Chapter 17: Detentions and Ducks
"This has to be the worst detention I've ever had," said Mena. She threw her quill down in disgust. "Couldn't he have had us scrubbing out cauldrons or something?"
"Isn't this the only detention you've ever had?" asked Uric curiously. He was still diligently copying every nine-lettered word out of an ancient tome. Louis had fallen asleep over his own book, but he was supposed to be copying every word with three syllables. Mena had been told to copy every word ending in 'y'. She was getting very sick of the word 'verily'.
"Well, yes," she said, blushing a little as she remembered Uric taking the blame for what should rightfully have been her first detention. "We should probably wake up Louis," she said to change the subject. Uric happily prodded Louis with his quill. The dark-haired boy awoke with a yawn.
"Is it that time already?" he asked.
"Not really," responded Uric. "Since time is purely subjective, it is either never 'that time' or always 'that time'." He copied down another word.
"You've been reading the advanced textbooks again haven't you?" asked Louis dryly before returning to his own copying.
A few minutes later, Professor Stewart entered the room. He had left them to their work a couple of hours before. Varys Nachleen trailed behind him. The Ravenclaw took an involuntary step back from the force of the glares he was getting from Mena and Louis. It was his fault that they were in here. Uric just regarded him with a mild expression that was somehow even more disconcerting.
Professor Stewart didn't notice the glares. He collected their rolls of parchment and casually looked them over. "A little short, Louis," he said before ripping them into tiny pieces that piled up on his desk. Mena could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, and angrily held them back. There was something disturbing about having all your hard work ripped up for the fifth day in a row. Stewart casually incinerated the pile before dismissing them for the day.
They left but Mena grabbed Uric's arm before he could wander off and pulled him against the wall. Louis stopped as well, realizing what she was up to. With Mena's hand over Uric's mouth, they listened intently to the conversation inside Professor Stewart's classroom.
"-studies going, Varys?" asked Professor Stewart.
"Very well, Sir," said Varys. "It would be really helpful if I could have a pass to the Restricted Section, Professor." Varys sounded like he was pleading.
"We've been over this countless times. First-years are not allowed in the Restricted Section. Should you wish to use the library, you must do so on your own time. Now if that's the only reason you wanted to talk-"
"Excuse me, Sir, but conducting my studies on my own time has been problematic," said Varys stiffly.
"Yes. I remember having my sleep disturbed on Hallowe'en," said Stewart drily. Mena's eyes widened. "Surely you've found a way around the problem by now?"
"I have taken precautions," said Varys reluctantly. "But I can't be sure of their effectiveness if Uric Beaufolle and his friends are going to be wandering around the castle at all hours."
"Mr. Beaufolle wanders the castle? After curfew?" Professor Stewart sounded excited.
"He was there on Hallowe'en, and I've seen him a few other times, though I doubt he's seen me," said Varys. Uric made some noise against Mena's hand, but she only pressed it tighter against his mouth.
"If you see him again, inform me immediately. Not even his father will be able to protect him if he's caught in such an infraction of the rules again," said Professor Stewart triumphantly. There was a pause, and Mena could just picture the gloating looks on their faces.
"Is that all you wanted Varys?" asked Professor Stewart solicitously.
"Yes, Sir," Varys replied. Mena and Louis grabbed Uric's arms and pulled him down the corridor. They all crowded into a tiny alcove. There was a statue of a centaur rearing up on its hind legs inside, but it wasn't enough to hide them if someone walked by. Varys' footsteps came closer.
"Can you hide us, Uric?" Louis hissed in his ear. Uric thought about it for a moment. Hide. Where had he heard that word before?
"Armozoalgama," he said, and flourished his wand. A heavy feeling of magic settled upon them. Mena could feel her flesh prickling. What had Uric done? She tried to open her mouth and ask, but found she couldn't. Her eyes wouldn't move either, but after she relaxed for a moment, she found she could see Louis out of the corner of her eye. If she had had a mouth to do it with, she would have gasped.
Louis was frozen where he had been crouching as a crude statue, complete with patches of lichen. He looked like he had been out in the weather too long. If she hadn't known it was Louis, she would never have recognized him. Mena began to panic. What if they were stuck this way?
Varys walked past. He didn't spare a glance for the collection of statues in the alcove to his right. If he had looked closer, he would have seen the statues of three students and a centaur. Two of the students were crouched against the wall, while the third was in the process of playing peek-a-boo with the centaur.
*****
A few hours later, one of the statues blinked. Ten minutes later, it blinked again. Slowly they came to life. After half an hour, Mena was able to express her opinion.
"Uric. I'm going to kill you!" Her words were slurred since some of her tongue was still made of stone.
"Why?" he asked. She turned her neck stiffly to see that he had his arms up to play some sort of game with the centaur.
"You turned us into statues!" she exclaimed. Her words didn't slur this time.
"I doubt he noticed," said Louis, straightening ever so slowly from his crouch. His robes still had grey patches from where they were stone.
"What would have happened if we hadn't changed back?" asked Mena, calming down a little.
"We would have stayed statues forever, or at least until someone noticed Uric playing with the centaur," said Louis. "Uric, you can put your arms down now. They aren't stone anymore." Uric obediently lowered his arms. Mena discovered that her arms were free as well, and leant over to smack Uric upside the head before toppling over. Her knees, unfortunately, were still stone. She hit Uric, who hit the centaur, who hit the floor with a loud thump. Louis started laughing.
Mena took the time to glare at him before un-entangling herself from Uric. Louis ignored her, but calmed down enough to ask Uric a question.
"Why statues, Uric?" he asked. Uric answered promptly for once.
"When Gustav Holmstein was trying to hide from the vampires who were after him, he turned himself into a statue and they passed him by," he explained. Louis nodded his understanding. Mena gave them an impatient look.
"What time is it?" she asked. It was hard to keep track of something like that when you were a statue.
"One twenty-three in the morning," said Uric. "And thirty-seven seconds. Thirty--eight seconds. Thirty-" Mena hit him.
"We need to get back to our Common Rooms," she said as if nothing had happened. "It's much too late." She headed off down the corridor. Uric made to follow her, but Louis held him back for a moment.
"Isn't there a statue of Gustav Holmstein that can still be found in Romania to this day?" he asked. Uric nodded solemnly. Louis sighed.
"Don't ever tell Mena that, Uric," he said and followed Mena down the corridor.
*****
Transfiguration was one of Uric's favourite classes. He would spend the first few minutes performing whatever task Professor Leonard had assigned (and that Mena had reminded him of) before he was left to his own devices. He could let his mind wander, or read, or on one day when Professor Leonard was especially distracted, perform an African rain dance.
Today, Professor Leonard poured himself a cup of tea from an intricately shaped tea kettle before turning it into a turtle. Uric wondered what part of the turtle the tea had become. Professor Leonard explained the transformation and demonstrated it one more time before letting them try themselves. Uric stared blankly at the tea kettle until Mena nudged him.
"Just get on with it," she whispered before returning to her own tea kettle, which was taking on a muddy-greenish colour. Uric reluctantly lifted his wand. He liked tea kettles. He considered letting all the kettles free into the world, but Professor Leonard had been very angry when he had let all those pats of butter go last month. He hadn't taken Uric's word that they really did not want to be bumblebees.
Uric concentrated a little, and waved his wand. A turtle appeared on the table, flapping its flippers against the table top. He petted it on the head. A glance at Mena revealed that she was still involved in her transfiguration. He relaxed in his seat and drifted off into another world where no one was allowed to say the word 'prodigious'. Uric was amazed that anyone could carry on a full conversation without that word, but somehow they managed it. Gradually he became aware of a curious droning voice.
"Any resident of the family antidae is known as a duck," said the voice. Uric looked around curiously. Where was the voice coming from? "They are known by their flat, broad bills, webbed feet and a variety of multi-coloured plumage." Uric nodded his understanding. "Now, what is it you see in this picture?" The room sounded very quiet to Uric and he frowned. He couldn't see any picture. He decided to hazard a guess.
"Ducks?" he said, but the voice didn't respond. The whole class fell silent as a grin of joy spread itself across Professor Leonard's face.
"Ducks," he said happily. "Ducks!" And with a wave of his wand, all the tea kettles they had turned into turtles were ducks, in fact, all the tea kettles that hadn't been turned into turtles were ducks as well. The class gawked as the ducks began quacking softly and exploring the desks in front of them. Professor Leonard strode to the front of the room and stood facing them. "Let's talk about ducks," he said with a smile. Someone in the back of the room whimpered.
Meanwhile, Uric tuned out the rambling teacher and studied the duck in front of him. It was one of those brown ducks that he saw occasionally. "Hello Mr. Duck. My name's Uric. What's yours?" The duck quacked at him and Uric cocked his head to one side. "Oh. You're a Miss. Sorry about that. You wouldn't happen to know where that voice went?" The duck just looked at him.
Mena was looking at him too. She was glancing between him and the duck as if deciding which to curse first.
*****
The first-year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws filed wearily out of Transfiguration nearly an hour later. Some of them still had duck feathers stuck to their robes.
"Brilliant move, Uric," said Alponius Nester in an angry tone. Professor Leonard had compared him to Mandarin duck and he had not been pleased.
"Leave him alone, Al," said Justine softly. She glanced at Varys Nachleen and the others who had stopped just outside the door. "I'm sure he had a good reason for mentioning ducks." Mena stared incredulously at the other girl. Justine may have been pretty, but she obviously wasn't too bright.
"He should have remembered after the last time," insisted Al. One of the Ravenclaw first-years, Icarus Jabber, had been the unfortunate soul who mentioned ducks in their first month in Professor Leonard's class. All he had asked about was the potential of changing dough into something other than a dog, and then they had been trapped while the topic of ducks was discussed in excruciating detail. Mena was sure that at least some of the Ravenclaws had found Professor Leonard's comprehensive knowledge of ducks interesting, but none of them were desperate enough to mention them to him again.
"Let's just forget about it," said Neil McGowan. "Uric's obviously insane, and we need to get to Defense Against the Dark Arts." Everyone nodded and they headed off to class.
Mena was a bit startled when she was shoved from behind. She turned around to admonish the clumsy oaf who had run into her, but only saw the back of Louis' head. She thought for a moment. Had she felt something else? She placed her hand in her pocket. There was a small piece of parchment. After a quick look to make sure Uric wasn't wandering off, she read it.
Library after dinner. Bring Uric. Discuss plans about Mr. Perfect.
She shook her head. She still didn't understand why Louis was so insistent on secrecy about their friendship. Louis had even told the other Slytherins that he was in detention for a totally different reason than Uric and Mena. It all seemed rather ridiculous to her. She crumpled the parchment up and placed it back in her pocket. At least it looked like they were finally going to get revenge on Varys Nachleen.
*****
Armozo is Greek for "to become" and algama means "statue". Chapters 1-5 have now been revised. Uric now has a couple more odd thoughts in the first chapter, and the dialogue in those chapters now properly identifies who is talking. I'll be revising the rest soon. I also, through much trial and error, managed to get the first chapter of this fic (well, chapters 1 and 2 since they made me combine them) up on Schnoogle.com. *Ariana is very pleased with herself*
Thanks to all my reviewers: Gred Weasley, Mistri, Ozma, Googoo4you, Em, Thistlemeg, Crydwyn, Gemin16, Lady Knight of Kennan, gjegje, AniMourner, Chad-Catsmeat, Sailor Book/Water Mistress, Tidmag, and Mad Potter.
Mistri: That's a good question. Why does Uric get weirder? I think I'll refer you to the badgers for that one…
Ozma: The Kurzes do have a rather odd relationship don't they? I'm glad you liked Hollis. It can be very hard to make a character likeable when she's only in a few scenes and doesn't even have a line until chapter 10. Uric did trigger the moment of oddness, but he doesn't know what happened since he can't remember.
Googoo4you: I'll be writing a full story detailing Uric's seventh year at Hogwarts. Other short stories might cover some of his earlier years, though the only idea I have in mind at the moment is a story about Uric visiting Mena in London during the summer of their fifth year.
Thistlemeg: The 'abolition business' comment is referring to the attempt to shut down the Council and replace it with a ministry. Louis explained the whole business in detail in chapter 12.
Crydwyn: Yes, I've read Farside. I have about eight of his cartoons (torn from a calendar) up on my bulletin board atm. Ducks have always been pretty nefarious creatures in my opinion;) The moment of oddness does have significance, and it doesn't…I can't really get any more clearer than that without giving it away:)
Gemin16: Yeah! A Louis fan! After Uric, he's probably my favourite character to write.
Lady Knight of Kennan: I'm working on the assumption that Uric got the nickname "the Oddball" sometime after his school years. I may do a story on it one day, if I can think of a proper incident to write about.
AniMourner: Mr. Beaufolle is very strict at most times, though he has a soft spot for his family. It's largely because of him that Uric actually does listen to orders…most of the time.
Tidmag: It's been so long since I've seen Winnie the Pooh that I can't even remember what his character is like, so you could be right. I'm sure there is a room in Hogwarts where all the lost (left) socks go, though they must be lonely without their mates.
A bit of reassurance for everyone: Those of you who read my other stories know that I have started another story on ff.net. I just want to let you all know that Uric is my first priority. I love writing him and his world. Any delays you see in chapters, where I perhaps put up other chapters of other stories is not because I'm ignoring Uric…it's because I'm sitting in front of the computer and staring at a blank screen and wondering just what Uric is going to do next. Writing Intersections, or Sands of Time is not effortless, but it's very easy compared to writing Uric. I write those stories when I need a break from thinking like Uric. So basically, it would take me the same amount of time to write a new chapter of Uric with or without me having other stories I was updating. Hope this reassures everyone.
Please review. Encouragement helps me write:)