Reflections
By: Neko-chan
A/N: Okie, let's see... I've already done Hoto-chan's POV, Nuriko's POV (both of these were death scene fics and full of angst...), so I finally decided to try my hand at Tasuki's POV. And, if I continue to be on a roll, Chi-chan is next! *glomps the masked monk*
Chichiri: No daaaaa...x.x;;
D Anyway, see scarlet.tennyo? More FY fics! More FY fics!! ^_^ *coughs*More angst, too.*coughs* ^____________^
Tasuki: *copies Chichiri* No daaaaa... X.X;;
Disclaimer: Neko-chan no own. Why must you always taunt her on this point?! ;_;
Tasuki eased himself down onto the river's bank. He had sat down on a small projection over the water, wanting to be as close to the water as possible, letting its calmness enter into his being. The others thought that he didn't like water. It wasn't true. His seemingly intense fear of water--any water--was only an act. He respected the water's strength, but he had seen one too many people die by water; nothing could ever make him love the wet ever again.
The young red-headed man sighed and let his fingers trail into the water, idly making designs only he could possibly understand. Each design become more and more complex than the last.
Finally noticing that his hand seemed to move with a mind on its own, Tasuki looked down and looked into his reflection's eyes...
* * *
Was it all worth it? Tasuki wondered to himself. All of the deaths, all of the pain and suffering, all of the families split apart? Everything we went through...was it really and truly worth it? People eventually die and they leave you. All of my friends either died or they left me. Even Chichiri. I thought that he would be the one that understood the most...but, in the end, he left me, too. Even she...
Our priestess. Our hopes and our dreams--she became them. And she left us. Without her, what can a person hope for? What can they dream? The world dulls without a person's hopes and dreams. And she is no more. I cared for her more than I will ever admit. But, still, she left _me._
We worked so hard and we won...but we lost so many people along the way. Why? Why did this have to happen to me? Why did this have to happen to us? I miss everyone. They had become closer than kin--than family. One by one, they died.
Our child prodigy. Chiriko may have been old in mind, but he had still managed to retain that innocence only children have. I haven't had that innocence for a very long time. Nuriko... As much as he annoyed me, he was still my friend. Probably one of my _best_ friends. And he was the first one to fall, sacrificing himself for all of us. He was honorable, loving, selfless...everything I wish I was. Mitsukake, our healer...gone. He was the kindest of us all. But, in the end, it didn't matter _how_ kind he was. He's still dead. Finally, Hotohori. Our emperor. He was the lifeblood of the nation. Without him...we are lost.
So many deaths. Too many deaths. Too many wars, too many fights, too much blood.
I'm tired of it all. Yet...there is no place to rest. Not even my home. I had left that place a long time ago. I don't fit in there anymore. My family wouldn't even treat me the same anymore, anyway. Just think of it: My sisters trying to treat their brother, the war hero and one of the people that saved them all, just like they did before. I know they won't be able to. So why even bother? I don't want that distance that will be between all of us. As much as I used to dislike them, I now realize just how precious they are to me.
Sometimes I know that what we went through was all worth it. Other times...remembering the past, I know that the ordeals we went through and the events that happened afterwards don't even come close to being worth the loses that we had. Friends, family, loved ones...all become casualties of war. Nothing is worth loss of life. Nothing.
So, so many deaths. Just...so many.
I don't have anyone anymore. I don't have anyone to speak to, no one to remember the good memories with, and no one to hope for a better future with. And I have no one to wake me up at night when the nightmares come. I'm just...so alone. So very alone.
* * *
Slowly but surely, Tasuki pushed himself into a standing position, staring his reflection into the eyes, never breaking contact. So many deaths that happened in so many ways. But the first death that he had witnessed was that of one of his childhood friends drowning. _That_ was why he avoided water. It was his first death...and it was going to be his last.
"No more," Tasuki said aloud. "No more pain, no more war, no more death...except for this last one. No more _anything._ No more Tasuki."
The red-headed man smiled at his reflection and the reflection smiled cheerfully back at him. Tasuki leaned further away from the edge, closer to the water that sparkled invitingly below him. Reaching behind himself, Tasuki drew out his iron tessen and stared at it for a very long moment.
Releasing it finger by finger, the tessen dropped into the water with barely a ripple. The past was over, but those that were dead and gone would always be remembered. While thinking this, a sparkling teardrop fell and landed in the middle of Tasuki's reflection. Little waves broke away, spreading further and further away.
There was no reflection.