Chapter 14
Logan had just been going to fetch himself a beer when something large, gray and furry landed on his chest knocking him to the ground. Logan stared up into a face even hairier than his own and struggled to breathe beneath Dark Beast's considerable bulk. Yellow eyes blinked at him mildly and then McCoy's claws yanked out a chunk of hair from his sideburn.
"Now I shall be able to experiment to my hearts content Logan. Thanks for advancing the course of my scientific endeavors," said Dark Beast before leaping away with his prize.
"I'm going ta rip yer freaking head off fer this ya mangy fuzz-ball," roared Logan.
Back in the basement Xavier and Essex, had sobered up enough that they could make it to the elevator taking them up to the Professors bedroom. There they found clothes scattered around all over the place obviously having been tried on. Charles simply shrugged his shoulders and allowed himself to be hefted onto his large bed, where both passed out and snored peacefully blissfully unaware of the madness taking place all around them. Sinister was also unaware of exactly where he had placed his hand on Charles.
Martinique led her new tribe through the entire mansion in the search for handsome male inhabitants. Unluckily all of them had retired to the company of their respective women/men(even Logan and Dark Beast), so the only available guy was Warren who rested on a couch in the rec room still deeply traumatized after his close encounter with the Toad. All of a sudden a bunch of beautiful sexily-clad women stormed in and took the poor millionaire hostage, leaving no trace of him except a few lonely feathers on the floor.
"I can see you! Don't try and hide from me tall dark and handsome," Trish Tilby chirped while looking at Bishop who was hiding safely underneath his bed.
"Why does this always happen to me? All I wanted was to tell Warren my true feelings for him and now this crazy news-chick is chasing me through the mansion. Life's so not fair!" wailed Bishop desperate enough to choose the first idea that popped into his head.
"Um Miss Trilby, ma'am did you know that there is a new Beast in the lab? I'm sure the viewers would prefer to see our newest addition to genetic research rather than my underwear or lack thereof."
Trish's eyes went wide.
"A new Beast? In the basement!" she dashed out of the room calling for her news crew as she went.
"Just wait till you see who it is," snickered Bishop as he shoved his boots back on and went off in search of his Angel.
Dark Beast had made good his escape from the maddened Logan( he was so cute when he was angry) and was reunited with his cryogenic paramour.
"Hey D.B lets not to go the boathouse because that's where Jean used to go," said Bobby.
"You're right Bobby. Let's go to Xavier's room and his big bouncy bed!" said Dark Beast eagerly.
They went into the bedroom and were so engrossed with gazing lovingly into each others eyes that they never noticed Xavier and Sinister asleep on the bed. Dark Beast cradled Bobby gently in his arms and bounced right onto Sinister. They then began to kiss in front of a horrified Xavier who had just woken up and sincerely wished he hadn't!
"Oh hello may I join in?" asked Sinister innocently.
"Come back here and show me what you can do with that tongue!" called a distracted Trish.
"Sabretooth help me!" cried a terrified Mort mistaking her curiosity for lust.
"Now we have the Angel and this handsome hunk of a man called Bishop. Well done girls. Next we go for the Wolverine," purred Martinique.
The Jean Beast's eyes flicked open and she saw that she was alone in the room. She burst her bonds and set off to fulfill her primary mission, mating with Hank.
"Jean Grey stop right there. It's time for a final showdown between telepaths. Prepare to meet your doom!" called Emma Frost as she stepped into the room.
"Yes Wolvie I will get a pair of tweezers and pull Dark Beast's fur out hair by hair for desecrating your sideburns."
Jubilee sighed resting Logan's head on her lap and gently scratching his scalp and the rather ragged left mutton-chop. A satisfied purr escaped the feral's chest now that she had sympathized him and proven that she had forgiven him the "kitchen incident".
Suddenly the door burst open and in stepped Martinique and a group of her call-girls. Pointing at the somnolent Wolverine she yelled:
"Grab him girls!"
With a wild war cry the women attacked the bed. Unfortunately for them Jubilee was not the type to give up on her love so huge amounts of hot plasma burnt away hair and costumes.
As quickly as they had come the group retreating leaving Martinique all by herself facing a wakening Logan and a maddened Jubilee.
"Oh s***!"
Mort raced through the hall and tripped over Bishop and Warren who had just regained consciousness.
"Guy's you gotta help me," he whimpered as he undid their restraints.
"Why should we do that froggy?" Angel slurred rubbing his head and Toad just stared at him.
"You're supposed to be heroes remember. You aren't going to let that mad reporter get me are you?"
Bishop rolled his eyes and groaned. He had suffered that fate and didn't wish it on anyone even Mort. He was just about to reply when said woman and crew appeared around the corner.
"Alright there's our story and I can already see the headline. "Guns, tongues and wings or three buns of steel in a-"
Thunderous sounds approached and Bishop pulled Warren and Mort to safety while Trish turned to see her crew being stampeded by a horde of naked women. The three mutants used this distraction to make good their escape.
"I don't care how much power it takes, this time you're going down!" screamed the White Queen mentally pummeling her arch-rivals mind. The red menace tried to fight back but years of using her powers for controlling Scott, Logan and other men's minds had left her combat technique a little rusty and she wasn't as good at psychic catfights like Emma.
In desperation she tried her usual flashy combat poses forgetting her new body and she tripped over her own foot and fell to the ground. Then Emma used her ultimate weapon, showing Jean just how she looked with her new appearance. Screaming the telepath tried to erase the image from her mind and instead erased her own powers completely. Then she collapsed and Emma locked her back in the cage. Emma smiled as she headed for the door because she had captured Jean's powers and held them in her own mind.
"They will be a lovely gift for Jubilee," said Emma as she went off to find Hank.
Jubilee meanwhile was using Marti as a football and with the aid of a paf shot her out of the door and over the railing to crash onto her posterior. Whining she decided to go off and plot her revenge on the pair.
"My hopes of a story are ruined now! Why do I ever bother," wailed Trish but then a furry hand tapped her on the shoulder.
"Do not worry dear lady for I have the answer to your problems. I believe you should get a most excellent story with this footage," said Dark Beast with a charming smile.
With that he handed her the tapes that he had stolen from the mansion's security cameras. Smiling Trish departed the mansion having got a story at last.
Chapter 15
"Well I think that's the last we've seen of her Wolvie," sighed Jubilee.
"Yeah darlin, now we just need ta trash McCoy," growled Logan.
Unfortunately they had spoken too soon because Marti was plotting revenge even as they spoke.
"That was a work of genius Hank," said Bobby as he ruffled Dark Beast's fur.
A clawed finger caressed Bobby's chin and Dark Beast showed his fangs before replying.
"Well you must admit that Xavier and Essex's activities are particularly scandalous and Remy' Scott's and Logan's activities are so easily misinterpreted. As for the prostitutes, Mystique and Creed's little romp, the Toad tongue scene and what Rogue was doing with her inflatable Gambit doll, speaks for itself my dear. Time for fun now and I suggest a friendly game of scrabble with a three hundred point lead for you since I'm feeling generous. Loser becomes the winner's slave for the night!"
"I'm game if you are," said Bobby with a saucy wink.
"Oh Wolvie," sighed Jubilee stroking his sideburns.
"Oh Jubes," sighed Logan kissing her full on the lips with just a bit of tongue.
The two were just preparing for a night of hot passion when Martinique set her revenge in motion. She waited until they were "fully engaged" and then sent a telepathic illusion into the lovers minds making Logan think he was in bed with Creed and Jubilee that she was in bed with Jean!
The fact that Logan was a micro-second faster than Jubilee was the only thing that saved him from being roast with hot plasmoids. He leapt of the bed staring open mouthed at his friend turned arch enemy now turned comrade again. Jubilee meanwhile screamed her head off seeing an apparently naked Jean with her arms spread wide in invitation. Clasping her hand over her mouth she ran to the window, opened it wide and vomited tremendously right onto Mastermind's head.
"Yeughh!" screeched Marti as the distraction caused her to lose concentration as she desperately tried to wipe herself off. Jubilee saw her and quickly worked out just what had happened.
"Right no mercy this time. I'm going to get really nasty," snarled Jubilee. She grabbed the still confused Logan by the arm and dragged him off to the infirmary.
"I won I can't believe I really won," cheered Bobby jumping around like mad while Dark Beast smiled approvingly.
"Well what does my hypothermic master wish for?" he asked causing the bouncing Bobby to stop cavorting.
"You know I haven't really thought of that," said Bobby thoughtfully.
"There you are Dark Beast. Help me get rid of Mastermind and you'll redeem yourself over the sideburn incident," said Jubilee as she stormed in with Logan in tow.
Bobby and Dark Beast turned to them with the former blushing crimson while the latter's eyes went as large as saucers.
"Whoa," gasped Bobby.
"Mmm," whispered Dark Beast.
Jubilee followed his adoring gaze only to find it on a very naked and very embarrassed Wolverine.
"Oh s*** I knew I forgot something," she whispered blocking their view with her body.
"So how about that help or do I have to ask your brother. Remember I have waxing strips and I'm not afraid to use them."
Dark Beast blinked a few times before muttering "No of course not, I'll be glad to help. What do you have in mind for her?"
Jubilee's smile was frightening enough to make Bobby jump into Dark Beast's lap.
"Set Jean on her!"
Jubilee then left with the still bewildered Logan in tow. Bobby sighed and then buried his face in Dark Beast's furry chest. After several minutes of snuggling he emerged.
"You know DB I've just realized that now I've seen Logan naked I'm seeing him in a whole different way than before. Do you think we could perhaps get him to join us in a threesome or something, because I just fancy some Wolverine right now? I bet he really is an animal, just like you," mumbled a somewhat delirious Bobby.
"An excellent idea my lord," said Dark Beast with a wicked grin.
Meanwhile Martinique Jason had decided on a fiendish new plan. Since she hadn't had much success with X-Men she would try and seduce the X-Women namely Ororo, Emma, Raven and Jubilee. Now she was disguised as the cuddly blue scientist and her illusion was so perfect that it worked on Jean. Still possessing her telekinesis she grabbed Mastermind who was taken away to a ghastly fate.
"You look magnificent in that kinky leather costume Victor," whispered Mortimer as his long tongue licked the little hairs on Creed's forearm making it hard for the feral not to chuckle.
"I can see what attracted you to him in the first place Mystique," said Ororo whose hand was currently resting on Victor's chest.
"Hey ya gonna make me blush," said Creed.
"Enough talk and into bed with me the lot of you," said Mystique petulantly.
Since Jubilee and Logan were busy that night Ororo had asked if she could join Mystique, Sabretooth and Toad for the night and surprisingly they had agreed.
"This is Trish Tilby reporting from outside Charles Xavier's bedroom window. You have got to see this to believe it," stated the intrepid reporter.
Professor X was in his hover chair which was bobbing about the room in a sort of clumsy dance and he was dressed as Barney.
"I love you, you love me," sang the Professor.
Chapter 16
"I'm just totally exhausted now," sighed Bishop. He gazed bleary eyed at the tall blonde in the pink blouse, miniskirt and high heels.
"Hello big boy," chirped Sinister in a falsetto squeak.
"Oh my god," shrieked Bishop before fainting dead away.
Huddled on the large guest bed Ororo counted the cracks in the ceiling. The fun had lasted for precisely twelve minutes and now Creed, Raven and Mort were heaped around her snoring like bears.
"Well screw this for a game of soldiers, why did I ever leave my couple? Maybe they will forgive me if I go back now," with that thought Storm left in search of her lovely mates.
Staggering towards the mansion was the battered, bruised and torn but extremely vengeful form of Mastermind. The red menace had not been very pleased at being deceived and even Apocalypse would have had nightmares about the things Jean Grey had done. Martinique didn't care who was on the receiving end of her wrath.
Meanwhile Jubilee and Logan had resettled and were discussing wedding plans and which furniture to remove to the boathouse when Storm flew in and dropped to her knees in front of them.
"Oh please forgive me my loves for sleeping with Creed and his friends. I am a low creature unworthy of being crushed by your foot but unworthy as I am punish me any way you want but do not send me away I beg you."
Sobbing Ororo collapsed to the floor and Logan and Jubilee swept her up and soon forgave her.
A huge shadow entered the bathroom and gloved hands opened Logan's aftershave pouring a pink liquid into Logan's "Harley-Davidson Classic."
Sinister stared at Bishop and hefted the unconscious soldier over his shoulder. He took him to Warren's room where Angel was tied naked to the bed. Nathaniel draped Bishop across him in a suggestive manner putting them in a tight embrace.
"That will be so funny when they wake up," said Sinister adding a rubber truncheon as an afterthought.
Then he went off in search of Charles and more weird love games.
Martinique's curiosity drew her when she heard calls of disbelief. She joined Trish in the tree the reporter was sitting in and they peered through the window together unable to believe their eyes. It was Creed's room and the feral had woken up and was engaged in morally dubious acts with Mystique. Disturbingly the shape-shifter first changed form to Dark Beast which led to some intense wrestling and then to Logan where they became tender and loving. Even more disquieting was the discovery of just what Mort could use that tongue for.
In the Danger Room Dark Beast was getting ready for action. He was wearing a tuxedo and his long shaggy hair and sideburns were well trimmed so he could emulate his movie hero James Bond. Facing him were robotic duplicates of Bond villains, numerous deathtraps and Bobby in a fetching black dress who was waiting at the top of a tower.
"Save me Dark Beast," called Bobby.
"The names McCoy, Hank McCoy and serve me a vodka martini, shaken not stirred," growled the fuzzy gray hunk.
"Oh Sinister you kinky devil come over here, Charlie needs love," called Xavier seductively from underneath the bedsheets.
"Coming Pookie," purred Sinister as he slipped into a frilly pink nightgown.
The two then got into bed together and their X-rated activities were eagerly filmed by Trish Tilby.
The next morning began with some alarming discoveries.
"Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, I just want to die," howled Bishop. Warren could not reply as he had gone into a catatonic state. Bishop flung on shirt and jeans and rushed barefoot to the infirmary with the angelic mutant cradled in his arms.
Meanwhile Logan had just finished putting on his aftershave little realizing that Storm had also put some on after mistaking it for her shampoo.
Hank whistled innocently as he switched on the television to catch the morning news little realizing that he was about to see the results of his brothers twisted scheming. A news special was on presented by Trish Tilby and revealing the secret love life of the X-Men.