16. THE FIFTH TOWER (part 2)

One week after the re-sorting, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Flitwick stood in the circular room on top of the new tower. While the Headmaster drew an intricate pattern of lines and circles on the stone floor, Professor Flitwick hovered in mid-air and waved his wand. Whenever the light from the tip of the wand crossed one of the lines, it glowed red or blue.

Minerva watched the lines flash and noted their colour with different quills.

Eventually Dumbledore checked the list she'd compiled and frowned. He passed it to the Charms Professor.

„What do you think, Theodore?"

Flitwick sighed when he saw the abundance of red ink. „It won't hold. The web of charms and spells we wove to protect the school from intruders, was pierced by the new tower."

„Estella Etherwing's power remained when the stone and timber was removed," said Minerva. „The tower must have gone through the web like a sharp spear."

„But can the web be undone to ..." Dumbledore stroked his beard, „to Apparate into Hogwarts for instance?"

„By a wizard of great power inside the castle?" Flitwick thought about it. „I'm afraid, yes."

„And next week is the full moon, and the night after is Beltane," Minerva reminded them. „One of the most powerful nights. Even some of the seventh years could tear up the web that night, if they knew the right spells."

„So we better fix it before Beltane," said Dumbledore and with a swish of his hand let the lines and circles disappear. „We need all staff, even Sirius Black if there is a way to contact him."

„I'll check with Claire," promised Minerva. „I am certain they meet now and then in a secret place. She just looks too happy to have not seen her husband in so many months."

* * *

Serene was on her way back from the clothes shop in Hogsmeade when she ran into Castor Black who walked up the small road that led from the cottage to Winterstorm Manor. When she waved, he stopped and waited for her at the life oak by the crossroad.

He wore his Auror's uniform, and the small lunar sign that showed he was a member of the Werewolf squad. Serene could well see, why Julia Lupin could net get completely free of that wizard, even after so many years. His smile was a devastating weapon.

„Are you visiting Claire and the baby?" she asked friendly.

He nodded. „I am on my way to the Manor. But it is a busman's holiday. Actually I needed to talk to Remus Lupin about the wizard who sold him that cure. Looks like we got a hot trace to ..."

Serene's eyes widened in shock. „You ... talked to him already?" she croaked.

„I met him down by the lake, and he recognised a face on some of the candid shots I brought. But he'll have to come to London to identify the wizard if we are successful."

„You ... insufferable idiot!" she hissed. „You told him he was a werewolf? Just like that?"

Castor shook his head when she dropped her basket and ran down the lane, without a word of good bye. His brother had once called Serene Kennedy a nutcase, and Castor had to agree.

When she entered the cottage, out of breath after the run, Serene was prepared for everything - accusations, confusion, even despair - but not for the icy glance in Remus' eyes.

He stood by the window and the setting sun lit his hair up like a golden brown halo.

„I remember," he said.

„I know." She swallowed hard. „Castor … he was not supposed to tell you."

He scowled at her. „And when was I supposed to learn what I am? On the night of the full moon? When I sprout whiskers and claws? What were you going to say?" His stare grew bitter, and Serene bowed her head guiltily, when he mocked her voice. „Ah Remy, by the way, you are going to turn into a monster in the next five minutes?"

„No!" She raised both hands helplessly. „You … Dr Jung told me your memory would come back in time."

„The seizures." He looked at his forearm, where faint red lines told of a particularly bad night. „The pains. This is going to happen every month. I remember now."

„Remy." Serene reached out to touch him but he stepped back abruptly as if she'd threatened him with a red hot poker. „Remy, do you remember the cure you took?"

„The cure?" His face grew blank, then his eyes narrowed. „I think … It tasted bitter. It hurt."

„It almost killed you. They had to re-infect you so your body could fight the side-effects of the cure."

"Re-infect me!" He paled and clenched his fists. „So it was successful?"

„It almost killed you," she spat, furious about Castor's interference. „I wouldn't call that successful!"

Remus turned away from her and stared blindly into the sunset. „I … didn't want this anymore," he whispered. „To live in fear of the moon and of my inner beast."

„You almost died on me!" She stepped closer, but his defiant stance dared her to touch him. „Everything will be all right, Remy, as long as we are together."

„Together!" Wearily he closed his eyes. „I remember what happened on the last full moon we spent together." In a flash he turned around and grabbed her wrists.

She winced with pain and shock when he pushed her against the wall.

„I remember London, the night after Julia's concert! I started to change!" Now he shouted at her, desperate to make her understand the hopelessness of the situation. „There were … claws! And I could feel my mind shift …" His eyes gleamed in amber.

„It was my fault!" she cried. „I … made you angry! I was so annoyed, I kept pushing you …"

"Merlin!" He let go off her and stared at his hands and then at her. „Sally, that's no excuse! Being annoyed can never be an excuse for losing control like that. You hear me?"

There were tears glittering in the corner of his eyes, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. His mouth set in a hard line. „We can never be together. It is too dangerous."

Serene sank into a chair, trembling all over suddenly. He was going to leave, she saw it in his eyes. And she'd be alone again …

Blinking back the tears, she took a deep breath to calm down. It had all been a terrible mistake. A mistake to come to Hogwarts in the first place. A mistake to get involved with Remus - worse, to let him sneak into her heart. The heart she'd guarded so carefully.

„What now?"

His bitter smile told her everything she needed to know. Walking out of the cottage without a further word did not make it easier at all, but at least for the time being she could pretend to be the one who left. And not the one who was left behind …

And so she stood up and softly closed the door behind her.

Remus waited in the large living room of Winterstorm Manor and warmed his hands by the fire. Since Castor's innocent words had triggered a flood of memories, he'd felt cold. He remembered now, oh yes. Jamie was dead, and so was Lily. And Voldemort …was rising again. But there were still dark corners in his mind, shadows, where important facts lurked. Something he'd heard in the back-street shop where the old wizard had sold him the cure.

He remembered that Sirius was on the run, and there was no way to contact his friend but through Claire. But if he'd ever needed his friend it was now. Desperately.

When Sirius entered the living room, Remus could only stare at the wizard. Black looked … well, not at all like a man who was hiding from the Aurors and Death Eaters alike. He wore his beloved jeans under his robes, was barefoot and smiled.

Remus' eyes widened when he saw the wriggling child in his friends arms. Memories rose - of Claire being pregnant …

Sirius laughed softly. „Moony, this is my daughter. Rose."

Remus stared at the baby in disbelieve. Although she was now almost eight weeks old, Rose Black reminded him of a delicate doll with her white-blond locks and startling blue eyes. How could this tiny beauty be Sirius' daughter? Had Harry looked as fragile and precious? he tried to remember. Or was this a girl-thing?

„She's lovely," he said in awe. Then he remembered his reason for coming to the Manor. „Sirius, I need to talk to you."

„So do I." Sirius sat down in a deep chair by the fire. „Castor left an hour ago. He told us what happened."

Claire offered Remus a cup of tea, but he politely declined. „Are you alright, Remus?" she asked worriedly.

He shrugged. „Not really, no."

„Castor did not mean to shock you," Sirius apologised for his brother. „Nobody advised him to keep silent."

„You could have told me." Remus stared at Sirius accusingly. „You are my oldest friend, and still you left me deaf and blind."

The tall wizard lowered his gaze and played with Rose's tiny fingers. „It was hard," he admitted. „Especially when you asked me about James. But they told us at St. Mungo's that we must not push you."

Remus nodded. He understood, but it still hurt.

„Claire and I have been talking about this for some time. We just wanted to wait until you … felt better." Sirius cleared his throat and unceremoniously plunked the baby into Remus' lap. „If anything happens to us, we want you to take care of her."

Rose raised her tiny hand and grabbed Remus' finger. She held on with surprising strength.

„Of course I will …" Remus looked up, and understanding dawned in his eyes. „But …"

„We would be honoured if you became Rose's godfather," Claire took in the scene with a smile. Clearly her small daughter had learned very fast how to wrap every male present around her tiny finger.

„Claire, I am …" Remus' face showed how moved he was and it took some effort to keep his voice calm. „I am a werewolf. Certainly not the right person to trust with a child's future."

Claire crossed her arms over her breasts and gave him one of her unsettling stern looks. „I trusted you with Sirius' life," she said. „If you hadn't taken the risk of saving him, this little girl's father would still be in Azkaban."

„I'd be dead by now," said Sirius firmly.

„Padfoot, I need to leave soon," said Remus so softly only his friend would hear his words. „I need to go to London, to make up my mind about a few things."

Sirius only nodded.

„But I am honoured and glad to be Rose's godfather." Remus looked into the small face seriously and the child's blue eyes looked back at him with the same expression. „I'd guard her with my life, you know that."

He shook his head with a sad smile. „Remember how Lily used to say, I'd be the first of the Marauders to become a husband and father? Well, I don't know about Peter, but right now it looks like you beat me in both categories."

Claire touched his cheek and had to restrain herself from hugging him. He had always had this shadow of deep unhappiness around him, but now the shadow seemed to have darkened over night.

„It's going to be alright, Remus," she whispered. „I don't know what ails you, but it's going to be alright."

„I'll see to that," muttered Remus and passed her daughter back to her. „That's why I have to leave now."

* * *

The gliding stairs came down before Serene could mutter the password. She felt too weary to be surprised, but when the door opened and a dozen faces looked at her expectantly, she halted at the doorstep.

„Is this a staff-meeting?" she asked confusedly. „I did not get an owl."

„You must have missed it," Minerva said and pushed her glasses back up her nose. „Word just went out. We need everybody at Hogwarts as soon as possible."

„Another re-sorting?" Serene knew she must look like something Mrs Norris brought in, but she did not care right now. She'd come to ask Dumbledore's council, but with so many people present that would have to wait.

The Headmaster's eyes did not miss her sorry state. „Has anything happened, girl?" he asked softly, while the assembly took up it's chatter. „Where is Remus? We need him in Hogwarts as well."

„He left." The words burned her throat like acid.

„He left?" Dumbledore repeated after her. „But we need him here, and now!"

Serene's bottom lip trembled. „So do I. But that does not change the fact that he left a few hours ago. Castor Black told him the truth, and he .." Her voice broke. „He wanted to change without me."

„Oh Serene." The old wizard looked at her with a pity that almost brought the tears back to her eyes.

„No," she said flatly. „It's okay. He wants it like that, he can have it. I don't need him." With his silent permission she fled the study.

Dumbledore looked out of the window when she left the castle, and shook his head. „That did not sound too convincing, my child," he muttered to himself. Then he turned around and faced the assembled staff. „Without Professor Lupin we won't have enough magical power to repair the protective net. We'll have to wait for his return."

„But, Albus," Minerva worried. „he may be gone for a long time."

„I doubt that." He gave her a faint smile. „Love drove him away. Love will draw him back." He addressed the other teachers. „For the time being entry to the fifth tower shall be forbidden for all students, unless in the presence of a staff-member."

* * *

A week later Neville stood outside of the Potions lab and took a deep breath. It wasn't as if he were afraid of entering. Not exactly ... afraid. Only that he and Professor Snape were not … well, they were both happier when the other was as far away as possible.

Still, it was necessary, and, as Hermione liked to say, Snape was only human after all. At least they assumed so. The wizard was in love with Miss Hunter, wasn't he? And the little boy they'd adopted seemed to adore the Potions master …

Neville counted back from five and knocked.

After ten seconds he knocked again. Eventually he pushed against the wooden door, and noticed it wasn't shut at all.

„Professor Snape," he ventured.

The tall wizard looked up from his desk. „Longbottom."

He sounded less than pleased, but at some moment two years ago that voice had lost its ability to frighten Neville to death.

„What do you want? If it is a delay on your homework on Knorkwood's first theorem, so let me tell you again, that the re-sorting is no excuse."

A small sigh told Snape that he'd just reminded his student of another unpleasant detail, and he had to suppress an amused smile. He didn't really dislike Longbottom - as long as he stayed away from the breakable items in the lab. But right now he was busy.

„It's not the essay," mumbled Neville and made a mental note to start with it right away as soon as he'd escaped the dungeons. „It's about Malfoy."

"Draco?" asked Snape, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. He really worried about the boy, whose behaviour had changed from fierce protest into stubborn silence since the sorting. Most students got along with the re-structuring of their living-conditions amazingly well. But not Draco. While he had no chance but stick with his appointed group he did what he could to make it clear he had neither interest no inclination to get closer to Potter, Granger, Weasley or Longbottom. Now, with Crabbe and Goyle sticking to their own respective groups, it became obvious that Draco had no friends at all. Though all Slytherins had accepted him as their spokesman, nobody seemed to genuinely care for him.

Snape seemed unsure what to do, and Neville tried hard to not show any surprise. And now the Potions master's face contorted and he stuck his head under the table to hiss something unintelligible. The student could not see anyone hiding in the shadows under the desk, and surely there was not room enough for a person down there, was it?

„Malfoy keeps sneaking up the new tower," he mumbled, suddenly feeling awkward. They had discussed this, Harry and Mione and Ron and him. They had warned Draco. After all Dumbledore had forbidden any student to enter the tower. Even the most stupid Slytherin had to see that strange things happened there. It seemed very much alive. Windows continuously changed their number and position, and reminded Neville of watchful eyes. But Draco had brushed off their warning with an annoyed frown, and spent hours in the Fifth Tower. So they had decided to bring the problem to Snape, since there had been a time when Draco listened to the Potions master.

Snape nodded slowly. „I'll talk to him." The boy was really trying his patience. Gifted and bright as he was, he seemed quite likely to end up as a Death Eater - or simply dead. „That was very considerate of you, Mr Longbottom, to come to me first."

Neville blushed, considerate not being an adjective Snape often used on him. „He is one of us now", he said softly. „Even if he hates us."

„He does not …" Snape reconsidered. „Well, I am afraid you are right. He hates you, and Potter and Weasley and Granger. But he also hates me, and his mother, and Albus Dumbledore and the rest of the world. But most of all he hates himself."

Neville frowned. He knew all about self-consciousness and awkwardness, but why Draco Malfoy, who was handsome and smart and rich, should hate himself, was out of his comprehension. „It's not our fault. We leave him alone as much as possible." Which was not particularly hard, since Draco treated them like slime.

„Maybe you should annoy him rather more than less," Snape said in no particular direction and pretended to continue with his grading of first-year essays. „Maybe you should not make it so easy for him."

"You mean, not let him go alone." Neville thought about it and his face brightened. „Sneaking up that tower with the four of us in tow would be a lot less interesting, would it?"

The Potions master kept staring at the parchment scrolls. „Anything else, Mr Longbottom? I am busy, as you may well see."

Suddenly Neville drew in a sharp breath.

„Anything else?"

„Ah, Professor?" Neville's voice hitched.

„What?" Impatiently Snape looked up and saw Neville stare wide-eyed over his shoulder. „What is it, Longbottom?"

„There … there is something floating in the air, „stuttered the student nervously. „Looks like … looks like …"

"A glass bottle of Vesuvian acid." Snape's voice was sharp as a sword and twice as cold. „If it shatters on the stone floor, we'll be done."

„I know that," hissed Neville, sweat appearing on his forehead. „I may be useless with potions, but even I …"

"The I suggest you bring the door between you and the bottle, Mr Longbottom." Very slowly Snape rose, and turned to the bottle, while his hand waved Neville out of the Potions room. „Get out, now."

The boy moved backwards, inch by inch until his back hit the door post. „Professor?" He did not dare to speak up. „Who is making the bottle fly?"

„Get out." Snape stood like a shield between the door and the bottle, and only when Neville was safe out on the corridor, he recognised what had been missing in the picture. The Potions master had not held a wand.

Neville covered his ears with both hands and waited for the inevitable.

In the lab Snape stared into the corner next to the long work bench. The bottle with Vesuvian acid rose and fell and bounced through the air like a bubble of soap. The content of the bottle sufficed to blow a man sized hole into a brick wall.

The wizard knew he had only seconds to consider. At a sharp command the bottle bounced upwards and the Potions master Dissaparated. A batting of an eyelash later he appeared again in the room next door, clutching the furiously protesting Jonah in his arms.

Before Snape could say anything, a eardrum-shattering noise made the walls of the dungeons shake. Mortar, dust and flakes of old paint fell on the wizard and the child in his arms, but the ancient stone walls withstood the explosion.

Jonah held Snape's wand in his chubby hand and waved it with much enthusiasm.

„Boom!"

Snape shakily set the child on the floor and plucked the wand out of his fingers. „Merlin, Jonah! I told you, this is not a toy, didn't I?"

Jonah smiled an angelic smile, and cocked his head. „Have, please."

„Not before you are admitted to school. And that will be in nine years and four months!" The wizard wiped the sweat off his brow and slowly sat down on the floor next to the boy. „How did you make the bottle fly, anyway?"

„Say fly," squeaked Jonah and tried to get to the wand again, but Snape hid it firmly behind his back. „Say Wingardium Leviosa and woosh!"

„Flitwick!" The Potions master's eyes narrowed. „He babysat you yesterday, didn't he? You must not do that, Jonah. Do you understand? It is dangerous."

Slowly the recognition what could have happened sunk in, and made him shiver with cold. The boy could be dead by now. He himself could be dead, but his life hardly mattered. He had not only had a second, but a third and fourth chance. He could not complain. But Jonah's life, so young, so promising …

In a surge of emotion that would make him wince in embarrassment when he remembered it later, he drew the boy in a tight embrace. Jonah rested his head on his father's shoulder and held still, when he felt the wizard tremble. He even patted Snape's back as he'd seen Laurel do when she'd comforted Aunt Ene.

Eventually Snape gave Jonah free.

„Well, young man ... Your Mommy is going to skin me alive if she ever gets wind of this." He cautiously stuffed his wand back into his belt. „So we better roll up our sleeves and get a us a broom and shovel." Slowly he opened the sturdy oak door that connected the storage room and the lab.

The work table was turned over, the parchment scrolls partially singed. Some students would be very unhappy to learn they had to do their essay on the effects of wormwood all over again. The pickled newts on the shelf seemed okay, but blackened walls and shattered glass told of a serious explosion.

An exalted grin split Jonah's face. „Boom!"

* * *

Serene had spent the night of the full moon sitting at the bedroom window and staring up at the dark sky, oblivious of the tears that streaked her face. Remus was turning right now, she could feel it. How could she sleep when he went through the pain and horror of the first change?

The next day she felt sick and as if her head stuck in a thick cloud. Every sound hurt. It was like a bad hangover - and no aspirin would make it go away, she knew.

Her mood when she walked over into Hogsmeade to meet Ben, was accordingly. She was not interested in him and his scheming.

In the door she almost got run over by Draco Malfoy, who hurried out of the pub without looking left or right. Before she could say something, Ben Olsen stood by her side and laid a hand on her arm.

„Serene, my dear."

„I am not your dear," she snapped impatiently. „And I am not in the mood for socialising, Ben."

When she made her way through the pub, Ben's eyes followed her greedily. What a rare beauty she was! And she was his. If only she'd give up her idiot vain attempts on saving her soul! It all accounted to Dumbledore and his influence on her, the Master and Ben had agreed. They could have won that war long ago, if only Serene ceased fighting her fate.

„You seem upset", he remarked casually, when he returned from the bar with two foaming mugs. „Is anything wrong?"

„Ah, stuff your false pity!" she hissed and shot him a hard glance. „You got spies in every second house in Hogsmeade and know about my every step better than I do!"

„Only because I worry about you," he said, and because it was the truth, she took it without further opposition.

„I know." Serene sighed. „I am sorry, but this really is not the best of occasions."

„Well, I thought with Lupin gone and all," Ben raised the mug, „I'd keep you company until he returns."

She stared at the table, blind for the vicious smile that distorted his innocent face for a split second. „He won't be back for a while." Her voice was thick with pain and shame.

„Of course Laeticia will keep him for a while," Ben said maliciously. „She never had any sense of time."

„Laeticia?" Serene's head shot up. Where there had been misery was now blank suspicion and jealousy. „He is with Laeticia?"

Ben dug in his sleeve and produced a magic photograph that showed Remus entering Laeticia's elegant town house. Serene had been there several times with Ben, so she recognised the entrance very well. And that was Remus' cloak, she knew that from the patched hood.

Ben took her hand and she was so numb she let him. „Serene, don't you see he is only playing with you like a cat with a mouse. Clearly he doesn't want to be with you. All the trouble you went through for him ..." He brushed his lips over her knuckles, while her eyes burned holes into the photograph. „All the pain. For nothing."

He snatched the picture out of her hand before she could tear it into shreds. „I'll need that one, sorry."

She shrugged in pretend indifference.

„Serene, won't you come back with me?" he asked.

Her wild red hair flew when she shook her head defiantly. "No!"

„The why don't you do what you feel you want to do, just once?" he suggested with a lure in his voice that had worked fine many times before. After all he mostly suggested what people wanted to do anyway. They only needed a push …

„Once in your life follow your own desires and quit straining for an ideal others set." Again he touched her hand and again she did not push him back. Hope gleamed in his heart like a hidden spark in the ashes of a ruined house.

„I don't know what I want," she sighed.

„But you know what is going to happen." He frowned. „Sooner or later it is going to happen anyway. So why not sooner? Why not tonight?"

„Tonight?" Her face was blank. The last night had been the night of the full moon, the only night that counted. The night when Remus had made it clear he did not trust her, did not want her anymore.

„It is the night of Beltane. A night of ancient magic. Tonight could be our night." Darkness seemed to waver around him and for a moment his face was lost in it. Only the pale blue eyes burned out of the deep blackness. "Draco is going to make use of it, but he is only a boy. He might fail. But you … you could do it."

Serene let her head sink. „I'll think about it," she said lamely.

„That's all I demand. Think about it, do it and return to me. We are made for each other, we complete each other." Silently he vowed not to make the same mistakes Lupin had made. Once Serene was with him he would not allow her to take a single step without his explicit permission. She'd be his and his alone.

„I brought you something that might be of use. It only works tonight," Ben said and pressed a small compass-like device into her hand. „It is a finder."

„A finder?"

He rose and held up her coat for her. „To find whoever you need to find. And you know who that is. You've known for ages."

She looked down at the thin metal needle. „Yes. I've always known. I just tried to deceive myself."

* * *

It took Dr Matilykos some effort not to growl when he met Remus Lupin. They stood in a secluded corner of Hyde Park, and the still almost full sphere of the moon rose pale and beautiful over the treetops, although it was only late afternoon.

The doctor had agreed to the meeting only after Dr Jung had cornered him and given him a fierce lecture about his hypocratic oath and his responsibilities. Still, there was no way he'd invite another werewolf into his very den, so St. Mungo's was out of the question.

But Hyde Park was recently unclaimed, and so the vast park could serve as both neutral territory and a place where - if everything went wrong - two werewolves could fight without hurting too many people.

Remus sat on a bench and looked as if a Muggle truck had reversed over him. For a moment Dr Matilykos professional instincts took over. He cleared his throat although he knew the other werewolf had noticed his scent as soon as he'd parked his broom at Kensington gate.

His wand shone a blue light into Remus' eyes and made the wizard wince. The doctor shook his head.

„Don't rise. I brought you something to take away most of the pain and some of the weariness." After searching in his many bags he threw Remus a small bottle.

„I won't take Wolfsbane," muttered Remus and held the glass vessel against the moon light.

„You'd be dead now if you'd taken Wolfsbane," said Dr Matilykos. „All the gods of Greece, Lupin, are you completely out of your mind to change all alone?"

Remus stared at his boots defiantly. „I always did it alone."

"From what I heard that's not true," snapped the doctor and sat on the armrest of a bench across the walkway, still close enough to understand Lupin - werewolves had keen hearing -, but not close enough that the scent of another male would override all humanity and trigger the change before it was necessary.

„You changed in the presence of those Animagi friends of yours, or so Albus Dumbledore told me."

"I was a child then." Remus did not look up. „And they were not in danger. Prongs and Padfoot were strong enough to stand up to me." He sighed. „And Peter had a strong instinct for survival, and kept behind Prongs."

„That still is no explanation for your coming to London of all places!" hissed Dr Matilykos. „This is not your territory."

„I didn't change here. I flew to the marshlands in the south."

„Still, apart from the danger you put others in by changing in a place that could very well be already claimed, you changed without assistance after a re-infection. You must be suicidal!"

The silence in the park was impenetrable. Even the small animals of the night had found better places to feed and fight for the time being. Humans decided to take a different way through the park all of a sudden. Even the lights of the city seemed hesitant to penetrate the darkness between the groups of trees. There was only the moon, and the need to unleash the inner beast beat on both wizard and doctor alike.

„Now be a good wolf and drink your medicine!"

Remus felt so weak he could hardly uncork the bottle. It tasted faintly of tree-bark and clover. Even after the first sip the pain in his every bone and sinew ceased a bit, and felt strong enough to face the doctor.

„I never asked to be re-infected!"

Dr Matilykos rolled his eyes. He remembered only too well being twenty years younger, and all confused. „Well, no, you did not ask for it. But you were only one day away from Elysium. You were hardly in the position to talk."

„So why could you not let me die?" Remus clenched his fist around the bottle. „Why push me back into this life I am so sick of?"

The doctor rose impatiently. „Nonsense! You are not sick of life! Because life, Lupin, is so much more than … this." He pointed at the moon. „It is so much more than waiting and counting the days and living in both fear and desire."

He paced on the soft green lawn, a motion that would have made Remus sick only a few minutes earlier. But the draught had done it's trick, and he felt better with every minute.

„You are so lucky, and you don't even have a clue!" snarled Dr Matilykos and came to a halt right in front of his patient. „You are only … what, 38? And you got yourself a territory in a great part of this freezing island with space enough to roam and people who won't pull a shotgun when they spot you at their doorstep. You got a family and a whole bunch of friends you are so important to they'd drop everything to come to your rescue."

„All my friends but Sirius are dead." Remus' face glazed over. „They have been dead for sixteen years!"

The doctor frowned. „Is that so? Well, pray tell me who those people were, that crowded the hall at St. Mungo's while you were sick? A quite peculiar assembly, I recall. A healer with a baby. The Headmaster of the most renowned school in this part of Europe. A Potions master who checked all my draughts and concoctions as if I tried to poison you on your deathbed. His wife who held your hand for hours. A gamekeeper from Sherwood and his Muggle wife. And I am not even talking about various witches who all claimed to be your sister, and their husbands and boyfriends …" He could not suppress an angry growl anymore. „So don't you dare to say you got no friends, you ungrateful cub!"

Remus' eyes narrowed. „But I …"

"And then," the doctor waved away his objection. „there was the red-haired witch who moved heaven and earth to get the ministry's permission to have you re-infected!"

„Serene?" Remus rose with a start. „She? She did that to me?"

Dr. Matilykos bared his teeth. „She is your life-mate, you idiot! Did you expect her to buy a black dress and wait for your funeral?"

The younger wizard laid his head back. The pale sphere hung now high over them, and the cool light flooded down like liquid.

„I almost killed her," he whispered hoarsely. „I … got angry and I could not hold back the change anymore."

„That was the reason why you took that killer cure?" Dr Matilykos perched on the armrest of his bench. „Because you think you'd infect her one day?"

„It is too dangerous for her. You know how we are when the moon is full." Remus shook his head. „It could happen again, and the next time I may not get away without hurting her."

„Excuse me, but that's rubbish," Dr Matilykos stated and looked down his nose.

„Ha?"

„If werewolves could infect their mates so easily, it would occur more often, don't you think?" He gave the young wizard a scowl. „Actually I never heard about it anywhere. And you'll find that even if you turn completely you wont be able to hurt her."

„But I …"

„What happened?" Matilykos held up a hand. „Did your claws come out?"

Remus blushed and nodded faintly.

„But that was because of …" The doctor stared at him intently. „Think, Lupin! Was it Serene who made you so angry you had to turn? Or was it something else?"

And then understanding slowly dawned. The evening at the concert. The pull of the moon without wolfsbane. Olsen. Laeticia. Remus hunched down and raked both hands through the velvety grass as if he needed the anchor of firm ground.

„Something she said." His voice trembled slightly. „It triggered a memory."

„A very unpleasant one, I wager," nodded the doctor. „These things happen. But even if you had turned, you would not have hurt her. That's what all this life-mate thing is about, don't you see? To have one person who must never fear you, whatever state you are in."

Remus covered his face with both hands.

The doctor sighed softly. It was time the young fool got back up north, and he himself wanted to answer the call of the moon. „It will be easier, you see," he continued, now softer. „Much easier to turn if you know that in the morning there will be somebody waiting to take you in their arms. That somebody will love you, no matter what."

„She does not." Remus stood up wearily. „Oh, she likes me, but she does not love me. She told me so, many times."

Dr Matilykos' patience ran out. „Now cut that out! There are ways to show love without actually saying it. What witch in her right mind would let the ministry tattoo a permanent sign into her skin if she was not in love?"

„Sign?"

„You think the ministry would have let me re-infect you without the explicit consent of a life-mate? Oh, they registered her as a werewolf's mate, they marked her down."

„Serene took the tattoo?" Remus' voice was only a sigh.

„Any decent werewolf would buy a lovely ring now," snarled the doctor. „They like that, humans do."

„I need to get back to Hogwarts."

„Do you? Well, I won't keep you."

Remus smiled and stuck out a hand for the doctor to shake. After some hesitation Matilykos touched Lupin's hand, only to have them both wince and pull back immediately. On both wizard's neck hair stood up. Teeth bared involuntarily.

Remus gave a little shrug. He had met other male werewolves before, and it had always been the same. Their nature told them not to seek the company of other males who'd fight them for their territory. That was why they had never gained any considerable lobby with the government.

He bowed slightly.

„Thank you, doctor."

Matilykos smiled faintly, for the first time this evening, and went without greeting away over the lawn to where he had his broom hidden. But at the gate, several hundred meters from Lupin away he turned around one last time. A werewolf had no trouble to hear over that distance.

„Nice seeing you alive, Lupin."

* * *

Serene stood outside the „Three Broomsticks" and stared up at the moon. It still looked perfect and yet it was already waning. Had Remus survived the change last night?

Did she care at all?

Maybe Ben was right after all. Maybe fate had a sick sense of humor and let you walk for miles only to lead you back in circles to the very point you started out? And maybe she'd find some peace once she'd done what the dark part of her soul demanded.

She pulled her cloak thight around her shoulders. The spring night was lush, but she froze nonetheless. She'd never been cold before she'd met Remus. She'd never felt that much pain. Maybe it was time to end it once and for all.

With a last look back at the bright lights she let her broom circle around the pub and then took flight to Hogwarts.

* * *

In the staff room Professor Flitwick shot up from his seat so fast the chessboard between him and Minerva McGonagall toppled over. Pawns and queens fell with faint shouts of complaint.

Flitwick winced and clutched at his heart.

„Are you feeling sick again?" Minerva bowed down and checked the small wizard's face anxiously. „Shall I get Poppy?

Dumbledore was by his friend's side in the bat of an eyelid, although nobody had noticed him entering the room.

„What is it, Theodore?" he asked softly.

The Charms Professor looked up at the Headmaster with deep sorrow in his eyes.

„The web we spun … Somebody just pulled a thread. It is coming undone."