Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns it all (except James Marsters…he's all mine!) Set one year after Season 6 finale; Anya and Xander have got back together, Spike is yet to return and Buffy is hiding her feelings towards him.

Chapter One – Sweet Dreams

Buffy was cold, she pulled her coat tightly to her and walked on through the cemetery. She smiled to herself as she saw the eerie mists around the bottom of the gravestones, it only ever happened in horror movies and her dreams. It seemed as if she had been patrolling forever, but the moon was still high and she knew that it was only early. As she passed yet another crypt, she couldn't help but think of Spike. He had disappeared a year before and no-one knew where he had gone, no-one had seen him and there was no word of him on the demon underground. Was he even coming back? She walked on, the sky darkening as thick cloud covered the moon; she ignored the rain that was starting to fall. The cemetery seemed never-ending and she could hear the footsteps behind her, hear the wet sound each foot made in the mud, she walked on. The footsteps continued, following her every move and growing louder as they drew nearer. She stopped dead in her tracks, the footsteps ceased. The cold night seemed to wash over her as she stood still; suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, almost caressing her. She stayed still, relishing the touch; it felt oddly cool but so familiar.

" Angel?" she whispered as she turned, blinking through the rain. The darkness hid his face but she recognised his long, leather jacket. He stepped forward, a break in the clouds bathing him in the moonlight…

" Not Angel, luv," Buffy looked up in surprise but relief and fell into his arms.

Buffy's eyes snapped open and she looked across at her bedside clock: nine o'clock. She sighed as she climbed out of bed slowly, stopping to rub her eyes and push her hair back from her face. She left the room and walked downstairs but she was the only one up, there were no weekend cartoons blaring from the living room and Willow was not in the kitchen making Buffy's coffee. Buffy frowned as she made two mugs of coffee before walking back up the stairs and heading for Willow's room. She knocked before opening the door and found Willow sitting up in bed, reading the newspaper.

" Hey, what's up?" she asked, folding her paper as Buffy walked into the room and sat cross-legged at the end of the bed, handing her a mug of coffee and taking a large mouthful from her own.

" I had a dream about Spike," said Buffy, she saw the smirk starting to creep across Willow's face, " Not one of those dreams!"

" Okay, I'm sorry. What was it then?"

" I don't know. He was back in Sunnydale and he was following me while I patrolled," she said, " I thought it was Angel,"

" Angel? Why would you think Spike was Angel?"

" God, I don't know. It just didn't feel like Spike, it was too soft. It just felt like Angel,"

" I thought you said it wasn't one of those dreams!" teased Willow. Buffy threw the folded newspaper at her. " Hey, you can't slay your friends! Leave me alone!"

" Maybe I'm reading too much into this but it just felt so real. I seriously thought it was Angel though… Maybe I should call Giles," said Buffy thoughtfully.

" I don't think you need to bother him. Not 'til you know what's going on, you might just be missing him or something,"

" Why would I be missing him? I mean, it's Spike, why would I be missing Spike?"

" I actually meant Angel but you've obviously got someone else on your mind. Buffy, I know how you feel about Spike, I can see it in your eyes every time his name's mentioned," smiled Willow, Buffy went quiet and stared at the pattern on the duvet, not wanting to admit to Willow that she was missing him. Missing him more than anything. Missing him more than she wanted to.

" Maybe I should go and patrol,"

" Er, it's morning. Y'know, daylight!"

" Yeah, but I'd like to know what's going on now rather than later. If I'm not back, tell Dawn where I've gone," she smiled before jumping off the bed and changing her clothes, ready to visit the place she'd been avoiding for twelve months. Spike's crypt.

Despite the sun being high and not a cloud in sight, Buffy always found the cemetery cold. It was as if the sunlight could not penetrate it, unable to reach the gravestones and crypts and tombs of Sunnydale's loved and lost. Buffy headed straight for Spike's old crypt, she stopped beside the entrance and leaned against it. The last time she had seen him, Spike had hurt her a lot. Attempted rape was definitely not a turn on for her but she had been unable to stop thinking about him despite it. Spike had hurt her a million times over and probably would again but she knew she had to see him. She needed to; she wanted to - she wanted him. Breathing deeply, she heaved open the crypt door, stepped inside and slammed it behind her. Thin shafts of sunlight beamed down from the high windows, illuminating the otherwise dark room, Buffy glanced quickly around. Nothing had changed; everything was exactly as he had left it. Left it without a word to her. Without thinking, Buffy sat down on Spike's bed and looked around again, twisting her hands into the material of his sheets. She closed her eyes and wished away the hot tears she could feel building up behind her eyes.

" Slayers don't cry," said a familiar voice. She didn't open her eyes, she couldn't. She felt a hand move around her neck and pulling her, she didn't want to open her eyes in case it was all another dream. Her head found his hard chest and she sighed loudly, letting a few tears fall.

" Where have you been?" she sniffed, opening her eyes as he pushed her away from him. Spike looked down at her, his eyes filled with sadness and Buffy was shocked at how fragile he looked.

" Away, but I'm back now. God, Buffy I missed you," he sighed, tears forming in his own eyes. He pulled her to him again and kissed her hair, breathing in her scent. He suddenly pushed her away from him and held her still; she looked up at him, confused by his actions. " Buffy, I really need to apologise for what happened the night I left town…"

" Spike, don't. I really don't want to talk about it, just forget about it. I have and you should too,"

" No. I really hurt you, I know I did and I just want to say that I am so sorry. You know I'll never hurt you again, right?" he said, brushing her hair away from her face.

" I know," she whispered. He pulled her into his arms again and held her tight as if his heart would explode if he ever let her go. He had wanted to hold her every night he had been gone, every night he had been away from her. Buffy sat with her arms around his neck and relished the feeling of him against her body again but part of her was angry. Angry with him and angry with herself. She could barely believe that she had ever shed a tear for him after what he did, what he was but just being with him again was intoxicating; the familiar swirl of anger and lust was filling her body once more. It played with her mind and she loved the feeling of confusion, of never knowing whether to kiss him or kill him.

She pulled away and looked up at him, he seemed so sad. His eyes appeared so much older than they used to, as if he was feeling the weight of his age. His skin was paler and his hair was less harsh, it was still blonde but not as white and bleached as normal. Again, she was shocked at how fragile he looked, as if he would break if she shook him too hard. He looked so different…