Chapter 18, Torments of the future queen

Lise awoke first the next morning, but it took her a while to get moving. Her body felt as if it had been pressed through a meat mince and then gotten glued back together.

    Being possessed hadn't been as bad as she had imagined it to be, but the feeling afterwards was similar to a bad hangover.

 'Have I slept since last morning?' she groaned in her thoughts as she read the time of the day by the light spilling in from the two round windows.

    Alright. Come on, get out of the bed, woman!

    Urgh…

    She needed a few minutes to assemble full control and will to follow the orders of the irritating voice in the back of her head.

    That was her most important sense, but it tap-danced on her nerves sometimes. The sense of duty.

    Most of her just wanted to keep resting, but duty was stronger than the rest. Or more stubborn.

    Grunting she sat up and bent down to fumble for her armor that she simply had dropped on the floor yesterday.

    Maybe the first hours of sleeping in that thing at least had a little to do with how she felt now…

 "Hmm…?"

    Kevin muttered something as he turned over in his own bed, still half asleep. When he opened his eyes Lise was just securing one of the first laces on her armor. She smiled a little at him and kept working on her equipment as she spoke:

 "Keep sleeping, I'll see if I can get some breakfast for us."

 "I can… agh…"

    The half blood's attempt to get out of his bed resulted in a half strangled groan of pain and he fell back.

 "Don't strain yourself, your body must have caught up with the tensions of yesterday so you'll probably be stiff," Lise warned to keep him calm, "Kevin, you don't have to be strong all the time…"

    But he grimaced and very slowly sat up despite his friend's protest.

 "Could move fine before…" he grunted.

    He grabbed the corner of the wall where it turned into the alcove of his bed and stood, determined. Lise considered protesting more, but gave up. By now she knew Kevin well enough to know that he wouldn't allow himself weakness if there was the tiniest grain of power left inside of him.

    She finished the last lace and walked closer in case he would need support. But Kevin let go of the wall and carefully stretched his bandaged arms. After a moment his grimace eased with a small sigh of relief. Seemed like the stiff pain released him at least partly as he stretched.

    Lise watched him in silence for a while before she made up her mind and spoke again.

 "Kevin, can I ask you something?"

 "Sure," he said, halting his stretching and just slowly rubbing his left upper arm instead.

 "If…"

    The princess paused for a moment, unsure if she really wanted to ask. Kevin tilted his head, waiting.

    She decided again and went through with it the second time she tried.

 "Rakadra obviously used your seasickness to get the upper hand. Do you think you would have been able to defeat him if you had been alright?"

    Kevin stopped rubbing his arm and let his hand travel to his neck instead as he pondered the question.

 "Not sure," he admitted after a while, "he strong, but depend on flying and magic…"

    He scratched his neckline with one finger.

 "Could have ripped off collar if not seasick," he added, "not impossible."

    Lise waited as he fell silent, instinctively knowing that he wasn't really done yet. Finally he shook his head with a frown.

 "I don't know. At night, inside so he couldn't fly perhaps…"

 "I was just thinking…" Lise said, rather awkwardly.

    She straightened up.

 "Anyway, if he comes back we'll take care of him again," she grimly continued.

    Kevin raised his gaze to her eyes, gravely watching her for a moment. Then his hand landed on her shoulder, once again much to her surprise. She looked back at the golden crystals of his irises, caught up in the determination that glowed in the thin dark lines between them. At first just because she waited for him to speak, then simply because those sparkling diamonds fascinated her with their sheer beauty. A thousand tiny, shimmering shards encircling the complete blackness of his pupils.

 "Me was weak," he growled, "won't happen again."

 "I know, Kevin," Lise softly said, however it came out more like a warm whisper.

    She raised her hand and placed it on his shoulder in return, unwilling to loose the sight of his eyes just then. The warmth of her reached through the fabric of his shirt.

 "He simply used dirty tricks," she continued, "and I think you fought truly well considering the circumstances."

 "Maybe," Kevin grimly said, "but should have..."

    He fell silent and bitterly shook his head.

 "You did what you could," Lise said, "besides, you took his torture without loosing consciousness or starting to plead. How can you call yourself weak after that?"

    She held back a wish to put her hand on his cheek.

 "You're not weak, Kevin. Most people would have pleaded for mercy after a few moments of that, I'm sure."

    Kevin watched her with a strange sparkling in the dark lines of his eyes.

 'I wouldn't let him do the same to you, Lise...' he thought, 'never.'

    But he didn't know how he could say that aloud.

 "Maybe," he just said.

    Lise's blue-green eyes rested on his face. They reminded Kevin of the delicate drops of water that had laid in the moonlight, shivering on the blades of grass and leaves in the forest he knew as his birthplace, his world. Looking straight back at him, warm like he'd never known that a gaze could be. And her hand on his shoulder, it sent a caressing heat into his skin.

    He felt that happy sadness stronger than ever before.

    His fingers moved without him giving any order. They wanted to leave Lise's shoulder and touch her face, but he pressed them back against the shoulder panzer.

    No.

    There was no reason for him to do anything more. Kevin couldn't explain why,  but he felt resistance at the will to touch Lise. Not like it would hurt her, he wouldn't hurt a friend... but some part of him, the shy part, told him that he shouldn't.

    As he wasn't sure he obeyed. The timidity was always the strongest when he didn't know what to do.

    But when he gave in that much, it got a firmer grip of him and forced him to slowly take his hand away.

    If you shouldn't touch her, then why do you hold your hand there, eh?

    Lise's eyes left his face and went to his hand for a moment. Then she looked back at him and took away her own hand as well. Kevin found his shoulder cold after the touch left him.

 "Shall we go and have some breakfast?" Lise said in a low voice, with a weak, almost hidden scent of reluctance in her voice.

 "Yeah."

    When they came to the dining cabin, Kevin learnt even more about the peculiar habits of the less hairy side of his lineage.

    Most of the merchants and a couple of sailors were still having breakfast there, and as soon as Lise entered and seemed to walk towards the table the men and women almost fell over each other; trying to make room for the princess. Earlier they had just thrown her some happy comments about the won battle against Navarre and a few of the younger men had given her bypassing glances for her looks. But now that they knew who she really was they were desperate to make her as comfortable as possible.

    Kevin clearly smelled her frustration and the sigh she held back. It amazed him that the humans didn't feel it. He knew that they had much punier sense of smell, but what Lise felt seemed impossible to miss.

 "Look, I traveled incognita for a reason," she said in a neutral voice, "calm down for heaven's sake."

    She sat down without waiting for any sort of reply, and Kevin joined her. He noted that the tense scent of all the others seemed to increase when he did so, but he didn't understand why and kept quiet. 

    Not before Lise took a piece of bread and offered Kevin one somebody dared to talk. As if she wasn't human until she showed that she actually ate like everyone else.

    One of the merchants cleared his throat, politely, and spoke.

 "Excuse me, Your Highness..."

 "Say miss or just Lise," the princess replied, forcing a natural smile.

    She noted that the people who she had argued with about Kevin the other day hardly dared to look at her. It made her feel a bit better, but at the same time that feeling of triumph came with the realization that she was childish and silly. There was nothing she or Kevin ever had needed to prove to them. Now they accepted his presence simply because they knew who she was, didn't they? It was plain idiocy.

 "Miss Lise, uh... how come you have left Rolante so soon after the victory?" the man said, a bit nervous.

 "Navarre is out of the land, that is true," the princess calmly said, "but my brother prince Eliott is still lost somewhere. Me and Kevin are looking for him."

   Kevin was eating the bread she had given him. But even though he wasn't looking up he felt the glances that swiftly touched him. What were they all so nervous about? He had never been treated like some kind of monster by the beastmen even though he was their crown prince.

 "And what will happen when you have found him, miss?" another merchant asked, carefully.

   The half blood beastman looked up as he felt Lise stiffen for some reason. She looked calm, but she sure didn't smell like it.

 "Rebuild everything that was destroyed, of course," she said in the same voice as before.

   Silence. The air was thick with a wish for something more. The hair on the back of Kevin's neck bristled, he felt somehow alarmed.

   Lise pursed her mouth, hardly visibly.

 "And yes, I'll be in charge." 

   Her voice was suddenly chilly; it almost startled Kevin. He saw her hands tighten around the bread, but the table blocked that sight for almost everyone else in the room.

   And it seemed like the cold edges of her voice were waved off by the merchants and sailors.

 "That's comforting to know," yet someone else said, "my condolence for what happened to your father and everyone else, miss."

   Lise seemed to force herself into swallowing the strange anger.

   Where had that come from?

   The hairs on Kevin's neck still stood like a forest, as if there was some danger there in the cabin. He didn't know what it was that the princess found unpleasant, but it was contagious. Even though she was a little calmer now, for the moment.

 "Thank you," Lise said in a low voice.

   Her loosened tension returned with new strength by the next words that entered the room.

 "And..." the second merchant that had spoken said in a voice that sounded innocent but made Kevin's teeth grit by themselves, "will you work alone with leading the kingdom?"

   Lise clenched her jaw, and her voice didn't sound natural as she replied.

 "I haven't made any plans of accepting challenges at this point, and I have received none either..."

   Kevin thought that everyone glanced at him, but he was busy watching Lise from the corner of his eyes, frowning.

 "... But if you'd like to, sir, I could of course test you right away," the princess ended.

   The merchant chuckled, as unnatural as Lise's voice.

 "Who, me?" he said, nervously, "not before and definitely not after your battle with that demon. I was never fit for that job anyway."

 "I must have misunderstood you, then," the princess politely said, "I'm sorry."

 "Oh no, miss, I was just clumsy in picking words," the man assured.

 "I see."

   Lise took a bite of the bread to mark an end of the conversation for the moment. And she kept eating, forcefully, seemingly only to keep everyone else from talking to her. With her uneasiness stinging his nostrils Kevin ate the rest of his own breakfast. As he left the room, walking behind Lise just a couple of minutes later he still hadn't uttered a single word.

    She almost broke into their personal cabin, stopped dead by the table and furiously grabbed the edges of the furniture.

    Kevin closed the door and walked closer to her, frowning.

 "What wrong, Lise?" he said in a low voice, standing just a couple of feet behind her.

    At first she just shook her head, staring at the wood before her.

 "So idiotic…" she finally muttered in frustration.

 'This is why I didn't want anyone to know! Accursed demon…'

    She straightened up, rubbing her forehead. When she looked around at him and saw her friend's puzzled look she shook her head again.

 "They just wanted to know if I've made plans of marriage already, to know how great chance they have at me. Merchants are the nobility of Palo, see?"

    Kevin still looked puzzled, but there was some kind of concern in the back in his eyes.

 "Why?" he asked, his eyebrows crouching beneath the earthquake on his forehead.

 "Because I'm going to be queen…"

    Lise fell silent and watched his blank look for a moment. Then it dawned on her.

 "You don't have that in the Beast Kingdom, do you?" she slowly asked, "Beast King is the first king you've ever had, right?"

 "Yeah?"

 "Well…"

    With a sigh she sat down on a chair.

 "In the human countries there must, or at least should always be both a king and queen," she tried to explain, "at least as long as there are no heirs that can take the throne later on…"

 'I always hated this thought, and this is going to sound so stupid!' she angrily thought, 'heck, it is idiotic!'

    Kevin sat down on the other chair, his frown not easing the slightest even as he spoke.

 "Can understand that, but why would merchants think that you would marry them?"

 "Because I might end up with one of them," Lise grunted, watching her hands.

 "Gah?"

    She shook her head once again.

 "You see, for a queen there is no time to search for a true love," she bitterly said, "especially not for me since I'll have to take care of the rebuilding and go on patrols. Like all other nobilities I'll have to see suitors and try to choose someone who seems…"

    Her hands clenched.

 'This is so stupid!'

 "… Well, someone who seems to be the best for all parts. I know it sounds strange, but that's how it works."

    Kevin crossed his arms, watching Lise with an expression that she couldn't read. He seemed a bit confused still, but very irritated as well. Very.

 "If don't want to, then why do?" he finally asked.

 "I'll have to think about the kingdom," Lise muttered, "the people will need to feel secure about the throne, so that we all can concentrate on rebuilding Rolante."

    She looked up and met his gaze, her eyes tired.

 "See, now we're back there again," she said, "I have my responsibilities, and those are firstly towards my kingdom. The people of Rolante and Palo are under my wings now that father is dead."

 "Don't like that," Kevin grimly said.

 "You or me?" she asked and tried to force a smile.

 "Both. You marry one who just look good as ruler?"

 'Stupid…'

 "Yes, you summed it up pretty well."

    Kevin's hair… bristled? His whole mane seemed to shiver as his eyes narrowed. At that sight Lise had to force herself not to blink. Many times she had seen him angry, but he had never showed frustration like that. Perhaps it was suppressed anger…?

    Why would that make him so upset? The thought of just picking some random sweet talker with enough knowledge of battle to handle her… to share her entire life with someone she'd have to learn to know later on made Lise's whole body feel icy, but she had never encountered anyone who…

 'Kevin, you're just…'

 "No, no, don't feel like that…" she tried to calm him.

 "Me think of my mother," Kevin said with a deep growl in his voice, "she didn't like, so she ran away. Don't even know if she had choice. It wrong!"

    The growl overtook his voice almost completely during the last two sentences and his fists hit the table so hard that it was a pure miracle that the wood didn't fall into pieces. Lise's hands shot forward and grabbed his massive fists by themselves; she almost laid on the table as she reached out like that. It astounded her; it astounded him.

 'How did I get here? Why? Alright, now I'm here, I'm holding his hands and looking really dumb. So what do I do next?'

 'Lise…?' Kevin thought.

    He couldn't even think of anything better to think in his surprise. The singeing anger that had arisen and stung his whole body roared up into one single burning flame and then died, only for a short moment truly painful. He blinked, looking at their hands as his mane slowly laid back.

 "Kevin, your mother must have been a very strong woman who managed to get out of the Beast Kingdom. And you mustn't draw a line between whatever happened to her and me."

 "Lise."

    He clenched his jaw and looked up.

 "It wrong. You don't like."

 "No I don't, I hate thinking about it," she honestly admitted, "but…"

    She tilted his head a little with a tiny shadow of a smile.

 "In any case I won't have to chose anyone for a while," she continued, "first of all we're going to find Eliott. And Rolante should be in a better shape. Plus, I'm still only seventeen years old, so I can't get married yet. And lastly, in the end I'll be the one to choose and nobody else. Besides, not too many even dare to propose because they'll have to battle me before I can accept them."

    Kevin's eyebrows twitched by the last line.

 "Wh-what?" he said.

    The princess had to catch up with her breath before she could speak again. That had been a rather breathless rant towards the end.

 "What of it?" she said, much calmer than before.

 "Battle you?" Kevin asked with raised eyebrows.

    Lise nodded.

 "It's a tradition of Rolante," she told him, "the king must be strong enough to win over the queen."

 "Why?"

 "Oh, there was this ancient queen who got possessed and… uh…"

    She fell silent and actually smiled a bit, ironically. Kevin grunted, almost like a dry laugh.

 "Got possessed by an evil spirit," Lise corrected, "and only her fiancé dared to go against her."

    Carefully she let go of his hands and sat back on her chair.

 "But still not right," he muttered, his lips drawing back to show at least half of his teeth collection.

 "No, I know… ha."

    Lise gave a short laugh without much joy, instead more irony.

 "They probably thought that I had picked you already, come to think of it."

    At that Kevin blinked and it took him a moment to assemble his mind after that one.

 "Since we travel together?" he said, eyebrows twitching again.

 "Yeah…"

    Lise snorted at the memory of the sailor that she had been forced to explain herself to.

 'So that's why they gave me such weird looks,' Kevin thought, irritated.

    Much anger and pain he had faced, but this made him furious simply because of the idiocy. He couldn't understand why Lise would have to think of everyone else even when she looked for someone to love. It was simply… sick. 

    And just because he traveled with Lise people would believe that… uh…

    His ears suddenly felt hot.

    Ahem.

    Lise was watching the table; for the moment he was almost glad that he didn't have to meet her gaze.

 "Anyway…"

    She suddenly straightened up, but didn't raise her eyes.

 "They probably won't bother us in that matter again, I hope," she said, "and later on people won't know who neither of us are. So let's just concentrate on what we're doing now, alright?"

    Where did that "we" suddenly come from? Oh, she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

    No, he could understand that. 

 "Sure," Kevin said, forcing himself to sound natural.

    Lise looked up and smiled a bit. It seemed like the concern he felt was hidden well enough for her to not notice it.