A/N: Contrary to the suspicions of some, this story was created while completely sober. No coffee, no sugar but brownies (the regular kind), and I've never tried drugs in my life (lol, thanks for the review Pheonix). So's you all know... THIS is what it's like to be in the mind of me. Mind you, this is at it's scariest. But still...

It was not long before the Ringwraiths reached the Shire. The place being far too cheerful for any of their likings, they decided to send only one of their number to find this "Shire Baggins."
Julie stepped bravely forth. "I will go, Brett the First!"
Brett looked at her. "No."
"What about me, Brett?" Katy asked.
"Well er... we need your sword skills here."
Lori took Katy's place. "Shall I go...?"
"I've just decided!" Brett interrupted, "That Danny shall be the one to search for the Shire Baggins!" Brett clapped Danny on the shoulder, smiling. "Off with you now!"
As Brett commanded, Danny went on into the dangerously happy land. Though he had enough rage and torment to make the giddy things shrink away from him, it was all very draining. He decided to ask a local for some help. Unfortunately, the hiccups were stronger than ever.
"Shire..." he managed to get out one night to one of the short folk. "(SCREECH!) Baggins!"
The stuttering creature directed him to Bag End, then slammed the door in his face. Danny wondered if there was tea inside.
"Ah well, I'd best be off."

* * *

"It's not fair, you know. Simply because I'm the new guy I'm sent on the errand nobody wants."
Danny grumped and griped as he rode along the path. Then something on the wind caught his ears. A faint singing... he rode onward, listening closely. At last he could make out the words from around the road-bend:

Bravely Master Frodo, rode forth from his Bag End.
He was not afraid to die, O Brave Frodo.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, Master Frodo!
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken.
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Master Frodo!
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils taped and his bottom burned off,
And his...

"Sam, I think that's enough!" another voice gasped. The wind then picked up, and the same voice yelled: "GET OFF THE ROAD!!!"
From where he stood, Danny could hear the creatures stumble and grunt as they crashed through the undergrowth.
"Ow! Pippin, get off of my knees!"
"Well only if you'll take your foot out of my face!"
Danny rode cautiously forward. He could see four short creatures all trying to hide beneath a gangly root. They spoke in loud whispers, until one shushed the others so loudly that the birds startled.
Danny dismounted his seed and walked up to the creatures. As he grew nearer, a terrible smell overtook his nostrils. He fell forward and grasped the root to keep himself from collapsing out of shock. Apparently the bugs living by this root had noticed as well, for they scurried quickly away.
Just then Danny hiccupped, perhaps saving himself from losing all sense and collapsing from the stench. He turned and fled, riding away from the foul things.

* * *

"Well, that was close," Merry said, brushing himself off as they continued down the road.
"Indeed. What do you think all that sniffing was about?" Sam asked.
Pippin shrugged and let out a belch. The three of them noticed Frodo was not walking in line anymore. They turned to see him staring down the road again.
"Frodo?" Sam asked, quickly at his friend's side. "What's the matter?"
"Shh!" Frodo put a finger to his lips and listened. Just as he suspected; another gust of wind was on its way.
"Right. We've got to get off the road."
"Not again," Pippin moaned, and they stumbled over the brambles into some tall grass.