Chapter Twenty-Three: Things Draw to a Close

Two hours later, at the celebration feast Dumbledore had hastily arranged in the Great Hall, we were still laughing at Percy's fate. "Honestly, Perce, I'm jealous," said Hermione as she passed Ron the peppermint humbugs.

"So am I," said Remus. Sirius nudged him hard. Remus threw a piece of bread at him. In response, Sirius pelted him with cooked carrot slices. I rolled my eyes.

Dumbledore had managed to get quite a lot of guests together. Neville sat across from Hermione, and McGonagall, Moody, all the other professors, and an assortment of students and alums sat at another table.

Percy, however, was not in a festive mood. "I can't believe myself," he said heavily. "I was such an idiot. I can't believe I actually joined Voldemort."

"Oh, cheer up, old boy," said Fred. "It's not so bad in the end. No one's hurt or dead. True, you made a total prat of yourself, but that's nothing new."

"Yeah, Percy, snap out of it," said George. "We're just glad you've seen sense. Here, have a toffee."

"Don't – " I started. But it was too late – Percy's tongue swelled so it resembled a killer slug.

"You know, that is rather clever," said Mr. Weasley. "I think I might be able to lend – that's lend, mind you – a bit of money to start a business with."

"Thanks, Dad," said Fred, grinning.

"Yeah, thanks," said George. "Awfully nice of you. Suppose we'd better return the favor...don't eat that soup."

I was seated between Harry and the book. I turned to the latter. "Rowena, even if Voldemort doesn't train my baby, will it still be a great witch or wizard?"

"Oh, of course," said the book. "Maybe even greater than Harry here. Expect an owl from Hogwarts in another eleven years."

"Jessica's going to be awfully jealous," I said. "Speaking of Jessica, I'd better figure out how I'm getting – "

At that moment, my agent Lisa burst through the door and threw her arms around me. "Jo! I'm so sorry that I EVER thought you were mad, I was just going to call the police again when this owl flew through my window, and it was from Dumbledore inviting me to this feast...oh, hello there. You must be Sirius. I'll bet you're quite handsome when you haven't got broth splattered on your head."

Sirius grinned sheepishly. I handed him a napkin. "How's Malfoy doing?" he asked.

Before I could answer his question, a groan came from the corner. Lucius Malfoy stood up, his eyes slits of anger. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

"You're going to Azkaban, that's what," said Ginny. "Mobilicorpus Azkaban!"

He disappeared. I looked at Ginny, impressed. "Nice job!"

"Serves him right for giving me Riddle's diary," said Ginny, shrugging.

"I'll say," said the ghost of Agnes Riddle, who was waltzing with Nearly Headless Nick on top of an empty table. She didn't seem disturbed about the fate of her son in the least, and no one blamed her.

We were interrupted by the sound of the door slamming. Fudge stormed in, looking livid. "Dumbledore! What has been going on here! Why was I not informed? Who gave you the right to preside over the trial in the first place? I'm the Minister of Magic!"

"And you're sacked," said Dumbledore.

"WHAT!?"

"You're sacked."

"By WHO?"

"Me."

"YOU CAN'T SACK ME!"

"Well, not technically. But I could tell about your little...how should I phrase this delicately...interludes with Narcissa Malfoy. Oh, sorry, I just did."

"Oh, so THAT'S why Malfoy's mum always looks like she's got dung under her nose," said Ron.

Fudge turned to look at him, but spotted Sirius first instead. "Black!"

"You called?" asked Sirius lazily.

"I hereby place you under arrest!" Sirius yawned.

"I'm afraid you're a bit behind the times," said Remus. "Peter Pettigrew killed James and Lily, and now he's in Azkaban."

Fudge snarled angrily. Then he snapped his fingers, and suddenly Dementors began to glide through the room.

"Oh, hello, nice to see you again," said Sirius to the Dementors. "Hey, I remember you...have you cut your hair? It looks lovely..."

He smiled at me. "Watch this one, Jo."

"Revealio Vetementsdisc!" he shouted.

The Dementors' robes flew up.

"My God!" exclaimed Mr. Weasley.

"I don't believe it," said Harry.

The Dementors, underneath their robes, were wearing disco outfits. Peeves began to sing sarcastically toned renditions of the Bee Gees.

"Obliviate Gitius plus Dementors!" called Dumbledore from the teacher's table. Fudge and the Dementors disappered.

Lisa was gazing at Sirius adoringly. Remus caught her eye. "Sorry, he's mine," he said.

Lisa swore under her breath.

After the feast, we had an after-party in the Gryffindor common room. As I was talking to Remus, Mrs. Weasley approached me with my computer. "I went home and got this for you, dear."

"Oh, thanks. Too bad I can't use it in Hogwarts because there's too much magic around."

"Oh, that's a myth Minerva and I started so students wouldn't bring cell phones to class," said Dumbledore. "It'll work fine."

"Hey, Sirius, what was that thing you talked about in court?" asked Harry. ? Let's go to that!"

Everyone crowded around the computer. I started up the internet connection and went to the site.

"Hey, look at all the stories here!" said Neville.

"That's inta tha thousans'!" exclaimed Hagrid.

"I want to read some about me," demanded Remus. I put in his name for Character One and clicked on Go.

I scrolled down a bit. He read, "Remus falls in love with Minerva McGonagall..." He shuddered.
"No way, who wrote this? She's way too old for me and I'm gay. Find one about me and Sirius." I entered Sirius's name for Character Two and picked Romance for the genre.

Both of them read over my shoulder, absorbed. "Hey," said Harry, "this one's got you two shagging in the Shrieking Shack! Like that ever happened."

"Um...."

"Well..."

"Let me put it two you this way," said Sirius. "It was called the Shrieking Shack for a reason and it had nothing to do with Remus transforming."

"Moving along," I said, mostly because Percy was looking a tad green.

"Let's read some about Snape!" said Ginny.

I found his fics and we began to read.

The fic began, "Snape stepped into the shower, hoping that his new shampoo would produce an 'organic' experience." We snorted with laughter.

"I find that highly unamusing," said Snape coldly.

"Was it a Blast-Ended Skrewt?" I asked.

"What?"

"Whatever it was that crawled up your arse and died."