Title: Broken Promises and New Beginnings
Rating: Well I have gone back and forth. After further deliberation I have decided to keep it at PG-13 I know call me indecisive. But I must warn you that this is the chapter in question. It may be R and I just don't know it. So WARNING WARNING WARNING
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
**********************************************************************
The sparring was not going well. Qui-Gon once again apologized to Anakin for losing his concentration. Anakin smiled patiently but was seething on the inside. He cast a quick glance over at his new found friends and wished for the umpteenth time that he hadn't insisted that they stick around until he was finished. He had hoped to show off a bit and earn a little respect but with all the mental mistakes that his Master was making he knew that he appeared awkward and uncoordinated.
He had noticed that the older man had been distracted when he had arrived. He had arrived slightly late which was also out of character for this Master. Anakin wondered what had the man so distracted. He had briefly sensed a flood of emotions through their bond during Qui-Gon's discussion with Obi-Wan outside of the Dining Hall. His Master had increased his shields before Anakin had been able to truly discern what the discussion was about. Wanting the humiliation to be over for the afternoon Anakin stepped outside the ring.
"Master perhaps we should continue this later." He lowered his saber.
Qui-Gon was slightly taken aback by the boys abrupt retreat. He regained his footing and also lowered his saber.
"Perhaps you are right. I am just not myself today. I will make it up to you tomorrow my Padawan." He smiled but Anakin knew that the man's mind was elsewhere.
Anakin nodded and then bowed to his Master signally the end of the match. "If you don't mind I wanted to eat with my friends tonight." Anakin motioned with his head over to the group of padawans who had been waiting patiently.
Qui-Gon looked over recognizing several from the lunch table earlier today.
//Friends compliments of Obi-Wan.// Qui-Gon thought a sad smile curving his lips.
The Master nodded and signaled that the boy had his permission. "Anakin, be in no later than the ninth hour. We will start our morning meditations early tomorrow."
"Yes Master." His tone was agreeable but for the first time Qui-Gon noticed that it lacked the note of obedience that Obi-Wan's had always held.
Anakin made his way over to the waiting group.
"Wasn't that terrible?" He asked hoping to head off any negative comments.
"That isn't how it usually is?" Padawan Meeke asked sounding relieved.
"Oh no." Anakin began, "My Master is having an off day. I am sure he will son adjust to the Temple once more. Let me grab my stuff and then we can head to the Dining Hall if that is ok?" The group agreed.
As he walked away Anakin could hear the others talking behind him. He felt certain that they were discussing his abilities or lack there of. He sighed in frustration. What could Obi-Wan have said to his Master that would have caused the man to make such a mess of their practice? Maybe the Knight had done it on purpose. Obi-Wan would have known that Master Jinn enjoyed sparring late in the afternoon. Did he do it to inhibit his training or to embarrass Anakin further in front of his so called friends? When he reached the locker that held his things he glanced back at the group. They were talking among themselves casting an occasional glance in his direction. Anakin once again felt angry and hurt. He had made a mistake in trusting the group so quickly.
//You know better than that. You know that trust only leads to being hurt.// He thought as he folded his workout tunic and laid it aside.
He had to find the strength to get through dinner. He wasn't sure where he would find it. Reaching out he hesitantly allowed himself to touch the darkness within his mind. He let its power and acceptance wash over him. There was something different this time. While he touched the darkness he sensed a faint embrace of another mind. He quickly loosened his hold on the darkness and reinforced his shields.
Casting a nervous glance around the training area he searched for the intruder. He cautiously observed the other masters and padawans. No one seemed to have detected his brush with the darkness nor did he sense any presence that matched that which he had just felt in his mind. He shook his head thinking it must have been his imagination.
Turning back to the group of age mates he felt confident once more. He had lost his focus today. He had forgotten why he was here. He wasn't here to make friends. He was here to work hard, grow strong, and learn more about the Force so that he could better serve the darkness.
He threw one last glance at his Master as he made his way over to the door. The man still looked lost sitting alone on a bench staring into nothingness. Anakin realized that Qui-Gon hadn't sensed his brief indulgence in the darkness. Strengthening his shields a bit more he suppressed a laugh as he left.
********************************
Qui-Gon was still admonishing himself for his poor performance in the ring when he exited the room. He felt exhausted and emotionally drained. He had so much to sort out between himself and Obi-Wan. He had felt the younger man's anger during their confrontation. He winced as he remembered the reference to the Force push he had used against Obi-Wan a year ago. He felt his stomach turn remembering the look on the young man's face that night. Some mistakes could not be undone no matter how regrettable they were.
Anakin had been irritated with him during their match. Qui-Gon had also sensed a brief moment of hatred and anger before the boy had secured his shields once more. The emotions concerned him but even more so did the effort to conceal them.
For the first time since taking the boy as his apprentice Qui-Gon wondered how much Anakin was hiding from him. He had wanted to speak to the boy immediately but hadn't wanted to interrupt Anakin's plans with his new friends. He would speak to him soon. It was probably no more than just the boy's own exhaustion and frustration from the match. It had been a long day for both of them. Dismissing the incident at least temporarily he stooped by the door long enough to rework the fasteners on his boots. The familiar sound of his Master clearing his throat caught his attention.
"Talk we must. " Yoda stated staring up at his padawan.
Qui-Gon suppressed a sigh as he bowed to his Master.
"Yes we must, but now is not a good time my Master. I am not ready for it. I am on my way to meditate. Perhaps after that-"
"Readiness concerned you not today when talking with Obi-Wan. Talk now we will. Come to my quarters you will. Tea and talk we will have." His tone was unreadable.
Qui-Gon nodded in obedience. On a good day he could argue with the wise old Master and actually win, but today he knew he was too upset and exhausted to even attempt it. He fell into step behind his Master not sure if he should be filled with dread or relief. At the moment he was too tired to feel anything so he decided to concentrate on walking and not feeling.
When they arrived at Yoda's quarters, Qui-Gon followed the master inside. As soon as the door shut behind them he found himself embraced by the Living Force. It filled him with an immediate sense of peace.
He always felt more intimately connected to the Living Force within the walls of his Master's apartment than anywhere else in the Temple. He wasn't sure if it was the incredible array of living matter in the rooms or the mere presence of his Master that intensified the experience. He had often wondered if it had been all those years spent living in this environment as a padawan that had helped form his connection to the Living Force. He would have to see to it that Anakin spent a few weeks with the old master to help with his connection as well.
Qui-Gon found himself wandering around what he had once considered his home. He remembered how odd it had felt when he had been knighted and had to leave the comfort of his Master's quarters. He found himself picking up various holos that he remembered from his time as a padawan. They had shared so many missions together. Where had all the time gone?
He felt drawn to the far corner of the common room where Yoda displayed his most treasured possessions. Qui-Gon had always believed that he could learn a great deal about someone by what they held as a treasured possession.
In this corner there sat a beautiful and ornately carved display box. It was of a wood he had never seen anywhere before. It was a deep and luxurious brown except where the carvings existed. For beneath the earthen tone of the surface there lay white wood as pure as the driven snow of Hoth. It created the most striking and beautiful contrast as the carvings worked their way around each corner and curve of the box. He hadn't understood the significance of the carvings until he had been in his late teens. It was then that he had taken a planetary language course and learned enough of his Master's home language to translate the carvings into words. It was then that he realized that it was the Jedi Code. It was perfect for the purpose of the box since it held the braids of each of the Master's knighted padawans.
Qui-Gon felt a warm nostalgia wash over him as he remember even as a child staring down in pure wonder and amazement at the display thinking of all the padawans who had come before him hoping beyond hope that his braid would one day join the ones before him. They were all familiar to him each one as different as the padawan who had worn it. He ran his eyes over each of the braids calling to mind the various stories his Master had shared to help connect the individuals with their braid. He could see them all and marvel at the strengths and weakness he had learned through the stories. Oh how he had longed to be in the company of their braids. He still held the moment that his braid had been added to the collection as one of his dearest memories. Naturally his gaze found its way to his own braid. It was then that he felt his heart stop. His had always lain at the end of the long line. He had been the last of Yoda's apprentices, but now laying next to his was a very familiar braid. It was ginger in color with highlights of pure gold. He had watched it be plated with both patient and impatient hands. He had been there the moment it had been created but failed to see its end.
"Obi-Wan." The word was a whisper filled with shock and longing.
He turned back towards the kitchen to check on his Master's progress. Seeing no sign of Yoda, Qui-Gon knelt before the beautiful box and released the latch. Carefully pulling back the crystal lid he reached within and gently removed the copper braid of his ex-padawan. Lowering the lid he found himself unable to pull his eyes from the familiar little braid.
He felt his breath catch in his throat as he held it reverently in his hands. Tenderly he stared down at it so strange and yet familiar to him all at the same time. The hair felt smooth in his hands. He ran his fingers over the braid. Laying it across his left palm he took it between the fingers of his right hand. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to remember back to all the times he had seen the braid flying about at a saber practice or being pushed irritatingly away during some important model building. Holding it firmly in place with his left hand now closed around it, he pulled it gently with his right as he had so many times, just a quick affectionate tug so rarely given yet so deeply felt. He felt the sting of tears and an ache too deep to identify as he suddenly was lost in a moment years before when Obi-Wan had finally mastered the thirteenth kata. He could still remember the look of sheer joy on the boy's face as he had tugged on this very braid in affection.
The memory was too much. He crumpled to the floor bringing his knees up to his chest. He rocked himself slowly holding the braid to his heart sobbing silently. This should have been his braid. He should have been there to take it. He remembered clearly once more the look on the young boy's face after mastering the kata then it slowly dissolved into the devastated look on the young man's face in the Council Chambers when he had announced that he would be taking Anakin as his Padawan.
Qui-Gon did nothing to stop the tears that ran down his face dripping onto his hand wetting the precious braid held within. He had denied it all. He had believed he had been serving the Force but now in this room sitting by the box carved with the Jedi Code it was clear. Never would the Force have wanted him to abandon his beloved padawan in such a way. Perhaps he had been chosen to be Anakin's Master, Qui-Gon realized he should have trusted the Force to have worked that out and not taken it upon himself willfully to make it happen.
He had been so consumed by his grief and regret he had not sensed his Master approaching him. He felt the hand upon his shoulder and looked over at the understanding face.
"What have I done?" His voice was hoarse with emotion.
"Trust you did not so hurt the one you loved the most you did." Yoda shook his head a grimace on his face.
As angry as he had been at Qui-Gon he could take no pleasure as the realization of his actions finally sank into him. He had never seen his padawan so shattered. He waited patiently. After some time had past he ushered the man to his sitting couch and offered him some tea. He noticed the braid still clutched in Qui-Gon's hand.
"Excellent Padawan he was though not mine for long. Honored I am to have his braid." He sat staring at Qui-Gon's hand nodding.
Qui-Gon had seemed to forget that he was holding the priceless treasure. Embarrassedly he reached his hand towards Yoda offering it back. Yoda shook his head and gestured that he could continue to hold it. Qui-Gon gave him a grateful smile and once again focused on the plaited lock of hair in his hand.
"I remember braiding his hair for the first time. He was so excited I was surprised he was able to contain his emotions. He stood so still and patient waiting for me to finish. " Qui-Gon's eyes once more filled with tears at the memory.
"Always wanting to please you he was. Sacrifice everything he would for your praise. Never before had I seen such longing to be a padawan. Never had I seen such devotion is one so young." Yoda voice was quiet as his gaze stayed fixed upon the braid.
"I didn't deserve him." Qui-Gon said a sob choking off his words.
"Never is it about deserving. Had him you did but understood him you did not." It was an honest reprimand. Qui-Gon nodded his acknowledgement of it.
"You are the second person today who has accused me of not understanding. I see now that you are right. "His voice was barely above a whisper as he continued. "How can I fix this Master? How can I make it up to him?" The desperation in the man's words struck Yoda to his core.
"Fix it you cannot. Cannot make it up to him. Too late it is to undo the past." They were not the words that Qui-Gon had wanted to hear. He stared at his Master shaking his head slowly.
"I didn't want him to be like Xanatos. I wanted to be a great Master to him. I wanted to give him all my knowledge and skill-"
"But not your love? Your skills and knowledge he wanted but your love he needed. Never could you give it to him as he gave his to you."
The two beings sat is silence as the honesty of Yoda's words sank into them. He had always loved the boy but had never consistently shown his love for him. With Xanatos he had allowed his affection to blind him to the warnings of the Force. He had made that mistake once and when taking Obi-Wan as his apprentice had determined he would never make it again. He had always been afraid that his love would somehow compromise Obi-Wan's training as it had with Xanatos. So instead of moderating his own feelings he had denied them and in the process denied Obi-Wan of the truth. Losing one padawan had been painful. He hadn't wanted to fail again.
"But fail you did and will again if trust the Force you do not." Qui-Gon suddenly realized that his shields were gone. They had vanished under the pressure of his realization. He lacked the energy to build them back.
"What can I say to him? How can I tell him how wrong I was and how much I need him? How sorry I am? How do I get him to listen?" Qui-Gon pleaded.
"How do you get him to listen? Listen to him you should. In order to be heard you must first listen. "
"I owe him that." He dropped his head.
"Owe him that? Give to him only what you owe and fail him you will." Qui- Gon nodded taking a moment to consider what the Master was saying.
He offered the braid back to Yoda who took it carefully into his hands. He immediately made his way over to the display box and returned it to its place of honor. He stared for a moment looking from Qui-Gon's blond braid to the ginger one laying next to it.
"Many Padawans I have had. All had their strengths and weaknesses. It was the will of the Force that I was there Master. It was a gift from the Force that they were my Padawans." His voice broke with emotion. He remembered a younger Qui-Gon reckless at times in his defiance but always seeking the will of the Force in all things. He had loved the boy who was now the man sitting devastated on his couch. He looked back at Qui-Gon and smiled.
"Love you still he does. The bond of a Master and his beloved Padawan is the same as that of a Padawan and his beloved Master. Trust the Force. It brought you together all those years ago. The past changed it cannot be, but the future always in motion is it. Live in the moment my Padawan. Meet you there he will."
They stared at each other for a long moment. It was then that the com unit interrupted the reverence of that moment. Qui-Gon smiled slightly as he watched Yoda make his way slowly to his desk.
He would live in the moment. He would listen to the young man. He would take whatever Obi-Wan had to offer. It would be enough.
************************
Having deposited Adi at her classroom, Obi-Wan had decided to return to his quarters and spend more time meditating on the situation with Qui-Gon. He felt he had come to a reasonable solution but had yet to truly embrace the Force and allow it to guide him fully. Whatever came about it had to be the will of the Force. He would trust it in this as he did in everything else in his life.
Sinking into his center he found himself consumed with ideas of how he needed Qui-Gon to go back and undo the hurt he had inflicted. Deepening his breaths he reach below the turmoil of hurt realizing that there was no resolution that could come from that direction.
Two hours into his meditation he found himself focusing on what it was that he truly needed from his ex-master in order to go forward. The Force surrounded him and embraced him as he rode through the painful memories of the past and witnessed various visions of possible futures for Qui-Gon and him.
Slowly he realized that in order to move forward he would have to accept that things would never be the same between them. His relationship with Qui-Gon was forever marred. The grief rocked him to the very depths of his being as this realization raced over him.
He was too entrenched in his meditation to notice the tears that were trailing down his checks or the sobs that were escaping him during this portion of his trance. Emerging on the other side of the sorrow he had found his answer. He was just coming out of his altered stated when his door chimed.
A bit groggy he made his way to the door. Standing before him was the ever charming Adi Gallia.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." He said stepping aside so she could enter.
"While you my friend are merely a sight. What have you been doing? You look like you just woke up?"
Obi-Wan ran his hands over his face and up through his hair. He then began straightening his under tunic as it was all he was wearing over his traditional leggings.
"Actually I have been meditating." She looked at him hopefully.
"Yes." He replied drawing her into his arms. "I am better. I believe I have discovered what it is that I must do in order to have some peace with Qui-Gon." She smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips.
"I had hoped you had been meditating on us." She joked pulling him down beside her onto the couch. She ran her hands along his under tunic then up behind his neck drawing him down for another kiss.
"Adi? Remember. That. Whole. Going. Too. Fast. Thing.." He spoke hesitantly between kisses.
"Mmm hmmm." She murmured in agreement.
"Well. Do. You. Think. We. Are.?"
He pulled her close then pushing her body down onto the couch as he stretched on top of her. He groaned involuntarily at the feel of her body stretched out beneath him.
"Can't think right now ask me later." She parted her lips allowing him to enter her fully.
She delighted in the sweet weight of his body upon her. She had longed for this moment since his knighting. She drank in the smell of him. It was a delicious mixture of heat and a sweet musk that was unique to Obi-Wan. It increased a longing deep within her as she squirmed beneath him trying to increase the points at which their bodies met.
He slowly made his way down her neck kissing and sucking the sensitive skin. She arched her back and buried her hands into his hair. He found her lips once more and deepened the kiss. Thrusting his tongue deep within her mouth he devoured her completely. He basked in the taste of her as she in turn took his mouth with equal fervor.
Their breathing quickly became shallow and ragged as urgency grew within them. Hands roaming to places longing to touch and be touched, she could feel the heat of his body through the thin under tunic and wanted to cast it away so that she could feel his skin beneath her hands. She began pulling it away.
He moaned softly into her mouth as he lifted himself struggling out of the tunic. He pulled back capturing her eyes in his as he moved his hands beneath her tunic as well. His eyes silently sought her permission. Her smile willingly surrendered it. He couldn't believe this was happening as he once again stared down at the lovely and willing body wiggling delightfully beneath him.
He felt a growing heat within him and longed to sweep her up into his arms and take her completely. Just as he had begun to pull away her tunic the room erupted with the sound of urgent com signals. The both jumped unsettled by the sound interrupting their sensual explorations.
Recovering quickly they both broke into their own selected utterance of profanity as they broke apart trying to determine where the signal was coming from. To their amazement they quickly surmised that it was coming from both Adi's comlink and Obi's com unit.
"This can't be good." Obi muttered as he regretfully lifted himself from her. Nodding and uttering one last soft curse she sat up and flipped her activation sequence. In the meantime Obi threw on his under tunic once more and made his way over to his own com unit.
Adi stepped out into the hallway to give them both some privacy.
"Kenobi" Obi-Wan answered. Mace Windu's face appeared on the screen. "Obi- Wan, we have an urgent mission for you. We need you to report to the Council Chambers immediately." Obi nodded.
"Yes Master Windu I am on my way." He flipped the switch and began gathering items he would need to throw into his travel pack. He was obviously leaving the planet.
Just as he finished loading up the last items Adi entered his quarters once more. He hadn't noticed her as she slipped in behind him and wrapped her arms lovingly around his waist. He sighed and place one hand over hers.
"Let me guess you are also on your way to the Council Chambers." He felt her smile against his back as she nodded her affirmation.
"I don't think we will have time for goodbyes." Her breath felt hot against his skin and he turned slowly continuing to hold her hands in place as he rotated to face her. He lowered his face and laid a soft kiss upon her lips.
"Wanna bet?" He whispered as he pulled back. She laughed as he leaned in kissing her more deeply. Finally the kiss ended and she pulled back.
"What just happened here?" She said using her head to motion towards the couch they had just been laying upon.
"I'm not sure. Perhaps now that you can think you can figure it out." He teased. She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she moved away from him and started towards the door.
He was captured by her piercing blue eyes. Finally she broke the spell looking away from his face for a moment.
"I will see you in the Chambers." She gave him one last longing look and then was gone.
Glancing about his quarters one last time Obi-Wan ran through a mental check list wondering if he was forgetting anything. Once satisfied that he had all that he needed he flipped the lights, palmed the door and was on his way.
***********************************************************************
Rating: Well I have gone back and forth. After further deliberation I have decided to keep it at PG-13 I know call me indecisive. But I must warn you that this is the chapter in question. It may be R and I just don't know it. So WARNING WARNING WARNING
Genre: Drama/Mild Angst
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They are, were and will always belong to Mr. George Lucas creator of an amazing universe. Not only does this story contain elements of the universe that Mr. Lucas created but also the Alternate Universe (AU) found in a wonderful story called An Untimely Frost by CYNICAL21. I thank Cynical21 for allowing me to reference her work. If you haven't read her story you are really missing out on a wonderful story.
Just to a little guide as to what things mean:
/-/ Bond thought //-// Private thought "-" Speaking aloud
**********************************************************************
The sparring was not going well. Qui-Gon once again apologized to Anakin for losing his concentration. Anakin smiled patiently but was seething on the inside. He cast a quick glance over at his new found friends and wished for the umpteenth time that he hadn't insisted that they stick around until he was finished. He had hoped to show off a bit and earn a little respect but with all the mental mistakes that his Master was making he knew that he appeared awkward and uncoordinated.
He had noticed that the older man had been distracted when he had arrived. He had arrived slightly late which was also out of character for this Master. Anakin wondered what had the man so distracted. He had briefly sensed a flood of emotions through their bond during Qui-Gon's discussion with Obi-Wan outside of the Dining Hall. His Master had increased his shields before Anakin had been able to truly discern what the discussion was about. Wanting the humiliation to be over for the afternoon Anakin stepped outside the ring.
"Master perhaps we should continue this later." He lowered his saber.
Qui-Gon was slightly taken aback by the boys abrupt retreat. He regained his footing and also lowered his saber.
"Perhaps you are right. I am just not myself today. I will make it up to you tomorrow my Padawan." He smiled but Anakin knew that the man's mind was elsewhere.
Anakin nodded and then bowed to his Master signally the end of the match. "If you don't mind I wanted to eat with my friends tonight." Anakin motioned with his head over to the group of padawans who had been waiting patiently.
Qui-Gon looked over recognizing several from the lunch table earlier today.
//Friends compliments of Obi-Wan.// Qui-Gon thought a sad smile curving his lips.
The Master nodded and signaled that the boy had his permission. "Anakin, be in no later than the ninth hour. We will start our morning meditations early tomorrow."
"Yes Master." His tone was agreeable but for the first time Qui-Gon noticed that it lacked the note of obedience that Obi-Wan's had always held.
Anakin made his way over to the waiting group.
"Wasn't that terrible?" He asked hoping to head off any negative comments.
"That isn't how it usually is?" Padawan Meeke asked sounding relieved.
"Oh no." Anakin began, "My Master is having an off day. I am sure he will son adjust to the Temple once more. Let me grab my stuff and then we can head to the Dining Hall if that is ok?" The group agreed.
As he walked away Anakin could hear the others talking behind him. He felt certain that they were discussing his abilities or lack there of. He sighed in frustration. What could Obi-Wan have said to his Master that would have caused the man to make such a mess of their practice? Maybe the Knight had done it on purpose. Obi-Wan would have known that Master Jinn enjoyed sparring late in the afternoon. Did he do it to inhibit his training or to embarrass Anakin further in front of his so called friends? When he reached the locker that held his things he glanced back at the group. They were talking among themselves casting an occasional glance in his direction. Anakin once again felt angry and hurt. He had made a mistake in trusting the group so quickly.
//You know better than that. You know that trust only leads to being hurt.// He thought as he folded his workout tunic and laid it aside.
He had to find the strength to get through dinner. He wasn't sure where he would find it. Reaching out he hesitantly allowed himself to touch the darkness within his mind. He let its power and acceptance wash over him. There was something different this time. While he touched the darkness he sensed a faint embrace of another mind. He quickly loosened his hold on the darkness and reinforced his shields.
Casting a nervous glance around the training area he searched for the intruder. He cautiously observed the other masters and padawans. No one seemed to have detected his brush with the darkness nor did he sense any presence that matched that which he had just felt in his mind. He shook his head thinking it must have been his imagination.
Turning back to the group of age mates he felt confident once more. He had lost his focus today. He had forgotten why he was here. He wasn't here to make friends. He was here to work hard, grow strong, and learn more about the Force so that he could better serve the darkness.
He threw one last glance at his Master as he made his way over to the door. The man still looked lost sitting alone on a bench staring into nothingness. Anakin realized that Qui-Gon hadn't sensed his brief indulgence in the darkness. Strengthening his shields a bit more he suppressed a laugh as he left.
********************************
Qui-Gon was still admonishing himself for his poor performance in the ring when he exited the room. He felt exhausted and emotionally drained. He had so much to sort out between himself and Obi-Wan. He had felt the younger man's anger during their confrontation. He winced as he remembered the reference to the Force push he had used against Obi-Wan a year ago. He felt his stomach turn remembering the look on the young man's face that night. Some mistakes could not be undone no matter how regrettable they were.
Anakin had been irritated with him during their match. Qui-Gon had also sensed a brief moment of hatred and anger before the boy had secured his shields once more. The emotions concerned him but even more so did the effort to conceal them.
For the first time since taking the boy as his apprentice Qui-Gon wondered how much Anakin was hiding from him. He had wanted to speak to the boy immediately but hadn't wanted to interrupt Anakin's plans with his new friends. He would speak to him soon. It was probably no more than just the boy's own exhaustion and frustration from the match. It had been a long day for both of them. Dismissing the incident at least temporarily he stooped by the door long enough to rework the fasteners on his boots. The familiar sound of his Master clearing his throat caught his attention.
"Talk we must. " Yoda stated staring up at his padawan.
Qui-Gon suppressed a sigh as he bowed to his Master.
"Yes we must, but now is not a good time my Master. I am not ready for it. I am on my way to meditate. Perhaps after that-"
"Readiness concerned you not today when talking with Obi-Wan. Talk now we will. Come to my quarters you will. Tea and talk we will have." His tone was unreadable.
Qui-Gon nodded in obedience. On a good day he could argue with the wise old Master and actually win, but today he knew he was too upset and exhausted to even attempt it. He fell into step behind his Master not sure if he should be filled with dread or relief. At the moment he was too tired to feel anything so he decided to concentrate on walking and not feeling.
When they arrived at Yoda's quarters, Qui-Gon followed the master inside. As soon as the door shut behind them he found himself embraced by the Living Force. It filled him with an immediate sense of peace.
He always felt more intimately connected to the Living Force within the walls of his Master's apartment than anywhere else in the Temple. He wasn't sure if it was the incredible array of living matter in the rooms or the mere presence of his Master that intensified the experience. He had often wondered if it had been all those years spent living in this environment as a padawan that had helped form his connection to the Living Force. He would have to see to it that Anakin spent a few weeks with the old master to help with his connection as well.
Qui-Gon found himself wandering around what he had once considered his home. He remembered how odd it had felt when he had been knighted and had to leave the comfort of his Master's quarters. He found himself picking up various holos that he remembered from his time as a padawan. They had shared so many missions together. Where had all the time gone?
He felt drawn to the far corner of the common room where Yoda displayed his most treasured possessions. Qui-Gon had always believed that he could learn a great deal about someone by what they held as a treasured possession.
In this corner there sat a beautiful and ornately carved display box. It was of a wood he had never seen anywhere before. It was a deep and luxurious brown except where the carvings existed. For beneath the earthen tone of the surface there lay white wood as pure as the driven snow of Hoth. It created the most striking and beautiful contrast as the carvings worked their way around each corner and curve of the box. He hadn't understood the significance of the carvings until he had been in his late teens. It was then that he had taken a planetary language course and learned enough of his Master's home language to translate the carvings into words. It was then that he realized that it was the Jedi Code. It was perfect for the purpose of the box since it held the braids of each of the Master's knighted padawans.
Qui-Gon felt a warm nostalgia wash over him as he remember even as a child staring down in pure wonder and amazement at the display thinking of all the padawans who had come before him hoping beyond hope that his braid would one day join the ones before him. They were all familiar to him each one as different as the padawan who had worn it. He ran his eyes over each of the braids calling to mind the various stories his Master had shared to help connect the individuals with their braid. He could see them all and marvel at the strengths and weakness he had learned through the stories. Oh how he had longed to be in the company of their braids. He still held the moment that his braid had been added to the collection as one of his dearest memories. Naturally his gaze found its way to his own braid. It was then that he felt his heart stop. His had always lain at the end of the long line. He had been the last of Yoda's apprentices, but now laying next to his was a very familiar braid. It was ginger in color with highlights of pure gold. He had watched it be plated with both patient and impatient hands. He had been there the moment it had been created but failed to see its end.
"Obi-Wan." The word was a whisper filled with shock and longing.
He turned back towards the kitchen to check on his Master's progress. Seeing no sign of Yoda, Qui-Gon knelt before the beautiful box and released the latch. Carefully pulling back the crystal lid he reached within and gently removed the copper braid of his ex-padawan. Lowering the lid he found himself unable to pull his eyes from the familiar little braid.
He felt his breath catch in his throat as he held it reverently in his hands. Tenderly he stared down at it so strange and yet familiar to him all at the same time. The hair felt smooth in his hands. He ran his fingers over the braid. Laying it across his left palm he took it between the fingers of his right hand. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to remember back to all the times he had seen the braid flying about at a saber practice or being pushed irritatingly away during some important model building. Holding it firmly in place with his left hand now closed around it, he pulled it gently with his right as he had so many times, just a quick affectionate tug so rarely given yet so deeply felt. He felt the sting of tears and an ache too deep to identify as he suddenly was lost in a moment years before when Obi-Wan had finally mastered the thirteenth kata. He could still remember the look of sheer joy on the boy's face as he had tugged on this very braid in affection.
The memory was too much. He crumpled to the floor bringing his knees up to his chest. He rocked himself slowly holding the braid to his heart sobbing silently. This should have been his braid. He should have been there to take it. He remembered clearly once more the look on the young boy's face after mastering the kata then it slowly dissolved into the devastated look on the young man's face in the Council Chambers when he had announced that he would be taking Anakin as his Padawan.
Qui-Gon did nothing to stop the tears that ran down his face dripping onto his hand wetting the precious braid held within. He had denied it all. He had believed he had been serving the Force but now in this room sitting by the box carved with the Jedi Code it was clear. Never would the Force have wanted him to abandon his beloved padawan in such a way. Perhaps he had been chosen to be Anakin's Master, Qui-Gon realized he should have trusted the Force to have worked that out and not taken it upon himself willfully to make it happen.
He had been so consumed by his grief and regret he had not sensed his Master approaching him. He felt the hand upon his shoulder and looked over at the understanding face.
"What have I done?" His voice was hoarse with emotion.
"Trust you did not so hurt the one you loved the most you did." Yoda shook his head a grimace on his face.
As angry as he had been at Qui-Gon he could take no pleasure as the realization of his actions finally sank into him. He had never seen his padawan so shattered. He waited patiently. After some time had past he ushered the man to his sitting couch and offered him some tea. He noticed the braid still clutched in Qui-Gon's hand.
"Excellent Padawan he was though not mine for long. Honored I am to have his braid." He sat staring at Qui-Gon's hand nodding.
Qui-Gon had seemed to forget that he was holding the priceless treasure. Embarrassedly he reached his hand towards Yoda offering it back. Yoda shook his head and gestured that he could continue to hold it. Qui-Gon gave him a grateful smile and once again focused on the plaited lock of hair in his hand.
"I remember braiding his hair for the first time. He was so excited I was surprised he was able to contain his emotions. He stood so still and patient waiting for me to finish. " Qui-Gon's eyes once more filled with tears at the memory.
"Always wanting to please you he was. Sacrifice everything he would for your praise. Never before had I seen such longing to be a padawan. Never had I seen such devotion is one so young." Yoda voice was quiet as his gaze stayed fixed upon the braid.
"I didn't deserve him." Qui-Gon said a sob choking off his words.
"Never is it about deserving. Had him you did but understood him you did not." It was an honest reprimand. Qui-Gon nodded his acknowledgement of it.
"You are the second person today who has accused me of not understanding. I see now that you are right. "His voice was barely above a whisper as he continued. "How can I fix this Master? How can I make it up to him?" The desperation in the man's words struck Yoda to his core.
"Fix it you cannot. Cannot make it up to him. Too late it is to undo the past." They were not the words that Qui-Gon had wanted to hear. He stared at his Master shaking his head slowly.
"I didn't want him to be like Xanatos. I wanted to be a great Master to him. I wanted to give him all my knowledge and skill-"
"But not your love? Your skills and knowledge he wanted but your love he needed. Never could you give it to him as he gave his to you."
The two beings sat is silence as the honesty of Yoda's words sank into them. He had always loved the boy but had never consistently shown his love for him. With Xanatos he had allowed his affection to blind him to the warnings of the Force. He had made that mistake once and when taking Obi-Wan as his apprentice had determined he would never make it again. He had always been afraid that his love would somehow compromise Obi-Wan's training as it had with Xanatos. So instead of moderating his own feelings he had denied them and in the process denied Obi-Wan of the truth. Losing one padawan had been painful. He hadn't wanted to fail again.
"But fail you did and will again if trust the Force you do not." Qui-Gon suddenly realized that his shields were gone. They had vanished under the pressure of his realization. He lacked the energy to build them back.
"What can I say to him? How can I tell him how wrong I was and how much I need him? How sorry I am? How do I get him to listen?" Qui-Gon pleaded.
"How do you get him to listen? Listen to him you should. In order to be heard you must first listen. "
"I owe him that." He dropped his head.
"Owe him that? Give to him only what you owe and fail him you will." Qui- Gon nodded taking a moment to consider what the Master was saying.
He offered the braid back to Yoda who took it carefully into his hands. He immediately made his way over to the display box and returned it to its place of honor. He stared for a moment looking from Qui-Gon's blond braid to the ginger one laying next to it.
"Many Padawans I have had. All had their strengths and weaknesses. It was the will of the Force that I was there Master. It was a gift from the Force that they were my Padawans." His voice broke with emotion. He remembered a younger Qui-Gon reckless at times in his defiance but always seeking the will of the Force in all things. He had loved the boy who was now the man sitting devastated on his couch. He looked back at Qui-Gon and smiled.
"Love you still he does. The bond of a Master and his beloved Padawan is the same as that of a Padawan and his beloved Master. Trust the Force. It brought you together all those years ago. The past changed it cannot be, but the future always in motion is it. Live in the moment my Padawan. Meet you there he will."
They stared at each other for a long moment. It was then that the com unit interrupted the reverence of that moment. Qui-Gon smiled slightly as he watched Yoda make his way slowly to his desk.
He would live in the moment. He would listen to the young man. He would take whatever Obi-Wan had to offer. It would be enough.
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Having deposited Adi at her classroom, Obi-Wan had decided to return to his quarters and spend more time meditating on the situation with Qui-Gon. He felt he had come to a reasonable solution but had yet to truly embrace the Force and allow it to guide him fully. Whatever came about it had to be the will of the Force. He would trust it in this as he did in everything else in his life.
Sinking into his center he found himself consumed with ideas of how he needed Qui-Gon to go back and undo the hurt he had inflicted. Deepening his breaths he reach below the turmoil of hurt realizing that there was no resolution that could come from that direction.
Two hours into his meditation he found himself focusing on what it was that he truly needed from his ex-master in order to go forward. The Force surrounded him and embraced him as he rode through the painful memories of the past and witnessed various visions of possible futures for Qui-Gon and him.
Slowly he realized that in order to move forward he would have to accept that things would never be the same between them. His relationship with Qui-Gon was forever marred. The grief rocked him to the very depths of his being as this realization raced over him.
He was too entrenched in his meditation to notice the tears that were trailing down his checks or the sobs that were escaping him during this portion of his trance. Emerging on the other side of the sorrow he had found his answer. He was just coming out of his altered stated when his door chimed.
A bit groggy he made his way to the door. Standing before him was the ever charming Adi Gallia.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." He said stepping aside so she could enter.
"While you my friend are merely a sight. What have you been doing? You look like you just woke up?"
Obi-Wan ran his hands over his face and up through his hair. He then began straightening his under tunic as it was all he was wearing over his traditional leggings.
"Actually I have been meditating." She looked at him hopefully.
"Yes." He replied drawing her into his arms. "I am better. I believe I have discovered what it is that I must do in order to have some peace with Qui-Gon." She smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips.
"I had hoped you had been meditating on us." She joked pulling him down beside her onto the couch. She ran her hands along his under tunic then up behind his neck drawing him down for another kiss.
"Adi? Remember. That. Whole. Going. Too. Fast. Thing.." He spoke hesitantly between kisses.
"Mmm hmmm." She murmured in agreement.
"Well. Do. You. Think. We. Are.?"
He pulled her close then pushing her body down onto the couch as he stretched on top of her. He groaned involuntarily at the feel of her body stretched out beneath him.
"Can't think right now ask me later." She parted her lips allowing him to enter her fully.
She delighted in the sweet weight of his body upon her. She had longed for this moment since his knighting. She drank in the smell of him. It was a delicious mixture of heat and a sweet musk that was unique to Obi-Wan. It increased a longing deep within her as she squirmed beneath him trying to increase the points at which their bodies met.
He slowly made his way down her neck kissing and sucking the sensitive skin. She arched her back and buried her hands into his hair. He found her lips once more and deepened the kiss. Thrusting his tongue deep within her mouth he devoured her completely. He basked in the taste of her as she in turn took his mouth with equal fervor.
Their breathing quickly became shallow and ragged as urgency grew within them. Hands roaming to places longing to touch and be touched, she could feel the heat of his body through the thin under tunic and wanted to cast it away so that she could feel his skin beneath her hands. She began pulling it away.
He moaned softly into her mouth as he lifted himself struggling out of the tunic. He pulled back capturing her eyes in his as he moved his hands beneath her tunic as well. His eyes silently sought her permission. Her smile willingly surrendered it. He couldn't believe this was happening as he once again stared down at the lovely and willing body wiggling delightfully beneath him.
He felt a growing heat within him and longed to sweep her up into his arms and take her completely. Just as he had begun to pull away her tunic the room erupted with the sound of urgent com signals. The both jumped unsettled by the sound interrupting their sensual explorations.
Recovering quickly they both broke into their own selected utterance of profanity as they broke apart trying to determine where the signal was coming from. To their amazement they quickly surmised that it was coming from both Adi's comlink and Obi's com unit.
"This can't be good." Obi muttered as he regretfully lifted himself from her. Nodding and uttering one last soft curse she sat up and flipped her activation sequence. In the meantime Obi threw on his under tunic once more and made his way over to his own com unit.
Adi stepped out into the hallway to give them both some privacy.
"Kenobi" Obi-Wan answered. Mace Windu's face appeared on the screen. "Obi- Wan, we have an urgent mission for you. We need you to report to the Council Chambers immediately." Obi nodded.
"Yes Master Windu I am on my way." He flipped the switch and began gathering items he would need to throw into his travel pack. He was obviously leaving the planet.
Just as he finished loading up the last items Adi entered his quarters once more. He hadn't noticed her as she slipped in behind him and wrapped her arms lovingly around his waist. He sighed and place one hand over hers.
"Let me guess you are also on your way to the Council Chambers." He felt her smile against his back as she nodded her affirmation.
"I don't think we will have time for goodbyes." Her breath felt hot against his skin and he turned slowly continuing to hold her hands in place as he rotated to face her. He lowered his face and laid a soft kiss upon her lips.
"Wanna bet?" He whispered as he pulled back. She laughed as he leaned in kissing her more deeply. Finally the kiss ended and she pulled back.
"What just happened here?" She said using her head to motion towards the couch they had just been laying upon.
"I'm not sure. Perhaps now that you can think you can figure it out." He teased. She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she moved away from him and started towards the door.
He was captured by her piercing blue eyes. Finally she broke the spell looking away from his face for a moment.
"I will see you in the Chambers." She gave him one last longing look and then was gone.
Glancing about his quarters one last time Obi-Wan ran through a mental check list wondering if he was forgetting anything. Once satisfied that he had all that he needed he flipped the lights, palmed the door and was on his way.
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