pureVENOM: Whoo!! My first NON-script humor fic!!! OMG!!!! FEAR ME!!
I don't own Invader Zim!! The GREAT and ALMIGHTY Jhonen Vasquez does!! ALL WORSHIP HIM!!
The Idiot Trio Wars is the sequel to my Failure and Change fic!! Still, it isn't really necessary to read. I'm gonna try to write this fic as humorous, strange, and well as I can. I'm trying to get that IZ episodey feel. Hopefully, my PATHETIC Earthenoid writing skills can do this alright...
Firstly, I'm gonna do a profile-thingy. Why?? It's kinda traditional, I think. And it sorta gives ya a feel fer da characters, and what I think of them. Also, it's pretty fuuun!!!
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The Idiot Trio Wars
Chapter One: The Faces of DOOMY EVIL
-----------------
Alrighty then! First of all, let's do a lil' profile-thingy for some of the characters!! Course, no character in the great IZ is NOT major, but, there're really too many to profile, so I'm jes gonna do SOME...
Zim-- "HAH! You flatter yourself, Wing-beast! Earth is the property of ZIM!!"
Zim is an egotistical, yet very formidable Irken soldier. He doesn't have much of a sense of humor, but is quite funny himself. ^.^ Hehe... I love him...
He despises Earthenoids with all his lil' heart. ESPECIALLY those HORRIBLE Dib, Gaz, and Fausta/Kil beasts. Why Gaz? Well, he never really did forgive her for the time she saved Dib. Lately, he's also taken a deep hatred to his own people. Yeah... So don't mess with him! He's been REALLY grumpy.
Some of the only things he DOES like are DOOMY weapons, hurting his rivals, victories, and of course, his WONDERFUL and almighty self.
Zim's recent discovery that he wasn't a real invader was a huge blow to him, and is very painful. **sniff!!** Yet it makes him all the more deadly. .... Yaaaay!!! No, that's a BAD thing. .... YAAAY!!!!
Our favorite power-hungry Irken soldier continues to try to conquer Earth, wanting to prove himself to.... well, himself!! He may not be this way for long... **shrug** Change is always good... **blink** Okay, well, not ALWAYS.
Dib-- "I'll stop you two!! ...Right AFTER I finish this Cherry Poop."
Ah, Dib. An incredibly intelligent Human interested in the paranormal. He was experimented on as a baby by unknown aliens, becoming super-smart, and aspires to become a paranormal investigator when he's older. And for some reason, Bigfoot often stays in the garage of his home. ... Bigfoot... o.O;;;
Much of Dib's time for the past five years had been devoted to studying Zim, saving Earth from him, and trying to capture/reveal/kill him, and he's very UN-happy about the new psychotic threat to Earth.
Dib totally HATES Zim and Fausta, 'cause ya know, since they're trying to take over Earth. And he also hates his classmates since they're so STUPID, and they make fun of him, and think he's crazy. Oh, WHY CAN'T THEY SEE?!!? **cough**
Anyhoo, he'll stop at almost nothing to get rid of his planet's two threats, and he fears nothing but Bitters and his sister. **wiggles fingers** Eviiilll.... Eviiilll....
Fausta-- "Soon, the world will be MINE.... Mwa haha..."
Oh no... Not HER. **sigh** A sadistic member of an Earthen race, before completely unknown to Humans. She is at the lowest possible ranking of the Wing Invaders (Onyx Wings) and dreams of someday being at the top (Platinum Wings). She's the first of her kind to even WANT to control Earth, their miserable home-planet, and is well... working on conquering it!
Her big cousin Faust, who likes sugar, caffiene, and cutting stuff up, is a Platinum Wing (Irk knows how HE made it to the top... -__-) and is Fausta's overseer. His judgement will greatly affect her ranking, but she doesn't seem to really care, as she just HATES him.
Fausta also hates Zim, Dib, her other self, and... well, just about everything! Still, she respects her two rivals, since their resistance will boost her ranking a little once (or IF) she conquers Earth.
As a Wing Invader, she was genetically engineered by her creators (yes, Wing Invaders are test-tube babies, like Irkens) to be able to manipulate her cells' actions, giving her abilities such as rapid healing, changing form, and renewing vital organs (think immortality). Yeek! Not good!! Hehe... Let's do something to these powers later on...
Kil-- "But... but... muffins are REALLY yummiful!!"
Um... A name GIR came up with when he first met her. (Fausta had crash-landed in Zim's front yard, due to EVIL DEATH BEE collision, and was in a foul mood. Those annoying lawn gnomes bothered her and she started destroying them. The noise brought GIR over and his sheer idiocy caused Fausta's long-suppressed other self to emerge.)
Kil likes eating, video gaming, drawing, and reading, and has an INTENSE fear of needles, tacos, and the Scary Monkey. She's also hopelessly hyper and insane. SOMEONE, please. Just shoot her NOW.
--Well, the Idiot Wars revolves pretty much around these three.... I think. Ya never know 'til ya start writing!! Still, they're not the ONLY characters! Let's meet ANOTHER evil sadist, and the two great and glorious G's!!--
Mr. Bitters-- "Silence, or I'll hang you from the DISGUSTING doorframe by your DOOMed toenails."
Well, he's NOT Human. Yeah, never was, never will be. He controls the lives of Zim, Dib, and Fausta, and the other students while they're in his class.
He's the older brother of the infamous Skool teacher, Ms. Bitters, and "teaches" Geometry in High Skool (spelled Hi Skool by some).
Mr. Bitters's, like his younger sister, has an affinity to roaches, and they scout the skool for any of his students that may be cutting class or punishment. Scary... O.o;;;;;
He has a nefarious reputation for torturing and killing students, and highly hates some of his more annoying ones (think a certain trio of rivals). (Un!?)Fortunately, the Skool Board says that he has to start giving more REASONABLE and HUMANE punishments. However, his ideas of reasonable and humane may be a bit different than the Board's...
ALL FEAR THE BITTERS!!!
GIR-- "Is it the moose again??"
Aww!! Zim's lil' robot slave! GIR was given to him by the Almighty Tallests Red and Purple. He's made out of a broken SIR unit and random pocket junk.
GIR's more of a hindrance than a help to Zim, as he tends to leave doors and windows open, and having food delivered to the base. He's generally not much of a guard, but has his occasional moments of obediance and seriousness.
He's pretty much an insane couch potato with a taste for Human food. He's also EXTREMELY cute, (though, not cuter than Zim!) sweet, naive, and innocent. GIR's really nice, and loyal.
He likes spending time with Kil, since she seems to be the only person who understands him. ...Are you scared too...?
Ooh! And he has a green puppy costume, and likes squeaky toys!! Hehe!! **cough**
Gaz-- "If you make me lose this life, you weirdo, I will make you wish you had never been created."
She is Dib's younger sister, and... She. Loves. Video games. Her skills in the world of video games are unmatched. DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT IGGINS-FIEND!!!
Everyone seems to annoy her, and her hobbies include video gaming, video gaming, eating pizza, reading, and oh, let's not forget video gaming.
Gaz is usually a very nice (HAH!) and quiet gal, but bother her, and you'll be thrown into a HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE WORLD FROM WHICH THERE IS NO RETURN!! And no, it's not in yours or Dib's huge heads. Hm. I wonder what level she's on now...
--Well, there're other characters too, but these're the ones I'm writin'!! So... enjoy my fic, please!! GIR and Kil will sing the Doom Song for you! Now, for the actual fic!!! The Idiot Wars shall start! MWA HAHAHAHA-- **cough, hack!!**-- Hahaha...
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Dib scowled. Zim was alive. And still a threat to Humanity. He could see the evil glint in his eyes. The alien had been glaring hatefully at him since he staggered into class.
Dib had to admit though, it was great seeing Zim all bandaged and casted up and in pain.
The Irken, though seriously injured, had come to skool. Well, of course he had. Everyone knows Mr. Bitters hated it when his students were absent. Who knows what he was going to do to the students who were out sick...
He'd probably hot-glue-gun them to the ceiling for an hour again, and then make them clean up the gluey mess.
Well, at least that weirdo Fausta wasn't around...
"Dib, Zim. Stop glaring at each other before I blind you two in some horribly painful way and use your unseeing eyes as bases in strange experiments." Mr. Bitters twiddled his long, bony fingers, and stared at the opposite wall.
A roach scuttled down his arm, and onto his desk, squeaking something. It then ran out of the classroom. A janitor walked by, stepping on it. Mr. Bitters hissed angrily, but decided against doing anything. He had a few thousand more of the things, after all.
Zim and Dib turned back to memorizing their horrible textbooks.
"Oh yeah, class," Bitters started dully. "We have a new, strange, and also extremely DOOMed addition to our HORRIBLE class. His name is Fausta. Come in, NOW, you stupid boy."
An awfully familiar-looking person walked into the class, with an indignant look.
"I'm a GIRL, Sir," she stated, annoyed. It was Fausta. Minus the wings.
She dressed in a white T-shirt with a pair of silvery wings drawn on the front, black jeans, black gloves, and a black trenchcoat. The same wing motif was used on the coat, at the right arm, and the jeans, lower left leg. Her hair was tied with a long black ribbon, just a few inches from the ends.
"The files here say you're a BOY, Fausta. Argue with me again, and your teeth will be given as donations to the tooth fairy. I still owe him a couple score of dollars," Bitters growled in reply.
Fausta scratched her head, but decided not to say anything more. She was an invader of the Wings, but she didn't know what on Earth the teacher was. But he wasn't Human. ... Hey, did this mean that the tootah fairy was REAL?? ...And she was a HE?? ... Fausta was confused!!
Dib and Zim stared wide-eyed, pointing at the new girl. She smirked back at them maliciously and waved. A cold glare from her teacher stopped her.
"Um... Where do I sit, Sir?" she asked, nonchalantly.
"AN ALIEN!! SHE'S AN ALIEN!!!" Dib cried.
"I'm NOT an alien. I told you that already, mortal," Fausta snarled back at him disdainfully. Why couldn't mortals ever learn...?
"Oh yeah. Sorry. Force of habit." Dib cleared his throat. "MONSTER!! SHE'S TRYING TO CONQUER EARTH!!!"
Several paper balls hit Dib in the head, followed by many 'be quiets'. The other students seemed to be really fed up with this stuff.
"Wait, how do you KNOW about that?" Fausta asked, blinking. "I didn't tell YOU yet."
"GIR did," Zim answered for his Human rival, rolling his lensed eyes. "I can't believe he believed him."
"Even though it was the truth?" she questioned.
The trio's conversation was stopped abruptly by Mr. Bitters's snakey voice.
"Since I accidentally," Mr. Bitters said 'accidentally' moving his fingers in the quoting expression. "Ran down Zita with my car yesterday, and she won't be with us for a few months, you can take her seat between Zim and Dib. They seem to like you already."
Fausta snorted and quickly took the seat. "Well, hiya, guys!" she announced coldly to the two.
"If any of you want to say something to the new," Bitters glared at Fausta. "BOY, say so now, or forever regret your pathetic present actions."
"Why are YOU here, you schizoid Wing-beast?" Zim sighed. She may have saved him, but she was planning on taking over Earth and killing them all anyway, so what was the point of caring?
"I wanted to keep an eye on you two," she replied. "All invaders know that observation is the key to success."
Zim let out a little bit of false coughing, stuffing in a 'whatdoyouknowyoufilthywingbeast' in the middle of it.
Fausta scowled. Her all-time favorite facial expression.
"Hey! Didn't ANYONE hear that, or CARE about that!? She just ADMITTED to being an invader!!" Dib exclaimed. What was WRONG with everyone!? Proof was right in front of them and they wouldn't even bat an eyelash!!
There were some 'be quiet, you crazy person's and more paper throwing.
"Ow! Hey, that one gave me a papercut!!" Dib whined.
Fausta cackled madly at that. "You plan to save your world, and you can't handle a little PAPERCUT!? HAH!! Soon, the world will be MINE... Mwa haha..."
Zim leapt up as best as he could, with all his bandages and casts on. "HAH! You flatter yourself, Wing-beast! Earth is the property of ZIM!!"
Fausta stalked up to the raging Irken and pushed him roughly with a hand. He went toppling over.
"AGH!" There was a loud crash as he fell. "You... may have won... THIS time, Fausta-beast... But--"
Fausta had a dull expression on. She tipped the table over, letting it fall on the grounded alien. He gave a pained gasp.
Fausta grinned and went back to her seat.
Dib liked this. But... Wait. Both Fausta and Zim wanted to conquer Earth. He DIDN'T like this part...
"This stinks..." he sighed. Dib pulled a Cherry Poop from a deep pocket, popped it open, and took a swig. The boy then took a deep breath and prepared his bravest, bestest voice. "Zim! Fausta! I don't know what you're planning! But it can't be good!! You know why!? Because I know you two are trying to conquer Earth! And, that's NOT good!! I'll stop you two!!"
Dib licked his lips. The addictiveness of the caffienated soda was getting to him.
"...Right AFTER I finish this Cherry Poop." He took another sip, longer this time.
There was a bit of low growling from the front desk. "All right. You've all talked long enough. And Dib, did you bring enough soda for everyone?? If not, put it away right now," Mr. Bitters hissed.
Dib pulled out several packs of six Cherry Poops from his pockets and showed them to Bitters.
"....... I still will not tolerate those HORRIBLE drinks of misery-stealing goodness in MY classroom."
A swarm of roaches then stormed up to Dib and carried away the soda.
Dib frowned. He was about to take another sip as it was snatched away by a long tendril of an arm, from Mr. Bitters.
"Now, everyone." He glared at Fausta, Dib, and Zim, who was still on the ground, wincing in pain. "Silence, or I'll hang you from the DISGUSTING doorframe by your DOOMed toenails."
"If we all even HAVE toenails," Dib muttered towards Fausta and Zim.
Fausta shot him a glare that read, 'Mortal FOOL! Of COURSE I have toenails!'
"Zim, get up, you green imbecile." Mr. Bitters watched the Irken with disinterest. "Do you want ALL of your ribs shattered?"
Zim's eyes shot wide open, and he scrambled up, ignoring the stabs of pain searing through his body.
Fausta liked how the day was going. Her little smiled widened a bit. And then a little more. Wait... There was something wrong!! She couldn't stop her smile!!
A look of horror flickered over her eyes.
Dib took notice of this behavior and jotted down some notes. He'd taken some notes earlier too, so now the notebook read something like this:
-that weirdo Fausta is in my 1st per class! -She doesn't have the wings. strange.
-She doesn't like Bitters. good.
-she hates Zim. VERY good.
-She HURT Zim!! very VERY good!!!
-she hates me too. not good.
-no one BELIEveS she wants to conquer Earth. very BAD. Those IDIOTS
-Oh yeah. Bitters says she's a boy. Bwa hahahahaah!!!
-she looks scared now. what's wrong...
"Mr. Bitterssss!!" the new girl called an a sickly sweet tone.
"What, do you want, you monster?" he snarled in reply.
"MUFFINS!!!" she exclaimed.
Mr. Bitters raised a thin silvery eyebrow, then frowned in contempt. "Get to memorizing your textbook, or face my HORRIBLE DOOMy wrath, Fausta."
"My name is Kil!!" Kil shouted, giddily.
" 'Kill'...?" he questioned, as if she were crazy. And she was.
"Yeth!! ... Oh wait... Um..." Kil shrugged. "But... but... muffins are REALLY yummiful!!" she cried, in a protesting tone.
Mr. Bitters growled animalistically. He threw a nearby, very conveniently placed Geometry book at her face. It hit with a loud 'SMACK'.
Immediately, Kil's mindless mind reverted back to Fausta's psychotic one.
She took the heavy book, and rubbed her bruised cheek. "Thank you, Sir!!" She then flipped it open and pretended to read, while really trying to plot out ways to gain control of Earth.
Dib sighed quietly and shook his head while taking down more notes. This was going to be a long day...
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pureVENOM: Well, I'm gonna stop here. Please review!! I have lots more planned!! I hope ya like this! I'm gonna try to make the rest funnier!!
I don't own Invader Zim!! The GREAT and ALMIGHTY Jhonen Vasquez does!! ALL WORSHIP HIM!!
The Idiot Trio Wars is the sequel to my Failure and Change fic!! Still, it isn't really necessary to read. I'm gonna try to write this fic as humorous, strange, and well as I can. I'm trying to get that IZ episodey feel. Hopefully, my PATHETIC Earthenoid writing skills can do this alright...
Firstly, I'm gonna do a profile-thingy. Why?? It's kinda traditional, I think. And it sorta gives ya a feel fer da characters, and what I think of them. Also, it's pretty fuuun!!!
-----------------
The Idiot Trio Wars
Chapter One: The Faces of DOOMY EVIL
-----------------
Alrighty then! First of all, let's do a lil' profile-thingy for some of the characters!! Course, no character in the great IZ is NOT major, but, there're really too many to profile, so I'm jes gonna do SOME...
Zim-- "HAH! You flatter yourself, Wing-beast! Earth is the property of ZIM!!"
Zim is an egotistical, yet very formidable Irken soldier. He doesn't have much of a sense of humor, but is quite funny himself. ^.^ Hehe... I love him...
He despises Earthenoids with all his lil' heart. ESPECIALLY those HORRIBLE Dib, Gaz, and Fausta/Kil beasts. Why Gaz? Well, he never really did forgive her for the time she saved Dib. Lately, he's also taken a deep hatred to his own people. Yeah... So don't mess with him! He's been REALLY grumpy.
Some of the only things he DOES like are DOOMY weapons, hurting his rivals, victories, and of course, his WONDERFUL and almighty self.
Zim's recent discovery that he wasn't a real invader was a huge blow to him, and is very painful. **sniff!!** Yet it makes him all the more deadly. .... Yaaaay!!! No, that's a BAD thing. .... YAAAY!!!!
Our favorite power-hungry Irken soldier continues to try to conquer Earth, wanting to prove himself to.... well, himself!! He may not be this way for long... **shrug** Change is always good... **blink** Okay, well, not ALWAYS.
Dib-- "I'll stop you two!! ...Right AFTER I finish this Cherry Poop."
Ah, Dib. An incredibly intelligent Human interested in the paranormal. He was experimented on as a baby by unknown aliens, becoming super-smart, and aspires to become a paranormal investigator when he's older. And for some reason, Bigfoot often stays in the garage of his home. ... Bigfoot... o.O;;;
Much of Dib's time for the past five years had been devoted to studying Zim, saving Earth from him, and trying to capture/reveal/kill him, and he's very UN-happy about the new psychotic threat to Earth.
Dib totally HATES Zim and Fausta, 'cause ya know, since they're trying to take over Earth. And he also hates his classmates since they're so STUPID, and they make fun of him, and think he's crazy. Oh, WHY CAN'T THEY SEE?!!? **cough**
Anyhoo, he'll stop at almost nothing to get rid of his planet's two threats, and he fears nothing but Bitters and his sister. **wiggles fingers** Eviiilll.... Eviiilll....
Fausta-- "Soon, the world will be MINE.... Mwa haha..."
Oh no... Not HER. **sigh** A sadistic member of an Earthen race, before completely unknown to Humans. She is at the lowest possible ranking of the Wing Invaders (Onyx Wings) and dreams of someday being at the top (Platinum Wings). She's the first of her kind to even WANT to control Earth, their miserable home-planet, and is well... working on conquering it!
Her big cousin Faust, who likes sugar, caffiene, and cutting stuff up, is a Platinum Wing (Irk knows how HE made it to the top... -__-) and is Fausta's overseer. His judgement will greatly affect her ranking, but she doesn't seem to really care, as she just HATES him.
Fausta also hates Zim, Dib, her other self, and... well, just about everything! Still, she respects her two rivals, since their resistance will boost her ranking a little once (or IF) she conquers Earth.
As a Wing Invader, she was genetically engineered by her creators (yes, Wing Invaders are test-tube babies, like Irkens) to be able to manipulate her cells' actions, giving her abilities such as rapid healing, changing form, and renewing vital organs (think immortality). Yeek! Not good!! Hehe... Let's do something to these powers later on...
Kil-- "But... but... muffins are REALLY yummiful!!"
Um... A name GIR came up with when he first met her. (Fausta had crash-landed in Zim's front yard, due to EVIL DEATH BEE collision, and was in a foul mood. Those annoying lawn gnomes bothered her and she started destroying them. The noise brought GIR over and his sheer idiocy caused Fausta's long-suppressed other self to emerge.)
Kil likes eating, video gaming, drawing, and reading, and has an INTENSE fear of needles, tacos, and the Scary Monkey. She's also hopelessly hyper and insane. SOMEONE, please. Just shoot her NOW.
--Well, the Idiot Wars revolves pretty much around these three.... I think. Ya never know 'til ya start writing!! Still, they're not the ONLY characters! Let's meet ANOTHER evil sadist, and the two great and glorious G's!!--
Mr. Bitters-- "Silence, or I'll hang you from the DISGUSTING doorframe by your DOOMed toenails."
Well, he's NOT Human. Yeah, never was, never will be. He controls the lives of Zim, Dib, and Fausta, and the other students while they're in his class.
He's the older brother of the infamous Skool teacher, Ms. Bitters, and "teaches" Geometry in High Skool (spelled Hi Skool by some).
Mr. Bitters's, like his younger sister, has an affinity to roaches, and they scout the skool for any of his students that may be cutting class or punishment. Scary... O.o;;;;;
He has a nefarious reputation for torturing and killing students, and highly hates some of his more annoying ones (think a certain trio of rivals). (Un!?)Fortunately, the Skool Board says that he has to start giving more REASONABLE and HUMANE punishments. However, his ideas of reasonable and humane may be a bit different than the Board's...
ALL FEAR THE BITTERS!!!
GIR-- "Is it the moose again??"
Aww!! Zim's lil' robot slave! GIR was given to him by the Almighty Tallests Red and Purple. He's made out of a broken SIR unit and random pocket junk.
GIR's more of a hindrance than a help to Zim, as he tends to leave doors and windows open, and having food delivered to the base. He's generally not much of a guard, but has his occasional moments of obediance and seriousness.
He's pretty much an insane couch potato with a taste for Human food. He's also EXTREMELY cute, (though, not cuter than Zim!) sweet, naive, and innocent. GIR's really nice, and loyal.
He likes spending time with Kil, since she seems to be the only person who understands him. ...Are you scared too...?
Ooh! And he has a green puppy costume, and likes squeaky toys!! Hehe!! **cough**
Gaz-- "If you make me lose this life, you weirdo, I will make you wish you had never been created."
She is Dib's younger sister, and... She. Loves. Video games. Her skills in the world of video games are unmatched. DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT IGGINS-FIEND!!!
Everyone seems to annoy her, and her hobbies include video gaming, video gaming, eating pizza, reading, and oh, let's not forget video gaming.
Gaz is usually a very nice (HAH!) and quiet gal, but bother her, and you'll be thrown into a HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE WORLD FROM WHICH THERE IS NO RETURN!! And no, it's not in yours or Dib's huge heads. Hm. I wonder what level she's on now...
--Well, there're other characters too, but these're the ones I'm writin'!! So... enjoy my fic, please!! GIR and Kil will sing the Doom Song for you! Now, for the actual fic!!! The Idiot Wars shall start! MWA HAHAHAHA-- **cough, hack!!**-- Hahaha...
----------------
Dib scowled. Zim was alive. And still a threat to Humanity. He could see the evil glint in his eyes. The alien had been glaring hatefully at him since he staggered into class.
Dib had to admit though, it was great seeing Zim all bandaged and casted up and in pain.
The Irken, though seriously injured, had come to skool. Well, of course he had. Everyone knows Mr. Bitters hated it when his students were absent. Who knows what he was going to do to the students who were out sick...
He'd probably hot-glue-gun them to the ceiling for an hour again, and then make them clean up the gluey mess.
Well, at least that weirdo Fausta wasn't around...
"Dib, Zim. Stop glaring at each other before I blind you two in some horribly painful way and use your unseeing eyes as bases in strange experiments." Mr. Bitters twiddled his long, bony fingers, and stared at the opposite wall.
A roach scuttled down his arm, and onto his desk, squeaking something. It then ran out of the classroom. A janitor walked by, stepping on it. Mr. Bitters hissed angrily, but decided against doing anything. He had a few thousand more of the things, after all.
Zim and Dib turned back to memorizing their horrible textbooks.
"Oh yeah, class," Bitters started dully. "We have a new, strange, and also extremely DOOMed addition to our HORRIBLE class. His name is Fausta. Come in, NOW, you stupid boy."
An awfully familiar-looking person walked into the class, with an indignant look.
"I'm a GIRL, Sir," she stated, annoyed. It was Fausta. Minus the wings.
She dressed in a white T-shirt with a pair of silvery wings drawn on the front, black jeans, black gloves, and a black trenchcoat. The same wing motif was used on the coat, at the right arm, and the jeans, lower left leg. Her hair was tied with a long black ribbon, just a few inches from the ends.
"The files here say you're a BOY, Fausta. Argue with me again, and your teeth will be given as donations to the tooth fairy. I still owe him a couple score of dollars," Bitters growled in reply.
Fausta scratched her head, but decided not to say anything more. She was an invader of the Wings, but she didn't know what on Earth the teacher was. But he wasn't Human. ... Hey, did this mean that the tootah fairy was REAL?? ...And she was a HE?? ... Fausta was confused!!
Dib and Zim stared wide-eyed, pointing at the new girl. She smirked back at them maliciously and waved. A cold glare from her teacher stopped her.
"Um... Where do I sit, Sir?" she asked, nonchalantly.
"AN ALIEN!! SHE'S AN ALIEN!!!" Dib cried.
"I'm NOT an alien. I told you that already, mortal," Fausta snarled back at him disdainfully. Why couldn't mortals ever learn...?
"Oh yeah. Sorry. Force of habit." Dib cleared his throat. "MONSTER!! SHE'S TRYING TO CONQUER EARTH!!!"
Several paper balls hit Dib in the head, followed by many 'be quiets'. The other students seemed to be really fed up with this stuff.
"Wait, how do you KNOW about that?" Fausta asked, blinking. "I didn't tell YOU yet."
"GIR did," Zim answered for his Human rival, rolling his lensed eyes. "I can't believe he believed him."
"Even though it was the truth?" she questioned.
The trio's conversation was stopped abruptly by Mr. Bitters's snakey voice.
"Since I accidentally," Mr. Bitters said 'accidentally' moving his fingers in the quoting expression. "Ran down Zita with my car yesterday, and she won't be with us for a few months, you can take her seat between Zim and Dib. They seem to like you already."
Fausta snorted and quickly took the seat. "Well, hiya, guys!" she announced coldly to the two.
"If any of you want to say something to the new," Bitters glared at Fausta. "BOY, say so now, or forever regret your pathetic present actions."
"Why are YOU here, you schizoid Wing-beast?" Zim sighed. She may have saved him, but she was planning on taking over Earth and killing them all anyway, so what was the point of caring?
"I wanted to keep an eye on you two," she replied. "All invaders know that observation is the key to success."
Zim let out a little bit of false coughing, stuffing in a 'whatdoyouknowyoufilthywingbeast' in the middle of it.
Fausta scowled. Her all-time favorite facial expression.
"Hey! Didn't ANYONE hear that, or CARE about that!? She just ADMITTED to being an invader!!" Dib exclaimed. What was WRONG with everyone!? Proof was right in front of them and they wouldn't even bat an eyelash!!
There were some 'be quiet, you crazy person's and more paper throwing.
"Ow! Hey, that one gave me a papercut!!" Dib whined.
Fausta cackled madly at that. "You plan to save your world, and you can't handle a little PAPERCUT!? HAH!! Soon, the world will be MINE... Mwa haha..."
Zim leapt up as best as he could, with all his bandages and casts on. "HAH! You flatter yourself, Wing-beast! Earth is the property of ZIM!!"
Fausta stalked up to the raging Irken and pushed him roughly with a hand. He went toppling over.
"AGH!" There was a loud crash as he fell. "You... may have won... THIS time, Fausta-beast... But--"
Fausta had a dull expression on. She tipped the table over, letting it fall on the grounded alien. He gave a pained gasp.
Fausta grinned and went back to her seat.
Dib liked this. But... Wait. Both Fausta and Zim wanted to conquer Earth. He DIDN'T like this part...
"This stinks..." he sighed. Dib pulled a Cherry Poop from a deep pocket, popped it open, and took a swig. The boy then took a deep breath and prepared his bravest, bestest voice. "Zim! Fausta! I don't know what you're planning! But it can't be good!! You know why!? Because I know you two are trying to conquer Earth! And, that's NOT good!! I'll stop you two!!"
Dib licked his lips. The addictiveness of the caffienated soda was getting to him.
"...Right AFTER I finish this Cherry Poop." He took another sip, longer this time.
There was a bit of low growling from the front desk. "All right. You've all talked long enough. And Dib, did you bring enough soda for everyone?? If not, put it away right now," Mr. Bitters hissed.
Dib pulled out several packs of six Cherry Poops from his pockets and showed them to Bitters.
"....... I still will not tolerate those HORRIBLE drinks of misery-stealing goodness in MY classroom."
A swarm of roaches then stormed up to Dib and carried away the soda.
Dib frowned. He was about to take another sip as it was snatched away by a long tendril of an arm, from Mr. Bitters.
"Now, everyone." He glared at Fausta, Dib, and Zim, who was still on the ground, wincing in pain. "Silence, or I'll hang you from the DISGUSTING doorframe by your DOOMed toenails."
"If we all even HAVE toenails," Dib muttered towards Fausta and Zim.
Fausta shot him a glare that read, 'Mortal FOOL! Of COURSE I have toenails!'
"Zim, get up, you green imbecile." Mr. Bitters watched the Irken with disinterest. "Do you want ALL of your ribs shattered?"
Zim's eyes shot wide open, and he scrambled up, ignoring the stabs of pain searing through his body.
Fausta liked how the day was going. Her little smiled widened a bit. And then a little more. Wait... There was something wrong!! She couldn't stop her smile!!
A look of horror flickered over her eyes.
Dib took notice of this behavior and jotted down some notes. He'd taken some notes earlier too, so now the notebook read something like this:
-that weirdo Fausta is in my 1st per class! -She doesn't have the wings. strange.
-She doesn't like Bitters. good.
-she hates Zim. VERY good.
-She HURT Zim!! very VERY good!!!
-she hates me too. not good.
-no one BELIEveS she wants to conquer Earth. very BAD. Those IDIOTS
-Oh yeah. Bitters says she's a boy. Bwa hahahahaah!!!
-she looks scared now. what's wrong...
"Mr. Bitterssss!!" the new girl called an a sickly sweet tone.
"What, do you want, you monster?" he snarled in reply.
"MUFFINS!!!" she exclaimed.
Mr. Bitters raised a thin silvery eyebrow, then frowned in contempt. "Get to memorizing your textbook, or face my HORRIBLE DOOMy wrath, Fausta."
"My name is Kil!!" Kil shouted, giddily.
" 'Kill'...?" he questioned, as if she were crazy. And she was.
"Yeth!! ... Oh wait... Um..." Kil shrugged. "But... but... muffins are REALLY yummiful!!" she cried, in a protesting tone.
Mr. Bitters growled animalistically. He threw a nearby, very conveniently placed Geometry book at her face. It hit with a loud 'SMACK'.
Immediately, Kil's mindless mind reverted back to Fausta's psychotic one.
She took the heavy book, and rubbed her bruised cheek. "Thank you, Sir!!" She then flipped it open and pretended to read, while really trying to plot out ways to gain control of Earth.
Dib sighed quietly and shook his head while taking down more notes. This was going to be a long day...
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pureVENOM: Well, I'm gonna stop here. Please review!! I have lots more planned!! I hope ya like this! I'm gonna try to make the rest funnier!!