Chapter Two: Like A Brother

A tall man with long black hair took the stand. "Please state the nature of your complaint," said McGonagall crisply.

"Although Ms. Rowling has accurately reported most things about me, she has neglected one of the fundamental aspects of my character," said Sirius.

"Oh no," I whispered, "not...."

"Ms. Rowling has refused to acknowledge the fact that Remus Lupin is my lover." He turned and glared at me. "What was all that 'like a brother' crap about?"

"Wait a second!" I stood up. "Look, Sirius, I'm really sorry. I'm not homophobic or anything - " he glared at me " - but the public isn't ready for that kind of stuff in a kid's book. I mean, I never wrote that you were straight or anything, I just decided it wasn't essential to the plot."

"You know, any decent author would have written in the snogging scene that happened in the Shrieking Shack," he said, giving me a murderous stare. "I mean, it was a bit of a shock for Harry to see his favorite professor kissing someone he thought killed his parents."

"Well, I left everything else the way it was!"

"That's not the point!"

"I'VE GOT A CHILD TO SUPPORT!" I roared. "DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE BACK ON THE DOLE AGAIN?" I took a deep breath and tried to relax. "I apologize. I really am sorry. But I've got enough conservative groups after me as it is without adding in gay relationships."

"I thought you were braver than that," said Sirius softly.

"How much do I have to apologize? I've got myself to look after too, you know. Some psycho probably would have killed me!"

"WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!" bellowed Sirius. Dumbledore banged on the gavel.

"Look, Sirius, if you can't control yourself..."

"Sorry, sir."

McGonagall cleared her throat and gave Dumbledore a look that clearly said she wanted to resume questioning, thank you very much. He nodded.

"Mr. Black, how has Ms. Rowling's misrepresentation affected you?"

"Well, it's caused a huge split between Remus and me. He's testifying for the defense today. He thinks it was her right to do it and I say it falls just short of slander. He moved out last week."

"Oh God," I whispered to Hermione, "I feel like such an idiot! I never wanted them to break up!"

"And Harry's on Remus's side too. Because of this woman, I've lost my lover and things are strained between my godson and I."

I held my head in my hands. "Sirius," I gasped, tears in my eyes, "I am so sorry."

"I'll drop charges," he said, "If you'll go back and correct it."

"I can't do that!"

"Well, then I'm afraid that my testimony stands," he said. Hermione jumped up.

"Are you done now?" she asked McGonagall.

"Yes, Miss Granger, no further questions. I don't suppose you would have some?" asked McGonagall dryly.

"Yes, I do," said Hermione. "Now Sirius," she asked. "What did you think of Ms. Rowling's descriptions of Severus Snape?"

"Inaccurate, but I laughed as I read them," said Sirius. "I mean, she took the vainest man I know and turned him into a hook-nosed, greasy-haired, ugly git."

"Would you agree that her inaccurate descriptions of Severus Snape should be taken out of the books?"

"All right Hermione, you're not so clever that I can't see through this one as easily as Mad-Eye Moony can see through Invisibility Cloaks," said Sirius. "I actually would agree that those misrepresentative descriptions, funny as they were, should be taken out on a matter of principle."

"Are you aware of Article 720-A in the Wizard Protection acts?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, it states that all wizards, witches, and Muggles writing about them should have freedom of speech and artistic license. However, Hermione, are you aware of Article 721-B, which states that inaccurate facts about real people should be either changed to reflect the truth or accompained by a disclaimer at the start? You know, Ms. Rowling, they have those disclaimers on And some of those slash fics have got a better grasp on me than you do. Although I quite hated that really long one that had Remus as an opium addict...."

"Are there any further questions, Miss Granger?" asked Dumbledore.

"No."

"You may step down," said Dumbledore to Sirius. Sirius left the standing, mumbling, "Like a brother, my ass," as he walked to his seat.

"I should have known he'd do something like that," said Hermione to me. "I mean, he was clever enough to escape Azkaban, something like this would be a snap."