It's Been A While
Rachel entered the Central Perk. She had just patched things up with Ross, since she hadn't seen him since the following night. She was so happy that the relationship didn't end. She was so happy they resolved it. She walked up to Gunther. Usually, she would have sat down to have her coffee, but no one was there. In fact, she hadn't seen Ross all day. She wondered what would be more important than spending time with his girlfriend, but didn't mind. As long as they were okay.
"Hey Gunther, give me a double Mocha chino, I'm in a particularly good mood today." She smiled. Gunther looked at her stone faced.
"Oh, then I guess Ross hasn't told you yet." He said as he got a cup and began to fill it. Rachel stared at him thinking what he was talking about, but soon gave up.
"Told me what?" She asked nervously. She couldn't ever tell when Gunther was happy, sad, or anything, he only had one expression.
"About him sleeping with the Xerox girl last night."
"What?" She asked quietly.
"Yea, Chloe." He smiled inside, but then he looked into her eyes. She was hurt. He had just given her the biggest pain she had ever felt, and it hurt him as well to know he had just caused it. He handed her the coffee. "It's on the house." He said quickly and walked over to the cash register. Rachel turned herself around slowly, still a little confused by the blow. She took her cup and walked to the back of the Central Perk, promising herself she wouldn't cry.
People came in and went out. She sat there for about an hour and a half, not touching her coffee. She didn't want to move. She wanted to die. But, she still didn't know the full story. 'Who am I kidding myself? I don't need a story, I need the truth.' She thought. She felt her eyes filling, but she wiped them away quickly, making sure that they would stay that way. That's when he entered. She watched him run up to the counter, to Gunther. She didn't hear what he said to Gunther, but she watched him turn around, and saw his pained face when he saw her. It was true. She could tell by his apologetic face that he did it. He was guilty. He started walking towards her, his eyes pleading, begging her not to move, to stay there. 'To hell with him.' She thought. She stood with much force, and hurried out of the Central Perk.
He followed her to the apartment. She shut the door, with him still in it. He was begging her but she shut him out. She just stared at him. Him and his eyes. Those eyes. No! She was much to mad at him to be admiring him. The son of a bitch cheated on her. She started into her room, but Ross yelled.
"RACHEL! WAIT!" She turned around abruptly. He had never seen her so angry. She looked at him. "Please, don't shut me out, talk to me."
"Why the hell should I talk to you? I just found out you had sex with another woman, and now I should have to LISTEN to you?" She yelled.
"No, I didn't want to. I was just so miserable..." He began. He looked at her and could tell she didn't want to hear.
"What do you mean you didn't WANT to? She raped you? Is that is? Right. Okay, come here poor baby." She shouted out sarcastically.
"Hey, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think you were doing it at the exact same time!" He yelled in defense.
"You obviously don't know me very well then do you? I would NEVER put our relationship in jeopardy like that!"
"I didn't even think we HAD a relationship at the time!"
"We didn't BREAK up Ross! You stormed out without even trying to discuss it with me! We could have resolved this if you had JUST waited!" She screamed as she folded her arms.
"How the Hell was I supposed to know that's what you wanted?"
"I'm a woman! We don't tell you what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it." She said, a little quieter than she had been talking before. Ross rubbed his head.
"Rachel." He said in a pleading tone. "I never would have done this if I were conscious. I was drunk, I acted on impulse."
"How many lame ass excuses can you make? That's number three I think, I must have lost count!"
"I'm not making excuses! You mean everything to me! I would never-"
"OBVIOUSLY I don't mean too damn much to you if you slept with the first whore who was willing! I mean, God Ross..." She put her hand on her head, it was throbbing. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"I was thinking of you and Mark, that's what I was thinking of." He said harshly.
"Shit! Will you just get OVER Mark? Am I slut Ross? Am I a fucking slut who sleeps around with guys? Huh? Would I end a relationship that I was completely and unbelievably happy in for another guy whom I had NO interest in?"
"No, I just, I trust you, and I don't trust him. I didn't like the fact that you were spending SO much time with him." He said helplessly.
"My JOB is important to me! I had NO interest in Mark, whatsoever! And you thought I was SLEEPING with him? I'm so happy you trust me, but I don't trust you! You ruined our relationship by your mistake, your stupid fucking mistake!"
"Rachel! Could even TRY to forgive me?"
"Suppose I DID forgive you, how in hell would I know you wouldn't do it again?"
"Do you think this is fun for me Rach? Do I look like I am enjoying this? I have learned my lesson!"
"NO! If you were sorry, you never would have done this. I figured that there was no one in this world that couldn't hurt me.." She let the tears roll. Her dignity was already lost. "And then I found you, I thought, 'thank you GOD! Thank you for giving me this angel. This one man who would love me and put me on the highest pedestal and treat me like I was the Goddamned queen of Sheba.' I thought if there was one man in this world who would love me, respect me, and care for me no matter what, I had found him. I would have walked to both ends of the earth for you, but I guess I was wrong. I hate it when I'm wrong."
She sat down on the couch and buried her head in her hands. Ross cried. He hadn't felt this low, this disgusting.
"I still am all that stuff. I never changed, my love for you never changed."
"No, it did. And you're not even the same person to me anymore. You are no better than Joey." That stung into Ross deeply. He would never compare what he did to something Joey would do, but deep inside he saw exactly what she meant.
"Rach, you can't just throw our relationship away like this. I won't let you."
"I will do what I want to do because as far as I am concerned, you threw this relationship away. I am constantly getting hurt. It really makes me wonder if you even love me."
"I do love you. I would never want to hurt you, Rach." Ross said his voice cracking. Rachel cried more. It hurt so badly. She looked at him square in the eyes.
"It's funny how the ones we love can hurt us the most. I loved you Ross. I gave you my all to make you happy." She whispered.
"Rachel, I can't live without you. I need you..."
"How much do you love me?" She said in a more balanced voice.
"So much it hurts. It hurts..."
"Then Leave." She said looking back up at him. She sniffed. "Leave. If you love me you won't make me say it twice." Ross didn't budge. He stood there crying. He was so lost. He knew if he didn't try harder he would lose her forever. He refused to leave.
"LEAVE!" She screamed. Ross closed his eyes. He wasn't leaving. "Does this give you some kind of a sick pleasure? Seeing my pain? You are a stranger to me. I don't know you. This isn't the Ross I know." Ross opened his eyes and walked over to her.
"You're right, I know it was wrong. I know. I am so so sorry. If I could go back in time you would have never had to find out about this...."
"Wa-wa-wait. What? I never would have found out? So, you would have still done it, only I wouldn't have FOUND OUT?!" He moved hi closer to her and took her hand, but she jerked it away quickly. "Don't fucking touch me."
"That's not what I meant, I just, I wish you hadn't called a break.
"SHUT UP Ross!" I have NO regrets on calling that break! ON that break I realized how I couldn't imagine my life without you. I remembered how right it felt in your arms! I was happy to get over it and get back with you. My love for you grew. But obviously for you it made you realize that you don't need me! So DON'T say you need me!"
"Okay! Okay! I have tried and tried to get a word in, so now it's my turn. I made a mistake, and I realize this. I have NO time machine. I have NO magic powers, and I have NO way to go back and fix this. I've tried, 'love you's' I've tried the 'I need you's..."
"TRY HARDER!" Rachel rolled her eyes. She was so irritated, hurt, betrayed, she basically felt every negative feeling all rolled into one emotion.
"Hey! You don't know how horrible I feel! Nothing I say s working! What do I do?:"
"I don't know!"
"Okay, knowing what you know now, would you have slept with Mark?"
"HONESTLY? NO! Because THEN I would be NO BETTER that you! You are a sorry excuse for a human Being! God, and to have to hear it from CUNTHER!"
"I tried to stop that from happening!"
"Oh, My God. You wouldn't have told me would you? You would have had me walk around smiling like I had won the lottery while EVERYONE KNEW?"
"NO! HOW do I to FIX THIS!"
"Ross, I don't think you can." She sobbed.
"No, Rachel, don't do this to me. I'm dying. I so so so sorry. Please give me another chance. One more is all I ask.."
"no." She whispered.
"What?"
"NO! I won't allow myself to be hurt by you again."
"What about me? Do you think I am happy about this?"
"HOW CAN YOU BE SO SELFISH? I DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOU! I DIDN'T GET INTO SOME DRUNKEN STUPOR AND BANG SOME RANDOM PERSON! You cheated on me. And My heart can't take the Wrath Of Ross any longer."
"Well you can't make me stop loving you."
"You'll have to get over it then, because I have to try to too."
"I can try and change your mind." He said softly as he neared her. He took her hands and kissed her lips. She pulled away quickly. He just looked at her desperately. She looked down and shook her head.
"You know it's over, when a kiss is just another kiss."
And that was it. Ross couldn't try anything more. She had pointed out too many things, and there was nothing he could do. He nodded slowly, and went to hug her. Rachel stopped him.
"Go." She said in a whisper. "Just go." And he did. Everything was out in the open and there was room for turning back, but both of them moved forward.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Rachel!" Gunther's shout snapped her back into reality.
"Yea?" She asked in a dazed tone. She could still hear the shouting in her head. She rubbed her eyes.
"I need to close up." He said unhurriedly.
"Oh, okay. Can I just have five minutes? I'll lock up, I promise."
"Sure." He smiled handing her the keys. "Oh, and by the way, welcome back. How long are you staying."
"Long enough to get old memories and regrets behind me." She half smiled.
"Ok, well, it was nice to see you." He said as he began to leave.
"Yea, It's been a while." She said to herself.
Rachel had left the following week after the fight. She hadn't wanted to be there. She was just too hurt by all of the memories locked in the Central Perk, in the apartments, in New York. That's why she had moved. She moved as soon as she got a transfer, which was between her and Sophie, but luckily for her, she got it. Unlucky for her friends, and Ross, she took it. She didn't know why they couldn't have just talked it out. No, she knew why. She would never be able to look him in the eyes again. He had broken her heart. Many things had been said that day.
And today, four years, she had returned.
It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I first saw you
And it's been a while
Since I could stand
On my own to feet again
And it's been a while since I could call you
And every thing I can't remember
As fucked up as it all my seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
But everything seems to disappear when I'm with you
And every thing I can't remember
As fucked up as it all my seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been a while
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
But I can still remember just the way you taste
And every thing I can't remember
As fucked up as it all my seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry....
(Staind: It's been a while: Break the Cycle)
TO BE CONTINUED?
XOXOElizabethXOXO
Hey Ya'll, I am dodging R+R Fan's bullets right now, but I will tell you all that it will be an R+R fic, okay? It's going to be good too, one of the fics I'll actually Finnish! Hooray! Lol. TTYL!
REVEIW, PLEASE!
Rachel entered the Central Perk. She had just patched things up with Ross, since she hadn't seen him since the following night. She was so happy that the relationship didn't end. She was so happy they resolved it. She walked up to Gunther. Usually, she would have sat down to have her coffee, but no one was there. In fact, she hadn't seen Ross all day. She wondered what would be more important than spending time with his girlfriend, but didn't mind. As long as they were okay.
"Hey Gunther, give me a double Mocha chino, I'm in a particularly good mood today." She smiled. Gunther looked at her stone faced.
"Oh, then I guess Ross hasn't told you yet." He said as he got a cup and began to fill it. Rachel stared at him thinking what he was talking about, but soon gave up.
"Told me what?" She asked nervously. She couldn't ever tell when Gunther was happy, sad, or anything, he only had one expression.
"About him sleeping with the Xerox girl last night."
"What?" She asked quietly.
"Yea, Chloe." He smiled inside, but then he looked into her eyes. She was hurt. He had just given her the biggest pain she had ever felt, and it hurt him as well to know he had just caused it. He handed her the coffee. "It's on the house." He said quickly and walked over to the cash register. Rachel turned herself around slowly, still a little confused by the blow. She took her cup and walked to the back of the Central Perk, promising herself she wouldn't cry.
People came in and went out. She sat there for about an hour and a half, not touching her coffee. She didn't want to move. She wanted to die. But, she still didn't know the full story. 'Who am I kidding myself? I don't need a story, I need the truth.' She thought. She felt her eyes filling, but she wiped them away quickly, making sure that they would stay that way. That's when he entered. She watched him run up to the counter, to Gunther. She didn't hear what he said to Gunther, but she watched him turn around, and saw his pained face when he saw her. It was true. She could tell by his apologetic face that he did it. He was guilty. He started walking towards her, his eyes pleading, begging her not to move, to stay there. 'To hell with him.' She thought. She stood with much force, and hurried out of the Central Perk.
He followed her to the apartment. She shut the door, with him still in it. He was begging her but she shut him out. She just stared at him. Him and his eyes. Those eyes. No! She was much to mad at him to be admiring him. The son of a bitch cheated on her. She started into her room, but Ross yelled.
"RACHEL! WAIT!" She turned around abruptly. He had never seen her so angry. She looked at him. "Please, don't shut me out, talk to me."
"Why the hell should I talk to you? I just found out you had sex with another woman, and now I should have to LISTEN to you?" She yelled.
"No, I didn't want to. I was just so miserable..." He began. He looked at her and could tell she didn't want to hear.
"What do you mean you didn't WANT to? She raped you? Is that is? Right. Okay, come here poor baby." She shouted out sarcastically.
"Hey, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think you were doing it at the exact same time!" He yelled in defense.
"You obviously don't know me very well then do you? I would NEVER put our relationship in jeopardy like that!"
"I didn't even think we HAD a relationship at the time!"
"We didn't BREAK up Ross! You stormed out without even trying to discuss it with me! We could have resolved this if you had JUST waited!" She screamed as she folded her arms.
"How the Hell was I supposed to know that's what you wanted?"
"I'm a woman! We don't tell you what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it." She said, a little quieter than she had been talking before. Ross rubbed his head.
"Rachel." He said in a pleading tone. "I never would have done this if I were conscious. I was drunk, I acted on impulse."
"How many lame ass excuses can you make? That's number three I think, I must have lost count!"
"I'm not making excuses! You mean everything to me! I would never-"
"OBVIOUSLY I don't mean too damn much to you if you slept with the first whore who was willing! I mean, God Ross..." She put her hand on her head, it was throbbing. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"I was thinking of you and Mark, that's what I was thinking of." He said harshly.
"Shit! Will you just get OVER Mark? Am I slut Ross? Am I a fucking slut who sleeps around with guys? Huh? Would I end a relationship that I was completely and unbelievably happy in for another guy whom I had NO interest in?"
"No, I just, I trust you, and I don't trust him. I didn't like the fact that you were spending SO much time with him." He said helplessly.
"My JOB is important to me! I had NO interest in Mark, whatsoever! And you thought I was SLEEPING with him? I'm so happy you trust me, but I don't trust you! You ruined our relationship by your mistake, your stupid fucking mistake!"
"Rachel! Could even TRY to forgive me?"
"Suppose I DID forgive you, how in hell would I know you wouldn't do it again?"
"Do you think this is fun for me Rach? Do I look like I am enjoying this? I have learned my lesson!"
"NO! If you were sorry, you never would have done this. I figured that there was no one in this world that couldn't hurt me.." She let the tears roll. Her dignity was already lost. "And then I found you, I thought, 'thank you GOD! Thank you for giving me this angel. This one man who would love me and put me on the highest pedestal and treat me like I was the Goddamned queen of Sheba.' I thought if there was one man in this world who would love me, respect me, and care for me no matter what, I had found him. I would have walked to both ends of the earth for you, but I guess I was wrong. I hate it when I'm wrong."
She sat down on the couch and buried her head in her hands. Ross cried. He hadn't felt this low, this disgusting.
"I still am all that stuff. I never changed, my love for you never changed."
"No, it did. And you're not even the same person to me anymore. You are no better than Joey." That stung into Ross deeply. He would never compare what he did to something Joey would do, but deep inside he saw exactly what she meant.
"Rach, you can't just throw our relationship away like this. I won't let you."
"I will do what I want to do because as far as I am concerned, you threw this relationship away. I am constantly getting hurt. It really makes me wonder if you even love me."
"I do love you. I would never want to hurt you, Rach." Ross said his voice cracking. Rachel cried more. It hurt so badly. She looked at him square in the eyes.
"It's funny how the ones we love can hurt us the most. I loved you Ross. I gave you my all to make you happy." She whispered.
"Rachel, I can't live without you. I need you..."
"How much do you love me?" She said in a more balanced voice.
"So much it hurts. It hurts..."
"Then Leave." She said looking back up at him. She sniffed. "Leave. If you love me you won't make me say it twice." Ross didn't budge. He stood there crying. He was so lost. He knew if he didn't try harder he would lose her forever. He refused to leave.
"LEAVE!" She screamed. Ross closed his eyes. He wasn't leaving. "Does this give you some kind of a sick pleasure? Seeing my pain? You are a stranger to me. I don't know you. This isn't the Ross I know." Ross opened his eyes and walked over to her.
"You're right, I know it was wrong. I know. I am so so sorry. If I could go back in time you would have never had to find out about this...."
"Wa-wa-wait. What? I never would have found out? So, you would have still done it, only I wouldn't have FOUND OUT?!" He moved hi closer to her and took her hand, but she jerked it away quickly. "Don't fucking touch me."
"That's not what I meant, I just, I wish you hadn't called a break.
"SHUT UP Ross!" I have NO regrets on calling that break! ON that break I realized how I couldn't imagine my life without you. I remembered how right it felt in your arms! I was happy to get over it and get back with you. My love for you grew. But obviously for you it made you realize that you don't need me! So DON'T say you need me!"
"Okay! Okay! I have tried and tried to get a word in, so now it's my turn. I made a mistake, and I realize this. I have NO time machine. I have NO magic powers, and I have NO way to go back and fix this. I've tried, 'love you's' I've tried the 'I need you's..."
"TRY HARDER!" Rachel rolled her eyes. She was so irritated, hurt, betrayed, she basically felt every negative feeling all rolled into one emotion.
"Hey! You don't know how horrible I feel! Nothing I say s working! What do I do?:"
"I don't know!"
"Okay, knowing what you know now, would you have slept with Mark?"
"HONESTLY? NO! Because THEN I would be NO BETTER that you! You are a sorry excuse for a human Being! God, and to have to hear it from CUNTHER!"
"I tried to stop that from happening!"
"Oh, My God. You wouldn't have told me would you? You would have had me walk around smiling like I had won the lottery while EVERYONE KNEW?"
"NO! HOW do I to FIX THIS!"
"Ross, I don't think you can." She sobbed.
"No, Rachel, don't do this to me. I'm dying. I so so so sorry. Please give me another chance. One more is all I ask.."
"no." She whispered.
"What?"
"NO! I won't allow myself to be hurt by you again."
"What about me? Do you think I am happy about this?"
"HOW CAN YOU BE SO SELFISH? I DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOU! I DIDN'T GET INTO SOME DRUNKEN STUPOR AND BANG SOME RANDOM PERSON! You cheated on me. And My heart can't take the Wrath Of Ross any longer."
"Well you can't make me stop loving you."
"You'll have to get over it then, because I have to try to too."
"I can try and change your mind." He said softly as he neared her. He took her hands and kissed her lips. She pulled away quickly. He just looked at her desperately. She looked down and shook her head.
"You know it's over, when a kiss is just another kiss."
And that was it. Ross couldn't try anything more. She had pointed out too many things, and there was nothing he could do. He nodded slowly, and went to hug her. Rachel stopped him.
"Go." She said in a whisper. "Just go." And he did. Everything was out in the open and there was room for turning back, but both of them moved forward.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Rachel!" Gunther's shout snapped her back into reality.
"Yea?" She asked in a dazed tone. She could still hear the shouting in her head. She rubbed her eyes.
"I need to close up." He said unhurriedly.
"Oh, okay. Can I just have five minutes? I'll lock up, I promise."
"Sure." He smiled handing her the keys. "Oh, and by the way, welcome back. How long are you staying."
"Long enough to get old memories and regrets behind me." She half smiled.
"Ok, well, it was nice to see you." He said as he began to leave.
"Yea, It's been a while." She said to herself.
Rachel had left the following week after the fight. She hadn't wanted to be there. She was just too hurt by all of the memories locked in the Central Perk, in the apartments, in New York. That's why she had moved. She moved as soon as she got a transfer, which was between her and Sophie, but luckily for her, she got it. Unlucky for her friends, and Ross, she took it. She didn't know why they couldn't have just talked it out. No, she knew why. She would never be able to look him in the eyes again. He had broken her heart. Many things had been said that day.
And today, four years, she had returned.
It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I first saw you
And it's been a while
Since I could stand
On my own to feet again
And it's been a while since I could call you
And every thing I can't remember
As fucked up as it all my seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
But everything seems to disappear when I'm with you
And every thing I can't remember
As fucked up as it all my seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been a while
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
But I can still remember just the way you taste
And every thing I can't remember
As fucked up as it all my seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry....
(Staind: It's been a while: Break the Cycle)
TO BE CONTINUED?
XOXOElizabethXOXO
Hey Ya'll, I am dodging R+R Fan's bullets right now, but I will tell you all that it will be an R+R fic, okay? It's going to be good too, one of the fics I'll actually Finnish! Hooray! Lol. TTYL!
REVEIW, PLEASE!