't feel right."

"Is it because he's still around?"

Buffy nodded vigerously. "I'm so used to the guy up and leaving after he breaks up with me. Since he's still here, since he's still a part of my life, it doesn't feel right."

"You don't want to hurt him," Willow said softly.

"But why?" she cried, throwing her arms in the air. "Why can't I stand to hurt him? He hurt me! But, for the life of me, I can't bring myself to kill him!"

"You still care about him. You could never kill someone you care about."

"I killed Angel," Buffy pointed out. "I killed him and it wasn't even his fault that I had to."

"That was because you had to."

"It just doesn't make any sense," Buffy shouted, her eyes brimming with tears. "Why do I feel this way?! After everything he's done, I can't stand to hate him! I don't love him! Why can't I hate him?! Why can't things be black and white for once? Why is everything so grey?" Buffy ended softly.

She collapsed in Willow's arms, crying. Willow lowered her to the ground, holding her best friend like a life saver. Buffy felt everything that had happened come to surface. Everything she and Spike had done together. Ever kiss. Every touch. Every pleasurable sensation that had filled her. Everything that had felt so right at the time, but now was so undeniablely wrong. Everything poured out of her in the tears that soaked Willow's shirt.

In the shadows, Spike had been listening to everything the two friends had said. He wished he could stake himself, just to make things easier on Buffy's part. But after what he had just heard, he didn't know if that would be the better thing to do. His heart broke at the sight of Buffy sobbing. Knowing that he was causing her pain made him feel horrible. But, knowing that she didn't hate him, made him happier than he had been in a while. It filled him with hope that even a friendship based relationship with the Slayer wasn't lost.

He gave one last glance before turning and leaving before Buffy had the chance to aknowledge him.

Willow waited until Buffy's cries had subsided before she moved.

"We should get home," Willow whispered, helping Buffy to her feet. "It's getting late."

Buffy nodded meekly. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and gave Willow a lopsided smile.

"Sorry about that," she said sheepishly. "It's like, once I get started, I can't stop until it's all out."

Willow put her arm around her friend's shoulder. "I know how you feel."

They both walked home in silence.

A week later....

The gang was gathered at the Magic Box. Buffy had fought a demon that had gotten away.

"It was way stronger than your usual demon," Buffy explained. "I could barely get the upper hand."

Anya had come back from her little vacation and was counting the money in the cash register. Spike was even there to offer his assistance. After major arguing with just about everyone there, Willow and Buffy convinced them that he could be useful.

"What exactly did it look like?" Giles asked.

Buffy shrugged. "Big. Slimy. It had this spine on his right palm. Kind of like the demon that made me mental girl, except it didn't contract in and out of his wirst. It's just...there."

Giles flipped through a few pages, searching out this new badie.

"Did he hurt you?" Spike asked quietly from across the room. He had been quiet this whole time.

Before Buffy could say anything, Xander cut her off.

"What do you care?" he sneered harshly. "You've hurt her before. Didn't seem so concerned then."

Spike didn't say anything. He just looked at the floor.

Buffy turned to Xander. "You are just full of hate today, huh? Can't stand the fact that others aren't feeling as down as you." With that she turned on her heel and walked towards the back and into the training room.

Spike looked like he was about to follow her, but Xander stood in his face.

"You stay away from her," he whispered venomously, then turning and following Buffy, the door slamming behind him.

The others turned to look at Spike, who just stared helplessly at the air in front of him.

In the training room, Buffy was starting to pummel the punching bag.

"Buffy, what just happened?" Xander asked. She came around to stand beside her.

"I don't know, you tell me," she said.

"You just defended him," Xander pointed out in confusion.

Buffy stopped and turned to him with an unbelieving look. "Yeah, I defended him because he was just being concerned and you were lashing out at him."

"Buffy, he shouldn't even be here. He shouldn't even be alive."

Buffy turned back to her punching bag. "He's not alive. He's the living dead. Don't you remember?"

Xander gave a frustrated sigh.

"You know what I mean," he replied agrily. "He shouldn't be around you or Dawn or anyone. You don't know what he'll do."

Buffy spun to face her friend. "I'll tell you something, Xander Harris. I can understand you saying I should stay away from him. Me and him have issues that still need working out. But he would never...ever...hurt Dawn. He treats her with nothing but respect and brotherly love. I trust him with her life."

Xander stood dumbfounded by her outburst.

"Buffy," he started softly, "I know he wouldn't hurt a hair on her head, but that wasn't the point I was trying to get across. He's a bad influence on her."

"God, Xander, if anyone's the bad influence, it's you! Lashing out at people who are just being kind. Yeah, I really want her around people like that. What happened between me and him is our problem. And no one elses. Not yours, not Dawn's, not anyone. If you have a problem with him, then stay away from him. Don't try and convince me that I should keep my sister away from him, too, just because *you* think it's the right thing to do. I'm her guardian. I choose who she get's to be around, and I say she can be around Spike anytime she wants!"

Buffy panted from lack of air as she finished.

Xander gave her a hard look. "You know what? You're right. You're absolutly right and I'm absolutly wrong, just like always. But when she grows up having sex with people because it makes her 'feel good', I'll the first one to say 'I told you so'."

Buffy punched him squarly in the jaw, not letting off her strength. Xander fell backwards and landed on his rear end.

Buffy noticed the tears that had gathered in her eyes and angrily wiped them away.

"Xander, I know you're trying to be a good friend here and protect me from things, but you're *not* making it any easier. I know there have been situations where I have been wrong and you right and I just didn't want to face the facts, but this is one time where your opinion doesn't matter. This is my life! Back off!"

She stormed agrily away. Her hand was on the doorknob when his voice stopped her.

"You're doing it again," he said faintly. "You're forgetting what he is. What he's done." He laughed solmnly. "I should have killed him the second we found out about his wild crush."

Buffy turned to face him, venom dripping on her every word. "I swear to God, Xander. If you hurt him, I will make you feel a world of pain. Just because you're doing it out of anger, than trying to 'protect' me."

She yanked open the door and stalked out.

The others had been listening to their conversation, hearing just about everything. And anything they didn't manage to hear, Spike did because of his keen vampire hearing. It was amazing that everywhere he went he found people talking about him, even though they were suppose to hate him so much.

Buffy grabbed her jacket and forcfully pulled it on, heading for the door.

"Buffy, we still must find this demon," Giles said.

"Use your damn books and find the damn demon yourself," she replied harshly before leaving the store.

Giles was taken aback by her response. She had never been disrespectful to him in that manner.

The others were shocked also. By what they had just heard from the training room, by what she had just said to Giles.

Everyone turned to Xander as he came from the training room, gripping his jaw where Buffy had hit him.

Then Dawn did something no one had expected. She walked up to Xander and smacked across the face. His head snapped to the side.

"Buffy's right," she whispered. "Stay outta our life. It's not yours to but into."

Then she turned and left the shop.

Later on that night, Willow came by the Summers residance to see how Dawn and Buffy were doing.

Dawn answered the door.

"Oh, hey, Will," she greeted, leaning on the doorway.

"Hey, Dawnie. How ya been?"

Dawn shrugged. "I've been okay. Buffy's been up in her room ever since we got back from the Magic Box."

"It *was* pretty intense back there."

"Yeah. I mean, I love Xander. He's one of my best friends, but he can be such an asshole."

"Hey, language. What would your sister say?" Willow teased.

"She probably wouldn't care. Spike would, though...." her sentence trailed.

Willow smiled. "Starting to have second thoughts on the whole 'hate Spike' scenario."

Dawn shugged again. "It's just confusing. I mean, Buffy really made me think. As much as I don't like it, it's still their problem. And from what I've heard, it's not much of a problem anymore. So, I don't see any reason to hate him if Buffy doesn't."

"That's good. Because, what Buffy said was true. He loves you with all his undead heart. I think it hurts him more that you don't like him than it does that Buffy doesn't."

"And he's like the big loving brother I never had. Then I start to think about my brother and my sister having sex and it gives me the wigguns."

Willow laughed.

"Um, is Buffy still up?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah." Dawn stepped to the side so Willow could enter the house. "She's in her room."

"Thanks."

Willow stomped up the stairs and turned down the hallway. She knocked lightly on Buffy's door.

"Come in," Buffy called from the inside.

Willow opened the door. "Hey, Buffy."

Buffy lifted her head off her pillow and looked at her friend. "Hey, Will."

Willow closed the door and walked over to the bed, taking a seat.

"Remember when I said I didn't have any problems?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah."

"I was wrong. I have major problems. All concerning Spike. A few concerning Xander trying to control my life."

"Xander has a few problems of his own."

"I just can't believe such a huge argument was started over Spike asking me if I was hurt."

"Then Xander had to open his big mouth."

Suddenly, Buffy's head jerked up. "Oh, god. What did Giles say after I left?"

Willow laughed. "He was a little dumbfounded by what you had said. But, I think everyone was paying more attention to Dawn smacking Xander."

"She smacked Xander!? She didn't tell me that."

"Well, I think he deserved it."

Buffy groaned and laid her head back on the pillow. "My life is so complicated."

"I wonder how Spike feels right now," pondered Willow.

"Oh, don't even go there."

"I mean," she continued. "Xander was being all cruel and rude and Spike just acted like a child being scowled by his mother. Then you come in all defensive and stuff then you and Xander have this huge argument all about him. And just so you know, we heard everything you said back there. Or, at least Spike did. We didn't catch the normal talk, but we caught everything else."

"It was weird seeing him cowar from Xander like that. He didn't even defend himself. He just dropped the question."

"You know, for someone that everyone is suppose to hate so much, he sure does manage to get into alot of our conversations."

"He has a way of doing that."

"You know," Willow said slowly. "Maybe you should go talk to him. He was just being concerned."

"Yeah. I've been big on the talks lately. I guess this is one that I should get over with."

Willow rubbed Buffy's arm. "It would seem that way."

"Do you mind watching Dawn until I get back? I might do a quick patrol before I come back."

"Sure. Knock yourself out. I can spend the night if you want."

Buffy sat up and hugged Willow vigerously. "You're the absolute best friend ever."

"I know it."

Buffy pulled back. "Okay, now you sound full of yourself."

Willow laughed.

Buffy climbed off her bed. She changed into her usual Slayer attire of tight leather pants and low cut black halter tops. She pulled her hair back into a pony tail and grabbed her leather coat.

"I'll tell Dawn where you went," assured Willow.

Buffy hugged her again. "Thank you. I'll see you in a few hours."

Once she was outside of the house, she pulled on her coat when the cool breeze hit her skin. She headed towards his cemetary.

Spike was laying on the sarcophogus with his legs hanging over the side, reading a book that Giles had lent him, when Buffy knocked lightly on his door. He sat up, placing the book to the side.

"Come in," he called.

Buffy slowly opened the door and slipped in, closing the door behind her.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey."

She looked at him. He had his silk red shirt unbottoned halfway down, exposing part of his chest. She noticed he was wearing his gold chain around his neck. He rarly wore it, but she always thought he looked nice when he did. His hair was in its natural curly state. She liked it that way. The way it shaped his face and hung over his hair line.

They were both aware that she was staring at him. She looked at the ground, blushing.

He offered a smile, and she replied with a lopsided grin.

"So, is there a reason why you're here, luv?" he asked, folding his legs up under him.

"Just to talk."

"Well, uh, you can take a seat if you want."

She hesitated before walking over and taking a seat next to him on the sarcophogus, her feet hanging over the edge.

There was silence for a few seconds.

Spike ran a hand through his curly hair. "I, uh, wanted to ...thank you. For defending me."

Buffy sighed. "Xander was being an ass. You were just being concerned."

"Would you follow through with your threat? If he were to try and hurt me."

Buffy looked up into his eyes. "Probably. Unless you just really pissed him off and you were asking for it."

He laughed lightly. "I wouldn't do a stupid thing like that."

Buffy laid back on the hard stone, her arms somewhere above her head. "Do you know how screwed my life is?"

Spike looked back at her before laying back next to her, folding his hands behind his head. "I can't even imagine."

"I have all of this stuff coming out at me, and somehow you always manage to be a part of it," she said looking at him.

He smirked. "Don't mean to, pet. I can't help it if I seem to have some kind of effect on everyone I get near."

"Don't you know it. Xander acts like he has to be all protective. Then we all saw how that turned out. Dawn's torn between hating you and saying you're okay. Everytime you get near me everyone has to know why you're there and I can't be within fifteen feet of you. The only one who's not like that is Willow."

He nodded, remembering everything the red headed ex-wiccan had said a week ago when her and Buffy had been in the cemetary.

She looked over at him, watching his facial expressions. "You were there."

"What? I was not," he covered up pathetically, not wanting her to know he had been eaves dropping on their conversation.

"You weren't where?" she asked with a slight grin.

He relized the trap she had just thrown him in. "I..I mean...I wasn't where you think I was."

She giggled at his blubbering. "That's okay. At least you know that you have someone on your side."

He sighed. Relieved that she wasn't mad.

"Red was right, though. You were hit the hardest last year. Brought back from Heaven. Social services. Jobs. I'm sure I didn't make it any better."

She looked up at him. "You were one of the few things holding me together. You, Dawn. I mean, sure, it was confusing and disorienting, but it gave me this... confidence that I could get through the next moment, and the one after that."

He stared at her. He knew she had been through a lot of things that people shouldn't have to go through. He had blamed most of it on himself. He'd ran away after almost raping her. He had broken his promise to protect Dawn. He'd let her down. Now she was saying that he had been a big help.

"You know..." she started slowly. "I like this. This as in, me and you talking and laughing. Making conversation."

"Hasn't happened very often, has it, luv?"

She shook her head. "It did after I came back. Then you said you'd rather stay away from me than be just friends."

He looked up at the ceiling. "Well, I was being a stupid git. I enjoy your company. Especially now. Even though I don't deserve it."

She tilted her head. "Well, I'm not going to disagree with that." She looked up at him. "But I enjoy your company, too."

He grinned at her.

They sat like this for a few minutes longer.

"Well, I need to get going," she said, sitting up. "I left Dawn with Willow and I need to get a quick patrol in before I head back to the house."

She jumped off the sarcophogus. He sat up.

"Uh, thanks for talking to me," she said, suddenly shy.

"My pleasure," he said sincerly with a smile.

She smiled back before turning to go.

"See you later," she called.

"G'bye, luv."

She walked out the crypt and closed the door behind her.

"That wasn't so bad," she told herself. "I think I actually enjoyed it."

She started into the cemetary. She was wondering around, her mind not really with her. She wasn't too far from Spike's crypt when she was jumped from behind.

Buffy landed on the ground with a grunt. She rolled over and jumped to her feet to face her attacker. It was the demon she had been telling Giles about. Its skin was slimy and sickly looking. The long spine at the end of its right palm was about four feet long. It had red glowing eyes.

The demon pounced at her. She moved to the side and clothes-lined him. The demon fell on its back. Buffy was about to shove a stake in its chest, but it caught her arm and twisted it so hard that she let out a piercing scream.

Spike had heard the scream and came out of his crypt to see what had happened.

Buffy fell back, holding her broken arm. The demon jumped to its feet. Buffy moved back on the ground. The demon stalked towards her. It struck out with the spine. She moved to the side just before the spine hit the air where she had just been. She kicked his arm and it spun to the side. Buffy got to her feet, gripping her throbbing arm. The demon came back to face her and back handed her across the face. She stumbled, but didn't fall. Buffy wound back her good arm and punched it, then kicked it in the stomach. The demon doubled over. She brought her foot up and her boot connected with its skull. It gripped its head in pain.

Buffy took the chance to move back. Then, from behind, Spike pulled the demon to the ground. The demon flipped over its back and came to its feet again.

"You okay, luv?" Spike asked, never taking his eyes from the demon.

"Yeah. But my arm isn't." She winced. "I think it's broken."

The demon charged at Spike, punching him squarly across the jaw. Then knocked him upside the head with the spine. Spike stumbled to the side. The demon punched him several times with its left fist. Spike managed to duck the last one, and as the demon's arm went over his head, he flipped it over his back. The demon kicked Spike in the shin, then in the stomach. Spike fell back and bumped into Buffy. They both fell to the ground, Spike almost in Buffy lap.

The demon had come to its feet while they had fallen.

Before either could react, the demon thrusted the spine into Spike and Buffy's stomach. Both screamed bloody murder as a blinding white light overtook them.