5. THE ATTACK
As soon as he had fully grasped the situation, Malfoy acted with cold precision.
Throwing a pinch of Floo powder into the fireplace, he frowned at Serene.
"Lets go!"
"Go where?" she stuttered.
"Kings Cross, stupid!"
"But you can't Floo to Kings Cross."
"I can. The Ministry opens the gate only for a small group of wizards and I am one of them. Won't do to have hundreds of us stumbling out of the fireplaces there every other minute, will it?"
A moment later she felt the familiar dizziness, and the draught as they magically raced through the Floo system, only to have Malfoy push her out of a fireplace not very gently. And then she stood right in a pleasantly decorated office, where a Muggle read the newspaper without paying them any attention.
"Head of Management," hissed Malfoy. "Won't see us if me move out of his office quickly." He frowned and threw one last gaze at the reading man. "By Salazar, shall I be glad once Voldemort reigns again and we get to take over public transport!"
They ran down a corridor and through a door which led straight into the station building.
Serene froze at the spot. The attack had already begun - and the Muggles were completely unaware of it, yet.
Every now and then a witch or wizard tried to get away from the hooded figures who passed through the crowd of passengers like dark reapers. Every now and then a Muggle started to cry without obvious reason. Small groups gathered in the hall, confused passengers who suddenly felt that the prospect of a long journey was just more than they could bear at the moment. That the prospect of living another day was more than they could bear ...
On a gallery high over the tracks stood Ben Olsen, arms crossed, watching his troops proceed like a commander in a war.
Serene turned to Malfoy. "The train. It has to be stopped!"
Without an answer he ran of in the direction of a class cabin on one end of the hall. She followed him, hoping he knew what to do. They could not help anybody in the hall right now, not until they got Ben to call back the Dementors. But they could stop the Express - or could they?
While Serene was still thinking about how to explain the Muggle station master, that he had to halt all trains immediately, Malfoy had already whipped out his wand.
He pointed it straight at the Muggle.
"Imperio!"
Serene paled. But Malfoy cast the Unforgivable Curse as if it was something he did everyday - which was probably just so, she realised.
With curt words he ordered the man to give the Hogwarts Express a halting signal.
"The other trains as well!" Serene demanded.
Malfoy raised a brow. "I don't think so." His mouth twitched. "It is too late, anyway."
"Stop. The. Trains." she yelled at him. Her hand shook when she raised her wand. "Don't make me do this, Malfoy!"
"Olsen would be so proud!" He gave her a scowl. "His little Death Eater-to- be doing her first Unforgiveable."
Serene let her hand drop. He was right, of course.
"Please," she whispered.
Both amused and annoyed by her sudden change of heart Malfoy ordered the station master to stop all the other trains as well.
"Are you content now?"
Serene felt the urge to spit at him, but instead she just turned and ran down the stairs that led into the hall.
Malfoy looked after her until she disappeared in the now increasingly anxious crowd. "Stupid witch," he said tiredly. "They are hungry. And they won't make a difference." For a moment he watched how the hooded predators singled out their prey. Interesting creatures, a detached part of his mind thought.
When he turned, he found Ben Olsen, and a wand aiming straight at his heart.
"Trying to sabotage my mission, Malfoy?" Ben's voice was hoarse with fury. "Stopping the trains?"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" snarled Lucius.
Ben smiled, a slow, almost serene smile. "Watch me."
* * *
* * *
The train was full with students, almost bursting with excitement about coming home for Christmas.
Remus had volunteered to be one of the two accompanying teachers, and sat in the first compartment with Professor Sprout. Sprout had read a thick volume about "Ferns - and why we love them" for the first two hours and had slept for the next, and Remus was thankful for the peace and quiet. Now, with the full moon ten days away, he was back to his calm and reasonable self - except for the wound Serene's sudden departure had left. He had spent the last six weekends searching for her, had once or twice even been able to trace her scent in one of the busy streets of London, only to lose it again in the crowd.
One thing was for sure: she avoided Diagon Alley and other wizarding places. Of course she'd get along quite fine in the Muggle world ...
He whipped out his notebook and began to check off streets he had already searched. Somehow he was sure she had not left England. She had mentioned her family in America only once or twice, and if they were still alive, Serene was apparently not close to them.
Hermione Granger returned from a chat with some girl in the corridor into the compartment.
Seeing Lupin's battered notebook, she opened her book-bag and searched a while until she found a small, well-used paperback. "I wanted to give you this," she said shyly. "It's a A-Z of London."
Remus sighed. "Thank you. I assume everybody knows about ...."
"About you and Professor Kennedy?" She rolled her eyes. "Of course we do!"
"No secrets in Hogwarts, eh?" He flicked through the book.
Hermione crossed her arms, righteously annoyed. "Oh, really, that was meant to be a secret? Then maybe you should not march into the Great Hall as if you were to eat Headmaster Dumbledore for breakfast and demand to know where "she" is!" Blushing she clasped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry. Sometimes my tongue is faster than my brain ..."
"Never mind." Remus smiled at her obvious embarrassment about scolding a teacher. "You are right, after all. " He got serious. "Do you think I am dangerous to the students, Miss Granger?"
She frowned. "You have ... changed," she said slowly. "But in the last two months you got better and better at controlling your ..."
"Beast," he finished her sentence.
"Power," she said, shaking her head.
Without warning the train came to a shrieking halt. In a knee-jerk-reaction Remus caught Sprout's suitcase that fell off the luggage rack.
Daisy Sprout woke up with a start. "What happened?"
Hermione pushed down the window. "I don't know. The train stopped."
Ron Weasely stuck his head into their compartment. "Professor Lupin, what is going on? We still got fifteen minutes to go, don't we?"
Remus raised a hand. "Tell everyone to go back into their compartment and let me find out. Probably it is just a technical problem."
Glad he was already in the first car, he climbed over trunks and cases until he reached the engine. The troll in the driver's cab stood in the open door and watched the tracks with a weary face.
"Damn Muggle trains," he muttered. "Break down every day now."
Remus cleared his throat, and the troll turned.
"Professor," he greeted. "No worry."
"Engine troubles, Frob?"
"No, Professor, our engines run on magic. They hardly ever give me any trouble. Got a signal from Kings Cross."
"Cow on the tracks?" Remus enquired smiling. "Where I grew up they once had a serious problem with Hippogriffs who refused to get off the tracks." He didn't add that it had been his mistake then not to lock the gate ...
"No." Frob scratched his mighty head. "Strange signal." He pointed at a red flashing globe on top of a mast by the tracks. "Says 'Stop-Immediately- Mortal-Danger.' I only hope they stopped the 5.01 from Cardiff as well."
Remus looked at his watch. "It's 4.38 now."
"If the Cardiff-train doesn't stop, we are done for," mused Frob cheerily.
Remus went back to his compartment, where Sprout was comforting a little girl who's cat had been hit by falling luggage.
"I'll Apparate to Kings Cross to find out what is going on," he announced softly. "Listen Daisy, this is important." He compared her watch to his. "If I am not back until ten minutes before five, I want you to evacuate the train."
Daisy Sprout snorted. "Evacuate the train?"
"Get them all out and as far away from the track as possible." He turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, you and the older students are to help the little ones, understood."
She nodded.
"Don't worry, it is probably just a schedule problem."
With that he Disapparated from the compartment and left Sprout and Hermione to deal with the situation.
"Into the field," muttered the Herbology teacher gloomily, looking out at the muddy plane on both side of the tracks. "And for once I did not bring my rubber boots ..."
* * *
All the noises, the desperate screams in the hall were suddenly muffled, as if the attack on the Kings Cross station happened outside a glass case Serene was caught in.
The Dementor did not walk. He glided. And he stank.
That was all she could think of. He stank of death and decay. And of desperation.
Serene backed off until she hit a solid wall and could not retreat any further. She knew the right spell. She'd learned it in Remus' class. Her hand froze in mid-motion when the Dementor touched her. Helplessly fascinated she stared at the hand that closed around her wrist. It felt alive and dead at the same time, cold and only half solid … The wand slipped out of her numb hand.
'Hope', she repeated the words Remus had used to teach them about the Patronus Charm. 'Hope, happiness, the desire to survive.'
A happy moment, oh Merlin, her memory was blank. 'Remus', she thought in desperation, but could only remember him sleeping on his bed of grass. So at ease with the world … And she'd left him … Caused so much pain …
As if she'd conjured him, Remus stood by her side all of a sudden, raising his wand and pointing it at the Dementor.
"The Patronus charm", he said calmly. "Do you remember it?"
"I can't …" she whispered frantically. "I can't think of a happy moment. And my wand. I … lost it."
Remus reached for her hand, the one that was still free of the Dementor's merciless grasp. He, too, was shaking. "Last year ago, at the Christmas feast. When you pulled the cracker with the fairy in it …"
A smile flickered in her eyes, and he knew they had to act fast now. At least he had no problems to find a happy moment in his memories. Just to know he had found her ...
"Expecto Patronus!"
A silvery white flash erupted from the tip of the wand, shiny, glowing in the dim light of the station hall.
Serene's knees buckled and she slowly slid down at the wall, until she kneeled on the floor. She didn't know what she had expected Remus' Patronus to look like. But what charged the Dementor now was a giant silver wolf. The creature of darkness retreated at once. Other Dementors turned their faceless hoods to the diversion and let go of their victims when the silver wolf attacked them relentlessly. In the middle of chaos and mindless despair a circle of peace cleared. And suddenly Patroni rose all over the hall, dragons and flying horses and even one giant bunny, and the Dementors found themselves repulsed to the station entrance.
Remus watched with great relief how the Patronus rose his head and howled in silent triumph.
When he turned, Serene was gone.
* * *
It was cold. It had never been so cold before, and the icy sloth that rained off the dark skies that late December afternoon, had nothing to do with it.
Serene locked the door with trembling hands. Her heartbeat raced, and she was hyperventilating so frantically she had to hold on to the door post. No lock or bolt would keep the Dementors out … Or Ben …
She felt cold, but not from the December air, rather from deep inside. Her wand … She needed her wand to cast a warding spell at the door and the small window … Desperately she searched in her pockets, her sleeves, but the wand was gone. She must have dropped it somewhere at the train station …
She undressed and let her robe fall to the floor without care and crawled into bed. When she closed her eyes, she still felt the cold breath of the Dementor in her face. She should not have run away. But then what good could it do to follow her instinct and throw herself into Remus' arms?
It would only cause them more pain.
"Remy …" Her voice was that of a little girl, and she pressed both hands over her mouth to not give in to her fear and sadness.
Then the tears came, but they brought no relief, only more pain. A cloak of darkness closed around her.
* * *
Severus was already waiting in front of Dumbledore's office, when the gliding stairs transported Sirius upwards. The Potions master glared at the new arrival with barely hidden shock.
"We really should check the warding spells," he muttered. "Don't tell me you are hiding in Hogwarts from both the Aurors and the Death Eaters."
"I can assure you that one of your nasty little Slytherins was up and running to write an owl to his daddy, as soon as he spotted me in the Hall."
"Well," drawled Snape, doing his best to appear unimpressed by the thought that the wizarding world's most wanted criminal stood next to him, "I guess you should get away fast then?"
"Never mind," sighed Sirius. "The boy forgot about my presence as soon as he turned away from me. And so will you," he added wearily. What had looked like such a delightful joke, had become a nuisance pretty fast. Talking to people who could not recall the last sentence in your conversation because they'd all forgotten about him, was not funny at all.
"I see." Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. "The Fidelius charm."
Sirius nodded sheepishly.
"Then I'll keep an eye on you, while you are here." He smirked. "You know that you could tell me your deepest darkest secret right now?"
"Because you'd forget about it."
"That's right."
Sirius looked at him with an unreadable expression, that slowly turned into a genuine smile. "Well, if that is the case … You are not such a bad guy after all, Snape. And when the war is over, you, Remus and I should go and have a Butterbeer or two at the Three Broomsticks."
Snape snorted. "To hear that from your mouth is …. touching."
"I mean it."
"So do I." The Potions master knocked again, and again got no answer.
"I wonder why he keeps us waiting." Sirius frowned. "It is not like him at all."
"He's in the attic," howled Peeves. "In the attic with the other old bats!
Snape narrowed his eyes and glared at the obnoxious poltergeist. "If I had anything to say ..," he threatened.
Peeves blew a loud raspberry and vanished through the walls out of their sight.
"I haven't been in the attic for years," said Sirius casually. "Maybe we should go and see what Dumbledore is doing there."
"You shouldn't have been in the attic at all." Severus' mouth twitched. "But then you never cared much about rules, did you?"
Sirius shrugged. "Sometimes the rules just want to be broken."
"Not in this case."
"Oh come on, Snape! You were a Death Eater! Don't tell me you guys ever gave a damn about rules!"
Snape sneered. "As far as I remember you and I bear the same Mark." His words made Sirius instinctively reach for the black tattoo on his arm. "But of course you never experienced what Voldemort keeps in store for those who break his rules."
Sirius nodded in silence. He had heard one of the Death Eaters scream in agony, and could imagine how the Cruciatus Curse felt like, after the Mark had been burned into his skin. When Severus tapped him on the head, he looked up in surprise.
"So are you coming or shall we spend the next hour fussing about rules?"
When they entered the attic, they found Dumbledore by the largest Pensieve either Sirius or Severus had ever seen. It was a stone basin, large enough to serve as a bath tub for a Quidditch team, and was filled to the rim with silvery cloudy matter.
The Headmaster had taken off his hat and stood on a small footstool so he could reach into the Pensieve. When Snape made their presence known with a polite cough, the old wizard barely turned his head.
"I forgot something," he muttered and stirred the pensive with his wand. "But I can't remember what."
Severus exchanged a worried glance with Sirius. Lately Dumbledore's behaviour had become more and more erratic. Several teachers had found him in his study, caught in heated discussions with the Sorting Hat. Once or twice he had disappeared for hours, and only by accident had Poppy spotted him in one of the framed paintings, where the Headmasters of old stood in groups and yelled soundlessly at each other.
And now this.
"Was it something you did? Or something you said?" ventured Sirius eventually.
Dumbledore let the wand sink. "Sirius! Where have you been all this time?"
Just when Sirius felt relieved that the charm seemed to work with really any wizard, the Headmaster winked at him, and he wasn't so sure anymore.
"Where is Remus Lupin?"
Sirius frowned. "Off to London. Believe me I tried to talk reason into this stubborn fool, but …"
"So did I. And Claire. And McGonagall," amended Severus.
"All you get is this sad smile," said Sirius.
"All I got was a snarl, and the promise to rip out my throat." Severus remembered his last talk to Remus only too vividly. Nobody, not even Remus could deny the power of the moon and the magic it evoked. And still he had refrained - if only by the skin of his teeth - to transform in the potions lab, after they had gone through the old Herbology books again in search for an ingredient to replace the Wolfsbane. But after his hasty exit nobody had seen him for three days, only Hagrid had reported scared deer and annoyed centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. "By now I really wish he finds her and knocks her unconscious and brings her back to Hogwarts, thrown over his shoulder. Or whatever it is like, when a werewolf courts a woman …"
"Lets hope he comes back at all," sighed Sirius. "The last time I saw him in something that resembles his present state, was seventeen years ago."
Dumbledore stepped off the footstool and brushed dust and cobwebs off his hat. "And the reason then was?"
"A woman, of course." Sirius shook his head unhappily. "He is not one who shrugs off a broken heart so easily." He thought about it. "Or at least James always suspected Remus to have this ultra-secret love affair. I for my part thought he …"
"Was a spy and conspiring with Voldemort," finished Snape.
"How do you know?"
"Well, it is obvious, isn't it? He knows all of you so well. Then he disappears for almost a year. He shows up again, refuses to give any explanations and a few months later - boom! James and Lily dead, Peter dead - for what we knew then. And you in Azkaban. Either a very dramatic coincidence, or a cunning plan to get rid of the whole …" Severus chose his words carefully, "pack."
Dumbledore sat down and looked up at the two tall young wizards. "The two of you'd make a fine team. I always thought …" Suddenly his face lit up. "I think I remember. It wasn't something I did, it was something James said."
"James Potter?" asked Sirius confused.
"James Potter of Gryffindor," nodded Dumbledore beaming at them both. "If you'll excuse me, lads. Now that I know what I was looking for, I have no time to waste."
"Waste!" muttered Sirius, when they climbed down the age-ridden ladder from the attic. "I thought we'd discuss how to get a hand on those bone fragments Voldemort's needs for his resurrection ritual. Is that a waste of time?" Brushing off his robe, he fell back, only to step into an open classroom after a few meters.
"I guess he knows what he does," said Severus, but the doubt in his voice was hard to deny. "And we …" He paused, and shook his head wearily. Sleep deprivation …. He was talking to himself, again. But he still had a feeling as if he had not been alone just a moment ago.
* * *
Remus stood on the sidewalk of the shabby apartment building. This had to be the house, but to be sure he took out Serene's wand once more and placed it flat on his open palm. "Find your owner," he mumbled, and saw with relief how the wand instantly pointed at the door.
The elevator was out of order, but Remus did not trust Muggle inventions anyway. So he climbed six sets of stairs, reading the name sign at every door until he finally found the one without a name. This had to be Serene's. He felt the wand vibrate as if it longed to return to its owner.
He knocked, but nobody opened. Eyeing the lock, he tried to remember about Muggle doors. He and Sirius had shared a flat in the Muggle parts of London for a few months right after graduation. Would a simple Allohomora suffice?
The door across the hall opened a gap. An old woman with curlers in her thin hair peeked out and gave him a suspicious look. Obviously she did not approve of his robes. Sirius' jeans and leather jacket disguise would have served him will, Remus thought self-consciously, but right now he had other things to worry about.
"She's at home," the woman hissed. "I saw her come home yesterday."
"You wouldn't have a spare key, would you?" Remus asked politely.
The old woman cackled. "Your girlfriend is not the kind that hands out spare keys."
"She's not my …" He coughed and forced a smile onto his face. "You are right. My … girlfriend … is not that kind."
"You should get her flowers," the woman suggested. "Girls her age always fall for flowers. And apologies. My Archie had the nicest way to apologise …" her words drifted away with a fond memory.
"Apologies?" Remus stared at her.
"Well, she was crying, so I guess you better apologise." She gave him a wink before she shut the door. "Just in case."
Remus stood in the hall and felt his breath accelerate. Serene had been crying. There was no way he'd bother with keys now. If the neighbour watched him through the peep hole, he'd care for her later, he thought, and Apparated right into Serene's flat.
At first he didn't notice the heap of blankets on the bed. The flat was tiny, not more than one room, a small window and a few mismatched pieces of furniture. But somehow Serene had managed to make it almost bearable. A silk throw he remembered from her room in Hogwarts covered the only chair. She had bewitched the light bulb to make it look like a chandelier, and had pinned sketches of colourful robes to the walls.
Suddenly Remus heard a muffled sound and was by the bed within a heartbeat. Serene had rolled into a tight ball and pulled the cover over her head. When he gently pulled the blanket away, he saw that she was weeping. Her whole body shook with painful sobs.
In deep worry Remus touched her arm. That her weeping got only more desperate when she saw him, didn't make it any easier.
"Serene," he whispered. "What's wrong? What happened?"
She just shook her head.
"Please stop crying, ma Coeur," he begged softly. "I can't bear to see you like this."
„I simply can't stop," she sobbed. Her throat hurt, her head felt like a hot balloon from crying. There was only darkness. She was balancing on a thin rope and she knew she'd fall. It was only a question of time. And nobody would catch her. "I can't stop weeping."
Remus cradled her helplessly against his shoulder and stroked her convulsing shoulders.
That way they spent the night, Remus seated in a chair as close to the electric heater as possible, rocking Serene softly and listening to her sadness.
She refused to eat or drink, she refused to tell him what was wrong, and he grew more worried with every hour. Twice he Apparated with her to Diagon Alley, only to stand in the long queue in front of the emergency ward of St.Mungo's. The hospital could hardly manage to treat the worst cases in the wake of the attack at Kings Cross, although medi-wizards from all over Europe had been called to help.
On the paved square in front of Gringott's a large tent had been erected, where a medi-witch in white robes and a group of volunteers tried to tend to those victims who could still walk. After two hours of waiting it was Remus' turn. The medi-witch at the desk was McGonagall's age and the dark circles under her eyes showed that she had not slept since the tragedy at Kings Cross.
"I am Dr Willowbark," she said briskly and helped Remus to lower his burden onto the examination table. She knitted her brows when he described Serene's behaviour.
"Lux."
Whistling through her teeth she shone with the lightened end of her wand into the young witch's eyes.
"You should take her to the emergency ward," she decreed eventually and wrapped Serene in her blanket.
"I've been there," explained Remus tiredly. "They are full, and they say she is not high priority."
"I can only give you this." Dr Willowbark passed him a foil-wrapped slab of chocolate. "Are you sure this is just a reaction to the attack? Has she shown signs of severe sadness before?"
"I don't know," whispered Remus and lifted Serene gently off the table. "But I should. If anybody should know, it is me. I failed her."
Back in the tiny apartment, he pondered their options. They could not stay here. The grimy little window, looking out onto a concrete wall. The foldable bed with its cranking springs. Serene had managed to turn this miserable hole into a lovely refuge, but she would not recover here.
"Ma Coeur," he said softly and brushed the damp hair from her forehead. "Let me take you back to Hogwarts."
"No!" Serene began to tremble and tried to sit up in panic. "Not Hogwarts ... please, Remy, please don't."
Stroking her back soothingly, Remus sighed. He would not spend another night in that chair, unable to help her. He was her life-mate and he would take care that she'd get help. Once more he wrapped her in a blanket, and while Serene was way too dizzy and exhausted to comprehend what was going on, Remus Lupin Apparated them to the only safe place he knew besides Hogwarts.
Beeswax candles and applewood logs filled the air with their warm scent. Copper cauldrons and tried herbs hung from the old beams of the kitchen ceiling. Remus took a deep breath, cradled the bundle in his arms closer and gave the two people at the oaken table a lopsided grin.
"Mum, Papa ... I need your help."
As soon as he had fully grasped the situation, Malfoy acted with cold precision.
Throwing a pinch of Floo powder into the fireplace, he frowned at Serene.
"Lets go!"
"Go where?" she stuttered.
"Kings Cross, stupid!"
"But you can't Floo to Kings Cross."
"I can. The Ministry opens the gate only for a small group of wizards and I am one of them. Won't do to have hundreds of us stumbling out of the fireplaces there every other minute, will it?"
A moment later she felt the familiar dizziness, and the draught as they magically raced through the Floo system, only to have Malfoy push her out of a fireplace not very gently. And then she stood right in a pleasantly decorated office, where a Muggle read the newspaper without paying them any attention.
"Head of Management," hissed Malfoy. "Won't see us if me move out of his office quickly." He frowned and threw one last gaze at the reading man. "By Salazar, shall I be glad once Voldemort reigns again and we get to take over public transport!"
They ran down a corridor and through a door which led straight into the station building.
Serene froze at the spot. The attack had already begun - and the Muggles were completely unaware of it, yet.
Every now and then a witch or wizard tried to get away from the hooded figures who passed through the crowd of passengers like dark reapers. Every now and then a Muggle started to cry without obvious reason. Small groups gathered in the hall, confused passengers who suddenly felt that the prospect of a long journey was just more than they could bear at the moment. That the prospect of living another day was more than they could bear ...
On a gallery high over the tracks stood Ben Olsen, arms crossed, watching his troops proceed like a commander in a war.
Serene turned to Malfoy. "The train. It has to be stopped!"
Without an answer he ran of in the direction of a class cabin on one end of the hall. She followed him, hoping he knew what to do. They could not help anybody in the hall right now, not until they got Ben to call back the Dementors. But they could stop the Express - or could they?
While Serene was still thinking about how to explain the Muggle station master, that he had to halt all trains immediately, Malfoy had already whipped out his wand.
He pointed it straight at the Muggle.
"Imperio!"
Serene paled. But Malfoy cast the Unforgivable Curse as if it was something he did everyday - which was probably just so, she realised.
With curt words he ordered the man to give the Hogwarts Express a halting signal.
"The other trains as well!" Serene demanded.
Malfoy raised a brow. "I don't think so." His mouth twitched. "It is too late, anyway."
"Stop. The. Trains." she yelled at him. Her hand shook when she raised her wand. "Don't make me do this, Malfoy!"
"Olsen would be so proud!" He gave her a scowl. "His little Death Eater-to- be doing her first Unforgiveable."
Serene let her hand drop. He was right, of course.
"Please," she whispered.
Both amused and annoyed by her sudden change of heart Malfoy ordered the station master to stop all the other trains as well.
"Are you content now?"
Serene felt the urge to spit at him, but instead she just turned and ran down the stairs that led into the hall.
Malfoy looked after her until she disappeared in the now increasingly anxious crowd. "Stupid witch," he said tiredly. "They are hungry. And they won't make a difference." For a moment he watched how the hooded predators singled out their prey. Interesting creatures, a detached part of his mind thought.
When he turned, he found Ben Olsen, and a wand aiming straight at his heart.
"Trying to sabotage my mission, Malfoy?" Ben's voice was hoarse with fury. "Stopping the trains?"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" snarled Lucius.
Ben smiled, a slow, almost serene smile. "Watch me."
* * *
* * *
The train was full with students, almost bursting with excitement about coming home for Christmas.
Remus had volunteered to be one of the two accompanying teachers, and sat in the first compartment with Professor Sprout. Sprout had read a thick volume about "Ferns - and why we love them" for the first two hours and had slept for the next, and Remus was thankful for the peace and quiet. Now, with the full moon ten days away, he was back to his calm and reasonable self - except for the wound Serene's sudden departure had left. He had spent the last six weekends searching for her, had once or twice even been able to trace her scent in one of the busy streets of London, only to lose it again in the crowd.
One thing was for sure: she avoided Diagon Alley and other wizarding places. Of course she'd get along quite fine in the Muggle world ...
He whipped out his notebook and began to check off streets he had already searched. Somehow he was sure she had not left England. She had mentioned her family in America only once or twice, and if they were still alive, Serene was apparently not close to them.
Hermione Granger returned from a chat with some girl in the corridor into the compartment.
Seeing Lupin's battered notebook, she opened her book-bag and searched a while until she found a small, well-used paperback. "I wanted to give you this," she said shyly. "It's a A-Z of London."
Remus sighed. "Thank you. I assume everybody knows about ...."
"About you and Professor Kennedy?" She rolled her eyes. "Of course we do!"
"No secrets in Hogwarts, eh?" He flicked through the book.
Hermione crossed her arms, righteously annoyed. "Oh, really, that was meant to be a secret? Then maybe you should not march into the Great Hall as if you were to eat Headmaster Dumbledore for breakfast and demand to know where "she" is!" Blushing she clasped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry. Sometimes my tongue is faster than my brain ..."
"Never mind." Remus smiled at her obvious embarrassment about scolding a teacher. "You are right, after all. " He got serious. "Do you think I am dangerous to the students, Miss Granger?"
She frowned. "You have ... changed," she said slowly. "But in the last two months you got better and better at controlling your ..."
"Beast," he finished her sentence.
"Power," she said, shaking her head.
Without warning the train came to a shrieking halt. In a knee-jerk-reaction Remus caught Sprout's suitcase that fell off the luggage rack.
Daisy Sprout woke up with a start. "What happened?"
Hermione pushed down the window. "I don't know. The train stopped."
Ron Weasely stuck his head into their compartment. "Professor Lupin, what is going on? We still got fifteen minutes to go, don't we?"
Remus raised a hand. "Tell everyone to go back into their compartment and let me find out. Probably it is just a technical problem."
Glad he was already in the first car, he climbed over trunks and cases until he reached the engine. The troll in the driver's cab stood in the open door and watched the tracks with a weary face.
"Damn Muggle trains," he muttered. "Break down every day now."
Remus cleared his throat, and the troll turned.
"Professor," he greeted. "No worry."
"Engine troubles, Frob?"
"No, Professor, our engines run on magic. They hardly ever give me any trouble. Got a signal from Kings Cross."
"Cow on the tracks?" Remus enquired smiling. "Where I grew up they once had a serious problem with Hippogriffs who refused to get off the tracks." He didn't add that it had been his mistake then not to lock the gate ...
"No." Frob scratched his mighty head. "Strange signal." He pointed at a red flashing globe on top of a mast by the tracks. "Says 'Stop-Immediately- Mortal-Danger.' I only hope they stopped the 5.01 from Cardiff as well."
Remus looked at his watch. "It's 4.38 now."
"If the Cardiff-train doesn't stop, we are done for," mused Frob cheerily.
Remus went back to his compartment, where Sprout was comforting a little girl who's cat had been hit by falling luggage.
"I'll Apparate to Kings Cross to find out what is going on," he announced softly. "Listen Daisy, this is important." He compared her watch to his. "If I am not back until ten minutes before five, I want you to evacuate the train."
Daisy Sprout snorted. "Evacuate the train?"
"Get them all out and as far away from the track as possible." He turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, you and the older students are to help the little ones, understood."
She nodded.
"Don't worry, it is probably just a schedule problem."
With that he Disapparated from the compartment and left Sprout and Hermione to deal with the situation.
"Into the field," muttered the Herbology teacher gloomily, looking out at the muddy plane on both side of the tracks. "And for once I did not bring my rubber boots ..."
* * *
All the noises, the desperate screams in the hall were suddenly muffled, as if the attack on the Kings Cross station happened outside a glass case Serene was caught in.
The Dementor did not walk. He glided. And he stank.
That was all she could think of. He stank of death and decay. And of desperation.
Serene backed off until she hit a solid wall and could not retreat any further. She knew the right spell. She'd learned it in Remus' class. Her hand froze in mid-motion when the Dementor touched her. Helplessly fascinated she stared at the hand that closed around her wrist. It felt alive and dead at the same time, cold and only half solid … The wand slipped out of her numb hand.
'Hope', she repeated the words Remus had used to teach them about the Patronus Charm. 'Hope, happiness, the desire to survive.'
A happy moment, oh Merlin, her memory was blank. 'Remus', she thought in desperation, but could only remember him sleeping on his bed of grass. So at ease with the world … And she'd left him … Caused so much pain …
As if she'd conjured him, Remus stood by her side all of a sudden, raising his wand and pointing it at the Dementor.
"The Patronus charm", he said calmly. "Do you remember it?"
"I can't …" she whispered frantically. "I can't think of a happy moment. And my wand. I … lost it."
Remus reached for her hand, the one that was still free of the Dementor's merciless grasp. He, too, was shaking. "Last year ago, at the Christmas feast. When you pulled the cracker with the fairy in it …"
A smile flickered in her eyes, and he knew they had to act fast now. At least he had no problems to find a happy moment in his memories. Just to know he had found her ...
"Expecto Patronus!"
A silvery white flash erupted from the tip of the wand, shiny, glowing in the dim light of the station hall.
Serene's knees buckled and she slowly slid down at the wall, until she kneeled on the floor. She didn't know what she had expected Remus' Patronus to look like. But what charged the Dementor now was a giant silver wolf. The creature of darkness retreated at once. Other Dementors turned their faceless hoods to the diversion and let go of their victims when the silver wolf attacked them relentlessly. In the middle of chaos and mindless despair a circle of peace cleared. And suddenly Patroni rose all over the hall, dragons and flying horses and even one giant bunny, and the Dementors found themselves repulsed to the station entrance.
Remus watched with great relief how the Patronus rose his head and howled in silent triumph.
When he turned, Serene was gone.
* * *
It was cold. It had never been so cold before, and the icy sloth that rained off the dark skies that late December afternoon, had nothing to do with it.
Serene locked the door with trembling hands. Her heartbeat raced, and she was hyperventilating so frantically she had to hold on to the door post. No lock or bolt would keep the Dementors out … Or Ben …
She felt cold, but not from the December air, rather from deep inside. Her wand … She needed her wand to cast a warding spell at the door and the small window … Desperately she searched in her pockets, her sleeves, but the wand was gone. She must have dropped it somewhere at the train station …
She undressed and let her robe fall to the floor without care and crawled into bed. When she closed her eyes, she still felt the cold breath of the Dementor in her face. She should not have run away. But then what good could it do to follow her instinct and throw herself into Remus' arms?
It would only cause them more pain.
"Remy …" Her voice was that of a little girl, and she pressed both hands over her mouth to not give in to her fear and sadness.
Then the tears came, but they brought no relief, only more pain. A cloak of darkness closed around her.
* * *
Severus was already waiting in front of Dumbledore's office, when the gliding stairs transported Sirius upwards. The Potions master glared at the new arrival with barely hidden shock.
"We really should check the warding spells," he muttered. "Don't tell me you are hiding in Hogwarts from both the Aurors and the Death Eaters."
"I can assure you that one of your nasty little Slytherins was up and running to write an owl to his daddy, as soon as he spotted me in the Hall."
"Well," drawled Snape, doing his best to appear unimpressed by the thought that the wizarding world's most wanted criminal stood next to him, "I guess you should get away fast then?"
"Never mind," sighed Sirius. "The boy forgot about my presence as soon as he turned away from me. And so will you," he added wearily. What had looked like such a delightful joke, had become a nuisance pretty fast. Talking to people who could not recall the last sentence in your conversation because they'd all forgotten about him, was not funny at all.
"I see." Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. "The Fidelius charm."
Sirius nodded sheepishly.
"Then I'll keep an eye on you, while you are here." He smirked. "You know that you could tell me your deepest darkest secret right now?"
"Because you'd forget about it."
"That's right."
Sirius looked at him with an unreadable expression, that slowly turned into a genuine smile. "Well, if that is the case … You are not such a bad guy after all, Snape. And when the war is over, you, Remus and I should go and have a Butterbeer or two at the Three Broomsticks."
Snape snorted. "To hear that from your mouth is …. touching."
"I mean it."
"So do I." The Potions master knocked again, and again got no answer.
"I wonder why he keeps us waiting." Sirius frowned. "It is not like him at all."
"He's in the attic," howled Peeves. "In the attic with the other old bats!
Snape narrowed his eyes and glared at the obnoxious poltergeist. "If I had anything to say ..," he threatened.
Peeves blew a loud raspberry and vanished through the walls out of their sight.
"I haven't been in the attic for years," said Sirius casually. "Maybe we should go and see what Dumbledore is doing there."
"You shouldn't have been in the attic at all." Severus' mouth twitched. "But then you never cared much about rules, did you?"
Sirius shrugged. "Sometimes the rules just want to be broken."
"Not in this case."
"Oh come on, Snape! You were a Death Eater! Don't tell me you guys ever gave a damn about rules!"
Snape sneered. "As far as I remember you and I bear the same Mark." His words made Sirius instinctively reach for the black tattoo on his arm. "But of course you never experienced what Voldemort keeps in store for those who break his rules."
Sirius nodded in silence. He had heard one of the Death Eaters scream in agony, and could imagine how the Cruciatus Curse felt like, after the Mark had been burned into his skin. When Severus tapped him on the head, he looked up in surprise.
"So are you coming or shall we spend the next hour fussing about rules?"
When they entered the attic, they found Dumbledore by the largest Pensieve either Sirius or Severus had ever seen. It was a stone basin, large enough to serve as a bath tub for a Quidditch team, and was filled to the rim with silvery cloudy matter.
The Headmaster had taken off his hat and stood on a small footstool so he could reach into the Pensieve. When Snape made their presence known with a polite cough, the old wizard barely turned his head.
"I forgot something," he muttered and stirred the pensive with his wand. "But I can't remember what."
Severus exchanged a worried glance with Sirius. Lately Dumbledore's behaviour had become more and more erratic. Several teachers had found him in his study, caught in heated discussions with the Sorting Hat. Once or twice he had disappeared for hours, and only by accident had Poppy spotted him in one of the framed paintings, where the Headmasters of old stood in groups and yelled soundlessly at each other.
And now this.
"Was it something you did? Or something you said?" ventured Sirius eventually.
Dumbledore let the wand sink. "Sirius! Where have you been all this time?"
Just when Sirius felt relieved that the charm seemed to work with really any wizard, the Headmaster winked at him, and he wasn't so sure anymore.
"Where is Remus Lupin?"
Sirius frowned. "Off to London. Believe me I tried to talk reason into this stubborn fool, but …"
"So did I. And Claire. And McGonagall," amended Severus.
"All you get is this sad smile," said Sirius.
"All I got was a snarl, and the promise to rip out my throat." Severus remembered his last talk to Remus only too vividly. Nobody, not even Remus could deny the power of the moon and the magic it evoked. And still he had refrained - if only by the skin of his teeth - to transform in the potions lab, after they had gone through the old Herbology books again in search for an ingredient to replace the Wolfsbane. But after his hasty exit nobody had seen him for three days, only Hagrid had reported scared deer and annoyed centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. "By now I really wish he finds her and knocks her unconscious and brings her back to Hogwarts, thrown over his shoulder. Or whatever it is like, when a werewolf courts a woman …"
"Lets hope he comes back at all," sighed Sirius. "The last time I saw him in something that resembles his present state, was seventeen years ago."
Dumbledore stepped off the footstool and brushed dust and cobwebs off his hat. "And the reason then was?"
"A woman, of course." Sirius shook his head unhappily. "He is not one who shrugs off a broken heart so easily." He thought about it. "Or at least James always suspected Remus to have this ultra-secret love affair. I for my part thought he …"
"Was a spy and conspiring with Voldemort," finished Snape.
"How do you know?"
"Well, it is obvious, isn't it? He knows all of you so well. Then he disappears for almost a year. He shows up again, refuses to give any explanations and a few months later - boom! James and Lily dead, Peter dead - for what we knew then. And you in Azkaban. Either a very dramatic coincidence, or a cunning plan to get rid of the whole …" Severus chose his words carefully, "pack."
Dumbledore sat down and looked up at the two tall young wizards. "The two of you'd make a fine team. I always thought …" Suddenly his face lit up. "I think I remember. It wasn't something I did, it was something James said."
"James Potter?" asked Sirius confused.
"James Potter of Gryffindor," nodded Dumbledore beaming at them both. "If you'll excuse me, lads. Now that I know what I was looking for, I have no time to waste."
"Waste!" muttered Sirius, when they climbed down the age-ridden ladder from the attic. "I thought we'd discuss how to get a hand on those bone fragments Voldemort's needs for his resurrection ritual. Is that a waste of time?" Brushing off his robe, he fell back, only to step into an open classroom after a few meters.
"I guess he knows what he does," said Severus, but the doubt in his voice was hard to deny. "And we …" He paused, and shook his head wearily. Sleep deprivation …. He was talking to himself, again. But he still had a feeling as if he had not been alone just a moment ago.
* * *
Remus stood on the sidewalk of the shabby apartment building. This had to be the house, but to be sure he took out Serene's wand once more and placed it flat on his open palm. "Find your owner," he mumbled, and saw with relief how the wand instantly pointed at the door.
The elevator was out of order, but Remus did not trust Muggle inventions anyway. So he climbed six sets of stairs, reading the name sign at every door until he finally found the one without a name. This had to be Serene's. He felt the wand vibrate as if it longed to return to its owner.
He knocked, but nobody opened. Eyeing the lock, he tried to remember about Muggle doors. He and Sirius had shared a flat in the Muggle parts of London for a few months right after graduation. Would a simple Allohomora suffice?
The door across the hall opened a gap. An old woman with curlers in her thin hair peeked out and gave him a suspicious look. Obviously she did not approve of his robes. Sirius' jeans and leather jacket disguise would have served him will, Remus thought self-consciously, but right now he had other things to worry about.
"She's at home," the woman hissed. "I saw her come home yesterday."
"You wouldn't have a spare key, would you?" Remus asked politely.
The old woman cackled. "Your girlfriend is not the kind that hands out spare keys."
"She's not my …" He coughed and forced a smile onto his face. "You are right. My … girlfriend … is not that kind."
"You should get her flowers," the woman suggested. "Girls her age always fall for flowers. And apologies. My Archie had the nicest way to apologise …" her words drifted away with a fond memory.
"Apologies?" Remus stared at her.
"Well, she was crying, so I guess you better apologise." She gave him a wink before she shut the door. "Just in case."
Remus stood in the hall and felt his breath accelerate. Serene had been crying. There was no way he'd bother with keys now. If the neighbour watched him through the peep hole, he'd care for her later, he thought, and Apparated right into Serene's flat.
At first he didn't notice the heap of blankets on the bed. The flat was tiny, not more than one room, a small window and a few mismatched pieces of furniture. But somehow Serene had managed to make it almost bearable. A silk throw he remembered from her room in Hogwarts covered the only chair. She had bewitched the light bulb to make it look like a chandelier, and had pinned sketches of colourful robes to the walls.
Suddenly Remus heard a muffled sound and was by the bed within a heartbeat. Serene had rolled into a tight ball and pulled the cover over her head. When he gently pulled the blanket away, he saw that she was weeping. Her whole body shook with painful sobs.
In deep worry Remus touched her arm. That her weeping got only more desperate when she saw him, didn't make it any easier.
"Serene," he whispered. "What's wrong? What happened?"
She just shook her head.
"Please stop crying, ma Coeur," he begged softly. "I can't bear to see you like this."
„I simply can't stop," she sobbed. Her throat hurt, her head felt like a hot balloon from crying. There was only darkness. She was balancing on a thin rope and she knew she'd fall. It was only a question of time. And nobody would catch her. "I can't stop weeping."
Remus cradled her helplessly against his shoulder and stroked her convulsing shoulders.
That way they spent the night, Remus seated in a chair as close to the electric heater as possible, rocking Serene softly and listening to her sadness.
She refused to eat or drink, she refused to tell him what was wrong, and he grew more worried with every hour. Twice he Apparated with her to Diagon Alley, only to stand in the long queue in front of the emergency ward of St.Mungo's. The hospital could hardly manage to treat the worst cases in the wake of the attack at Kings Cross, although medi-wizards from all over Europe had been called to help.
On the paved square in front of Gringott's a large tent had been erected, where a medi-witch in white robes and a group of volunteers tried to tend to those victims who could still walk. After two hours of waiting it was Remus' turn. The medi-witch at the desk was McGonagall's age and the dark circles under her eyes showed that she had not slept since the tragedy at Kings Cross.
"I am Dr Willowbark," she said briskly and helped Remus to lower his burden onto the examination table. She knitted her brows when he described Serene's behaviour.
"Lux."
Whistling through her teeth she shone with the lightened end of her wand into the young witch's eyes.
"You should take her to the emergency ward," she decreed eventually and wrapped Serene in her blanket.
"I've been there," explained Remus tiredly. "They are full, and they say she is not high priority."
"I can only give you this." Dr Willowbark passed him a foil-wrapped slab of chocolate. "Are you sure this is just a reaction to the attack? Has she shown signs of severe sadness before?"
"I don't know," whispered Remus and lifted Serene gently off the table. "But I should. If anybody should know, it is me. I failed her."
Back in the tiny apartment, he pondered their options. They could not stay here. The grimy little window, looking out onto a concrete wall. The foldable bed with its cranking springs. Serene had managed to turn this miserable hole into a lovely refuge, but she would not recover here.
"Ma Coeur," he said softly and brushed the damp hair from her forehead. "Let me take you back to Hogwarts."
"No!" Serene began to tremble and tried to sit up in panic. "Not Hogwarts ... please, Remy, please don't."
Stroking her back soothingly, Remus sighed. He would not spend another night in that chair, unable to help her. He was her life-mate and he would take care that she'd get help. Once more he wrapped her in a blanket, and while Serene was way too dizzy and exhausted to comprehend what was going on, Remus Lupin Apparated them to the only safe place he knew besides Hogwarts.
Beeswax candles and applewood logs filled the air with their warm scent. Copper cauldrons and tried herbs hung from the old beams of the kitchen ceiling. Remus took a deep breath, cradled the bundle in his arms closer and gave the two people at the oaken table a lopsided grin.
"Mum, Papa ... I need your help."