Chapter 21
Jubilee lay under a heap of fighting women and she was seriously hacked off. Wrestling Emma's heel of her shoulder she fired off a large paf that sent the other brawlers flying all over the place.
"Okay I'm getting sick and tired of this so Mort is going to think of a number between one and a hundred and the one who guesses closest gets married first."
The others nodded and made their guesses and finally Mort announced that the number was fifty five.
"Ah won, ah won! I can't believe it, ahm first tah go Remy. Isn't that wonderful sugah," cheered Rogue as she hugged her future husband and nearly cracked six of his ribs.
The Acolytes plane was heading for New Jersey where they would hide until the day of the attacks. Delgado was seated behind Magneto and he kept sighing sorrowfully and Chrome sat next to him, concerned for his comrade.
"So have you told him yet?" asked Chrome.
"No, I mean he might be angry and not let me work for him any more. It's better like this," said Delgado shaking his head.
Voght rolled her eyes as she listened to the conversation. Delgado had always had a crush on Magneto from the beginning but he had never acted on his feelings. Maybe she could help him find the courage to tell Magneto and make him see that Xavier had been a mistake as that frumpy dyed haired floozy certainly was.
Ororo had finished stroking Creed's sideburns and was now kissing him passionately. Instantly she stopped and broke the embrace gasping, "You're not Logan since he would never be such a lousy kisser. Only you could have such bad breath Creed!"
Victor flushed crimson and flung his head in shame. He had so hoped he could get a pet for Raven when she was in her lesbian phase.
A grinning Logan then made his entrance, arms spread wide and growling seductively, "Come here darlin." Storm happily rushed to him and began smothering him with kisses while Creed sighed and thought longingly of Dark Beast.
Apocalypse waited for the pizza delivery service while washing his best lacey silk panties in the kitchen sink. Sighing he reflected on how washing machines always chose the most inopportune times to stop working. If he wanted to enchant his enthralling beauty everything had to be perfect including the black thong and his bra.
"Excuse me great big handsome, hairy and muscular feral but where may my illustrious master find the noble beast-man known as Logan?" asked Exodus politely.
"In there with Ororo who I love so much," sighed Victor.
"Oh poor heart, let me comfort you," said Exodus. He hugged Creed tightly and the feral grinned having found a pet for Mystique after all.
"Exodus has located Logan oh master but has unfortunately become distracted," said Cortez.
"No matters, Melloncamp, Cortez, and Jean Grey accompany me as I attend to this matter personally," said Magneto.
"Anything you say my darling," purred Jean Grey seductively.
"Tramp," muttered Voght under her breath.
Logan growled fiercely as he caught the scent of Jean Grey just before magnetic force ripped the door of its hinges.
"By the goddess, what's happening?" gasped Ororo. Jean Grey smiled coldly and sent the thought of being buried under tons of rocks to Ororo. The claustrophobic woman could do nothing but scream in horror.
"Well done Jean. Now go and fetch a couple of negligees, a rubber truncheon, inflatable Spider-man doll, manacles, Wellingtons and a stuffed wallaby oh and an ostrich feather duster too. Cortez you're with me," ordered Magneto.
"I'm gonna rip ya ta shreds Eric. Prepare ta die," snarled Logan.
"Oh I'm so scared. Remember when I pulled the adamantium right out of you and nearly killed you," sneered Magneto.
"Oh yeah well remember when I popped my claws through yer chest and nearly killed you," growled Logan.
Unfortunately Cortez got behind him and used his powers to boost Logan's senses to the point of agony. He stuck a clove of garlic in front of Logan's nose while Melloncamp scraped his claws down a piece of slate. Logan collapsed in agony and Magneto began stroking the feral's hair.
"What lovely shaggy sable bangs. Now Jean use your telepathic mind control to keep him placid while I use my magnetic control to literally operate him like a puppet due to his adamantium laced skeleton. He will be my love slave and we shall play weird games of our own. We'll use the camcorder to record it all and send it off to Xavier. Then he will be jealous and realize he wants me back," said Magneto outlining his plan.
Unfortunately for Magnus, Jubilee, Remy, Bobby, McCoy, Emma and Hank were just outside the door and had overheard Magneto's little speech.
"Let's teach the old bastard a lesson he'll never forget," snarled Jubilee.
"Yes my dear and I have an evil little plan that will do very nicely," said Dark Beast.
Emma removed a little pulsating orb from her cleavage and handed it to Jubilee. "Here this was to be your wedding present Jubilee but I think you can put it to better use now. It's Jean Grey's telepathic powers." Jubilee picked up the tiny ball and swallowed it whole.
"No wonder Logan choose her as deir lady for him," Remy muttered under his breath before screaming for mercy as he felt a telekinetic grip clamping around a most delicate portion of his anatomy.
"Cool, it works! How come though the Red Menace was able to put the mojo on Storm?" asked Jubilee as Emma smiled evilly.
"I made her believe that she still had her powers. I actually sent the images to Storm with a message telling her to play along with it as it was only an illusion."
"Is she not the most perfect woman in the world," said Hank rhetorically in whispered admiration.
"Maybe she is but we've still got to save Logan and kick Magneto's butt. Any ideas oh fuzzy gray one?"
"Fortunately my idea is so brilliantly simple that even morons like you can comprehend it. Cause all the Acolytes to develop irresistible libido towards their messiah then cause irreparable damage to his operations," replied Dark Beast.
"You mean make them fall for Magneto and then blow his base to kingdom come," said Bobby.
"Precisely my cryogenic paramour,"
Meanwhile Logan woke up on the plane, tied up along with Warren, Bishop, Creed and Toad who were all dressed as princesses. Looking down at himself he found he was wearing merely a lilac bra and an emerald fishtail around his legs and a coral shell necklace around his neck.
"There ain't no way I'm going ta be Eric's little mermaid." Logan growled before deciding to feign unconsciousness and eavesdrop.
"Look you really should tell him Delgado. How can you let your only love get treated like that? He's being chased by that, that whore and you're just sitting here, doing nothing," fumed Voght.
"I can't though, I'm just too shy," howled the Acolyte bursting into tears.
"Well maybe I can do something to help," mused Logan.
Just then the plane was brought to a halt as it was caught in a powerful force-field. The door opened and Apocalypse stepped inside.
"I am here to claim my bride. Now stand aside or I shall undress myself in front of you."
Of course everyone screamed in horror and disgust and went to hide in a corner while Apocalypse turned to Jean.
"Now my lovely mate will you marry me?"
Chapter 22
"I'd rather screw a dead dog than be your bride you ****ing ****bag," said Jean Grey cruelly.
Apocalypse promptly burst into tears when Cable suddenly arrived having traveled back from the future once again.
"Apocalypse I have something I need to tell you. Wait why are you crying?" asked Cable.
"Jean Grey rejected me. I just want to die," sobbed Apocalypse.
"Don't cry any more because I'm here for you now and forever. Apocalypse I love you,"
"You do? You know I've always had this thing for you as well. Shall we get married?"
"Yes we shall my darling."
The happy couple kissed and then teleported away together.
The Acolytes were stunned by this and Delgado finally got up his courage and told Magneto his true feelings for him.
"Yes you may be my lover as long as you don't mind sharing me with Exodus and Cortez and occasionally Spoor and Melloncamp," said Magneto graciously.
Meanwhile Jean Grey faced a furious and very angry Logan now wearing his usual battle uniform. She tried and failed to summon up her telekinesis and was horror stricken.
"Oh s***, of all the times," she moaned.
"Prepare ta die ya tawdry trollop," snarled Logan impaling her through the gut with his claws. With a scream the stricken witch stumbled back and out of the open door plummeting towards the ground so far below.
"How dare you slay the lovely Jean Grey you nasty little man, you shall perish for this," hissed Exodus.
Then there was a familiar bamf and the smell of sulfur and brimstone. Standing before Magneto and the Acolytes were Emma, Kurt, Hank, Bobby, Raven, Remy, Rogue, Scott, Ororo and the apparent leader McCoy.
"Hello Acolytes and welcome to these final moments for I am Dark Beast and these are my Uncanny X-Men."
"Who said he could be the leader?" asked Raven.
"I did after he threatened to set up a web cam in the ladies showers and put the footage on the Internet," explained Hank.
"You know Apocalypse we could really do with someone around here to clean up and do all the chores," said Cable.
"I have just the person in mind," said Apocalypse.
Jean was about to hit the ground at terminal velocity when she was snatched through a portal and teleported to Cable and Apocalypse's palace where she would spend the rest of her miserable life as their slave.
Exodus was watching this from the plane even as the inevitable full out battle to the death was occurring all around him.
"Poor Jean Grey how I wish I could have taken your place," sighed the knight miserably.
That's when Jubilee blew her fuse and kicked him off the plane.
"Go ask Cable and maybe you'll get to marry her,"
Luckily the portal was still open and he also ended up in Apocalypse's bedroom where he joined him and Cable in a threesome and enjoyed some interesting bondage games.
Back on the plane Storm had Voght in a vice grip, Melloncamp was wrestling with Hank, Bobby was stroking Spoors fur thinking he was McCoy when Chrome suddenly called out, "Wait why do we need to fight? I mean Magneto only wanted to get Xavier back but he's happy with Delgado and the rest of us more or less have what we want. So why are we beating each other senseless as usual?"
"Debts bub, where the heck do ya think we get the money fer all the equipment like the shirts I keep getting ripped? We're testing the next generation of spandex fer the flaming WWE," growled Logan while beating Cortez to a pulp while the latter was pulling Logan's sideburns to try and subdue him.
"Well I just wanted to be sure we had a good reason for tearing each other apart," sighed Chrome as Sabretooth continued to use him as a chew toy.
Dark Beast was lurking away from the main action recording it all on his camcorder to play back later. He got a kick out of watching men in spandex wrestling about with each other. He was keeping an eye out for ripped clothes hoping for a glimpse of naked flesh and wishing he was Spoor who Bobby was now kissing passionately. Then a red gloved hand tapped him on his furry shoulder.
"So vile creature you are the one who exposed my darling Xavier's shameful secrets to the entire world and destroyed any chance of a renewed relationship between us. I expect it was your fault that he cheated on me in the first place," snapped Magneto bitterly.
"Wrong old man and Sinister was far from the first. How did you think I ever managed to infiltrate the X-Men incognito without the most powerful telepath on Earth knowing? The answer is he did but I managed to seduce him into letting me stay. He said I was far better in bed than you ever were," said Dark Beast sneeringly.
"You sick furry bastard. I'll have you skinned and made into a rug," snarled Magneto preparing to use his magnetic power to kill McCoy in a variety of imaginative ways.
With preternatural agility Dark Beast leapt out of range and grabbed hold of Logan shoving him towards Magneto while knocking out Cortez with a fist to the jaw. Fortunately for McCoy Jubilee and Ororo were too busy beating up the Kleinstock Brothers and Melloncamp to notice. Magneto's magnetic blast instead attracted the adamantium in Wolverine's bones and pulled him towards Magneto colliding with him with devastating force. Magneto slumped to the floor dazed and bruised. The Acolytes turned to see Wolverine with his claws at their master's throat and decided to call a truce.
In the end the Acolytes surrendered and flew the X-Men back to the mansion where the weddings of Magneto, Delgado, Cortez, Spoor and Melloncamp were added to the big day ahead. Alas for Spoor he decided that a relationship with Bobby just wasn't to be.
"That was very sneaky my dear brother but a commendable victory nonetheless," said Hank to Dark Beast.
"I try my best and don't look now but Exodus is here," replied McCoy.
"I've escaped and decided to renounce evil and join the X-Men. I was rescued by this lovely lady and I wish to marry her," explained Exodus.
Martinique had eagerly accepted now that she had finally decided to be a good girl. One more wedding was thus added to the list. As for Spoor he had asked Trish Tilby to marry him claiming he was the nearest thing to an unclaimed Beast and she had accepted him making him a very happy fur-ball.
Everyone decided to have an early night but nobody was expecting to get much sleep since they were all too excited about the big day ahead. Some rather dubious activities were helping to occupy the time until the wedding and the supply of rubber truncheons had long since run out.