Title: Broken Promises and New Beginnings
Rating: I wish I knew. I am putting it at PG-13 just because I don't know any better and would rather err on the safe side.
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
**********************************************************************
The morning in the crèche had been as enjoyable as always despite Obi-Wan's fatigue. Adi's presence had been a wonderful surprise. He smiled inwardly at the thought of her.
He yawned and exited the lift on the dining level. He hoped to find Garen around, but looking at the chronometer realized he had probably missed him. He would have to call him later and apologize. He had forgotten about their lunch date.
He had been preoccupied with other things. His mind turned back to thoughts of Qui-Gon. It had felt so strange seeing him but not feeling him. One minute he wanted to have no connection to the man and then the next he wanted to open his mind and feel that steady serenity once more.
He had missed Qui-Gon so much this past year. Of course he couldn't admit that to anyone. They would have all said he was crazy or masochistic. He couldn't understand why Qui-Gon would never return his love. Why Qui-Gon found it so easy to walk away from him? He shook his head. He had meditated for the vast majority of the night only giving up when he realized he wasn't ready to find the answer.
As he made his way to the Dining Hall he stopped short at the scene he found playing out before him outside the hall's door. Qui-Gon was talking to what appeared to be a very upset Anakin. Obi-Wan wanted to look away but found that he couldn't.
It was obvious that Anakin was beyond consolation. His first day must have been rougher than he had expected. Obi-Wan debated on whether he should intervene of not. He wasn't sure the boy or his Master would appreciate his interference.
Obi-Wan remembered those first painful years he had spent trying to find friendship among his age mates. He had always felt a bit left out and alone. He had always slightly envied the Padawans who could fit in so easily. It had taken him years to understand that all he had endured had served to prepare him for the missions which lay before him.
Qui-Gon had tried to comfort him during those difficult days but his words had meant very little to him. There was only so much a Master could do. Several Knights and Padawans passed him as he stood deliberating on which course of action to take. Obi-Wan was very well liked around the Temple now. It had taken awhile but eventually it seemed everyone had come to accept him for his strengths. Of course he never wasted any time on such trivial concerns as popularity. He was just grateful for the friends the Force had sent his way.
A group of Padawans Anakin's age walked past him inviting him to join them at their table. Obi-Wan just smiled. He was aware that more than one Padawan in the Temple had a crush on him. They were merely temporary infatuations. He had had plenty himself at their age. He watched as this same group walked by Anakin whispering and laughing as they did so. Obi- Wan knew then that he could help the boy and even if they refused his offer it was an offer he had to extend anyway.
******************
"Anakin I am sure it wasn't as bad as it seemed." Qui-Gon tried to comfort him.
Anakin was fighting back the sting of tears as a group of his age mates passed him erupting into whispers and then laughter. Anakin began losing the battle as a single tear trailed down his cheek. He looked away quickly so no one going into the Dining Hall would notice.
"It was terrible. They all hate me. They all love HIM and hate me." Anakin spoke with both anger and frustration.
Qui-Gon moved behind the boy placing his hands on his shoulders. "It isn't that they have to choose between you and Obi-Wan." He said soothingly.
//You did. That is why they hate me. You chose me. The Chosen One but they could careless who I am. I am nothing to them. // Anakin thought bitterly.
"They blame me for what you did to him. He hates me so they hate me." His voice broke slightly.
Qui-Gon could feel the misery radiating from the boy. Perhaps it had been a mistake to bring him back here. He had no idea that Obi-Wan had turned the Temple against them. It didn't seem like something the young man would do, but then again he had been very angry the last time he had seem him.
"Anakin?" Qui-Gon would have recognized that cultured voice anywhere.
Anakin turned to see who had called his name. He saw Obi-Wan standing there arms folded within the sleeves of his cloak. His first response was anger until he noticed that Obi-Wan's features were filled with compassion.
"You've really grown. You are going to be taller than I am in no time." Obi-Wan stepped past Qui-Gon without acknowledging him. "How are you liking the Temple?"
Anakin narrowed his eyes for moment. "I hate it." He said without apology.
"Really I wasn't always comfortable here either. It can't be easy coming in at mid-term." Obi-Wan could sense anger in the boy but also something else. He couldn't quite put a name to it. It was if the boy were purposing hiding something.
"The work isn't the problem." Anakin looked down slightly embarrassed.
"Making new friends isn't easy. Tell you what, why don't you come in here with me and we can have lunch together. We could catch up a bit."
"Why would you do that?" Anakin asked.
Anakin fought to keep the resentment and hatred out of his voice. He couldn't allow these emotions to show. He knew he was on trial before the Council Members. He also knew from other whispers he had overheard today that Obi-Wan was dating one of the Council Members. He was seeing the member who had rudely confronted his Master yesterday. The one who had stated that she still believed rejecting him had been the right decision.
Obi-Wan studied the boy for a moment. He sensed that Anakin was struggling with his emotions. For some reason he felt a warning through the Force that there was more going on with Anakin than first appeared. He found that odd, but would meditate more on it later. He had an uneasy feeling that his first inclination had been correct. Anakin's volatile and manipulative nature seemed to have increased over the past year. Obi-Wan sensed danger in the boy as he had a year before. He shook off his concerns looking past the padawan to the boy. Anakin was a boy. A boy who needed friends.
"I just thought maybe I could help." He smiled sincerely at the boy ready to step aside if his offer was rejected.
Anakin shot Qui-Gon a questioning glance. "I was suppose to eat with my Master."
"Well of course your Master may join us." Obi-Wan paused glancing in Qui- Gon's direction but not meeting the man's eyes.
" I am sure being new to the Temple that you haven't had a chance to meet all of the Padawans who are your age. Most of these beings have been raised together since birth. It might take a while for them to get to know you but once they do it will be fine." Obi-Wan placed a reassuring hand on Anakin's shoulder and smiled. " I know a great many of them. I want to make sure that they all understand what great FRIENDS we still are. Does that sound acceptable to you Master Jinn? "
Obi-Wan turned once more this time meeting Qui-Gon's gaze. He used his eyes to convey the necessity of this display. Qui-Gon was slightly taken aback. He felt ashamed that he had so readily believed that Obi-Wan had been involved in blaming Anakin for their conflict. He should have known better.
Anakin felt confused for a moment. Why would Obi-Wan want to help him? His age mates had told him just his morning that Obi-Wan hated him. Maybe he was setting him up for a fall. Only time would tell. He had sensed a year ago that Obi-Wan had resisted his Master's arguments that he should be trained. Obi-Wan thought he was dangerous. If the Knight was setting him up or tried to turned the Council against him, he would find out just how dangerous Anakin could be. In the meantime he would take his offer of help. It was important that he be the perfect cooperative padawan. He doubted that it would work, but if it did it would be nice to make some friends. He hadn't had any friends since Tatooine. He missed Greedo and Kitster. He also missed his moth---- Anakin force the thought from his mind taking the pain and forcing it into the box.
Checking his shields he turned to Qui-Gon "Can we Master?"
Qui-Gon hearing the obvious desperation in the boy's voice nodded and gestured that he would follow them.
Obi-Wan would have none of it though. For the plan to work they would need to enter together destroying any doubt that there were hard feelings between Obi-Wan and Anakin. He maneuvered himself between the two of them. Concentrating his attention on Anakin for more than one reason he activated the Dining Hall door. The three of them entered the Dining Hall the picture of long lost friends. Obi-Wan doubted that any of the Masters or Knights would be fooled but the Padawans would be easily convinced.
There was a silence that fell on the hall as they entered. It was indicative of the amount of Temple gossip Qui-Gon and Anakin's return had generated. Anakin stiffened slightly but Obi-Wan appeared not to notice as he continued to discuss which foods Anakin would want to avoid in line and which were edible.
Once their food was secured Obi-Wan led them both to a section of Padawan tables. He selected carefully the one which they would sit at though it appeared to everyone else it had been a casual decision.
After initial introductions Obi-Wan managed to engage both Anakin and the other Padawans in a lively debate on the necessity for taking astronavigation courses when ships now have nav computers. In the end Anakin was one of the leaders of the opposition and to his delight had several of his new found friends encouraging him as he led the charge against the good natured knight. Conceding to his arguing techniques Obi- Wan reluctantly tabled the issue with good grace and commented on the possibility of Anakin's future as a negotiator.
Once things seemed to be turning around for the boy, he made his excuses to leave, but not before giving Anakin's shoulder an affectionate squeeze, as well as, extracting promises from his favorite Padawans to take good care of his friend.
Qui-Gon watched the young Knight as he left the dining hall. They hadn't exchanged a single word throughout the entire meal. It had been difficult to sit so close and yet feel a wall between them. He had been tempted to reach out just to touch the man. To know that he was real and sitting beside him once more, but Qui-Gon had resisted the temptation fearing that it would have made matter worse.
Anakin seemed relaxed and surrounded by new friends. Qui-Gon felt compelled to follow Obi-Wan. They needed to work this thing out quickly. He also wanted to thank him for what he had just done for the boy who had replaced him.
Suddenly the words from their final night returned to haunt the older man.
//Obi-Wan's replacement/ /Qui-Gon shuddered.
"Anakin I just remembered something I must take care of. Can I trust that I will see you at sparring room twenty-two at the fourth hour?" Anakin looked at his Master with a great bit of confusion.
"We'll show him where it is Master Jinn." Padawan Meeke bowed her head in respect.
"Very good. Thank you Padawan. Until then Ani the afternoon is yours." Qui-Gon rose from the table and hurried out the door.
*********************
Obi-Wan was practically running from the Dining Hall. It had been more difficult than he had imagined sitting between Qui-Gon and Anakin. His plan had seemed to work in helping the young boy make some new friends at the Temple but the reward had come at a high cost to his own serenity. His mind reeled as he fought to sort through the various emotions that were assailing his mind and heart.
As he rounded the corner to the lifts he impacted with something or someone sending them tumbling to the floor. Quickly recovering he rose to his feet to help his poor victim. He recognized the laughter before he stared down at the face.
"Adi?" She was laughing so hard she couldn't respond right away.
Finally wiping a tear from her eye she met his gaze, "Kenobi we must stop meeting this way. "
He gave her a playful apologetic smile and offered her his hand. She grasped it catching him off guard and pulled him down to the floor beside her. His gasp was replaced by a moan as she kissed him deeply seeming to care little for the audience they had attracted.
"Better?" He asked pulling away too distracted to fully enjoy the moment.
"Much. By the way if you wanted to get me on my back all you had to do was ask." Her tone was sultry. She was surprised when he could only manage a weak smile. He helped her to her feet. "Where were you going in such a hurry?" She asked concern rising in her voice.
She straightened her cloak casting a warning glance around at any and all subordinates who had remained to watch the rest of the scene. What crowd had gathered immediately began dispersing. There were some advantages to being a Master and Council Member.
"It was more like hurrying away from someone." He gestured back in the direction of the Dining Hall. She seemed confused until she looked down the hall where Obi-Wan had indicated and saw Qui-Gon heading their way.
"Don't look now but I believe you are being pursued." She said irritation underlining her words.
Obi-Wan turned and met Qui-Gon's eyes. He felt caught. He couldn't pretend that he hadn't seen the Master approaching and therefore had no recourse but to stand his ground and wait.
"Obi-Wan." He heard his ex-Master hail him. His voice sounded casual and relaxed. This caused Obi-Wan to stiffen more. He stood replacing the small smile he had been wearing with a look of Jedi serenity as he folded his hands inside of his sleeves.
"Master Jinn." He once again sounded polite but detached.
Qui-Gon smiled hesitantly and then regarded Master Gallia. "Adi, it is good to see you again."
"Master Jinn-" Adi began but he immediately interrupted her.
"Master Jinn? You haven't called me that since your appointment to the Council. Come now Adi." His voice was pleading with a bit of frustration bleeding through.
"Qui-Gon." She conceded with no warmth nodding to him with an indifferent smile.
Then turning to Obi-Wan she placed her hand upon his arm and held him in a reassuring gaze. Smiling as she looked into his sea change eyes she asked, "We are still meeting at the second hour correct?" Obi-Wan returned her smile silently thanking her for her support his gratitude shining back at her in his eyes.
She turned and left. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood watching as she made her way to the Dining Hall. Once again Qui-Gon was filled with curiosity about their relationship. He fought down the wave of envy that rose within him. He should be happy for Obi-Wan not lusting after the object of the young man's affection. He spoke still watching the lovely Master until she disappeared from view.
"I knew she always liked you but I never thought--" Qui-Gon's thoughts were interrupted by Obi-Wan.
"What did you wish to discuss with me and for the record my personal life is not up for speculation or discussion." His voice sounded hard to his own ears.
He didn't want to be alone with this man. The last time that they had been alone he had been in Qui-Gon's bedroom. Things had been said. Terrible things that could never be taken back nor could time ever heal the scars left in their wake. He had planned on facing the man alone eventually but not until the Force helped him to find peace with the past. He was not ready yet. He had to escape.
"I understand." Qui-Gon nodded absently. " I wanted to thank you for what you did in there for Anakin. Apparently he has had a difficult morning. You have several defenders in this Temple. They seem to blame him for what happened between us. " Qui-Gon paused taking in the curious onlookers passing them. " Ah Temple life, I had forgotten how it can be." He smiled anxiously.
He felt nervous speaking to the man before him. He was tempted to reach out through the bond, but was afraid of Obi-Wan's reaction. He hated all the formality between them. He longed for things to be the way that they had been before. He had caught himself basking in the laughter and conversation at the dining table before. Only then had he remembered all the meals that they had shared. He wanted the smiles and jokes to be for his amusement once more. Surely he could fix this. They had been through rough times before and they had always worked things out. He felt certain that they would work this out as well.
"The Temple has its good and bad points. I am happy to have been of assistance to him. I hold no ill will towards Anakin at all for what occurred. " Obi-Wan left the rest unspoken.
"But you do have ill will towards me. Right?" Qui-Gon met the younger man's eyes and refused to look away. Obi-Wan shifted uncomfortably. Qui- Gon knew that if he could just get Obi-Wan to confront what had gone wrong then together they could work out how it could be made right. Confronting was the first step.
"This is neither the time nor the place for this discussion." Obi-Wan gestured for Qui-Gon to notice the number of Masters, Knights, and Padawans who were within ear shot.
"Then when and where? Because have no doubt my padawan we will have this discussion." Qui-Gon lowered his voice respecting the younger man's wishes. Obi-Wan had visibly flinched at the title which had easily rolled off of Qui-Gon's lips.
"I don't see that we have anything to discuss. So I guess the answer would be never and nowhere." He hadn't meant to sound disrespectful but knew that he had.
Qui-Gon stepped closer losing a measure of his patience in the process. He lowered his voice once more clinching his teeth tight. "You forget yourself Knight Kenobi. I am a Master in this Order and you will show me the respect I have earned." Obi-Wan felt the anger swell within him.
//Not this time.// He thought as he too lowered his voice into a menacing whisper.
"And if I don't are you going to force push me against the wall and hold me there until I comply?" He had meant to hurt and by the look in Qui-Gon's eyes he had succeeded.
"No." Qui-Gon hissed visibly shaken by the words. "That was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that." His anger replaced by sudden insecurity and regret.
"What about throwing me away? Was that a mistake? Should you have done that? Oh wait that's right my whole apprenticeship was a mistake. You should have left me on Bandomeer. Isn't that what we decided last year?"
Obi-Wan was on the offense now stepping towards Qui-Gon causing the older man to take an awkward step in retreat.
"And one more thing MASTER Don't you EVER call me YOUR PADAWAN again. That is not YOUR right." Obi-Wan's eyes were blazing burning into the man who had once been his master.
//If you want to have this talk than by Force let's have it. //Obi-Wan thought.
"No, I mean yes that is what we said but no you--- your apprenticeship was not a mistake----I never meant to---I-- I know it seems as though I-it was painful but no it wasn't a mistake. I had to take Anakin. Anakin---"
"Yes Master?" His Padawan interrupted as he came within ear shot. He was walking with several of the young boys and girls Obi-Wan had introduced him to in the Dining Hall.
Qui-Gon was completely undone. His mind whirling with so many emotions, explanations, longings, he couldn't make sense of any of it. His forehead felt damp and his mouth was dry. He felt out of breath and weak. He turned to face Anakin but found he couldn't speak.
"There you are." Obi-Wan called out to Anakin his tone immediately lightening as he recovered from the confrontation. "Your Master was just talking about you. I will have to take my leave now Master Jinn." Obi-Wan continued attempting to sound at least mildly apologetic for Anakin's sake, "Thank you for the insights they were most enlightening." He bowed to the Padawans including Anakin and left.
His mind was a washed with anger, frustration, hurt, and despair. He had to talk to someone. He had to sort this out. Old pains and broken promises savagely strangled him from within. The pain was unbearable. How could he have spoken to Qui-Gon with such distain? He had wanted to hurt the man. He wanted the Master to feel some small measure of the pain that had been inflicted upon him. This was not the conduct of a Jedi. No matter what Qui-Gon had done Obi-Wan could not give in to these dark emotions. He would not give in to the darkness and the need for revenge.
//What have I done?// He asked himself reaching out to the Force for guidance. Without even thinking he found himself in front of Yoda's door.
/Please be home./ He sent through the bond. Instantly the door opened and he knew that his plea had been heard.
Rating: I wish I knew. I am putting it at PG-13 just because I don't know any better and would rather err on the safe side.
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
**********************************************************************
The morning in the crèche had been as enjoyable as always despite Obi-Wan's fatigue. Adi's presence had been a wonderful surprise. He smiled inwardly at the thought of her.
He yawned and exited the lift on the dining level. He hoped to find Garen around, but looking at the chronometer realized he had probably missed him. He would have to call him later and apologize. He had forgotten about their lunch date.
He had been preoccupied with other things. His mind turned back to thoughts of Qui-Gon. It had felt so strange seeing him but not feeling him. One minute he wanted to have no connection to the man and then the next he wanted to open his mind and feel that steady serenity once more.
He had missed Qui-Gon so much this past year. Of course he couldn't admit that to anyone. They would have all said he was crazy or masochistic. He couldn't understand why Qui-Gon would never return his love. Why Qui-Gon found it so easy to walk away from him? He shook his head. He had meditated for the vast majority of the night only giving up when he realized he wasn't ready to find the answer.
As he made his way to the Dining Hall he stopped short at the scene he found playing out before him outside the hall's door. Qui-Gon was talking to what appeared to be a very upset Anakin. Obi-Wan wanted to look away but found that he couldn't.
It was obvious that Anakin was beyond consolation. His first day must have been rougher than he had expected. Obi-Wan debated on whether he should intervene of not. He wasn't sure the boy or his Master would appreciate his interference.
Obi-Wan remembered those first painful years he had spent trying to find friendship among his age mates. He had always felt a bit left out and alone. He had always slightly envied the Padawans who could fit in so easily. It had taken him years to understand that all he had endured had served to prepare him for the missions which lay before him.
Qui-Gon had tried to comfort him during those difficult days but his words had meant very little to him. There was only so much a Master could do. Several Knights and Padawans passed him as he stood deliberating on which course of action to take. Obi-Wan was very well liked around the Temple now. It had taken awhile but eventually it seemed everyone had come to accept him for his strengths. Of course he never wasted any time on such trivial concerns as popularity. He was just grateful for the friends the Force had sent his way.
A group of Padawans Anakin's age walked past him inviting him to join them at their table. Obi-Wan just smiled. He was aware that more than one Padawan in the Temple had a crush on him. They were merely temporary infatuations. He had had plenty himself at their age. He watched as this same group walked by Anakin whispering and laughing as they did so. Obi- Wan knew then that he could help the boy and even if they refused his offer it was an offer he had to extend anyway.
******************
"Anakin I am sure it wasn't as bad as it seemed." Qui-Gon tried to comfort him.
Anakin was fighting back the sting of tears as a group of his age mates passed him erupting into whispers and then laughter. Anakin began losing the battle as a single tear trailed down his cheek. He looked away quickly so no one going into the Dining Hall would notice.
"It was terrible. They all hate me. They all love HIM and hate me." Anakin spoke with both anger and frustration.
Qui-Gon moved behind the boy placing his hands on his shoulders. "It isn't that they have to choose between you and Obi-Wan." He said soothingly.
//You did. That is why they hate me. You chose me. The Chosen One but they could careless who I am. I am nothing to them. // Anakin thought bitterly.
"They blame me for what you did to him. He hates me so they hate me." His voice broke slightly.
Qui-Gon could feel the misery radiating from the boy. Perhaps it had been a mistake to bring him back here. He had no idea that Obi-Wan had turned the Temple against them. It didn't seem like something the young man would do, but then again he had been very angry the last time he had seem him.
"Anakin?" Qui-Gon would have recognized that cultured voice anywhere.
Anakin turned to see who had called his name. He saw Obi-Wan standing there arms folded within the sleeves of his cloak. His first response was anger until he noticed that Obi-Wan's features were filled with compassion.
"You've really grown. You are going to be taller than I am in no time." Obi-Wan stepped past Qui-Gon without acknowledging him. "How are you liking the Temple?"
Anakin narrowed his eyes for moment. "I hate it." He said without apology.
"Really I wasn't always comfortable here either. It can't be easy coming in at mid-term." Obi-Wan could sense anger in the boy but also something else. He couldn't quite put a name to it. It was if the boy were purposing hiding something.
"The work isn't the problem." Anakin looked down slightly embarrassed.
"Making new friends isn't easy. Tell you what, why don't you come in here with me and we can have lunch together. We could catch up a bit."
"Why would you do that?" Anakin asked.
Anakin fought to keep the resentment and hatred out of his voice. He couldn't allow these emotions to show. He knew he was on trial before the Council Members. He also knew from other whispers he had overheard today that Obi-Wan was dating one of the Council Members. He was seeing the member who had rudely confronted his Master yesterday. The one who had stated that she still believed rejecting him had been the right decision.
Obi-Wan studied the boy for a moment. He sensed that Anakin was struggling with his emotions. For some reason he felt a warning through the Force that there was more going on with Anakin than first appeared. He found that odd, but would meditate more on it later. He had an uneasy feeling that his first inclination had been correct. Anakin's volatile and manipulative nature seemed to have increased over the past year. Obi-Wan sensed danger in the boy as he had a year before. He shook off his concerns looking past the padawan to the boy. Anakin was a boy. A boy who needed friends.
"I just thought maybe I could help." He smiled sincerely at the boy ready to step aside if his offer was rejected.
Anakin shot Qui-Gon a questioning glance. "I was suppose to eat with my Master."
"Well of course your Master may join us." Obi-Wan paused glancing in Qui- Gon's direction but not meeting the man's eyes.
" I am sure being new to the Temple that you haven't had a chance to meet all of the Padawans who are your age. Most of these beings have been raised together since birth. It might take a while for them to get to know you but once they do it will be fine." Obi-Wan placed a reassuring hand on Anakin's shoulder and smiled. " I know a great many of them. I want to make sure that they all understand what great FRIENDS we still are. Does that sound acceptable to you Master Jinn? "
Obi-Wan turned once more this time meeting Qui-Gon's gaze. He used his eyes to convey the necessity of this display. Qui-Gon was slightly taken aback. He felt ashamed that he had so readily believed that Obi-Wan had been involved in blaming Anakin for their conflict. He should have known better.
Anakin felt confused for a moment. Why would Obi-Wan want to help him? His age mates had told him just his morning that Obi-Wan hated him. Maybe he was setting him up for a fall. Only time would tell. He had sensed a year ago that Obi-Wan had resisted his Master's arguments that he should be trained. Obi-Wan thought he was dangerous. If the Knight was setting him up or tried to turned the Council against him, he would find out just how dangerous Anakin could be. In the meantime he would take his offer of help. It was important that he be the perfect cooperative padawan. He doubted that it would work, but if it did it would be nice to make some friends. He hadn't had any friends since Tatooine. He missed Greedo and Kitster. He also missed his moth---- Anakin force the thought from his mind taking the pain and forcing it into the box.
Checking his shields he turned to Qui-Gon "Can we Master?"
Qui-Gon hearing the obvious desperation in the boy's voice nodded and gestured that he would follow them.
Obi-Wan would have none of it though. For the plan to work they would need to enter together destroying any doubt that there were hard feelings between Obi-Wan and Anakin. He maneuvered himself between the two of them. Concentrating his attention on Anakin for more than one reason he activated the Dining Hall door. The three of them entered the Dining Hall the picture of long lost friends. Obi-Wan doubted that any of the Masters or Knights would be fooled but the Padawans would be easily convinced.
There was a silence that fell on the hall as they entered. It was indicative of the amount of Temple gossip Qui-Gon and Anakin's return had generated. Anakin stiffened slightly but Obi-Wan appeared not to notice as he continued to discuss which foods Anakin would want to avoid in line and which were edible.
Once their food was secured Obi-Wan led them both to a section of Padawan tables. He selected carefully the one which they would sit at though it appeared to everyone else it had been a casual decision.
After initial introductions Obi-Wan managed to engage both Anakin and the other Padawans in a lively debate on the necessity for taking astronavigation courses when ships now have nav computers. In the end Anakin was one of the leaders of the opposition and to his delight had several of his new found friends encouraging him as he led the charge against the good natured knight. Conceding to his arguing techniques Obi- Wan reluctantly tabled the issue with good grace and commented on the possibility of Anakin's future as a negotiator.
Once things seemed to be turning around for the boy, he made his excuses to leave, but not before giving Anakin's shoulder an affectionate squeeze, as well as, extracting promises from his favorite Padawans to take good care of his friend.
Qui-Gon watched the young Knight as he left the dining hall. They hadn't exchanged a single word throughout the entire meal. It had been difficult to sit so close and yet feel a wall between them. He had been tempted to reach out just to touch the man. To know that he was real and sitting beside him once more, but Qui-Gon had resisted the temptation fearing that it would have made matter worse.
Anakin seemed relaxed and surrounded by new friends. Qui-Gon felt compelled to follow Obi-Wan. They needed to work this thing out quickly. He also wanted to thank him for what he had just done for the boy who had replaced him.
Suddenly the words from their final night returned to haunt the older man.
//Obi-Wan's replacement/ /Qui-Gon shuddered.
"Anakin I just remembered something I must take care of. Can I trust that I will see you at sparring room twenty-two at the fourth hour?" Anakin looked at his Master with a great bit of confusion.
"We'll show him where it is Master Jinn." Padawan Meeke bowed her head in respect.
"Very good. Thank you Padawan. Until then Ani the afternoon is yours." Qui-Gon rose from the table and hurried out the door.
*********************
Obi-Wan was practically running from the Dining Hall. It had been more difficult than he had imagined sitting between Qui-Gon and Anakin. His plan had seemed to work in helping the young boy make some new friends at the Temple but the reward had come at a high cost to his own serenity. His mind reeled as he fought to sort through the various emotions that were assailing his mind and heart.
As he rounded the corner to the lifts he impacted with something or someone sending them tumbling to the floor. Quickly recovering he rose to his feet to help his poor victim. He recognized the laughter before he stared down at the face.
"Adi?" She was laughing so hard she couldn't respond right away.
Finally wiping a tear from her eye she met his gaze, "Kenobi we must stop meeting this way. "
He gave her a playful apologetic smile and offered her his hand. She grasped it catching him off guard and pulled him down to the floor beside her. His gasp was replaced by a moan as she kissed him deeply seeming to care little for the audience they had attracted.
"Better?" He asked pulling away too distracted to fully enjoy the moment.
"Much. By the way if you wanted to get me on my back all you had to do was ask." Her tone was sultry. She was surprised when he could only manage a weak smile. He helped her to her feet. "Where were you going in such a hurry?" She asked concern rising in her voice.
She straightened her cloak casting a warning glance around at any and all subordinates who had remained to watch the rest of the scene. What crowd had gathered immediately began dispersing. There were some advantages to being a Master and Council Member.
"It was more like hurrying away from someone." He gestured back in the direction of the Dining Hall. She seemed confused until she looked down the hall where Obi-Wan had indicated and saw Qui-Gon heading their way.
"Don't look now but I believe you are being pursued." She said irritation underlining her words.
Obi-Wan turned and met Qui-Gon's eyes. He felt caught. He couldn't pretend that he hadn't seen the Master approaching and therefore had no recourse but to stand his ground and wait.
"Obi-Wan." He heard his ex-Master hail him. His voice sounded casual and relaxed. This caused Obi-Wan to stiffen more. He stood replacing the small smile he had been wearing with a look of Jedi serenity as he folded his hands inside of his sleeves.
"Master Jinn." He once again sounded polite but detached.
Qui-Gon smiled hesitantly and then regarded Master Gallia. "Adi, it is good to see you again."
"Master Jinn-" Adi began but he immediately interrupted her.
"Master Jinn? You haven't called me that since your appointment to the Council. Come now Adi." His voice was pleading with a bit of frustration bleeding through.
"Qui-Gon." She conceded with no warmth nodding to him with an indifferent smile.
Then turning to Obi-Wan she placed her hand upon his arm and held him in a reassuring gaze. Smiling as she looked into his sea change eyes she asked, "We are still meeting at the second hour correct?" Obi-Wan returned her smile silently thanking her for her support his gratitude shining back at her in his eyes.
She turned and left. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood watching as she made her way to the Dining Hall. Once again Qui-Gon was filled with curiosity about their relationship. He fought down the wave of envy that rose within him. He should be happy for Obi-Wan not lusting after the object of the young man's affection. He spoke still watching the lovely Master until she disappeared from view.
"I knew she always liked you but I never thought--" Qui-Gon's thoughts were interrupted by Obi-Wan.
"What did you wish to discuss with me and for the record my personal life is not up for speculation or discussion." His voice sounded hard to his own ears.
He didn't want to be alone with this man. The last time that they had been alone he had been in Qui-Gon's bedroom. Things had been said. Terrible things that could never be taken back nor could time ever heal the scars left in their wake. He had planned on facing the man alone eventually but not until the Force helped him to find peace with the past. He was not ready yet. He had to escape.
"I understand." Qui-Gon nodded absently. " I wanted to thank you for what you did in there for Anakin. Apparently he has had a difficult morning. You have several defenders in this Temple. They seem to blame him for what happened between us. " Qui-Gon paused taking in the curious onlookers passing them. " Ah Temple life, I had forgotten how it can be." He smiled anxiously.
He felt nervous speaking to the man before him. He was tempted to reach out through the bond, but was afraid of Obi-Wan's reaction. He hated all the formality between them. He longed for things to be the way that they had been before. He had caught himself basking in the laughter and conversation at the dining table before. Only then had he remembered all the meals that they had shared. He wanted the smiles and jokes to be for his amusement once more. Surely he could fix this. They had been through rough times before and they had always worked things out. He felt certain that they would work this out as well.
"The Temple has its good and bad points. I am happy to have been of assistance to him. I hold no ill will towards Anakin at all for what occurred. " Obi-Wan left the rest unspoken.
"But you do have ill will towards me. Right?" Qui-Gon met the younger man's eyes and refused to look away. Obi-Wan shifted uncomfortably. Qui- Gon knew that if he could just get Obi-Wan to confront what had gone wrong then together they could work out how it could be made right. Confronting was the first step.
"This is neither the time nor the place for this discussion." Obi-Wan gestured for Qui-Gon to notice the number of Masters, Knights, and Padawans who were within ear shot.
"Then when and where? Because have no doubt my padawan we will have this discussion." Qui-Gon lowered his voice respecting the younger man's wishes. Obi-Wan had visibly flinched at the title which had easily rolled off of Qui-Gon's lips.
"I don't see that we have anything to discuss. So I guess the answer would be never and nowhere." He hadn't meant to sound disrespectful but knew that he had.
Qui-Gon stepped closer losing a measure of his patience in the process. He lowered his voice once more clinching his teeth tight. "You forget yourself Knight Kenobi. I am a Master in this Order and you will show me the respect I have earned." Obi-Wan felt the anger swell within him.
//Not this time.// He thought as he too lowered his voice into a menacing whisper.
"And if I don't are you going to force push me against the wall and hold me there until I comply?" He had meant to hurt and by the look in Qui-Gon's eyes he had succeeded.
"No." Qui-Gon hissed visibly shaken by the words. "That was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that." His anger replaced by sudden insecurity and regret.
"What about throwing me away? Was that a mistake? Should you have done that? Oh wait that's right my whole apprenticeship was a mistake. You should have left me on Bandomeer. Isn't that what we decided last year?"
Obi-Wan was on the offense now stepping towards Qui-Gon causing the older man to take an awkward step in retreat.
"And one more thing MASTER Don't you EVER call me YOUR PADAWAN again. That is not YOUR right." Obi-Wan's eyes were blazing burning into the man who had once been his master.
//If you want to have this talk than by Force let's have it. //Obi-Wan thought.
"No, I mean yes that is what we said but no you--- your apprenticeship was not a mistake----I never meant to---I-- I know it seems as though I-it was painful but no it wasn't a mistake. I had to take Anakin. Anakin---"
"Yes Master?" His Padawan interrupted as he came within ear shot. He was walking with several of the young boys and girls Obi-Wan had introduced him to in the Dining Hall.
Qui-Gon was completely undone. His mind whirling with so many emotions, explanations, longings, he couldn't make sense of any of it. His forehead felt damp and his mouth was dry. He felt out of breath and weak. He turned to face Anakin but found he couldn't speak.
"There you are." Obi-Wan called out to Anakin his tone immediately lightening as he recovered from the confrontation. "Your Master was just talking about you. I will have to take my leave now Master Jinn." Obi-Wan continued attempting to sound at least mildly apologetic for Anakin's sake, "Thank you for the insights they were most enlightening." He bowed to the Padawans including Anakin and left.
His mind was a washed with anger, frustration, hurt, and despair. He had to talk to someone. He had to sort this out. Old pains and broken promises savagely strangled him from within. The pain was unbearable. How could he have spoken to Qui-Gon with such distain? He had wanted to hurt the man. He wanted the Master to feel some small measure of the pain that had been inflicted upon him. This was not the conduct of a Jedi. No matter what Qui-Gon had done Obi-Wan could not give in to these dark emotions. He would not give in to the darkness and the need for revenge.
//What have I done?// He asked himself reaching out to the Force for guidance. Without even thinking he found himself in front of Yoda's door.
/Please be home./ He sent through the bond. Instantly the door opened and he knew that his plea had been heard.