*disclaimer* I don't own the WWF(E I still hate you!) personas… duh. So don't sue me I'm not making any money and not claiming to own them… hehe… go read the story..

"I hate you, I hate you now more than I've ever hated anyone in my life!" Chrissy screeched, her eyes blurring over with tears and her hands furiously scratching at her arms. She felt like she needed to get out something, but it wouldn't leave just yet. "I would kill you if I could, but I can't, because you're dead, and you're useless to me now. All you do is cause me ungodly pain when I need it the least." Chrissy slapped her palm against John's tombstone and she fell back, sobbing, covering her eyes with her hands.

Chrissy hated him more than she had ever hated Lucy, more than she had ever felt in her life. The rage consumed herself and all she could think about was how she wanted to strangle him, if she could see him, but she couldn't. That's what made her furious. The stupid bastard got off easy. He was dead and didn't have to deal with his wife anymore. She wept, not caring who was around in the cemetery.

"You stupid bastard, I knew all along. I knew you cheated on my while you were on tour, but you were so good for me, most of the time." She whimpered; clutching at herself, trying to find some sort of strength she had inside of herself.

Chrissy had known, she had been backstage a few times when she thought it would be sweet to visit him on the day off with Evan. But she saw him hanging around with the groupies, all of them hanging off his every word. Just adoring him, but not caring he had a wife. No one did. She was just the little woman who stayed at the house with the kid.

Chrissy loved Evan; there was no doubt about that. He had been a perfect little boy, always sweet and caring. He didn't deserve his fate with John, but John deserved it. Chrissy was spiteful and hateful still. Pain was everlasting in her mind and she couldn't stand that all of her personal relationships had been brought up, in public, in front of the chairman of the WWE. It made her scream, and it made her want to die once more.

She sat looking at his grave. Beloved husband. He was that, she loved him, she didn't deny that, but sometimes she had hated him more than life. Chrissy couldn't stomach the thought of leaving him because he did love her, somewhat. When he was home, he was a good husband. He helped around and he didn't cheat on her. Somehow, Chrissy always felt used for the whole marriage. She supposed that was the problem with marrying a rock star. You get used and they leave you behind in the wake.

She wanted to leave the cemetery, not feeling like dragging up any more old memories. They hurt more than anything now, just knowing other people knew. It bothered her. She liked her secrets kept secrets, hence the name. She looked next to his tombstone. Evan's… beautiful little Evan… he never deserved any of it. He should've been happy, alive… almost going into middle school. She shook her head and wept. She hated all the emotions that clogged her senses and blocked herself from thinking.

She barely opened her eyes, squinted at John's gravestone. "I know you're dead John, and that's not what hurts anymore. It used to be that you were dead and I would never see you, but it's not. It's because you hurt me more than anything possible. You used me and destroyed me. What do I have now John? Nothing… nothing…" She whispered quietly, got up, and left the cemetery. She wanted her feelings dead and buried like John.

***

As soon as Chrissy returned to her farm, she took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm. She had to calm down. All the crying, all the hatred wasn't helping her. She entered her house, shaking her head. It just wouldn't be the same from now on. The phone started to ring and she looked over. Should she answer it?

She looked down at her cell phone. It was Raven's number. He hadn't called yet… maybe she should answer it. She picked up the phone warily and whispered, "Hello?" Her voice was hoarse from crying.

"Christina, is that you? You sound awful."
"Yeah… well, life's treating me rough." She muttered, pacing around her house, then entering her kitchen.

"I was just wondering if you wanted company. Glen is getting worried about you…"

"All right…" Chrissy shook her head. She didn't care if people were worried, she'd go live in her house for the rest of her life. She didn't want to need anyone anymore.

Raven let out a lengthy sigh. "Well, you know I'm around, and I could come and see you Christina."

She sighed. "No, Rave, I feel like being alone… I really just…" She couldn't totally tell him, but something in her wanted to ask him to come to her house and stay just for a while. Just to see someone who might possibly understand her, but she didn't ask. She stayed quiet.

Raven paused for a moment. "Oh, Gwen says she wants to tell you Elmer is going to be okay and that Lucy in the hospital."

"Well at least something good came out of that day." Chrissy muttered, thinking of Lucy bloody and beaten. That really did make her smile, a genuine one.

Raven laughed sadly. "Christina, are you sure you want to stay there alone? I've been told I can scrub floors really well."

Chrissy giggled. "It's okay Rave, I'd really just rather stay here a lone for the time being, but thanks for the offer. My floors are pretty dirty; I'll take you up on that offer someday."

"No problem."

Chrissy could almost hear Raven smiling. He was trying to help, and trying to be so uplifting. "Well, I'm going to go… It's almost time for dinner. Bye, Rave."

"You sure Christina?"

Chrissy paused then sighed. "It's okay, Rave. I mean nothing seriously bad is going to happen… so there's no reason to worry about me… I'll be fine here alone."

"All right, Christina. Bye."

"Bye Rave." She quietly whispered then turned off the phone. She had a sickly feeling weighing down her gut that something bad was going to happen and she just made one of the stupidest mistakes of her life.

To Be Continued…

Note: Mwahaha… mistakes… mistakes, lovely right?

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