AN: Wow, I've always wanted to write something like this. So I did. Unfortunately, it's my first angsty fic, and my first fic from Seifers complete p.o.v. or any one elses for that matter. Don't be to harsh when you review please…
Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue
Spinning… I swear… the room is spinning… the walls are… the walls are closing in on me… and the room is still spinning. Visions… flashing… before my eyes, of what has been, what will be… NO! What MIGHT be. None of this has to happen! She's just fooling with my mind! That's it, she's just fooling with my mind… and if I just keep telling myself that, I'll wake up in the detention center at Garden… with instructor Trepe lecturing me on failing again.
Failing… I failed the test… again… and I'll probably fail again and again until they finally kick me out of Garden. NO NO NO! I can't let her get to me. It's another mind game. I wont fail, I can't fail. I am Seifer Almasy. I am the top gunblader at Garden. Second to none. Not even Puberty boy. No, not even Squall can beat me. Except… he can… and he will… again… because… because… he's better than me…
No, I have to… stop thinking… like this… It's just Ultimecia… she's just fooling with my mind… I'm not a failure… I'm not a Failure…I… I… I'm not, I'm not…. I'm not… But I am…. Aren't I? I'm… I'm just some worthless pawn in somebody's sick game… I could never be the best. I could never beat Squall… I could never become a SeeD… I can never become anybody… but Ultimecia… she promised… she promised me that… she promised me that I could be someone. I could be someone important… looked up to. That everyone would know my name… everyone would know my identity… but she lied. I'll never be anyone… and they're getting worse now… the visions…
The visions… the room… the walls… I can't stand this! Blood, everywhere… death… torture… all caused by me… by my hands… thousands upon thousands… all dead… all innocent… all had families, friends, hopes, dreams, wishes… all gone… all because of me… I have no control over myself anymore… all I can do is watch in horror as I kill and torture the helpless… I… I… can't stand it… and this damn room won't stay still!
Not even when I clench my fists so hard I cut my palms through my leather gloves… not even when the blood starts to trickle down my wrists in thin patterns that blend together… blend together to form… to form a steady flowing stream of dark, shining liquid…. Not even when I squint my eyes shut so hard my head burns with pain… all it does is remind… remind me that… that I'm alive… no matter how much I wish to be dead… no matter how much I wish to be rid of this hell… this living hell… the only relief… the one and only form of relief… is to join her… join her in the destruction… the mayhem… the bloodshed she has created… help her… help her to destroy the world… destroy my world… destroy the life… create her own world… one where Ultimecia is the supreme ruler… and all else who live… live solely to do her bidding…
And I have to join her… I can't stand this anymore… my will grows weaker… and I'm not sure if I'm completely awake… anymore… I can feel it… I'm reeling between consciousness and reality… I'm on the verge… the verge of not being… not being in control… at all… and the room… it's spinning faster now… the walls… they're still coming towards me… but I should have been dead by now… it feels like the room is getting smaller yet… but it couldn't get smaller… and I… I… can't… stand…this… must… give… in… must… surrender… I'm… I'm to weak…
AN: well, thar u go folks. Look at all the ….s. heh. Kinda reminds me of Squall…. Anyways. Review, I say, review. Or else I shall release the wrath of the fanfic pixies BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA O_O; heh heh… er…. heh