Not much to say . . .
STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY!!!!!!!! . . . . I don't own Kenshin; like I said, he's Kaoru's!
*********************************************************************
Kaoru opened her eyes slowly, blurry vision filling her sight. She brought her hand up to her face and rubbed gently, feeling the sudden onrush of fatigue. *Why do I feel so tired?* she asked herself, noting the way her eyes stung and her head felt heavy. She recalled Megumi's quiet words as she cried, knowing the older woman had tried to help her through what had almost happened. She let out a silent groan at the movement she made and pain shot up her whole back. When those men had her against the wall, her hands restrained, she struggled so much that she had bruised her spinal column. After being so forcefully pushed, and her body being thin and not covered by much fat or skin, Megumi had informed her it would hurt to move around for a few days. She did everything she could to lie still, and removed her hand from her face, trying to focus her mind on her surroundings instead of her discomfort.
She could tell it was dark outside; no light shone anywhere through the shoji in her room. Kaoru listened intently; she could barely distinguish shapes in the blackness of her room, and she realized that no one was awake in the dojo. The previous times Kaoru had gone to bed before Kenshin and Yahiko, she was always able to hear them moving about, often times catching their soft conversations in other parts of the house. Now, as she listened, she couldn't hear anything. A moment later, a deep sigh came from just to her left. Startled, she let out a gasp.
"Kenshin . . . ?" she questioned in the dark.
"Aa, Kaoru-dono, Sessha is here," he replied in a whisper.
She picked her head up from her pillow and looked to her left, squinting her eyes in hopes of seeing better. He lit a candle a few minutes later, and her eyes adjusted slowly to the soft light.
"Nani . . . What are you doing in here?" she asked. "Where is everyone?"
There was that sigh again. Kaoru couldn't help but frown, noticing how he sat, bent over himself with his eyes covered and his face half-obscured. It wasn't like Kenshin to sit in her room this way and she couldn't remember the last time she heard him sigh.
"Daijobu ka?" she questioned. He looked up quickly, as though she'd struck him.
"How can you ask Sessha that? Sessha should be asking you that, Kaoru- dono."
Something in the way he spoke, the way his lavender eyes shimmered in the candle-light told her something wrong had happened. And it wasn't about her. She forced herself to sit upright, unable to withhold the strangled sound that escaped her lips as a fresh wave of discomfort flowed through her. Pushing the blankets off, amidst the useless protests of her concerned rurouni, Kaoru crawled the few feet across the floor to curl herself into Kenshin's lap. She wrapped her arms behind his back and put her head against his chest, listening to the steady pumping of his heart as he enveloped her in his embrace. Leaning his head down, putting his lips on the crown of her head, he took a deep breath of her calming scent and spoke quietly into her silky raven hair.
"Sessha hurt that man that attacked you, Kaoru-dono."
"What do you mean, Kenshin? What happened?" she tightened her arms around him and tried to snuggle closer to him, as impossible as it seemed. She wanted-needed-his strength, his support. She felt if she had that, she could withstand anything.
"They believe Sessha killed him," he told her. She felt a shudder go through him and understood that at that moment, Kenshin needed her strength, her support more than he could realize.
"Who's 'they'? Who thinks you killed him?"
"The authorities have said that Dr. Gensai provided conclusive evidence that Taroumaru Totosai died of wounds inflicted by my sakabato sword," he told her. He tried to keep his voice calm, reminding himself that she was okay now, but the images of her between those men, the image of her body hung from the wall with Enishi's sword pierced through her chest, kept his voice from remaining steady.
"Kenshin, you couldn't have killed him. Are they positive it was from your sword?" she returned, not acknowledging his fear-filled tone or giving any evidence that she believed he could have killed again. She hadn't even asked. Kaoru simply knew he hadn't done it. Her belief in him was more than refreshing; it kept him going when he thought he couldn't endure any more pain. The truth of the matter was . . . he simply couldn't remember.
"Iie, demo . . . who else carries a sakabato sword? Who else fought with him that day, besides Sessha? Even if Sessha didn't do it, Sessha is still responsible, that he is."
"Kenshin-no-baka!" she whined from beneath him. "It's not your fault if someone came along afterward! You came to help me. You aren't responsible if you were defending me."
"Iie, Kaoru-dono. Sessha has not told you everything . . ." Kenshin said in a timid voice.
The hesitation in her voice made her lift her head, meeting his lavender eyes directly.
"Nani?"
"Sessha . . . when he saw you like that got very . . . angry." Even as he said the word, something in his voice changed, something in the way he spoke. Kaoru recognized the Battosai part of him peeking out through those darkened irises and it might have scared her if he hadn't been so afraid a moment before.
"Sessha," he continued in a renewed voice, "He heard you screaming and everything stopped. All Sessha knew was that he had to get you back, had to keep you safe, Kaoru-dono. When Sessha attacked Taroumaru Totosai, he was not in control, not aware of anything. Sessha only relaxed after you had been brought home safely. Sessha . . . Sessha might have hit him too hard with his sakabato," he admitted at last.
Kaoru didn't know what to say. She opened her mouth to speak then closed it. Her second attempt didn't succeed much either.
Finally Kenshin just lowered his head, covered his eyes with his bangs and kept his arms around her silently, waiting for her reaction. Kaoru couldn't give him one so she settled against his chest and listened to his heart, letting the constant beating fill the devastating silence.
"Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono," he told her after a while.
"For what, Kenshin? You didn't do anything wrong," she told him gently. The last thing she wanted for him was guilt and self-remorse. Too many people had given him the idea that the only atonement for him was self- condemnation and shame. She didn't agree with those people.
Besides, he'd said himself that he'd found the answer for his atonement. He'd continue to fight for those he cared for without killing.
Now he had returned to the old days of inner-blame? He persisted to refer to himself as Sessha-she knew he'd never grow out of that-but she refused to let him feel responsible for the morning's events when he'd done his best to keep her safe. She didn't blame him, why should he blame himself?
"Sessha let you down, Kaoru-dono. Like before . . ."
"Dame!" she yelled suddenly, looking into his face angrily. She grabbed his haori and though the movement hurt her back, she continued to hold onto him. "I will NOT let you blame yourself, Kenshin. This is not your fault and even if you don't believe it, I KNOW you didn't kill that man. You've fought too hard to give up like this . . . we'll get through it. I know we will."
Kenshin slowly met her eyes, the fire of the candle reflected in her deep blue gaze, her features intent and focused. He smiled inwardly at the courage she possessed and realized all over again why he loved her so much. Outwardly, he brought his hand to caress the smoothness of her cheek and cradled her head in his palm. She nudged against his hand and closed her eyes, enjoying the affection.
Kenshin watched her through awe-struck eyes and spoke quietly, content when she kept her eyes closed despite his having broken the silence.
"Arigato, Kaoru-dono."
"Kenshin, I'll always be here for you . . . even when you think you have to leave, even when you feel far away, I'll always be here."
Incredibly, Kenshin felt the tips of his lips curl upward and continued to watch the girl in his lap. "I know," he told her.
* 'I know,'* her mind echoed. *Not 'Sessha' but 'I'. . .* Kaoru couldn't help but open her eyes at that. She found only love and understanding in his eyes, no trace of Battosai who had taken over his mind hours before. *Oh, Kenshin, I hope you do know that,* she told him silently with her own eyes.
Once again, she returned to her position with her head against his chest. However, when he wrapped his arms tighter around her, he rubbed the bruises against her back and elicited a thick hiss of breath as the oxygen left her lungs in a painful rush.
"Kaoru-dono, daijobu ka?" he asked worriedly.
"Ah, Kenshin," she sighed painfully, "I have bruises on my back. You touched them, that's all," she replied.
The next moment she found herself lifted from Kenshin's lap and the floor as he held her delicately in his embrace, managing not to touch her back at all. He walked her to her sleeping mat and set her down gently. Settling her under the covers and in a comfortable position, he sat back on his knees, gazing at her hair spread beautifully across the pillow. Her skin glowed a magnificent crème in the illumination from the candle and he couldn't help but smile back at her happy face.
"Will you stay with me, Kenshin? Onegai . . .? I don't want to be alone tonight," she told him, her smile fading at the violent memories returning to her mind.
He considered her question a moment. Honestly, he had not intended on her waking any further in the night and had planned to stay and guard her in her room while she slept. She had woken up instead and he wasn't certain he ought to be in her room in the first place. Still, he knew she wanted him there and he would rather watch over her inside than sit outside her shoji.
"Aa, Sessha will remain with you, Kaoru-dono." He sat on the floor beside her head, his back against the wall and sakabato in the middle of his legs. Kaoru settled into her bed and stretched her arm out to wrap it around his waist. She inched closer to him until she'd buried her face in between the wall and his kimono so that Kenshin couldn't see her face.
Her breathing slowed, the air going in and out of her mouth at a steady rate, and Kenshin knew she'd fallen asleep, virtually tucked in the space behind him. He brought his hand down to rest on her side, carefully gentle and still so as not to disturb her, and felt the movements of her ribs as she continued to breathe evenly. The motions were calming to him and while sleep was kept at bay-far from his mind-just sitting beside her relaxed him, allowing him to remain unplagued by guilt. Knowing he was there to protect HIS Kaoru was the only thought he needed to stay awake and alert.
"Sleep, Kaoru-dono . . ." he told the slumbering girl. "Sleep and Sessha will protect you."
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Reader Response:
Jason M. Lee: Well, I think this chapter was all about me . . . LOL
C-Chan: 3 times! You were way too excited when you reviewed! But I like the enthusiasm! I was going to put Kenshin in jail but I decided he got out on good behaviour. However, he might end up there still . . . ohhhhh. Anyway, don't offer to e-mail my professors . . . I might have to take you up on that :P Thanks though!
Crystal: You keep thinking that . . . and we'll see who's right at the end ::smiles::
Mae: As each chapter goes on I'm getting more into the story . . . I'm glad you think it's gotten smoother though. Makes me happy when people notice my writing style! YAY! Please keep me on my toes!
Joshy (the SugarLoaf): I like Megumi's laughing at the beginning because I think it works well with her. She thought they were joking because she couldn't believe Kenshin really killed a man. But I told you all that already. :P XOXOXO
Calger459: I didn't like the 'Sessha' and the 'de gozaru' at first either but I think it gives something to Kenshin's character that you don't get without it. When you watch the anime translated, they don't tell you that stuff and I think Kenshin's character wouldn't be saying that w/out good reason. If it sounds totally horrible, just pretend it means what you know I'm trying to say or you can just ignore it all together. After all, I'm not Japanese, I'm just doing that American thing by trying to be like the Japanese writers. But I'm glad you liked the rest of it . . . I'm trying to make it work. Let me know if you have any other critiques, I think they make the story work. Thanks for telling me what you thought. YAY for you!!!
*********************************************************************
That's it for now . . . at least. Did you like it?
:P
STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY!!!!!!!! . . . . I don't own Kenshin; like I said, he's Kaoru's!
*********************************************************************
Kaoru opened her eyes slowly, blurry vision filling her sight. She brought her hand up to her face and rubbed gently, feeling the sudden onrush of fatigue. *Why do I feel so tired?* she asked herself, noting the way her eyes stung and her head felt heavy. She recalled Megumi's quiet words as she cried, knowing the older woman had tried to help her through what had almost happened. She let out a silent groan at the movement she made and pain shot up her whole back. When those men had her against the wall, her hands restrained, she struggled so much that she had bruised her spinal column. After being so forcefully pushed, and her body being thin and not covered by much fat or skin, Megumi had informed her it would hurt to move around for a few days. She did everything she could to lie still, and removed her hand from her face, trying to focus her mind on her surroundings instead of her discomfort.
She could tell it was dark outside; no light shone anywhere through the shoji in her room. Kaoru listened intently; she could barely distinguish shapes in the blackness of her room, and she realized that no one was awake in the dojo. The previous times Kaoru had gone to bed before Kenshin and Yahiko, she was always able to hear them moving about, often times catching their soft conversations in other parts of the house. Now, as she listened, she couldn't hear anything. A moment later, a deep sigh came from just to her left. Startled, she let out a gasp.
"Kenshin . . . ?" she questioned in the dark.
"Aa, Kaoru-dono, Sessha is here," he replied in a whisper.
She picked her head up from her pillow and looked to her left, squinting her eyes in hopes of seeing better. He lit a candle a few minutes later, and her eyes adjusted slowly to the soft light.
"Nani . . . What are you doing in here?" she asked. "Where is everyone?"
There was that sigh again. Kaoru couldn't help but frown, noticing how he sat, bent over himself with his eyes covered and his face half-obscured. It wasn't like Kenshin to sit in her room this way and she couldn't remember the last time she heard him sigh.
"Daijobu ka?" she questioned. He looked up quickly, as though she'd struck him.
"How can you ask Sessha that? Sessha should be asking you that, Kaoru- dono."
Something in the way he spoke, the way his lavender eyes shimmered in the candle-light told her something wrong had happened. And it wasn't about her. She forced herself to sit upright, unable to withhold the strangled sound that escaped her lips as a fresh wave of discomfort flowed through her. Pushing the blankets off, amidst the useless protests of her concerned rurouni, Kaoru crawled the few feet across the floor to curl herself into Kenshin's lap. She wrapped her arms behind his back and put her head against his chest, listening to the steady pumping of his heart as he enveloped her in his embrace. Leaning his head down, putting his lips on the crown of her head, he took a deep breath of her calming scent and spoke quietly into her silky raven hair.
"Sessha hurt that man that attacked you, Kaoru-dono."
"What do you mean, Kenshin? What happened?" she tightened her arms around him and tried to snuggle closer to him, as impossible as it seemed. She wanted-needed-his strength, his support. She felt if she had that, she could withstand anything.
"They believe Sessha killed him," he told her. She felt a shudder go through him and understood that at that moment, Kenshin needed her strength, her support more than he could realize.
"Who's 'they'? Who thinks you killed him?"
"The authorities have said that Dr. Gensai provided conclusive evidence that Taroumaru Totosai died of wounds inflicted by my sakabato sword," he told her. He tried to keep his voice calm, reminding himself that she was okay now, but the images of her between those men, the image of her body hung from the wall with Enishi's sword pierced through her chest, kept his voice from remaining steady.
"Kenshin, you couldn't have killed him. Are they positive it was from your sword?" she returned, not acknowledging his fear-filled tone or giving any evidence that she believed he could have killed again. She hadn't even asked. Kaoru simply knew he hadn't done it. Her belief in him was more than refreshing; it kept him going when he thought he couldn't endure any more pain. The truth of the matter was . . . he simply couldn't remember.
"Iie, demo . . . who else carries a sakabato sword? Who else fought with him that day, besides Sessha? Even if Sessha didn't do it, Sessha is still responsible, that he is."
"Kenshin-no-baka!" she whined from beneath him. "It's not your fault if someone came along afterward! You came to help me. You aren't responsible if you were defending me."
"Iie, Kaoru-dono. Sessha has not told you everything . . ." Kenshin said in a timid voice.
The hesitation in her voice made her lift her head, meeting his lavender eyes directly.
"Nani?"
"Sessha . . . when he saw you like that got very . . . angry." Even as he said the word, something in his voice changed, something in the way he spoke. Kaoru recognized the Battosai part of him peeking out through those darkened irises and it might have scared her if he hadn't been so afraid a moment before.
"Sessha," he continued in a renewed voice, "He heard you screaming and everything stopped. All Sessha knew was that he had to get you back, had to keep you safe, Kaoru-dono. When Sessha attacked Taroumaru Totosai, he was not in control, not aware of anything. Sessha only relaxed after you had been brought home safely. Sessha . . . Sessha might have hit him too hard with his sakabato," he admitted at last.
Kaoru didn't know what to say. She opened her mouth to speak then closed it. Her second attempt didn't succeed much either.
Finally Kenshin just lowered his head, covered his eyes with his bangs and kept his arms around her silently, waiting for her reaction. Kaoru couldn't give him one so she settled against his chest and listened to his heart, letting the constant beating fill the devastating silence.
"Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono," he told her after a while.
"For what, Kenshin? You didn't do anything wrong," she told him gently. The last thing she wanted for him was guilt and self-remorse. Too many people had given him the idea that the only atonement for him was self- condemnation and shame. She didn't agree with those people.
Besides, he'd said himself that he'd found the answer for his atonement. He'd continue to fight for those he cared for without killing.
Now he had returned to the old days of inner-blame? He persisted to refer to himself as Sessha-she knew he'd never grow out of that-but she refused to let him feel responsible for the morning's events when he'd done his best to keep her safe. She didn't blame him, why should he blame himself?
"Sessha let you down, Kaoru-dono. Like before . . ."
"Dame!" she yelled suddenly, looking into his face angrily. She grabbed his haori and though the movement hurt her back, she continued to hold onto him. "I will NOT let you blame yourself, Kenshin. This is not your fault and even if you don't believe it, I KNOW you didn't kill that man. You've fought too hard to give up like this . . . we'll get through it. I know we will."
Kenshin slowly met her eyes, the fire of the candle reflected in her deep blue gaze, her features intent and focused. He smiled inwardly at the courage she possessed and realized all over again why he loved her so much. Outwardly, he brought his hand to caress the smoothness of her cheek and cradled her head in his palm. She nudged against his hand and closed her eyes, enjoying the affection.
Kenshin watched her through awe-struck eyes and spoke quietly, content when she kept her eyes closed despite his having broken the silence.
"Arigato, Kaoru-dono."
"Kenshin, I'll always be here for you . . . even when you think you have to leave, even when you feel far away, I'll always be here."
Incredibly, Kenshin felt the tips of his lips curl upward and continued to watch the girl in his lap. "I know," he told her.
* 'I know,'* her mind echoed. *Not 'Sessha' but 'I'. . .* Kaoru couldn't help but open her eyes at that. She found only love and understanding in his eyes, no trace of Battosai who had taken over his mind hours before. *Oh, Kenshin, I hope you do know that,* she told him silently with her own eyes.
Once again, she returned to her position with her head against his chest. However, when he wrapped his arms tighter around her, he rubbed the bruises against her back and elicited a thick hiss of breath as the oxygen left her lungs in a painful rush.
"Kaoru-dono, daijobu ka?" he asked worriedly.
"Ah, Kenshin," she sighed painfully, "I have bruises on my back. You touched them, that's all," she replied.
The next moment she found herself lifted from Kenshin's lap and the floor as he held her delicately in his embrace, managing not to touch her back at all. He walked her to her sleeping mat and set her down gently. Settling her under the covers and in a comfortable position, he sat back on his knees, gazing at her hair spread beautifully across the pillow. Her skin glowed a magnificent crème in the illumination from the candle and he couldn't help but smile back at her happy face.
"Will you stay with me, Kenshin? Onegai . . .? I don't want to be alone tonight," she told him, her smile fading at the violent memories returning to her mind.
He considered her question a moment. Honestly, he had not intended on her waking any further in the night and had planned to stay and guard her in her room while she slept. She had woken up instead and he wasn't certain he ought to be in her room in the first place. Still, he knew she wanted him there and he would rather watch over her inside than sit outside her shoji.
"Aa, Sessha will remain with you, Kaoru-dono." He sat on the floor beside her head, his back against the wall and sakabato in the middle of his legs. Kaoru settled into her bed and stretched her arm out to wrap it around his waist. She inched closer to him until she'd buried her face in between the wall and his kimono so that Kenshin couldn't see her face.
Her breathing slowed, the air going in and out of her mouth at a steady rate, and Kenshin knew she'd fallen asleep, virtually tucked in the space behind him. He brought his hand down to rest on her side, carefully gentle and still so as not to disturb her, and felt the movements of her ribs as she continued to breathe evenly. The motions were calming to him and while sleep was kept at bay-far from his mind-just sitting beside her relaxed him, allowing him to remain unplagued by guilt. Knowing he was there to protect HIS Kaoru was the only thought he needed to stay awake and alert.
"Sleep, Kaoru-dono . . ." he told the slumbering girl. "Sleep and Sessha will protect you."
***********************************************************************
Reader Response:
Jason M. Lee: Well, I think this chapter was all about me . . . LOL
C-Chan: 3 times! You were way too excited when you reviewed! But I like the enthusiasm! I was going to put Kenshin in jail but I decided he got out on good behaviour. However, he might end up there still . . . ohhhhh. Anyway, don't offer to e-mail my professors . . . I might have to take you up on that :P Thanks though!
Crystal: You keep thinking that . . . and we'll see who's right at the end ::smiles::
Mae: As each chapter goes on I'm getting more into the story . . . I'm glad you think it's gotten smoother though. Makes me happy when people notice my writing style! YAY! Please keep me on my toes!
Joshy (the SugarLoaf): I like Megumi's laughing at the beginning because I think it works well with her. She thought they were joking because she couldn't believe Kenshin really killed a man. But I told you all that already. :P XOXOXO
Calger459: I didn't like the 'Sessha' and the 'de gozaru' at first either but I think it gives something to Kenshin's character that you don't get without it. When you watch the anime translated, they don't tell you that stuff and I think Kenshin's character wouldn't be saying that w/out good reason. If it sounds totally horrible, just pretend it means what you know I'm trying to say or you can just ignore it all together. After all, I'm not Japanese, I'm just doing that American thing by trying to be like the Japanese writers. But I'm glad you liked the rest of it . . . I'm trying to make it work. Let me know if you have any other critiques, I think they make the story work. Thanks for telling me what you thought. YAY for you!!!
*********************************************************************
That's it for now . . . at least. Did you like it?
:P