Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and I'm in no way related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and ect. The lyrics belong to the song Full of Grace and Sarah McLachlan. This story was written for entertainment purposes only.
Authors Notes: The song Full of Grace can be heard during the ending of the second season finale (Becoming part 2). It's really sad but very, very pretty and I encourage everybody to listen to it. Please review this story and tell me what you think. You can email comments to july_baby98@hotmail.com I just wanted to say that I'm really not a dark person, this story isn't mean to be dark. But I was trying to write from Angel's P.O.V. and therefore tried to get into the feel of him while he was Angelus. I hope that makes sense.
Summery: Story written in Becoming Part 2. What if Buffy hadn't killed Angel? What if Angel had killed Buffy only seconds before regaining his soul? This story is Angels P.O.V. and what he thinks and feels after killing the only woman he's ever loved and ever will love.
Full of Grace
The winter here's cold and bitter
It's chilled us to the bone.
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
Too long, too far from home.
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground.
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never though I could feel so low
And, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.
She's the only person that could ever make me forget what I am, what I truly am. And, in a way, it's because of her that I stand here today. The demon within me has taken over; Angelus is back, baby. Back to stay.
The demon, Acathla, stands in his solid, rock formation. The stone that pierced his heart still intact. But not for long. After all, isn't it every vampire's dream to bring hell on earth? As Spike said, "people are like happy-meals with legs." Of course, Spike doesn't have the balls to bring hell to earth. He's cowering in his wheelchair next to Drusilla. That's OK, he'd just get in the way, anyway. As far as Dru goes, she's nuts anyway. Sure, she was fun to screw around with for a little while. Oh hell, who wants a babbling idiot hanging onto them all the time?
I take the knife and puncture my skin, the blood starting to rise. It's going to work this time. Finally Dru was able to torture the key to this whole damn plan out of Giles. I used to think Giles was strong and resilient when I fist met him. After tonight I realize he's like any other man, when the woman he loves is there, he's completely captivated and willing.
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place.
I know I can love you much better then this:
Full of grace, full of grace, my love.
Suddenly Buffy is here. She's pretending to be strong, she wants to look tough. But I know this girl, I love this girl, and she's terrified. She believes she'll walk away from this a winner. I almost want to apologize, because tonight she'll die, along with everybody else here. Well, excluding me.
Without turning around to face her, I proceed forward. But suddenly I am down. I can feel an instant pain shooting across the back of my head. I roll over to find Spike standing over me. "You son of a bitch. You traitor." I tell him, disgusted. He'd rather help the slayer then bring upon hell. For that he will also die.
"Look who's on the opposite side of the rope now, Angelus." He growls and starts to kick at my side. But he's not quick enough. I grab his ankle and flip him onto his back. Quickly I break a leg off a chair and puncture his chest with it. He explodes in a screaming storm of dust and ashes. He was really getting to be a pain in my ass, anyway. His destruction brings me little joy.
Suddenly I look around my mansion and realize that Drusilla has been slayed and the others have fled. So their true colors come out, I realize. It was too bad I hadn't realized what little varmints they were to begin with.
"You don't want to do this, Angel." Buffy tells me as if I'll actually believe it. Instead I laugh.
"I don't?" I pretend to ponder this, then shake my head. "I do believe I want to proceed. But first, I must get rid of one more obstacle."
There is a sword, dropped in one vampire's attempt to flee, and I grab it. But Buffy is ready with her own sword. "I see you've raided Gile's arsenal of weapons. But you're sword will do you no good tonight, slayer. Your death will be the last of my obstacles."
Soon we are exchanging swipes and jabs, both narrowly dogging. For such a little girl she sure put up one hell of a fight. That was OK, I needed to burn off some excess energy anyway.
It's better this way
I said
Haven't seen this place before.
Where everything we say and do
Hurts us all the more
It's just that we stayed to long
In the same old sickly scheme
And I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
And, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go
I can feel Angel pulsating inside me, wanting to break free. Something is happening, I can feel it. Somebody is trying to restore Angel's soul. But I will not let it happen, not this time. The first time was a fluke, this time I will prevent it. What, exactly, I will do to stop this restoration is still a mystery, but I will do something.
Buffy must sense this energy floating about the mansion because she is momentarily knocked off guard. As a result, I steal the upper hand and pin her against the wall, my sword at across her neck. One false move and her head will be severed.
"You were great, Buffy. Really good." I taunted her, knowing damn well that she understood what I meant. I wasn't lying; she was great in the sack. The best I'd had in…well, over two hundred years. But, damn it, she was so clingy. You'd have though she'd cut her losses and move on. Like I stated before, she brought this on herself. I felt another wave of energy, directed at me, hit me like a punch to the gut. I refused to lose control and kept her pinned. "I should let you live, just so you can watch all your friends die once Acathla takes over. But killing you now would bring me so much joy." The energy hits me again and this time I drop the sword from her neck. She drops to the floor as well, scrambling to get away and grab her sword. But I caught my mistake in time and picked up my sword. "So long, Buffy." I plunge the sword into her back. She drops immediately.
Suddenly the last wave of energy hits me and I can feel myself being ripped away from Angel. I claw at his insides, trying to fight it. This isn't supposed to happen! I'm so close to opening Acathla's mouth. I can't find it. Screaming, I'm ripped away from Angel and left to the black oblivion I'd been in for so long…
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I can love you much better then this:
Full of grace, full of grace.
I look around the mansion. There are piles of ashes, over turned furniture, and a tall stone demon I recognize as Acathla. And then my eyes land on her. She's bleeding, a sword through her back. It feels as though I haven't seen her in months. She's so familiar, so lovely. But I don't understand what's happening.
"Buffy?" I whisper and crawl to her. Her breathing is labored; she's fighting to hold on. I can see, though, that she's not going to make it. I want to know who did this to her, who could have killed my beautiful Buffy? The minute I find the bastard I'll tear him to pieces. Screw the having a soul shit, I want revenge.
"Angel? Why?" She manages to choke out between coughs of blood and breathing laboriously for air.
"What do you mean, Buffy? Who did this too you?" Her eyes start to roll back into her head, but I shake her. I have to know who did this. "Buffy, tell me. Who?"
She looks at me, a blank expression in her eyes, "You." She whispers. I strain to hear, and finally her words register on my ears.
I did this to her? When? How? Why? A million questions circle my mind and it can't be real. Then suddenly everything rushes back to me.
The images play in my mind, as if on fast forward. I see everything leading up to this fatal moment. My tears splash on her warm cheeks. "I love you." I say, but she's already gone. She'll never know. Instead, I close her eyelids and kiss them gently.
In her back pocket is a pointy, jagged stake. I reach back there and take it, then hold it over my heart. I can't bear to live on this earth with the memory of what I did to the only woman I've ever loved.
I plunge the stake into my heart, feeling the pain. But the pain isn't from the stake itself, it's the realization that I killed my one, true love. And then a smile splays across my face, because I also realize, at least I'll be free from all the memories and pain unto which I brought others.
I know I can love you much better then this
It's better this way.