"Hello?" Maureen. He had forgot that she was coming over. She was taking her siblings out to see the university.
"Hey, sweetie," he greeted half-heartedly,wrapping her in a hug.
"Hi, Dad," she replied, "Are you okay?" She could tell by the expression on his face that he was upset. He smiled lamely.
"Don't worry about me. Your brother and your sisters are upstairs," he said. She nodded, not believing him. As she made her way upstairs, she looked back at him, staring at the street, willing her to come back.
*****
Lizzy and Davy had come out into the upstairs hall when they heard their sister. They ran and hugged her.
"Hi, guys. ARe you ready to go?"
"Almost!" exclaimed Davy, running back into her room. Maureen continued down the hall to Kathleen's room. Her little sister was sitting in bed, doing nothing.
"Hey," she said to Maureen lifelessly, as if the exertion pained her.
"Hey." Maureen sat on the bed beside her. She had been talking to her mother, and was concerned about Kathleen's behaviour. By the time she was sixteen, Maureen had somehow known that her parents' marriage wouldn't last, but it must've been a complete shock to Kathleen when they split up.
"I'll get ready to go."
"First, you're going to tell me what's going on," Maureen commanded. Kathleen began to cry. She explained the entire thing to her sister: the files, how much she hated Olivia, and finally, Olivia leaving. Maureen looked surprised, then she hugged Kathleen.
"Kathleen, honey. Mom and Dad are never gonna get back together," she said. Kathleen shook her head against her sister's shoulder, but inside, she knew it was true. "And I can understand why you hate Olivia. I didn't like her all the time, either." Kathleen nodded. Maureen stroked her hair, comforting her. "But then I realized that I was just looking for someone to blame. Because I was scared that it was all my fault." Maureen was crying gently now, too.
"But..." Kathleen said.
"It's not Olivia's fault. It's not even Mom's or Dad's. Or mine. And it's definitely not your fault, Kathleen," she paused, "Dad loves Olivia. Don't you see how happy he is around her?" Kathleen did. She remembered how he smiled at her. And then she remembered his face that morning, after she had stopped sobbing, when he realized that Olivia was gone. He had turned completely expressionless, just gone downstairs to make sure, to check that her car was gone. Kathleen knew right then that she had been selfish. She had to face the facts that had just been presented to her. She pulled away from her sister and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I'm sorry, Maureen," she said.
"Hey, I'm not the person you need to apologize to. Get ready and we'll go," Maureen answered, sniffling away her upset. Kathleen nodded, swallowing. They herded Lizzie and Davy into the front hall. Kathleen went into the kitchen.
"Dad, I'm really sorry. I really am," she said to her father's back. He turned and she could see his red eyes. He smiled at her then, accepting her apology. She turned.
"Wait in the car with the twins. I'll be right there," Maureen said. She pulled up a chair next to Elliot and put her arm around him.
"Hey," she said quietly, "I heard what happened. Are you okay?" He nodded. "Call her," Maureen continued, "Don't wait for her to call. Didn't you always tell me that it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease? Persistance pays off. Trust me." Elliot smiled at her, his beautiful oldest daughter. "Go get her back," she said.
"When did you get to be so smart?" he joked.
"I've had some experiences," she said, standing up. I'll have the kids back by five. Maybe we could have dinner together."
"I'd like that," he said, "I love you, honey."
"I love you too, Dad."
*****
As Olivia crossed the Queensborough Bridge,tears began to form, running down her cheeks slowly. It had finally happened. Given the choice between her and his kids, he had chosen his kids. Well, what had she expected? It killed her. She had trusted his kids because she loved him. She had loved him, and he had sold her out - more than once. Why wouldn't he tell her about Kathy's new boyfriend unless he thought she'd be jealous? And why would she be jealous unless there was a reason to be? He must be still in love with Kathy. But what had hurt the most was that he had talked to his family about her past as if it was pitiable. Well, she didn't want their pity. She had been betrayed, and it burned. She hit a red light and realized that she didn't know where she was going. If she turned right, she could go to work. Or she could go left to....what? Fin's place? He'd be at work. She turned right. At least regular tasks would give her a semblance of normalcy.
*****
By the time she got to the precinct, Olivia was projecting outward calm, a skill that had helped her keep her job and her sanity. When she had started work at the SVU, her emotional outbursts had nearly alienated everyone around her.
Not Elliot, she thought.
She apologized to Cragen for being late and he didn't ask her for an explanation. He could tell by the strain in her voice that something was up.
"I want you to check out this guy. Take Munch or Fin," he said, handing her a file folder. She nodded, trying not to flash back to her file folders in her bag, the ones that were no longer in alphabetical order. She showed the file to Munch and Fin.
"Who wants to come with me?"
"I'll go," offered Munch, "If that's okay with you," he said to Fin.
"Sure," Fin answered, "I've got some paperwork to do."
In the car, Olivia tried to maintain intense focus on the road.
"I left my cell phone at the precinct. If Elliot calls on your phone, can you tell him I'm not here?" she said, trying to be nonchalant.
"Trouble in paradise?" he said, raising an eyebrow. She didn't crack a smile. He continued, "Don't you think if he called you on my phone, he'd know you were here?" he said. Suddenly, the phone rang. Olivia's eyes widened.
"Please," she said as he answered.
"Munch....Oh, hi....She's right in the middle of something right now....can it wait?........Well, why doesn't she call you when she's finished today?" Olivia shook her head, No, no, no! "Okay great....Bye." Munch hung up.
"What did you say that for?" she said.
"Compromise. I won't lie for you without a good reason. Now, do you want to tell me what's going on?" Olivia told him, sparing no details. When she was finished, he whistled. "That is really something. You know, you could lose your job for that thing with your files."
"I know!" she snapped.
"Look, if you need some place to stay until you get this thing sorted out...." he said as an apology.
"I'll probably have to take you up on that," she accepted.
*****
Munch's apartment was a hell-hole.
"I didn't say you'd like staying here," he said at her face when she walked in the door. She smiled. "It's fine."
"I'm going to have a shower. Don't you have someone to call?" he said.
"I'm not calling him," she stated firmly.
"It's your choice. And it's a bad one," he said, heading to the bathroom. She sat tidied a spot to sit on the couch, removing a half-eaten egg salad sandwich and a pair of pants from the cushion before sitting. She pulled out a book and tried to read, but her heart wasn't in it. She kept straying to Elliot. Was he thinking of her? Was he sorry? Was it really her fault? She stared out the window at the view - the side of the building across the lane and a tree branch.
The phone rang. Her heart leaped into her mouth.
Don't answer it, something said. She let the answering machine pick up.
"Hi, John, this is Elliot again. I'm calling to see if Olivia's there. I really need to talk to her. If you talk to her before I do, could you get her to call me?" his voice was nervous. He hung up. Olivia listened. Munch was singing in the shower. Opera? Go figure. She rewound the tape and played it again. There was no background noise on the recording. She checked her watch. Four. Where were the kids?
Maybe I should call him.
No.
Why not?
You have to be strong. You didn't do anything wrong.
I'll try.
She rewound the tape again and erased the message.
He called again later that night. Olivia was sitting in the kitchen alcove, eating a sandwich for dinner. Munch had gone out.
"Liv? It's me. I know you're there. Please pick up. *silence* Okay....just listen. I want to talk to you. Will you please pick up? *silence* Okay then. I love you so much.....but I love my kids too. But I promise to try to never let them come between us again." The word 'Us' hung in the air of Munch's apartment. The tape ran out and the answering machine clicked off. She flipped a switch on the back so it would pick up after the first ring.
"Damn!" He was back, "I'll try to keep it short. I know we can make this work, Liv. Please, just come back." She didn't pick up. "I'll call back again later. Can you think about talking to me, at least?" He sighed before he hung up She held her head with her hands. This was such a huge mess. And he hadn't said he was sorry. What had he said? That he loved her. She appreciated that, but was it enough?
*****
Elliot pressed his hands into his eyes and leaned back on 'his bed', formerly 'their bed.' He hadn't touched her side since she left. It would mean an admission that she might not come back. Her stuff was still at his house. She'd have to come back eventually, but he didn't want it to be like it was when Kathy had left. Coming to get her stuff wouldn't be the same as coming back to stay. He missed her already, and he was sorry. He was really sorry. He heard a soft knock on his door.
"Yeah," he said. It was Lizzie.
"Hi, Daddy. I was wondering if we could go shopping tomorrow. I don't have anything to wear for Cindy's wedding," she said, eyes bright. She hadn't seemed to catch on that something was wrong. He had completely forgot about the wedding.
"Sure, sweetie. Maybe we can go somewhere else, too," he said.
"Oooh! Where?" She said, excited.
"Discuss it with your brother and your sister and decide together. Then you can tell me," he said. Lizzie ran off, slamming his door behind her. The room was feeling stuffy so he opened the window. He could smell the flowers in the yard below. Lizzie burst in again.
"We chose the Museum of Natural History," she said proudly, "Kathleen even said yes."
"Great. Uh-oh. Look at the time. Get your brother and go get ready for bed. I'll be in in a minute."
When the twins were soundly tucked into bed and Kathleen was finishing off some homework, Elliot picked up the phone again.
*****
"Don't answer it," Olivia said to Munch. "It's him."
"I'll just stay out of this," he said. He went into his room and turned on the TV.
"Hi. It's me again. I guess you've decided not to speak to me. I understand you're angry. I've been thinking about what happened, and I'm so sorry, Olivia. I'm sorry about everything Kathleen said. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you more about my kids, and I'm sorry that I didn't talk to my kids less about you. If there's anything else you're mad about, I'm sorry for that too. Maybe we both just need some time. So there's still a wedding on Saturday that I'd like you to go to with me. We don't even have to meet beforehand, we could come separately. We could talk afterwards or something. Just think about it, okay? I love you." Olivia's hand hovered over the receiver, ready to pick up, to tell him that she forgave him, that she loved him. The dial tone rang loud in her ears.
In the next room, Munch could hear Olivia crying softly.