Title: Shades of Twilight
Author: Celyia (cel@celyia.com)
Note: Thanks to those who have responded. :-) I cant tell you how much it helps to hear your thoughts... and know that someone is listening to mine. It was a hard decision to make, but I decided to make this a Van/Hitomi fic. Why? Well, for one, I love Van. :-) Secondly, if I'm going to make a Folken/Hitomi fic, I want it to be right from the start. So my apologies to those of you who wanted to see the pairing. I already have an idea floating in my head for a possible story, but only one at a time!
First person narrative isn't usually the most popular narrative form out there. Strangely enough, though, it's the one I like to use whenever I'm doing an emotional piece. I've never, though, tried before using it in a serial. This is pretty odd but I really like the way it's turning out. In its own, humble way, this one attempts to become one of my more mature pieces.
Cross your fingers and hope with me that maybe it will succeed. Thanks!
-Cel.
Chapter 3
There's nothing more annoying than throwing up in the morning right after you just changed into your last pair of clean work clothes.
I kneeled there, my head dangling over the porcelain seat as I felt the bile pulsate through my body, teasing my sore throat, as it demanded to be loosed.
I held onto the sides of the bowl, sweating as my small breakfast rumbled threateningly in my stomach.
Damn, I hated having the flu.
Most people get it for three days. Maybe five at most. But me? I had it for two weeks straight. I wasn't used to being sick. I didn't like being sick, and I must admit being an athlete for most of my life spoiled me. I liked the boosted immunities that athletics offered.
And now, as I leaned over the toilet with my hair all stringy from exertion, I missed that natural immunity big time.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I paused to consider what would be less offensive- showing up to work in casual clothes or showing up to work in clothes that reeked of vomit?
Dammit. I knew I should have done my laundry last night.
Unsteadily, I moved to the shower, barely bothering to throw off my clothes as I jumped under the steady stream of hot water. I'd be a little damp by the time I got to the office, but at least I wouldn't smell.
Well, as long as I could keep from throwing up again, anyway.
Quickly, I washed my hair, grumbling at the added effort it took to clean the hair that I allowed to grow to my shoulders over the past few years. At least I hadn't grown it out to my waist or something. I suspect that would take forever to wash and right then, I needed to be out of the house in less than 10 minutes if I didn't want to be late.
By the time I was somewhat dried off and dressed in clothes that were a bit too casual to wear to an accounting firm, a good fifteen minutes had passed.
"Hitomi Kanzaki?" a distinctly male voice called out as I jogged to the bus stop. One of these days, I really needed to buy a car. Ignoring the man, I continued.
"I don't wish to take up too much of your time, but your mother sent me this way, Kanzaki-san," he started, moving directly in front of me.
Yeah. This was all I needed.
"You've caught me at a bad time," I tried to keep my voice polite even as I pushed passed the muscular man. "I'm running late to work."
"It will only take a moment of your time, Kanzaki-san," he insisted. "I will even give you a ride if you are willing to discuss matters with me."
Was that a bribe?
He had about 2.2 seconds before he learned that was a very good way to piss me off.
"The bus is good enough, if you'll excuse me."
He grabbed my upper arm, his grip strong as an iron vise as he forced me to look at him.
"The car would be a lot more convenient," the man grumbled, his deep brown eyes flashing a sort of impatience I really didn't like. Pushy bastard. Just because he's cute he probably thinks he can get away with murder.
"Get your hands off of me," I demanded, staring at him even as I tightened my hand into a fist. If he thought... oh, hell, he so had another thing coming.
"I don't mean to offend," the man sighed, letting go of my arm. "But this is of utmost importance."
I didn't have time for this.
Rolling my eyes, I ran off, pleased at the ease of my escape from Mr. Demanding.
It wasn't until I got on the bus that it dawned on me that he knew my name.
* * *
"Are you okay, Kanzaki-san?" Snub-nose asked, her eyes narrowed with concern.
"Yeah, it's cool. Thanks for asking," I waved my hand, hoping the girl would get the hint. Determinedly, I turned down to my work.
Three months had passed since my birthday, but you'd never know it. Projects came and went, but otherwise, everything remained the same.
I didn't know whether to be comforted by that or terrified.
"You look really pale," Snub-nose persisted, leaning over my desk in a pushy manner. "You're a lot stronger than me, but two weeks of having the flu is just too much. You are gonna work yourself to death if you aren't careful."
If I was only so lucky.
Sighing, I looked up at the girl, it chaffing my ego to admit that the emotion in her eyes was concern and not just curiousity.
"Miyuta-san." Wow. I actually remembered Snub-nose's real name, "I'm okay. Really."
She looked at me in open disbelief. Shaking her head, she just walked away, undoubtedly giving me up for as a lost cause.
Truth was, I wasn't all that okay. I hadn't been ... not since that ... since my relapse. For three months I wondered when the next time I'd descend into insanity. For three months it haunted me, knowing that I'd never be cured. Knowing it was only a matter of time. I mean, I had to be so screwed up. After all, it wasn't even just a figment of my imagination that had paid me the late-night birthday visit- it was a dead figment of my imagination.
Doesn't that just beat all?
Work didn't come easily after that. I tried to lose myself in the nice safety of numbers, but it wouldn't come. All I could think about was the joy on the dead man's face.
And the intense, almost overpowering desire to see Van again. Even if he was just a figment of my imagination, I missed him.
"Kanzaki-san," my boss snapped, her pretty eyes impatient as she looked me over appraisingly. "You've come to work. Sick. Again. Can't you get it through your head the kind of trouble you cause when you do this?"
There was something scary about the woman when she was angry. Maybe it was because she was usually so nice and helpful. Or maybe it was just the way her eyes gleamed.
"I'm sorry, Ma'am."
The woman grunted as she pulled up a chair to sit next to me. Slender arms folded across my desk as her normally cheery face squinted into a glare.
"Don't be sorry. Call in sick. You are given two weeks of paid sick leave a year and I expect you to use it instead of exposing my employees with your contagions. Each worker you get sick because of your inability to admit to your weakness costs me money. You're an accountant. What happens when I lose money?"
I winced, unwilling to answer the question.
"Go on, Kanzaki. Tell me what happens when I lose money."
"You will eventually have to lay off employees."
Man, that's a guilt trip.
"That's right. I eventually will have to lay people off. Do you think I want to do that? No. I like my workers. I even like you, Kanzaki. Well, okay. I don't think I like you very much now since you are jeopardizing everyone's security with your thoughtlessness, but for the most part, I like you very much."
Somehow, it was hard to believe her with her lips twisted like that.
"Now you listen to me. You pick up that phone. Call a doctor. Make an appointment. For today. Then you pack up your things and go home. And don't you dare show your face here until you are nice and healthy. Understand?"
"Understood, Ma'am."
My boss just exhaled loudly, forcing the air out from between the gap in her front teeth as she watched me.
"Hitomi, you're a good girl," she sighed. "But you really got to get things together. I don't know what happened in your life to drain your entire will, but you got to get past it. Everyone has a sob story, Hitomi. Everyone. And the truth is, no one cares. Because, in the end, it doesn't matter how you were hurt, what matters is whether you triumph over it or if you allow it to triumph over you."
She stood suddenly, her face reddened, almost as if she were embarrassed by her speech.
I couldn't blame her. I was pretty damn embarrassed, too.
Wonder if she got that little gem off a fortune cookie.
Mreow. Retract those claws, Hitomi.
I stood there, packing up my things, intent on resigning from my job the second I came back. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to deal with Snub-nose's concern. I didn't want to deal with my boss.
Why couldn't I have just worked at a normal place that didn't give a damn about those people they employed?
"This is Hitomi Kanzaki," I muttered into the phone. "I'm feeling kind of ill and was wondering if it was possible to ... oh, wonderful. Um. Today? Right now? It will take me at least 20 minutes to get there, though. Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you in 20. Thanks for everything..."
Great. That was exactly what I needed. Sighing as I threw everything into my briefcase, I spared a look for no one as I slowly walked towards the door.
With a grunt, I hurried out of the building and made my way to the doctor's office.
* * *
The receptionist reminded me of Mama, with her big eyes and caring smile. The last person I wanted to think about was Mama, though.
She'd be so disappointed in me if she knew.
I flipped through the magazine, hoping that they'd call me quickly. I didn't want to be there and the sooner they gave me a flu shot, the happier I'd be.
"Kanzaki-san?" a nurse peeked out of the door, gleaming in her bright white uniform and matching smile, almost like bleached sunshine.
"That's me," I said, standing up with a little difficulty. Man. When did I start feeling so weak?
She spoke happily, her words a comforting blur, as she led me to the small office where I would wait for the doctor. Perhaps coming to the doctor wasn't such a bad idea after all I mean, I was so sick and tired of being, well, sick and tired.
"The doctor will be in to see you in a few moments," the nurse said happily as she rolled up my sleeve.
Man, I tried to keep from wincing as the cuff tightened around my arm.
"Well, your blood pressure is fine," the nurse hummed softly as she brought out a disposable thermometer. "Open your mouth for me, please."
"Temperature is only slightly higher than normal. And you say you have the flu?"
"For two weeks now."
I knew I shouldn't have come in.
"When was the last time you had a check-up?"
I couldn't even remember.
"Two years ago, I think," I lied. She didn't even notice.
"It's short notice, but I'll need a urine sample, then."
A trip to the restroom and a couple minutes later, I handed the small container back to Nurse Sunshine.
"Okay, just relax, Kanzaki-san. The doctor will be with you soon."
I watched her leave, the container of liquid in her gloved hand as she went merrily on her way. I guess I hadn't expected to see someone who enjoyed her job so much. It was almost sad.
I mean, I like the office and I like my coworkers, but I really didn't live for being an accountant.
But Sunshine seemed to live for being a nurse, urine samples and all.
In a sad sort of way, that's an easy thing to be envious of.
"So, Kanzaki-san..."
The voice startled me.
"Yes, Doctor?" I asked, my voice suitably humble as the tall, skinny man with the balding head entered the room.
"So I hear you have been feeling under the weather?" he asked, almost sounding as cheery as Nurse Sunshine. Great.
"Yes, sir."
"For two weeks?"
"Yes, sir."
"Hmm. So why do you think you have the flu? You don't have a fever and your blood pressure is normal."
He chuckled as he noticed my frown.
"No, I don't think you are a hypochondriac, Kanzaki-san. I just want to hear your symptoms."
"Well, I've been feeling a bit weak lately. And I've been throwing up practically every morning."
"Hmm. Well, that is a worry. Two weeks, you say? Your throat must be pretty sore. Your esophagus really isn't made for that much activity."
"Yeah," I grumbled. I so didn't want to be there. "It hurts a bit."
"Well, try not to force your voice too much. The last thing you need to do is strain it. Ah, Nurse! Thank you!" the doctor smiled as Nurse Sunshine returned back into the room. Frowning slightly, she handed a clipboard to the older man.
"Hmm. Kanzaki-san, you put on the form that you are not sexually active."
Sexually active? Me? Yeah, right.
"I'm not."
The doctor sighed as he leaned against the immaculate counter, the gray-rimmed glasses falling down the bridge of his nose.
"I can only help you if you are open and honest with me," the man frowned as he tapped the cheap clipboard with a manicured nail. "If you aren't sexually active, young lady, then why are you pregnant?"
Note: Oi. That was pretty predictable, huh? :-)
Response to Reviews:
Ali: Sorry! I feel a little bad that I'm not making this F/H since you were my first reviewer and requested it! Hope you can forgive me! Just for that, I promise I'll write one soon!
Esca chick: Cute name. :-) Thanks so much for the great little ego boost. I soooo needed that! (I was feeling a little bad thinking no one liked this.) Muahaha. Hope you like what happens!
Xelena: Thanks so much! I do so appreciate you taking the time to review. :-)
KoshiMoero: Yay!!! I can't tell you how happy I was to read your review. There's nothing more exciting than having someone tell you that they don't feel what you've written was a waste of time. Okay. I'm uploading this next part now. Maybe if I'm lucky, you'll get to read this ASAP.
To all of you, regardless whether you choose to review or not, thank you for reading!
Author: Celyia (cel@celyia.com)
Note: Thanks to those who have responded. :-) I cant tell you how much it helps to hear your thoughts... and know that someone is listening to mine. It was a hard decision to make, but I decided to make this a Van/Hitomi fic. Why? Well, for one, I love Van. :-) Secondly, if I'm going to make a Folken/Hitomi fic, I want it to be right from the start. So my apologies to those of you who wanted to see the pairing. I already have an idea floating in my head for a possible story, but only one at a time!
First person narrative isn't usually the most popular narrative form out there. Strangely enough, though, it's the one I like to use whenever I'm doing an emotional piece. I've never, though, tried before using it in a serial. This is pretty odd but I really like the way it's turning out. In its own, humble way, this one attempts to become one of my more mature pieces.
Cross your fingers and hope with me that maybe it will succeed. Thanks!
-Cel.
Chapter 3
There's nothing more annoying than throwing up in the morning right after you just changed into your last pair of clean work clothes.
I kneeled there, my head dangling over the porcelain seat as I felt the bile pulsate through my body, teasing my sore throat, as it demanded to be loosed.
I held onto the sides of the bowl, sweating as my small breakfast rumbled threateningly in my stomach.
Damn, I hated having the flu.
Most people get it for three days. Maybe five at most. But me? I had it for two weeks straight. I wasn't used to being sick. I didn't like being sick, and I must admit being an athlete for most of my life spoiled me. I liked the boosted immunities that athletics offered.
And now, as I leaned over the toilet with my hair all stringy from exertion, I missed that natural immunity big time.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I paused to consider what would be less offensive- showing up to work in casual clothes or showing up to work in clothes that reeked of vomit?
Dammit. I knew I should have done my laundry last night.
Unsteadily, I moved to the shower, barely bothering to throw off my clothes as I jumped under the steady stream of hot water. I'd be a little damp by the time I got to the office, but at least I wouldn't smell.
Well, as long as I could keep from throwing up again, anyway.
Quickly, I washed my hair, grumbling at the added effort it took to clean the hair that I allowed to grow to my shoulders over the past few years. At least I hadn't grown it out to my waist or something. I suspect that would take forever to wash and right then, I needed to be out of the house in less than 10 minutes if I didn't want to be late.
By the time I was somewhat dried off and dressed in clothes that were a bit too casual to wear to an accounting firm, a good fifteen minutes had passed.
"Hitomi Kanzaki?" a distinctly male voice called out as I jogged to the bus stop. One of these days, I really needed to buy a car. Ignoring the man, I continued.
"I don't wish to take up too much of your time, but your mother sent me this way, Kanzaki-san," he started, moving directly in front of me.
Yeah. This was all I needed.
"You've caught me at a bad time," I tried to keep my voice polite even as I pushed passed the muscular man. "I'm running late to work."
"It will only take a moment of your time, Kanzaki-san," he insisted. "I will even give you a ride if you are willing to discuss matters with me."
Was that a bribe?
He had about 2.2 seconds before he learned that was a very good way to piss me off.
"The bus is good enough, if you'll excuse me."
He grabbed my upper arm, his grip strong as an iron vise as he forced me to look at him.
"The car would be a lot more convenient," the man grumbled, his deep brown eyes flashing a sort of impatience I really didn't like. Pushy bastard. Just because he's cute he probably thinks he can get away with murder.
"Get your hands off of me," I demanded, staring at him even as I tightened my hand into a fist. If he thought... oh, hell, he so had another thing coming.
"I don't mean to offend," the man sighed, letting go of my arm. "But this is of utmost importance."
I didn't have time for this.
Rolling my eyes, I ran off, pleased at the ease of my escape from Mr. Demanding.
It wasn't until I got on the bus that it dawned on me that he knew my name.
"Are you okay, Kanzaki-san?" Snub-nose asked, her eyes narrowed with concern.
"Yeah, it's cool. Thanks for asking," I waved my hand, hoping the girl would get the hint. Determinedly, I turned down to my work.
Three months had passed since my birthday, but you'd never know it. Projects came and went, but otherwise, everything remained the same.
I didn't know whether to be comforted by that or terrified.
"You look really pale," Snub-nose persisted, leaning over my desk in a pushy manner. "You're a lot stronger than me, but two weeks of having the flu is just too much. You are gonna work yourself to death if you aren't careful."
If I was only so lucky.
Sighing, I looked up at the girl, it chaffing my ego to admit that the emotion in her eyes was concern and not just curiousity.
"Miyuta-san." Wow. I actually remembered Snub-nose's real name, "I'm okay. Really."
She looked at me in open disbelief. Shaking her head, she just walked away, undoubtedly giving me up for as a lost cause.
Truth was, I wasn't all that okay. I hadn't been ... not since that ... since my relapse. For three months I wondered when the next time I'd descend into insanity. For three months it haunted me, knowing that I'd never be cured. Knowing it was only a matter of time. I mean, I had to be so screwed up. After all, it wasn't even just a figment of my imagination that had paid me the late-night birthday visit- it was a dead figment of my imagination.
Doesn't that just beat all?
Work didn't come easily after that. I tried to lose myself in the nice safety of numbers, but it wouldn't come. All I could think about was the joy on the dead man's face.
And the intense, almost overpowering desire to see Van again. Even if he was just a figment of my imagination, I missed him.
"Kanzaki-san," my boss snapped, her pretty eyes impatient as she looked me over appraisingly. "You've come to work. Sick. Again. Can't you get it through your head the kind of trouble you cause when you do this?"
There was something scary about the woman when she was angry. Maybe it was because she was usually so nice and helpful. Or maybe it was just the way her eyes gleamed.
"I'm sorry, Ma'am."
The woman grunted as she pulled up a chair to sit next to me. Slender arms folded across my desk as her normally cheery face squinted into a glare.
"Don't be sorry. Call in sick. You are given two weeks of paid sick leave a year and I expect you to use it instead of exposing my employees with your contagions. Each worker you get sick because of your inability to admit to your weakness costs me money. You're an accountant. What happens when I lose money?"
I winced, unwilling to answer the question.
"Go on, Kanzaki. Tell me what happens when I lose money."
"You will eventually have to lay off employees."
Man, that's a guilt trip.
"That's right. I eventually will have to lay people off. Do you think I want to do that? No. I like my workers. I even like you, Kanzaki. Well, okay. I don't think I like you very much now since you are jeopardizing everyone's security with your thoughtlessness, but for the most part, I like you very much."
Somehow, it was hard to believe her with her lips twisted like that.
"Now you listen to me. You pick up that phone. Call a doctor. Make an appointment. For today. Then you pack up your things and go home. And don't you dare show your face here until you are nice and healthy. Understand?"
"Understood, Ma'am."
My boss just exhaled loudly, forcing the air out from between the gap in her front teeth as she watched me.
"Hitomi, you're a good girl," she sighed. "But you really got to get things together. I don't know what happened in your life to drain your entire will, but you got to get past it. Everyone has a sob story, Hitomi. Everyone. And the truth is, no one cares. Because, in the end, it doesn't matter how you were hurt, what matters is whether you triumph over it or if you allow it to triumph over you."
She stood suddenly, her face reddened, almost as if she were embarrassed by her speech.
I couldn't blame her. I was pretty damn embarrassed, too.
Wonder if she got that little gem off a fortune cookie.
Mreow. Retract those claws, Hitomi.
I stood there, packing up my things, intent on resigning from my job the second I came back. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to deal with Snub-nose's concern. I didn't want to deal with my boss.
Why couldn't I have just worked at a normal place that didn't give a damn about those people they employed?
"This is Hitomi Kanzaki," I muttered into the phone. "I'm feeling kind of ill and was wondering if it was possible to ... oh, wonderful. Um. Today? Right now? It will take me at least 20 minutes to get there, though. Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you in 20. Thanks for everything..."
Great. That was exactly what I needed. Sighing as I threw everything into my briefcase, I spared a look for no one as I slowly walked towards the door.
With a grunt, I hurried out of the building and made my way to the doctor's office.
The receptionist reminded me of Mama, with her big eyes and caring smile. The last person I wanted to think about was Mama, though.
She'd be so disappointed in me if she knew.
I flipped through the magazine, hoping that they'd call me quickly. I didn't want to be there and the sooner they gave me a flu shot, the happier I'd be.
"Kanzaki-san?" a nurse peeked out of the door, gleaming in her bright white uniform and matching smile, almost like bleached sunshine.
"That's me," I said, standing up with a little difficulty. Man. When did I start feeling so weak?
She spoke happily, her words a comforting blur, as she led me to the small office where I would wait for the doctor. Perhaps coming to the doctor wasn't such a bad idea after all I mean, I was so sick and tired of being, well, sick and tired.
"The doctor will be in to see you in a few moments," the nurse said happily as she rolled up my sleeve.
Man, I tried to keep from wincing as the cuff tightened around my arm.
"Well, your blood pressure is fine," the nurse hummed softly as she brought out a disposable thermometer. "Open your mouth for me, please."
"Temperature is only slightly higher than normal. And you say you have the flu?"
"For two weeks now."
I knew I shouldn't have come in.
"When was the last time you had a check-up?"
I couldn't even remember.
"Two years ago, I think," I lied. She didn't even notice.
"It's short notice, but I'll need a urine sample, then."
A trip to the restroom and a couple minutes later, I handed the small container back to Nurse Sunshine.
"Okay, just relax, Kanzaki-san. The doctor will be with you soon."
I watched her leave, the container of liquid in her gloved hand as she went merrily on her way. I guess I hadn't expected to see someone who enjoyed her job so much. It was almost sad.
I mean, I like the office and I like my coworkers, but I really didn't live for being an accountant.
But Sunshine seemed to live for being a nurse, urine samples and all.
In a sad sort of way, that's an easy thing to be envious of.
"So, Kanzaki-san..."
The voice startled me.
"Yes, Doctor?" I asked, my voice suitably humble as the tall, skinny man with the balding head entered the room.
"So I hear you have been feeling under the weather?" he asked, almost sounding as cheery as Nurse Sunshine. Great.
"Yes, sir."
"For two weeks?"
"Yes, sir."
"Hmm. So why do you think you have the flu? You don't have a fever and your blood pressure is normal."
He chuckled as he noticed my frown.
"No, I don't think you are a hypochondriac, Kanzaki-san. I just want to hear your symptoms."
"Well, I've been feeling a bit weak lately. And I've been throwing up practically every morning."
"Hmm. Well, that is a worry. Two weeks, you say? Your throat must be pretty sore. Your esophagus really isn't made for that much activity."
"Yeah," I grumbled. I so didn't want to be there. "It hurts a bit."
"Well, try not to force your voice too much. The last thing you need to do is strain it. Ah, Nurse! Thank you!" the doctor smiled as Nurse Sunshine returned back into the room. Frowning slightly, she handed a clipboard to the older man.
"Hmm. Kanzaki-san, you put on the form that you are not sexually active."
Sexually active? Me? Yeah, right.
"I'm not."
The doctor sighed as he leaned against the immaculate counter, the gray-rimmed glasses falling down the bridge of his nose.
"I can only help you if you are open and honest with me," the man frowned as he tapped the cheap clipboard with a manicured nail. "If you aren't sexually active, young lady, then why are you pregnant?"
Note: Oi. That was pretty predictable, huh? :-)
Response to Reviews:
Ali: Sorry! I feel a little bad that I'm not making this F/H since you were my first reviewer and requested it! Hope you can forgive me! Just for that, I promise I'll write one soon!
Esca chick: Cute name. :-) Thanks so much for the great little ego boost. I soooo needed that! (I was feeling a little bad thinking no one liked this.) Muahaha. Hope you like what happens!
Xelena: Thanks so much! I do so appreciate you taking the time to review. :-)
KoshiMoero: Yay!!! I can't tell you how happy I was to read your review. There's nothing more exciting than having someone tell you that they don't feel what you've written was a waste of time. Okay. I'm uploading this next part now. Maybe if I'm lucky, you'll get to read this ASAP.
To all of you, regardless whether you choose to review or not, thank you for reading!