I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to update, people..... all you need to know is my computer died then was resurrected. Enjoy! Looking forward to hearing what you think about the manic stuff below! *_* Sonette
Chapter 3: Much, much worse....!
"Jon, you idiot!" yelled Alanna, landing with a thump at the bottom of the hole that the trapdoor had opened out in to. She got up and dusted herself off. She looked around; she appeared to be in some kind of a hole.
"Got to get out." She grimaced, walking. "It's the king and queen's anniversary dinner tonight.... Hahahaha! It won't be much of an anniversary though, not if I have my way!"
Alanna smirked and walked away. Two cockroaches which had crawled on to her boot exchanged glances.
"Is she mad?" asked one in cockroach talk.
"Quite possibly. All humans are." Returned the other.
"Well, seeing as we are stuck to her boot, we'll find out! Laughed the first as they were carried away.
"ALANNA!!!!!" wailed Jon, shoving his head down the trapdoor. "WHERE ARE YOU????"
"Nevvvvver mind!" snapped Duke Baird. "There isssssss more presssssing matters on your mind!"
"I say Bardy, you do sound awfully like a snake!" observed Jon.
"I doesssssss not." Said Duke Baird with dignity.
"Whatever you say. But Alanna's gone, fallen down the hole!" wept Jon. "The DIY murder failed! I knew I should have hired an assassin!"
"Alanna will gggggget oooout." Snapped Duke Baird. "Now, myyy kingggggg, whatssssss isssss you going to dooo about the ennnnntertainment for ttttttthe dinner tonight, little one?"
"I'm not that little." Said Jon indignantly. "I've got a better figure than you!" He looked worriedly down at himself and poked his stomach, wondering whether he should have eaten all those Yamani sugar cubes that were meant for Roald and Kalasin last week.....
"You can do the entertainment, Bardy." He said. "I'm more worried about getting Alanna back!"
Duke Baird slunk away.
"Exxxxxcellent............" he hissed.
"My doting lamb!" simpered Raoul, gazingy lovingly at one of his bad sketches of Buri. This particular one had an oversized head, abnormally shaped legs and a neck like a pillar. "It will be wondrous tonight, when I slip the glorious potion of love in to your food! I know you love me really, parsnip, you only need a teeny bit of artificial encouragement!"
He looked suspiciously at the love potion. It was blue. This bothered him.
"I hope Aunty Eleni didn't give me a different potion out of- out of- a petty act of spite!" he burst out. He sudenly imagined the potion in truth being a hate potion which would make his divine cauliflower despise him for eternity.....
"Nooo!" he wailed in panic. "Surely Aunty El would not trick me so?"
"Raoul," came Buri's matter of fact voice from the other side of his door. "Why are you talking to yourself?"
Raoul flew to the door with superhuman speed and flung it open, jumping out to embrace Burin. Unfortunately she had moved to the side and he fell on a guard instead. Buri walked away shaking her head.
Raoul looked at the guard in disgust. "You are not my sweetmeat." He said disgustedly.
"You what?" the guard blinked.
Raoul was already flying after Buri. It was odd how he could suddenly move so fast when his celestial parsnip was concerned.
"My macaroni!" he called. "Will you be attending the dinner tonight?"
"Yes." Buri said guardedly.
Raoul made up his mind to impress Buri by dressing smartly.
"Tell me, oh starry eyed marrow, what is your favourite colour?" he inquired in a saintly voice.
Buri was tired of Raoul.
"Pink." She said sarcastically.
"Pink!" cried Raoul in delight. "How delicious! Fear not my potato, i shall appear in pink tonight!"
He ran off to find a pink suit. Buri shook her head.
"Poor soul." She murmured.
"You can say that again.... sweetmeat." Teased the guard. Buri glared at him then ran away screaming.
"RAOUL'S NAMES! THEY'RE CATCHING!" she screamed. "HIS DISEASE MUST BE CONTAGIOUS!!!!!! NOOOOOO!"
"What's up with her?" the guard muttered. "You'd think sweetmeat was an insult. Uh... depending on whether you're vegetarian or not, I suppose."
"King issss fool." Duke Baird laughed to himself. "Heeeee hasssss left me, the dashing, ravishingly handsome, action hero DUKE BAIRD SERIAL KILLER in charge of eeeeeentertaaaainment. That... issss perfect! I ssssshall be able to execute my massssster plan!"
He chuckled and reached for his choice of entertainment; a play called, 'DEATH OF THE QUEEN' by D. Baird.
"They ssshall not know I wrote it seeeing as I hassss cleverly dissssguissssed my name in the title." He gloated. "Thisss play ssssshall bring me what I have desssired mossssst, ever sssssince I wassss a bay in a craaaadle..... THE POWER TO RULE THE WORLD! Tortall, that isss." He corrected himself.
"Nowww..... I must firssssst dissspossse of various people who might sssstand in my way before I cassssst the play."
He disappeared in a flurry of black. He briefly wondered whether he was making himself a bit too obvious by wearing a black cloak, a mask and carrying a knife dripping with blood. He decided he wasn't and disappeared.
Onua dragged Numair back to his and Daine's room. It had taken a long time to do this; Numair had developed an irrational love of the Dancing Dove's door and had clung on to it for over two hours, refusing to leave. She had eventually managed to get him home after bribing Cloud and Darkmoon to pull him away from the door with a box of Carthaakian marrow seeds, which the pony and horse were particularly fond of.
"Now Numair, some back to Daine!" she stressed.
"Wife!" babaled Numair.
"Yes, your wife!" agreed Onua, wondering if Daine would sell her Numair for 50 gold pieces and a sack of Scanran potatoes, which were very rare and only grew in wine.
However, a note was pinned to Daine's door:
Gon to Cathak with Kader, Wont be bak. Anyon who want Numare can have him. Love Daine.
Onua quickly decoded this badly spelt message.
"WHAT?" she screeched. "Daine's run off with Cathak to be Empress with that little boy whatever his name was! The cheek! After all we did for her!"
"Kaddar bad." Said Numair suddenly.
"Yes." Agreed Onua.
"Pink nighty with carnations!" Numair pointed at himself.
"Seeing as that girl you live with has run off, you can be mine now." Onua decided.
"NO." Said Numair definitely. "Won't be yours. You have big nose."
Onua screamed and grabbed him....
"They won't do, swan! No, no, no!" screamed Raoul, flinging the clothes Kuri Tailor had given him away. "They simply aren't PINK."
"This one is vaguely maroon." Kuri offered him a tunic but Raoul tore it up.
"I said PINK and I meant PINK!" he wailed.
"Pink has never been fashionable and never will be." She told him.
"Nonsense." Said Raoul stiffly. "It is my dindum's favourite colour. My little twinkletoes has the best taste in the world."
"If you say so." Kuri groaned.
"You know, kestrel features, your name is Kuri." Said Raoul suddenly.
"I know." Said Kuri, wondering if Raoul was mad.
"It rhymes with Buri!" cried Raoul in delight.
Kuri screamed and grabbed a vastly oversized sewing needle and hit Raoul over the head (a trick learned from her good friend Eleni). She threw him out of her room with a label stuck on him reading, "PLEASE REMOVE."
"Older women are dangerous." Raoul murmured before falling unconscious.
"Daddy!" squealed Roald, coming across his father in the hall, half stuck down a hole. "What are you doing?"
"Hop it, brat!" snapped Jon. "I'm trying to rescue Alanna!"
"Oh, Alanna!" Roald said knowingly. "Woman with red hair who calls Mummy a hag."
"Yes. You must call her Mummy Alanna from now on." Jon commanded. As an afterthought he added, "And you must call Mummy the hag."
"Can I call you the twit?" asked Roald.
"WHAT?" yelled Jon. "I'm not a twit!"
"That's what the hag calls you to Daddy George." Roald replied.
Jon crawled out of the trapdoor and clutched Roald.
"Daddy George?" he demanded suspiciously.
Roald nodded his head. "Yes. The hag said we had to call Uncle George Daddy George." He beamed. "Now I have two mummies and two daddies! Aren't I lucky!"
"The sooner me and Alanna are married the better!" Jon growled.
"Hello." Said Alanna.
"WAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" yelled Jon in shock. "Alanna! You got out!"
"Yes." Said Alanna dryly. "What were you trying to do with the trapdoor idea anyway?"
Jon looked sulky. "Kill the mutt." He muttered.
"Moggie." Corrected Alanna. "It's your fault he's back anyway."
"Don't I know it." Scowled Jon.
"Where is Faithful anyway?" Alanna asked.
The cat was gone.
"Don't care." Said Jon.
"Mummy Alanna, are you going to save the world?" Roald asked.
"Yes, duck." Alanna cooed.
"Mummy Alanna..." said Roald seriously. "If you're my mummy now, can I still marry Alianne or is it wrong?"
"Um, maybe." Said Alanna. "Run and play whilst me and Daddy save the world."
"ok." Said Roald.
"I'm so proud of my son!" simpered Jon. "thinking about marriage already! He is advanced!"
Thom and Delia had run out of the prisons, taking care not to be seen.
"Where are we?" Thom hissed.
"I've no idea, Thommy." Delia looked upset. "I think it might be some kind of a kitchen though...."
She prodded some pots and pans. In the corner of the room was a VERY large tin with some sort of brown mix in it. Delia and Thom examined it.
"Magic soil?" said Delia doubtfully.
"Maybe." Said Thom. "So, Delia, what action should be take now?"
Just then they heard footsteps approaching the room.
"Quick!" hissed Thom. "We must hide or we will be arrested!"
"Where can we hide?" wept Delia.
Thom jumped in to the brown mix and pulled Delia in after him. They concealed themselves under it.
"EUGH! What is this stuff!" screamed Delia.
"Never mind, we'll only be hiding in it for a minute! Now conceal your head!" hissed Thom.
They his, and people entered the room.
"Right!" called a bossy woman's voice. "Let's place the giant cake in the giant oven!" Thom and Delia felt their 'hiding place' begin to move!
"UH oh!" whispered Thom.
A minute later things suddenly got very hot..... Thom poked his head out.
"Oh dear." He said slowly.
Delia emerged. "What?"
Thom gulped. "I think we're about to be baked in a cake!"
Raoul woke up.
"Where can I get something PINK from to prove my blossoming apple?" he said to himself. At this point he was passing Numair's door and he heard banging from inside. He poked his head in to see Numair cowering under a table and Onua throwing just about everything in the room that she could lay her hands on at him.
"MY NOSE IS PERFECT!" she screamed as she threw one of Daine's shoes at Numair's head.
"Horsey woman, what is wrong?" Raoul exclaimed.
"HE SAID MY NOSE WAS BIG!" Onua shouted in fury, flinging a rubber duck with no beak at Numair.
"It is rather oversized." Raoul nodded, then quickly smiled fakely as Onua leapt at him. "Just a jest, my pony friend!"
"Good." Growled Onua. "I used to really like Numair, but he always had that impudent schoolgirl Daine."
Raoul clasped her hand. "Unrequited love. I know how it feels. My chick pea pretends she does not love me either."
"Yeah, well, now I finally get close to Numair and he says my nose is big!" Onua wailed. "I know the unicorn fever left him stark out, but, well! Plus he wears that REVOLTING nighty with rose, poppies, buttercups, whatever they are on it!"
But Raoul was staring at Numair's nighty in delight.
"Tiny foal!" he gasped. "the nighty is PINK!"
"So what?" demanded Onua.
Raoul clutched her hand. "You do not understand! I am searching for something pink to wear so I can impress my dove tail tonight! The nighty is perfect!"
"You can have it." Said Onua promptly. "Only if you give him your clothes though."
"But of course!" smiled Raoul.
"NO!" screamed Numair in terror as they leapt upon him....
Duke Baird sidled up to Alanna and Jon.
"Greetingssss!" he hissed.
"Oh, halloo again, Bardy!" grinned Jon.
"I have deccided on tonightssss entertainment!" he replied. "Issss a play called Death of the Queen!"
"What a brilliant title." Decided Alanna and Jon simulatanously. They galred at each other.
"Stop stealing my line!" Jon yelled.
"Stop stealing my line!" Alanna shouted at the same time.
"Pardon?" they both asked.
"Nothing!" they both said after that.
"Yessss, well, "Duke Baird was rather annoyed at being interrupted. "I am casssssting play now and I heard that Alaaaaaana isss very gooood actresssssss."
"Yeah well, she did pose as a boy for 8 years so I should say she very well is!" Jon declared.
"Ummmm, yes." Alana muttered.
"Alanna, you havessss the part of the murderer!" Duke Baird said.
"How do you know my plans, damn you?" Alanna yelled, going red. Then she looked a bit guilty and stuttered, "Um.... er.... yes, okay, I'll act any part you want."
"Gooooood." Duke Baird purred. "There issssss not many linessssss. What you hasssss to remember isssss to kill the Queen in the play with aaaaa fake knife which I givesssss to you later. It hassssss knife which is blunt and movesssss in to handle when it isssssss sssssstabbed at something."
"Who's acting the queen.?" Alanna wanted to know.
"Thayet." Was the answer.
"Groovy!" exclaimed Jon.
Duke Baird left cackling just as people in the background began to scream that the Provost had been found suffocated by a woolly scarf..... The mysterious killer's second victim.....
"I look fine." Decided Raoul, looking down at the nighty, pleased.
"Yes!" laughed Onua, who didn't say that the nighty was
too short very grubby ridiculous Daine's Had carnations (or whatever they were) embroidered on themAnd f. PINK.
"My flower puss shall fall for me without event the potion!" Raoul decided and twirled out.
People began to get ready for the dinner that night. They were saddened by the new news that Myles had been found drowned in the bathroom sink, making the third murder but that was a minor detail. Eyewitnesses said that the killer had been seen running away.... and they wore black, so all guards were on the look out for a person dressed in black who was suspicious. Thayet and George, who were now relatively sober and clad in some clothes borrowed from Coram and the lusty Rispah which made them look like coal miners had returned. Thayet was looking forward to playing the queen in Duke Baird's play, even if the queen was murdered- stabbed, Still, it was just a play.
But then Thayet didn't know that the wicked Duke Baird: Serial Killer had substituted the fake knife for a real one....
Here ends part 3 of Partners in Crime.
Will Thayet fall to the intensely evil Bardy's plan?
Will Raoul's pink nighty and love potion manage to charm his darling asparagus?
Will Roald sort his mummy and daddy problem out?
Where is Faithful?
Will Delia and Thom be turned in to cake mix?
Will Jon, Alanna, Thayet and George finally sort out all their problems?
All will be revealed in Part Four.
Stay tuned, and hope you enjoyed Instalment no 3!