Title: Broken Promises and New Beginnings
Rating: I wish I knew. I am putting it at PG-13 just because I don't know any better and would rather err on the safe side.
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
****************************************************************
The Victory Gala following the parade had promised to be a grand celebration and it had not disappointed. The preparations for the affair had been hurriedly thrown together. It never ceased to amaze Obi-Wan how planetary governments took weeks to settle petty disputes but could manage to throw together an elaborate party in mere hours. He sighed as he watched the various Nubian and Gungan leaders laughing and congratulating one another on the success of their plan. He shook his head moving further out onto the balcony away from the ballroom. The music was beautiful and he closed his eyes allowing it to carry him away from the laughter and whispering around him. The soft swish of a formal gown caused Obi-Wan to reach out with the force.
"Good evening Your Majesty." He greeted without opening his eyes.
"I'm impressed. " She teased.
"Years of formal galas have conditioned me to recognize the sound of a royal gown coming my way." The both laughed as he opened his eyes. She looked radiant in the moonlight. "I see many officials congratulating themselves on the brilliance of their strategy in overcoming the invasion." His voice was sarcastic as he motioned to the crowd of men in the far corner.
"Yes well." She regarded them and then turned back to the young Jedi. "It matters little who gets credit for the victory as long as the ultimate outcome was indeed a success."
He marveled at her generosity and security. He knew she was right, but at the same time she had to be on guard. In the aftermath of any conflict there were always opportunistic individuals ready to seize power at all cost. Obi-Wan caught himself eyeing the group of men with a scowl. He suddenly felt very protective of the young Queen. Sensing this she placed her hand upon his arm and led him further out onto the balcony and away from the crowd.
"Let's slip away for a moment and enjoy this beautiful night." Obi-Wan smiled fully aware of what she was doing. He retracted his scowl and replaced it instead with a humor filled smile as he allowed himself to be led away .
"Where is Master Yoda?" She asked as she stared out over the gardens which were shrouded in darkness beneath them.
"He left an hour or so ago. He needed time to meditate. The warrior we fought left him with questions and concerns." He wasn't sure how much he should reveal to the Queen. So much about the darkness was elusive. No reason to burden her with thoughts that may never come to pass.
"He looked very-" She paused as she searched for the right word, "intimidating." She finally decided.
Obi-Wan laughed softly. 'Yes Your Majesty, I must admit I found him intimidating as well." They both smiled.
"Padme." She offered once again as she brought her hand to his arm. "My name is Padme. That is what my friends call me. After all that you have done for me and Naboo I hope that you will always consider me a friend." Her smile was genuine.
"Thank you Padme. I too hope to always be counted among your allies. My friends call me Obi-Wan." She nodded and seemed to blush a bit. He couldn't be sure though in the faint light coming from the ballroom.
"It is unfortunate that Master Jinn wasn't able to be here to share in our celebration." She immediately noticed that the young man beside her stiffened at the sound of the name. Padme wished that she could take her words back. She had suspected from the first that there had been more to Master Yoda's assignment to her escort than had first been revealed.
"Obi-Wan?" She asked when he had failed to respond to her comment.
Obi-Wan continued to stare out over the gardens. It was obvious that he was struggling to control his emotions. She patiently waited for him to regain his serenity.
"Yes. It is very unfortunate." His words were flat and emphatic.
"Do you wish to talk about it? " She offered gently. "I know we haven't known each other long but I do consider myself your friend and want to help if I can." He turned to her. She had not missed the unshed tears which he had suddenly banished. He sighed. He did feel like she was someone he could talk to but now was not the time or the place.
"Tonight is a night for joy and celebration Padme. As your friend I would never intrude on such a rare and glorious occasion." His gaze never left her and though she could see the sincerity in his eyes there was something else there as well. It was pain. It was then that she realized that she was in the presence of one who truly put the needs of others before his own. It moved her that one so burdened would be able to see beyond his own suffering and actually care about her joy. She determined that she would make it her goal to insure that this man enjoyed the festivities a long side her whether he liked it or not. She smiled at him. He thought there was something conspiring about that smile but decided to let it pass.
"I have to admit Obi-Wan that you have slightly offended me." Her voice became serious. Obi-Wan furrowed his brow in concern.
"Padme I have no idea what I have done but please know that I would never-"
She laughed and interrupted his formal apology. "You have failed to ask me to dance with you." She offered her hand. He met her smile and took the proffered hand.
"I fear that my feet will offend you greater, but you seem a woman who enjoys overcoming hardship." The both laughed and made their way out to the center of the ballroom.
Having danced with royalty on the various diplomatic missions that he and Qui-Gon had served on he was at ease with the eyes of so many upon them. He placed his right hand lightly upon her lower back as she smiled up at him. The music swept them away and transported the young man away from his heavy heart and into the light that shone in the young Queen's eyes. She was so young. He marveled that one so young could bear up so well under the weight of such responsibility.
Padme caught herself on more than one occasion staring dreamily into the young Jedi's eyes. She had always thought that they were green but now she saw that they were a very light blue. They were warm and tender as they held her. She knew that he was looking upon her with the endearment of an older brother to a little sister. That was appropriate given her age, but in the back of her mind she comforted herself with the knowledge that time would pass and one day she would no longer be the child he thought her to be. One day in the future perhaps at another celebration she would lose herself in those eyes again and possibly he would be lost in hers. She smiled up at him.
"I wonder what you are thinking?" Obi-Wan teased.
"Want to guess?" She asked hiding the alarm in her voice. She knew Jedi could read thoughts. Had Obi-Wan just read hers? She blushed and looked away for a moment thankful for the makeup she was wearing.
"Sure." He paused as he drew her closer navigating them around two other couples, "You are wondering how long it will take for your feet to recover."
"Nope. Guess again." She challenged relaxing a bit.
"You are wishing that Jar Jar was your partner instead of a clumsy old Padawan."
She imagined what it would be like to dance with the accident prone Gungan. She giggled. He found the sound of it enchanting and rewarded her with an adoring grin. It was then that her heart fluttered and she immediately tried to make her laugh sound more mature. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at her efforts. He seemed a bit confused by her actions assuming that she felt it undignified for a Queen to giggle. When he glanced down at her again it appeared that perhaps she was blushing.
They talked about the music, the dance steps, the upcoming trade negotiations as he whirled her around the floor. They moved beautifully together. Padme had noticed more than one approving look from the various clusters of Nubians standing on the sidelines. She hated that everything she did was constantly on display. She realized that it was an expected consequence of her position but it didn't mean that she had to like it. She wanted to be with Obi-Wan without being under the surveillance of so many prying eyes. Her stomach growled quietly as they came by the orchestra. She had hardly had a moment to actually eat at the formal dinner. She usually ate a small meal prior to such events in order to insure that she did get some nourishment, but with all the rushed preparations she had overlooked her preemptive meal. She remembered seeing Obi-Wan at the dinner as well. He and Master Yoda had been the center of attention as well. Venturing a guess she tightened her grip on his hand in order to gain his attention.
"Are you hungry?" She asked.
Obi-Wan was starving. He had had so many people trying to engage him at dinner he had been unable to finish any of his food. Experience had taught him to always include nutrient bars in his pack for just such incidents. It was a fairly common occurrence. He had planned on devouring a few once he returned to his quarters for the night. He looked at Padme a tinkle of mischief in his eye. He was hoping she had something better in mind. In fact almost anything would be better than nutrient bars.
"As a matter of fact I am." He confessed smiling and putting on a famished look on his face. She smiled up at him and mirrored his look.
"Good. I need to touch base with a few more individuals then let's sneak off to the kitchen and see what we can find." He nodded and started moving them off of the dance floor. As soon as they reached the edge Senator Palpatine called out to them both.
"Queen Amidala. Knight Kenobi." They turned in response to his voice. "There you both are." He was making his way over to them.
"He is one of those bases." Padme whispered and Obi-Wan nodded turning to face the man.
"It's Padawan Kenobi, Senator Palpatine. I have yet to be knighted." Obi- Wan corrected politely.
"Yes with Yoda now as your Master isn't that right? The Senate was quite a buzz with the shocking resignation of your Master Jinn. " The man shook his head in sorrow though Obi-Wan sensed no sincerity behind it. Obi-Wan bowed his head to the Senator in acknowledgement turning his gaze temporarily to meet Padme's. Their eyes met.
/So that was it./ Padme thought,/ He left the order. He left you./ She gave him a sympathetic smile. His reaction surprised her as she watched what had been a warm gaze suddenly become cold. He stiffened and turned his gaze back to the Senator.
"Was there something that you required of me?" Obi-Wan asked Palpatine in a curt manner.
"I merely wanted to thank you my dear boy for all that you did in helping our people." He delighted in the impact his previous statement had had on the boy's demeanor. He filed this information to be used later. He pasted the syrup sweet smile on his face and continued to stare at the boy.
"I assure you Senator Palpatine that Queen Amidala is the one who is responsible for this turn of events. Her courage and ingenuity saved her people. My Master and I were only too happy to lend any assistance that we could. It is an honor to serve the Queen and her people. " He bowed once more to the Senator before turning back to Padme.
"Your Majesty thank of for the dance. I believe that the events of the last two days are catching up to me. I will be retiring for the evening. Thank you again. I had a delightful time." He took her hand and brought it to his lips.
Padme smiled politely but was crying out inside. /No don't run away. Stay and talk to me. / She felt his lips warm and soft against her hand. She felt a shiver run through her and did her best to suppress it. "Of course Jedi Kenobi I too had a wonderful time as well. I had hoped to keep you at my side longer-" She paused hoping he would offer to stay but he remained silent. "but naturally understand your fatigue. Sleep well." He smiled tightly and made his way through the crowd to the exit.
She watched him go. How had things changed so suddenly? One moment she had been in his arms his warm eyes gazing down on her the next those eyes had turned cold and hard. She turned back to the Senator. Inside she was seething at the inconsideration of this man before her. How could he have blurted out such painful news without even a thought of how Obi-Wan would react? She swallowed her anger and planted an impassive expression on her face.
"Did you need to speak with me Senator?" Her voice was hard and official.
"No not really Your Highness. I just wanted to thank you for your efforts in securing our planet's future as well as honoring us with this wonderful celebration. " She nodded to him conveying her appreciation for his comments.
/That's it?/ She railed from within /You approached me for that?/ As she watched the man walk away she started to wonder if he had purposely sought out Obi-Wan to hurt him. /Surely not./ She thought / He could never be that cruel./ Her mind refused to let go of the idea though and as she silently took stock of what the Senator had revealed concerning Master Jinn's abandonment of Obi-Wan she started to believe that perhaps some people were naturally cruel.
*******
Qui-Gon made his way through the serving line on the transport. He winced a bit and once again sent a silent hope out into the force that the food would taste better than it smelled. He felt Anakin pressed close behind him. He glanced down at the boy. He noticed the look of apprehension on his face. He nervously stared at the other travelers who stood in line around them. He had never noticed the fear in the boy. He remembered what Yoda had told him concerning Anakin's feelings but he had passed it off as normal. What nine year old wouldn't be afraid standing before the almighty Jedi Council? Now though he realized that the fear was deeper and more prevalent than he had first believed. This was something that he would need to meditate upon and hope that the force would show him a way to guide the boy free from it.
Qui-Gon and Anakin made their way over to a table. Once seated Qui-Gon regarded the boy and realized he was still glancing about nervously.
"Anakin." His voice drew the boy's attention back to him. "Is something troubling you?" He placed his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands.
"No Sir Master Qui-Gon Sir." Anakin replied turning his attention to his plate of food and avoiding the Master's eyes.
"Anakin?" Qui-Gon queried his tone patient but firm. "The sooner you reveal your concern the sooner we can work through it my Padawan."
Qui-Gon watched the boy battle with himself. He wanted to trust Qui-Gon but what if he revealed himself and his Master rejected him? He had wanted to tell Qui-Gon. He wasn't like the other Masters on the council. He seemed to like Anakin even maybe love him a little bit. He pushed his food around on his plate a bit more before he finally laid down his fork and peered up at the man sitting across from him.
"Did you know your Mother?" He asked. Qui-Gon was taken aback. He had not expected to have his past pulled into what was disturbing the boy.
"Why Anakin? Why do you want to know?" His voice was kind as he reached across and took the boy's hand.
"I just thought maybe if you knew yours then you would understand better what-" He didn't trust his voice any further. He looked down at the table again. He tried to hold back his tears but one escaped and trailed down his cheek.
"Are you missing her Anakin?" Qui-Gon knew the answer but needed the boy to say it aloud himself.
Anakin could only nod his head. He brought a hand up to wipe away the evidence of his grief.
"I keep looking for her." His voice was small. He sniffed a couple of times then raised his eyes to his Master's. " I know she isn't on the ship, but I keep looking for her. I tell myself she isn't on here but then I see someone ahead of me and her hair is the same and I-" He shook his head frustrated that he was having such a hard time holding onto his emotions. "I think it is her, but then they turn around and it isn't and it hurts all over again." He pushed his plate back and placed his head down on the table.
Qui-Gon sighed. There was a reason that force sensitives were brought to the temple as infants. He wasn't sure what to say or even what to do to help him get past this. The thought of losing the boy was overwhelming but he knew it was important that Anakin know he had options.
"Anakin only you can choose your path." Qui-Gon used the words he had heard Shmi offer her son.
Recognizing the words Anakin's head shot up and he stared at his Master for a long moment.
"No one can force you to become a Jedi, Anakin. You must do as the force is leading you. I know that you feel sad. It is normal to feel sad. You miss your Mother and I am sure that she misses you." Qui-Gon's voice was soft and comforting.
"She would want me to be a Jedi." He said with assurance.
"Perhaps she would, but it isn't her choice to make. This is between you and the force Anakin. You must decide what your destiny is. I can't tell you and neither can your Mother. Why did you want to be a Jedi?" He had never asked the boy this question. He had asked Obi-Wan that question before taking him as a Padawan. Why had he not thought to examine Anakin's motives? He filed that away and focused on the boy.
Anakin picked up his fork and started dancing his food around on his plate again. Qui-Gon waited patiently. After a few thoughtful moments Anakin cleared his throat.
"I want to be a great warrior. I want to go back and free all the slaves including my Mom." He beamed as he spoke.
Qui-Gon felt the force pulling at him and ventured further.
"Why is that so important to you?"
"Can you imagine it? Me, a slave, coming back as a warrior. Everyone would know that they better leave me alone. They would all have to get out of my way. They would be afraid of me for a change." He could tell from his Master's expression that his answer had not been what Qui-Gon had been hoping for.
"Anakin it is important that you understand that a Jedi never craves personal glory or power. We are servants first and foremost. We serve the force. We cannot pursue our own agendas. We are at the bidding of the will of the force." His brow was knit together in concentration. His face set in stone. It was vital that the boy understand this once and for all.
"You mean I can't just go back and free her?" Anakin's mouth was open a look of horror on his face.
"No you cannot. Not unless you feel the force is leading you to do so. " Qui-Gon watched as a look of pure furry consumed the boy's face.
"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard! I will free her whether the force likes it or not!" He threw his fork down and fled the room.
Qui-Gon watched him go. How had he missed this? The boy sought glory and was filled with anger as well as fear. He shook his head. He slowly rose taking their plates to the return counter. He knew where Anakin had gone. He would give him a bit of time then he would go to him. Together they would seek the force and discover Anakin's path.
*********
Padme made her excuses and left the celebration shortly after Obi-Wan had. She had followed through with their plan and made off to the kitchen. She now found herself standing outside his door with a basket of goodies in hand. She wasn't sure why but she felt she owed him an apology. Glancing both ways wanting to avoid any scandal, she knocked lightly upon his door. She didn't hear any noise coming from within. After a few moments she knocked again a bit louder. A minute later the door was opened and bleary eyed Obi-Wan stood before her.
"Oh no." She began. " I woke you up." Her tone was apologetic.
"No. I wasn't asleep. " He explained stretching his neck from side to side. "I was meditating."
"Oh." She replied feeling awkward now as she stood in the hallway. She offered up the basket and smiled. "I brought you a snack."
He smiled back at her but made no effort to invite her in.
"Look Obi-Wan I don't know exactly what I did but I think I upset you before. If you would tell me what I did I would be willing to apologize, but it is hard to apologize when I don't know what I did." She was babbling. He found himself laughing at her frustration and sincerity. He wasn't use to anyone being concerned about his feelings. It was a nice change. She had a very endearing quality and it touched his heart in a way that few people had.
He motioned her in and gestured to the sitting area in the center of the room. She placed the basket on the small table in front of the love seat and sat down. Once she was settled he sat down beside her.
"Are you going to tell me what I did?" She asked hoping that her boldness didn't anger him again.
"It was the look you gave me." He blushed himself. Now that he had said it aloud he had to admit that it sounded childish and ridiculous.
"What look?' She asked truly baffled.
He wished that she would just drop it now, but knew that he owed her an explanation more than she owed him an apology.
"When the Senator told you about-" He paused not sure how he was going to explain.
"Master Jinn?" She offered sparing him the need to say the name.
"Yes." Obi-Wan nodded realizing he was letting his emotions get the best of him "Well when he told you that you looked at me with pity. I don't want your pity." His voice sounded angry again and she flinched at his tone. He sighed and shook his head. "I am sorry Padme. I don't mean to come across so harsh. It has just been a very trying few days and I don't want you to look at me like someone who-"
"Should be pitied?" She finished. He raised his gaze and met her eyes. There was no pity in her eyes. "Well first of all it wasn't pity but sympathy if it was anything at all. I could never pity the man who faced that horrible Sith. I could never pity that man who would put his needs aside to allow me to enjoy an evening of well earned celebration. But I could have sympathy for a devoted and trusting young man who has obviously been hurt by someone he cared for."
Obi-Wan started to interrupt but she raised her hand and stopped him.
"Second of all if you had just confronted me at the time we could have sorted all of this out there and then. You didn't have to run away."
Once again he wanted to interrupt in order to defend his actions. He had not been running away. He just no longer wanted to be in her company. The reason sounded lame even to him so he decided to remain silent.
"Third I believe that we could be friends and as friends it is important that we give each other the benefit of the doubt. Therefore I believe that you did not willingly misread my expression and you will believe that I am a trustworthy friend that is here with the sincere desire to listen."
He made a motion with his head asking if he now had permission to speak. She nodded trying to appear serious but couldn't help the small smile began to curl on her lips.
He took her hands in his. She felt her heart begin to race as he did so. She worried slightly that her hands would start to perspire. He took a deep breath and looked up into her eyes.
"I truly do need a friend right now. I can't explain it but I feel very comfortable talking to you. If you don't mind I would very much like to talk about what is troubling me, but only if you agree to share my late night snack and consider me a trustworthy friend as well "
His voice flowed over her. It was gentle and soothing. She could have listened to it all night. She smiled and nodded her acceptance. It was then that she forced her heart to beat normally. Obi-Wan didn't need a young girl with a tiny crush. He needed a friend. She would push down all of her blossoming feelings for him and be what he needed her to be. After all they were both young and had all the time in the world.
************
He was on the observation level. Anakin loved staring out at the millions of stars that dotted the sky. Even though they were in hyperspace the simulation program sparked his imagination just as well as the real thing. He wanted to see every planet in every system. He found himself repeating Qui-Gon's question. Why? Why did he want to see every planet in every system? So he could tell everyone that he had? Or was it because he was just curious? He doubted that he even knew the reason at this point.
He had heard the stories about the Jedi Knights. He knew that they were heroes. They were wizard with their sabers and mind tricks. Even the worst of the scum he had seen in his life feared the Jedi. He wanted to be feared. He wanted people to know that if they messed with him that they would be sorry. Of course another good thing about being a Jedi would be that he could help people. He thought about that for a moment before once again imagining Sebulba's face when he looked up and saw Anakin coming for him as a mighty Jedi warrior. "Not so tough then huh?" Anakin whispered aloud.
"Who isn't so tough?" Qui-Gon's voice caught the boy off guard.
"No one really I was just thinking." Anakin returned his gaze to the star simulation.
Qui-Gon decided to let it pass.
"Anakin it is time that you started working on meditation." He moved to the boy's side and lowered himself to one knee.
"Meditation?"
"Yes meditation Anakin. It is what Jedi use to regain their center. It is the time when we seek out the force's will and guidance." He smiled at the boy. In his heart he felt he needed to admonish the boy for his earlier outburst. He would have done so if it had been Obi-Wan. He cringed at that thought. He didn't want to risk a further outburst from Anakin so he decided if it happened again he would correct him.
"Yes Master. What do I have to do?" Anakin raised his eyebrow a look of concern on his face.
Qui-Gon smiled and settled himself into his meditative stance. He drew Anakin into his arms and settled him in front of him. He wrapped his arms protectively around him.
"Close your eyes Padawan." His voice was soft and deep.
Anakin obeyed. He suddenly felt so peaceful in his Master's arms. He felt safe and almost happy.
"Reach out to the force Anakin. Feel it around you and within you. Seek out your center. Once you locate it will be easier to find it in the future."
Anakin felt himself sink into something. He did feel something moving around him and within him. It spoke to him. It's voice both soothing and compelling. It led him to places within him that he had never seen. He could see his anger and his fear. It was dark. He could see the love he had for his Mother and his Master. It was light. The light revealed his secret thoughts of revenge and warned him that such plans were not honorable. It reminded him that he was loved by his mother and that made him feel pain. It affirmed to him that slavery was wrong, but that filled him with shame. The light illuminated the corners of his mind. He could see his pain and sadness when he left his Mother. The light caused him to see and feel everything that he been trying to avoid. It hurt too much.
Anakin shifted his focus. He pulled away from the light and walked closer to the darkness. As he did so, he watched the darkness surrounding his anger grow and move closer to the light of the love within him. The darkness spoke to him as well. It told him that it was ok to feel angry and to want to hurt Sebulba. He saw the rejection of the Jedi Council. The darkness was eating the memory and growing larger. He could see the times the Sebulba had threatened him. The darkness consumed those images as well. He liked the darkness. It made all the pain go away. It ate up all the bad things that had happened to him and made him feel powerful. He reveled in the power.
"Anakin." He heard his Master calling to him, "Anakin."
He opened his eyes slowly and found that his Master was no longer behind him but now squatting in front of him with a concerned look on his face.
"Master?" He asked.
"You did very well Padawan. Did you enjoy your first meditation?" Qui-Gon asked as he ruffled the boy's hair affectionately.
"Yes Master very much." Anakin smiled.
"Did it show you your path?' Qui-Gon asked as he helped the boy to his feet.
"Yes Master I think that it did." Anakin glanced up once more at the star simulation above him.
"Well?" Qui-Gon asked as he lowered himself to the boys level and stared intently into his face.
Anakin smiled brightly his voice full of conviction. "I want to be a Jedi."
************************************************************************
Hey all!! Thanks again for your helpful comments. I am continuing to work at breaking things up into smaller paragraphs. Hopefully by the last chapter I will be better at this. I am glad so many of you are enjoying Yoda and Obi together. I think it is a great match obviously. It is great hearing how you all feel about things. This chapter didn't exist in the original idea but after fighting the Sith I just really thought that Obi- Wan needed a chance to kick up his heels. All work and no play but of course angst finds Obi everywhere he goes eh? More to come.
Rating: I wish I knew. I am putting it at PG-13 just because I don't know any better and would rather err on the safe side.
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
****************************************************************
The Victory Gala following the parade had promised to be a grand celebration and it had not disappointed. The preparations for the affair had been hurriedly thrown together. It never ceased to amaze Obi-Wan how planetary governments took weeks to settle petty disputes but could manage to throw together an elaborate party in mere hours. He sighed as he watched the various Nubian and Gungan leaders laughing and congratulating one another on the success of their plan. He shook his head moving further out onto the balcony away from the ballroom. The music was beautiful and he closed his eyes allowing it to carry him away from the laughter and whispering around him. The soft swish of a formal gown caused Obi-Wan to reach out with the force.
"Good evening Your Majesty." He greeted without opening his eyes.
"I'm impressed. " She teased.
"Years of formal galas have conditioned me to recognize the sound of a royal gown coming my way." The both laughed as he opened his eyes. She looked radiant in the moonlight. "I see many officials congratulating themselves on the brilliance of their strategy in overcoming the invasion." His voice was sarcastic as he motioned to the crowd of men in the far corner.
"Yes well." She regarded them and then turned back to the young Jedi. "It matters little who gets credit for the victory as long as the ultimate outcome was indeed a success."
He marveled at her generosity and security. He knew she was right, but at the same time she had to be on guard. In the aftermath of any conflict there were always opportunistic individuals ready to seize power at all cost. Obi-Wan caught himself eyeing the group of men with a scowl. He suddenly felt very protective of the young Queen. Sensing this she placed her hand upon his arm and led him further out onto the balcony and away from the crowd.
"Let's slip away for a moment and enjoy this beautiful night." Obi-Wan smiled fully aware of what she was doing. He retracted his scowl and replaced it instead with a humor filled smile as he allowed himself to be led away .
"Where is Master Yoda?" She asked as she stared out over the gardens which were shrouded in darkness beneath them.
"He left an hour or so ago. He needed time to meditate. The warrior we fought left him with questions and concerns." He wasn't sure how much he should reveal to the Queen. So much about the darkness was elusive. No reason to burden her with thoughts that may never come to pass.
"He looked very-" She paused as she searched for the right word, "intimidating." She finally decided.
Obi-Wan laughed softly. 'Yes Your Majesty, I must admit I found him intimidating as well." They both smiled.
"Padme." She offered once again as she brought her hand to his arm. "My name is Padme. That is what my friends call me. After all that you have done for me and Naboo I hope that you will always consider me a friend." Her smile was genuine.
"Thank you Padme. I too hope to always be counted among your allies. My friends call me Obi-Wan." She nodded and seemed to blush a bit. He couldn't be sure though in the faint light coming from the ballroom.
"It is unfortunate that Master Jinn wasn't able to be here to share in our celebration." She immediately noticed that the young man beside her stiffened at the sound of the name. Padme wished that she could take her words back. She had suspected from the first that there had been more to Master Yoda's assignment to her escort than had first been revealed.
"Obi-Wan?" She asked when he had failed to respond to her comment.
Obi-Wan continued to stare out over the gardens. It was obvious that he was struggling to control his emotions. She patiently waited for him to regain his serenity.
"Yes. It is very unfortunate." His words were flat and emphatic.
"Do you wish to talk about it? " She offered gently. "I know we haven't known each other long but I do consider myself your friend and want to help if I can." He turned to her. She had not missed the unshed tears which he had suddenly banished. He sighed. He did feel like she was someone he could talk to but now was not the time or the place.
"Tonight is a night for joy and celebration Padme. As your friend I would never intrude on such a rare and glorious occasion." His gaze never left her and though she could see the sincerity in his eyes there was something else there as well. It was pain. It was then that she realized that she was in the presence of one who truly put the needs of others before his own. It moved her that one so burdened would be able to see beyond his own suffering and actually care about her joy. She determined that she would make it her goal to insure that this man enjoyed the festivities a long side her whether he liked it or not. She smiled at him. He thought there was something conspiring about that smile but decided to let it pass.
"I have to admit Obi-Wan that you have slightly offended me." Her voice became serious. Obi-Wan furrowed his brow in concern.
"Padme I have no idea what I have done but please know that I would never-"
She laughed and interrupted his formal apology. "You have failed to ask me to dance with you." She offered her hand. He met her smile and took the proffered hand.
"I fear that my feet will offend you greater, but you seem a woman who enjoys overcoming hardship." The both laughed and made their way out to the center of the ballroom.
Having danced with royalty on the various diplomatic missions that he and Qui-Gon had served on he was at ease with the eyes of so many upon them. He placed his right hand lightly upon her lower back as she smiled up at him. The music swept them away and transported the young man away from his heavy heart and into the light that shone in the young Queen's eyes. She was so young. He marveled that one so young could bear up so well under the weight of such responsibility.
Padme caught herself on more than one occasion staring dreamily into the young Jedi's eyes. She had always thought that they were green but now she saw that they were a very light blue. They were warm and tender as they held her. She knew that he was looking upon her with the endearment of an older brother to a little sister. That was appropriate given her age, but in the back of her mind she comforted herself with the knowledge that time would pass and one day she would no longer be the child he thought her to be. One day in the future perhaps at another celebration she would lose herself in those eyes again and possibly he would be lost in hers. She smiled up at him.
"I wonder what you are thinking?" Obi-Wan teased.
"Want to guess?" She asked hiding the alarm in her voice. She knew Jedi could read thoughts. Had Obi-Wan just read hers? She blushed and looked away for a moment thankful for the makeup she was wearing.
"Sure." He paused as he drew her closer navigating them around two other couples, "You are wondering how long it will take for your feet to recover."
"Nope. Guess again." She challenged relaxing a bit.
"You are wishing that Jar Jar was your partner instead of a clumsy old Padawan."
She imagined what it would be like to dance with the accident prone Gungan. She giggled. He found the sound of it enchanting and rewarded her with an adoring grin. It was then that her heart fluttered and she immediately tried to make her laugh sound more mature. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at her efforts. He seemed a bit confused by her actions assuming that she felt it undignified for a Queen to giggle. When he glanced down at her again it appeared that perhaps she was blushing.
They talked about the music, the dance steps, the upcoming trade negotiations as he whirled her around the floor. They moved beautifully together. Padme had noticed more than one approving look from the various clusters of Nubians standing on the sidelines. She hated that everything she did was constantly on display. She realized that it was an expected consequence of her position but it didn't mean that she had to like it. She wanted to be with Obi-Wan without being under the surveillance of so many prying eyes. Her stomach growled quietly as they came by the orchestra. She had hardly had a moment to actually eat at the formal dinner. She usually ate a small meal prior to such events in order to insure that she did get some nourishment, but with all the rushed preparations she had overlooked her preemptive meal. She remembered seeing Obi-Wan at the dinner as well. He and Master Yoda had been the center of attention as well. Venturing a guess she tightened her grip on his hand in order to gain his attention.
"Are you hungry?" She asked.
Obi-Wan was starving. He had had so many people trying to engage him at dinner he had been unable to finish any of his food. Experience had taught him to always include nutrient bars in his pack for just such incidents. It was a fairly common occurrence. He had planned on devouring a few once he returned to his quarters for the night. He looked at Padme a tinkle of mischief in his eye. He was hoping she had something better in mind. In fact almost anything would be better than nutrient bars.
"As a matter of fact I am." He confessed smiling and putting on a famished look on his face. She smiled up at him and mirrored his look.
"Good. I need to touch base with a few more individuals then let's sneak off to the kitchen and see what we can find." He nodded and started moving them off of the dance floor. As soon as they reached the edge Senator Palpatine called out to them both.
"Queen Amidala. Knight Kenobi." They turned in response to his voice. "There you both are." He was making his way over to them.
"He is one of those bases." Padme whispered and Obi-Wan nodded turning to face the man.
"It's Padawan Kenobi, Senator Palpatine. I have yet to be knighted." Obi- Wan corrected politely.
"Yes with Yoda now as your Master isn't that right? The Senate was quite a buzz with the shocking resignation of your Master Jinn. " The man shook his head in sorrow though Obi-Wan sensed no sincerity behind it. Obi-Wan bowed his head to the Senator in acknowledgement turning his gaze temporarily to meet Padme's. Their eyes met.
/So that was it./ Padme thought,/ He left the order. He left you./ She gave him a sympathetic smile. His reaction surprised her as she watched what had been a warm gaze suddenly become cold. He stiffened and turned his gaze back to the Senator.
"Was there something that you required of me?" Obi-Wan asked Palpatine in a curt manner.
"I merely wanted to thank you my dear boy for all that you did in helping our people." He delighted in the impact his previous statement had had on the boy's demeanor. He filed this information to be used later. He pasted the syrup sweet smile on his face and continued to stare at the boy.
"I assure you Senator Palpatine that Queen Amidala is the one who is responsible for this turn of events. Her courage and ingenuity saved her people. My Master and I were only too happy to lend any assistance that we could. It is an honor to serve the Queen and her people. " He bowed once more to the Senator before turning back to Padme.
"Your Majesty thank of for the dance. I believe that the events of the last two days are catching up to me. I will be retiring for the evening. Thank you again. I had a delightful time." He took her hand and brought it to his lips.
Padme smiled politely but was crying out inside. /No don't run away. Stay and talk to me. / She felt his lips warm and soft against her hand. She felt a shiver run through her and did her best to suppress it. "Of course Jedi Kenobi I too had a wonderful time as well. I had hoped to keep you at my side longer-" She paused hoping he would offer to stay but he remained silent. "but naturally understand your fatigue. Sleep well." He smiled tightly and made his way through the crowd to the exit.
She watched him go. How had things changed so suddenly? One moment she had been in his arms his warm eyes gazing down on her the next those eyes had turned cold and hard. She turned back to the Senator. Inside she was seething at the inconsideration of this man before her. How could he have blurted out such painful news without even a thought of how Obi-Wan would react? She swallowed her anger and planted an impassive expression on her face.
"Did you need to speak with me Senator?" Her voice was hard and official.
"No not really Your Highness. I just wanted to thank you for your efforts in securing our planet's future as well as honoring us with this wonderful celebration. " She nodded to him conveying her appreciation for his comments.
/That's it?/ She railed from within /You approached me for that?/ As she watched the man walk away she started to wonder if he had purposely sought out Obi-Wan to hurt him. /Surely not./ She thought / He could never be that cruel./ Her mind refused to let go of the idea though and as she silently took stock of what the Senator had revealed concerning Master Jinn's abandonment of Obi-Wan she started to believe that perhaps some people were naturally cruel.
*******
Qui-Gon made his way through the serving line on the transport. He winced a bit and once again sent a silent hope out into the force that the food would taste better than it smelled. He felt Anakin pressed close behind him. He glanced down at the boy. He noticed the look of apprehension on his face. He nervously stared at the other travelers who stood in line around them. He had never noticed the fear in the boy. He remembered what Yoda had told him concerning Anakin's feelings but he had passed it off as normal. What nine year old wouldn't be afraid standing before the almighty Jedi Council? Now though he realized that the fear was deeper and more prevalent than he had first believed. This was something that he would need to meditate upon and hope that the force would show him a way to guide the boy free from it.
Qui-Gon and Anakin made their way over to a table. Once seated Qui-Gon regarded the boy and realized he was still glancing about nervously.
"Anakin." His voice drew the boy's attention back to him. "Is something troubling you?" He placed his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands.
"No Sir Master Qui-Gon Sir." Anakin replied turning his attention to his plate of food and avoiding the Master's eyes.
"Anakin?" Qui-Gon queried his tone patient but firm. "The sooner you reveal your concern the sooner we can work through it my Padawan."
Qui-Gon watched the boy battle with himself. He wanted to trust Qui-Gon but what if he revealed himself and his Master rejected him? He had wanted to tell Qui-Gon. He wasn't like the other Masters on the council. He seemed to like Anakin even maybe love him a little bit. He pushed his food around on his plate a bit more before he finally laid down his fork and peered up at the man sitting across from him.
"Did you know your Mother?" He asked. Qui-Gon was taken aback. He had not expected to have his past pulled into what was disturbing the boy.
"Why Anakin? Why do you want to know?" His voice was kind as he reached across and took the boy's hand.
"I just thought maybe if you knew yours then you would understand better what-" He didn't trust his voice any further. He looked down at the table again. He tried to hold back his tears but one escaped and trailed down his cheek.
"Are you missing her Anakin?" Qui-Gon knew the answer but needed the boy to say it aloud himself.
Anakin could only nod his head. He brought a hand up to wipe away the evidence of his grief.
"I keep looking for her." His voice was small. He sniffed a couple of times then raised his eyes to his Master's. " I know she isn't on the ship, but I keep looking for her. I tell myself she isn't on here but then I see someone ahead of me and her hair is the same and I-" He shook his head frustrated that he was having such a hard time holding onto his emotions. "I think it is her, but then they turn around and it isn't and it hurts all over again." He pushed his plate back and placed his head down on the table.
Qui-Gon sighed. There was a reason that force sensitives were brought to the temple as infants. He wasn't sure what to say or even what to do to help him get past this. The thought of losing the boy was overwhelming but he knew it was important that Anakin know he had options.
"Anakin only you can choose your path." Qui-Gon used the words he had heard Shmi offer her son.
Recognizing the words Anakin's head shot up and he stared at his Master for a long moment.
"No one can force you to become a Jedi, Anakin. You must do as the force is leading you. I know that you feel sad. It is normal to feel sad. You miss your Mother and I am sure that she misses you." Qui-Gon's voice was soft and comforting.
"She would want me to be a Jedi." He said with assurance.
"Perhaps she would, but it isn't her choice to make. This is between you and the force Anakin. You must decide what your destiny is. I can't tell you and neither can your Mother. Why did you want to be a Jedi?" He had never asked the boy this question. He had asked Obi-Wan that question before taking him as a Padawan. Why had he not thought to examine Anakin's motives? He filed that away and focused on the boy.
Anakin picked up his fork and started dancing his food around on his plate again. Qui-Gon waited patiently. After a few thoughtful moments Anakin cleared his throat.
"I want to be a great warrior. I want to go back and free all the slaves including my Mom." He beamed as he spoke.
Qui-Gon felt the force pulling at him and ventured further.
"Why is that so important to you?"
"Can you imagine it? Me, a slave, coming back as a warrior. Everyone would know that they better leave me alone. They would all have to get out of my way. They would be afraid of me for a change." He could tell from his Master's expression that his answer had not been what Qui-Gon had been hoping for.
"Anakin it is important that you understand that a Jedi never craves personal glory or power. We are servants first and foremost. We serve the force. We cannot pursue our own agendas. We are at the bidding of the will of the force." His brow was knit together in concentration. His face set in stone. It was vital that the boy understand this once and for all.
"You mean I can't just go back and free her?" Anakin's mouth was open a look of horror on his face.
"No you cannot. Not unless you feel the force is leading you to do so. " Qui-Gon watched as a look of pure furry consumed the boy's face.
"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard! I will free her whether the force likes it or not!" He threw his fork down and fled the room.
Qui-Gon watched him go. How had he missed this? The boy sought glory and was filled with anger as well as fear. He shook his head. He slowly rose taking their plates to the return counter. He knew where Anakin had gone. He would give him a bit of time then he would go to him. Together they would seek the force and discover Anakin's path.
*********
Padme made her excuses and left the celebration shortly after Obi-Wan had. She had followed through with their plan and made off to the kitchen. She now found herself standing outside his door with a basket of goodies in hand. She wasn't sure why but she felt she owed him an apology. Glancing both ways wanting to avoid any scandal, she knocked lightly upon his door. She didn't hear any noise coming from within. After a few moments she knocked again a bit louder. A minute later the door was opened and bleary eyed Obi-Wan stood before her.
"Oh no." She began. " I woke you up." Her tone was apologetic.
"No. I wasn't asleep. " He explained stretching his neck from side to side. "I was meditating."
"Oh." She replied feeling awkward now as she stood in the hallway. She offered up the basket and smiled. "I brought you a snack."
He smiled back at her but made no effort to invite her in.
"Look Obi-Wan I don't know exactly what I did but I think I upset you before. If you would tell me what I did I would be willing to apologize, but it is hard to apologize when I don't know what I did." She was babbling. He found himself laughing at her frustration and sincerity. He wasn't use to anyone being concerned about his feelings. It was a nice change. She had a very endearing quality and it touched his heart in a way that few people had.
He motioned her in and gestured to the sitting area in the center of the room. She placed the basket on the small table in front of the love seat and sat down. Once she was settled he sat down beside her.
"Are you going to tell me what I did?" She asked hoping that her boldness didn't anger him again.
"It was the look you gave me." He blushed himself. Now that he had said it aloud he had to admit that it sounded childish and ridiculous.
"What look?' She asked truly baffled.
He wished that she would just drop it now, but knew that he owed her an explanation more than she owed him an apology.
"When the Senator told you about-" He paused not sure how he was going to explain.
"Master Jinn?" She offered sparing him the need to say the name.
"Yes." Obi-Wan nodded realizing he was letting his emotions get the best of him "Well when he told you that you looked at me with pity. I don't want your pity." His voice sounded angry again and she flinched at his tone. He sighed and shook his head. "I am sorry Padme. I don't mean to come across so harsh. It has just been a very trying few days and I don't want you to look at me like someone who-"
"Should be pitied?" She finished. He raised his gaze and met her eyes. There was no pity in her eyes. "Well first of all it wasn't pity but sympathy if it was anything at all. I could never pity the man who faced that horrible Sith. I could never pity that man who would put his needs aside to allow me to enjoy an evening of well earned celebration. But I could have sympathy for a devoted and trusting young man who has obviously been hurt by someone he cared for."
Obi-Wan started to interrupt but she raised her hand and stopped him.
"Second of all if you had just confronted me at the time we could have sorted all of this out there and then. You didn't have to run away."
Once again he wanted to interrupt in order to defend his actions. He had not been running away. He just no longer wanted to be in her company. The reason sounded lame even to him so he decided to remain silent.
"Third I believe that we could be friends and as friends it is important that we give each other the benefit of the doubt. Therefore I believe that you did not willingly misread my expression and you will believe that I am a trustworthy friend that is here with the sincere desire to listen."
He made a motion with his head asking if he now had permission to speak. She nodded trying to appear serious but couldn't help the small smile began to curl on her lips.
He took her hands in his. She felt her heart begin to race as he did so. She worried slightly that her hands would start to perspire. He took a deep breath and looked up into her eyes.
"I truly do need a friend right now. I can't explain it but I feel very comfortable talking to you. If you don't mind I would very much like to talk about what is troubling me, but only if you agree to share my late night snack and consider me a trustworthy friend as well "
His voice flowed over her. It was gentle and soothing. She could have listened to it all night. She smiled and nodded her acceptance. It was then that she forced her heart to beat normally. Obi-Wan didn't need a young girl with a tiny crush. He needed a friend. She would push down all of her blossoming feelings for him and be what he needed her to be. After all they were both young and had all the time in the world.
************
He was on the observation level. Anakin loved staring out at the millions of stars that dotted the sky. Even though they were in hyperspace the simulation program sparked his imagination just as well as the real thing. He wanted to see every planet in every system. He found himself repeating Qui-Gon's question. Why? Why did he want to see every planet in every system? So he could tell everyone that he had? Or was it because he was just curious? He doubted that he even knew the reason at this point.
He had heard the stories about the Jedi Knights. He knew that they were heroes. They were wizard with their sabers and mind tricks. Even the worst of the scum he had seen in his life feared the Jedi. He wanted to be feared. He wanted people to know that if they messed with him that they would be sorry. Of course another good thing about being a Jedi would be that he could help people. He thought about that for a moment before once again imagining Sebulba's face when he looked up and saw Anakin coming for him as a mighty Jedi warrior. "Not so tough then huh?" Anakin whispered aloud.
"Who isn't so tough?" Qui-Gon's voice caught the boy off guard.
"No one really I was just thinking." Anakin returned his gaze to the star simulation.
Qui-Gon decided to let it pass.
"Anakin it is time that you started working on meditation." He moved to the boy's side and lowered himself to one knee.
"Meditation?"
"Yes meditation Anakin. It is what Jedi use to regain their center. It is the time when we seek out the force's will and guidance." He smiled at the boy. In his heart he felt he needed to admonish the boy for his earlier outburst. He would have done so if it had been Obi-Wan. He cringed at that thought. He didn't want to risk a further outburst from Anakin so he decided if it happened again he would correct him.
"Yes Master. What do I have to do?" Anakin raised his eyebrow a look of concern on his face.
Qui-Gon smiled and settled himself into his meditative stance. He drew Anakin into his arms and settled him in front of him. He wrapped his arms protectively around him.
"Close your eyes Padawan." His voice was soft and deep.
Anakin obeyed. He suddenly felt so peaceful in his Master's arms. He felt safe and almost happy.
"Reach out to the force Anakin. Feel it around you and within you. Seek out your center. Once you locate it will be easier to find it in the future."
Anakin felt himself sink into something. He did feel something moving around him and within him. It spoke to him. It's voice both soothing and compelling. It led him to places within him that he had never seen. He could see his anger and his fear. It was dark. He could see the love he had for his Mother and his Master. It was light. The light revealed his secret thoughts of revenge and warned him that such plans were not honorable. It reminded him that he was loved by his mother and that made him feel pain. It affirmed to him that slavery was wrong, but that filled him with shame. The light illuminated the corners of his mind. He could see his pain and sadness when he left his Mother. The light caused him to see and feel everything that he been trying to avoid. It hurt too much.
Anakin shifted his focus. He pulled away from the light and walked closer to the darkness. As he did so, he watched the darkness surrounding his anger grow and move closer to the light of the love within him. The darkness spoke to him as well. It told him that it was ok to feel angry and to want to hurt Sebulba. He saw the rejection of the Jedi Council. The darkness was eating the memory and growing larger. He could see the times the Sebulba had threatened him. The darkness consumed those images as well. He liked the darkness. It made all the pain go away. It ate up all the bad things that had happened to him and made him feel powerful. He reveled in the power.
"Anakin." He heard his Master calling to him, "Anakin."
He opened his eyes slowly and found that his Master was no longer behind him but now squatting in front of him with a concerned look on his face.
"Master?" He asked.
"You did very well Padawan. Did you enjoy your first meditation?" Qui-Gon asked as he ruffled the boy's hair affectionately.
"Yes Master very much." Anakin smiled.
"Did it show you your path?' Qui-Gon asked as he helped the boy to his feet.
"Yes Master I think that it did." Anakin glanced up once more at the star simulation above him.
"Well?" Qui-Gon asked as he lowered himself to the boys level and stared intently into his face.
Anakin smiled brightly his voice full of conviction. "I want to be a Jedi."
************************************************************************
Hey all!! Thanks again for your helpful comments. I am continuing to work at breaking things up into smaller paragraphs. Hopefully by the last chapter I will be better at this. I am glad so many of you are enjoying Yoda and Obi together. I think it is a great match obviously. It is great hearing how you all feel about things. This chapter didn't exist in the original idea but after fighting the Sith I just really thought that Obi- Wan needed a chance to kick up his heels. All work and no play but of course angst finds Obi everywhere he goes eh? More to come.