Chapter 17: The Lovers (well, all right, Snoggers) are Discovered!

Mrs. Weasley was in hysterics. "What can he have been thinking!" she cried. "He knows he's not supposed to leave the house...what if he's gone out to try and defeat Voldemort by himself? You all know how ambitious he is...oh, we never had this problem with Bill or Charlie..." She collapsed on the couch, a mess of tears.

Mr. Weasley turned to the (sorry, Ron) children. "I think all the adults need to have a discussion," he said. They retreated silently.

"I'm not quite sure what we should do," he said. "If we leave, we're in danger. If we stay, we might be in danger. I'm thinking we should opt for possible danger over danger and stay here."

I nodded. So did Sirius and Remus. The three of us went upstairs.

Harry, Ginny, Fred, and George were sitting in Ginny's room. "Never thought he'd be this thick," said George.

"Never thought he'd break a rule, either," said Fred.

"We can't think about it too much," said Ginny in a high voice. "We've got to just do normal things, or we'll all go mad."

"She's right," said Sirius. "I saw it all the time in Azkaban. Dwell on the bad things, and you're finished."

Fred and George stood up. "Guess we'll go cause havoc and turmoil, then" Fred said.

"Wait a minute," Harry said when they had left, "where's Ron and Hermione?"

"Don't tell me they've left too!" cried Ginny.

"Let's look at the clock," I said.

The five of us raced downstairs and into the kitchen. The second we arrived, Sirius began to laugh. "What?" asked Remus.

Sirius pointed at the clock. The "Ron" and "Hermione" hands were pointed to, "Snogging Furiously On Ron's Bed".

Harry snorted. "I knew those two fancied each other!" he said.

"Oh, that's bright of you," said Ginny sarcastically.

"Do you suppose we ought to go and interrupt things before the hands change to 'Doing Things That Are None of Your Business'?" I asked.

"Yes, but subtly," said Remus. "Follow my lead." He climbed the stairs and we followed him. "I say, does anyone know where Hermione and Ron have gone to?" he said in a loud voice.

"Oh, that's subtle," muttered Sirius. Remus elbowed him.

"Perhaps they're having a serious and academic conversation," said Harry. Ginny went into convulsions.

The door to Ron's room burst open. "All right, very funny," said Ron, his face as red as his hair. Ginny and Harry collapsed in the stairwell, laughing uncontrollably.

"Don't worry, Ron, I sympathize," said Sirius.

"Hermione, it's safe, you can come out," called Remus. Hermione appeared a second later, her hair even more disheveled than usual. This, of course, made Harry and Ginny laugh even harder.

At Ginny's insistence, we decided to distract ourselves from the situation with Percy, and at Hermione and Remus's insistence, we all ended up watching "Moulin Rouge" on the DVD player that Mr. Weasley had bought, Fred and George included. Their presence made the movie particularly interesting.

"I don't recall Zidler having purple hair," said Sirius suspiciously.

"Well, he does now," said George.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!!!" Remus and Hermione screamed. "Ewan is singing."

Ginny was braiding Hermione's hair into cornrows, something she had learned from Lee Jordon. The end of each braid had gold and red Gryffindor beads.

I screeched.

"What!" shouted Ron, alarmed.

"Look at my nails! They're chipped!"

Sirius, Remus, Harry, Ron, Fred, and George let out a collective male groan.

Ginny pointed her wand at my nails. "Vernis Obliviate!" The old polish vanished.

"Thanks!" I said, a bit surprised.

"I've got some more polish in that box over there," Ginny said, pointing.

I selected a silvery shade called Pensieve. The second after it touched my nails, it dried. I looked back at the screen, where the Narcoleptic Argentinian was tangoing with an alligator in a ballet tutu. My eyes shot over to Fred and George.

Mr. Weasley stuck his head in the door. "Jo, your compuatater is making funny noises."

"I'll be right back," I said.

I had e-mail, I discovered.

Jo:

I should have known something like this was going to happen. Between the stress of pregnancy and the book, it's not your fault you're going a bit mental. Just tell me where you are and I'll come get you.

Lisa.

I angrily typed back.

Lisa:

I AM NOT MENTAL! I know it sounds that way, but I am really at The Burrow and Voldemort is really after me. If you've told Neil and Jessica that I've gone mad, I'll sic Remus on you some night when the moon is full.

Jo.

"That is, if I agree to be sicced," said Remus. "That reminds me...Sirius, I haven't taken the potion yet, could you make some for me?"

"The potion?" I asked.

"Dachsbane," Remus said. "We can brew it back where the others are, because I know Sirius would be so disappointed if he missed anymore of Ewan." He grinned. Sirius gave him the SBBQOYSOTCL.

We collected the ingredients and a cauldron, then went back upstairs to boil the potion with one of Hermione's jar flames.

Remus gulped it down. "God, I hate this stuff," he said.

"Well, it's better than turning into a mad weiner dog," Ron said. Sirius and Remus glared at him. "What? What did I say?" he protested.

"The term is dachshund," said Sirius coldly.

"Do you know," Remus said, "how embarrassing it is to be a gay man who turns into a WEINER DOG?!"

"Good thing it's not a hamster," Sirius said.

"SIRIUS!"

"Well, it could be worse."

At that moment, the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Rowena Ravenclaw, Witch, hopped across the room and landed at my feet. I picked it up, and the pages fluttered to page 8.

I read aloud. "R is above S in the alphabet, and that is how it shall always be."

"Look, Rowena," said Harry, "I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything, but for once could you give us a prophecy that isn't so bloody cryptic?"

The book flipped to page 322 and jumped into Harry's hand. He read, "Sorry, but no, I couldn't. You try writing coherent prophecies when you're in a trance, Salazar is sneaking snakes into the castle, Helga is trying frantically to teach, and Godric is sticking to his boyfriend like a magnet." It slammed shut again.

"R is above S...maybe it means we're never supposed to have sex with you on top," Remus said to Sirius.

"Um, that was a little too much information," said Hermione. Ginny was finishing the last cornrow.

The book flew into Remus's hands and flipped open. He read, "Sorry, but no. I really couldn't care less if you or Sirius is on top. No offense, dear, but I had better things to do than predict your sex life, thank you very much."

"Well, I should HOPE so," said Remus to the book as it shut.