12. NO CURE FOR LOVE
When Sirius pushed Serene into the room at the end of one of St. Mungo's bleak white corridors, her elbow felt like mush. The tall wizard held her in a merciless grip, and she had long since given up on trying to struggle out of it.
The room was small and crowded. In shock Serene recognised Laurel, Severus and Claire, Dumbledore and on the other side of the bed Abby and Jerome Lupin. Every face stared at her accusingly, with much more resentment than was deserved for running away without notice, she thought.
Then Severus stepped aside, and she saw that the bed was occupied. The body was covered with blankets and a duvet up to the chin. A hand lay on top of the white linen sheet, wrist shackled to the iron frame of the bed. Long, sensitive fingers. A hand she'd recognise by mere touch ...
"Remy ...," she whispered.
Sirius gave her a hard push that sent her stumbling to the bed. She heard Claire protest softly, saw Laurel step forward protectively, but everything around her paled when her eyes took in the face that had hunted her dreams since she'd left Claire's house by night almost three months ago.
At first glance she thought he was dead. His face was almost translucent white, with deep dark shadows defining the angles and hollows of the skull. His lips were encrusted with tried blood. Only when she watched carefully she could see his chest raise and fall slightly, so she knew he was breathing still.
Pain slammed into her like a vicious bullet, as if the dull shell of sadness and hopelessness that had encased her during the last weeks had suddenly cracked and left her defenceless, her heart bare to the onslaught of emotion.
"What happened to him," she whispered and reached out to touch his cheek ever so gently.
"You happened to him!" Sirius' hissed at her. "And look were that brought him!"
"Calm down, love," Claire stepped between her husband and her friend, and touched the wizard's hand. "Don't let your pain render you blind."
Serene touched Remus' face ever so gently. The skin felt dry and cool, much cooler than it ought to be.
"What happened?" she repeated, this time addressing the doctor.
"Mr. Lupin apparently took a potion that is known on the black market as 'Tabula rasa' ..."
She frowned. "Tabula rasa? Blank slate?"
"It claims to be a cure against lycanthropy."
"But ..." She swallowed hard and stared down at Remus' pale face. "But Remus always said there was no cure ..."
The doctor shook his head unhappily. "Now, TR is indeed a cure - only a lethal one. The potion does what it is supposed to do - burn out the lycanthropy virus. We know that lycanthropy is a violent infection that causes the recall of much older, primal features. The human body fights the change with all its strength. That's why many of those who get bitten don't survive the bite in the first place. TR neutralises the virus."
"What the inventor of this potion did not consider," added Severus, his voice betraying neither scorn nor pity, "is that the body, once adapted to the infection, won't be able to survive without it."
Serene stared wide-eyed at Dr. Jung. "You mean, he is healed but he is ... dying?"
"I am afraid so."
Gingerly she lifted the blanket off Remus' chest. He had lost so much weight that his rips and collarbones stood out like sharp edges. The old scar of the bite that spread star-like on his shoulder blended with the death-pale skin. He was not dead, not yet, and still he looked no more alive than a marble statue.
"Claire!" Over the unconscious wizard's body she looked at her friend. "Can't you do anything? You are a healer!"
Claire slowly shook her head and reached for Serene's hand. "A broken wrist, maybe, or a twisted ankle. Cuts and bruises, yes. But this? I am so sorry, Serene, but this is way beyond my abilities."
"There is one remedy ..." Dr. Jung started slowly, addressing Remus' parents. "Since his body can't survive without the lycanthropy virus ..."
"You must re-infect him." Sirius' conclusion hung in the air like a dark cloud.
"There is a werewolf in the hospital's staff who'd agree to administer the bite," explained the doctor. "But as you'll know, the code of conduct provides capital punishment for a werewolf who bites without explicit permission. Since Professor Lupin can not speak for himself, my colleague will need the permission of the victim's next of kin."
"No."
Abby Lupin's voice sounded strangely strangled. "I won't let this happen to him. No ... not again."
Dr. Jung frowned. "Mrs. Lupin, are you aware that your son will die within days if he does not get re-infected?"
Wide-eyed the older woman stared at the doctor. Her hands griped the iron rail of Remus' bed. "I know that."
"Abby, please!"
Serene's eyes widened in disbelieve. "He is going to ..."
"No!"
Remus' mother turned away from the small group gathered around what would be her son's death bed. Helpless sobs shook the petite woman, but she insisted on her decision.
"He hated to be a werewolf. He despised that part of himself so much he wanted to burn it out of his being by taking that potion. And as you say," she jerked her shoulder away from Dr. Jung's comforting touch, "he was well aware of the possible consequences. I respect his decision."
"Mr. Lupin, you can't possibly ..." Sirius felt like shaking the woman really hard to make her see reason but his wife's soft nudge convinced him otherwise. "You can't let him die!"
Jerome's voice was fraught with pain, when he stepped between his wife and his son's best friend. The onslaught of emotions from so many sides made him nauseous and dizzy, but he stood his ground. "Abby is right. We have to respect Remus' decision. He wanted to end his suffering. We have no right to force him to endure it further."
"Don't you understand? He is going to die!" Sirius shook his head.
"But he'll die as a man, as a normal human being. He'll die the way he always wanted to live." Abby whispered, and brushed her son's forehead with a soft kiss. "I won't take that away from him. Not if all I can offer him in return is the continuation of an existence he despised."
Sirius looked at Dumbledore, but the old wizard only shook his head.
Serene stood by the door, thunderstruck. When Dr. Jung explained the possible remedy, hope had surged almost painfully - only to be smashed by the Lupin's refusal to give their consent.
Slowly comprehension crept icily into her heart. Remus would die. He would die. He would not only be somewhere else, separated from her. He'd be gone. Why in the world had he taken this damned cure? He'd always seemed so settled, so at peace with his double nature. Then she remembered the look on his face in the dreadful night after the concert. The self-loathing in his eyes, when he could not control the urge to turn anymore.
Then she knew.
Her fault. Again.
He had not tried to get rid of the lycanthropy, but of his love to her, a love that had brought him nothing but pain.
Blind with tears she saw the female doctor whisper into Dr Jung's ear. He nodded, shot her a curious side-glance and left the room, only to return a few minutes later with an older wizard, hair greying at the temples but still devastatingly handsome..
"Could we talk to you in private for a minute, Miss Kennedy? And may I request your presence, Headmaster Dumbledore?"
At the end of the hall was a small room with a few battered chairs and a magical coffee cauldron.
Serene sat down tiredly. The day had been bad, really bad. She was impatient to get back into Remus' room though. If she was to lose him, she wanted to savour every minute they had left.
"Let me introduce you our resident Werewolf-specialist, Dr Matilykos," started Dr. Jung awkwardly after serving them paper-cups with something that only resembled coffee. "Miss Kennedy, my colleague Dr Willowbark remembers Mr Lupin bringing you into the emergency tend after the attack on King's Cross. Is that correct?"
She nodded.
"She claims you suffered from a severe bout of depression, much worse than what is to be expected even after a close encounter with a Dementor."
"I could not stop crying, yes."
"Dr. Willowbark remembers Mr. Lupin claiming that your condition were his fault and that he'd failed you."
Serene blinked. "His fault? No, he ... I ran away ... I ..."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and looked at the young witch who sat next to him. "Serene?"
She frowned and rubbed her burning eyes with the back of her hand. "Remy had nothing to do with my condition. But I don't see what ..."
Dr Jung rose a hand. "Let me explain. The Werewolf code of conduct states that a werewolf may administer the bite only with the consent of his next of kin or spouse of the person, even in immediate danger for the life of a person."
Tears welled up in her eyes and her voice trembled precariously, when she answered. "I understood that, yes."
Dr Jung exchanged a glance with the older wizard who stood by the window and watched Serene out of dark green eyes. He answered the questioning look with a slight inclination of his head.
"Still, there is a not so well known clause in the code, that has been brought into action only once or twice within the last century."
"It states, that a werewolf may also bite another werewolf with the consent of a lifemate," explained the other wizard. His voice was mesmerising, a dark low melody, with a slight trace of a foreign accent. "Since the death of a werewolf will cause severe consequences for the lifemate."
Serene looked up. "How do you know so much about all that?" she asked, still blinking back the tears.
Instead of an answer Dr Jung let his hand slide into the other wizard's.
"Oh," said Serene and stared at them in astonishment.
"Is this a problem for you, Miss Kennedy?" The young doctor's face grew even more earnest than it had been before.
"Did you get the impression there was too much love in the world?" Dr Matilykos sneered. "Because if it were so, we could easily dispense with certain forms of love. But since the world is in the sorry state it is, love is the most precious gift. Any kind of love."
"No, no," she blushed. "I was only surprised ... I thought I was the only one who ... loved ... a werewolf. I am sorry."
He accepted her apology with a gracious nod.
Serene swallowed and looked from Dr Jung to his werewolf companion. "What you said before about a lifemate giving consent ..."
"The problem, Miss Kennedy, is that you are nowhere officially enrolled as Mr Lupin's lifemate."
"Officially enrolled?" she frowned.
"The Department of Werewolf Affairs takes these things very serious. Lifemates have to register, so in case of their death the Ministry can take precautions to keep the werewolf from going wild. And there have been occasions of lifemates running amok when their partner got ..." Dr Jung's voice broke and Dr Matilykos stroked his hair soothingly.
"When the werewolf gets killed," the older doctor finished the sentence. "You must not forget that in some parts of Europe werewolves still may be shot at sight. That's why the Ministry likes to have an eye on were- relationships."
Dumbledore rose from his chair and went to the coffee-cauldron to refill his cup, not without casting a quick spell over the brew. "Correct me if I got this wrong: If Miss Kennedy was enrolled as a lifemate, her consent would overrule the parent's decision?"
Dr Matilykos nodded solemnly. "That's right. The question is now: Are you Mr Lupin's lifemate?" He sat down next to her and scrutinised her face. "And if you are, how can we prove it to the Department?"
Serene stared at the Formica table. Her mind raced. In the darkness a small gap had opened and let in light. Saving Remy ... Saving Remy ... She could not grasp another thought. Then comprehension slowly dawned. Was she a lifemate? She, who had always refused to acknowledge the bond between them? Who had pushed him back again and again, had hurt him, had even made him turn?
"Miss Kennedy?" Dr Jung tried to get her attention. "Let me describe how I imagine things went in you case. You only need to give me a sign, if I am correct."
She looked up and nodded.
"You are aware of a connection between Mr Lupin and you. The attraction is very strong, not only physically but also spiritually. But you fought it all the way, because you are afraid to commit yourself to such an intense bond."
She bowed her head, and Dumbledore reached for her hand.
"But when you were separated," the doctor went on, "you started to feel unhappy. Very ... unhappy. As if part of your heart and soul were missing."
A painful sob escaped Serene's throat. "How do you know?"
"I have been there," he answered with a faint smile and looked at his mate.
Dr. Matilykos cleared his throat. "I dare to say that Mr. Lupin suffered the same pains. You must understand, that due to his nature a werewolf needs three things. He needs a pack. Most werewolves have a close knit circle of friends."
"The Marauders," Dumbledore muttered to himself.
"They need a territory, but most of all they need a lifemate. To make up for the terrible loss of humanity they suffer, their wolf-part gives them the ability to find their lifemate even if they are continents apart." His gaze held the younger doctor's for a second, then he looked at Serene. "A reason why so few children survive a bite, is that when you are very young, the possibility is quite high that your lifemate is not born yet. And the horror of facing the world all alone is more than most children's soul could endure."
Serene crumbled the empty papercup. "Remy insists he knew the exact moment when I was born."
"I bet he really did. But you never felt his presence? There was never the feeling that somebody was waiting for you out there?"
"I ... don't know." She shook her head wearily. "There were ... dreams. Then we met and it was as if I had always known him. And when I left him there was nothing but that dark abyss of sadness."
Dr Matilykos cleared his throat. "We must not conceal from you, that these symptoms will become worse once you admit being his mate to yourself. Once you open your soul to the bond, it gets irrevocable. And it is quite a force."
"So what happens if Remus gets re-infected ... and dies?" Dumbledore sat up straight, his face unhappy and showing his true age. "What will happen to Serene in that case?"
Dr Jung sighed. "He is already very weak. We can't give you any guarantees that his body will endure new infection with lycanthropy. The fact he was taking this potion at all is a strong indication that he has no will to live. He is not going to fight, I am afraid."
"And this means for Miss Kennedy?" Dumbledore insisted.
"I don't care what it means for me," Serene cut him off impatiently. "If this can save Remus' life ..."
"It can save him. In fact it is the only way I see." Dr Jung tried to calm her. "But there is indeed a considerable risk he may die - and then you'll probably die with him, the connection being so fresh and all."
"But if he does not get re-infected very soon, he'll die for sure." Dr Matilykos looked straight at Dumbledore. "I don't see what difference it makes."
"If she remains in denial, his death won't cause as much pain as it would to his declared lifemate." The Headmaster stroked his beard, then he nodded at the two wizards "Please allow me a few minutes with Miss Kennedy."
In the door Dr Matilykos turned to Serene a last time. "You must decide fast. Tomorrow is the full moon, and Professor Lupin won't survive another month. If you decide in favour of the bite, I'll administer it myself, if you trust me that much."
His eyes got soft. "I know you don't want him hurt." Dropping the formal address, he gave her a kind smile. "But he is in agony already, Serene The bite will hurt much less than the damned 'cure' he took."
They left, and Dumbledore took both of Serene's hands.
"What are you going to do, my girl?" he asked softly. "All the time you worried about saving the world. And now it all comes down to saving one wizard."
Serene fell apart in his arms, sobbing helplessly. Dumbledore let her cry, patted her back now and then, and only when she had wept a big wet spot into his shoulder, he passed her a handkerchief.
"I guess I know your decision already," he said, and the kindness in his voice triggered another flood of tears. "I only want to make sure you are aware of the consequences."
"Remus will live." Serene stated it plainly.
"Indeed. But it will also mean that you are tied to him. Forever. No more running away. And he'll want to live in Hogwarts. It is his territory, after all. How are you going to manage?"
"I will," she twisted the handkerchief. "I'll keep away from Harry Potter and the school. I could live in Hogsmeade, I assume. If only he survives."
"In that case," said the Headmaster and rose with a sigh, "let's not lose any time. From what I know, the Ministry will have a pile of papers waiting to be signed before they let you enrol in the Werewolf Registry."
As it turned out, the Ministry did not only demand stacks of parchment to be filled in and double stamped, but also three witnesses who would state that Remus had considered Serene his lifemate.
"Wouldn't do to tie a wizard to a witch while he is unconscious and can't do anything about it," grumbled the wizard from the Ministry. "Poor sod wakes up and is married. Worse than married, since there is no divorce for lifemate-bonds." He sharpened his quill at the desk in the hospital office where he had set up shop.
Serene frowned at him. "How am I to produce three witnesses at such short notice?"
The clerk shrugged and pushed up his oversleeves. "That's not my problem, Miss. But no witnesses, no certificate."
Dumbledore stepped forward and took the one drop of Veritaserum the Ministry's regulations demanded. "I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and so on and so on. I shall act as a witness for Miss Kennedy. Remus Lupin has mentioned his connection to her many times."
The clerk scribbled down his statement and let him sign at the bottom, the he looked up. "Anyone else?"
Claire watched Serene's face and her eyes filled with tears of pity. Sirius waited outside in the hall, fuming at the injustice that he could do nothing for Remus. After all, the Ministry would not acknowledge the testimony of infamous Sirius Black, escapee from Azkaban ...
While Claire searched for a clean handkerchief for her friend, Laurel proceeded to the desk. "My name is Laurel Hunter, I am a teacher and colleague of Professor Lupin's. He told me only a few weeks ago that Miss Kennedy was his lifemate."
"Should have kept to the official order of procedures then. First tell the department, then tell your friends," muttered the clerk, but at Snape's scowl he dutifully penned down Laurel's words.
"We need a third one," he decreed, when she had signed the parchment. "And it better not be another Hogwarts staff member!"
The door to the hospital office opened, and Abby and Jerome Lupin entered, both pale and with dark rings under their eyes. Serene looked at them, her bottom lip trembling with the effort to remain calm and not break down crying.
"One of the nurses told us what you have in mind," said Abby in a tone so accusingly it cut right into Serene's heart. "How dare you! How dare you to ..."
"Abby," said Jerome soothingly and stroked the back of her hand. "Cherie, we agreed we'd listen, didn't we?"
He looked at Serene, who gripped the edge of the desk so hard her knuckles went white. "Ma fille, would you step outside with us for a moment?"
She followed the couple into the hallway.
Abby sobbed helplessly, and all Serene could do was passing her the handkerchief Claire had pressed in her hand a minute before.
"You have no right to do this to him," Remus' mother uttered when she could speak again.
"I love him," said Serene quietly. "I respect your point of view, Abby, but I can't let him die. I simply can't."
"You love him? Ha!" exclaimed Abby. "That's easily enough to say. But you have no idea what it means if he gets infected again. To watch him thrash in agony, night after night. To feel his body burn with fever and to know you can't do anything about it. To hear him scream ..." Her voice broke and Jerome pulled her into his arms.
Serene pressed a hand against her mouth in desperation. "But I will know, Abby," she said softly, trying not to cry. "I will be with him, every step of the way, just like you were with him when he got bitten the first time." Gingerly she touched the weeping woman's back. "But I can't do it without your help. You know so much more about lycanthropy than even the doctors here. And," her voice trembled when Abby looked at her through tear-filled eyes, "you love Remy."
"Cherie, she is right." Jerome patted his wife's back. "All the stuff you found out when he was a child will still apply ..."
Slowly Abby's sobs subsided. She looked up at her husband. "I kept a diary then, didn't I Jerome? About all the herbs that proved useful."
He inclined his head and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "They helped him then, they will help him now, I am sure."
Abby emerged from his embrace. Shyly she touched Serene's cheek. "I'll let you have my recipe book and my collection of herbs. And I'll teach you to cook chicken stew," she whispered, her voice still raw with tears. "Just ... don't leave him again."
"I won't. I promise I won't leave him." Serene breathed out a long breath of relieve. It would be incredibly hard anyway to save Remus' life, but she doubted it could be done at all without the Lupin's help.
"I hate hospitals. I hate the smell of them," she said softly, suddenly shivering in the overheated hall. "I spent too much time in whitewashed halls. I hate them." She looked so much the forlorn child that Jerome impulsively put an arm around her shoulder.
"Then we should take care that you and our boy get to leave this place as soon as possible."
Serene gave him a sad smile. "I still need a third witness. Or would you give your consent now that we ..."
Abby turned away from her pleading look. "No." Her voice was hard. "He would not want to live on without a lifemate. I could not do that to him. If you really are his lifemate as you claim, then you'll do everything to save him and make him happy. But if this is just a game, some plot that will result in even more pain and desperation, I'd rather let my son die like he wanted."
"Still, there is something I can do for you, Serene," said Jerome and gently took both women's hand. "When Remus brought you to our house before Christmas, he told me you were his lifemate." He squeezed Abby's hand. "He was going to tell you, Cherie, as soon as he had Serene's assent."
His glance warned Serene to protest. "So if you'll have me, ma fille, I will act as your third witness."
After the wizard had grumpily accepted Remus' father as the last witness and had sealed the documents with a lump of magical wax, all they could do was wait. When Serene entered the small waiting area adjoining the isolation ward, her tired eyes took in the small crowd that waited for the Ministry's answer almost as anxiously as she. The Lupins sat on a threadbare sofa in a corner, while Julia crouched in front of her parents, holding their hands and trying to comfort them.
Snape perched on the arm of a lopsided stuffed chair, one hand lightly on Laurel's shoulder, a casual but strong anchor. Suddenly Serene felt how a wave of envy almost suffocated her. Why couldn't she be more like Laurel? How did her friend do it, how did she handle this difficult, headstrong wizard and still hold on to her own personality? Then she remembered Laurel's words. Hard work, she'd said. It needed hard work to be happily in love.
If only Remy survived. If only the fates grated her one more chance she'd work her butt off, Serene vowed silently.
In the corner to her right Sirius towered over a chair, with his usual protective air . And Claire, bent down over a bundle on her knees .
Serene moaned.
"Oh Claire, I am so sorry!" She kneeled down next to her friend, eyes wide with guilt. "I was so immersed in my own problems that I completely forgot about you!"
The other woman smiled. "Honey, do you really think I'd hold that against you? The wizard you love .", she caught Serene's hand and squeezed it gently. "You love him! Protest is futile. It is obvious for everybody to see." Except for Sirius, she thought, but he was blind with worry about his best friend.
Serene bowed her head in silent submission. "You are right."
The bundle stirred and when Claire lifted the edge of the blanket, the baby's face split with a big yawn. "She is such a good girl," praised the proud mother. "She smiles and she sleeps."
Softly touching the baby's cheek, still warm from sleep, Serene stared at the small face. "She is beautiful," she whispered after a while. "How old is she?"
"Three days," Sirius informed her, his voice gentle with wonder, as always when he talked about his daughter. "Her name is Rose."
"Rose", Serene repeated softly.
"Remus is to be her godfather." Claire held out the baby for her to take, ignoring Sirius muttered protest.
Serene blushed. "I am going to drop her."
"Nonsense!" Claire nudged Sirius' ribs harder than necessary. "You are good with children. I saw you with Jonah."
"Thank you for being here." Serene avoided her friend's gaze and concentrated on Rose's sweet face and the tiny mouth that formed a perfect "O". "Remus would appreciate it very much."
"Remus?" Claire frowned and a jerk of her head called Laurel to her side. "Stupid girl, we are here for you."
"We care a lot for Remus, don't get us wrong." Laurel stroked red tresses out of Serene's tired face. "But we are your friends. We love you. We would not let you stand alone in a situation like this." She swallowed hard. No matter how it ends."
Serene quickly passed Rose back to Claire, and wiped the tears out of her eyes with the back of her hands.
"Thank you," she mumbled shyly. The she ran out of the room.
Sirius stared after her, a frown on his face.
"She is nuts," he scowled. "I said it before and I say it now."
Claire turned and put the baby in his arms. "She loves Remus, and she is afraid she'll lose him, you big oaf!" she hissed. "Try to remember how that feels."
Then she followed Laurel, who was out of the door already. Sirius looked helplessly at Snape.
"Girlfriends," the Potions master shrugged. "I'd sooner face a Hungarian Horntail."
* * *
It took almost a full day for the paperwork to clear, and when an express owl brought the certificate that gave Serene the permission to decide about Remus' treatment, night had already fallen and the moon stood bright and full over the hospital.
Dr Jung took the certificate out of Serene's trembling hands. "I'll go and inform Pavlos that we can proceed." He scrutinised her face. "Do you want a few minutes alone with Mr Lupin before ... before ...."
Serene's eyes were unnaturally bright. "Yes, I would like that very much."
Dr Jung whispered a few words into the waiting people around Remus' bed and everybody left the room, patting Serene's shoulder, stroking her cheek, giving her a comforting hug, when they passed her.
Suddenly the room was empty. There was nobody but her and the silent pale man on the bed.
She sat down carefully at his side and took one of his cold hands into hers. His face was as white as the pillow, and his breath came so shallow she could hardly say whether he breathed at all.
"Remy ..."
She did not know what to say. Where there any words to convey how she felt? And would it make a difference if she said all that, now that he could not hear it anymore?
"Remy," she tried again, "they can't tell me if you'll survive this treatment. Maybe I did the wrong thing. Maybe this is only causing you even more pain. But I could not decide any other way."
Raising his cold hand to her mouth, she kissed the slow pulse on his wrist.
"I love you."
There. She'd said it. And the comprehension that this had been all he'd ever wanted to hear her say, cut through her like a blade.
"I love you. I don't know if you survive. I don't know if I find the courage to ever say it again when you are awake. But I wanted you to know it."
If this were a movie or a romance novel, Serene thought while she sat there, holding his hand, waiting for the inevitable, he'd wake up now. And we'd live happily ever after.
She bowed down and gently nuzzled her cheek to his, and remained so until a soft knock at the door made her sit up sighing.
Dr Matilykos entered with the younger doctor in tow. His eyes had changed from the peaceful forest green to a translucent emerald colour. A thin layer of sweat covered his face, and Serene noticed that his hands trembled with the effort it took him to resist the call of the moon.
"How do you manage that much control without Wolfsbane?" Serene shook her head. It came hard to him, that was plain to see, but he clung to his human body.
"It took a long time to master that," he answered through gritted teeth. "And believe me, I'd rather be in a forest somewhere, running wild."
He stared down at Remus' still body.
"I am sorry, but you will have to leave the room, Serene," said Dr Jung softly. "As soon as it is done, I'll call you in, I promise."
The door closed behind her, and she stared into the eyes of the small group that gathered in the corridor. Abby was pale with fear, but kept her head up bravely. Julia clung on her father's arm. Castor Black and Dumbledore had their head bent together over a piece of parchment. Severus stood like a dark presence behind Laurel, and even Sirius was there, comforting his crying wife. Serene was too exhausted to ask him how he had made it through the hospital entrance and the Auror that was posted there.
She refused the chair, Castor offered her and stood, her back to the door, her mind and heart still at the other side of the wall.
A clock ticked away the seconds, but they lost their meaning quickly as muffled sounds from the sickroom took over as markers of time.
The soothing voice of Dr Jung.
Furniture being moved around.
Eventually a soft growl.
"He'll be ok," Serene repeated to herself like a mantra. "He'll be ok."
Then she heard Remus scream in agony, and broke down weeping in Dumbledore's arms.
* * *
When Sirius pushed Serene into the room at the end of one of St. Mungo's bleak white corridors, her elbow felt like mush. The tall wizard held her in a merciless grip, and she had long since given up on trying to struggle out of it.
The room was small and crowded. In shock Serene recognised Laurel, Severus and Claire, Dumbledore and on the other side of the bed Abby and Jerome Lupin. Every face stared at her accusingly, with much more resentment than was deserved for running away without notice, she thought.
Then Severus stepped aside, and she saw that the bed was occupied. The body was covered with blankets and a duvet up to the chin. A hand lay on top of the white linen sheet, wrist shackled to the iron frame of the bed. Long, sensitive fingers. A hand she'd recognise by mere touch ...
"Remy ...," she whispered.
Sirius gave her a hard push that sent her stumbling to the bed. She heard Claire protest softly, saw Laurel step forward protectively, but everything around her paled when her eyes took in the face that had hunted her dreams since she'd left Claire's house by night almost three months ago.
At first glance she thought he was dead. His face was almost translucent white, with deep dark shadows defining the angles and hollows of the skull. His lips were encrusted with tried blood. Only when she watched carefully she could see his chest raise and fall slightly, so she knew he was breathing still.
Pain slammed into her like a vicious bullet, as if the dull shell of sadness and hopelessness that had encased her during the last weeks had suddenly cracked and left her defenceless, her heart bare to the onslaught of emotion.
"What happened to him," she whispered and reached out to touch his cheek ever so gently.
"You happened to him!" Sirius' hissed at her. "And look were that brought him!"
"Calm down, love," Claire stepped between her husband and her friend, and touched the wizard's hand. "Don't let your pain render you blind."
Serene touched Remus' face ever so gently. The skin felt dry and cool, much cooler than it ought to be.
"What happened?" she repeated, this time addressing the doctor.
"Mr. Lupin apparently took a potion that is known on the black market as 'Tabula rasa' ..."
She frowned. "Tabula rasa? Blank slate?"
"It claims to be a cure against lycanthropy."
"But ..." She swallowed hard and stared down at Remus' pale face. "But Remus always said there was no cure ..."
The doctor shook his head unhappily. "Now, TR is indeed a cure - only a lethal one. The potion does what it is supposed to do - burn out the lycanthropy virus. We know that lycanthropy is a violent infection that causes the recall of much older, primal features. The human body fights the change with all its strength. That's why many of those who get bitten don't survive the bite in the first place. TR neutralises the virus."
"What the inventor of this potion did not consider," added Severus, his voice betraying neither scorn nor pity, "is that the body, once adapted to the infection, won't be able to survive without it."
Serene stared wide-eyed at Dr. Jung. "You mean, he is healed but he is ... dying?"
"I am afraid so."
Gingerly she lifted the blanket off Remus' chest. He had lost so much weight that his rips and collarbones stood out like sharp edges. The old scar of the bite that spread star-like on his shoulder blended with the death-pale skin. He was not dead, not yet, and still he looked no more alive than a marble statue.
"Claire!" Over the unconscious wizard's body she looked at her friend. "Can't you do anything? You are a healer!"
Claire slowly shook her head and reached for Serene's hand. "A broken wrist, maybe, or a twisted ankle. Cuts and bruises, yes. But this? I am so sorry, Serene, but this is way beyond my abilities."
"There is one remedy ..." Dr. Jung started slowly, addressing Remus' parents. "Since his body can't survive without the lycanthropy virus ..."
"You must re-infect him." Sirius' conclusion hung in the air like a dark cloud.
"There is a werewolf in the hospital's staff who'd agree to administer the bite," explained the doctor. "But as you'll know, the code of conduct provides capital punishment for a werewolf who bites without explicit permission. Since Professor Lupin can not speak for himself, my colleague will need the permission of the victim's next of kin."
"No."
Abby Lupin's voice sounded strangely strangled. "I won't let this happen to him. No ... not again."
Dr. Jung frowned. "Mrs. Lupin, are you aware that your son will die within days if he does not get re-infected?"
Wide-eyed the older woman stared at the doctor. Her hands griped the iron rail of Remus' bed. "I know that."
"Abby, please!"
Serene's eyes widened in disbelieve. "He is going to ..."
"No!"
Remus' mother turned away from the small group gathered around what would be her son's death bed. Helpless sobs shook the petite woman, but she insisted on her decision.
"He hated to be a werewolf. He despised that part of himself so much he wanted to burn it out of his being by taking that potion. And as you say," she jerked her shoulder away from Dr. Jung's comforting touch, "he was well aware of the possible consequences. I respect his decision."
"Mr. Lupin, you can't possibly ..." Sirius felt like shaking the woman really hard to make her see reason but his wife's soft nudge convinced him otherwise. "You can't let him die!"
Jerome's voice was fraught with pain, when he stepped between his wife and his son's best friend. The onslaught of emotions from so many sides made him nauseous and dizzy, but he stood his ground. "Abby is right. We have to respect Remus' decision. He wanted to end his suffering. We have no right to force him to endure it further."
"Don't you understand? He is going to die!" Sirius shook his head.
"But he'll die as a man, as a normal human being. He'll die the way he always wanted to live." Abby whispered, and brushed her son's forehead with a soft kiss. "I won't take that away from him. Not if all I can offer him in return is the continuation of an existence he despised."
Sirius looked at Dumbledore, but the old wizard only shook his head.
Serene stood by the door, thunderstruck. When Dr. Jung explained the possible remedy, hope had surged almost painfully - only to be smashed by the Lupin's refusal to give their consent.
Slowly comprehension crept icily into her heart. Remus would die. He would die. He would not only be somewhere else, separated from her. He'd be gone. Why in the world had he taken this damned cure? He'd always seemed so settled, so at peace with his double nature. Then she remembered the look on his face in the dreadful night after the concert. The self-loathing in his eyes, when he could not control the urge to turn anymore.
Then she knew.
Her fault. Again.
He had not tried to get rid of the lycanthropy, but of his love to her, a love that had brought him nothing but pain.
Blind with tears she saw the female doctor whisper into Dr Jung's ear. He nodded, shot her a curious side-glance and left the room, only to return a few minutes later with an older wizard, hair greying at the temples but still devastatingly handsome..
"Could we talk to you in private for a minute, Miss Kennedy? And may I request your presence, Headmaster Dumbledore?"
At the end of the hall was a small room with a few battered chairs and a magical coffee cauldron.
Serene sat down tiredly. The day had been bad, really bad. She was impatient to get back into Remus' room though. If she was to lose him, she wanted to savour every minute they had left.
"Let me introduce you our resident Werewolf-specialist, Dr Matilykos," started Dr. Jung awkwardly after serving them paper-cups with something that only resembled coffee. "Miss Kennedy, my colleague Dr Willowbark remembers Mr Lupin bringing you into the emergency tend after the attack on King's Cross. Is that correct?"
She nodded.
"She claims you suffered from a severe bout of depression, much worse than what is to be expected even after a close encounter with a Dementor."
"I could not stop crying, yes."
"Dr. Willowbark remembers Mr. Lupin claiming that your condition were his fault and that he'd failed you."
Serene blinked. "His fault? No, he ... I ran away ... I ..."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and looked at the young witch who sat next to him. "Serene?"
She frowned and rubbed her burning eyes with the back of her hand. "Remy had nothing to do with my condition. But I don't see what ..."
Dr Jung rose a hand. "Let me explain. The Werewolf code of conduct states that a werewolf may administer the bite only with the consent of his next of kin or spouse of the person, even in immediate danger for the life of a person."
Tears welled up in her eyes and her voice trembled precariously, when she answered. "I understood that, yes."
Dr Jung exchanged a glance with the older wizard who stood by the window and watched Serene out of dark green eyes. He answered the questioning look with a slight inclination of his head.
"Still, there is a not so well known clause in the code, that has been brought into action only once or twice within the last century."
"It states, that a werewolf may also bite another werewolf with the consent of a lifemate," explained the other wizard. His voice was mesmerising, a dark low melody, with a slight trace of a foreign accent. "Since the death of a werewolf will cause severe consequences for the lifemate."
Serene looked up. "How do you know so much about all that?" she asked, still blinking back the tears.
Instead of an answer Dr Jung let his hand slide into the other wizard's.
"Oh," said Serene and stared at them in astonishment.
"Is this a problem for you, Miss Kennedy?" The young doctor's face grew even more earnest than it had been before.
"Did you get the impression there was too much love in the world?" Dr Matilykos sneered. "Because if it were so, we could easily dispense with certain forms of love. But since the world is in the sorry state it is, love is the most precious gift. Any kind of love."
"No, no," she blushed. "I was only surprised ... I thought I was the only one who ... loved ... a werewolf. I am sorry."
He accepted her apology with a gracious nod.
Serene swallowed and looked from Dr Jung to his werewolf companion. "What you said before about a lifemate giving consent ..."
"The problem, Miss Kennedy, is that you are nowhere officially enrolled as Mr Lupin's lifemate."
"Officially enrolled?" she frowned.
"The Department of Werewolf Affairs takes these things very serious. Lifemates have to register, so in case of their death the Ministry can take precautions to keep the werewolf from going wild. And there have been occasions of lifemates running amok when their partner got ..." Dr Jung's voice broke and Dr Matilykos stroked his hair soothingly.
"When the werewolf gets killed," the older doctor finished the sentence. "You must not forget that in some parts of Europe werewolves still may be shot at sight. That's why the Ministry likes to have an eye on were- relationships."
Dumbledore rose from his chair and went to the coffee-cauldron to refill his cup, not without casting a quick spell over the brew. "Correct me if I got this wrong: If Miss Kennedy was enrolled as a lifemate, her consent would overrule the parent's decision?"
Dr Matilykos nodded solemnly. "That's right. The question is now: Are you Mr Lupin's lifemate?" He sat down next to her and scrutinised her face. "And if you are, how can we prove it to the Department?"
Serene stared at the Formica table. Her mind raced. In the darkness a small gap had opened and let in light. Saving Remy ... Saving Remy ... She could not grasp another thought. Then comprehension slowly dawned. Was she a lifemate? She, who had always refused to acknowledge the bond between them? Who had pushed him back again and again, had hurt him, had even made him turn?
"Miss Kennedy?" Dr Jung tried to get her attention. "Let me describe how I imagine things went in you case. You only need to give me a sign, if I am correct."
She looked up and nodded.
"You are aware of a connection between Mr Lupin and you. The attraction is very strong, not only physically but also spiritually. But you fought it all the way, because you are afraid to commit yourself to such an intense bond."
She bowed her head, and Dumbledore reached for her hand.
"But when you were separated," the doctor went on, "you started to feel unhappy. Very ... unhappy. As if part of your heart and soul were missing."
A painful sob escaped Serene's throat. "How do you know?"
"I have been there," he answered with a faint smile and looked at his mate.
Dr. Matilykos cleared his throat. "I dare to say that Mr. Lupin suffered the same pains. You must understand, that due to his nature a werewolf needs three things. He needs a pack. Most werewolves have a close knit circle of friends."
"The Marauders," Dumbledore muttered to himself.
"They need a territory, but most of all they need a lifemate. To make up for the terrible loss of humanity they suffer, their wolf-part gives them the ability to find their lifemate even if they are continents apart." His gaze held the younger doctor's for a second, then he looked at Serene. "A reason why so few children survive a bite, is that when you are very young, the possibility is quite high that your lifemate is not born yet. And the horror of facing the world all alone is more than most children's soul could endure."
Serene crumbled the empty papercup. "Remy insists he knew the exact moment when I was born."
"I bet he really did. But you never felt his presence? There was never the feeling that somebody was waiting for you out there?"
"I ... don't know." She shook her head wearily. "There were ... dreams. Then we met and it was as if I had always known him. And when I left him there was nothing but that dark abyss of sadness."
Dr Matilykos cleared his throat. "We must not conceal from you, that these symptoms will become worse once you admit being his mate to yourself. Once you open your soul to the bond, it gets irrevocable. And it is quite a force."
"So what happens if Remus gets re-infected ... and dies?" Dumbledore sat up straight, his face unhappy and showing his true age. "What will happen to Serene in that case?"
Dr Jung sighed. "He is already very weak. We can't give you any guarantees that his body will endure new infection with lycanthropy. The fact he was taking this potion at all is a strong indication that he has no will to live. He is not going to fight, I am afraid."
"And this means for Miss Kennedy?" Dumbledore insisted.
"I don't care what it means for me," Serene cut him off impatiently. "If this can save Remus' life ..."
"It can save him. In fact it is the only way I see." Dr Jung tried to calm her. "But there is indeed a considerable risk he may die - and then you'll probably die with him, the connection being so fresh and all."
"But if he does not get re-infected very soon, he'll die for sure." Dr Matilykos looked straight at Dumbledore. "I don't see what difference it makes."
"If she remains in denial, his death won't cause as much pain as it would to his declared lifemate." The Headmaster stroked his beard, then he nodded at the two wizards "Please allow me a few minutes with Miss Kennedy."
In the door Dr Matilykos turned to Serene a last time. "You must decide fast. Tomorrow is the full moon, and Professor Lupin won't survive another month. If you decide in favour of the bite, I'll administer it myself, if you trust me that much."
His eyes got soft. "I know you don't want him hurt." Dropping the formal address, he gave her a kind smile. "But he is in agony already, Serene The bite will hurt much less than the damned 'cure' he took."
They left, and Dumbledore took both of Serene's hands.
"What are you going to do, my girl?" he asked softly. "All the time you worried about saving the world. And now it all comes down to saving one wizard."
Serene fell apart in his arms, sobbing helplessly. Dumbledore let her cry, patted her back now and then, and only when she had wept a big wet spot into his shoulder, he passed her a handkerchief.
"I guess I know your decision already," he said, and the kindness in his voice triggered another flood of tears. "I only want to make sure you are aware of the consequences."
"Remus will live." Serene stated it plainly.
"Indeed. But it will also mean that you are tied to him. Forever. No more running away. And he'll want to live in Hogwarts. It is his territory, after all. How are you going to manage?"
"I will," she twisted the handkerchief. "I'll keep away from Harry Potter and the school. I could live in Hogsmeade, I assume. If only he survives."
"In that case," said the Headmaster and rose with a sigh, "let's not lose any time. From what I know, the Ministry will have a pile of papers waiting to be signed before they let you enrol in the Werewolf Registry."
As it turned out, the Ministry did not only demand stacks of parchment to be filled in and double stamped, but also three witnesses who would state that Remus had considered Serene his lifemate.
"Wouldn't do to tie a wizard to a witch while he is unconscious and can't do anything about it," grumbled the wizard from the Ministry. "Poor sod wakes up and is married. Worse than married, since there is no divorce for lifemate-bonds." He sharpened his quill at the desk in the hospital office where he had set up shop.
Serene frowned at him. "How am I to produce three witnesses at such short notice?"
The clerk shrugged and pushed up his oversleeves. "That's not my problem, Miss. But no witnesses, no certificate."
Dumbledore stepped forward and took the one drop of Veritaserum the Ministry's regulations demanded. "I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and so on and so on. I shall act as a witness for Miss Kennedy. Remus Lupin has mentioned his connection to her many times."
The clerk scribbled down his statement and let him sign at the bottom, the he looked up. "Anyone else?"
Claire watched Serene's face and her eyes filled with tears of pity. Sirius waited outside in the hall, fuming at the injustice that he could do nothing for Remus. After all, the Ministry would not acknowledge the testimony of infamous Sirius Black, escapee from Azkaban ...
While Claire searched for a clean handkerchief for her friend, Laurel proceeded to the desk. "My name is Laurel Hunter, I am a teacher and colleague of Professor Lupin's. He told me only a few weeks ago that Miss Kennedy was his lifemate."
"Should have kept to the official order of procedures then. First tell the department, then tell your friends," muttered the clerk, but at Snape's scowl he dutifully penned down Laurel's words.
"We need a third one," he decreed, when she had signed the parchment. "And it better not be another Hogwarts staff member!"
The door to the hospital office opened, and Abby and Jerome Lupin entered, both pale and with dark rings under their eyes. Serene looked at them, her bottom lip trembling with the effort to remain calm and not break down crying.
"One of the nurses told us what you have in mind," said Abby in a tone so accusingly it cut right into Serene's heart. "How dare you! How dare you to ..."
"Abby," said Jerome soothingly and stroked the back of her hand. "Cherie, we agreed we'd listen, didn't we?"
He looked at Serene, who gripped the edge of the desk so hard her knuckles went white. "Ma fille, would you step outside with us for a moment?"
She followed the couple into the hallway.
Abby sobbed helplessly, and all Serene could do was passing her the handkerchief Claire had pressed in her hand a minute before.
"You have no right to do this to him," Remus' mother uttered when she could speak again.
"I love him," said Serene quietly. "I respect your point of view, Abby, but I can't let him die. I simply can't."
"You love him? Ha!" exclaimed Abby. "That's easily enough to say. But you have no idea what it means if he gets infected again. To watch him thrash in agony, night after night. To feel his body burn with fever and to know you can't do anything about it. To hear him scream ..." Her voice broke and Jerome pulled her into his arms.
Serene pressed a hand against her mouth in desperation. "But I will know, Abby," she said softly, trying not to cry. "I will be with him, every step of the way, just like you were with him when he got bitten the first time." Gingerly she touched the weeping woman's back. "But I can't do it without your help. You know so much more about lycanthropy than even the doctors here. And," her voice trembled when Abby looked at her through tear-filled eyes, "you love Remy."
"Cherie, she is right." Jerome patted his wife's back. "All the stuff you found out when he was a child will still apply ..."
Slowly Abby's sobs subsided. She looked up at her husband. "I kept a diary then, didn't I Jerome? About all the herbs that proved useful."
He inclined his head and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "They helped him then, they will help him now, I am sure."
Abby emerged from his embrace. Shyly she touched Serene's cheek. "I'll let you have my recipe book and my collection of herbs. And I'll teach you to cook chicken stew," she whispered, her voice still raw with tears. "Just ... don't leave him again."
"I won't. I promise I won't leave him." Serene breathed out a long breath of relieve. It would be incredibly hard anyway to save Remus' life, but she doubted it could be done at all without the Lupin's help.
"I hate hospitals. I hate the smell of them," she said softly, suddenly shivering in the overheated hall. "I spent too much time in whitewashed halls. I hate them." She looked so much the forlorn child that Jerome impulsively put an arm around her shoulder.
"Then we should take care that you and our boy get to leave this place as soon as possible."
Serene gave him a sad smile. "I still need a third witness. Or would you give your consent now that we ..."
Abby turned away from her pleading look. "No." Her voice was hard. "He would not want to live on without a lifemate. I could not do that to him. If you really are his lifemate as you claim, then you'll do everything to save him and make him happy. But if this is just a game, some plot that will result in even more pain and desperation, I'd rather let my son die like he wanted."
"Still, there is something I can do for you, Serene," said Jerome and gently took both women's hand. "When Remus brought you to our house before Christmas, he told me you were his lifemate." He squeezed Abby's hand. "He was going to tell you, Cherie, as soon as he had Serene's assent."
His glance warned Serene to protest. "So if you'll have me, ma fille, I will act as your third witness."
After the wizard had grumpily accepted Remus' father as the last witness and had sealed the documents with a lump of magical wax, all they could do was wait. When Serene entered the small waiting area adjoining the isolation ward, her tired eyes took in the small crowd that waited for the Ministry's answer almost as anxiously as she. The Lupins sat on a threadbare sofa in a corner, while Julia crouched in front of her parents, holding their hands and trying to comfort them.
Snape perched on the arm of a lopsided stuffed chair, one hand lightly on Laurel's shoulder, a casual but strong anchor. Suddenly Serene felt how a wave of envy almost suffocated her. Why couldn't she be more like Laurel? How did her friend do it, how did she handle this difficult, headstrong wizard and still hold on to her own personality? Then she remembered Laurel's words. Hard work, she'd said. It needed hard work to be happily in love.
If only Remy survived. If only the fates grated her one more chance she'd work her butt off, Serene vowed silently.
In the corner to her right Sirius towered over a chair, with his usual protective air . And Claire, bent down over a bundle on her knees .
Serene moaned.
"Oh Claire, I am so sorry!" She kneeled down next to her friend, eyes wide with guilt. "I was so immersed in my own problems that I completely forgot about you!"
The other woman smiled. "Honey, do you really think I'd hold that against you? The wizard you love .", she caught Serene's hand and squeezed it gently. "You love him! Protest is futile. It is obvious for everybody to see." Except for Sirius, she thought, but he was blind with worry about his best friend.
Serene bowed her head in silent submission. "You are right."
The bundle stirred and when Claire lifted the edge of the blanket, the baby's face split with a big yawn. "She is such a good girl," praised the proud mother. "She smiles and she sleeps."
Softly touching the baby's cheek, still warm from sleep, Serene stared at the small face. "She is beautiful," she whispered after a while. "How old is she?"
"Three days," Sirius informed her, his voice gentle with wonder, as always when he talked about his daughter. "Her name is Rose."
"Rose", Serene repeated softly.
"Remus is to be her godfather." Claire held out the baby for her to take, ignoring Sirius muttered protest.
Serene blushed. "I am going to drop her."
"Nonsense!" Claire nudged Sirius' ribs harder than necessary. "You are good with children. I saw you with Jonah."
"Thank you for being here." Serene avoided her friend's gaze and concentrated on Rose's sweet face and the tiny mouth that formed a perfect "O". "Remus would appreciate it very much."
"Remus?" Claire frowned and a jerk of her head called Laurel to her side. "Stupid girl, we are here for you."
"We care a lot for Remus, don't get us wrong." Laurel stroked red tresses out of Serene's tired face. "But we are your friends. We love you. We would not let you stand alone in a situation like this." She swallowed hard. No matter how it ends."
Serene quickly passed Rose back to Claire, and wiped the tears out of her eyes with the back of her hands.
"Thank you," she mumbled shyly. The she ran out of the room.
Sirius stared after her, a frown on his face.
"She is nuts," he scowled. "I said it before and I say it now."
Claire turned and put the baby in his arms. "She loves Remus, and she is afraid she'll lose him, you big oaf!" she hissed. "Try to remember how that feels."
Then she followed Laurel, who was out of the door already. Sirius looked helplessly at Snape.
"Girlfriends," the Potions master shrugged. "I'd sooner face a Hungarian Horntail."
* * *
It took almost a full day for the paperwork to clear, and when an express owl brought the certificate that gave Serene the permission to decide about Remus' treatment, night had already fallen and the moon stood bright and full over the hospital.
Dr Jung took the certificate out of Serene's trembling hands. "I'll go and inform Pavlos that we can proceed." He scrutinised her face. "Do you want a few minutes alone with Mr Lupin before ... before ...."
Serene's eyes were unnaturally bright. "Yes, I would like that very much."
Dr Jung whispered a few words into the waiting people around Remus' bed and everybody left the room, patting Serene's shoulder, stroking her cheek, giving her a comforting hug, when they passed her.
Suddenly the room was empty. There was nobody but her and the silent pale man on the bed.
She sat down carefully at his side and took one of his cold hands into hers. His face was as white as the pillow, and his breath came so shallow she could hardly say whether he breathed at all.
"Remy ..."
She did not know what to say. Where there any words to convey how she felt? And would it make a difference if she said all that, now that he could not hear it anymore?
"Remy," she tried again, "they can't tell me if you'll survive this treatment. Maybe I did the wrong thing. Maybe this is only causing you even more pain. But I could not decide any other way."
Raising his cold hand to her mouth, she kissed the slow pulse on his wrist.
"I love you."
There. She'd said it. And the comprehension that this had been all he'd ever wanted to hear her say, cut through her like a blade.
"I love you. I don't know if you survive. I don't know if I find the courage to ever say it again when you are awake. But I wanted you to know it."
If this were a movie or a romance novel, Serene thought while she sat there, holding his hand, waiting for the inevitable, he'd wake up now. And we'd live happily ever after.
She bowed down and gently nuzzled her cheek to his, and remained so until a soft knock at the door made her sit up sighing.
Dr Matilykos entered with the younger doctor in tow. His eyes had changed from the peaceful forest green to a translucent emerald colour. A thin layer of sweat covered his face, and Serene noticed that his hands trembled with the effort it took him to resist the call of the moon.
"How do you manage that much control without Wolfsbane?" Serene shook her head. It came hard to him, that was plain to see, but he clung to his human body.
"It took a long time to master that," he answered through gritted teeth. "And believe me, I'd rather be in a forest somewhere, running wild."
He stared down at Remus' still body.
"I am sorry, but you will have to leave the room, Serene," said Dr Jung softly. "As soon as it is done, I'll call you in, I promise."
The door closed behind her, and she stared into the eyes of the small group that gathered in the corridor. Abby was pale with fear, but kept her head up bravely. Julia clung on her father's arm. Castor Black and Dumbledore had their head bent together over a piece of parchment. Severus stood like a dark presence behind Laurel, and even Sirius was there, comforting his crying wife. Serene was too exhausted to ask him how he had made it through the hospital entrance and the Auror that was posted there.
She refused the chair, Castor offered her and stood, her back to the door, her mind and heart still at the other side of the wall.
A clock ticked away the seconds, but they lost their meaning quickly as muffled sounds from the sickroom took over as markers of time.
The soothing voice of Dr Jung.
Furniture being moved around.
Eventually a soft growl.
"He'll be ok," Serene repeated to herself like a mantra. "He'll be ok."
Then she heard Remus scream in agony, and broke down weeping in Dumbledore's arms.
* * *