A/N: Alrighty folks, someone gets their arms and legs chopped off. After writing this chapter I considered changing the rating to PG-13. But considering MP's Holy Grail is rated PG, I think we're OK.

The wraiths set out at the crack of dusk. They had no idea where the ring was, but they assumed it would not be in Mordor because then Sauron would know where it was.
"Perhaps it slipped down his bath-drain?" Julie mused as they rode.
"Shut up," Brett commanded. "But still," he said. "We have no idea where it is."
Just then they heard a tormented cry from over the fields.
"PRECIOUSSSSSS! OH where are you my precious? Where are you my beautiful ring-that-glows-in-elvish-dialect-when-thrown-into-fire? Precioussss!"
Brett motioned for his wraiths to hurry up. "Right! Let us find this creature and see what it can tell us."
The black riders spurred their seeds onward until they came upon a green, gangly creature that hobbled on two legs. It screamed angrily when they surrounded it.
"Greetings, green one!" Brett called out. The thing snarled up at him.
"Leeeeave me be!" it hissed.
"Er... sorry, we can't." Brett closed the circle around him. "We're searcing for the One Ring, which-"
"Oh, Precioussss!" the thing cried and buried its head in its hands. "Smeagol wails for Precious, Smeagol laments..."
"Yes yes, that's nice," Brett said impatiently. "We are the Ringwraiths and you seem to know something about the One Ring. You will tell us."
"No!" the creature spat.
Brett sighed. "I'm sorry, but you shall have to tell us or we'll torture you."
Smeagol looked quite perturbed at this. Panicking, he tried to leap between Katy and Danny. Katy, who was quick with a sword, sliced his arm off and he fell backward.
"Ah HA!" Brett said as blood poured from Smeagol's stump of an arm. But he stopped laughing when he saw the thing was grinning.
"Now that you've been de-limbed will you not tell us where the ring is?"
"De-limbed, he says, Precious..." the creature purred. "But it's only a scratch!"
"Only a scratch?" Brett said incredulously. "Your arm's off!"
"Ha HA!" Smeagol said. "It'ss right here! Come on, you panssssy!"
Brett dismounted and walked up to Smeagol, sword ready. Smeagol leapt from foot to foot, his remaining hand balled to a fist. Brett looked around at the other wraiths, who shrugged. In one clean swipe the creature's other arm lay on the ground.
"Victory is ours," Brett smirked as he turned to walk back to his place. But he got a very nasty kick in the backside as he did.
"Come on! Let'ss have at it!"
Brett turned to see Smeagol standing before him, teeth bared.
"Look, you've got no arms left. The fight is mine."
"Just a flesssh wound!" As Smeagol said this he rushed at Brett, and this time Matthew reached in and cut off both of the thing's legs.
"Alright..." Smeagol pushed himself onto the bloody stumps with a quick neck movement. "It'sss a draw. I will tell you about My Precious if you promise to bring her back to me."
Brett studied Smeagol. "You're in no shape to negotiate."
"I'll bleed on you!"
"Alright alright," Brett said. "It's a draw."
Brett bowed, and Danny could see the hand behind his back had two fingers crossed.
"Baggins!" Smeagol said in a high wail, startling them all. "Shire!" Then he stopped, sniffed the air, and looked off in the distance. Danny looked and could see a rider in gray on the ridge above them. "Brett, look!"
Brett turned. "We can leave this creature where it is! We must follow the rider!"
"But..." Gollum hissed, inching his way up to Brett. "You said you would-"
In answer, Brett the First held up his hand to show two crossed fingers. Gollum cried out, and Danny saw the gray rider flee. Brett looked up as well, then sped up the hill. Gollum shouted after him.
"Afraid of my wrath, you tricky black-robed thing? I'll bite your legssss off!"
Danny shook his head and followed the others.