Out of the Coat Closet

By Queen of Sarab

AN: Sorry (again) this chapter took so long I just got all wrapped up in end of school stuff. (Yea! No more High School! Wahoo! Ahem. Ok.) Anyway I really will, seriously this time, try to get the next chapter out faster please, please, PLEASE review! Thanks for reading!

Chapter Four

Lex watched with keen blue eyes as Clark's face twisted in indecision. So absolutely perfect, Lex thought, licking his lips to taste the boy once more. Beautiful- that thick, dark hair, sweetly innocent eyes, charming smile... but he looked just as good when he's upset.

He repeated his question softly. "Clark- Does it feel wrong?"

With a small sigh, Clark lowered his eyes, concentrating intently on his feet. He kicked nervously at an imagined piece of lint on the floor.

"Clark."

His head snapped up, blue eyes locking with Lex's for a brief moment before he spoke.

"No," he admitted softly. "It doesn't."

Feeling like crowing in triumph, Lex took a tentative, happy step back toward Clark. His lips- so used to his trademark smirk- twisted into genuine smile, and Clark broke into a grin in response. "You really mean it?" Lex practically chirped. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Lex, but..." the grin faded to a frown. "I'm- I'm afraid I'll hurt you."

A laugh bubbled up from Lex's throat. "That's one I haven't heard before."

"I'm serious, Lex!" Clark cried out, frustrated. "I- I can't tell you exactly, but there are things you don't know about me..."

"Right," Lex's trademark smirk was back. "Your big secret. But Clark, you know what? I don't care anymore. I wouldn't care if you were a fucking alien. I just don't. All I care about is you, and having you."

A hysterical giggle bubbled out of Clark's throat.

"What, pray tell, is so funny?" Lex arched one eyebrow in slight annoyance.

"N-no-nothing," Clark gasped, breathing deeply until he was calm. "I'm s-sorry. I'll be serious." At his friend's still questioning look, he continued. "I'm just a bit hysterical, I guess. It's It's been a rough day."

Lex laughed sharply. "For both of us," he agreed. "But it doesn't have to stay that way."

Expression growing serious very suddenly, Clark turned away. "No, Lex," he said. "It will stay that way. My parents would never approve. Not many people will. Every day we're together will be rough. But if we're not together- well" he trailed off momentarily. "Every day would be like today. The knowledge of what we don't have will."

"Drive us to distraction," Lex finished softly. "Quite the catch-22."

Clark nodded agreement, mouth twisting into a perturbed grimace. "It would be so hard," he whispered, eyes drifting to the floor uneasily.

"It's nothing compared to the other option," Lex decided aloud. "Living without you Clark, for the past several years I've been running blind. Moving through life without feeling and very little sense of purpose. The only time I was even alive was when I was at work, and that came only from an insane desire to outdo my father." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I've been half a person, Clark, if even that. An empty shell, numb to the normal emotions of a human being."

"When you pulled me from that water, it was like the beginning of a new life. I saw everything in a new light- and it was all because of you. And as the days went by, as I came in contact with you more and more, I began to slowly realize that without you, my life was nothing." A soft, wistful smile, extremely out of character for the young Luthor, played across his lips. "When you were around, I felt suddenly whole."

"Clark," Lex cast his gaze, unseeing, towards the wall. His voice broke slightly as he spoke, and Clark's head shot up in surprise. "I need you. I need you to complete me, and I need you to continue feeling like life is more than the vicious struggle for money and power. I need"

He stopped suddenly, then let out a tight, surprised laugh. "You see what you do to me?" a small smirk crossed his lips. "I've turned into one of the babbling, lovesick idiots I used to ridicule."

Clark didn't reply for several seconds, distress and indecision etched across every line of his face. Lex sat in desperate silence, his lips tilting more swiftly into a frown with every passing second.

"I don't know," Clark finally said softly, as if responding to a question only he could hear. "I just I don't know. I don't know if I can do this, or handle this, or" he shook his head suddenly, one large hand pressed to his forehead. "I need more time to think."

"Take as much as you need," Lex answered, icy eyes earnest. "I'm good at biding my time."

Clark nodded slightly, avoiding Lex's gaze deliberately- then he turned and hurried out of the Torch office.

He broke into super-speed as soon as he was out of sight. Where he was going, he wasn't quite sure- but he didn't want to stay home, and he couldn't bear to stay at school. So Clark just ran, letting the wind and his feet take him where they would.

When he finally stopped, dark hair tousled from the run, Clark knew immediately where he was.

The bridge. Where it had all began- where Lex had rammed into him with the car; where Clark had pulled the young heir out of the water. Where their friendship- leading into a deeper bond- had been forged.

Clark leaned on the railing along the side, staring moodily into the water below. The afternoon sun played along the tiny crests and waves of the water, glinting golden against its dark depths.

It's so beautiful, Clark mused. So serene.

So very unlike the day when he's pulled Lex's nearly lifeless form from its frigid depths.

Fate played odd games, he thought. If he hadn't pulled Lex out of the water well, he'd never have known Lex as he knew him now. Never have experienced the mixed joys and sorrows that went along with a relationship of any kind with the young Luthor.

But he had saved Lex- and now he was left with this torment eating away at his soul. Every natural and pure instinct in his body told him to go after Lex- to pursue the type of relationship Lex wanted. Never, in his entire time on Earth, had Clark felt such a deep connection with another human being. Every other crush or love he'd thought he had before these past few months paled in the brilliance of Lex's elegant beauty.

Yet, still, a part of him nagged at his conscience, telling him to distance himself from Lex as much and as quickly as possible. The voice of his distressed father rang over and over again through his head, telling him Lex was bad news- nothing but trouble.

But so what? his rebellious side argued valiantly. What does reputation, or even parental consent, for that matter, have to do with love?

Clark knew that, no matter what happened, his feelings for Lex wouldn't change. The only difference was whether he decided to act on them, or let them lie dormant and festering inside.

As Clark stood on the bridge pondering these problems, the sky overhead grew darker and darker. Soon it would be nightfall- so, reluctantly, Clark turned and began to very slowly trek back toward his home.