Title: Please, Don't Leave Me

Rating: PG-13

Author: Michele          

E-mail: WP82787@aol.com

Summary: Angel's finally reached his Shanshu and rushes back to Buffy. Wesley and Cordelia continue the business when they get a case and Cordelia is deathly injured. Warning: Character death.

Couples: Cordelia/Angel, Angel/Buffy friendship, Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya, and Fred/Gunn, Dawn/Connor implied.
Feedback: Yes please! Much needed!
Disclaimer: Angel and crew belong to the magnificent Joss Whedon and company. Nothing is mine, just my imagination. *g*    

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Chapter Four

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"Is it time?" asked the man.

"Yes, it is. He has failed the test and his consequences will be the effect of his foolishness."

"So he looses everything then?"

"I'm afraid so. He has proved that he is not ready to take on the responsibility of his humanity. He has a lot to learn from this experience."

Again with that said and speaking in unison, they recited a passage that was to make it so.

"By the powers vested in us, we return the lost soul to the being that he once was."

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Angel suddenly jolted up feeling as the life was being sucked out of him. Like the air was being sucked right from his body. He gasped for his last breath and breathed no more. Everyone ran to his side to see what was wrong. Buffy placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Angel what happened?" Angel clenched his chest where his heart beat. Or used to beat? What the hell happened? His heart was no longer beating. This couldn't be happening. His shanshu was supposed to be permanent. Angel ran to the desk clerk.

"Excuse me miss but you wouldn't happen to have a mirror would you?"

"Sure." She handed him the mirror and he brought it up to his face.

No reflection.

He was a vampire again. A lifeless being with only a soul to keep him from being *completely* dead. The desk clerk saw his expression and became concerned.

"Is everything alright sir?" Angel kindly gave the mirror back to her and reassured her that he was fine. He trudged back to his seat. Buffy asked him again what had happened.

"I'm a vampire again."

"What?! But how?"

"I don't know. I just felt this sudden shock and then it felt like the life was being sucked out of me. And it *did*. It was like someone just stuck their hand in my lungs and sucked the air out."

He didn't understand what was going on. Why would the Powers give him his humanity and then take it back?

"Maybe it's about time you went and saw the Powers." Suggested Wesley.

"Yeah I guess but I first want to see Cordelia again." Angel proceeded to her room and saw that she still lay unconscious in her bed. It had already been 3 hours since the operation and she hadn't even blinked. He again sat in the chair by her bed and held one of her fragile hands in his own. He looked at the beautiful angel lying before him and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. 

"Oh Cordy. I can't stand this. You're everything to me. I need you. I'm nothing without you. You need to come back. Nothing will ever be the same without you. Who's going to scold me about wearing nothing but black everyday? Or that I never can crush a bunch of coffee beans with my bare hands? Who's going to keep my head leveled when I get another sudden Epiphany? Who's going to make sure I get out of my 'Mr. Broody' stage and learn to have 'fun'? Who's going to be there to make me smile when I'm down and don't want to? Who's going to redo all the filing when I file the cases under the wrong letter? Who's going to make my coffee every morning, which by the way, you make wonderfully? You see? I can't do this without you. Please, come back to me I…"

Suddenly Cordelia went into another uncontrollable seizure.

"What's…?" Angel tried to keep her steady as her whole body began to shake violently. Arms, legs and body shaking as it hit her with full force. Her heart monitor indicated that her heart was racing above normal and her blood pressure continued to rise. She again developed a fever and was sweating furiously, hair plastered to her soaked face. Nurses and Doctors heard her monitor and rushed in to help.

"I'm sorry sir but were going to have to ask you to either step back or leave." Cordelia continued to shake as they tried to apply cool water cloths on her head and inject some medication that would help slow down the seizures.

Angel stepped back and watched as they continued to try and restrain her from her violent shaking. Finally as Cordelia began to stop shacking and when everything seemed to be back to normal, the unexpected happened.

Her heart completely stopped.

The line on the heart monitor went completely straight. Nurses and Doctors again began to assist her, shocking her heart and doing CPR trying to revive her. After a good number of shocks and CPR attempts it was all done.

There was nothing left they could do.

"Time of death? …8:36am."

One of the doctors covered up the lifeless body. Angel stood back away from it all and watched as they unhooked all the machines from her body. He was completely numb. Nothing in his body giving any sign of felling or movement. The doctor passed by and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I'm terribly sorry. We did all we could." The doctor left Angel and the now deceased Cordelia alone.

Angel hadn't moved from the position he was in. Having no feeling in his entire body as he just continued to stare at the lifeless body before him. Realization hadn't settled in as he ran to her, ripping the sheet away and began to shake her fragile body. Wesley, Buffy and the gang ran into the room finding a very grief-stricken Angel shaking a lifeless body.

"Cordelia! Come on Cordy…wake up. Don't leave me…Cordy…I need you. Cordy! Cordy! Please…Please!" Angel lowered his head as he cried now realizing that she was never coming back to him. He cried uncontrollably for the first time in all his 250 plus years. For the fist time he actually felt fear. Fear of a life without the woman that he had grown to love and care about. He looked down at the pale body in front of him and remembered the very words she had said as a request to him.

"Please, Don't Leave Me."

How ironic that he would be here speaking those same words with the utmost meaning from his broken heart.  He had lost the one thing that made his journey toward redemption worth living for. He had lost the one thing that he had realized mattered to him more then anything the world could ever provide. He had now lost both of the most important people in his life that had showed him how to really live.    

The others stood back grieving at the lost of their friend. Buffy sobbed quietly in the arms of Spike as he gently stroked her hair as his own tears forced to surface.

Dawn and Willow cried in the arms of Wesley as he watched through moist eyes at the loss of one of his true family members.

Anya sobbed as she finally realized what it was to loose a dear friend next to Joyce.

Xander held her realizing all the things he had said and done and would never be able to atone for them because of his insecure actions. Buffy peeled from Spike's arms as she quietly walked to Angel and quietly laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could say at the moment.

"I can't believe she's really gone. She had her whole life ahead of her and she sacrificed it for others and because of my imbecility. Now she will never know how much I really love her or how much she really meant to me." Buffy proved him wrong.

"I think she does. Although she's not here I think she knows just how much you love and care about her and I also know she didn't leave us without putting up a good fight. She's a very surprising person and she left knowing that she's deeply loved and will always be remembered. And don't blame yourself because of her death but honor her by continuing to live and help others. She would have wanted you to." Angel looked up at her and she gave him her strongest smile.

Buffy, amazingly, spoke wisely beyond her years and he knew she was right. But he couldn't help but feel that Cordelia's death was his fault. If he hadn't been so self-centered she wouldn't be lying here before him like this.

Angel lightly brushed a kiss on her cool lips. The no longer soft feel that he was expecting was now hard and numb. It felt awkward, almost surreal, to feel cold on cold. Something that he had never hoped to feel with Cordelia. He had always loved to be near her because of the warmth that always radiated from her body. The feel of her skin against his cold one was perfect bliss. He took one last look at her, recovered her with the white hospital sheet and left, feeling a part of him was being left behind.

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"I didn't expect it to end up this way."

"Neither did I, but he had to learn. You knew his consequences would be great and this is the burden he must carry." The woman sighed. She didn't mean for it to end up like this but it looked like not even with the powers she possessed could neither she nor the man beside her control what had happened.

"He'll be by asking about what happened won't he?" the man knew that when their warrior had questions he always turned to them for answers.

"I imagine so but, of course, we can only inform him on what he's only to know. He will ask questions and demand measures be taken but we can only do but so much."

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Wesley drove, seeing that Angel was back to 'Mr. Dead' again, everyone back to the Hyperion. They all were worn out from the day's activity. Angel had suggested they all stay at the hotel so they could all attend Cordelia's funeral. He called Fred, Gunn, who were on vacation together, and Connor, who was away at college, and told them the news. They arrived at the hotel within next few hours. They showed their deepest sympathy and mourned for the lost of their friend and mother.

Angel had locked himself in his office and not come out since they had arrived. And that was over 5 hours ago. Fred, Gunn and Connor had introduced themselves to the Scoobies to pass the time. Dawn, now officially knowing him, went over to Connor and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Why don't you go and talk to your father, Connor?"

"He doesn't like to talk when he's in 'full brood mode' as Mom would call it. Not even she could get him out of it." Connor had gotten used to calling Cordelia his mother, her being around all the time and never really knowing any other type of mother. He liked Cordelia and wished he could have at least seen her one last time. But Angel had said she wasn't herself and that it was best that he saw her the way she truly was. He missed her a lot. Dawn brought him back from his thoughts.

"Just try and talk to him." Dawn gave him a famous Summers smile and Connor had to admit, she was a very beautiful woman. Dawn, as well, thought Connor was attractive. No wonder he was Angel's son. Talk about Hot!

Dawn shook her head of her thoughts and pushed Connor toward Angel's office. Connor looked through the window of the door and saw his father sitting hunched over in his chair staring at a picture. He slowly opened the door and quietly closed it behind him. He walked hesitantly to his desk and looked the picture he was staring at. It was a picture of him and Cordelia at the ballet they had went to together with Fred, Gunn and Wesley.

"Dad?"

Angel didn't budge.

"Dad, I know how you feel…well to a certain extent…and I miss Mom too but you can't lock yourself in this office forever."

Still no movement.

"Mom wouldn't want you to brood around like this and you know it."

Nothing.

"Fine! Stay in here! You're so stubborn! But I don't see why you just can't go to the Powers and…"

That caught Angel's attention. He shot his head up and stared at his only son.

"What?" Connor stepped back afraid of the look in his father's eyes, cold, dark and emotionless. Angel stood up and walked over to him.

"What did you say?"

"I…I said…why…don't you just…just go…to…the Powers?" Connor was scared. Although his father had taught him everything he knew and he knew that he could take out any vampire that crossed him, he still feared his father because well…it was his father!

"That's a good idea. I'll go see the Powers and maybe they can explain what the hell is going on and how to bring Cordy back. Thanks son!" Angel exited his office and left a very baffled Connor behind.

"What just happened?" he asked himself very confused. He just shrugged it off and followed his father out into the lobby. His father could be a very weird person at times and he still wondered why is Mom put up with him when she did.

Angel had explained to them what he had in mind but, of course, Fred thought other wise.

"Wait. I don't think that such a good idea…I mean can they really do that? Isn't it against their laws? When I was in Pylea…"

"Fred, baby…let it go." Gunn knew that once she talked about her times in Pylea there was no stopping her. She was like the energizer bunny on steroids.

"So…what's the plan, dog?"

"I really don't need you guys. Just stay here and pray all goes well."

"Well then, see you do need us. You need us to pray all goes well so…"

"DAWN!"

"WHAT?"

"Just shut the hell up." Buffy was really going to kill her sister.  Maybe this was good time to talk to her about her stupid remarks. Was she ever like this when she was young? Boy, did she hope not. Connor laughed, he thought it was funny.

"What are you laughing at vamp boy?"

"Nothing."

Angel proceeded to open the portal to the higher realm, with Wesley's help, and a door like image appeared right in the middle of the hotel lobby. Everyone was astonished. Believe you me they all had probably traveled to their own dimension one way or another.

Well…except for Xander, his life was pretty boring.

Angel stepped into the portal and left his friends behind in the Hyperion hotel. The Scoobies were amazed. Fred, Gunn, Wesley and Connor just prayed that everything went as planned.

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Angel entered the 'higher realm', adjusting his eyes at the lustrous lights that struck him. He blinked once or twice and focused on his surroundings. He never knew how Cordelia could stand being in a place like this for so long.

He would have probably staked himself. 

Angel stepped forward and strained his eyes as two ghostly images came into focus. They stood before him, high and mighty.

"What is your proposition warrior?" asked the woman rigorously.

"I'm here to seek your guidance."

"Why?"

"Well, you should know that. Don't you see all?"

"Watch your tongue lower being." Angel bowed his head.

"Utmost apologies."

"Accepted."

"Yes, we do see all and we do know what has happened in the last 48 hours." Said the man just as strictly. Angel lifted his head once again to meet their ghostly eyes.

"So you can tell me what's going on?"

"Yes but your heart comes with more then just questions but also demands.

"Yeah…we'll get back to that."

"You want to know why you were given back your humanity then taken away?"

"Yes."

Now it was the woman's turn to answer.

"What you experienced was a brief aspect of what your humanity was like. Furthermore, you were being tested."

"Tested…tested for what?"

"The 'Powers That Be' wanted to analysis the effects and decisions you would make if you achieved this specific goal. They wanted to know whether or not you could uphold the responsibility of being human and still be considered a warrior. They wanted to know how well you used your mind and soul and where your heart laid."

"Cordelia…"

"Yes and to our observation you failed the test. She was your seer and your mind-binding link to the Powers That Be and you cast her behind you. You were too indulged in your past to…" spoke the man yet being interrupted by Angel.

"…see my future standing before me, I know."

"You have made ungratifying decisions and have consequences to accept as an effect to those decisions."

"I understand…

"…but you want to ask a favor of us?"

" Yes…can you please give me back my seer?"

Again the woman answered his question.

"I'm sorry but that cannot be done."

"Why?!"

"Because it is not in our power to bring back the dead."

"Is there anything you can do? I love her and I'm nothing without her."

"I'm sorry but we have spoken. Nothing, not even love, can bring back what is lost."

"Is that all?" Angel nodded, accepting his consequences.

"Then begone." With one swift move of their hands, the two figures sent Angel back to his dimension.

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Everyone had been talking amongst each other when a bright light formed and out flew Angel. They crowded around him anticipating hopeful news. Wesley helped him up off the ground.

"Not one of your best landing huh?"

"I've had better." Angel rubbed his butt.

Oh yeah that'll leave a mark…well, for a while.

"So, what did they say?" asked Buffy. Angel lowered his head. He didn't want to tell them that he couldn't brig Cordelia back. He couldn't tell them that it was all a test and because of him Cordelia was dead. He couldn't tell them that he would probably never reach his shanshu permanently.

But he had to.

"It was a test."

"What?"

"It was all a test. They were testing me to see if I could make the right decisions once I reached my shanshu and apparently I didn't make them."

"So this means that you won't get your humanity back?" asked Fred.

"I will but not for a *LONG* time."

"What…what about Mom, Dad?" Angel laid a gentle on his son's shoulder.

"I'm sorry son but they wouldn't bring her back. They say they can't."

Connor lowered his head. He had always had faith that the Powers would always pull through and make things better. He had always believed that they had the power to control anything. He had always believed because his Mom was one of them that they would always protect her.

He was wrong.

"So what do we do now?"

Angel walked over to and looked at the desk that was once hers. He sat in her chair and if he closed his, he could smell her sweet scent still lingering. He opened one of the drawers and found all of the magazines she kept stored to keep her occupied when bored. He thought back to one of the incidences involving a magazine and some flirting.

~Flashback~

Angel looked over Cordelia's shoulder at the article in the Cosmopolitan magazine she was reading.

"25 different positions to explore when in bed with your partner." Cordelia jumped back frightened and slapped him on the arm by his sudden appearance.

"Don't scare me like that Angel. You want me to get wrinkles?"

"Yeah like that's likely. Your face is too beautiful." Cordelia was shocked at the sudden compliment. He never had said anything like that before. Maybe he was just flirting.

Well two can play at that game.

"Beautiful huh?"

"So…25 different positions to explore when in bed with your partner, eh? Who's the lucky partner?"

"I haven't decided yet. It could be anyone…" Cordelia got up from her chair but not before kissing him lightly on the cheek and tapping him lightly on the nose.

"Maybe even you Angel." She seductively swayed her way to the door and walked out slamming the door behind her. Angel stood there dumbfounded.

Was she really serious?

Cordelia watched Angel's expression from outside his office. She walked away smiling to herself.

Cordelia Chase still had it.

~End Of Flashback~

Angel smiled at the memory. He missed her but he knew she wouldn't want them to give up on anything just because of her. She would always have a special place in their hearts and she would be missed greatly. So, he knew what he had to do, what they all had to do.

Move on.

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Tell me what ya think. Thanks again Corinne for everything. Peaceout! ~Michele~