Somewhere Out There
Chapter Six - The Letter
A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :)
It had been a week since Lyra saw Will closing the window leading into her world, and try as she might to forget the pain, it always came back to her. She had said nothing to Collin, and probably never would; when he noticed how aggrieved she looked, she had explained that she was just feeling nervous about the wedding. The mystery of how the knife was working again, how Will came to realize it, why he had made a window, if she would ever see him again, and the other hundred questions running in her mind, remained unsolved and she made no attempt to unravel them.
Pantalaimon had come back to her on her way home from Jordan College, still trembling and mewing little sounds of grief, and he still had barely said anything to her. He was so frightened and upset, and Lyra wished beyond anything that she could help him. But he didn't want to be helped, so she waited patiently until he was ready to speak about what had happened.
In the meantime, her wedding was less than two weeks away and she had plenty on her mind.
"Will?" said Mary, knocking on the bedroom door. "I have some dinner here for you."
"I'm not hungry."
"Will," Mary sighed. "I really think you should eat. You've been in the bedroom all day."
"I want some time to think, that's all."
"Good. Well so do I," she said stubbornly. "We can think together."
She opened the door and found him laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, his cat dæmon sitting in front of the window. He didn't say anything while she put the tray of food on the bedside table, but as she sat down on a chair beside him, he whispered, "I had a visit from an angel this morning."
"Xaphania?" said Mary.
"Mhm."
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"What did she say? It was about the knife, wasn't it?"
"Partly. About the Republic of Heaven, too. And…Lyra."
Mary didn't say anything but waited for him to continue. It wasn't nearly as hard for her as it was for him, and she couldn't even imagine what he had gone through.
"I can't decide if it's a miracle or not," Will said. "Xaphania told me that I used the knife without squandering any Dust, or even creating a Specter."
"Oh, Will, that's wonderful!" Mary cried. "Now you can see--"
"No," he said, shaking his head. "Xaphania said that even though it's a possibility, doesn't mean that I should do it."
"But Will… this is something you want more than anything. You can't just give up the opportunity."
"Well what if that opportunity leaves me? And I have to part with Lyra again? It would be so hard…"
"Or it could be the best possible thing ever," Mary whispered. Her dæmon fluttered off of her shoulder and joined Kirjava at the window, and for a moment she stared at the setting sun's pastel colors become golden on his glossy black coat. Then she turned back to Will. "At one point, you would have given anything just to spend one more minute with Lyra. You would never have given this chance away. In a moment, without even thinking, you would have jumped up and made a window right this second. Possibly, you could have grown wiser, and want to think about your decision first. But there isn't much to think about." She lowered her voice and placed her hand gently on his arm, and he tore his gaze from the ceiling and looked at her uncertainly. "Or maybe, Will, just maybe…you don't love her anymore."
His face grew red with fury and Mary smiled, knowing that would happen and exactly what she had wanted to do.
"See, Will?" she said. "You love her. You always will. Go to her…"
She stood and her dæmon flew out of the room, and she followed.
"Kirjava?" said Will.
She bounded onto the bed and sat on her hind legs beside his arms. "I know…" she said understandingly.
"What should we do? Should we make a window?"
Instead of answering, Kirjava looked towards the window again and mewed such a sound that Will had never heard and tears sprang to his eyes. It was painful and full of love and desire and everything Will had felt when he was with Lyra, and when he was leaving her and missing her so much. And he knew somewhere in his heart that it meant a yes.
"I'll write her a letter," Will sniffed. "I'll ask her to meet me in the Botanic Garden, on our bench. If she comes, I know she still loves me."
He pulled out a pen and paper and began to write. He wished he could write a thousand pages telling Lyra how much he missed her, but he controlled himself and made it short and simple, and signed it with, "Love always and forever, your Will." The only problem was, how could he get it to her?
"I will take it," said Kirjava. "Cut a window into her world and I'll find her."
"What if someone sees you?" Will protested.
"I'll go at night, no one will see me. I'm only hoping…"
She trailed off and whimpered quietly. Will knew what she meant. She didn't want Pantalaimon to see her; it would give everything away.
But they were both willing to risk it.
"Lyra?"
Lyra nearly dropped the apple she was eating in surprise; Pantalaimon hadn't spoken to her in days, and for him to just speak outright like that without a reason certainly shocked her. "Pan?"
"There's a letter for you at the door."
"Who's it from?" she said, walking around the kitchen counter and into the living room. The front door was open, her having just stepped outside to watch the sun rise, but she hadn't realized there was a letter there.
"It doesn't say. It only has your name on the front."
She picked Pan up in her arms as she reached the door, and he settled on her shoulder as she bent down and picked up the folded letter on her doormat. "Strange," she muttered. "If there's no postage that must mean it was hand delivered."
"Open it," said Pantalaimon impatiently. He had a growing, uneasy feeling in his stomach…
Lyra flipped the letter over and unfolded it, and began to read it aloud:
Dear Lyra,
I wouldn't be surprised if you laughed and threw this letter out, thinking it to be some sort of crude joke. Would you believe me if I said it wasn't?
It was so many years ago that after a brief meeting in the Botanic Garden we had to part forever. I'm sure you remember, I know I haven't gone a solitary day without thinking about it.
Lyra was crying. How dare someone write that letter and actually give it to her--
"Don't, Lyra," said Pan. "The letter said not to think it was a joke."
"But Pan! It can't be real, it can't. How could he get it to us?"
"Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it isn't real. Read the rest."
She continued:
If I still remember you well enough, I bet at this point you will be crying and refusing to believe this letter was actually written by who you think, and Pantalaimon will be telling you it's real… If you only do one other thing in your whole life, Lyra, please listen to Pan right now.
I'll explain everything. Come to the Botanic Garden tonight at midnight, and I promise you that you won't regret it.
Love always and forever,
Your Will.
"Oh, Pan," Lyra cried, sobbing into his fur. "How can it be real? How can it be real?"
"Maybe it is," Pantalaimon said. "Maybe it isn't. The only way we'll find out is if we go."
A/N: Lol that letter was just totally messed up. I can't write love letters, if you haven't noticed. Review!