Title: Broken Promises and New Beginnings
Rating: I wish I knew. I am putting it at PG-13 just because I don't know any better and would rather err on the safe side.
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
**********************************************************************
Obi-Wan looked down and met the knowing gaze of his new Master. Yoda cleared his throat and motioned for the young man to kneel. Obi-Wan obeyed.
"See him you must. Tell him good-bye, but answers to your questions do not expect. Knows them he does not. Go now. Shortly meet you at the departure bay I will."
Obi-Wan bowed smiling faintly hoping Yoda understood why he needed to see Qui-Gon even if he himself wasn't completely sure. As he made his way to what had once been their home for the last 12 years, he caught himself arguing with himself as to whether he was more sad or angry at his ex- master. With each step he felt his anger over his Master's betrayal growing within him. He remembered back five years when his master had made promises to never abandon him. His jaw clenched remembering the sincerity in his master's eyes. He remembered how much he had wanted to remain on Haven with his beloved, Saischel, but had chosen to trust his master one more time knowing somewhere deep within himself that Qui-Gon would fail him again. He wanted to hold on to this anger but as the door came into view Obi-Wan realized that returning to Qui-Gon had been his choice and that even though it hurt to be rejected it had not come as a complete surprise.
He paused at the entrance taking a deep breath to calm his twisting thoughts. No matter if the rejection had been expected or not Qui-Gon owed him an explanation. He should have to answer for the broken promise that he had made to a trusting Padawan. Reaching for his center he palmed the entrance pad of the door.
When the door opened he could hear Qui-Gon and Anakin's voices coming from Qui-Gon's bedroom. As he made his way towards the voices Obi-Wan glanced around the common room. Home, his home with all the comfortable trappings he and Qui-Gon had assembled over the last 12 years. The over stuffed chair he had purchased for his Master, the holos of the two of them at various events at the temple, bits and pieces of various models he was in the process of completing much to his Master's overtaxed patience. It looked like home and smelled like home but somehow no longer felt like home. He had left the room this morning as Qui-Gon Jinn's third Padawan but now no longer belonged either to Qui-Gon Jinn or his quarters.
A sick feeling formed in the pit of his stomach and he swallowed hard hoping to remove the lump which had developed in his throat. He reached the entrance to the bedroom. Casually he leaned against the doorway sadly watching as Qui-Gon packed various mementos and holos from his past. It reminded him of the packing he had done five years earlier when he had been forced to leave the Temple. He caught himself considering the irony of how this betrayal was forcing Qui-Gon to leave the temple instead of him. The differences of course paling the comparison since Qui-Gon would not be alone when he left and he was leaving of his own free will.
Qui-Gon was in the process of showing Anakin the holo taken of himself and Obi-Wan upon their return from Bandomeer when he caught a glimpse of Obi- Wan standing patiently in the doorway.
Anakin followed his gaze shouting "Ob-Wan! Guess what?" He bounded over to the young man bursting with excitement. "Master Qui-Gon and I are leaving the temple so that he can train me." Blue eyes alight with joy and excitement he seemed to scream of oblivious delight.
A wry smile curled the young man's mouth "Really Anakin. I am happy for you." He looked up from the boy his eyes meeting his Master's. Anakin sensed the sadness coming off of Obi-Wan in waves and looked back to his Master for reassurance.
"Anakin?" Qui-Gon asked with a faint twinkle in his eye his voice light but commanding, "Can you run down to the main level and ask for boxes from the main reception desk we passed?"
"Sure MASTER." Anakin smiled and bowed formally all doubt removed from his mind.
Anakin failed to notice the involuntary flinch from the young man standing next to him. Though Anakin had missed it Qui-Gon hadn't and it had felt like a knife in his heart. He had wounded Obi-Wan. It had not been his intention but the damage had been done anyway.
He once again tried to feel the other man through their bond but found it cold and closed. It was as if the ends were beginning to pull apart. He felt a mild panic at the thought of no longer having Obi-Wan's quick silver in his mind. He reached deeper but could not break through the shields that had been erected in order to keep him out or to keep Obi-Wan's thoughts in. Knowing how protective of him Obi-Wan had been in the past he presumed it was probably a bit of both.
Once Anakin left the two men alone there was an uneasy silence between them. So many questions it seemed there was no good place to start so silence ruled over them both.
Finally unable to put it off any longer Qui-Gon cleared his throat. "So what happened after I left?" Qui-Gon asked turning back to his packing.
Obi-Wan smiled bitterly "I was expelled from the Temple." He watched closely to see what Qui-Gon's reaction would be. He was surprised to see outrage and shock fill the older man's eyes.
Qui-Gon's head jerked up as his heart leapt into his throat. "NO." he hissed longing to rush to his Padawan's side. He stared into those brilliant green eyes trying to gauge what his Padawan was feeling.
Finally a small shake of Obi-Wan's head helped Qui-Gon to begin breathing once more. "No." Obi-Wan shook his head," No they didn't expel me but they could have." He paused letting Qui-Gon see how his actions could have destroyed his Padawan's dream of ever being a knight of the order.
Obi-Wan didn't know how to tell the rest without causing the man pain. He was angry at Qui-Gon but it wasn't in him to ever willfully hurt another. How do you tell someone that you have been saved by the declaration of their death, a resurrection at another's execution? Taking a deep breath he slowly let it out seeking his center before proceeding. In a voice barely above a whisper Obi-Wan continued, "Master Yoda declared you dead to the order and agreed to be my Master in your stead. " Obi-Wan suddenly felt very weary. He made his way to the edge of his Master's bed and sat down.
He hadn't been on his Master's bed since he was 17 and had been so sick with Thalorian Flu. His Master had brought him into his bigger bed and never left his side. He had brought him soup and rubbed his aching arms and legs. He had read him volumes of poetry and told him stories of Jedi lore. Finally the fever and sickness had subsided. Obi-Wan let out a shaking breath as he relived the memories of his Master caring for him. A single tear made a path down his cheek and fell upon the simple quilt he sat upon.
He heard Qui-Gon chuckling softly as he sorted through junk and treasures. Obi-Wan quickly wiped the moisture from his face before his Master would notice. He stared up thinking perhaps the man had gone mad. What could he possibly find humorous about being declared dead.
"That was a cruel little trick." Another chuckle as he looked up briefly then returned to his sorting. "Expelled from the temple." Qui-Gon sighed and smiled placing new found treasures into a box.
"Cruel?' There was a hint of disbelief and then a laugh that held no humor. "Cruel?" Obi-Wan asked again his tone laced with a bitterness Qui-Gon had never heard Obi-Wan before use.
Qui-Gon looked up stopping in his task and cocked his head.
"You think that was cruel?" Obi-Wan asked standing once more and moving towards his ex-Master.
Qui-Gon nodded realizing that his attempt at teasing had fallen short. He started backpedaling in his mind unable to imagine such bitterness in his apprentice.
"Well I guess you would know MASTER." Obi-Wan's voice thick with sarcasm as he attempted to match Anakin's inflection from earlier, " Any Master who would reject his BELOVED Padawan twice should have a fairly good grasp of cruelty."
Qui-Gon's mouth had gone dry.
//Force! // The realization of his actions pounded down into him and squeezed his heart till it ached. He suddenly found himself lost five years in the past. Hearing the hollow promises he had made to both Obi-Wan and his beloved Saischel echoing in his mind as he struggled to convince his Padawan to fight for his own life and choose to return. He heard his own words coming back at him.
{Except my love for you, Obi-Wan - and my vow that I'll spend the rest of my life making up to you for the wrong I've done.}
// The rest of my life? Five years? No I promised the rest of my life.// His mind reeled. He could still see the lovely young woman stolen from his Padawan by an evil scheme. //She told me I would do this to him and she had been right. She told me that I didn't love him enough // He could still her voice echoing the words with certainty.
{I know - as he knows - that you will one day believe that you have no choice but to abandon him }
He had felt angry at the doubts that the woman had cast upon his sincerity but now it was him feeling like the fool. She had seen it and known. She had known that he would hurt her beloved Obi-Wan again and had still allowed him to have a place in her beloved's life. Now he had fulfilled her sorrowful prophecy. He had rejected her beautiful young warrior again. He had cast him away without a thought of all that he had meant to him as a student and friend in pursuit of his own force destiny.
There were no words he could say. He had no voice. He continued to stare into Obi-Wan's grief stricken face watching as tears spilled over green- gray eyes cascaded down his cheeks.
He tasted something salty on his lips and realized he too was crying. Theirs wasn't a grief marked by mournful cries or physical outburst, but a silent anguish that comes from the deepest betrayal and brokenness within. A void had opened between them one so deep that neither had the strength to forge.
"I knew this day would come," Obi-Wan began never taking his eyes from Qui- Gon's," I hoped that it wouldn't but knew that it would. But even knowing it would come I never could see or understand why it would come. Why Qui- Gon? Was I not what you wanted in a Padawan? Was I too slow? Too needy? Too insecure? Too demanding? Too irresponsible? Too stupid? Too disappointing? Where was my failure? I almost missed being selected as a Padawan, then to be thrown away for a cloning nightmare and now for a slave boy-"
It had happened in an instant. Obi-Wan had been force pushed against the wall. He was unable to move. His sorrow replaced by surprise and dismay. He struggled against the invisible hands that held him tight. Qui-Gon moved with rapid speed pressing his face close to his ex-Padawan. His guilt and sadness pushed aside suddenly by protectiveness for his new Padawan.
"Never call him that. Do you understand?" Speaking through clenched teeth his face harden in rage he wound Obi-Wan's Padawan braid around his hand pulling it painfully down in order to bring the man's face closer to his. Obi-Wan stared at him in horror.
"He is the Chosen One." Qui-Gon continued ignoring the waves of shock and terror radiating from the one he held," You may call him Anakin or The Chosen One. You may call him Padawan Skywalker or Obi-Wan Kenobi's Replacement, but don't you EVER call him a slave. Do you understand?'
His eyes wide with shock he couldn't breathe. He felt his master's breath hot on his skin. Obi-Wan felt his stomach turning suddenly as the overwhelming grief threatened to overcome him. Could this be his Master, the same Master who had cared for him and trained him, who had begged him to return only five short years before? Who was this man so full of rage and yet he had seen this same protectiveness before. He had seen it in infirmaries and warring against anyone coming against him. He had never been on the receiving end of Qui-Gon's fight only the beneficiary of it. Now he was the enemy and Anakin- he couldn't finish the thought. It was too painful. It was unreal.
Devoid of the strength to continue in this confrontation he meekly nodded eyes lowering to the floor. It was his last act of obedience. He was released as suddenly as he had been seized. He stumbled forward into the larger man's chest.
Qui-Gon still holding his braid used it to push the man off of him and towards the door. "Get out!" It was an order. Obi-Wan's legs threatened to buckle beneath him as he turned to leave.
As he reached the door he turned back looking at Qui-Gon over his shoulder. "And where is my defender?" He asked never expecting an answer.
He glanced down at the floor then turned back to the man who had been his mentor. "Sometimes I think it would have been better for me if you had just left me on Bandomeer 12 years ago." The tears threatened again but he refused to let him fall in the face of Qui-Gon's fury.
The older man obviously confused by his violent reaction was struggling to get his rage under control. He realized he was failing miserably to do so. He sighed lost in his own feelings of frustration and failing and drove in the final nail. "You'll never know how many times I wish I had." The words were out before he could stop them.
The younger man froze a shocked gasp escaping his lips. He turned his storm sea eyes swimming with unshed tears and locked them with his master's heated gaze. Shaking his head he spoke. His voice so weak and defeated he didn't recognize it at first.
"I always wondered that you know?" Qui-Gon had to strain to hear the other man's words. "I always knew that you never really wanted me. It all makes sense now. Thank you for your honesty Master Jinn. I wish you and Padawan Skywalker a safe journey."
He forced himself to lift his chin in defiance and to straighten his shoulders. He was surprised that his legs held him up as he made his way out of the quarters. He never looked back just continued on through the door and down to the departure bay.
He had always felt that he had not been wanted. He had always known that he had been a burden to his master. Now the truth was out. It had hurt but had at the same time been liberating. No more having to prove anything to anyone. He was Obi-Wan Kenobi, Agri Corps escapee, Jedi Padawan, Padawan to Master Yoda, disowned Padawan of Qui-Gon Jinn. Somehow knowing that Qui-Gon was finally free of him, that the master was no longer weighed down with an unwanted student, made it easier to accept what had just happened.
Obi-Wan's mind was finally wrapping around the reality. In his heart Qui- Gon Jinn was truly dead.
Qui-Gon sat heavily upon his bed. What had just happened? He had no idea what had just happened. He had meant to explain and comfort but instead had managed to destroy the young man further.
He had been insulted by the anger and sarcasm, the attack upon his young helpless Padawan, the questioning of his authority to make such decisions, but nothing could stand as a justification for what he had done to Obi-Wan. Rage where had that rage come from? He had turned on Obi-Wan and this betrayal seemed more damaging than any other. He stared blankly at the wall where he had pinned his student. He had warned him, ordered him to behave as if he had been a child. Obi-Wan was not a child anymore. He had come so far.
He thought back to the young boy he had reluctantly accepted as his Padawan. The first few weeks of their bonding had been marked by Obi-Wan's desperate attempts to win his Master's heart only to discover that his master had no heart left to win. It had taken twelve years of reassurance and support to undo the first lousy weeks of their relationship and he had destroyed everything with one sentence. The man's face froze in shock and horror. Horror at the words he had used. Shock that he had lashed out at the one he had wanted to hurt the least.
He could still feel the words on the tip of his tongue. They felt bitter and sour like lies always do. One thoughtless selfish sentence had confirmed all of Obi-Wan's deepest and darkest fears. It had been painful watching the boy now man struggle for all those long years to feel worthy of being Master Jinn's Padawan. All those times he had tried to help him feel accepted but now all those words of praise and encouragement would feel like a lie to the young man. In despair he wondered if the young man would ever be able to truly discern truth from lie again in his life. Would he ever trust again? Qui-Gon shook his head sadly. He felt emotionally exhausted.
"Master Qui-Gon Sir?" Qui-Gon had not heard Anakin return. "Where is Obi- Wan?"
Qui-Gon turned his gaze away from the wall where he had been staring.
"Gone.' He stated firmly and knew truer words had never been spoken.
**** The lines that you find in { } are direct quotes from An Untimely Frost that is mentioned in the disclaimer. There was no topping them so I didn't even try. They just were too perfect.
I tried to break it up more into smaller paragraphs. I hope it wasn't too much. I will get better. I am still trying to work on the facial expression descriptions. That may take me more time to get the hang of. I really appreciate everyone's encouragement and comments. Thanks for the helpful critiques. I appreciate the constructiveness of them as well as the understanding tone. I am so glad you guys are enjoying this. It is just such a thrill for me to know that you are.
Rating: I wish I knew. I am putting it at PG-13 just because I don't know any better and would rather err on the safe side.
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
**********************************************************************
Obi-Wan looked down and met the knowing gaze of his new Master. Yoda cleared his throat and motioned for the young man to kneel. Obi-Wan obeyed.
"See him you must. Tell him good-bye, but answers to your questions do not expect. Knows them he does not. Go now. Shortly meet you at the departure bay I will."
Obi-Wan bowed smiling faintly hoping Yoda understood why he needed to see Qui-Gon even if he himself wasn't completely sure. As he made his way to what had once been their home for the last 12 years, he caught himself arguing with himself as to whether he was more sad or angry at his ex- master. With each step he felt his anger over his Master's betrayal growing within him. He remembered back five years when his master had made promises to never abandon him. His jaw clenched remembering the sincerity in his master's eyes. He remembered how much he had wanted to remain on Haven with his beloved, Saischel, but had chosen to trust his master one more time knowing somewhere deep within himself that Qui-Gon would fail him again. He wanted to hold on to this anger but as the door came into view Obi-Wan realized that returning to Qui-Gon had been his choice and that even though it hurt to be rejected it had not come as a complete surprise.
He paused at the entrance taking a deep breath to calm his twisting thoughts. No matter if the rejection had been expected or not Qui-Gon owed him an explanation. He should have to answer for the broken promise that he had made to a trusting Padawan. Reaching for his center he palmed the entrance pad of the door.
When the door opened he could hear Qui-Gon and Anakin's voices coming from Qui-Gon's bedroom. As he made his way towards the voices Obi-Wan glanced around the common room. Home, his home with all the comfortable trappings he and Qui-Gon had assembled over the last 12 years. The over stuffed chair he had purchased for his Master, the holos of the two of them at various events at the temple, bits and pieces of various models he was in the process of completing much to his Master's overtaxed patience. It looked like home and smelled like home but somehow no longer felt like home. He had left the room this morning as Qui-Gon Jinn's third Padawan but now no longer belonged either to Qui-Gon Jinn or his quarters.
A sick feeling formed in the pit of his stomach and he swallowed hard hoping to remove the lump which had developed in his throat. He reached the entrance to the bedroom. Casually he leaned against the doorway sadly watching as Qui-Gon packed various mementos and holos from his past. It reminded him of the packing he had done five years earlier when he had been forced to leave the Temple. He caught himself considering the irony of how this betrayal was forcing Qui-Gon to leave the temple instead of him. The differences of course paling the comparison since Qui-Gon would not be alone when he left and he was leaving of his own free will.
Qui-Gon was in the process of showing Anakin the holo taken of himself and Obi-Wan upon their return from Bandomeer when he caught a glimpse of Obi- Wan standing patiently in the doorway.
Anakin followed his gaze shouting "Ob-Wan! Guess what?" He bounded over to the young man bursting with excitement. "Master Qui-Gon and I are leaving the temple so that he can train me." Blue eyes alight with joy and excitement he seemed to scream of oblivious delight.
A wry smile curled the young man's mouth "Really Anakin. I am happy for you." He looked up from the boy his eyes meeting his Master's. Anakin sensed the sadness coming off of Obi-Wan in waves and looked back to his Master for reassurance.
"Anakin?" Qui-Gon asked with a faint twinkle in his eye his voice light but commanding, "Can you run down to the main level and ask for boxes from the main reception desk we passed?"
"Sure MASTER." Anakin smiled and bowed formally all doubt removed from his mind.
Anakin failed to notice the involuntary flinch from the young man standing next to him. Though Anakin had missed it Qui-Gon hadn't and it had felt like a knife in his heart. He had wounded Obi-Wan. It had not been his intention but the damage had been done anyway.
He once again tried to feel the other man through their bond but found it cold and closed. It was as if the ends were beginning to pull apart. He felt a mild panic at the thought of no longer having Obi-Wan's quick silver in his mind. He reached deeper but could not break through the shields that had been erected in order to keep him out or to keep Obi-Wan's thoughts in. Knowing how protective of him Obi-Wan had been in the past he presumed it was probably a bit of both.
Once Anakin left the two men alone there was an uneasy silence between them. So many questions it seemed there was no good place to start so silence ruled over them both.
Finally unable to put it off any longer Qui-Gon cleared his throat. "So what happened after I left?" Qui-Gon asked turning back to his packing.
Obi-Wan smiled bitterly "I was expelled from the Temple." He watched closely to see what Qui-Gon's reaction would be. He was surprised to see outrage and shock fill the older man's eyes.
Qui-Gon's head jerked up as his heart leapt into his throat. "NO." he hissed longing to rush to his Padawan's side. He stared into those brilliant green eyes trying to gauge what his Padawan was feeling.
Finally a small shake of Obi-Wan's head helped Qui-Gon to begin breathing once more. "No." Obi-Wan shook his head," No they didn't expel me but they could have." He paused letting Qui-Gon see how his actions could have destroyed his Padawan's dream of ever being a knight of the order.
Obi-Wan didn't know how to tell the rest without causing the man pain. He was angry at Qui-Gon but it wasn't in him to ever willfully hurt another. How do you tell someone that you have been saved by the declaration of their death, a resurrection at another's execution? Taking a deep breath he slowly let it out seeking his center before proceeding. In a voice barely above a whisper Obi-Wan continued, "Master Yoda declared you dead to the order and agreed to be my Master in your stead. " Obi-Wan suddenly felt very weary. He made his way to the edge of his Master's bed and sat down.
He hadn't been on his Master's bed since he was 17 and had been so sick with Thalorian Flu. His Master had brought him into his bigger bed and never left his side. He had brought him soup and rubbed his aching arms and legs. He had read him volumes of poetry and told him stories of Jedi lore. Finally the fever and sickness had subsided. Obi-Wan let out a shaking breath as he relived the memories of his Master caring for him. A single tear made a path down his cheek and fell upon the simple quilt he sat upon.
He heard Qui-Gon chuckling softly as he sorted through junk and treasures. Obi-Wan quickly wiped the moisture from his face before his Master would notice. He stared up thinking perhaps the man had gone mad. What could he possibly find humorous about being declared dead.
"That was a cruel little trick." Another chuckle as he looked up briefly then returned to his sorting. "Expelled from the temple." Qui-Gon sighed and smiled placing new found treasures into a box.
"Cruel?' There was a hint of disbelief and then a laugh that held no humor. "Cruel?" Obi-Wan asked again his tone laced with a bitterness Qui-Gon had never heard Obi-Wan before use.
Qui-Gon looked up stopping in his task and cocked his head.
"You think that was cruel?" Obi-Wan asked standing once more and moving towards his ex-Master.
Qui-Gon nodded realizing that his attempt at teasing had fallen short. He started backpedaling in his mind unable to imagine such bitterness in his apprentice.
"Well I guess you would know MASTER." Obi-Wan's voice thick with sarcasm as he attempted to match Anakin's inflection from earlier, " Any Master who would reject his BELOVED Padawan twice should have a fairly good grasp of cruelty."
Qui-Gon's mouth had gone dry.
//Force! // The realization of his actions pounded down into him and squeezed his heart till it ached. He suddenly found himself lost five years in the past. Hearing the hollow promises he had made to both Obi-Wan and his beloved Saischel echoing in his mind as he struggled to convince his Padawan to fight for his own life and choose to return. He heard his own words coming back at him.
{Except my love for you, Obi-Wan - and my vow that I'll spend the rest of my life making up to you for the wrong I've done.}
// The rest of my life? Five years? No I promised the rest of my life.// His mind reeled. He could still see the lovely young woman stolen from his Padawan by an evil scheme. //She told me I would do this to him and she had been right. She told me that I didn't love him enough // He could still her voice echoing the words with certainty.
{I know - as he knows - that you will one day believe that you have no choice but to abandon him }
He had felt angry at the doubts that the woman had cast upon his sincerity but now it was him feeling like the fool. She had seen it and known. She had known that he would hurt her beloved Obi-Wan again and had still allowed him to have a place in her beloved's life. Now he had fulfilled her sorrowful prophecy. He had rejected her beautiful young warrior again. He had cast him away without a thought of all that he had meant to him as a student and friend in pursuit of his own force destiny.
There were no words he could say. He had no voice. He continued to stare into Obi-Wan's grief stricken face watching as tears spilled over green- gray eyes cascaded down his cheeks.
He tasted something salty on his lips and realized he too was crying. Theirs wasn't a grief marked by mournful cries or physical outburst, but a silent anguish that comes from the deepest betrayal and brokenness within. A void had opened between them one so deep that neither had the strength to forge.
"I knew this day would come," Obi-Wan began never taking his eyes from Qui- Gon's," I hoped that it wouldn't but knew that it would. But even knowing it would come I never could see or understand why it would come. Why Qui- Gon? Was I not what you wanted in a Padawan? Was I too slow? Too needy? Too insecure? Too demanding? Too irresponsible? Too stupid? Too disappointing? Where was my failure? I almost missed being selected as a Padawan, then to be thrown away for a cloning nightmare and now for a slave boy-"
It had happened in an instant. Obi-Wan had been force pushed against the wall. He was unable to move. His sorrow replaced by surprise and dismay. He struggled against the invisible hands that held him tight. Qui-Gon moved with rapid speed pressing his face close to his ex-Padawan. His guilt and sadness pushed aside suddenly by protectiveness for his new Padawan.
"Never call him that. Do you understand?" Speaking through clenched teeth his face harden in rage he wound Obi-Wan's Padawan braid around his hand pulling it painfully down in order to bring the man's face closer to his. Obi-Wan stared at him in horror.
"He is the Chosen One." Qui-Gon continued ignoring the waves of shock and terror radiating from the one he held," You may call him Anakin or The Chosen One. You may call him Padawan Skywalker or Obi-Wan Kenobi's Replacement, but don't you EVER call him a slave. Do you understand?'
His eyes wide with shock he couldn't breathe. He felt his master's breath hot on his skin. Obi-Wan felt his stomach turning suddenly as the overwhelming grief threatened to overcome him. Could this be his Master, the same Master who had cared for him and trained him, who had begged him to return only five short years before? Who was this man so full of rage and yet he had seen this same protectiveness before. He had seen it in infirmaries and warring against anyone coming against him. He had never been on the receiving end of Qui-Gon's fight only the beneficiary of it. Now he was the enemy and Anakin- he couldn't finish the thought. It was too painful. It was unreal.
Devoid of the strength to continue in this confrontation he meekly nodded eyes lowering to the floor. It was his last act of obedience. He was released as suddenly as he had been seized. He stumbled forward into the larger man's chest.
Qui-Gon still holding his braid used it to push the man off of him and towards the door. "Get out!" It was an order. Obi-Wan's legs threatened to buckle beneath him as he turned to leave.
As he reached the door he turned back looking at Qui-Gon over his shoulder. "And where is my defender?" He asked never expecting an answer.
He glanced down at the floor then turned back to the man who had been his mentor. "Sometimes I think it would have been better for me if you had just left me on Bandomeer 12 years ago." The tears threatened again but he refused to let him fall in the face of Qui-Gon's fury.
The older man obviously confused by his violent reaction was struggling to get his rage under control. He realized he was failing miserably to do so. He sighed lost in his own feelings of frustration and failing and drove in the final nail. "You'll never know how many times I wish I had." The words were out before he could stop them.
The younger man froze a shocked gasp escaping his lips. He turned his storm sea eyes swimming with unshed tears and locked them with his master's heated gaze. Shaking his head he spoke. His voice so weak and defeated he didn't recognize it at first.
"I always wondered that you know?" Qui-Gon had to strain to hear the other man's words. "I always knew that you never really wanted me. It all makes sense now. Thank you for your honesty Master Jinn. I wish you and Padawan Skywalker a safe journey."
He forced himself to lift his chin in defiance and to straighten his shoulders. He was surprised that his legs held him up as he made his way out of the quarters. He never looked back just continued on through the door and down to the departure bay.
He had always felt that he had not been wanted. He had always known that he had been a burden to his master. Now the truth was out. It had hurt but had at the same time been liberating. No more having to prove anything to anyone. He was Obi-Wan Kenobi, Agri Corps escapee, Jedi Padawan, Padawan to Master Yoda, disowned Padawan of Qui-Gon Jinn. Somehow knowing that Qui-Gon was finally free of him, that the master was no longer weighed down with an unwanted student, made it easier to accept what had just happened.
Obi-Wan's mind was finally wrapping around the reality. In his heart Qui- Gon Jinn was truly dead.
Qui-Gon sat heavily upon his bed. What had just happened? He had no idea what had just happened. He had meant to explain and comfort but instead had managed to destroy the young man further.
He had been insulted by the anger and sarcasm, the attack upon his young helpless Padawan, the questioning of his authority to make such decisions, but nothing could stand as a justification for what he had done to Obi-Wan. Rage where had that rage come from? He had turned on Obi-Wan and this betrayal seemed more damaging than any other. He stared blankly at the wall where he had pinned his student. He had warned him, ordered him to behave as if he had been a child. Obi-Wan was not a child anymore. He had come so far.
He thought back to the young boy he had reluctantly accepted as his Padawan. The first few weeks of their bonding had been marked by Obi-Wan's desperate attempts to win his Master's heart only to discover that his master had no heart left to win. It had taken twelve years of reassurance and support to undo the first lousy weeks of their relationship and he had destroyed everything with one sentence. The man's face froze in shock and horror. Horror at the words he had used. Shock that he had lashed out at the one he had wanted to hurt the least.
He could still feel the words on the tip of his tongue. They felt bitter and sour like lies always do. One thoughtless selfish sentence had confirmed all of Obi-Wan's deepest and darkest fears. It had been painful watching the boy now man struggle for all those long years to feel worthy of being Master Jinn's Padawan. All those times he had tried to help him feel accepted but now all those words of praise and encouragement would feel like a lie to the young man. In despair he wondered if the young man would ever be able to truly discern truth from lie again in his life. Would he ever trust again? Qui-Gon shook his head sadly. He felt emotionally exhausted.
"Master Qui-Gon Sir?" Qui-Gon had not heard Anakin return. "Where is Obi- Wan?"
Qui-Gon turned his gaze away from the wall where he had been staring.
"Gone.' He stated firmly and knew truer words had never been spoken.
**** The lines that you find in { } are direct quotes from An Untimely Frost that is mentioned in the disclaimer. There was no topping them so I didn't even try. They just were too perfect.
I tried to break it up more into smaller paragraphs. I hope it wasn't too much. I will get better. I am still trying to work on the facial expression descriptions. That may take me more time to get the hang of. I really appreciate everyone's encouragement and comments. Thanks for the helpful critiques. I appreciate the constructiveness of them as well as the understanding tone. I am so glad you guys are enjoying this. It is just such a thrill for me to know that you are.