~whispering~ While we are waiting for Anne's Dad to leave the kitchen to get chocolate, we decided to start the fic. Yes, we are going our OWN MARY SUE!!! But then again… ~looks at Numair~ it is far from a Mary Sue…. If you enjoy this fic, then check out the other billion parodies we have going. Even if you don't like this one, there are better ones. Oooh! Dad's gone, chocolate time! ~runs away~

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no, we do not own Escaflowne and all it's glory. ~runs away crying~ We also do not own a bunch of the other references we use, it's just for fun, repeat after us everyone, "j.u.s.t..f.o.r..f.u.n."

This is PG-13 for slight language, I mean, we had to keep it in character and real now, didn't we?

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Chapter 1 : New Arrivals

Brrrring

Brrrrring

Brrrrrring

Click, Click, Click

--Silence—

Brrrrring

Brring

"Shut up Annie," grumbled Numair, turning around in bed once more. Shoving the pillow, also known as Pillie, on his head, he chose to ignore his best friend. Once more the ringing commences. Annoyed, Numair gets up and yanks the phone cord out of the wall.

Flopping back into bed, Numair enjoys the moments of silence, slowly drifting back into slumber.

BANG BANG BANG!!!!

"Noooooo," grumbled Numair as pounding resumed on the front door, "I should move, I really should move away, far from across the street from Annie."

"GET OUT OF BED YOU LAZY FUCKING MORON! I KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN THERE!" a muffled voice shouted from outside.

"Maybe if I pretend I'm dead…." Muttered Numair. As if by magic, the shouting and pounding stopped. Perhaps Annie thought that Numair really wasn't home he thought with a smile appearing on his lips.

CRACK.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" screamed Numair, jumping out of bed as another rock came soaring through the air towards the window.

"Aha! I see that you are home, my retarded best friend!" smiled Anne from the front hill of bark. Slumping down against the window-sill, Numair let a lazy smile appear on his lips.

"Okay, I'll be there in two hours…"

"Two!!! You'll be there in ONE!" screamed Anne, shaking her fist towards Numair's upstairs window.

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU!"

"ONE AND A HALF!"

"FINE!"

With that Anne turned around and walked back up Numair's driveway towards her house. Grumbling, Numair went downstairs to retrieve tape, muttering about perhaps his parents would not notice if he taped the window back together. But then again, what were blinds for?

Sighing, Numair went into the kitchen, finally awake thanks to his so-called best friend, and opened the cupboard. Staring blankly at the food contents within, Numair decided on the sugary cereal, enough sugar to give him more cavities and power.

Brrring!

"ARRRGH!!" screamed Numair, grabbing the phone and attempting to strangle it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Where the hell are we?" asked Anne, focused on driving the car. They were going to be late to pick up Anne's mother from the park and ride at this rate.

"Stupid accident…" cursed Anne, turning the J-pop down.

"Just keep following that blue bug right there, he's godda be going somewhere," suggested Numair huddling in his sweatshirt to escape the sun.

"Watch as we follow him home." Laughed Anne, turning sharply around the corner.

"Your car's a puss."

"Oh shut up…"

"Go Mullet-mobile! Go Mullet-mobile!" the two chanted as the Rav4 huffed and wheezed up the hill. They paused as they finally reached the top. Where was the bug?

"Shit!" screamed Anne, her road rage getting the better of her.

"There, there! Follow that motorcycle!" Numair cried dramatically.

Anne swerved around to follow the motorcycle at a safe distance, didn't want that guy thinking that they were stalking him. (nevermind they were). Grinning slightly, Anne turned her head towards Numair, "So, what should we do next for Mary Sue?"

"Erm…" replied Numair intelligently, looking out the windows as though a sign would appear. "25 miles per hour…"

"… yeah…" said Anne, realizing that perhaps she would have to think of the entire plot, "How about a dream sequence, and change all her friends names? You know, have her shopping and its obviously not Japanese."

"Sounds good," replied Numair, turning up the music once more.

Little did the two realize that they to were going to be sucked up into a Mary Sue (A/N: NOOOOO!).

Suddenly, the clear blue sky turned gray and rain came pelting down onto the sleek black Rav4.

"Looks good, acts pussy, Rav4," stated Numair in commercial tones.

"Shut up Numair, you can't even drive."

"Minor detail."

The two drove through the unfamiliar neighborhood (although it was only five minutes away from where they lived). Five minutes from home and they were completely lost.

"That's the sad part," laughed Numair, putting his hood over his head.

"Do you find it strange that it went from a clear sky to raining in ten seconds," questioned Anne, squinting to see through the downpour of rain.

"Not around here," sighed Numair, looking lovingly towards the rain.

The car swerved crazily as Anne attempted not to hit a rabid suicidal squirrel that had dashed across the street, and ended up in the ditch.

"Nice one Strategos." Numair muttered.

"(censored) Numair!" Anne snarled, elbowing Numair in the ribs.

Just then, the car was enveloped in a bright green light!

"Green light! Go go go!" Shouted Numair, leaping forward in his seat.

"Where? We're stuck in the friggin' ditch, remember!?"

The car jolted, and began to rise into the air.

"We're gonna be raped by a bunch of ALIENS!!!!" shrieked Numair, banging on the window.

"I thought aliens only existed in the south!!!"

"Where wives are beaten by their husbands!"

"That's the Oxygen channel you doofus!"

"Then what's Hallmark?"

"That's religious south." Stated Anne, obviously having done her research.

The two got into a heated debate about cable, completely forgetting the fact that they were being shot into apparent space. The green light vanished, depositing the Rav4 in a sunny field.

"Then what about the International channel?"

"Think that one over carefully my mentally challenged friend, 'international'. Ring a bell?"

"I don't get it."

"Aargh! I…where the hell are we…?" Anne pondered, looking slightly more than perturbed.

"Hey, we're oudda the ditch!" exclaimed Numair happily.

SMACK!

"Ow…What should we do?"

"Oh, I'm suddenly the brains of the outfit!?"

"You've been for the past seventeen years."

"Oh, then what are you?"

"Well, obviously not the muscle……um…the happy sidekick?"

"Argh! Fine then, as the supreme ruler of this friendship, I say we explore the area!" declared Anne, clicking the seatbelt.

"There's no supreme ruler in friendships…"

"Do you have any better ideas?" Anne inquired softly.

"Well, we could ask that guy." Numair suggested, pointing out the window beside him.

BLINK BLINK went the giant eyeball, peering in the window.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"

The car leapt forward as Anne pounded on the gas pedal. The car started swerving in circles, its mullet powers guiding it safely from the monstrous dragons jaws.

"Idon'twannadie Idon'twannadie Idon'twannadie Idon'twannadie!!!" screamed Numair covering his head.

"Shutup Shutup Shutup Shutup Shutup Shutup!!!" shrieked Anne trying to get the car out of the dragons range. The hungry dragon was gaining on the pussy Mulletmobile, but as we all know, adrenalin really gets one's will to live going making people do stupid things, thus Anne swung the car around.

"You're going towards it!!!" shrieked Numair yanking his hood over his face, he was too young to die.

"I'm gonna hit it!" cried Anne, ignoring the fact that the dragon was considerably larger than even the almighty Mullet-mobile.

"I never got to see Saiyuki!!!!" wept Numair, covering his eyes as Anne gunned it.

THA-THUMP!

The dragon keeled over and lay still.

"How is that scientifically possible?" Anne asked, looking back at the still dragon.

"I'll never call this car pussy again…" vowed Numair quietly, silently thanking God in all his wonderful glory. But since this is a fic and not everyone here is Christian, we won't go into that.

"I think it's dead." Anne announced to herself, glancing at Numair sideways.

"Good. Let's go before it's reincarnated and comes back for revenge!"

"No more fantasy for you," Anne said unlocking the car, "I'm gonna go make sure it's dead." (A.N; this stuff is completely fictional you realize, we would have kept driving.)

"No nononono! Stay in the car! Car safe! Outside BAD!" cried Numair clinging to Anne's sweater.

"I'll be right back."

"Famous last words."

Anne slammed the door shut, leaving behind a whimpering Numair. Walking over to the dragon, Anne kicked it squarely in the balls. If it didn't react to that, it was gone.

"Hey Numair! I killed it!" Anne cried triumphantly.

CHOMP!

"Ooooh shit…" Numair said, rolling up the window.

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Anne: YOU KILLED ME!!?!

Numair: Well, you were being stupid.

Anne: WHO WROTE THAT!?

Numair: It was your idea….

Anne: Oh yeah….

So, yeah. That was really interesting. Our friendship is technically kinda sorta like this, however this is to the extremes. The car is actually named "The Mullet-mobile", fondly named after Folken, movie version of course. Tell us what you think, heehee.

Stayed tuned for the next action packed chapter (with actual Esca characters)!

Esca characters: Noooooooo!

Anne: At least you live…. *grumble grumble*