Chapter 12
Warren promptly fainted again, Ororo paled and Emma went deeply red.
Dark Beast meanwhile had wandered over to Logan and was running his claws through one of the luxuriant sideburns.
"Hmm fascinating, I wonder what evolutionary purpose these serve. I'd love to run an experiment," murmured Dark Beast.
"Would ya kindly remove yer furry mitts offa my whiskers!" roared Logan. Ororo put an arm around Logan and glared at Dark Beast who got the message and refrained from any further examination of Logan's facial hair.
"Uh Bobby, you know that this is Dark Beast, a sworn enemy of ours?" Scott tilted a brow.
"Yeah I know but he promised not to hurt any of the X-Men even if he does conquer the world."
Shrugging his massive shoulders Dark Beast added:
"'Sides with the state the world's in today, who would want it anyway except a spandex-clad madman and I don't wear spandex."
Turning to the others Scott asked:
"So if err Darky here promises not to harm us, is everyone alright with that relationship?"
Logan sneered.
"C'mon bub, we just saw Chuck and Sinister in drag, nothing could be worse than that."
As if on cue, Kurt bamfed in not quite sober but terribly scared.
"Meine Freunde, I'm afraid we've got a huge problem," he stuttered as he grew a pair of fiery wings.
"Whoa! Nice flaps Kurt, where did you get them?" asked Jubilee dropping Warren's head to the floor.
"Well I'm not sure but somehow the Phoenix landed inside me," Nightcrawler gasped, "and to make matters worse, I saw a large red hairy creature outside the mansion!"
Dark Beast gave a fang filled grin:
"Hey my serum's already working," he turned to Hank and asked
"What do you think my good twin; shall we go and capture the rampaging being once known as Jean Grey for extensive study and investigation?"
Hanks face if at all possible brightened.
"Tests?"
"A thousandfold!" With that the two scientists ran off to hunt down the red menace.
"Phoenix, why have you chosen me as your host?" asked Kurt.
"I feel the emotion that you would call love for you Kurt. I will be with you always," said the Phoenix in a warm loving tone.
Meanwhile Sinister and Xavier were still totally drunk but no longer in drag. Xavier was dressed up as Father Christmas and was singing "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt". Sinister meanwhile was dressed up as Napoleon and was singing "Here With Me" by Dido. The blonde wig from Sinister's earlier costume was now adorning Xavier's hairless pate.
"Oh my stars and garters. Its Trish Tilby with a news crew. They must have come about the mutant Jean," sighed Hank.
"Hank, I'm so glad to see you. Listen I know we broke up but I'd like for us to get back together again," said Trish. Emma glared at the news reporter.
"I'm sorry Trish but I've found someone else and we're getting married," said Hank as he put his arm around Emma.
Then Trish caught sight of Dark Beast.
"Who's that Hank? He looks a lot like you," said Trish.
"He's my….. long lost twin," said Hank hesitantly.
"Do you want to go out with me handsome?" asked Trish hopefully.
"You are a most beautiful creature and you would make a wonderful test subject. Sadly my heart belongs to another," said Dark Beast as he hugged Bobby close to his chest.
"Well in that case," said Trish. She looked around for the nearest handsome male. Bishop had been watching suspiciously and was startled when Trish ran up to him, hugged him enthusiastically and started kissing him fiercely.
"You handsome have just got yourself a girlfriend," said Trish.
In the kitchen Victor, Remy, Logan, Warren and Scott were celebrating when the doorbell rang. Opening the door they saw over a dozen young women who were obviously of a certain profession. Some were in leather or spandex, some were dressed as nurses or nuns and one was a bunny girl.
"Can we help you?" asked Scott nervously.
"We're here for a Doctor Essex and a Professor Xavier," said one woman batting mascara clad eyelashes.
"Forget those old fogies. Get a load of these gorgeous studs. Get them sisters!" yelled the bunny girl.
The women rushed through the door and swiftly overpowered the five handsome male mutants. They were wrestled to the floor and barely had time to call for help. Would the X-Women arrive in time to save them from certain doom?
Chapter 13
Remy was trying desperately to sneak away from two nuns and a nurse without losing his pants. Having wings Warren catapulted himself into the air banging his head on the ceiling and falling to the floor where two pairs of arms grabbed him. Meanwhile the bunny girl was opening Logan's shirt while a nurse and a leather-clad floozy sat on his arms pinning him. Victor was having a hard time not giving into his feral side and taking advantage and Scott was too paralyzed to act.
Jubilee entered at that moment to get some drinks for her and the other brides-to-be and nearly collapsed at the sight. Calling for Storm and Rogue she rushed to the bunny girl grabbed her ears and kicked her in the rear, sending the woman flying over Logan's head to crash heavily onto the table.
The wrestling stopped instantly.
Storm and Rogue charged in, took one look and used their collective powers to hustle the hookers into Xavier's bedroom. Thusly trapped the girls started trying on the professor's shirts and pants to kill time until his arrival.
Sadly enough, neither Charles nor Nathaniel were in any fit state to get out let alone make it to bed on their own. The mansions wine cellar had washed away the last comprehensive thought and now both were lying on the floor clutching a bottle of vodka each and giving a nice image of a Roman orgy.
In the hall the men tried to explain to their future wives what had really happened but they weren't believed until Rogue took Gambit's memories and confirmed what had happened.
Suddenly a shout was heard as Bishop ran past them with Trish Tilby and camera crew hot on his heels.
"Ladies and gentlemen in tonight's news special, Trish Tilby's new boyfriend and his favorite underwear. Stay tuned for the hunt," she commented.
"Help me, she wants to do an interview about my boxers," screamed Bishop before escaping out of the front door. All looked at each other and then to Scott. Sadly he shook his head.
"Sorry guys but we surpassed our rescue budget. No more saving lives until next Tuesday."
"That's fine by us," said Hank who had returned with Dark Beast from the Jean hunt. "Then at least we have time to examine this altered hominoid female."
Holding her up at the arms they showed a creature that had red and grey hairs, fangs, polished claws and lipstick.
She looked a little like Jean, a little like the two Beasts, a little like Sasquatch, and a whole lot like-
"Cripes, the Wendigo's little sister," barked Logan.
Hank nodded.
"Correct, the professor knew for a long time that the original wendigo was one of Jean's ancestors. That's why he brought her here so he could find a cure. It only worked on the Grey family line but now we can study her for as long as we like," grinning toothily at his twin the scientist dragged Jean off to his lab to start the tests. With a last longing look at Logan Dark Beast followed.
"Think he'll make it to our wedding?" Emma asked not used to being ignored. Rogue shrugged her shoulders.
"Not if it's this year sugah," she replied.
"You'll be lucky if he makes it to my baby shower in December," Jubilee sighed, then blushed eight shades of red while everyone stared at her.
"Oops did I think out loud again?"
"I estimate we have another three hours until the test results are ready. Stars and garters, what have you done to yourself?" gasped Hank.
"Well I just thought that if I'm becoming an X-Man people might get us confused so I've gone back to my original form," said Dark Beast pleased with the results of the genetic reversal. He set off to find Bobby.
"Shinniss…..Esshheessh..Nate, yer nn-oww what?" slurred Xavier.
"Yesh, Chuck?" replied Sinister.
"Yer my only friend," said Xavier.
"Dark Beast you look different. In fact you look great," said Bobby as he stroked the spiky gray fur on Dark Beast's shoulders.
"I'm so glad you like it. Now shall we go to the boathouse and have some fun together?" asked Dark Beast.
"Of course," said Bobby.
There came a knock at the main door which sent a chill through everyone's heart as they remembered only too well who the previous visitors had been. Bravely Victor Creed went and opened the door. Toad hopped through the door and into Victor's arms hugging the feral tightly round the chest, his tongue licking one of Creed's sideburns.
"Sabes, darling, it's so good to see you again," crooned Toad.
"Likewise Mort," said Creed.
"What are ya and frog-boy doing together Creed?" growled Logan.
"Actually Mort, Victor and I are a threesome just like you, Ororo and Jubilee," said Mystique.
There was a thud as Warren promptly fainted again.
"Shall I give him mouth to mouth resuscitation?" asked an eager Mort who then wondered why the room had emptied so rapidly.
"Well looks like I lost her at last," sighed Bishop with relief as he entered his darkened room. Kicking off his boots he went over to have a lie down on his bed, exhausted by his ordeal. Then he felt a slender hand stroking his beard.
"Mmm fuzzy yet firm," murmured Trish as she switched on the light.
"Aw sh*t," groaned Bishop.
"Quiet tiger," said Trish as she kissed him.
"We've managed to unpick the lock," reported a nun who happened to be handy with a hairpin.
"Good now to get out of here and follow my original plan. We find the cutest X-Men, overpower them and tie them up. Then while they're helpless we snog them senseless," said the bunny girl.
"Good plan Mastermind!" chorused the call girls.
The bunny girl laughed pleasantly and dropped her illusion to reveal the beautiful if evil Martinique Jason. The telepathic illusionist was looking forward to having her wicked way with Logan in particular.
Never let it be said that Martinique didn't have excellent taste.