"Matt? I know you can't hear me, but it'll be okay. I'll look after you. Anytime you wanna wake up, I'll be here, all right?"
Tai? I thought. Is that you? I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy, I tried to speak but I couldn't even move my lips. I felt like I was slowly coming out of the longest, deepest sleep in the world.
"We won the battle, Matt; Sora and Birdramon went to rescue Koromon and Tsunomon. Then they digivolved to MetalGreymon and Garurumon, and the virus digimon had to retreat. We brought you into the forest where it's safe, and everyone else is asleep at the moment. But I'll look after you, Matt." I felt a light kiss on my cheek. "I love you."
I cracked my eyes open, and found my voice. "Tai?"
"Huh? Matt! Oh, you're okay!" Takeru flung himself onto me in a massive bearhug. "Hey Tai, Patamon, everyone, wake up! Matt's awake!"
Takeru. Bitter disappointment ripped brutally through my being as I saw Tai raise his head sleepily, on the other side of the clearing. That's what you get for letting yourself hope, I reprimanded myself viciously. Then I realised in horror what I was thinking - I was disappointed at seeing Takeru, own brother! How could I? I gave him an extra-hard hug, now comforted by his presence. My Takeru, who would stand by me and love me unconditionally no matter what. It was more than I deserved, at any rate.
Tai grinned at me. "Hey, Yamato. How're ya doing?"
It was *Yamato* again, I noted. Oh well, you can't win 'em all. "Okay, I guess." I would have asked how he and everyone else was doing, but I could see they were all fine and besides... that would have been too much like caring. "Uh, Takeru, I can hardly breathe..."
"Oh. Sorry, Matt."
"S'okay... C'mere, you!" I grabbed him in another bear-hug, and he giggled. It sure felt good to be needed. "Hey, Otouto-chan, you got anything to eat there, li'l buddy?"
"Ne, Tai ate it all." I grinned - sounded about right. Tai looked mildly offended, though.
"I didn't eat all of it!"
"You calling my little brother a liar?" I yelled in mock fury. "Huh? HUH? ARE YA?"
Tai fell to his knees in front of me and put a terrified, pleading expression on his face. "No, no, please, Mister Ishida, I'm sorry! I'll never say anything about Mister Takaishi again, just please don't hurt me!"
I hadn't expected him to join in the game. This was fun. I shook my head sternly. "Put your hand out in front of you." Tai obeyed slowly, seemingly petrified of what I might do to him. It trembled before me in an exaggerated way. Takeru giggled. "Go on, Big Takaishi," I growled in my best American hit-man accent. Takeru looked up at me questioningly.
"Watcha want me to do, Matt?" he asked innocently.
"You don't KNOW?" I asked in shock. Takeru shook his head. "Slap 'im!" I yelled. "Smack 'is 'and!"
"No!" squealed Taichi, snatching his hand back. "Please, anything but that!"
"You called my brother a liar, Kamiya!" I roared. "Now you will pay the price! Hand! Out! NOW!"
Tai reluctantly put his hand back out in front of us. I looked at Takeru. He grinned.
"Tai, if you *promise* never to say anything bad about me or Matt ever again..."
"Oh, I swear!" Tai promised fervently. "Thank you, Mister Takaishi! Thank you!"
"Ah, yer soft." I pushed a happy Takeru off me just in time to be assailed by a set of flying blue and white stripes. "Gabumon! Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Matt. I thought you were never going to wake up!"
"He didn't want to sleep," put in Palmon quietly. "I made him, though. He was gonna lie there all day and all night just waiting for you to come round." I shook my head disapprovingly at my faithful digimon, but I would have expected nothing less from Gabumon. He was as stubborn as me sometimes.
"How long have I been out for?" I asked.
"About eighteen hours," Tai replied. "You must be starving, I'll go with Sora to find some food. Sora! We gotta..."
He ambled off into the forest, leaving me to sit with Gabumon and listen to Takeru's endless chatter. I found that chatter comforting, somehow, so long as he was happy and safe then I could just about hold my world together. I need him as much as he needs me... I guess you could say, I need him to need me. And that's a lot of needing. And don't you ever get that, when you say one word too much and it starts to sound really weird? Need need need. Weird. Yup, Yamato Ishida has officially gone completely insane. Aw, shaddup. I'm just tired, leave me alone.
Twenty minutes later, Tai and Sora were back with some kind of vegetables that looked like nothing I've ever seen in the real world. It was the size and shape of a pineapple, but it had rubbery skin like a banana. And it was the color of a tangerine. It tasted... well, all right, I guess. I've had better.
We spent most of the day just lounging about, having a laugh. When evening rolled round, Tai called a meeting to discuss what we would do the next day.
"Okay," he began, "tomorow we're moving on again. I -"
"Taaiiiiii! We only just stooooopped!" That was Mimi, obviously. "Can't we have just one more day's rest? Puh-leeeeeaaasse?"
"No, Mimi, we can't," I told her. "Tai wants to push us all to the brink of exhaustion and then drop us off it, one by one. He wants to hear us scream." I was only joking - and I was quite proud of myself for doing the social thing so well after so much time out of practise, too. But Mister Big Shot seemed to not be in a joking mood.
"If you want to stay here, Yamato, fine. But we're still not all that far from Myotismon's standing, chiefly because of *you*, so have a little gratitude, hmm?"
"Hey, chill, dude! I was making with the funny."
"Well, make with it someplace else. This is a serious meeting."
"Aww, don't be such a stick-in-the-mud."
"I'm not a stick-in-the-mud!" Tai yelled. "I'm trying to keep your ass out of trouble, because from what I remember you don't seem to be very good at looking after it yourself!"
"And what's that supposed to mean?" I yelled back furiously, jumping to my feet.
"Just that it wasn't me who got stuck in Myotismon's dungeon for days on end!"
"I like that! It was your dumb plan that got me caught in the first place. And at least I don't walk head-first into VERY obvious traps, unlike SOMEbody I could mention!"
"Well, excuse my happening to give a damn whether you live or die! Excuse my happening to CARE!"
"Care? You?" I snorted scornfully. "Since when?" Then it sunk in, what he had said... he actually TOLD me he cared! In front of everyone, he actually SAID it! And then I said... oh no. What had I done? He looked hurt, like he'd just given me his most precious possession as a gift and I'd deliberately smashed it in front of his face. He turned and began to walk away.
"I'm going for a walk," he said in a a voice that was meant to be hard and cold, but nonetheless shook ever so slightly. I'd torn it now. I started after him.
"No, Tai, I... I didn't mean... Tai - Tai, wait! Tai..."
He walked faster. "Leave me alone, Yamato!" he called over his shoulder. "I'm just going for a walk, that's all."
"Tai..." He broke into a run and was gone. I slammed my fist into a tree in frustration. Nice going, Ishida. Real smooth. I trailed back to the group, dragging my feet. I glanced briefly at them - most just looked upset or confused (usually I was the one who freaked out and ran off), but one or two sets of eyes seemed hostile and accusing. I don't remember which ones, I was too upset to think clearly. "I, uh, might go for a walk too." I trailed back off again, and not a word was spoken behind me. This time, I deliberately took the opposite direction to Tai. I had screwed up real bad this time, he was never gonna forgive me for this.
I walked for a couple of minutes, then sat down behind a tree. I just stayed there for about five minutes, not moving, then I sighed and dragged out my trusty harmonica. I put it to my lips and began to play. It wasn't a tune I'd learnt, I just made it up as I went along. To hear me play, you would have thought the instrument was called a harmisery. I don't know how long I played for, I was lost in the music and I would have been oblivious to a brass band, let alone something as subtle as time. Eventually I put the little music-maker away, and contemplated going back. After all, I couldn't stay out here for ever... but I dreaded facing Tai. In a minute, I promised myself. I'll go back in a minute. A minute was all it took my exhausted body to fall into a troubled sleep.
I dreamed... about lots of crazy stuff. Mainly Tai, and how much I'd hurt him. I kept seeing his face, just after I gave him that emotional smack in the mouth. How COULD I have? I was on a stage, collecting an award. Sora was presenting it, she was holding up a massive golden plaque and saying something. "And the winner of the Bastard of the Year Award... ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mister Ishida Yamato!" The rest of the digi-destined were in the front row, clapping and cheering for all they were worth. Mimi had tears in her eyes, Joe was telling Koushiro how great it was to be around me, because he never had to worry about anything going wrong so long as I was there. Koushiro was nodding agreement and tapping on his laptop, spreading the great news all round the world via the net. And Takeru was yelling up at me, telling me how brilliant it was to have a big brother that he could look up to and be proud of. And at the very back of the hall was Tai, just looking at me with that heartbroken expression on his face. I woke up with a start. I was crying. Great.
I had no idea how late it was, but I felt like I'd been sleeping for at least a couple of hours. The others would be frantic - I had gotten over the 'nobody cares' phase. I knew they'd be frantic, especially Takeru. I had to get back... but not yet. First I had to dry my eyes.
I stiffened as I heard a noise almost right behind me. It's them! I thought. Sora and Koushiro and all the rest of them and maybe Taichi too, and they're gonna catch me crying... Never. Not in a million years, I'd never live it down and they'd tease me forever. Well, maybe not tease, but bring it up now and then in the topic of conversation, and natter about it while I burned with hatred for all their emotionalism. Not if I could help it. I upped and ran.
"What the..?" It had only been a couple of digimon I didn''t know, out for a late night stroll. I'd scared them out of their wits when I burst out from behind my tree like that. I began to slow down, but then, to my left, I heard the calls of my friends.
"Matt! Over here! We've been looking for you for *ages*. Are you all right? Yamato..."
I froze. My eyes were still bright red from crying and if they got any closer they'd see that straight away. If Tai saw - wait a minute. I did a double take. TAI?! What was he doing here? It was true, though, he was leading the group in their search for me. After all I'd said to hurt him he still wanted to make sure I was okay. My knees felt weak as a tide of pain ripped through me - I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve Tai's friendship, I didn't deserve any of their friendship. But they didn't care about that, and I didn't understand it.
Sora suddenly stepped forward and whispered something in Tai's ear. Tai looked surprised for a moment, then studied me more intently. He spoke. "Yamato... have you been -"
My red eyes! Tai was already beginning to move swiftly towards me, in a couple more seconds he would know for sure. I whirled around and ran back into the trees, not knowing where I was going, not caring, only panicking. I had to get away. I could hear the others yelling exasperatedly at me, but I didn't stop. They all thought I was the tough one. If they saw me crying, it would complicate *everything*.
Fortunately for me, I have a pretty good sense of direction. I had an idea of the way back to camp so I began making my way there, drying my eyes along the way. If I could get back before them then I could pretend to be asleep. Then maybe they wouldn't bother to wake me up and by the morning they might have forgotten about the whole thing. Yeah, right. But I'd deal with tomorrow tomorrow. I just wanted out at that moment, and sleep seemed the best way to go about it.
I wasn't far from camp, I realised. After only a couple of minutes jogging I could see the campfire's faint glow between the trees, and I broke into a full run. I wanted to make sure I got there well before the others did. But it was dark, and I wasn't looking where I was going anyway. My right foot sprinted straight into a large rock.
"AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!" I shoved my clenched fist into my mouth, but it was too late. The damage had been done. Thirteen shapes (that's including the digimon) appeared from the forest behind me, sprinting up to where I was standing. I tried to run, but I could only manage a limping trot. The others caught up easily, all talking at once.
"Matt, sit down and let me take a look at that foot." That was Sora's voice, rising above those of the other digi-destined. I gave up and sat down with my foot stuck out awkwardly in front of me. At least I didn't look like I'd been crying any more. I hardly dared look up at Tai, not after what I'd said to him, but I made myself do it. Oh God - he looked FURIOUS. I swallowed and shrank back against the tree I was leaning on. But I was determined that, when he started yelling, I wouldn't yell back. Not this time. I was going to take every insult he spat at me, I owed him that at least. He glared straight into my eyes and I stopped breathing. Here it came.
Tai suddenly spun round on his heel and began to walk away. "I'm gonna KILL them," he hissed. "Come on, Agumon. When I get my hands on them, they are *dead*."
I gaped in confusion. "Huh? Tai, where are you going?"
Tai turned back round to look at me, still with an expression of fierceness on his face, but now it was laced with grim determination, too. "To kick some digimon butt, Yamato. What else?"
"What? But - but WHY?" I spluttered.
"Why? WHY? How can you ask me WHY? Nobody beats up on my friend and gets away with it!"
"What are you on about, Tai? Have you lost your mind?"
"Oh, come on, Yamato. We all saw those digimon that you were running from. Everyone gets beat up on from time to time, don't go all too-proud-to-admit-I-got-my-ass-kicked on me now."
"Tai, they didnt' touch me! I ran because..." I stopped. What was I supposed to say? I sighed and shook my head. "Drop it, Tai, they weren't beating up on me."
"Oh really? Then why WERE you running from them, huh?"
Because I thought it was you, and I didn't want you to see that I was crying. No way in HELL was I telling him that, especially not in front of all the others as well! "Tai, I... I can't tell you. But they weren't trying to hurt me, okay?"
Tai shook his head vehemently. "No. *Not* okay. I know you're too proud to admit it, Yamato, but you don't have any other explanation, do you? So excuse me while Agumon and I go and beat six different colors of shit out of them. We'll be back soon."
"Tai, wait! They didn't... they weren't... TAI!" But he was gone. I sighed in exasperation, but I was smiling all over inside. Tai was trying to protect me. He had the wrong end of the stick entirely, of course, but he was still having a good go at bashing evil over the head with it... for me. Good old Tai. And yet... the smile left, and a frown took its place. I didn't deserve it. Everything I'd said to him, how much I'd hurt him, and he still stood up for me. I'd looked down my nose at the fact that he cared, and yet he carried on caring. Why?
"Okay, Matt, this is probably gonna hurt..." I winced as Sora tugged off my sneaker, bringing me back to reality. Mimi covered her eyes and moaned.
"Oh..." she whimpered. "Oh, all the blood..."
"Mimi, there isn't any blood," Jyou told her. "You can open your eyes."
I sighed in relief, then raised my head to look at Sora. "Is it broken?"
"I don't know, I'm gonna have to take your sock off."
"EWW! But Matt's feet are probably really CHEEESY!"
I considered telling Mimi to shut up, but figured I'd hurt enough feelings for one night. I hissed in air through my teeth as Sora peeled my sock down and slid it off, and Takeru squeezed my hand worriedly. I squeezed it back and smiled at him. "I'm fine," I whispered. "I just knocked it is all." Takeru nodded, comforted. Sora poked my toe gently, and I cleared my throat at her. She ignored me and carried on prodding. "Uh, Sora... that kinda hurts..."
"It's okay. It's not broken, but it's bruised pretty badly. You'll have a limp for a couple of days, but that's about it. We'll help you back to the campfire." She helped me to my feet, then instructed Mimi and Jyou to support me on either side.
"Why can't Koushiro do it?" walied Mimi. "I'm tired!"
"Because you and Jyou are the tallest," Sora replied firmly. Come on, Mimi, it's not far." Grumbling, Mimi helped Jyou support me as I hopped over to the fire. I collapsed onto the ground and muttered my thanks, then closed my eyes. As soon as Tai got back, I was hitting the sack. But not before. I owed it to him to make sure he was okay before I went to sleep.
Five minutes later, Agumon and a very annoyed looking Tai reappeared. "They've vanished," Tai said, scowling. "We couldn't find them." I was relieved - I didn't want to be the cause of two innocent digimon getting pounded into the dirt, and Tai looked set to kill.
Half an hour later, everyone was asleep except me. I was dead beat, but I couldn't sleep because I was still trying to puzzle out Tai's behaviour. He couldn't have forgotten what I'd said to him, so he must have forgiven me for it. But why? I would have understood it if he had forgiven me after a few days or something, but this had been immediate. And I still couldn't figure out what it was that made him still care after I'd... well, you know. Scorned his care. I sighed and turned over, and my eyes met Tai's. We both started. "Hey," I whispered. "I thought you were asleep."
"Couldn't," he replied quietly. "You neither?"
"Nah." We were quiet for a moment. "Tai..."
"Yeah?"
"Those digimon... weren't beating me up. But... it was, uh..." Oh hell. I swallowed my pride in one huge gulp, then said what I had to say. "It's good to know you'd stick up for me if I was ever really in trouble."
Tai gave me a warning glance. "Don't get used to it. I just didn't want them starting trouble with anyone else as well. I was acting in the group's best interests."
Yeah, right, I thought. If you say so, man. "Well, anyway... thanks, Tai."
"Whatever."
I chuckled. "You're starting to sound like me."
"Of course," Tai replied blandly. "Just like you. After all, you're the one who just doesn't care, aren't you, Yamato?"
I lowered my gaze to the floor. "About that..."
"Forget it. I shouldn't have dragged it up."
"No, really, I didn't mean what I said. We were just arguing, and it slipped out... and you do care, Tai. I know you do." I was looking straight at him again, but this time he was the one who looked away.
"I said forget it, Yamato. It's over."
"Yeah, I guess... night, Tai."
"Night, Matt."
I smiled. "You did it again."
"Did what?"
"Called me Matt."
"Uh... It *is* your name, right?"
"Yeah, but you never call me Matt. Always Yamato. You only called me Matt once before... when Megastatumon Freeziwinded me. You yelled it. It was the last thing I heard before..."
"Before you crashed into my arms."
"Before I WHAT?!"
"Ssshh, you'll wake everyone up!" He looked at me and grinned. "Yeah, Mr I-Have-My-Pride, Mr I-Am-So-Cool, Mr Don't-Mess-My-Hair-Or-I'll-Break-Your-Nose. You fainted in my arms. And now you're blushing."
"Am not!" I could feel it though, a hot blush starting in my cheeks and racing round behind my ears.
"You are too, dude! Aww, you looked so sweet..." He was just winding me up now. I made a face at him, and he poked his tongue out back. So silly, so childish... I promised myself I'd never reduce myself to being sociable again. And yet here I was, and it felt great. I'd forgotten how long it was since I'd had a friend.
"Man, we should sleep. We're gonna be heading out tomorrow."
"Yeah... did you guys ever decide on where we were going?"
"No, but I thought we might see if there's anything interesting in those hills on the horizon."
I closed my eyes and snuggled into Gabumon's stripey fur, smiling. "Okay."
There was a moment of pure shocked silence. Then, "What? What did you just say?"
"I said okay. If you wanna head for the hills, that's fine by me. I'm right behind you, man."
Tai let out a breath. "Well! You never cease to amaze me, Ya... Matt."
I grinned at his deliberate use of my nickname. "The feeling is mutual."
Tai muttered something under his breath then that I didn't quite catch. I couldn't be sure, of course, but I think it was, "I wish." What did *that* mean? Unless it meant... no. It couldn't. Tai and I were finally friends, and I had no right to hope for anything more. I yawned widely, then shifted myself into a more comfortable position. "Night, Tai."
"Night, Matt."
"Sweet, uh, dreams."
"You too."
"Night."
"Night."
I opened my eyes to look at him, and smiled sleepily. He was so - okay, no, I guess nobody's perfect. Tai least of all. But he was so... right. And yet the whole thing was so wrong. I sighed, gazing longingly at the smaller boy. If only...
Tai's eyes shot open, nearly bulging out of his head. He clutched his stomach and doubled over, now squeezing his eyes tight shut. "M-M-Matt... oh..." He looked up at me in terror and pain, pleading me to help him with his eyes. I stared in shock as those eyes rolled up in their sockets and Tai began shaking all over, not just shivering but juddering against the ground. I yelped, then gave vent to a proper yell.
"SORA!!! Oh my God, wake up, I think he's having a fit..." By then the whole camp was awake, and Sora was at Tai's side in a flash, trying to restrain him.
"Jyou, get that first aid kit over here... Koushiro, I need a hand! Do you know what's wrong?"
Koushiro hurried over to where Tai lay, turning pale as he saw the condition his friend was in. "You need to support the head, to stop it banging on the ground," he told her. "Other than that... there should be some information about fits on the internet."
"Do it! Now!" Sora yelled frantically, yanking her helmet from her head and trying to strap it onto Tai's. Koushiro flipped open his laptop and began tapping on the keys at high speed. Finally I regained control of my body, and I scrambled over to where Sora knelt beside Tai, trying to push her aside.
"Will he be all right? Is he okay?" I demanded hysterically. "Sora, what's *wrong* with him?"
"I don't know, Matt, just... oh shit, Mimi! Get over here and hold Matt back! JYOU! Where's that first aid kit?"
Then Mimi was tugging me away, and I sat holding a crying Takeru while Sora and Jyou fussed over our leader. They tried smelling salts - no result. They tried slapping him - no result. They even tried panicking and didn't work all that well either. But then suddenly the juddering became less violent, and Tai was only shivering. Gradually that, too, ceased. I heaved a sigh of relief.
"Thank God," breathed Sora. We all looked at eachother in consternation - what in the heck had just happened to Tai?! Jyou tapped his cheek.
"Come on, Tai, wake up... Tai... Tai..." his expression froze. "Oh my God, TAI! Sora, he's not breathing!"
"Oh no..." Sora checked for a pulse, I guessed from her sick expression that she didn't find one. "All right, Jyou, give him ten chest compressions, okay?"
"Right." Jyou began giving Taichi CPR, while Sora pinched his nose and gave him mouth to mouth. Jealousy washed over me and then took a back seat, this was no time for pettiness. Not when Tai was dead. Takeru was sobbing all over me, and I held him tighter. Please be all right, Tai, I thought, closing my eyes and trying to hold back the tears. Please be okay...
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What a place to leave it! Aren't I mean? Anyways, even if you think it's a load of rubbish I'm STILL gonna write part four, ya hear? Cos *I* wanna know what happens next too! Feedback would still be nice though, because I am a feedback junkie *foams at the mouth and leers* support my habit, or feel my wrath!. :~( -Kae Ti xx