Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters I am using in this story. They are the property of George Lucas. Any stolen lyrics used are from the song "Bed of Lies" by Matchbox 20. No infringement is intended in either case.
Author's Note: No, I don't know how many there will be in this series. Sometimes I just get into this mood.
The Reset Button Chapter 4: PlayTo anyone who believed hard enough, there was no war raging outside the ship's hull; the galaxy was not on the brink. Traveling through hyperspace, the battles against the Vong were almost distant memories. Luke Skywalker was sitting up in bed, listening to his wife snore lightly, and watching their young son sleep dreamlessly.
He wanted everything to go back to the way it had been. He was tired of fighting battles that they never seemed to win; he was tired of fearing for the future of his infant. He was just plain tired.
It would be several more hours before Luke and his family arrived at the next destination in their attempts to hide all military operations from the Vong. The Jedi Master knew he should try and get some sleep, but his mind was too active. There were just too many things to think about.
Looking at Mara, it still amazed him that they had gotten married and had a child together. It was no longer sheer awe over her stunning beauty, or a feeling that he had been blessed by her consenting to be part of his life. No, he was just shocked that they had made it this far. She had almost died, the Vong were trying to kill all the Jedi…she had once tried to kill him.
Surprisingly, Callista had never asked about that in their conversations. The former-Jedi had asked about their wedding and the birth of their son, but she had never asked him "Luke, how could you love the woman that had tried to kill you?" He was glad she hadn't asked him, because he wasn't really sure he had a good answer.
Throwing the blankets back, Luke quietly exited their quarters and began to pace through the dimly lit hallways of the ship. He tried to remember the last time he and Mara had made love, and he couldn't. He tried to remember when the last time was that she'd told him that she loved him; it was hard to recall. He couldn't even remember the last time that he'd said he loved her.
The smiles had been enough for a while—one in the morning as they woke, one in the evening as they went to bed. He'd been telling himself that he could feel how much his wife loved him; he didn't need to hear. Funny that she didn't offer to say it, either.
He could have tossed it all up to the war; it was taking a lot out of everyone. He'd seen Han and Leia almost lose it all. But they had come back from the brink. And he could actually feel their love for each other, no matter what was going on. Could he honestly say the same thing about Mara and himself?
"Luke?" Her voice was groggy and concerned.
He looked up to see Mara standing in the doorway of their room, wearing the blankets like a long cape. He smiled at her briefly and then walked over to give her a hug.
"Are you all right?"
He thought about lying to her, and saying that everything was fine. But Mara knew him better than that. Ushering her back inside the room, he closed their door and locked it. She sat down on the bed, watching him with curious, but sleepy, green eyes.
"I'm not sure we're being honest with each other, Mara." She raised a red eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He sat down next to her on the bed, taking her hand in his.
"Doesn't it ever feel to you like…well, like we're not really meeting each other's needs? Do the moments ever seem…hollow, empty?"
She was angry, that much was immediately clear. But Luke also sensed that she wasn't angry with him, so much as with herself for not having admitted his questions earlier than 0300 hours a year and a half into their marriage.
"Maybe," she answered, still trying to be optimistic. "What's bringing this on, Skywalker?"
He involuntarily flinched; it was like hearing Han call him 'kid.' Shaking it off, and hoping she didn't notice, he took a deep breath:
"I've been talking to Callista for the past month and a half."
Mara pressed her lips together, turning them almost as pale as her skin. Anger rose inside her again, and this time he was definitely the cause. "Have you been seeing her?"
He shook his head. "No. But talking with her has got me thinking…Mara, I think we might have been wrong."
Luke had hurt her. Unconsciously, their gazes fell on Ben, who still slept peacefully despite the emotional turmoil in the room with him. She was the first to look away, and her eyes were a little moister than they had been.
"Was he a mistake too?"
"No," he breathed softly. "Ben is the best thing that has ever happened to me." He squeezed her hand gently. "But Mara, it doesn't feel like passion anymore when I see you; it doesn't even feel like love. Its just sort of…acceptance."
She nodded. "I didn't want to be the one to turn the whole thing over," she finally said after a moment of silence.
"I know," he whispered. "But it's not there any more, Mara; some needs are just not being met."
"Is it because of her?" she asked.
Luke shook his head. "She was a catalyst for it all, but if you're asking me if I'm leaving you for her…no. I've never discussed any of this with her; I don't think she feels anything for me more than nostalgia."
He took some of the extra blankets and put them on the floor by Ben's crib. To Mara's upturned eyebrow, he could only answer: "It's better than sleeping in a bed of lies."