Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is an original MGM, Greenburg/Anderson, Gekko, Top Secret, Kawoosh! production. Any material relating to Stargate SG-1 is for entertainment only, and is in no way meant as an infringement on copyrights. In other words, I own nadda.
Background: Just to reiterate - the Jack and Sam in this fic are NOT our Jack and Sam. This is an alternate reality fic.
A/N: That said - the next chapter (probably the last) will be about our Jack and Sam. Just to make things a little more confusing.
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I don't know how to start this letter. Let's face it, it's not every day you write to yourself, is it? So you'll understand that I didn't begin with the usual beginning. Writing 'Dear Me' seemed a little too cliché and you probably know how I, we, feel about clichés.
The woman who presumably gave this letter to you is Dr Samantha Carter. And, unless you've gone off to read this by yourself, or she's out of the room or not there at all, she's right now standing in front of you. Don't look at her at any time while you read this letter. It'll really bug her, I promise you; she's not very patient.
I wrote this letter in the hope that she'd tell you about me one day - but knowing Sam she'll tell you straight away, probably as a point of honesty. In that case, it can't be too long after I left this reality to return to my own.
So.... I'm you. And you're... also you. But me as well. Look, it doesn't make any sense to me so get her to explain it to you, won't you? She does this cool thing with fruit that you just have to see, and she has a nice line with metaphors and similes as well. Most of the time I still don't get the concepts she throws at me, even with the help, but it's nice to look at her while she at least tries to explain.
In my reality, I work with Major Samantha Carter, USAF. She's my second in command, in fact. My own personal genius, a theoretical astrophysicist, would you believe it? Took me a couple of months to actually *say* that, let alone find out what it meant. I can't count the number of times she's kicked alien ass for me, or pulled me out of trouble or found a way to save lives, planets, people. She is, in every sense of the word, *miraculous*. I don't know what I would do without her.
You're probably wondering why I sent this Sam to you. Maybe you already have an inkling. God knows she's gorgeous. First thing I thought when I saw her (my Sam, that is) - swiftly followed by irritation, but that's another story. But the outside really isn't the best thing about her, even if it is a *very* nice outside. There's this... quality to her. Without getting too poetic, I can honestly tell you that she has an enthusiasm for life that I've never really seen before. Whatever she does, she does it with a light in her eyes and a glow about her that has half the men on base drooling after her, while she is completely oblivious.
It should be obvious by now that I'm one of those men. Except she's not oblivious. And she reciprocates in kind, God knows why - what the hell would someone like her see in me, of all people? Maybe it's different for you, but the fact that she loves me boggles my mind. Sometimes I lie awake just thinking about it, trying to work it out, but the puzzle is ongoing and I've never put it together. Maybe one day I'll ask her and one day she'll tell me, you never know.
Anyway, frat regs being what they are, the war with our Goa'uld ongoing, and considering our respective positions in the command structure of the SGC, there is nothing we can do about it. Nothing we will do about, I might stress. The longer I go on, the stronger I feel like my world would be nothing without her. Though every day could be our last, I respect her too much to risk anything to cross the line we set to protect our careers. I say 'our careers', but I'm doing this for her. The SGC sustained me after Charlie died and Sara left, SG-1 became my family and Carter became almost everything to me - these are the reasons I stay. I doubt that I will rise beyond Colonel - my attitude to my superiors being what it is - but she'll fly high one day and deserves to. An affair with her CO would in no way help her career.
Until I retire, there is nothing we can do. And if we die tomorrow, every chance we could have had will die with it. I try not to regret that, and repeat to myself all the excellent reasons for why we haven't talked anything over, haven't done anything to cement what we feel for each other. But it's difficult. No, it's nearly impossible, and distinctly painful.
Which is why I sent this Samantha Carter to you.
As I understand it, all alternate realities differ in one way or even billions. So while physically this Sam is the same as mine (down to the mysterious mole, I'm told), this Sam is a Doctor, she's not in the Air Force. And she was married to a man who, in our reality, went completely nuts off-world and thought he was a god. I know enough from the hints my Sam has dropped about Captain Jonas Hanson to know that he was a control freak, something of a dangerous guy, Black ops trained. I know she was engaged to him, gave him the ring back when she felt too smothered. But this Sam didn't, and judging from what I've found out about her in the last day and a half, she's just a little battered from the experience.
She's still Sam Carter, though. Still brilliant, passionate, loyal, honourable and honest. She still works through the night, forgets to eat, loves her job, her career, and her family. She still likes my sense of humour, is one of the few people who will actually laugh at the ridiculous things I say, and doesn't seem to think I'm beyond hope.
I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm setting you up.
Your life has been different from mine. The obvious differences are Charlie and Sara, but I won't go into that. You will be a different guy than me, but not so different that you will ignore this letter, and the woman that came with it, even if it takes you six years to get to know her as well as I do. She doesn't know why I sent you - she might have an idea, of course, but unless you tell her she won't know for sure. I think telling her what to wear got her real suspicious but I've always liked those jeans on her and I hope you get a kick out of them as well.
I have no idea how to end this letter either, so I'll just finish by saying that I fell in love with my Sam Carter with no intention of falling in love again. I hope to God you do as well.
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It was definitely his handwriting.
Jack wiped a hand across the back of his mouth and looked through into the living area where Charlie and their guest were sitting at the table, lightly discussing something. He hadn't wanted to leave Charlie alone with her - his son wasn't comfortable with strange women at the best of times - but Jack had been desperate to read through the letter again. Just to see if what he'd read was still there on paper.
Alternate realities?
He was trying to decide if that was more weird than going through an alien circle onto another planet. At the moment, the evidence was leaning towards just as weird, but just as believable. The handwriting was his, no doubt about it, and unless someone somewhere was conjuring up an elaborate plot for no discernible reason, it was the real thing.
Which meant...
Jack was trying not to think about what it meant.
He looked back into the room again. She was smiling at something Charlie had said, her face lit up. The other Jack hadn't been kidding - she was gorgeous. It wasn't an obvious kind of good looks, it was more subtle than that. She glowed with health and life and energy. The kind of woman who could light up a room - and there he was, spouting clichés just like the other Jack had done.
The fact that Charlie hadn't frozen up and gone silent in front of her was testament to her abilities as a people person. Jack had had two girlfriends since Sara had died, one who had obviously been a rebound and one who had been an old family friend. Neither had got on with Charlie - the first hadn't understood him, the second had understood him too well - and consequentially Jack hadn't been comfortable seeing them further.
He looked down at the letter again. The possibility that he could fall in love with another woman was one Jack had put on hold, then put off completely. It had seemed too complicated, what with Charlie's dislike of potential mother figures and Jack's own lack of resolution. Frankly, he felt too old to start again.
But this Jack had managed it.
This Jack was in love with another version of *that* woman. Hopelessly, so it seemed.
''Dad! Are you *growing* the beans in there?''
Her soft chuckle.
Jack quickly poured the boiled water into the cups and picked up the tray. ''My, aren't we demanding this morning,'' he said, mock-glaring at his son. He was surprised to see how cheerful Charlie was looking and he wondered what he had missed. ''So, what have you guys been talking about?''
''Hiking. Sam says she'd like to take the east trail walk after breakfast.''
Sam? Jack thought. When he'd left, Charlie had been calling her 'Dr Carter'. ''Sure, we can do that.''
''If you're not busy....'' She looked a little embarrassed, if anything, she looked more shy of him than she did of Charlie. Then again, she didn't have any expectations about Charlie, whereas he was a little more ambiguous.
''Not at all.''
''You'll probably need a warmer sweater,'' Charlie suggested, looking at the little zip-up sweater she was wearing doubtfully. He reached across the table for the cream and poured it liberally into his cocoa, his spoon clinking against the side of the cup as he stirred.
''I have some stuff in my car.''
''Dad'll help you,'' Charlie announced.
Jack raised his eyebrows at his son's decision. ''Sure.''
Which was why, directly after breakfast, he and Dr Carter found themselves walking side by side down the track. She kept shooting him little looks out of the corner of her eye, then looking away if he caught her gaze. Her cheeks were almost permanently pink and she didn't seem to know what to do with her hands. It was good to know she was just as uncomfortable as he was.
As they approached, Jack could hear the tinny sound of a cell phone ringing. '' Your phone?'' he asked.
She nodded tightly but rather than opening the back passenger door and grabbing the demanding item, as he'd expected, she opened the back and pulled out a neat little holdall, which he took from her. She slammed the door shut and started walking towards the track.
Confused, Jack glanced back at the phone, still flashing away on the back seat. '' Um, aren't you gonna get that?''
'' It's not important.''
Frowning, Jack walked after her. '' How do you know?''
'' I just do.''
Since she hadn't seen the ID, Jack assumed someone had been calling her frequently. He was a little concerned - she seemed to be rather important in the work that she and Kawalski did. Saving the world and all that. '' It could be work.''
'' It's not.''
She sounded so sure. Jack stopped in the middle of the track. '' Is there something you need to tell me, Doc?''
Three metres ahead of him, she too stopped, and sighed. Her head half-turned towards him. '' It's just... my ex-husband.''
Irrationally, Jack felt a flash of anger. He didn't know where it had come from, he didn't understand it, but he stored it away to think about later. '' He been bothering you?''
Dr Carter - he really had to call her something else - nodded her head. '' Sometimes....'' She stopped, started again, '' We divorced three months ago. Before that we were separated for two years. Three and a half years married. Sometimes he calls me up to tell me it's all my fault, that's all. I made the mistake of actually answering yesterday and he's got the idea that I'll listen to him. Usually I don't. He won't stop until he gets a distraction and with the SGC on downtime for the next two weeks it would be best if I just ignored him.''
Jack had crept forward throughout her speech until he was standing just to the left of her shoulder. '' You work with him?''
'' He's leader of SG-9, one of the teams we send through the gate. They were going to promote him last year but he had an improper relationship with a woman off-world. Somehow that became my fault as well.'' Her smile was forced, and entirely hurt.
Jack was moved far enough to put his hand up to squeeze her upper arm in support - the very idea of tormenting a woman like that was beyond Jack's comprehension. Particularly, he realised, this woman.
She turned her head towards him, looking up into his face with eyes that were wide, dark and full. Jack made a decision then and there - whatever happened could happen. He wasn't going to ignore her and he wasn't going to treat her like a stranger. At the very least, he would gain a friend. At the most.... he didn't want to think about it in case he jinxed it.
'' Do you like hockey?'' he asked suddenly.
She grinned, finally, and it pleased him to see her lose that tragic look on her face. '' I know next to nothing about it, Colonel.''
It had been years since anyone had called him that, and he *really* didn't want her to. '' Jack,'' he said sternly.
Her dimples quivered in amusement. '' Sam, then.''
Casually - he hoped - he looped an arm about her shoulders and they started walking, the ringing from her cell slowly dissipating the closer they came to the cabin. '' Okay, Sam, me and Charlie will fill you in on the hike. Then there are some classic moments we've got on video that you just *have* to see to understand the beauty of the game.''