by Queen of Sarab
Disclaimer: Oops, forgot one of these last time... um, Smallville and everything affliated with it do not (unfortunately) belong to me...
AN: Yea! Thank you for all the feedback on Chapter One...
I really appreciate all of your
comments. Of course, feedback on this chapter would also be adored...
so don't forget to
review! Unfortunately, no Clex smoochies in this chapter... sigh.
I'll try to get some in ASAP... especially if you guys give me many reviews!
Dont make me beg... *grinning hopefully*
Chapter Two
Jonathan stood completely still for several
seconds- it seemed to Clark like days- and then, without a word, he turned
and walked out of the barn.
"Oh, my God," Clark breathed. "I am
so dead."
Lex, who had until this point remained
in his position on top of Clark, now rolled into a
sitting position next to him. His usually confident expression
was gone, replaced by a severely shocked look of utter horror. This was
something he had definitely not planned on- and, for once, he was at a
loss.
"Clark..." he began shakily, refusing
to allow himself to meet the terrified look in the younger man's eyes.
"I..."
"Maybe you should go," Clark said finally.
Lex nodded silently, slowly starting
towards the stairs. Before he headed down, he ventured one glance back
at the boy who had come to mean so much to him. Clark was still sitting
silently on the bed, shoulders hunched forward. As Lex watched, he dropped
his face into his large caulloused hands, dark hair tangling itself around
his fingers.
Hair that had, just a few minutes before,
been tangled around Lex's own fingers, Lex remembered, wincing sharply.
Hair he would love to have caught in his fingers again.
But that thought was useless, now. Lex's
chance had been blown by Jonathan's
interruption, and Lex knew it. Clark was too obedient, too damn
good, to do anything he
thought his parents might disapprove of. In fact, if Lex hadn't
kissed him, catching him up
in the emotion of the moment, Clark probably wouldn't have considered
doing what they'd
done tonight.
God, it was too much. Lex ran a hand
nervously over his smooth head, then turned and
went down the stairs. He couldn't bear looking at Clark anymore,
knowing he'd never again
be able to feel those lips against his.
A sudden resentment boiled up inside
of him at Jonathan Kent. If he hadn't walked in, if
he hadn't seen... Clark would still be in his arms. What the
hell was he doing in the barn at
three in the morning, anyway?
But it was no use building an anger
that was, honestly, undeserved, and Lex managed to keep his demeanor cool
and collected at he walked out to his car. He could see the shadowy figure
of Jonathan Kent on the porch. Watching to make sure I leave, Lex thought
grimly. Well, guess what? You got it.
Then he ducked into his car, and sped
off into the night.
Clark didn't move. He barely breathed.
His mind was still locked, unforgiving, on that moment- that terrible,
horrible moment- when he had seen his father standing there. The expression
on Jonathan Kent's face had been so totally shocked- so completely and
utterly fearful- and it loomed in Clark's frantic brain, a constant reminder
of his guilt.
But why should he feel guilty? A small
part of his brain nagged. What was so terribly wrong about something that
had seemed so wonderful? How could such an incredible revelation turn so
horribly bad in such a short amount of time?
Being with Lex hadn't seemed wrong.
But being with Lex and his father knowing... suddenly, the relationship
took on a whole new context. Clark could easily see it through his father's
eyes, and he knew how bad it looked.
This really wasn't going to help any
with his father's opinion of Lex, Clark thought
wryly.
Clark made a mental comparison. Pros-
he liked Lex. It felt right being with him,
pressed against him... it felt right having his lips against
Clark's own. God, it felt so
right...
But there were cons. Of course there
were. So, Clark thought. Cons- well, it was illegal,
for one thing. The age difference was so great... and then, of
course, there was the fact
that Lex was male. Clark had never thought that would be a direction
he would go in...
besides, he'd always thought he was in love with Lana. But lately...
his feelings for Lex had
been overwhelming. He could hardly be around the older man without
feeling like he was suddenly whole- like he had only been half a person
until he'd met Lex.
Of course, none of that bothered Clark
quite as much as his father's reaction. Jonathan would have been shocked
to see Clark making out with anyone- but the fact that it was Lex, an older
male that Jonathan didn't particularly like or trust, just amplified the
feeling about, oh, 200 times over.
"Clark?"
Clark bolted up at the sound of his
father's voice, aqua eyes wide. "Dad, I..." he began,
and then he stopped. He didn't honestly have any idea what to
say. What could he say?
After all, actions spoke louder than words- and Clark was fairly
sure his actions had been earsplitting.
Jonathan Kent sat down next to Clark
on the bed. "Clark," he began, eyes cast down, "You know that I love you.
And that I'd love to support you in everything you do..." Jonathan winced.
"Or feel. But the simple fact is, I don't think this is you."
Clark's brow knit in consternation.
"Not me?"
"No," Jonathan continued. "Obviously,
you've been going through alot lately- the
teenage years are hard enough without having to deal with the
powers you have on top of
everything. But... letting Lex take advantage of your confusion
isn't going to help anything."
Clark was seriously confused, now. Lex,
taking advantage of him? But Clark had wanted
this for months- he'd yearned for the merest touch from the young
billionare since he'd pulled him half-alive out of the water. His feelings
for Lex had grown as his feelings for Lana had diminished, truly transforming
into the desire for mere friendship with the girl he'd said was all he
wanted all along.
And now, just when he'd been truly happy,
when his craving for Lex had culminated into
true action, his father had stepped in and brought reality with
him, like a slap to the face. How could Clark ever really be with Lex?
Who would ever approve? Certainly not Clark's parents- and he loved them
too much to go against them. The question that hovered in his brain now,
though, was- did he love Lex as much?
But it didn't matter. Clark knew he
wouldn't go against his parents. But he also couldn't let his father think
this was all Lex's fault.
"Dad, Lex wasn't taking advantage of
me," he protested. "It was... mutual. There was no taking advantage of
anyone."
"Whatever you call it, Clark," Jonathan
shook his head. "You're a confused, hormone-driven teenager- and Lex is
much older than you." He paused, then laid his forehead on his hand with
a frustrated sigh. "Clark, what were you thinking?!"
Clark winced at the level of his father's
voice. He was practically yelling- if he got any
louder, it would probably wake up Clark's mother- and then where
would he be? He
certainly didn't want to deal with two angry and disappointed
parents at the same time.
"I wasn't thinking," Clark whispered.
"I was just... feeling."
But Jonathan hadn't even heard his son's
whispered confession. He was still centered on his frustration, running
an angry hand through his short hair. "I just don't understand, Clark.
Lex Luther? I mean, he's..." Jonathan hesitated.
"You can say it, Dad," Clark sighed.
"He's a guy. Yes, I do realize that. And I never
imagined myself in this situation, either. But I can't help how
I feel..."
There he trailed off. What could he
say that would convince his father to let him be
with Lex? It would have been hard enough with another man, anyway-
but adding to that
Jonathan Kent's natural hatred of the Luthers, Clark knew it
was a damn near impossible
situation.
"You can't know that you really feel
like that about Lex," Clark's father stopped. "You
haven't known him that long, and.... God, Clark, whatever happened
to your innocent crush on Lana Lang?" Jonathan let out a short, hurt laugh,
and Clark winced. "How do you go from the girl next door to..."
"Lex Luthor," Clark whispered wryly.
"Prince of darkness."
"Clark..."
"No, Dad," Clark shook his head. "Just...
I just need to be alone for awhile. Okay?"
Jonathan Kent nodded numbly, then stood."Think,
Clark," he pleaded. "Just think about
what you're doing."
"Trust me, Dad. I'm thinking."
His father sighed, then turned and walked
down the stairs.
Clark sat in silence for several seconds.
Then, feeling rather numb himself, he stood and walked over to his telescope.
He had found himself using it to look at Lana less and less- but now, he
put his eye to it. Maybe, for his parents, he could just... stop feeling
for Lex. Maybe he could go back to his innocent crush on Lana.
Of course, all he saw was Lana's empty
porch- it was three in the morning, after all- but he could easily remember
all the times that, through the telescope, he had seen Lana sitting on
her porch swing, laughing and joking with Whitney, dark hair swinging lightly
around her pretty face.
But Clark felt no familiar surge of
jealousy at the memory. In fact, he hadn't in months. Slowly, he stepped
away from the telescope, and stared vacantly out into the night. He didn't
love Lana. He'd had a puppy-dog crush, no more. And now, all he could think
about was how completely right Lex's lips had felt, pressed in open demand
against his own.
No, he didn't love Lana. He loved Lex
Luther.
But now, Clark knew he could never have
him.