Careless Whisper

By Veggie's Girl

"I feel so unsure,

As I take your hand

and lead you to the dance floor.

As the music dies,

Something in your eyes,

Calls to mind a silver-screen,

And all it's sad good-byes…"

My God… I thought. Is this what it's coming to? I'm losing everything I cherish so much, and it's all my fault… I couldn't believe it. I was going to do it again. Sitting here, in front of Bulma… looking in her eyes so full of hope, yet so afraid. She knew what was going to happen. I felt her entire being well up with fear the moment I told her we needed to talk. She sat down slowly, a faint glimmer of hope still shining in the corners of her eyes, not yet completely glazed over with tears.

"Bulma… I…" I felt a lump growing in my throat. My voice was becoming hoarse… I could barely choke out the words I knew would kill Bulma… not physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually. She began lowering her eyes, slowly. She blinked and a solitary tear dropped and splattered over her skirt.

"Here, I'll get it…" I said, doing anything to stall. I couldn't tell her. I wasn't ready. But I had to. There was no other choice. I started wiping away that single tear, filled with all the sadness, anger and fear I had caused Bulma over all those years. I wiped the salty water on my own pants and looked back up at her. She hadn't looked up yet, and strangely, I found that not looking into her eyes made  it all so much easier. I looked over her shoulder, inspecting the surrounding and trying to put together a sentence that would make the truth seem less painful than it was. But who was I kidding? No matter how I said it…

"I have to leave. It won't be bad. You'll get over it." I stated it plainly, with no emotions in my voice. At that moment, I swear I could hear her heart braking. Every nook and cranny in my body was overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt so strong I thought I would burst.

"I'm never gonna dance again,

guilty feet have got no rhythm,

thought it's easy to pretend,

I know you're not a fool,

Should've known better

 than to cheat a friend,

and waste the chance that I'd been given,

so I'm never gonna dance again,

the way I danced with you…"

 Her head jerked up and she looked straight in my eyes. The tears in her own began welling up at an astonishing rate.

"Ve-Vegeta. I-I… what about Trunks? I know he's a teen, but he needs a father… I can c-… cope, but what about your son? Our son?" Her voice was becoming more and more hysterical by the moment. "You promised you'd stay… take care of us… love me the way I love you… you promised."

"That's not true," I stated. Well, it wasn't. When she had asked me if I'd stay and love her, I just grunted. I never said "no"… but I didn't say "yes" either! You bastard! How can you lie to her like that, just so you can leave? I was having friggin' morality problems. So what if I lied? It's not like I committed some crime? What's a crime compared to what you're doing to this woman… the one you love? Eh. I began assuring myself that the truth was best for both of us. If I had told her I was going to be back in some time, would it have eased the pain if I didn't in fact return? That doesn't matter now! What matters is how you told her! You selfish, unfeeling asshole! Can't you see how much it's hurting her?

"Oh, God! You'll forget about me in no time, probably get back together with Yamcha and everything will be fine." You sure know how to comfort others.

"What?" Bulma looked up at me. "What did you say? Forget about you? Yamcha? Normal? You have no idea about me, do you? I could never forget you! I'd rather die than have that happen. I couldn't. You are the only thing that makes my life worth living. Had it not been for you, I probably wouldn't be here today… Trunks wouldn't even exist… huh. That poor boy from the future would stop existing… hell, he wouldn't even start existing! Vegeta… how? Why?"

Great, she was starting to tick me off! Doesn't she know that time heals all wounds? The truth is what makes everything better? Heh. I was beginning to sound unrealistic even to myself. Who would believe those words? They were all a bunch of lies…

"Time can never mend

The careless whispers of a good friend,

To the heart and mind

Ignorance is kind,

There's no comfort in the truth,

Pain is all you'll find."

I glanced over at Bulma and noticed pain clearly engraved in her eyes. She could probably tell I was becoming irritated, but didn't realize it was myself I was irritated at, not her. What is she thinking? There was not only pain, but confusion in her eyes. Didn't she realize she had nothing to do with the reason I was leaving for??? If I had a choice, any choice at all, I'd stay! But I couldn't. My problem was the fact I didn't know how to tell her. It all came out so harshly, brutally… I was a savage with no feelings…

~*~*~

Why is he leaving me? I thought desperately. Anger was written all over his face. What have I done to make him leave? Did I pry too much? I try not to ask him about his past! I don't enquire about what he does all day long… To tell the truth I was becoming a bit angry. His eyes were so cold, unmoving. Did he really not care what I was going through? What I would be going through after he left? I wanted to scream at him… swear at him, beg him, plead on my knees… do anything to make him stay…

"Oh, God… I always feared this day would come… what did I do wrong? Can't we… go back? Fix up anything that I screwed up? Please, Vegeta. Don't so this to me. I may be strong, but not strong enough to let you go…" I was whispering these words, unable to get them any louder, but I knew well enough that he could hear me perfectly.

"I have to leave," he repeated again, his tone just as hard as it was the first time. I choked back a sob and looked away. Is he angry at me? Furious even? I was confused. I didn't know what to do.

"Why can't you stay?" I knew I was pushing my luck, but it was all I could do. "Our life is fine, we have  a beautiful child… I thought we were happy with each other… After you leave, I'll have nobody."

"What do you mean, 'nobody'?" He asked. "You've got your parents, Kakarrotto, that hag Chi-Chi, your… our son…"

"They're not the same as you… they can never replace you… ever," I stated.

"Well, they'll just have to." He was getting gruff, and this meant that the conversation would be ending quite soon. Before he left, I made one more fruitless effort.

"Vegeta," I whimpered. "I beg you." He twitched, but said nothing. His cold eyes acquired a glint, even a little warmth… maybe. But all that disappeared as quick as it had come, and he was his old self. Well, maybe not old. He was especially cruel today. He got up, leaned over, planted a kiss on my cheek and slowly walked away.

"Tonight the music seems so loud,

I wish that we could lose this crowd,

Maybe it's better this way,

We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say,

We could have been so good together,

We could have lived this dance forever,

But now who's gonna dance with me?

Please stay…"

~*~*~

I slowly walked away. Not only was she suffering, so was I. I couldn't tell her why I was leaving, no matter how much I wanted to. I just couldn't. So why couldn't you have done it in a more subtle way? You know: get her ready for it, try to calm her down… tell her you FUCKING LOVE HER!!! Ugh. I climbed the stairs to my room, where my bag was ready. I slung it over my shoulder and wondered whether to leave that moment. Should I? No, you wouldn't dare. You can't do this to her too. You have to say good-bye. At least give her the satisfaction that you bade her farewell… I made my way to the living room, where I felt her presence. She hadn't moved from the sofa. Her shirt was drenched with tears that were still flowing down her face. My heart cracked for the millionth time. God, I'm a baka. To leave such a woman…beautiful, intelligent, witty, and most importantly kind, loving and caring…Guilt riddled my body like bullets from a gun.

"I'm never gonna dance again,

guilty feet have got no rhythm,

though it's easy to pretend,

I know you're not a fool,

Should've know better

Than to cheat a friend,

And waste the chance that I'd been given,

So I'm never gonna dance again,

The way I danced with you…"

~*~*~

He came into the room, looked at me and came over. He had his duffel bag over his shoulder. I knew his decision was final, so I said nothing.

"Bulma?" He spoke my name quietly, like he was afraid he blow me away with a single breath. I looked up, but again didn't reply.

"Bulma, please. I need to hear your voice one last time."

"There's one thing I need to know before you leave," I asked.

"If it's whether I'll be coming back, I don't know."

"No, it's not that. I want to know if… if you love me."

"…"

"Please." I barely squeezed the word through my throat.

"Muh." He mumbled something, but my "lowly Earthling" hearing couldn't understand it.

"What did you say?" I asked hoarsely.

"Yes," he said, very quietly, but I managed to make it out.

I gave a tremendous sigh of relief and said: "I love you too." I didn't even ask if he was leaving because of me… it was still a riddle to me, I wanted to know, but didn't have the courage to ask. At that moment, he got up and without a word kissed me passionately on the lips, turned around and headed for the door. He opened it, went through and before he closed it, I caught a glimpse of a heavily trembling hand. His hand.

"Now that you're gone,

Was what I did so wrong, so wrong,

That you had to leave me alone…"