Wow. Made it to the third chapter. Never thought I'd live to see that happen. Once again, in this incredible instalment nothing will happen, apart from. well, apart from nothing, really.

SCENE IV

A street.

*Enter Romeo (KANEDA), Mercutio (KENSHIN), Benvolio (HIEI) with various hangers-on.*

Kaneda: My feet hurt.

Hiei: Stop moaning or I'll cut them off.

Kaneda: (falling over) It's dark in this alley! Why do we have to sneak in the back way? I wanna-

Hiei: Look, do you want to know what a girl looks like or not?

Kenshin: Don't be so hard on him. He's in love.

Hiei: He falls in love every three minutes.

Kenshin: But love is important!

Hiei: Look who's talking. You killed your girlfriend!

Kenshin: There's no need to rub it in.

Hiei: Well make him shut up then. They'll recognise him even in the dark. No one else is that stupid!

Kenshin: Okay then. (attempts to shake Kaneda, who is considerably bigger than him) Pull yourself together you snivelling brat or I'll cut you up!

Hiei: (impressed)

Kaneda: (slightly concussed) La la la. pretty sky.pretty moon.ah, I must be dreaming..

Kenshin: I had a dream last night.

Hiei: That's nice.

Kenshin: It was really weird.

Hiei: I really don't care.

Kenshin: I was walking down this road and people kept trying to make me turn my sakabato over and then it went all dark and there were these little winged people and they made all tinkly noises and they were really pretty and -

Kaneda: He's been at the sake already.

Kenshin: (by now talking to anyone who'll listen) - and then they bit me and I was only wearing my pyjamas and somebody had cut my hair off and I cried and -

Hiei: Shut up.

Kenshin: Sorry.

Hiei: If you don't get a move on we might as well not go at all.

Kaneda: I can tell this is gonna be a weird night.

Hiei: ..

SCENE V

*The party. Various revellers and servants are getting drunk.*

Tenchi: (bombarded by women) Aargh! Help me! Somebody!

Enter Capulet (CARROT), Juliet (MARRON), Tybalt (MANJI) and guests.

Carrot: Woo! Look at all these women! Please sleep with me Miss! (slapped by passing girl) Okay, then you! Spend the night with me! Duh huh huh.

Marron: *cringing with embarrassment*

Enter Romeo (KANEDA), Benvolio (HIEI) and Mercutio (KENSHIN).

Kaneda: Look at all these women! Please Miss, will you -

Hiei: No, that's not a girl either.

Kaneda: (spots Marron) OHMYGOD, who is that?! Guys?

*Hiei is ignoring him and conversing pointedly with Nuriko. Kenshin is engaged in a glaring battle with Manji across the room*

Kenshin: ..

Manji: ..!

Kaneda: (talking to himself) Oh she is beautiful! I'm in love, I'm in love, look at her beautiful hair and her beautiful eyes and -

Nuriko: Phew. That's a weight off my mind.

Kenshin: (glare) .!

Manji: (glare) .!

*Kurama and Marron now appear to be having a very polite conversation whilst giving each other inappropriate looks*

Kurama: I don't know what your father's told you, but I'm a guy.

Marron: I know. I'm not blind.

Kurama: I'm so glad. You seem vaguely sane, whereas your father.

Marron: I'm not actually convinced they're my parents. This casting is bizarre. I always thought Carrot was my brother. and I know Mille isn't a woman. How I was born at all is a mystery to me.

Kurama: You think you've got problems. This isn't even my real body; I'm actually a couple of thousand years old; in my true form I'm a fox.

Marron: (pressing up closer to him) You don't say.

Kurama: (looks pleased) Uh huh!

Marron: I'm the reincarnation of a god.

Kurama: It's nice that we have something in common.

Manji: (stare) .

Kenshin: (stare) .

Kaneda: (spots Kurama kissing Marron behind potted plant) Woo! Lesbians!

Manji: Hey, I know him! He's a Montague! I wanna -

Carrot: He's not a girl.

Manji: No but -

Carrot: Then I don't care!

Manji: But he shouldn't -

Carrot: No. No fighting. Just women.

Manji: But -

Carrot: No!

Manji: (gives up)

*Exit Manji, in search of Kenshin.*

Kaneda: (crouching behind potted plant) Psst! Hey, baby!

Marron: (Kaneda is out of his line of vision) Huh?

Kaneda: Down here!

Marron: Yes? Can I help you?

Kaneda: Give us a kiss, babe!

Marron: Ick.

Kaneda: (attempts to kiss him) Please! I love you!

Marron: (slaps him)

Kurama: Excuse me. We were kind of in the middle of a private conversation.

Kaneda: (undaunted) Hey, you wanna join in too, I've got no problem with that!

Kurama: (busts out Rose Whip and sends him flying) Now where were we?

*Enter Nurse (DILANDAU), looking relatively normal in party frock.*

Dilandau: Hey! Marron! Mille wants to talk to you.

Kaneda: (whispering to Dilandau) Who is that beautiful girl?

Dilandau: Ahem. He is the only child of the Capulet household. And he's way out of your league, kid.

Kaneda: Who is?

Dilandau: Unbelievable.

Kaneda: (heroically) A Capulet, eh? Well I shall fight for her!

Dilandau: Hahahaha! You're an idiot.

Hiei: (appears from nowhere) I think you've had quite enough fun for one night. Let's go brat!

Carrot: Ok everyone! Bedtime! Any of you lucky ladies are welcome to join me! Anyone?

Mille: Meee!

Carrot: Aargh!

*Exuent all but Marron and Dilandau.*

Marron: Who the hell was that?

Dilandau: That was Kaneda. He's a Montague. The son of your great enemy. He's also a terminal idiot.

Marron: Hmm. I wonder if we were swapped at birth. He seems much more like Carrot than I do.

Dilandau: His father's certainly pretty enough.

Marron: Oh yes?

Dilandau: I don't think he's very suitable for you. If you must go for guys, stick to nice boys like Kurama.

Marron: I wasn't -

Dilandau: Kaneda may seem exciting and 'different' but that's no reason to sleep with him.

Marron: Urgh! I had no intention of -

Dilandau: That's all right then.

*Exuent.*