It Happened That Night...
Year 6
Author's Introduction: No friends. No happiness. No Love. Emptiness. These are things we create for ourselves. But does any one deserve them? How do we release ourselves when we become fallen angels? How do we fly on broken wings? Is it the end, or simply a single battle lost, but not the war? Is the ship really going to find a lighthouse? Do we spend all that time waiting for a second chance, for a break that would make it okay?
When an angel falls, Heaven will weep. The sky lets go with millions of holy tears and it's called rain. But does Heaven cry for the ones we push away; the angels that do not fall of their own accord? I am a fallen angel. I've fought the battle. And lost the war. It's not always our fault that we fall. For me, it was a bit of both -every one else's fault and my own. Have you ever endured the pain of teasing? Taunting? All around hatred and spite? Were you picked on, because of the way you were? The way you acted? Because of your intelligence? Or stupidity? In other words, do you really know what it's like?
What you are about to experience is the fall of one of the most loathed angels. He flew on broken wings. And some day, he'll fly higher than ever before. He'll fly in the arms of an angel (me :P ) and the tears will fall -not because of the plunge, but rather, because of his soaring through the air. And I'll be his solid ground. I will still be there, waiting, when he comes back down.
@}--,--'----
It was very hard for me to watch him torture himself like that. Very. I'd never seen him so upset. He ignored me, didn't look at me. In fact, I don't think he saw a thing. Until that night..
Looking back, Severus couldn't've known how I felt. Not at the time. I'd never told him. I had been belittled before -not by James Potter and his friends, but by countless others...Allison, Joe, Katie, Lea, Jim...the list could go on and on. And I was afraid. Afraid of rejection and hatred and the laughter.
So I hid myself. I became Shinigami, hidden behind years of experience. This was the time of Shinigami, the time of death of one's self. Severus knew it. He died too that year. We were sixteen, both Slytherin Sixth years. He liked me. Or, at least, I think he did. He talked to me at least. That was a start. He usually reserved his voice only for teachers.
It was a full moon. I remember that. Around the end of October. Actually, it was my little brother's birthday, come to think of it. The little Ravenclaw would've been whooping it up with his friends the exact same time as I saw Severus' soul and heart.
I don't recall just why I'd been lurking around the school grounds. It was getting pretty late, the moon was hidden behind the clouds, but it was deffinatly full. I happened to catch a glimpse of Remus Lupin being led across the grounds by the nurse. They were headed for the Whomping Willow. That was a curious thing. The willow was dangerous. Most people avoided it. Michael had been given a broken arm from the damn thing in his first year when Josh dared him to touch it.
I watched curiously as the nurse prodded into the branches with the end of her broomstick. The tree stopped swiping at them with a creak and Remus disappeared somewhere beneath it.
Curious, very curious...
But what startled me more, after watching the nurse saunter back off towards the castle, was the sight of three more figures approaching the tree. One was skinny and tall, with a hood drawn up around him. I knew that was Severus; he alsways prowled around like that. The second was short and chubby -Peter Pettigrew. The third, tall, lanky and swaggering as he walked. There was no doubt in my mind that this was Sirius Black. But what, I wondered, was Severus doing with Pettigrew and Black? The three hatted each other.
I watched, hidden in the shadows. Black was motioning towards the tree, then to Severus, back to the tree, and finally, to a large stick protruding from the ground. Pettigrew was nodding furiously and his voice drifted through the night. "...That's right, just poke right there and it stops..." Then he and Black trotted off, leaving Severus a safe distance from the limbs of the Whomping Willow.
I had almost decided to approach him and ask what they had said when he wrenched the stick from the ground and poked at the tree. Instantly, the branches froze and he moved cautiously nearer to the willow.
I watched silently, the breeze whipping my hair into my eyes, as he slid under the willow. I had a bad feeling...suddenly remembering that the moon was full, that I'd heard stories of screams from the house dubbed the "Shrieking Shack" and that Potter and his friends had been known to call Remus "Moony."
My stomach lurched. I was suddenly certain that if Severus went in there -where ever "there" was- he would not meet Remus Lupin and he would not come out alive.
But I had become numb, as if in a trance, as my mind reeled with thoughts of what may happen beneath that tree. If Lupin was, as I believed, a werewolf. If Severus...He was gone. He'd descended under the tree. It'd swallowed him up.
I silently mourned the loss of a friend. He'd been my only friend and I, his. We'd suffered through homework together, failed tests together, skipped lessons together. I'd never had a friend like Severus and, I thought sadly, I never would again. I'd never told him how I really felt about him, for fear of further humiliation.
Then, as I snapped out of my dark reverie, I saw James Potter tearing across the yard. He skidded to a stop near the willow, paused a moment, then used the very same branch to also prod the tree. He crept warily under the still branches and disappeared from view.
I once more regained the use of both my legs and my voice. I rushed forward, screaming all the while. "...What the Hell are you doing?? Severus, what's he done to you...??!"
Potter managed to drag my friend out of the roots before he'd reached Lupin. But Severus was in a dreadful state. His face was pale, his breathing ragid, and frightened mutterings were all he could manage "...A werewolf...he's a werewolf...they sent me in there...tried to kill me...He's A Werewolf...!"
"Let him alone, James Potter!" I growled. Severus was my friend, not Potter's, and if any one'd make heads or tails of what'd happened to him, it's be me. Not Potter and not anybody else. Me.
"Geez, Shelly, ya don't need to gripe about it. 'M only tryin' to help, for chrissake!" James sputtered
"I think you've done more than enough." I looked down at Severus where he sat dazed on the ground. He stared up at me, almost confused, "...He's a werewolf, Shinigami...An honest-to-goodness werewolf..."
"I know." I sat down beside him and he looked at me wordlessly, his black hair falling in his face. I glared up at James. "Why are you still here? Can't you see he needs help? Go get some one!"
James looked at us uncertainly for a moment. Then headed back across the yard towards the school. I looked back at Severus. "Are you okay? What'id he do?"
"Nothing. I'm okay, I guess...Just scared me half to death...I've never seen a werewolf before..." He looked so frightened. Usually, he was the one who kept cool and composed. I'd never, ever seen Severus Snape so upset. A compelling desire to hug him overwhelmed me, but I held back. This is neither the time nor the place, I told myself, but still...
He was looking at me ponderously. "What's wrong?"
"I...I want to hug you..." I said slowly, "I want to keep you safe. You're my friend. I want to hug you... "
His voice was a deadly whisper. "What's stopping you?"
"You don't care?"
"I'm your friend, aren't I? Why should I care?" His dark eyes were burning into mine. He smiled. Not just one of those oh- you're-in-trouble-now smiles, but a real one. He smiled. Just for me. It was all for me; the smile, the look in his eyes.
Oh, the innocence of it all! The unfamiliarness. Neither of us had ever thought of each other as anything more than friends, and there we sat, inches from one another, drawing nearer, when-
"Severus! On your feet, Severus. Oh, and you too, Shelly. Up, come on. We need to talk about what just happened." The Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, stood before us, James Potter behind him, smirking at what he'd just seen.
I stood slowly and helped Severus to his feet. We looked expectantly at the Headmaster. "Yes?" Severus asked, "What about it?" "Remus Lupin, a werewolf...and Sirius sent Severus to meet certain death!" I exclaimed
"Miss McKernon," Dumbledore began, "I do not deny that Remus is a werewolf. Nor am I pleased with what Sirius just did. But the fact is, it's not supposed to be common knowledge, Remus' being a werewolf. That's why he leaves once a month on the full moon. That's why the Whomping Willow was planted, so he'd have a safe place to transform. He's very dangerous like that. Severus could've died. Sirius will be punished, of course, and the two of you are forbidden to speak of this, do you understand?"
"Yes, Headmaster." I said sullenly. What I wanted to do was scream and yell and curse the Hell out of Sirius for what he'd done to Severus and to strangle Dumbldore and Potter for ruining our "moment." But I refrained from any of those things and managed to maitain and keep my cool as we trudged back to the castle.
Severus sighed as we parted in the common room. He looked at me sadly; a lost look could be seen deep within his dark eyes. "Goodnight, Shinigami." He said softly.
I looked at him a moment. I loved him. I couldn't hide myself from him no matter how I tried. And Lord, had I tried. "It's 'Shelly' ...Please, call me Shelly." I told him.
He nodded. "...Shelly..." Another forbidden smile, all for me. God, how I loved him. He was simply lost; a fallen angel...waiting for wings to fly from this world, to leave behind the past and the pain. I knew what it was like. We were so very alike, so very much the same. So afraid...
@}--,--'---
Now, years later, I look back on that and smile. You see, wings can heal, feathers can grow back. We've made each other whole; we are neither lost nor afraid. It's Severus and Shelly, the world's most lonely people being lonely together. The world just loves two lonely people; the world just loves two empty hearts. The odds were against it that we'd make it very far. They say the heart is a desperate hunter. I don't think either of us has done too badly. He flies now, with me by his side. And I tell him, "When you're soaring through the air, I'll be your solid ground. Do whatever you dare. I will still be there, when you come back down."
Oh, what a little love can do. Now that we've found each other, we're stronger than we ever knew. And we are not fallen any longer.
We've chosen to soar.
@}--,--'---
Note from XellAn-Chan: this is the first finished HP fic i did...a lot of people probably won't like it because of the Snape stuff. but i'm a Snape fan through and through. i'm a Slytherin, he's my teacher and he's a lot like me. so if you don't like him...dont' read any more of my HP fanfics.
Author's Introduction: No friends. No happiness. No Love. Emptiness. These are things we create for ourselves. But does any one deserve them? How do we release ourselves when we become fallen angels? How do we fly on broken wings? Is it the end, or simply a single battle lost, but not the war? Is the ship really going to find a lighthouse? Do we spend all that time waiting for a second chance, for a break that would make it okay?
When an angel falls, Heaven will weep. The sky lets go with millions of holy tears and it's called rain. But does Heaven cry for the ones we push away; the angels that do not fall of their own accord? I am a fallen angel. I've fought the battle. And lost the war. It's not always our fault that we fall. For me, it was a bit of both -every one else's fault and my own. Have you ever endured the pain of teasing? Taunting? All around hatred and spite? Were you picked on, because of the way you were? The way you acted? Because of your intelligence? Or stupidity? In other words, do you really know what it's like?
What you are about to experience is the fall of one of the most loathed angels. He flew on broken wings. And some day, he'll fly higher than ever before. He'll fly in the arms of an angel (me :P ) and the tears will fall -not because of the plunge, but rather, because of his soaring through the air. And I'll be his solid ground. I will still be there, waiting, when he comes back down.
@}--,--'----
It was very hard for me to watch him torture himself like that. Very. I'd never seen him so upset. He ignored me, didn't look at me. In fact, I don't think he saw a thing. Until that night..
Looking back, Severus couldn't've known how I felt. Not at the time. I'd never told him. I had been belittled before -not by James Potter and his friends, but by countless others...Allison, Joe, Katie, Lea, Jim...the list could go on and on. And I was afraid. Afraid of rejection and hatred and the laughter.
So I hid myself. I became Shinigami, hidden behind years of experience. This was the time of Shinigami, the time of death of one's self. Severus knew it. He died too that year. We were sixteen, both Slytherin Sixth years. He liked me. Or, at least, I think he did. He talked to me at least. That was a start. He usually reserved his voice only for teachers.
It was a full moon. I remember that. Around the end of October. Actually, it was my little brother's birthday, come to think of it. The little Ravenclaw would've been whooping it up with his friends the exact same time as I saw Severus' soul and heart.
I don't recall just why I'd been lurking around the school grounds. It was getting pretty late, the moon was hidden behind the clouds, but it was deffinatly full. I happened to catch a glimpse of Remus Lupin being led across the grounds by the nurse. They were headed for the Whomping Willow. That was a curious thing. The willow was dangerous. Most people avoided it. Michael had been given a broken arm from the damn thing in his first year when Josh dared him to touch it.
I watched curiously as the nurse prodded into the branches with the end of her broomstick. The tree stopped swiping at them with a creak and Remus disappeared somewhere beneath it.
Curious, very curious...
But what startled me more, after watching the nurse saunter back off towards the castle, was the sight of three more figures approaching the tree. One was skinny and tall, with a hood drawn up around him. I knew that was Severus; he alsways prowled around like that. The second was short and chubby -Peter Pettigrew. The third, tall, lanky and swaggering as he walked. There was no doubt in my mind that this was Sirius Black. But what, I wondered, was Severus doing with Pettigrew and Black? The three hatted each other.
I watched, hidden in the shadows. Black was motioning towards the tree, then to Severus, back to the tree, and finally, to a large stick protruding from the ground. Pettigrew was nodding furiously and his voice drifted through the night. "...That's right, just poke right there and it stops..." Then he and Black trotted off, leaving Severus a safe distance from the limbs of the Whomping Willow.
I had almost decided to approach him and ask what they had said when he wrenched the stick from the ground and poked at the tree. Instantly, the branches froze and he moved cautiously nearer to the willow.
I watched silently, the breeze whipping my hair into my eyes, as he slid under the willow. I had a bad feeling...suddenly remembering that the moon was full, that I'd heard stories of screams from the house dubbed the "Shrieking Shack" and that Potter and his friends had been known to call Remus "Moony."
My stomach lurched. I was suddenly certain that if Severus went in there -where ever "there" was- he would not meet Remus Lupin and he would not come out alive.
But I had become numb, as if in a trance, as my mind reeled with thoughts of what may happen beneath that tree. If Lupin was, as I believed, a werewolf. If Severus...He was gone. He'd descended under the tree. It'd swallowed him up.
I silently mourned the loss of a friend. He'd been my only friend and I, his. We'd suffered through homework together, failed tests together, skipped lessons together. I'd never had a friend like Severus and, I thought sadly, I never would again. I'd never told him how I really felt about him, for fear of further humiliation.
Then, as I snapped out of my dark reverie, I saw James Potter tearing across the yard. He skidded to a stop near the willow, paused a moment, then used the very same branch to also prod the tree. He crept warily under the still branches and disappeared from view.
I once more regained the use of both my legs and my voice. I rushed forward, screaming all the while. "...What the Hell are you doing?? Severus, what's he done to you...??!"
Potter managed to drag my friend out of the roots before he'd reached Lupin. But Severus was in a dreadful state. His face was pale, his breathing ragid, and frightened mutterings were all he could manage "...A werewolf...he's a werewolf...they sent me in there...tried to kill me...He's A Werewolf...!"
"Let him alone, James Potter!" I growled. Severus was my friend, not Potter's, and if any one'd make heads or tails of what'd happened to him, it's be me. Not Potter and not anybody else. Me.
"Geez, Shelly, ya don't need to gripe about it. 'M only tryin' to help, for chrissake!" James sputtered
"I think you've done more than enough." I looked down at Severus where he sat dazed on the ground. He stared up at me, almost confused, "...He's a werewolf, Shinigami...An honest-to-goodness werewolf..."
"I know." I sat down beside him and he looked at me wordlessly, his black hair falling in his face. I glared up at James. "Why are you still here? Can't you see he needs help? Go get some one!"
James looked at us uncertainly for a moment. Then headed back across the yard towards the school. I looked back at Severus. "Are you okay? What'id he do?"
"Nothing. I'm okay, I guess...Just scared me half to death...I've never seen a werewolf before..." He looked so frightened. Usually, he was the one who kept cool and composed. I'd never, ever seen Severus Snape so upset. A compelling desire to hug him overwhelmed me, but I held back. This is neither the time nor the place, I told myself, but still...
He was looking at me ponderously. "What's wrong?"
"I...I want to hug you..." I said slowly, "I want to keep you safe. You're my friend. I want to hug you... "
His voice was a deadly whisper. "What's stopping you?"
"You don't care?"
"I'm your friend, aren't I? Why should I care?" His dark eyes were burning into mine. He smiled. Not just one of those oh- you're-in-trouble-now smiles, but a real one. He smiled. Just for me. It was all for me; the smile, the look in his eyes.
Oh, the innocence of it all! The unfamiliarness. Neither of us had ever thought of each other as anything more than friends, and there we sat, inches from one another, drawing nearer, when-
"Severus! On your feet, Severus. Oh, and you too, Shelly. Up, come on. We need to talk about what just happened." The Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, stood before us, James Potter behind him, smirking at what he'd just seen.
I stood slowly and helped Severus to his feet. We looked expectantly at the Headmaster. "Yes?" Severus asked, "What about it?" "Remus Lupin, a werewolf...and Sirius sent Severus to meet certain death!" I exclaimed
"Miss McKernon," Dumbledore began, "I do not deny that Remus is a werewolf. Nor am I pleased with what Sirius just did. But the fact is, it's not supposed to be common knowledge, Remus' being a werewolf. That's why he leaves once a month on the full moon. That's why the Whomping Willow was planted, so he'd have a safe place to transform. He's very dangerous like that. Severus could've died. Sirius will be punished, of course, and the two of you are forbidden to speak of this, do you understand?"
"Yes, Headmaster." I said sullenly. What I wanted to do was scream and yell and curse the Hell out of Sirius for what he'd done to Severus and to strangle Dumbldore and Potter for ruining our "moment." But I refrained from any of those things and managed to maitain and keep my cool as we trudged back to the castle.
Severus sighed as we parted in the common room. He looked at me sadly; a lost look could be seen deep within his dark eyes. "Goodnight, Shinigami." He said softly.
I looked at him a moment. I loved him. I couldn't hide myself from him no matter how I tried. And Lord, had I tried. "It's 'Shelly' ...Please, call me Shelly." I told him.
He nodded. "...Shelly..." Another forbidden smile, all for me. God, how I loved him. He was simply lost; a fallen angel...waiting for wings to fly from this world, to leave behind the past and the pain. I knew what it was like. We were so very alike, so very much the same. So afraid...
@}--,--'---
Now, years later, I look back on that and smile. You see, wings can heal, feathers can grow back. We've made each other whole; we are neither lost nor afraid. It's Severus and Shelly, the world's most lonely people being lonely together. The world just loves two lonely people; the world just loves two empty hearts. The odds were against it that we'd make it very far. They say the heart is a desperate hunter. I don't think either of us has done too badly. He flies now, with me by his side. And I tell him, "When you're soaring through the air, I'll be your solid ground. Do whatever you dare. I will still be there, when you come back down."
Oh, what a little love can do. Now that we've found each other, we're stronger than we ever knew. And we are not fallen any longer.
We've chosen to soar.
@}--,--'---
Note from XellAn-Chan: this is the first finished HP fic i did...a lot of people probably won't like it because of the Snape stuff. but i'm a Snape fan through and through. i'm a Slytherin, he's my teacher and he's a lot like me. so if you don't like him...dont' read any more of my HP fanfics.