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Jack refused to think as he walked towards the elevators. He refused to think of her face. He refused to think of her body. He refused to think of how he felt. If he started thinking, then he'd start panicking. Then he'd run.
As it was, he started jogging the moment the doors opened on her floor. Her lab door was closed, and he tried the lock. It gave, but all he saw when he shoved open the door were blinking lights and abandoned projects. Her quarters. She would have to be in her quarters.
He headed back to the elevators.
The door to her quarters was locked. He knocked. No response.
Desperately, knowing she wouldn't open the door to him no matter what he said, he looked both ways down the corridor. Right down the end, he could see Simmons, chatting to a nurse. Not caring what Simmons was up to, Jack grabbed him and pulled him towards the door of Carter's quarters.
'' Tell her it's just you. That you want to speak to her about something,'' he hissed.
Simmons looked at him in confusion. '' Sir, I -''
'' Do it.''
Simmons licked his lips, raised his fist and knocked on the door. '' Major Carter?''
There was a pause. '' Yeah?''
'' Major, can I speak to you for a moment?''
'' What about, Lieutenant?''
'' Ugh....'' He looked at Jack for inspiration. '' There's a problem in the control room, ma'am. I'm not exactly sure what it is. Siler sent me down.''
'' The phone not working any more, Simmons?''
'' Er... yes, ma'am. That's part of the problem.''
Jack nodded in approval, then heard Carter's deep sigh and suddenly threw himself to the wall on the side of the door handle. Element of surprise and all.
Moments later, the handle turned and the door was pulled open. '' Do you have any idea.... hey!''
Jack had to give her credit. She fought valiantly against him the moment he threw himself into the picture, landing several punches as he battled her back through into her quarters and kicked the door closed behind him. She swore like a trooper, too, and when she realised the level three advanced hand to hand wasn't working to her advantage - he was blocking and shielding like nobody's business - she got in several surprisingly effective women's prerogatives, namely gouging several fingernail marks down the sides of his face that brought tears to his eyes.
There were already tears in her eyes, and running down her face.
He wrestled her down onto the ground, eventually trapping her arms and legs under him. The moment she realised he'd won, her body went limp under his, her head dropping back onto the floor with a thump. Her eyes closed.
Jack let out a breath and lowered his head to her forehead. For the moment, they lay quietly, panting. His hands were clasped around hers, her arms crushed between their torsos. He'd dealt with her legs by trapping them between his own, clenching his thighs tightly around her and hooking his ankles about hers. '' Can you breath?'' he demanded, breathlessly.
'' Get off me.''
He decided her words weren't strangled enough for him to be crushing her. She'd tell him if it go critical and, for the moment, this was the only way he knew of that he could get her to talk to him. '' Baby, I'm sorry,'' he began.
'' Don't,'' she hissed, fury spitting at him.
'' I know I'm a jerk. I know, I know. But you know why I did it. You gotta know.''
'' I hate you.''
That hurt - but he was hoping it more bile than truth. '' Sam, we can't do this. I can't do this. I'm not a machine. I can't... step back. Not again. I can't,'' he reiterated.
This seemed to get her attention. She opened her eyes and looked into his. '' You were the one who walked away.''
He nodded, his hands finally letting go of hers. She didn't start to struggle, she just pulled her hands away and let them drop to her sides. This had the added effect of bringing him closer to her, drawing their faces together. He wanted to kiss her so badly his mouth was dry from the effort of not doing it. '' I had to. You know I had to. We weren't going to get away with it. If it went on report, Hammond would have you transferred. And if I stayed....''
'' If you stayed, we still could have lied on report,'' she whispered angrily. '' And there would have been none of this... this... pain.''
'' If I'd stayed, I couldn't have left. I can't... we left it in the room and it was okay. It wasn't great, okay, it was horrible, but it was okay. I could do my job. You could do yours. We were fine.''
She was already shaking her head. '' I wasn't fine.''
Neither had he been. '' But we were working. It was working. This, oh man, Carter, this changed things big time. I know you now.''
Her fair skin shaded a faint pink colour.
Jack smiled. '' Do you see what I mean? If I left, like I did, there was a chance... a small, slight chance, that things could have...''
'' There was no chance. How could you think there'd be a chance?''
'' Don't tell me you didn't think it was for the best either? You didn't say anything. You didn't call out. You didn't stop me, Sam.''
Her face crumpled, her hands coming up and covering her eyes, palms on either side of her nose. '' Oh God.''
She started crying. Jack didn't think he'd ever seen her cry like this before, and he hated it. Women crying brought him down to his knees - Sara had nearly slayed him with her tears, and, let's face it, there had been a lot of them. The same appalled, horrified, guilty feeling rushed through Jack as he watched her fall apart, sobbing behind her hands.
Desperate to see her face, to look into her eyes and assure her he was gonna fix everything, he started tugging at her hands. When he finally got them away, he could see the blues of her eyes had blackened, the tears were running freely. Her nose was running. He scuttled backwards, pulling her with him and she came easily into his arms, crying into his shoulder. '' Baby, it's gonna be okay. I promise, I'll make things better. I promise.''
'' It's not supposed to hurt like this.''
He shook his head at her wet voice, knowing instinctively what she was talking about. '' No. But then you're not supposed to strangle the heck outta it, either.''
She laughed into his neck, her wet eyelashes stroking his skin as she blinked. '' Strangle the heck outta it. I like that.'' She brushed her mouth against his neck, pulled her head back slightly and wiped at her nose with her sleeve. For the first time in a month, Sam looked at him like the old Sam had done.
Tenderly, he reached up and wiped at her tear stains with his own sleeve. '' So... this is new for us,'' he joked weakly.
Sam took a moment, looked around, then down at how she was sitting on his lap. '' Is this uncomfortable?''
'' I'm trying not to think below my waist at the moment.''
She giggled, actually giggled. It had been years since she'd done that. '' I'd make a crack about sidearms, but it would probably make you groan.''
He did groan anyway. '' What have I told you about making jokes?''
'' Does it run in the same vein with giggling... let's not do this now,'' she said hurriedly, shaking her head. '' No jokes, Jack. Not yet.''
'' Okay. I can do that. Hammond knows.''
'' WHAT!''
'' No, not everything. He knows... something happened. He started talking about options. Crap. I'm thinking about retiring. Again,'' he added.
She looked horrified, and wrapped her arms about his neck, as if to hold him there. '' No."
'' Sam, we don't have a great number of options here.''
'' You can't retire. I won't let you. Don't go.''
He ran his hands up her back, and then down before crossing them around her back and hugging her close. '' I'm not leaving you.''
'' You're leaving for me. I don't want us to begin with you sacrificing things for me. I can transfer.''
'' Off of SG-1? Are you kidding me?''
'' Why?''
'' We're the flagship team. You're the flagship scientist. You can't leave.''
'' Daniel did.''
As always, bringing Daniel into the conversation stopped him dead. She was looking at him stubbornly now, her eyes all wide and knowing, even red from her tears.
Jack started shaking his head. '' Sam, this is different...''
'' No, it's not. SG-1 isn't what it used to be. Daniel broke up our family. Maybe it's time...'' She stalled. '' Maybe it's time we all went our separate ways.''
'' What are you saying?''
'' Teal'c needs to be with his son, Bra'tac needs his help with the rebel Jaffa. You need to take me fishing, work on your diplomacy skills because God knows there are some bizarre aliens out there who will only deal with you. I need to get some damn work done - I have a backlog of projects I have to work on. Things that would make gate travel more efficient, safe, productive. Jonas needs to... be with people who don't look at him knowing their best friend died for his people.''
God help him but she was starting to make sense. He kept shaking his head to disagree with what she was saying, but inside he was agreeing with her.
'' But... we're SG-1.''
'' Yeah. And we'll always be. But we're Jack and Sam, too.'' She smiled and it was just a touch seductive.
'' I need to think about this.''
'' I know.''
'' I mean, I really need to think about this.''
'' Yeah, I got that.''
'' I really, really...''
'' Jack!''
He blew out a breath. '' This is big.''
She patted him on the shoulder understandingly, then kissed him on the cheek. '' Okay. You think. I'm going to the infirmary.''
'' Huh? Why?'' Jack struggled to keep a hold on her but she was surprisingly slippery. Actually, he'd already known that. Damn! Thinking below the waist, Jack. Not good. Not on base.
'' Well, the General did order me to have a full physical. Hopefully, after this nice little chat I'll be able to get some normal sleep.''
'' I'm sorry.''
'' I'm hoping you're accounting for all the weird stuff I've been eating recently.''
Lazily, he sat on the floor, watching her sort out of her uniform and do her hair. '' Weird stuff?'' he said vaguely.
'' Yeah. Chocolate milk and cheese. And anchovies,'' she added, a small frown marring her brow.
Jack's brain connected. '' Anchovies?''
'' I suddenly really wanted anchovies on my pizza last week.''
'' You hate anchovies.''
'' I know! Weird, huh?'' She pulled open the door. '' And the week before last, it was as if I couldn't drink enough apple juice.'' She shook her head slightly at her own oddness, grinned at him, that full burst that always knocked him sideways. '' I suppose I'm allowed to stay on base, then, Colonel?''
He waved a hand at her vaguely. '' Smartass. Go see the Doc.''
Five minutes later, Jack was still sitting on the floor of her quarters. The door was wide open, but he wasn't overly bothered. His knees were aching, just a little, but it wasn't the knee injury. Ba'al little torture fun had got rid of that. No, Jack's knees were aching because he wasn't twenty-five any more.
Carter was making sense. No, Sam was making sense. She was really, really making sense.
Not the stuff about her craving weird-ass foods, though. He knew for a fact that she loathed anchovies. She could smell them on a pizza before you'd even opened the box and would be halfway across the room freaking out. The idea of her actually wanting to eat them just defied...
Jack's head jerked up suddenly.
Oh my God.