The Long Good-bye
*Year 7*
"This is the long good-bye...won't somebody tell me why...two lovers in love can't make it..."
@}--,--'---
The world was a big blur as it passed by outside my window of the train. I remember that. There's not much else I remember about that train ride. I was sitting there, staring through the glass, watching the trees fly by. It had been raining buckets the whole day, which only served to enhance my dismal mood. A feeling of great opression had settled around me. My attention was focused on the rain which paraded down the window. I sighed. What a horrid day it had been.
If anything, I should have been excited. The next day was the first day of summer vacation, I was done with school, a certified witch, and I was going home.
I was also leaving behind my best friend. He lived in England; my parents were ambasssadors to the United States of America and we lived in Foxwood, New York. I'd be thousands of miles from him, terribly lonely and terribly unhappy.
Severus Snape, my best friend in the whole world whom I'd known for seven years and loved with all my heart, was asleep beside me, his head rested on my shoulder. He had his cloak drawn up around him and his stringy black hair fell across his pale face. The way he was bunched up in the seat, it was like he was hiding himself, like he didn't like the idea of facing the world alone any more than I did.
I could feel him very warm and near and I wanted to cry. He was my best friend. We'd been through so much together. (Our head of house, Scythrop Southby, had called us "Curse and Countercurse" because you cannot have one without the other.) I would miss him so much. There would be no one else I would miss -not Alexandra or Gavin or even Salome. Only Severus.
As I gazed down upon him sleeping there, a thought crossed my mind. What would become of him? He was smart; he'd passed his N.E.W.T.s with flying colors and he could do pretty much anything he wanted. But what was it he wanted? More than anything, the dark arts fascinated him. That could get him in toruble. His mind was constantly in turmoil, his emotions mixed and he sometimes had a lost look in his eyes. I worried about him.
Then my gaze fell upon the crest emblazoned on my robe. A silver snake on a green background. It stood for all that I was, everything inside of me, and all my characteristics and quailities. It was also the reason I hated my life. The other reason I wasn't looking forward to going home was the fact that I was the black sheep of the family; the outcast. Every wizard on my family tree for generations had been Ravenclaws when they attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was the first and only one to belong to another house and that house just happened to be Slytherin. My family acted like it was a curse. No one, not even my classmates, understood that I liked it and I was proud of being a Slyrtherin. No one but Severus.
The thought of going home was almost more than I could bear. My eyes clouded over with tears. I didn't want to be in that big empty house while my brothers were still in England (Allan working in a shop on Diagon Alley; Michael still at Hogwarts). I didn't want to go back to America. And I didn't want to leave Severus behind. It would be an awful summer and the rest of my life would be just as awful. A few tears ran down my face. I positively hated my life. I hated my family. I hated America. But I loved Severus and I didn't want to leave him. I'd been so lonely other summers. The only thing that kept me going was the idea that I'd see Severus again in the fall. And that notion was flying farther away the farther we got from Hogwarts. A few more tears rolled off my checks. Then a few more until I was sobbing into my hands.
He yawned, lifted his head off my shoulder and rubbed his eyes. He looked at me a minute, then sighed. "I...I'll miss you too." He, guessing what my tears were about, whispered, "I don't want you to go. Don't leave. Run away with me. We'll go somewhere -anywhere- and be together." I shook my headly sadly "I can't disobey Daddy like that, Severus. He wants me home. He wants me away from you." His gaze fell to the floor of the train car. His hair hid his face and I knew he didn't want me to see him cry. "I do not like your father." He said slowly, "He thinks whatever he says is what's best for you." I bit my lip. I didn't really like Daddy either, but he was my father and I had to listen to him. I sniffled, trying to fight my tears and enjoy the last of our time together. He drew me silently into his arms and I rested my head against his heart.
We didn't say anything to each other for a long time, just sat there staring shyly into one another's eyes. I loved him immensely, with a love deeper than any teenage love. No matter what became of him or me, I would always love him. It wasn't just some little crush; it was real, true love. We'd suffered for one another, shared moments of joy, sadness, remorse. But we'd always stuck it out. He was my other half and I couldn't function properly alone any more.
As the Hogwarts Express rolled slowly into London, towards King's Cross Station, I grew more and more unhappy. I'd be lost in a crowd soon -one of the masses- with no best friend. I didn't want that. Memories fade as we get older. I didn't want to lose him like that. The train chugged to a stop and I clung to him, not wanting to leave.
He hugged me, held me close. But I could see something in his eyes, some deep regret, as he drew away from him. "You've got to leave me now." He said quietly, "You've got to go alone." Fresh tears filled my eyes. "I can't..." I didn't want to. "You have to, Shelly. You've got to learn to fly." He raised his eyes to look at me. His hand brushed against my cheek; his skin was cool on mine. He kissed my forehead and it was like nothing else. There was nothing that could compare with that tender little touch, with that state of bliss. "Good-bye, Shelly." His voice seemed so far away as he turned to leave. He paused in the door way. "Will you always remember me?" He questioned. Tears fogged my glasses and I took them off. I answered him in a small, choked-up voice. "I will remember you, if you remember me..." Satisfied, he nodded. Then he was gone. He left me just like that. I remained there on that train for a good ten minutes more. And standing there, my senses reeled. A fatal attraction was holding me fast. I loved him so. I had thought I thought of everything; that I was prepared. I couldn't handle good-bye, but I couldn't let it end like that. I ran off of the train.
He was walking away, his back to me, with his mother. Blinded by tears, I strumbled after them. Caught him by the shoulder. Surprised, he turned to look at me. I hugged him once more. "Good-bye?" I whispered into his ear, "What's good-bye? What's good about it? It's horrible...I will never learn to fly alone." He smiled faintly. "You can. You will. This is the point of no turning back. Go now; chase your dreams. But remember me, think of me. And if you are lonely, look up. We are both under the same starry sky."
That was the last I saw of him. He walked away, his mum looking at him questioningly. And my mother appeared at my side. "There you are. Allan and I have been looking all over for you. Let's go, we've a long way home."
I nodded silently. Yes, it was a long way home. For home was some place I had yet to find...
@}--,--'---
Good-bye can mean many different things. In French, it means, "until we meet again." This story is a pre-amble of things to come, for it is an ending. But every new begining comes from some other begining's end. We will all meet again eventually, some sooner than others. The longest good- byes only lead to the happiest hellos.
*Year 7*
"This is the long good-bye...won't somebody tell me why...two lovers in love can't make it..."
@}--,--'---
The world was a big blur as it passed by outside my window of the train. I remember that. There's not much else I remember about that train ride. I was sitting there, staring through the glass, watching the trees fly by. It had been raining buckets the whole day, which only served to enhance my dismal mood. A feeling of great opression had settled around me. My attention was focused on the rain which paraded down the window. I sighed. What a horrid day it had been.
If anything, I should have been excited. The next day was the first day of summer vacation, I was done with school, a certified witch, and I was going home.
I was also leaving behind my best friend. He lived in England; my parents were ambasssadors to the United States of America and we lived in Foxwood, New York. I'd be thousands of miles from him, terribly lonely and terribly unhappy.
Severus Snape, my best friend in the whole world whom I'd known for seven years and loved with all my heart, was asleep beside me, his head rested on my shoulder. He had his cloak drawn up around him and his stringy black hair fell across his pale face. The way he was bunched up in the seat, it was like he was hiding himself, like he didn't like the idea of facing the world alone any more than I did.
I could feel him very warm and near and I wanted to cry. He was my best friend. We'd been through so much together. (Our head of house, Scythrop Southby, had called us "Curse and Countercurse" because you cannot have one without the other.) I would miss him so much. There would be no one else I would miss -not Alexandra or Gavin or even Salome. Only Severus.
As I gazed down upon him sleeping there, a thought crossed my mind. What would become of him? He was smart; he'd passed his N.E.W.T.s with flying colors and he could do pretty much anything he wanted. But what was it he wanted? More than anything, the dark arts fascinated him. That could get him in toruble. His mind was constantly in turmoil, his emotions mixed and he sometimes had a lost look in his eyes. I worried about him.
Then my gaze fell upon the crest emblazoned on my robe. A silver snake on a green background. It stood for all that I was, everything inside of me, and all my characteristics and quailities. It was also the reason I hated my life. The other reason I wasn't looking forward to going home was the fact that I was the black sheep of the family; the outcast. Every wizard on my family tree for generations had been Ravenclaws when they attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was the first and only one to belong to another house and that house just happened to be Slytherin. My family acted like it was a curse. No one, not even my classmates, understood that I liked it and I was proud of being a Slyrtherin. No one but Severus.
The thought of going home was almost more than I could bear. My eyes clouded over with tears. I didn't want to be in that big empty house while my brothers were still in England (Allan working in a shop on Diagon Alley; Michael still at Hogwarts). I didn't want to go back to America. And I didn't want to leave Severus behind. It would be an awful summer and the rest of my life would be just as awful. A few tears ran down my face. I positively hated my life. I hated my family. I hated America. But I loved Severus and I didn't want to leave him. I'd been so lonely other summers. The only thing that kept me going was the idea that I'd see Severus again in the fall. And that notion was flying farther away the farther we got from Hogwarts. A few more tears rolled off my checks. Then a few more until I was sobbing into my hands.
He yawned, lifted his head off my shoulder and rubbed his eyes. He looked at me a minute, then sighed. "I...I'll miss you too." He, guessing what my tears were about, whispered, "I don't want you to go. Don't leave. Run away with me. We'll go somewhere -anywhere- and be together." I shook my headly sadly "I can't disobey Daddy like that, Severus. He wants me home. He wants me away from you." His gaze fell to the floor of the train car. His hair hid his face and I knew he didn't want me to see him cry. "I do not like your father." He said slowly, "He thinks whatever he says is what's best for you." I bit my lip. I didn't really like Daddy either, but he was my father and I had to listen to him. I sniffled, trying to fight my tears and enjoy the last of our time together. He drew me silently into his arms and I rested my head against his heart.
We didn't say anything to each other for a long time, just sat there staring shyly into one another's eyes. I loved him immensely, with a love deeper than any teenage love. No matter what became of him or me, I would always love him. It wasn't just some little crush; it was real, true love. We'd suffered for one another, shared moments of joy, sadness, remorse. But we'd always stuck it out. He was my other half and I couldn't function properly alone any more.
As the Hogwarts Express rolled slowly into London, towards King's Cross Station, I grew more and more unhappy. I'd be lost in a crowd soon -one of the masses- with no best friend. I didn't want that. Memories fade as we get older. I didn't want to lose him like that. The train chugged to a stop and I clung to him, not wanting to leave.
He hugged me, held me close. But I could see something in his eyes, some deep regret, as he drew away from him. "You've got to leave me now." He said quietly, "You've got to go alone." Fresh tears filled my eyes. "I can't..." I didn't want to. "You have to, Shelly. You've got to learn to fly." He raised his eyes to look at me. His hand brushed against my cheek; his skin was cool on mine. He kissed my forehead and it was like nothing else. There was nothing that could compare with that tender little touch, with that state of bliss. "Good-bye, Shelly." His voice seemed so far away as he turned to leave. He paused in the door way. "Will you always remember me?" He questioned. Tears fogged my glasses and I took them off. I answered him in a small, choked-up voice. "I will remember you, if you remember me..." Satisfied, he nodded. Then he was gone. He left me just like that. I remained there on that train for a good ten minutes more. And standing there, my senses reeled. A fatal attraction was holding me fast. I loved him so. I had thought I thought of everything; that I was prepared. I couldn't handle good-bye, but I couldn't let it end like that. I ran off of the train.
He was walking away, his back to me, with his mother. Blinded by tears, I strumbled after them. Caught him by the shoulder. Surprised, he turned to look at me. I hugged him once more. "Good-bye?" I whispered into his ear, "What's good-bye? What's good about it? It's horrible...I will never learn to fly alone." He smiled faintly. "You can. You will. This is the point of no turning back. Go now; chase your dreams. But remember me, think of me. And if you are lonely, look up. We are both under the same starry sky."
That was the last I saw of him. He walked away, his mum looking at him questioningly. And my mother appeared at my side. "There you are. Allan and I have been looking all over for you. Let's go, we've a long way home."
I nodded silently. Yes, it was a long way home. For home was some place I had yet to find...
@}--,--'---
Good-bye can mean many different things. In French, it means, "until we meet again." This story is a pre-amble of things to come, for it is an ending. But every new begining comes from some other begining's end. We will all meet again eventually, some sooner than others. The longest good- byes only lead to the happiest hellos.