DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FF7 OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS
As Dio climbed up the rope ladder towards them, Cloud took the only option open to him. Unsheathing Ultima Weapon, he sliced cleanly through the top of the rope ladder. It fell to the ground, taking Dio with it.
"Maybe now we'll get some time to ourselves," Cloud grumbled to himself, re-attaching his weapon to the clips on his back.
But he was to be thwarted once more. He turned to face Tifa, but as he opened his mouth to speak, he saw something moving out of the corner of his eye.
"What is it this time?" he groaned.
The Dorky Faces were back. They'd shaken off the pursuing children, temporarily at least, and were re-focussing their collective attention on Cloud. Spotting him standing on the deck of the Highwind, they came floating over at high speed and began pelting him with Funny Breath.
"AAAARRGHH!" Cloud screamed, waving his sword in the air at the flying pumpkins.
Tifa, thinking he was screaming out of pain rather than frustration, ran to his aid and began punching Dorky Faces out of the sky, but there were too many of them. A steady stream was STILL pouring out of the top floor of the mansion. Cloud pushed his way out of the melee and ran to the Highwind's flight deck. Tifa was right behind him, being chased by the unstoppable rampage of pumpkins.
"There's nothing else for it, we'll just need to take off!" Cloud shouted. "If we can out-run them, we'll lose them somewhere then double back! Hold on to something, I'm takin' off!"
"Cloud, do you even know how to fly this thing?!" Tifa yelled over the noise of the engines starting, bracing herself against a heavy metal stanchion.
"Uh - I think so!" Cloud replied. "I piloted it that time when we had to bring Cid home from the Gold Saucer; remember when he was blind drunk and thought Barret was his wife?"
"Yeah," she said. "He also seemed to think that Yuffie was a priest. He kept trying to confess to her."
"I remember. Towards the end he thought the Venus Gospel was a garlic baguette," Cloud added. "I was kinda glad he fell over and knocked himself out at that point."
The engines came to full power and Cloud, manipulating the ship's controls with uncertain hands, succeeded in a vertical take-off.
"Now which button provides forward thrust?" he said to himself. "Oh, yeah, that red one. No sweat, Tifa, I can pilot this baby!!"
Unfortunately his confidence was misplaced as the Highwind went rocketing at high speed BACKWARDS, nearly taking the top floor off the Nibelheim mansion, and slowing to a halt over a copse of trees as Cloud got it under control.
"Okay, now I remember, it's the BLUE button that goes forwards!"
Tifa shrieked and hung on for dear life as the ship began to do a barrel roll. When it stopped she was sure she had lost her lunch somewhere during the spin.
"Oops," said Cloud. "Oh, that's the wrong one, it's THIS blue button!"
Thankfully this time he got it right, and the Highwind began cruising forward, Cloud gaining height to avoid hitting any trees or buildings. The Dorky Faces were being steadily left behind. Cloud looked back to see the horde of pumpkins struggling to keep up, and allowed himself a brief maniacal laugh. Finally he'd outsmarted them. In other circumstances he might not have taken such pride in outwitting a flying vegetable, but tonight he didn't care. Leaving the ship on auto-pilot, he ran over to where Tifa was still instinctively gripping the metal strut with all her strength. She relaxed her muscles as he approached.
"Well, I guess you can tell me now, whatever it is you want to say," she said. "It's weird how you keep getting interrupted, isn't it? Never mind, unless somebody's stowed away on the ship - "
As she said that, Cloud knew with a sickening certainty that somebody was BOUND to have stowed away on the ship. He'd have wagered all his Materia and gil, plus his sacred Ultima Weapon, on that person jumping out at any moment. He wasn't disappointed.
"Hey, Cloud!" came a girly voice from behind him.
It was Yuffie. She'd got bored with nobody serving her any drinks at the party as she was still 16, and had got on board the Highwind to think of some devious trick to play on Cid. Now she was dancing around Cloud, singing some irritating song, and pickpocketing his Materia when he wasn't looking.
"AAAARRRGH!!! NO!!! NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS!!" Cloud screamed.
He grabbed a parachute from a nearby shelf, thrust it into the startled Yuffie's arms, and threw her off the side of the ship.
"Cloud, what have you done?!" Tifa yelled, shocked. "She'll be killed!"
"Relax, honey, I gave her a parachute," said Cloud. "Now, back to what I was going to tell you. . ."
A bird, caught in the Highwind's slipstream, collided with his face and cast Lightning on him. It was a Thunderbird from the Wutai Area, which they were currently flying over. The bird in question decided it quite liked the look of Cloud's hair, and decided it would build a nest there. It flew off to find some twigs.
"No!!" Cloud wailed, falling to his knees and sobbing like a child. "Please, no more interruptions! I can't take it any more! Just let me have a few minutes!"
"Cloud, are you okay?" asked a concerned Tifa. "You haven't been overdoing your sword training again, have you?"
He looked up at her. Fine, he decided. He'd stop beating around the bush and get straight to the point. He'd simply have to tell her he loved her, without building up to it in some clever, romantic way.
"TIFA!" he exclaimed. "I LO - "
A rolled-up sock flew into his mouth, effectively gagging him. He looked up to see Reno, now wearing a top hat and a pair of fishing waders, running around the deck of the Highwind, still carrying the table cloth, giggling with hysterical glee, Barret and Cid both chasing after him furiously. Reno stopped to push a few of the buttons on the Highwind's control panel, before running off elsewhere. Suddenly the ship's stereo system began blasting out 1960s folk music at maximum volume, the landing gear was released, and the escape pod was jettisoned. Cloud and Tifa both ran to the control panel to turn the music off. No sooner had they done this than the ship began spinning round in an impossibly tight circle, sending Reno flying off the edge, yelling, "Wheeee!!" as he used the table cloth as a parachute. Cloud grabbed on to something to stop himself suffering the same fate, glad he hadn't had any party food to eat yet, or he'd have been decorating the Highwind's deck with it. He gave a wild swipe at the controls, only succeeding in making the ship spin even faster.
"TTTIIIFFAAA!!!" he yelled, going round in circles, light-headed and dizzy.
"WWHHAAAATTT???" she replied.
"IIII LLLOOOOVVVEEEE YOOUUU!!!" he announced.
"WWWHHHAAATTT??"
"DDIIDDNN'TTT YOUU HEARR MEE??!"
A pause. Then, "NNOOO!!"
He made another jab at the controls, this time getting lucky, stopping the ship spinning, send Cid and Barret flying into each other. Interruptions were coming thick and fast now. The Snow Witch from the Northern Glacier came flying past on a broomstick, cackling evilly a la Wicked Witch of the West. Cloud flung an Underwater Materia at her, scoring a direct hit, sending her flailing down towards a conveniently located hot spring. The Highwind dipped into a nosedive, sending Cid and Barret skittering across the deck, flattening Cloud against a wall. He pushed them aside. Aeris' ghost appeared before him, extending a spectral arm and whispering, "Cloud, you must avenge my death."
"I already did. 'scuse me."
He shoved her to one side and looked for Tifa. She was at the ship's controls, trying to pull the Highwind on to a more even keel. There was nobody else in sight.
"I can do it!" Cloud said to himself. "I can tell her now! All I have to do is say the words! Nothing can stop me!"
Naturally that was the cue for something to happen, in this case a large metal frying pan bouncing out of the Highwind's kitchen area to hit Cloud on the head, knocking him over backwards, sending him sliding into the guardrail at the edge of the ship. He began laughing like a maniac. It would take more than a few interruptions to stop him confessing his feelings for his beloved. Barret and Cid began clawing at his feet, trying to hold him back. Vincent, Cait Sith and Red XIII appeared from various doors, and did their best to get in the way, yabbering away incessantly in his ears, waving their arms to distract him, and obscuring his vision with Vincent's cloak.
"NOOO!"" he yelled. "I will prevail! You cannot distract me forever!"
They held on like grim death, preventing him from reaching Tifa. Suddenly something exploded in the ship's engine, and it began dropping vertically towards the ground. With a howl of terror, Red XIII was grabbed in the claws of Ultimate Weapon, who just happened to be flying by. The flame at the end of Red's tail set fire to Cait Sith, who ran around in a state of panic, waving his arms, and trying to put out the flames with his megaphone. Vincent transformed into the Chaos beast and flew off after Ultimate Weapon. Another explosion, and Cid and Barret disappeared off the edge of the Highwind, landing in Lucrecia's lake below. Tifa managed to bring the ship out of the steep dive, but it was still descending, rapidly approaching the Corel Desert.
"Get the parachutes!" Cloud yelled. "We're going to have to jump!"
Tifa dropped the ship's controls and grabbed two parachutes, throwing one to Cloud and strapping the other one on herself. They took each other's hands and leapt off the edge, landing safely in the desert. They watched as the Highwind plunged into the base of the Gold Saucer, causing a huge eruption of flame, toppling the theme park's structure and destroying the whole thing.
"Oops," said Tifa. "So what was it you wanted to tell me."
Cloud grinned. At last they were alone. There couldn't be anybody around for miles.
"Tifa," he said. "I lo - "
The sand around them began to shake, and they were thrown backwards as a huge red monster emerged from the sand. Ruby Weapon roared in fury at being disturbed, and prepared to destroy them.
"I love you, Tifa!!" Cloud screamed. "There, I said it! La, la, la!! I knew the interruptions couldn't last for ever! Wheeee! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!"
"Why - why, thankyou Cloud," she said slowly. "Couldn't you have told me a little earlier, like when we weren't facing sure and instant death?"
"Hey," he shrugged defensively. "I tried!"
As Dio climbed up the rope ladder towards them, Cloud took the only option open to him. Unsheathing Ultima Weapon, he sliced cleanly through the top of the rope ladder. It fell to the ground, taking Dio with it.
"Maybe now we'll get some time to ourselves," Cloud grumbled to himself, re-attaching his weapon to the clips on his back.
But he was to be thwarted once more. He turned to face Tifa, but as he opened his mouth to speak, he saw something moving out of the corner of his eye.
"What is it this time?" he groaned.
The Dorky Faces were back. They'd shaken off the pursuing children, temporarily at least, and were re-focussing their collective attention on Cloud. Spotting him standing on the deck of the Highwind, they came floating over at high speed and began pelting him with Funny Breath.
"AAAARRGHH!" Cloud screamed, waving his sword in the air at the flying pumpkins.
Tifa, thinking he was screaming out of pain rather than frustration, ran to his aid and began punching Dorky Faces out of the sky, but there were too many of them. A steady stream was STILL pouring out of the top floor of the mansion. Cloud pushed his way out of the melee and ran to the Highwind's flight deck. Tifa was right behind him, being chased by the unstoppable rampage of pumpkins.
"There's nothing else for it, we'll just need to take off!" Cloud shouted. "If we can out-run them, we'll lose them somewhere then double back! Hold on to something, I'm takin' off!"
"Cloud, do you even know how to fly this thing?!" Tifa yelled over the noise of the engines starting, bracing herself against a heavy metal stanchion.
"Uh - I think so!" Cloud replied. "I piloted it that time when we had to bring Cid home from the Gold Saucer; remember when he was blind drunk and thought Barret was his wife?"
"Yeah," she said. "He also seemed to think that Yuffie was a priest. He kept trying to confess to her."
"I remember. Towards the end he thought the Venus Gospel was a garlic baguette," Cloud added. "I was kinda glad he fell over and knocked himself out at that point."
The engines came to full power and Cloud, manipulating the ship's controls with uncertain hands, succeeded in a vertical take-off.
"Now which button provides forward thrust?" he said to himself. "Oh, yeah, that red one. No sweat, Tifa, I can pilot this baby!!"
Unfortunately his confidence was misplaced as the Highwind went rocketing at high speed BACKWARDS, nearly taking the top floor off the Nibelheim mansion, and slowing to a halt over a copse of trees as Cloud got it under control.
"Okay, now I remember, it's the BLUE button that goes forwards!"
Tifa shrieked and hung on for dear life as the ship began to do a barrel roll. When it stopped she was sure she had lost her lunch somewhere during the spin.
"Oops," said Cloud. "Oh, that's the wrong one, it's THIS blue button!"
Thankfully this time he got it right, and the Highwind began cruising forward, Cloud gaining height to avoid hitting any trees or buildings. The Dorky Faces were being steadily left behind. Cloud looked back to see the horde of pumpkins struggling to keep up, and allowed himself a brief maniacal laugh. Finally he'd outsmarted them. In other circumstances he might not have taken such pride in outwitting a flying vegetable, but tonight he didn't care. Leaving the ship on auto-pilot, he ran over to where Tifa was still instinctively gripping the metal strut with all her strength. She relaxed her muscles as he approached.
"Well, I guess you can tell me now, whatever it is you want to say," she said. "It's weird how you keep getting interrupted, isn't it? Never mind, unless somebody's stowed away on the ship - "
As she said that, Cloud knew with a sickening certainty that somebody was BOUND to have stowed away on the ship. He'd have wagered all his Materia and gil, plus his sacred Ultima Weapon, on that person jumping out at any moment. He wasn't disappointed.
"Hey, Cloud!" came a girly voice from behind him.
It was Yuffie. She'd got bored with nobody serving her any drinks at the party as she was still 16, and had got on board the Highwind to think of some devious trick to play on Cid. Now she was dancing around Cloud, singing some irritating song, and pickpocketing his Materia when he wasn't looking.
"AAAARRRGH!!! NO!!! NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS!!" Cloud screamed.
He grabbed a parachute from a nearby shelf, thrust it into the startled Yuffie's arms, and threw her off the side of the ship.
"Cloud, what have you done?!" Tifa yelled, shocked. "She'll be killed!"
"Relax, honey, I gave her a parachute," said Cloud. "Now, back to what I was going to tell you. . ."
A bird, caught in the Highwind's slipstream, collided with his face and cast Lightning on him. It was a Thunderbird from the Wutai Area, which they were currently flying over. The bird in question decided it quite liked the look of Cloud's hair, and decided it would build a nest there. It flew off to find some twigs.
"No!!" Cloud wailed, falling to his knees and sobbing like a child. "Please, no more interruptions! I can't take it any more! Just let me have a few minutes!"
"Cloud, are you okay?" asked a concerned Tifa. "You haven't been overdoing your sword training again, have you?"
He looked up at her. Fine, he decided. He'd stop beating around the bush and get straight to the point. He'd simply have to tell her he loved her, without building up to it in some clever, romantic way.
"TIFA!" he exclaimed. "I LO - "
A rolled-up sock flew into his mouth, effectively gagging him. He looked up to see Reno, now wearing a top hat and a pair of fishing waders, running around the deck of the Highwind, still carrying the table cloth, giggling with hysterical glee, Barret and Cid both chasing after him furiously. Reno stopped to push a few of the buttons on the Highwind's control panel, before running off elsewhere. Suddenly the ship's stereo system began blasting out 1960s folk music at maximum volume, the landing gear was released, and the escape pod was jettisoned. Cloud and Tifa both ran to the control panel to turn the music off. No sooner had they done this than the ship began spinning round in an impossibly tight circle, sending Reno flying off the edge, yelling, "Wheeee!!" as he used the table cloth as a parachute. Cloud grabbed on to something to stop himself suffering the same fate, glad he hadn't had any party food to eat yet, or he'd have been decorating the Highwind's deck with it. He gave a wild swipe at the controls, only succeeding in making the ship spin even faster.
"TTTIIIFFAAA!!!" he yelled, going round in circles, light-headed and dizzy.
"WWHHAAAATTT???" she replied.
"IIII LLLOOOOVVVEEEE YOOUUU!!!" he announced.
"WWWHHHAAATTT??"
"DDIIDDNN'TTT YOUU HEARR MEE??!"
A pause. Then, "NNOOO!!"
He made another jab at the controls, this time getting lucky, stopping the ship spinning, send Cid and Barret flying into each other. Interruptions were coming thick and fast now. The Snow Witch from the Northern Glacier came flying past on a broomstick, cackling evilly a la Wicked Witch of the West. Cloud flung an Underwater Materia at her, scoring a direct hit, sending her flailing down towards a conveniently located hot spring. The Highwind dipped into a nosedive, sending Cid and Barret skittering across the deck, flattening Cloud against a wall. He pushed them aside. Aeris' ghost appeared before him, extending a spectral arm and whispering, "Cloud, you must avenge my death."
"I already did. 'scuse me."
He shoved her to one side and looked for Tifa. She was at the ship's controls, trying to pull the Highwind on to a more even keel. There was nobody else in sight.
"I can do it!" Cloud said to himself. "I can tell her now! All I have to do is say the words! Nothing can stop me!"
Naturally that was the cue for something to happen, in this case a large metal frying pan bouncing out of the Highwind's kitchen area to hit Cloud on the head, knocking him over backwards, sending him sliding into the guardrail at the edge of the ship. He began laughing like a maniac. It would take more than a few interruptions to stop him confessing his feelings for his beloved. Barret and Cid began clawing at his feet, trying to hold him back. Vincent, Cait Sith and Red XIII appeared from various doors, and did their best to get in the way, yabbering away incessantly in his ears, waving their arms to distract him, and obscuring his vision with Vincent's cloak.
"NOOO!"" he yelled. "I will prevail! You cannot distract me forever!"
They held on like grim death, preventing him from reaching Tifa. Suddenly something exploded in the ship's engine, and it began dropping vertically towards the ground. With a howl of terror, Red XIII was grabbed in the claws of Ultimate Weapon, who just happened to be flying by. The flame at the end of Red's tail set fire to Cait Sith, who ran around in a state of panic, waving his arms, and trying to put out the flames with his megaphone. Vincent transformed into the Chaos beast and flew off after Ultimate Weapon. Another explosion, and Cid and Barret disappeared off the edge of the Highwind, landing in Lucrecia's lake below. Tifa managed to bring the ship out of the steep dive, but it was still descending, rapidly approaching the Corel Desert.
"Get the parachutes!" Cloud yelled. "We're going to have to jump!"
Tifa dropped the ship's controls and grabbed two parachutes, throwing one to Cloud and strapping the other one on herself. They took each other's hands and leapt off the edge, landing safely in the desert. They watched as the Highwind plunged into the base of the Gold Saucer, causing a huge eruption of flame, toppling the theme park's structure and destroying the whole thing.
"Oops," said Tifa. "So what was it you wanted to tell me."
Cloud grinned. At last they were alone. There couldn't be anybody around for miles.
"Tifa," he said. "I lo - "
The sand around them began to shake, and they were thrown backwards as a huge red monster emerged from the sand. Ruby Weapon roared in fury at being disturbed, and prepared to destroy them.
"I love you, Tifa!!" Cloud screamed. "There, I said it! La, la, la!! I knew the interruptions couldn't last for ever! Wheeee! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!"
"Why - why, thankyou Cloud," she said slowly. "Couldn't you have told me a little earlier, like when we weren't facing sure and instant death?"
"Hey," he shrugged defensively. "I tried!"