9. The Concert / Part 1
"So you are going to leave us tomorrow?" asked Jerome and soaked a swab of cotton in the bowl Serene handed him.
They stood by a table in one of the straw-thatched buildings, where Jerome kept sick or injured creatures. On the table sat a very unhappy looking Augurey with a broken wing and deep scratches over its face. Obviously a big cat had got dangerously close to the bird.
Serene prepared an oatmeal poultice for the broken wing. "A friend invited us to stay at her townhouse in London for New Years Eve, to see the Muggle fireworks. And then there is Julia's concert on the 30iest, isn't it? Why don't you and Abby come with us? Claire certainly won't mind. She loves to meet new people."
Jerome shook his head and patted the scared creature's head soothingly.
"Big events like concerts are too .... strenuous for me."
She watched him as he carefully applied the warm oatmeal to the wing-joint, and saw how the creature relaxed under his ministrations.
"Is it because of the many emotions you'll catch? You managed fine in Littlejohn."
Remus' father smiled at her distractedly. "In Littlejohn I know everybody. And I know what emotions to expect. Still, it takes a lot of strength to block them off. Being surrounded by thousands of strangers on an exciting evening like New Year's Eve sounds like a nightmare to me."
Still smiling he prepared a bed of straw for the Augurey. "Creatures and animals are so much easier to deal with. Clear emotions. Fear is fear. Love is love. Hunger is hunger. People on the other hand ... are a mess."
Serene frowned and he laughed openly.
"My dear girl, just look at yourself! Just look at Rem! What do you feel for him?"
She blushed. "I ... I don't know ..."
Jerome took a seat on a bale of straw. "I don't need to be emphatic to know. It is this very human condition, a mixture of fear and longing and hunger and love. And Remus," he sighed softly, "is just as confused. You know he loves you." His words were a statement, not a question.
She nodded silently.
"He is guided by love and concentrates only on that emotion while he refuses to deal with the muddy waters that lie beyond." Jerome wiped oatmeal off his hands. "That won't do."
Serene shook her head. "I don't think you are right. Well, maybe you are right about me. But Remus ... He is so settled, so self-assured. It is almost scary how he knows what he wants from life."
The old wizard stood up and went to the window to watch his son play in the snow with the three little girls.
"Remus hates who ... what ... he is," he said quietly and his eyes conveyed the deep sorrow he felt. "He pretends to be fine, but he isn't. I am not sure if you know what being a werewolf really means. Abby and I, we have been suffocating you with facts about lycanthropy in the last days and you must forgive concerned parents who only want the best for their boy. But we …"
Serene avoided his gaze and put a light blanket over the Augurey. Then she picked up the bowl, the wooden spatula and the remaining cotton. "I better ..."
He would not let her get away that easy. "Remus loves you, Serene, and this love shines brighter than the darkness that lurches in him. Nevertheless he has to deal with it one day." He reached for her hand. "As you'll have to deal with the dark spot on your soul. Sometimes forgiving yourself can be the hardest thing."
Serene's body went rigid. "I don't know what you are talking about."
For a long moment they fought a battle of will in absolute silence. Eventually Jerome gave up.
"Anyway, ma fille, Abby and I want you to know that no matter what happens between you and Remus, you'll always be welcome at our house." He shrugged and threw last look at his patient. The Augurey slept peacefully in its straw bed. "Just one more thing. Got any visions about how long his wing will take to heal?"
Then a close snowball from little Delphine found its way through the open door and made them part of the largest snow fight Sherwood Forest had seen in years.
* * *
Oh yes, this was definitely a Winterstorm property, thought Serene when she took in the room. After their late arrival and a casual dinner in the large kitchen, Claire had led them upstairs to a lush and elegantly furnished suite with high windows and a beautiful view at the park behind Gringott's.
From beyond Diagon Alley Serene could hear the bells of one of the Muggle churches chime.
Remus lay on the bed, long limbs stretched out, arms crossed behind his head. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was not asleep. When they'd left his parent's house, Remus' mood had changed into black, as if a dark cloud was hovering over him. Serene was not sure what had caused the mood- swing, but he had hardly said a word all evening, although he had concentrated hard - and successfully where Claire was concerned - on pretending he was happy and calm.
She folded her cloak carefully, stepped out of her boots and kneeled next to him on the bed. How familiar his face had become to her ... Every line, every feature seemed to call to her, tug on her heart. Suddenly feeling very sentimental, she straddled him.
Remus' eyes flew open. In the dim light of the single candle at the nightstand his eyes appeared more amber than brown.
"Is everything alright?"
He did not answer.
Playfully Serene unbuttoned his shirt.
"Are you tired?"
Her voice was a low purr.
She gently touched his soft brown hair, his neck, his shoulders, in an awkward attempt to stroke away the tension. Slowly she felt his muscles relax under her caressing hands. The last thing she wanted was causing him more pain than she already had.
'Don't lie to yourself,' her inner voice mocked. 'If you really wanted him unharmed, you'd leave right now. You'd not stay only because you can't bear the thought of losing him.'
And still, here she was, so very close to him, trailing kisses down his neck to his collarbone, and up again to the soft spot where jaw met ear. Remus gasped softly when the tip of her tongue teased him there, and with a soft growl turned around, still holding her.
Now, laying on top, he stared down at her, burned her with his eyes. For a moment she just took in the sensation of his body covering hers completely. His skin was unusually hot, almost feverish, much like the first time they had made love.
She stretched upwards a fraction of an inch, nipping briefly on his bottom lip, begging to get kissed and with a sigh he obliged.
"I love you."
Remus' voice was only a murmur, but the words made her heart flutter. Lightly his hands cupped her face. Now it was she who closed her eyes, concentrating only on the sweet touch of his lips. His hands revelled on smooth skin, touching, teasing, claiming what was his rightfully.
A quick, laughing moan escaped her, when he tickled her and rolled over so she lay on top of him again. For a moment their eyes locked. For a moment time stood still. The kiss was pure passion. There was no room for thought, no room for reason. There was only sensation.
Remus' hands left her alone just long enough to unfasten her robes, to push off his boots. While he helped her to wriggle out of the clinging fabric, his hands glided down, from cool silk to hot skin, and deeper into warm welcoming moistness.
Breathless, Serene wrapped herself around him, held onto his shoulders for dear life.
Opened to him, eager to get closer, so close her body would meld into his.
And become one being.
She felt the hot white light explode in her very core, radiate waves of pure pleasure, and at the same time knew Remus was watching her, guarding her, always in control, attentive to her needs and oblivious to his very own. She drew his head down, cradling him against her breast in a sudden desire to own him fully, to tear the reigns that held him back. Even as a desperate moan and a last forceful thrust proved that it had needed nothing more to push him over the edge, the last barrier between them never fell.
Exquisitely exhausted, Serene snuggled into Remus' arms afterwards, and his heartbeat sang her to sleep. She sighed softly when he nuzzled his cheek against her hair, and more anticipated than heard his words, when he whispered.
"What do I have to do to make you love me?"
She bit on her tongue to stifle a sob. A lonely tear slid through her lashes and ran down her cheek. If he only knew ... If he knew that merely seeing him enter the room made her feel all warm inside ... If he only knew how his presence drove away all fear, all sadness ... If only this was a perfect world and she'd be free to answer him, to tell him that there was nothing he could do to make her love him because she already did. But since she could not tell him what he longed to hear more than anything, she pretended to be asleep.
Remus kissed her forehead ever so gently and watched his woman sleep, while the moonlight seeped through the heavy drapes.
When she woke up the next time, she knew immediately something was wrong. Her hand reached for Remus' body next to hers, but there was nothing. The sheets were cold, so he must have left their bed some time ago. She tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. Though she loathed admitting it - it was easier to relax when she heard Remus' heartbeat, felt his warm skin.
Still drowsy, she wrapped the sheet around her body as a makeshift robe and went in search of her man.
The door to the bathroom was half ajar, and when she heard water running, she almost went back to bed. But then she got a glimpse at Remus' face in the mirror. He was pale, his eyes red-rimmed, and dark stubble pronounced the hollow of his cheeks.
Worried she pushed open the door.
Remus who had been splashing cold water in his face, looked up and gave her a weary smile. "Did I wake you?"
"No." Serene pulled up the slipping sheet. "Remy, are you ill?"
He had been nervous and irritated the day before, when they travelled to London. And now he looked feverish and exhausted. And although he tried to hide his hand, she could see that his palm was lacerated with bloody cuts - as if he'd clawed his own fingernails deep into the flesh.
"I am fine," he smiled faintly. "Just had a bad dream."
In fact he had not slept at all, but had tried all night long to fight the heat that rose in him. Two more nights until the full moon, and he did not know if he could keep control and resist the urge to transform any longer. He had never been as happy as in the last few days - and he would not risk that happiness and Serene's growing trust by scaring her to death.
'You are a coward and a liar, Lupin' he accused his face in the mirror, while Serene stepped closer and let one hand run over the back of his neck. 'You are not afraid of scaring her. You are afraid of seeing the revulsion in her eyes when she became aware of what you really are.
"Want to come back to bed?" Serene kissed his shoulder, and the caress reassured him a bit.
"Want to come back to Hogwarts?" he asked softly.
She tensed immediately.
„Why is this so important to you, Remus?" she asked, somewhat exasperated. "Why can't we keep it as it is now? You could still teach in Hogwarts and we could see each other on the weekends."
Now he looked at her and for the duration of a heartbeat she got a glimpse right into his soul. The deep commitment she saw there touched and frightened her at the same time.
"It's because you are the only one," he replied quietly. "And if it doesn't work out between the two of us … there'll be nobody else. Ever."
"Remy …"
"I'll be all alone then." He went back into the bedroom, and stood by the window, naked and barefoot, and once more Serene's breath hitched in her throat at the sight of his beautiful body.
She followed him, sat on the bed and hugged her knees. "You won't be alone. You'll find another woman who can give you all you deserve. Who will love you …"
She winced when Remus' fist suddenly hit the wall and produced a visible dent in the plaster. When he turned his face was raw with emotion.
"I remember the day you were born."
Serene shook her head. "Remus, you can't possibly …"
He raised a hand. "Wait. You know I got … bitten … when I was five."
"Abby told me so, yes."
"And for almost two years they thought I would not make it. I was too small to understand the changes my body forced on me. But I dreamed the same dream ever night. There was only darkness and, Merlin, it was so cold. I was so frightened. And I screamed into the darkness, but nobody ever answered."
The five year old boy's desperation seeped through the wizard's detached voice. Serene scrambled out of bed and went to Remus, ignoring his stance.
"Not like this," she whispered and reached for his hand. "Come back to bed, love. Tell me there."
Serene settled against the pillows and drew him into her arms in a protective gesture that was uncommon for her.
"I got sicker every day. Weaker. I lost my will to live, and I was so afraid to fall asleep because I could not bear the dreams."
Serene stroked his chest and pressed a kiss on his forehead while he remembered the dark months he had spent in agony.
"But then, one night, somebody answered." He took her hand and nuzzled his cheek into her open palm. "No voice, but … I don't know. A presence …"
"But, Remy, how do you …"
"December 26th," he said calmly. "Thirty years ago. Your birthday."
Flabbergasted she looked down at him. How could this be? It had to be a ridiculous coincidence. She did not believe in this bond. She could not afford to believe in it …
"You must have felt it, too."
Remus rolled to his side so he could see her face.
"No." Serene shrugged and carefully avoided his scrutinising gaze. "I never felt … anything."
She picked up the bath robe from where she'd dropped it the evening before and rose from the bed. "We should get up. Laurel and Severus should be here by now. I smell coffee, and I am starving."
When she went into the bathroom, his eyes burned into her back, but she did not turn.
* * *
Before they entered the sunny salon where Claire had breakfast served, both Serene and Remus forced a smile onto their face.
The room was filled with wintry sunlight, and again Serene decided fondly that Claire had a special gift with colours. The light yellow of the curtains complimented the soft green carpet, and a large bouquet of Snowroses bloomed in a green earthenware bowl on the mantle.
They found Severus and Laurel sitting with Claire at an immaculately set breakfast table. The scent of freshly brewed coffee wavered through the room.
Laurel dropped the scone she had just picked from the big plate with delicious bakeries, and ran to hug Serene. Serene returned the embrace, secretly surprised how much she had missed the other woman. All her life she had prided herself on how self-sufficient she was. And now she got more and more entangled in a web of dependencies.
Remus and Severus exchanged polite nods, both pleased to see the other, both of them way to reserved to show any emotion.
Eventually Laurel let go of Serene and drew her to the table.
"Look who's there, honey! We missed her a lot, didn't we?" she cooed, and Serene frowned at her. She knew quite well that her friend loved the cold potions master from the bottom of her heart, but when had she taken to talking to him in that ridiculous way? And she severely doubted that Severus Snape had missed her as much as Laurel claimed …
A small face peeked up at her from knee-height, holding on to Snape's leg.
"Ene?"
Serene crouched, holding out her hands and felt a sting of joy when Jonah let go of his protective base and ran to her. She picked him up and planted a big kiss on his nose. "My, how you have grown!"
The boy squeaked in delight when she tickled his chin, and grabbed hold at her hair.
"He remembers me."
Her voice trembled a little when she marvelled at Jonah's laughing face. "After all those weeks, he still remembers me."
Laurel smiled and exchanged a glance with Claire, nodding slightly in Remus' direction. The wizard looked at Serene and the little boy so unhappily, Claire adverted her eyes.
"Of course he remembers you," snorted Severus, "After all you are the only red-haired witch in his life so far. And," he added with a surprisingly warm smile," you make great presents!"
He held up a toy snake, as thick as a man's arm, fashioned out of soft green and silvery velvet.
Jonah gurgled a few words in his own secret language and tapped the toy on the head. "Lytin!"
"He can't pronounce Slytherin yet," explained Snape.
Serene smiled, when Professor Flitwick's spell made the snake roll into a ball, uncurl and wind around the little boy's belly.
While Laurel, Claire and Serene joked with Jonah, Severus turned to the other wizard and studied Lupin's drawn face over the rim of his coffee mug.
"Allow me to state that you look like …"
"A werewolf by full moon. I could howl with joy." Remus' tired attempt to joke did not convince the Potions master at all.
"Are you sure you can do it without Wolfsbane? I got some in my baggage," Snape offered. "I could borrow a cauldron from Claire's kitchen and brew something for you."
"No." Remus winced when the handle of the mug cracked under his grip. "I won't take it anymore. Never again."
"Then pray tell me how you intent to get through tonight's concert? It is mostly open air, you know? And although the sky is clouded, the moon will be almost full."
Remus sighed. "I know. I'll stay under the roof. And I …" he looked at Serene who clowned around with the little boy and the toy snake. "I just have to keep my temper. Nobody will be the wiser."
Snape stared at him in sudden suspicion, and Remus busied with his breakfast.
"You did not tell her!" the Potions master hissed. "Are you crazy?"
"I can't. It is one thing to date a werewolf who is sedated by Wolfsbane. But how could I expose her to the … monster … I really am?"
Checking with a fast side-glance that the women were still busy, Severus glowered at Lupin.
"If she loves you, she won't mind."
Remus shot him a bitter smile. "Well, she doesn't. Baring my heart has not changed that. But I'll be damned if I scare her away by baring my fangs."
Snape shrugged. "Your decision, Lupin. But if you transform tonight, stay away from my family."
Laurel laid a hand on his shoulder. "Now, what about your family, Professor?"
Remus shook his head ever so lightly, and Snape shrugged again, complying Lupin's silent request. "Not my family." He took her hand, and wondered about himself briefly. How in the world had he, the deceiver, the double agent, become uncomfortable with lying? "We are talking about Draco Malfoy. Before Lucius and I … fell apart ... I was supposed to be Draco's guardian if anything ever happened to his father. But two days ago the Malfoy family lawyer informed me that Lucius changed his will."
"When you opposed Voldemort," added Laurel very softly.
"There are not many male Malfoys left, it is not a large family," said Remus, glad that Snape had found a inconspicuous subject. "I wonder who is responsible for the brat now."
"I hope Narcissa sends Draco back to Hogwarts once the Holidays are over," mused Severus and let Jonah sit on his lap and play with a muffin. "He doesn't have many friends there, but still …"
"Harry was so disappointed he was allowed to come to the concert," interfered Claire who had not really listened but had tried to pry out the reason for Serene's obvious unhappiness. Obviously her friend's mood had changed over night. One could only hope that it was only a lover's tiff but Claire suspected that something was seriously wrong between Serene and Remus, something a few romantic days could not fix.
"Harry," Serene stuttered, suddenly pale. "You brought Harry with you?"
"No, Dumbledore decided it was too dangerous for him. But he … we hoped, we'd see Sirius. With so many people around …"
Laurel gave her friend a sympathetic smile and removed with a skilled hand a piece of blueberry muffin out of Jonah's ear. "You miss him a lot, don't you? After all you have not seen Sirius for …"
"Ah, months," lied Claire and blushed a bit, thinking about Sirius who still slept in their bedroom upstairs. "Hard to bear, I give you that. It is hard for Harry, too."
"On the other hand, Dumbledore's probably right," said Snape. "A Salamander- concert is far too dangerous for the boy."
"Dangerous?" Serene sat down next to Remus and although she felt that he was angry with her, she chose to ignore his bad mood. "Your little sister Julia did not appear very dangerous to me."
Remus sighed. "Salamander is a very … outspoken band," he tried to explain.
"Outspoken!" Snape snorted. "I doubt the Ministry of Magic and you agree on this definition."
"Many people say, Salamander drives the young ones into Voldemort's hands, " pointed Claire out to Serene. "They sing about everything that's wrong in our society - and as we all know, that's quite a lot. Just remember what the Ministry did to the giants! Salamander always made it their policy to speak up about injustice and prejudice."
"No wonder the government wants to silence them." Serene nodded. "But what's all that to do with Voldemort?"
"The Death Eaters use Salamander's concerts as a hunting ground for the discontented." Severus pushed back his plate, out of Jonah's reach. "Tonight there will be dozens of them in the audience, and also dozens of Aurors. To risky a location for the boy who lived."
"I invited Cas," said Claire and refilled the coffee mugs. "You remember Sirius' brother? He is off duty until the New Year, and he told me he was a huge fan."
"Castor Black?"
Snape and Remus snorted simultaneously and Claire frowned in confusion.
"What?"
"A huge fan!" coughed Remus, and Serene beat him on the back without pity. "I bet he is!"
"Will anybody explain, for Merlin's sake?" demanded Claire.
Severus sat Jonah down on the floor and gave her one of his rare grins. "You'll see, Claire. You'll see."
* * *
Breakfast turned into lazy lunch, and after Jonah's nap the weather cleared, so they ventured outside. The snow, London had received on Christmas Day, lay still like a soft downy cover on the roofs and sidewalks of Diagon Alley. After a stroll through the alleyways, Laurel guided them to the small circular park behind Gringott's.
Here crowds of children tried out their Christmas presents, bombarded each other with snowballs, or slid down a low hill.
Jonah tugged on his father's robe excitedly and demanded to be sat into one of the swings tangling from the branch of a huge old maple.
"Well, I guess, we leave you guys here with Jonah, while we nip into Gladrags and find something to wear for tonight," said Laurel with a deadpan voice. "
Severus paled.
Remus cleared his throat. "I really don't think ...."
Serene chuckled at his obvious shock. "Now just look at that! You guys would rather face Voldemort himself than the playground crowd!"
She could not resist the temptation to kiss Remus when he joined her laughter, and regretted the impulse instantly when she saw Laurel nudge Claire.
"Since I still feel the spirit of Christmas, I'll send you and Remus ahead to the pub, while we play with Jonah for a while and catch up with you later." Laurel patted Snape's arm.
The two wizard did not even try to hide their relief when they took off across the alley towards the Leaky Cauldron.
Claire stomped her feet. "I love winter, I really do. But I am freezing my toes off." She sighed. Somehow my feet decided they want to be pregnant as well and don't fit into my warm boots anymore."
"Remus' dad taught me a simple insulation spell," announced Serene, and cast a few words at the spot where they stood. Instantly the biting cold ceased. "How many more weeks to go?"
"End of February," Claire patted the bump gently. "I can hardly wait to hold her in my arms."
"Her?" Serene frowned. "How do you know?"
"Sirius ..." Claire blushed. "Well, there is no way to make you believe I haven't seen him since September, is there? He is convinced it is a girl."
For a while they just stood there, watching Serene build a snow-wizard to Jonah's delight. He pulled this toy-snake out of Laurel's bag and let it climb the snow-wizard. Soon a small crowd of children and parents gathered.
A sturdy witch with a little girl in tow approached Claire and Serene. "This is your boy over there with the snake, isn't he?"
Laurel nodded cautiously. The fear of somebody claiming Jonah was still very much alive in her heart.
"Where can I buy a snake like that?" the witch asked. "Charlotte here is crazy for that thing!"
The girl pouted and pointed longingly at Jonah's toy.
"I am afraid, it is unique and not for sale ...," Laurel started.
"But of course it is!" Claire interfered with a smile and passed the witch a business card. "Winterstorm Inc. will introduce a new line of magical cuddly toys this spring. The snake you see is only a test model. So if your Charlotte wants to own one, visit the store in Perpetu Alley in about eight weeks."
Pleased with the answer, the witch and her daughter went back to their friends.
Laurel shook her head in admiration. "You may be a squib, my dear, but you are a business witch of the highest rank!"
Claire blushed a little, flattered by the compliment. "It is Serene's invention. But Winterstorm will gladly be her partner when it comes to producing these things on a larger scale. She'll need the money, as she seems so intent on giving up teaching now."
They wandered to the snow-wizard, and Serene smiled at them, her cheeks reddened from the chilly air and the fun she'd had with Jonah.
"You are happy, aren't you?" asked Claire.
"I am," sighed Serene. "I know it can't last, but right now I am very happy."
"Why can't it last? Now that you and Remus got it together ..."
A dark shadow passed over Serene's face when a cloud hid the wintry sun for a moment. "There is no future for us," she said very softly. "We are too different."
With an exasperated sigh Laurel shook her hard. "Stop talking nonsense! The two of you are made for each other. "
"Yeah right!" Serene's answer came more bitter than she'd intended. "He is considerate, and I am thoughtless. He is polite, and I am rude."
"You are elegant, and he is the worst dressed wizard I ever met," mocked Laurel. "So what."
"He is good ... and I am evil."
Claire gaped at her in disbelieve. "What in the world are you talking about, sweetheart? You are not evil!"
"I had a vision ..."
"About what?"
She shook her head fiercely. "No. I can't talk about."
"Well, sod your vision!" Laurel fumed with indignation at the other witch's stubbornness. "
"I did things I am not particularly proud of to get to Hogwarts."
That only earned her another frown from Claire. "Remus won't care. He loves you."
Serene gritted her teeth. "See! That's what I meant. He is so ... kind. He never made mistakes, never did anything he must be ashamed of!" She kicked the belly of the snow-wizard she'd built for Jonah.
The little boy stared at her in disbelieve. His bottom lip started to tremble and big tears filled his eyes an instant later. Serene closed her eyes in desperation.
"Oh Jonah, honey, I am so sorry."
She crouched down and tried to fix the snow-wizard. Jonah hid behind his mother's leg and frowned at her. Serene sighed.
"See, that's how I am. I destroy things. I hurt those I love." She rose and brushed the snow off her knees. "It is hard enough to accept that Remus can overlook what I did in the past. But … there is something in my future. I'll do something despicable, and the more he thinks he loves me now the more he'll hate me then. The little bit of integrity in me demands I don't let him fall into that trap."
„Still, you must tell him," insisted Claire.
At the thought of coming clear, a dull ache started to spread in Serene's stomach. "He will despise me."
Laurel snorted. "Despise you? Remus Lupin despise you? Oh sure, and pigs can fly."
"But …," Claire frowned in confusion, "pigs can fly. They are just too lazy most of the time."
Laurel shook her head wearily. "It is only a Muggle saying, Claire. And Muggle pigs don't fly, believe me." She reached for Serene's hand. "Remus Lupin will be the last wizard to despise you."
For a moment they sat in silence, then Claire tried again.
"You got it bad, sweetheart," she said softly. "I know the signs. Don't fool yourself. It won't get better once you have parted. You can't heal a blister by cutting off the toe." She smirked at Laurel. "That's a wizard saying, by the way."
"And a good one," agreed Laurel. "Listen, Serene, there is something else you should consider." She helped Jonah to climb into her lap absentmindedly. "Remember my condition when I came to Hogwarts? I could not control my powers, I set things on fire whenever I got angry or sad …" She shuddered in reminiscence.
"I remember." Serene renewed the spell on Claire's boots when she saw her friend stomp her feet to get warm. "We should get going."
They gathered up Jonah's toys and wandered through the park back to the Winterstorm town house.
"I hated my powers. They only caused pain and destruction," said Laurel before they passed through the decorated door. "But now …," she stretched out her hand and out of nothing let a small perfect ball of blue fire balance on her open palm, "it is I who controls the power, not the other way round." She looked at Serene. "To achieve this, I had to admit something to myself. My love to Severus. It gave me focus, and control." Smiling she stroked back the other witch's red hair. "It is worth a try. Allow yourself to love Remus Lupin, and maybe the visions will cease."
Serene stood in the open door while her friends helped the little boy to climb the stairs in the hall. She looked over the snow-covered park, the busy people in the street. Peace, she thought. A world in peace.
So very fragile.
She'd tell Remus, and accept his reaction, however it would turn out.
Tonight, right after the concert, she'd tell him.
* * *
"So you are going to leave us tomorrow?" asked Jerome and soaked a swab of cotton in the bowl Serene handed him.
They stood by a table in one of the straw-thatched buildings, where Jerome kept sick or injured creatures. On the table sat a very unhappy looking Augurey with a broken wing and deep scratches over its face. Obviously a big cat had got dangerously close to the bird.
Serene prepared an oatmeal poultice for the broken wing. "A friend invited us to stay at her townhouse in London for New Years Eve, to see the Muggle fireworks. And then there is Julia's concert on the 30iest, isn't it? Why don't you and Abby come with us? Claire certainly won't mind. She loves to meet new people."
Jerome shook his head and patted the scared creature's head soothingly.
"Big events like concerts are too .... strenuous for me."
She watched him as he carefully applied the warm oatmeal to the wing-joint, and saw how the creature relaxed under his ministrations.
"Is it because of the many emotions you'll catch? You managed fine in Littlejohn."
Remus' father smiled at her distractedly. "In Littlejohn I know everybody. And I know what emotions to expect. Still, it takes a lot of strength to block them off. Being surrounded by thousands of strangers on an exciting evening like New Year's Eve sounds like a nightmare to me."
Still smiling he prepared a bed of straw for the Augurey. "Creatures and animals are so much easier to deal with. Clear emotions. Fear is fear. Love is love. Hunger is hunger. People on the other hand ... are a mess."
Serene frowned and he laughed openly.
"My dear girl, just look at yourself! Just look at Rem! What do you feel for him?"
She blushed. "I ... I don't know ..."
Jerome took a seat on a bale of straw. "I don't need to be emphatic to know. It is this very human condition, a mixture of fear and longing and hunger and love. And Remus," he sighed softly, "is just as confused. You know he loves you." His words were a statement, not a question.
She nodded silently.
"He is guided by love and concentrates only on that emotion while he refuses to deal with the muddy waters that lie beyond." Jerome wiped oatmeal off his hands. "That won't do."
Serene shook her head. "I don't think you are right. Well, maybe you are right about me. But Remus ... He is so settled, so self-assured. It is almost scary how he knows what he wants from life."
The old wizard stood up and went to the window to watch his son play in the snow with the three little girls.
"Remus hates who ... what ... he is," he said quietly and his eyes conveyed the deep sorrow he felt. "He pretends to be fine, but he isn't. I am not sure if you know what being a werewolf really means. Abby and I, we have been suffocating you with facts about lycanthropy in the last days and you must forgive concerned parents who only want the best for their boy. But we …"
Serene avoided his gaze and put a light blanket over the Augurey. Then she picked up the bowl, the wooden spatula and the remaining cotton. "I better ..."
He would not let her get away that easy. "Remus loves you, Serene, and this love shines brighter than the darkness that lurches in him. Nevertheless he has to deal with it one day." He reached for her hand. "As you'll have to deal with the dark spot on your soul. Sometimes forgiving yourself can be the hardest thing."
Serene's body went rigid. "I don't know what you are talking about."
For a long moment they fought a battle of will in absolute silence. Eventually Jerome gave up.
"Anyway, ma fille, Abby and I want you to know that no matter what happens between you and Remus, you'll always be welcome at our house." He shrugged and threw last look at his patient. The Augurey slept peacefully in its straw bed. "Just one more thing. Got any visions about how long his wing will take to heal?"
Then a close snowball from little Delphine found its way through the open door and made them part of the largest snow fight Sherwood Forest had seen in years.
* * *
Oh yes, this was definitely a Winterstorm property, thought Serene when she took in the room. After their late arrival and a casual dinner in the large kitchen, Claire had led them upstairs to a lush and elegantly furnished suite with high windows and a beautiful view at the park behind Gringott's.
From beyond Diagon Alley Serene could hear the bells of one of the Muggle churches chime.
Remus lay on the bed, long limbs stretched out, arms crossed behind his head. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was not asleep. When they'd left his parent's house, Remus' mood had changed into black, as if a dark cloud was hovering over him. Serene was not sure what had caused the mood- swing, but he had hardly said a word all evening, although he had concentrated hard - and successfully where Claire was concerned - on pretending he was happy and calm.
She folded her cloak carefully, stepped out of her boots and kneeled next to him on the bed. How familiar his face had become to her ... Every line, every feature seemed to call to her, tug on her heart. Suddenly feeling very sentimental, she straddled him.
Remus' eyes flew open. In the dim light of the single candle at the nightstand his eyes appeared more amber than brown.
"Is everything alright?"
He did not answer.
Playfully Serene unbuttoned his shirt.
"Are you tired?"
Her voice was a low purr.
She gently touched his soft brown hair, his neck, his shoulders, in an awkward attempt to stroke away the tension. Slowly she felt his muscles relax under her caressing hands. The last thing she wanted was causing him more pain than she already had.
'Don't lie to yourself,' her inner voice mocked. 'If you really wanted him unharmed, you'd leave right now. You'd not stay only because you can't bear the thought of losing him.'
And still, here she was, so very close to him, trailing kisses down his neck to his collarbone, and up again to the soft spot where jaw met ear. Remus gasped softly when the tip of her tongue teased him there, and with a soft growl turned around, still holding her.
Now, laying on top, he stared down at her, burned her with his eyes. For a moment she just took in the sensation of his body covering hers completely. His skin was unusually hot, almost feverish, much like the first time they had made love.
She stretched upwards a fraction of an inch, nipping briefly on his bottom lip, begging to get kissed and with a sigh he obliged.
"I love you."
Remus' voice was only a murmur, but the words made her heart flutter. Lightly his hands cupped her face. Now it was she who closed her eyes, concentrating only on the sweet touch of his lips. His hands revelled on smooth skin, touching, teasing, claiming what was his rightfully.
A quick, laughing moan escaped her, when he tickled her and rolled over so she lay on top of him again. For a moment their eyes locked. For a moment time stood still. The kiss was pure passion. There was no room for thought, no room for reason. There was only sensation.
Remus' hands left her alone just long enough to unfasten her robes, to push off his boots. While he helped her to wriggle out of the clinging fabric, his hands glided down, from cool silk to hot skin, and deeper into warm welcoming moistness.
Breathless, Serene wrapped herself around him, held onto his shoulders for dear life.
Opened to him, eager to get closer, so close her body would meld into his.
And become one being.
She felt the hot white light explode in her very core, radiate waves of pure pleasure, and at the same time knew Remus was watching her, guarding her, always in control, attentive to her needs and oblivious to his very own. She drew his head down, cradling him against her breast in a sudden desire to own him fully, to tear the reigns that held him back. Even as a desperate moan and a last forceful thrust proved that it had needed nothing more to push him over the edge, the last barrier between them never fell.
Exquisitely exhausted, Serene snuggled into Remus' arms afterwards, and his heartbeat sang her to sleep. She sighed softly when he nuzzled his cheek against her hair, and more anticipated than heard his words, when he whispered.
"What do I have to do to make you love me?"
She bit on her tongue to stifle a sob. A lonely tear slid through her lashes and ran down her cheek. If he only knew ... If he knew that merely seeing him enter the room made her feel all warm inside ... If he only knew how his presence drove away all fear, all sadness ... If only this was a perfect world and she'd be free to answer him, to tell him that there was nothing he could do to make her love him because she already did. But since she could not tell him what he longed to hear more than anything, she pretended to be asleep.
Remus kissed her forehead ever so gently and watched his woman sleep, while the moonlight seeped through the heavy drapes.
When she woke up the next time, she knew immediately something was wrong. Her hand reached for Remus' body next to hers, but there was nothing. The sheets were cold, so he must have left their bed some time ago. She tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. Though she loathed admitting it - it was easier to relax when she heard Remus' heartbeat, felt his warm skin.
Still drowsy, she wrapped the sheet around her body as a makeshift robe and went in search of her man.
The door to the bathroom was half ajar, and when she heard water running, she almost went back to bed. But then she got a glimpse at Remus' face in the mirror. He was pale, his eyes red-rimmed, and dark stubble pronounced the hollow of his cheeks.
Worried she pushed open the door.
Remus who had been splashing cold water in his face, looked up and gave her a weary smile. "Did I wake you?"
"No." Serene pulled up the slipping sheet. "Remy, are you ill?"
He had been nervous and irritated the day before, when they travelled to London. And now he looked feverish and exhausted. And although he tried to hide his hand, she could see that his palm was lacerated with bloody cuts - as if he'd clawed his own fingernails deep into the flesh.
"I am fine," he smiled faintly. "Just had a bad dream."
In fact he had not slept at all, but had tried all night long to fight the heat that rose in him. Two more nights until the full moon, and he did not know if he could keep control and resist the urge to transform any longer. He had never been as happy as in the last few days - and he would not risk that happiness and Serene's growing trust by scaring her to death.
'You are a coward and a liar, Lupin' he accused his face in the mirror, while Serene stepped closer and let one hand run over the back of his neck. 'You are not afraid of scaring her. You are afraid of seeing the revulsion in her eyes when she became aware of what you really are.
"Want to come back to bed?" Serene kissed his shoulder, and the caress reassured him a bit.
"Want to come back to Hogwarts?" he asked softly.
She tensed immediately.
„Why is this so important to you, Remus?" she asked, somewhat exasperated. "Why can't we keep it as it is now? You could still teach in Hogwarts and we could see each other on the weekends."
Now he looked at her and for the duration of a heartbeat she got a glimpse right into his soul. The deep commitment she saw there touched and frightened her at the same time.
"It's because you are the only one," he replied quietly. "And if it doesn't work out between the two of us … there'll be nobody else. Ever."
"Remy …"
"I'll be all alone then." He went back into the bedroom, and stood by the window, naked and barefoot, and once more Serene's breath hitched in her throat at the sight of his beautiful body.
She followed him, sat on the bed and hugged her knees. "You won't be alone. You'll find another woman who can give you all you deserve. Who will love you …"
She winced when Remus' fist suddenly hit the wall and produced a visible dent in the plaster. When he turned his face was raw with emotion.
"I remember the day you were born."
Serene shook her head. "Remus, you can't possibly …"
He raised a hand. "Wait. You know I got … bitten … when I was five."
"Abby told me so, yes."
"And for almost two years they thought I would not make it. I was too small to understand the changes my body forced on me. But I dreamed the same dream ever night. There was only darkness and, Merlin, it was so cold. I was so frightened. And I screamed into the darkness, but nobody ever answered."
The five year old boy's desperation seeped through the wizard's detached voice. Serene scrambled out of bed and went to Remus, ignoring his stance.
"Not like this," she whispered and reached for his hand. "Come back to bed, love. Tell me there."
Serene settled against the pillows and drew him into her arms in a protective gesture that was uncommon for her.
"I got sicker every day. Weaker. I lost my will to live, and I was so afraid to fall asleep because I could not bear the dreams."
Serene stroked his chest and pressed a kiss on his forehead while he remembered the dark months he had spent in agony.
"But then, one night, somebody answered." He took her hand and nuzzled his cheek into her open palm. "No voice, but … I don't know. A presence …"
"But, Remy, how do you …"
"December 26th," he said calmly. "Thirty years ago. Your birthday."
Flabbergasted she looked down at him. How could this be? It had to be a ridiculous coincidence. She did not believe in this bond. She could not afford to believe in it …
"You must have felt it, too."
Remus rolled to his side so he could see her face.
"No." Serene shrugged and carefully avoided his scrutinising gaze. "I never felt … anything."
She picked up the bath robe from where she'd dropped it the evening before and rose from the bed. "We should get up. Laurel and Severus should be here by now. I smell coffee, and I am starving."
When she went into the bathroom, his eyes burned into her back, but she did not turn.
* * *
Before they entered the sunny salon where Claire had breakfast served, both Serene and Remus forced a smile onto their face.
The room was filled with wintry sunlight, and again Serene decided fondly that Claire had a special gift with colours. The light yellow of the curtains complimented the soft green carpet, and a large bouquet of Snowroses bloomed in a green earthenware bowl on the mantle.
They found Severus and Laurel sitting with Claire at an immaculately set breakfast table. The scent of freshly brewed coffee wavered through the room.
Laurel dropped the scone she had just picked from the big plate with delicious bakeries, and ran to hug Serene. Serene returned the embrace, secretly surprised how much she had missed the other woman. All her life she had prided herself on how self-sufficient she was. And now she got more and more entangled in a web of dependencies.
Remus and Severus exchanged polite nods, both pleased to see the other, both of them way to reserved to show any emotion.
Eventually Laurel let go of Serene and drew her to the table.
"Look who's there, honey! We missed her a lot, didn't we?" she cooed, and Serene frowned at her. She knew quite well that her friend loved the cold potions master from the bottom of her heart, but when had she taken to talking to him in that ridiculous way? And she severely doubted that Severus Snape had missed her as much as Laurel claimed …
A small face peeked up at her from knee-height, holding on to Snape's leg.
"Ene?"
Serene crouched, holding out her hands and felt a sting of joy when Jonah let go of his protective base and ran to her. She picked him up and planted a big kiss on his nose. "My, how you have grown!"
The boy squeaked in delight when she tickled his chin, and grabbed hold at her hair.
"He remembers me."
Her voice trembled a little when she marvelled at Jonah's laughing face. "After all those weeks, he still remembers me."
Laurel smiled and exchanged a glance with Claire, nodding slightly in Remus' direction. The wizard looked at Serene and the little boy so unhappily, Claire adverted her eyes.
"Of course he remembers you," snorted Severus, "After all you are the only red-haired witch in his life so far. And," he added with a surprisingly warm smile," you make great presents!"
He held up a toy snake, as thick as a man's arm, fashioned out of soft green and silvery velvet.
Jonah gurgled a few words in his own secret language and tapped the toy on the head. "Lytin!"
"He can't pronounce Slytherin yet," explained Snape.
Serene smiled, when Professor Flitwick's spell made the snake roll into a ball, uncurl and wind around the little boy's belly.
While Laurel, Claire and Serene joked with Jonah, Severus turned to the other wizard and studied Lupin's drawn face over the rim of his coffee mug.
"Allow me to state that you look like …"
"A werewolf by full moon. I could howl with joy." Remus' tired attempt to joke did not convince the Potions master at all.
"Are you sure you can do it without Wolfsbane? I got some in my baggage," Snape offered. "I could borrow a cauldron from Claire's kitchen and brew something for you."
"No." Remus winced when the handle of the mug cracked under his grip. "I won't take it anymore. Never again."
"Then pray tell me how you intent to get through tonight's concert? It is mostly open air, you know? And although the sky is clouded, the moon will be almost full."
Remus sighed. "I know. I'll stay under the roof. And I …" he looked at Serene who clowned around with the little boy and the toy snake. "I just have to keep my temper. Nobody will be the wiser."
Snape stared at him in sudden suspicion, and Remus busied with his breakfast.
"You did not tell her!" the Potions master hissed. "Are you crazy?"
"I can't. It is one thing to date a werewolf who is sedated by Wolfsbane. But how could I expose her to the … monster … I really am?"
Checking with a fast side-glance that the women were still busy, Severus glowered at Lupin.
"If she loves you, she won't mind."
Remus shot him a bitter smile. "Well, she doesn't. Baring my heart has not changed that. But I'll be damned if I scare her away by baring my fangs."
Snape shrugged. "Your decision, Lupin. But if you transform tonight, stay away from my family."
Laurel laid a hand on his shoulder. "Now, what about your family, Professor?"
Remus shook his head ever so lightly, and Snape shrugged again, complying Lupin's silent request. "Not my family." He took her hand, and wondered about himself briefly. How in the world had he, the deceiver, the double agent, become uncomfortable with lying? "We are talking about Draco Malfoy. Before Lucius and I … fell apart ... I was supposed to be Draco's guardian if anything ever happened to his father. But two days ago the Malfoy family lawyer informed me that Lucius changed his will."
"When you opposed Voldemort," added Laurel very softly.
"There are not many male Malfoys left, it is not a large family," said Remus, glad that Snape had found a inconspicuous subject. "I wonder who is responsible for the brat now."
"I hope Narcissa sends Draco back to Hogwarts once the Holidays are over," mused Severus and let Jonah sit on his lap and play with a muffin. "He doesn't have many friends there, but still …"
"Harry was so disappointed he was allowed to come to the concert," interfered Claire who had not really listened but had tried to pry out the reason for Serene's obvious unhappiness. Obviously her friend's mood had changed over night. One could only hope that it was only a lover's tiff but Claire suspected that something was seriously wrong between Serene and Remus, something a few romantic days could not fix.
"Harry," Serene stuttered, suddenly pale. "You brought Harry with you?"
"No, Dumbledore decided it was too dangerous for him. But he … we hoped, we'd see Sirius. With so many people around …"
Laurel gave her friend a sympathetic smile and removed with a skilled hand a piece of blueberry muffin out of Jonah's ear. "You miss him a lot, don't you? After all you have not seen Sirius for …"
"Ah, months," lied Claire and blushed a bit, thinking about Sirius who still slept in their bedroom upstairs. "Hard to bear, I give you that. It is hard for Harry, too."
"On the other hand, Dumbledore's probably right," said Snape. "A Salamander- concert is far too dangerous for the boy."
"Dangerous?" Serene sat down next to Remus and although she felt that he was angry with her, she chose to ignore his bad mood. "Your little sister Julia did not appear very dangerous to me."
Remus sighed. "Salamander is a very … outspoken band," he tried to explain.
"Outspoken!" Snape snorted. "I doubt the Ministry of Magic and you agree on this definition."
"Many people say, Salamander drives the young ones into Voldemort's hands, " pointed Claire out to Serene. "They sing about everything that's wrong in our society - and as we all know, that's quite a lot. Just remember what the Ministry did to the giants! Salamander always made it their policy to speak up about injustice and prejudice."
"No wonder the government wants to silence them." Serene nodded. "But what's all that to do with Voldemort?"
"The Death Eaters use Salamander's concerts as a hunting ground for the discontented." Severus pushed back his plate, out of Jonah's reach. "Tonight there will be dozens of them in the audience, and also dozens of Aurors. To risky a location for the boy who lived."
"I invited Cas," said Claire and refilled the coffee mugs. "You remember Sirius' brother? He is off duty until the New Year, and he told me he was a huge fan."
"Castor Black?"
Snape and Remus snorted simultaneously and Claire frowned in confusion.
"What?"
"A huge fan!" coughed Remus, and Serene beat him on the back without pity. "I bet he is!"
"Will anybody explain, for Merlin's sake?" demanded Claire.
Severus sat Jonah down on the floor and gave her one of his rare grins. "You'll see, Claire. You'll see."
* * *
Breakfast turned into lazy lunch, and after Jonah's nap the weather cleared, so they ventured outside. The snow, London had received on Christmas Day, lay still like a soft downy cover on the roofs and sidewalks of Diagon Alley. After a stroll through the alleyways, Laurel guided them to the small circular park behind Gringott's.
Here crowds of children tried out their Christmas presents, bombarded each other with snowballs, or slid down a low hill.
Jonah tugged on his father's robe excitedly and demanded to be sat into one of the swings tangling from the branch of a huge old maple.
"Well, I guess, we leave you guys here with Jonah, while we nip into Gladrags and find something to wear for tonight," said Laurel with a deadpan voice. "
Severus paled.
Remus cleared his throat. "I really don't think ...."
Serene chuckled at his obvious shock. "Now just look at that! You guys would rather face Voldemort himself than the playground crowd!"
She could not resist the temptation to kiss Remus when he joined her laughter, and regretted the impulse instantly when she saw Laurel nudge Claire.
"Since I still feel the spirit of Christmas, I'll send you and Remus ahead to the pub, while we play with Jonah for a while and catch up with you later." Laurel patted Snape's arm.
The two wizard did not even try to hide their relief when they took off across the alley towards the Leaky Cauldron.
Claire stomped her feet. "I love winter, I really do. But I am freezing my toes off." She sighed. Somehow my feet decided they want to be pregnant as well and don't fit into my warm boots anymore."
"Remus' dad taught me a simple insulation spell," announced Serene, and cast a few words at the spot where they stood. Instantly the biting cold ceased. "How many more weeks to go?"
"End of February," Claire patted the bump gently. "I can hardly wait to hold her in my arms."
"Her?" Serene frowned. "How do you know?"
"Sirius ..." Claire blushed. "Well, there is no way to make you believe I haven't seen him since September, is there? He is convinced it is a girl."
For a while they just stood there, watching Serene build a snow-wizard to Jonah's delight. He pulled this toy-snake out of Laurel's bag and let it climb the snow-wizard. Soon a small crowd of children and parents gathered.
A sturdy witch with a little girl in tow approached Claire and Serene. "This is your boy over there with the snake, isn't he?"
Laurel nodded cautiously. The fear of somebody claiming Jonah was still very much alive in her heart.
"Where can I buy a snake like that?" the witch asked. "Charlotte here is crazy for that thing!"
The girl pouted and pointed longingly at Jonah's toy.
"I am afraid, it is unique and not for sale ...," Laurel started.
"But of course it is!" Claire interfered with a smile and passed the witch a business card. "Winterstorm Inc. will introduce a new line of magical cuddly toys this spring. The snake you see is only a test model. So if your Charlotte wants to own one, visit the store in Perpetu Alley in about eight weeks."
Pleased with the answer, the witch and her daughter went back to their friends.
Laurel shook her head in admiration. "You may be a squib, my dear, but you are a business witch of the highest rank!"
Claire blushed a little, flattered by the compliment. "It is Serene's invention. But Winterstorm will gladly be her partner when it comes to producing these things on a larger scale. She'll need the money, as she seems so intent on giving up teaching now."
They wandered to the snow-wizard, and Serene smiled at them, her cheeks reddened from the chilly air and the fun she'd had with Jonah.
"You are happy, aren't you?" asked Claire.
"I am," sighed Serene. "I know it can't last, but right now I am very happy."
"Why can't it last? Now that you and Remus got it together ..."
A dark shadow passed over Serene's face when a cloud hid the wintry sun for a moment. "There is no future for us," she said very softly. "We are too different."
With an exasperated sigh Laurel shook her hard. "Stop talking nonsense! The two of you are made for each other. "
"Yeah right!" Serene's answer came more bitter than she'd intended. "He is considerate, and I am thoughtless. He is polite, and I am rude."
"You are elegant, and he is the worst dressed wizard I ever met," mocked Laurel. "So what."
"He is good ... and I am evil."
Claire gaped at her in disbelieve. "What in the world are you talking about, sweetheart? You are not evil!"
"I had a vision ..."
"About what?"
She shook her head fiercely. "No. I can't talk about."
"Well, sod your vision!" Laurel fumed with indignation at the other witch's stubbornness. "
"I did things I am not particularly proud of to get to Hogwarts."
That only earned her another frown from Claire. "Remus won't care. He loves you."
Serene gritted her teeth. "See! That's what I meant. He is so ... kind. He never made mistakes, never did anything he must be ashamed of!" She kicked the belly of the snow-wizard she'd built for Jonah.
The little boy stared at her in disbelieve. His bottom lip started to tremble and big tears filled his eyes an instant later. Serene closed her eyes in desperation.
"Oh Jonah, honey, I am so sorry."
She crouched down and tried to fix the snow-wizard. Jonah hid behind his mother's leg and frowned at her. Serene sighed.
"See, that's how I am. I destroy things. I hurt those I love." She rose and brushed the snow off her knees. "It is hard enough to accept that Remus can overlook what I did in the past. But … there is something in my future. I'll do something despicable, and the more he thinks he loves me now the more he'll hate me then. The little bit of integrity in me demands I don't let him fall into that trap."
„Still, you must tell him," insisted Claire.
At the thought of coming clear, a dull ache started to spread in Serene's stomach. "He will despise me."
Laurel snorted. "Despise you? Remus Lupin despise you? Oh sure, and pigs can fly."
"But …," Claire frowned in confusion, "pigs can fly. They are just too lazy most of the time."
Laurel shook her head wearily. "It is only a Muggle saying, Claire. And Muggle pigs don't fly, believe me." She reached for Serene's hand. "Remus Lupin will be the last wizard to despise you."
For a moment they sat in silence, then Claire tried again.
"You got it bad, sweetheart," she said softly. "I know the signs. Don't fool yourself. It won't get better once you have parted. You can't heal a blister by cutting off the toe." She smirked at Laurel. "That's a wizard saying, by the way."
"And a good one," agreed Laurel. "Listen, Serene, there is something else you should consider." She helped Jonah to climb into her lap absentmindedly. "Remember my condition when I came to Hogwarts? I could not control my powers, I set things on fire whenever I got angry or sad …" She shuddered in reminiscence.
"I remember." Serene renewed the spell on Claire's boots when she saw her friend stomp her feet to get warm. "We should get going."
They gathered up Jonah's toys and wandered through the park back to the Winterstorm town house.
"I hated my powers. They only caused pain and destruction," said Laurel before they passed through the decorated door. "But now …," she stretched out her hand and out of nothing let a small perfect ball of blue fire balance on her open palm, "it is I who controls the power, not the other way round." She looked at Serene. "To achieve this, I had to admit something to myself. My love to Severus. It gave me focus, and control." Smiling she stroked back the other witch's red hair. "It is worth a try. Allow yourself to love Remus Lupin, and maybe the visions will cease."
Serene stood in the open door while her friends helped the little boy to climb the stairs in the hall. She looked over the snow-covered park, the busy people in the street. Peace, she thought. A world in peace.
So very fragile.
She'd tell Remus, and accept his reaction, however it would turn out.
Tonight, right after the concert, she'd tell him.
* * *