pureVENOM: Hello, any readers that are reading this~! Sigh, my chapter *sniff*, as well as ALL my other saved works on the compy, were completely erased... I gotta write 'em over again. Arrrrghhh.... So much bad luckiness to me lately... My leg, my grades, my Shadow Hearts game, the computer... Sheesh... Well, enough complaining from me!! On with da fic!
I'm cutting some stuff short now, 'cause I hate rewriting things.
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Chapter Thirteen: Greetings, Invader!
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Ahh... It's a lovely, crisp, 4:00 AM night out. The moon is a shining, silver smile, and the stars are twinkling wannabe diamonds. Our beloved nice neighbor Johnny peers out from his massive front door and admires the clear, pure sky.
This sky gives him a sort of contemplating mood, and the thin man begins to reminisce about his neighbors saying that he was quote "nice." He wants to try to live up to this title he has, and so, goes back inside his home to prepare some things.... Like party invitations! He was going to invite the loud green kid, the big-head kid, the mop-hair girl, the tall wing-guy, and the lil robot/puppy.
*** some hours later at hi skool
As the day comes by, it seems clouds are appearing and gathering.
Beneath these grayish masses of water vapor, a large-headed boy is running about the skool grounds with a pine-soap-scented water pistol, searching for someone.
"Cuuuurse you, Diiib!!!" Zim cried as his Human rival passed below his tree hiding spot. "D'oh!!" the Irken cried as he realized he just gave away his position.
Dib grinned as he spotted the idiotic Irken, but a thought crossed his mind. Fausta was always the first to reach skool, and there were only a few minutes left 'til the bell rang, and she still wasn't there. Oh well.
SHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSHHHHH!!! "AHHHHHHHHhhhhHhhHH!!!"
Ah, the music to the ears of our dear Dib. "Mm, the pine-scented smell of VICtory, Zim!! You smell it!?" the Dib taunted happily.
Zim could really only smell his hissing burnt flesh, but he growled out a reply: "Pine-scent vic-tor-ee THIS, HUman!!" And the Irken brought out a comically large bucket of piney-scented dishwashing soap from his pant's pocket, that could never really fit in real-life, and poured it onto the Human below.
"HAH! This soap doesn't hurt ME, Zim!!" Dib shouted in response. It was tear-free dishwashing soap! Um, hehe.
Zim frowned. There were so many poisonous substances in the soap, he saw in the ingredients. STUpid Human poisons!! They didn't even poison right!! Hm. They must only work when ingested.
"Um..... SO??" he questioned.
"Hmph. Anyway, you know, Zim, I think it's going to rain today. And that soap-soaking I just gave you must've washed off all your precious PASTE armor." Dib pocketed the watery weapon.
Before anymore havoc could ensue, the skool bell rang. Time to head for first period!
*** At Faust and Fausta's Earthern base
The Onyx Wings eyes slowly opened. "Oyy...." she groaned unhappily. "I've never been so...so......TIRED before..."
She sat up and rubbed at her itchy still-sleepy eyes. "Computer, what time is it, and what's wrong with me?? Have I caught some Wingen ailment?"
The screen and panels nearby flickered to life with a few beeps. "Negative, and it is.... Oh..... OH HOLY STYX!!"
The Oynx Wing jerk upwards and hopped clumsily out of bed, now almost fully awake. "What!? What is it, Compy!?"
"It's time for skool, mistress!!" it cried.
Fausta got that silent, dull, annoyed look. Then, "WHAT!? Why didn't you wake me!? Why didn't I wake me!?! I NEVER oversleep!! It's against Wingen nature!! On man, this is SO wrong!! Do I have the BRAIN WORMS or something!?!?"
"Again, there is nothing physically wrong with you, mistress."
She glared angrily at the soft silvery screen. "What, are you saying I'm insane then!?"
"Oh please, we all know you're schizophreni--"
"Shut-up!! I KNOW that, but this is ....WEIRD!!" She hurriedly ran a hand through her mop of dark hair a couple times, and shoved on a nifty silver trench that was close by, not noticing the bladed wings that tore smoothly through the thin material. She snatched her backpack and didn't bother to wash up, since she hadn't eaten anything the past two days, and her face and fang-like teeth were perfectly clean. Yes, PERFECTLY!! Mwa haha--cough.
"Aw, by Hades!! How do I get all the way to skool in a Humanly fashion!? The bus is LONG gone, and it'll take far too much time to WALK!"
The computer beeped lowly, a sort of digital shrug. "When in doubt, use catapult."
Fausta furrowed her brows angrily. "I'm SERIOUS."
"Well, there's also always cannon. But it's more painful. Either way, you'll probably seriously consider these choices soon, knowing that Mister Bitters shall take roll soon, and the master is NOT going to drive you there." The computer beeped and blooped loudly in amusement.
"Sigh..."
*** At hi skool- the Bitters room
Zim now noticed the missing Fausta. Not a good thing, he decided. Very not a good thing. Think of the world domineering stuffs she could do in this time!! Argh!
Sara, who sat behind Dib sniffed a bit and feigned a grimace. "SOMEone smells foresty-fresh today."
Some students snickered while Dib groaned.
"Zim, you're here today, as usual. Blast you, and your filthy ...good studentness-person." Mister Bitters growled, checking off the 'DOOM' box on the roll sheet.
He looked up at Fausta's empty seat, and to the roll sheet and grinned. He was just about to check the....
CRASH SMASSSHHH "ARGH!!! OW! ERGH!!" CRACK!!!! Aren't the sounds of a winged girl slamming through the skool roof and plummeting painfully into her now-wreck desk, just lovely??
Squeezing a brown eye closed in unhappinfulness, she growled out a greeting to the instructor.
"Hm..." The Bitters frowned and checked off the 'DOOM' choice as well. "It seems you have come to join your literally doomed classmates today, young man?"
Fausta winced again, and made a mental note to correct her teachers' student sheets. "Um, yessir."
Dib, who had been gaping the entire time at the Wing, finally found his voice. "LOOK EVERYONE!!! PROOF! RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES!!! She has WINGS!!! Attatched to her back!! Flappy flappy thingies to FLY!! An ALIEN!!! ARGH!! LOOK AT THE ALIEN!!"
A few students looked at Zim, then turned to ranting Dib, then the plastered-covered Wing. They gasped.
Fausta cursed her stupidity at forgetting about her un-Human appearance, and paled several shades, realizing the feathery appendages wouldn't retract.
"Oh yes." Mister Bitters looked only semi-interested. "What with your new look today, Fausta?"
Dib staggered forward, tripping on some former-ceiling beams, and glared at the teacher with pleading eyes. "Mister Bitters!! You're an intelligent being! TELL ME, you realize that Fausta is an alien!!"
The Wing frowned. "I'm NOT an alien!!"
"Of course I believe Fausta's an alien," the Bitters shrugged. "I'm not blind," he stated, rubbing his spectacles vigorously. He took the glass piece off, blinked a few times, rubbed them again, and put them back on.
Fausta flared her wings. "But I'm NOT--"
"Then WHAT," the scary instructor growled, "do you propose you are??"
The Wing managed an unconvincing, shaky, casual smile. "A normal Human minor, sir!"
Dib grinned, seeing the disbelieving looks on everyone. "I don't think so."
Even Zim was intrigued by what was happening. The green one wondered what the stupid schizoid-beast was DOING. Even these dumb Human worm-stinks could tell she wasn't one of them.
"Then why are there WINGS growing out of your back, huh??" Sara questioned, angry about losing her seat in front of the class, close to the door.
"Yes, Fausta. WHY??" Dib added, enjoying this.
"I uh, have a p-perfectly normal explanation f-for that!!" she stammered, suddenly afraid. There was no telling what could happen with the Dib-mortal and a bunch of Human allies here, knowing she wasn't Human. Horrible experiments and dissecty stuff flashed through her mind.
"It's a um... back... ailment...no, an...illness!.....Erm, problem...?" -.^;;;;;;
Dib's victorious smirk widened.
"No.. wait... it's um, a condition....??"
She stopped as some faces lighted up in that 'oh' look. She grinned evilly at the now nervous Dib. "Yes, it's a CONDITION! IT's a BACK CONDITION, ALL!!!! AHHAHAHA!!!! BEHOLD!!!"
The Bitters frowned. "Okay, whatever. Fausta, go to your totaled seat of doom, before I think of some torturous punishment."
"Yessir! Whee!!" she replied, complying.
Dib's brows slanted down and his eyes narrowed. "Mister Bit--"
"You TOO, Dib."
The Human sighed and obeyed.
Zim extended a single mech-leg to poke the still-pale Wing in the shoulder. "What are you up to, schizoid-beast?"
"Nothing, you green-scum!" she hissed back, moodily, rubbing her aching head.
The Irken smiled, baring dull yellow teeth. "Heh. I see you're feeling the same way I did the first day I encountered the Dib-Human."
"Ah, he did the very same thing?" she questioned with a scowl, and opening her binder.
The Irken nodded smugly. "You even used my magNIFicent excuse."
She narrowed her dark eyes. "A 'BACK condition'?"
"Well, mine was a 'skin condition,' " he corrected.
"Hm. If this morphing problem persists perhaps I could get some Earthenoid-evading advice from you," she continued.
The green one's smugness got even smuggier.
"Haha. What an amusing thought. Don't count on it, Irken-mortal," Fausta added, flicking her wing tips in disdain.
A growl from the Irken.
There was a sharp crackling from the classroom-speaker. There was about to be an announcement. Everyone perked their ears up to listen attentively. Perhaps it was some good news?? Although not likely.
"Crackle, crackle... Mmm, um... Is this thing on?? This is the Hi Skool Principal speaking. Anyhoo, my psychic told me there's going to be some major storm today, and that all the rooms except for Bitters and the cafeteria are going to be flooded in eleven inches of H2O!! So, I order everyone to go into either one of those rooms right now, to avoid water stains on clothes and suing."
Zim's pupils contracted to terrified lavender pinpoints. Fausta growled about her shoes would get soaked, and how she should've put on boots instead. Dib was almost bursting with joy. He frowned about the fact that he didn't believe in psychics.
"Water doesn't stain clothes," Dib frowned, wiping some slimey, piney dishwashing soap from his hair.
"And it isn't going to rain today," Fausta added, gesturing to the azure sky beyond the window.
There was a nearly inaudiable plink as a single small water droplet hit the glass. Then another, and another.
The Wing scowled. "Well, it's not going to rain so much that it would FLOOD the skool. I mean, that's just STUP--"
CRAAAACK!!! A crack of thunder accompanied by several bolts of menacing lightning rung out. It was also suddenly a lot darker. Suddenly, it seemed as if
"What!? But it was such a nice day out! This is absurd!" Fausta protested heatedly.
"Oh shut-up with your craazy babbling, craaazy-girl," Sara growled, covering her ears.
A few students growled in agreement.
The Wing hunched down in dejection.
Dib frowned. "What I wanna know is HOW does the rest of the skool flood when this room and the cafeteria doesn't??"
The two non-Humans shrugged. Zim was now a pale, pasty green. It's a very gross color.
*** A few minutes later
Mister Bitters seemed to be asleep or SOMETHING. That sort of shut down thing his little sister does every now and then.
The class Irken was a quivering green leaf now, and the squall was becoming even worse.
Dib glanced toward the windows, water streaming down the glassy panes in an incessant flood. "The skool MUST be flooded by NOW," he thought aloud. "So why is this classroom so dry...?"
"Well, why not see?" The Wing quietly got up and carefully opened the class door. As she peered through, a disbelieving expression overcame her features.
"What is it...?" Zim inquired, tilting his head a bit.
The Wing scowled, stalked back to the two boys, and half-dragged them to the door.
"Look out there, and tell me you believe it!" she ordered.
They complied hesitantly. The water line, some eleven inches above skool ground, quivered outside the door of Bitters, as if some invisible forcefield held it back from gushing into the room.
Fausta was ranting. "What!? WHAT?? WHAT is THAT?? Huh, huh?? No HUMAN technology can do this! There're no SuperNaturals or magick-wielders around! There's no Irken, no Wingen technologies about eith--"
"Oh, shut-up," Dib growled. "It's what's happening. Just accept it. ...Wait, what do YOU know about magi--"
The Wing shook her head. "I will certainly NOT! I live by science, and THAT dun seem very logical to meeeee!!"
"What in the Irken Empire is wrong with you? You're so ....more schizo-y than normal!" Zim commented.
Fausta opened her fang-filled mouth and rose a finger to protest, but the end-of-period bell suddenly rang.
The unconscious instructor immediately shot to life and growled out, "All right, kiddies. The skool's temporarily flooded, so you'll have to stay in HERE for the rest of the skool DAY."
There were unhappy groans from all! ^.^
The Bitters continued, "But I only teach Geometry, so you're all on your own to learn."
"YAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!" could be heard all throughout the skool for several long moments.
"What, so we're stuck here doing nothing for like, five and a half hours??" Dib wondered, with a delighted, dazed look.
"I guess, eh, mortal?" Fausta responded.
The three headed back to their seats slowly, taking their time.
"So, uh," the Wing started, trying to begin a conversation to span this five and a half hours of idleness. "I noticed a new scent on you, Human, and several new water-induced burns on you, Irken. What happened while I was um.... on my way to skool?"
The two glared at each other.
"A MInor soap and water battle, Wing-beast. Nuuuuh-thing to set your in FERior mind upon," the Irken said dismissively.
Dib snorted. "And what's with that crashing through the roof act? Meet up with that 'horrible death-bee' again or something?? And you're not disguised as a Human. What's with that too?"
Fausta scowled at the Human's tone. "Actually, no, but I dun really wanna get into that."
"Whatever." The Dib shrugged his coated shoulders.
"So, why don't we superior three of the world humor each other these long skool hours?" Zim asked, forgetting about the water.
Fausta shrugged unenthusiastically, slumped on her desk. "What do you have in mind, Irken?"
The girl had no idea the next brief hour would be one of the most happiest of her life.
"Well," Zim continued, "how about our lives' stories?" He grinned, showing his Irken teeth. "Ah, I remember the time I saved the Earth from perfect DOOM, well!"
Dib frowned, not believeing this. "Oh, come ON! We ALL know you plot out the destruction of the world, Zim!"
"No, wait," Fausta interrupted. "Let him continue."
Zim put on a smug expression as usual. "I TRIED to warn that steeew-pid Dib-Human, but he refused to believe my almighty truth! So, GIR and I used our Voot Cruiser to fend off the targeted Earth from the fierce, but not-as-fierce-as-Zim PLANET JACKERS."
The Wing was intrigued. "Ooh! Planet Jackers!!" Who wouldn't be interested in a story about fighting off a race that destroyed entire planets at a time, burning trillions upon trillions of lives, with them.
Dib was just confused. The poor, uninformed, ignorant Human. Sigh. Alas! Tsk, tsk, tsk, and et cetera. Yeah. Confused. Soooo, he just said what he could in this conversation.
"Wasn't that the time you burst through my front door, and I threw stuff at your head and chased you off, after you went ranting about needing my help??"
"Oh?" was Fausta's response to this. It seemed a nice little bout of rivalry was warming up.
"Yes, Diiii-buh." Zim rolled his lensed eyes. "But I wouldn't be so boastful if I were you. I'VE saved your miserable planet to meet its doom at MY aMAZing hands, MANY, many, MANY more times than YOU, you self-announced Earth-defender."
Dib snorted indignantly. "Oh please. I've been a secret agent defender of Earth since before you ever REACHed Earth, Zim." He glared dangerously at the Irken. "You don't know anything. I mean, come ON. That time you used the Temporal Object Replacement Unit--"
Fausta's eyes widened considerably. "WHAT!? That Irken was STUPID, MORONIC, IDIOTIC, FOOLISH...." This list went on for a while. You'd think she'd memorized the thesaurus.
"....enough to ALTER TIME???"
The Human nodded. The Irken looked as if he'd been stabbed, and he were trying to hold his pain.
"Yeah, and he actually killed me, but my dad brought me back with some freaky robot technology. I was THIS CLOSE to smashing that evil little alien!!" He held his fingers a hundredth of a millimeter away from each other.
Zim feigned a confident snort. "Huh! That comes nowhere NEAR the time I used nano-technology to destroy the Human's brain! Hahaha!! I had the worm-baby hopping around like the dull-witted Guhsqueedasplorch*!! Lazered that arm-control nerve in his belly as crispy as the DISGUSTing Human fried-bird-DIRT he eats! Wah hahaha!!"
*I really dun think I spelled this right. The creature Zim mentioned from 'Abducted'.
"Wait. Do Humans HAVE an arm-control nerve in their bellies?" Fausta wondered.
"I don't THINK they do," Dib replied.
"Of COUUURSE they have arm-control nerves in their bellies!! Where ELSE would they be??" Zim responded.
"Well, he DOES have a point there," The Wing stated.
"Whatever. Anyway, that little stunt winded his nano-ship and him, totaled and down the sewers." Dib smirked evilly.
Fausta caught this look. "NOOOO..." she said, delighted, shocked, and disgusted by the Human's maliciousness all at the same time. "You DIDN'T!!!"
The unwavering smirk on Dib's visage said otherwise.
The Wing began to laugh hysterically, covering her near-mouth-splitting grin with her gloved hands.
Zim, however, seemed less than amused. "Fool Earthenoids! That trifle is NOTHING compared to the time I foiled your plot of destroying my mighty base and captured you, the time I sent you and the rest of the Bitters's class into a wormhole, the time I had you caged with the monkey for days, AND when I transformed you into the bologna that you are deep down inside!!"
"Wow." Fausta looked semi-impressed. "Tampering with wormholes and Earth creatures??"
Dib shook his head. "FOUR things, Zim! One- my LITTLE SISTER got me out of your stupid space...-thing. TWO- I RESCUED Bitters's class--"
"A foolish move," the Irken commented, interrupting.
"Yeah, well..." Dib glared at his alien rival. "That's not the point!! THREE- I ESCAPED from your cruddy cage. And FOUR- I turned YOU into bologna as well! Hah! I can still remember you screaming 'I'm bliiiiind!!' when the bologna meats were beginning to fuse with your eyes!"
Zim growled. "In any case, Human! When's the last time you even came CLOSE to destroying ME, the supERior being!? Is it only ZIM who excells in warfare!? HAH! My MegaDoomer would've doomed you GOOD if only this PITiFUL planet had a decent power source!!"
Dib snorted dismissively. "Whatever! That this was just STUPID! It couldn't even cloak you or the power cord! And the very next day, was that wonderful lice incident!" He began to laugh evilly.
"Huh?" Fausta asked. "I'm sorry, but my knowledge of Earth isn't PERfect, so, um... what're lice?"
"Ugh!! Horrible, disGUSTing little .....BUUUGS...!!! In FILTHY Human HAIIIRR....!!" Zim answered for Dib.
"Eww. Soundz weird!" Fausta commented, giggling.
"AND," Zim continued. "If it wasn't for my great, superior skin, you and the rest of your sad, sad world would have been DOOMed by that Lice Queen!!"
"Wow, I had no idea Zim's saved Earth so many times!" the Wing exclaimed. "It almost makes me guilty that I'm going to conquer it after all his hard work!"
Ah. And so approximately an hour passed, Zim and Dib trying to out-talk the other with their past adventures, and Fausta listening attentively.
*** And so, after an hour of Dib's and Zim's storytelling
The hour ended with very high negative sentiments between the Human and Irken. The Wing, however, was all too happy and cackly.
"Grrrr..." The Dib-Human spun away from the Irken, and the Irken did likewise as well.
"So, what about you, Fausta? Any wacky stories for us to hear that we don't already know?"
The Wing shrugged. "Ah, I've lived a pretty dull life. Created in the Underworld, shipped off to some insanely strict training center in Avis, then after I turned fourteen, was sent over here." She sighed. "Ta da! My life story."
Dib and Zim exchanged odd glances.
"Well, then what do you know about the supernatural and stuff?" Dib questioned further. "You DID mention it earlier."
"Oh yeah," she replied. "Well, the Great Sir Marcellus did extensive research on ghosts and poltergeists in the Underworld some hundred years ago. And he made lots of nifty anti-spook equipment."
"Psh. Could've used something like that when Zim and I were trapped in my head," Dib commented.
Suddenly, the soft yellow classroom lights began to flicker and turned a deep red.
"U.F.O. ALERT, U.F.O. ALERT," began to repeat in an annoyingly cheap computerized voice, over and over again, while the crimson lights flashed.
The chalkboard disappeared to reveal a complex-looking computer panel, and Mister Bitters immediately went to attend to it, an actual nervous expression across his decrepit face.
"UFOes!?" Dib cried, flinging himself towards the window.
The entire room was now quivering violently; something large was coming fast. The rains were not lightening up any either. Yeesh~!!
"What's going on?!?" Zim demanded shakily. The Irken leapt up reluctantly to the window as well.
Fausta, intrigued, followed in suit just in time to see a large ship slam forcefully into the field outside. "Who is it, guys??" she asked, squeezing herself between the two to get a good view. The rains made it hard to see, but the three could make out an Irken figure climbing out of his or her ship.
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pureVENOM: Whew. That only took forever to write. Ah, very nice time to finish as well, since the new episodes 'MegaDoomer' and 'Lice' were just on! Ah, the loveliness!! The Countess is SO kewl! And Tenn!! OMG!! Poor Ms. Bitters!! Poor Invader Tenn!!
A QUESTION FOR DA READER:
Say, it was originally going to be Invader Scoodge that appears next, but now I'm stuck between him and the unfortunate Invader Tenn. Should it be Invader Tenn or Invader Scoodge who emerges from that ship?? Either way, the other will appear later on, but whatever!
LESSON OF THIS CHAPTER:
If your principal SAYS the skool's gonna flood eleven inches, then dog-gone-it! It's GONNA FLOOD ELEVEN INCHES!!
Whee!! Bye bye!!
I'm cutting some stuff short now, 'cause I hate rewriting things.
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Chapter Thirteen: Greetings, Invader!
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Ahh... It's a lovely, crisp, 4:00 AM night out. The moon is a shining, silver smile, and the stars are twinkling wannabe diamonds. Our beloved nice neighbor Johnny peers out from his massive front door and admires the clear, pure sky.
This sky gives him a sort of contemplating mood, and the thin man begins to reminisce about his neighbors saying that he was quote "nice." He wants to try to live up to this title he has, and so, goes back inside his home to prepare some things.... Like party invitations! He was going to invite the loud green kid, the big-head kid, the mop-hair girl, the tall wing-guy, and the lil robot/puppy.
*** some hours later at hi skool
As the day comes by, it seems clouds are appearing and gathering.
Beneath these grayish masses of water vapor, a large-headed boy is running about the skool grounds with a pine-soap-scented water pistol, searching for someone.
"Cuuuurse you, Diiib!!!" Zim cried as his Human rival passed below his tree hiding spot. "D'oh!!" the Irken cried as he realized he just gave away his position.
Dib grinned as he spotted the idiotic Irken, but a thought crossed his mind. Fausta was always the first to reach skool, and there were only a few minutes left 'til the bell rang, and she still wasn't there. Oh well.
SHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSHHHHH!!! "AHHHHHHHHhhhhHhhHH!!!"
Ah, the music to the ears of our dear Dib. "Mm, the pine-scented smell of VICtory, Zim!! You smell it!?" the Dib taunted happily.
Zim could really only smell his hissing burnt flesh, but he growled out a reply: "Pine-scent vic-tor-ee THIS, HUman!!" And the Irken brought out a comically large bucket of piney-scented dishwashing soap from his pant's pocket, that could never really fit in real-life, and poured it onto the Human below.
"HAH! This soap doesn't hurt ME, Zim!!" Dib shouted in response. It was tear-free dishwashing soap! Um, hehe.
Zim frowned. There were so many poisonous substances in the soap, he saw in the ingredients. STUpid Human poisons!! They didn't even poison right!! Hm. They must only work when ingested.
"Um..... SO??" he questioned.
"Hmph. Anyway, you know, Zim, I think it's going to rain today. And that soap-soaking I just gave you must've washed off all your precious PASTE armor." Dib pocketed the watery weapon.
Before anymore havoc could ensue, the skool bell rang. Time to head for first period!
*** At Faust and Fausta's Earthern base
The Onyx Wings eyes slowly opened. "Oyy...." she groaned unhappily. "I've never been so...so......TIRED before..."
She sat up and rubbed at her itchy still-sleepy eyes. "Computer, what time is it, and what's wrong with me?? Have I caught some Wingen ailment?"
The screen and panels nearby flickered to life with a few beeps. "Negative, and it is.... Oh..... OH HOLY STYX!!"
The Oynx Wing jerk upwards and hopped clumsily out of bed, now almost fully awake. "What!? What is it, Compy!?"
"It's time for skool, mistress!!" it cried.
Fausta got that silent, dull, annoyed look. Then, "WHAT!? Why didn't you wake me!? Why didn't I wake me!?! I NEVER oversleep!! It's against Wingen nature!! On man, this is SO wrong!! Do I have the BRAIN WORMS or something!?!?"
"Again, there is nothing physically wrong with you, mistress."
She glared angrily at the soft silvery screen. "What, are you saying I'm insane then!?"
"Oh please, we all know you're schizophreni--"
"Shut-up!! I KNOW that, but this is ....WEIRD!!" She hurriedly ran a hand through her mop of dark hair a couple times, and shoved on a nifty silver trench that was close by, not noticing the bladed wings that tore smoothly through the thin material. She snatched her backpack and didn't bother to wash up, since she hadn't eaten anything the past two days, and her face and fang-like teeth were perfectly clean. Yes, PERFECTLY!! Mwa haha--cough.
"Aw, by Hades!! How do I get all the way to skool in a Humanly fashion!? The bus is LONG gone, and it'll take far too much time to WALK!"
The computer beeped lowly, a sort of digital shrug. "When in doubt, use catapult."
Fausta furrowed her brows angrily. "I'm SERIOUS."
"Well, there's also always cannon. But it's more painful. Either way, you'll probably seriously consider these choices soon, knowing that Mister Bitters shall take roll soon, and the master is NOT going to drive you there." The computer beeped and blooped loudly in amusement.
"Sigh..."
*** At hi skool- the Bitters room
Zim now noticed the missing Fausta. Not a good thing, he decided. Very not a good thing. Think of the world domineering stuffs she could do in this time!! Argh!
Sara, who sat behind Dib sniffed a bit and feigned a grimace. "SOMEone smells foresty-fresh today."
Some students snickered while Dib groaned.
"Zim, you're here today, as usual. Blast you, and your filthy ...good studentness-person." Mister Bitters growled, checking off the 'DOOM' box on the roll sheet.
He looked up at Fausta's empty seat, and to the roll sheet and grinned. He was just about to check the....
CRASH SMASSSHHH "ARGH!!! OW! ERGH!!" CRACK!!!! Aren't the sounds of a winged girl slamming through the skool roof and plummeting painfully into her now-wreck desk, just lovely??
Squeezing a brown eye closed in unhappinfulness, she growled out a greeting to the instructor.
"Hm..." The Bitters frowned and checked off the 'DOOM' choice as well. "It seems you have come to join your literally doomed classmates today, young man?"
Fausta winced again, and made a mental note to correct her teachers' student sheets. "Um, yessir."
Dib, who had been gaping the entire time at the Wing, finally found his voice. "LOOK EVERYONE!!! PROOF! RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES!!! She has WINGS!!! Attatched to her back!! Flappy flappy thingies to FLY!! An ALIEN!!! ARGH!! LOOK AT THE ALIEN!!"
A few students looked at Zim, then turned to ranting Dib, then the plastered-covered Wing. They gasped.
Fausta cursed her stupidity at forgetting about her un-Human appearance, and paled several shades, realizing the feathery appendages wouldn't retract.
"Oh yes." Mister Bitters looked only semi-interested. "What with your new look today, Fausta?"
Dib staggered forward, tripping on some former-ceiling beams, and glared at the teacher with pleading eyes. "Mister Bitters!! You're an intelligent being! TELL ME, you realize that Fausta is an alien!!"
The Wing frowned. "I'm NOT an alien!!"
"Of course I believe Fausta's an alien," the Bitters shrugged. "I'm not blind," he stated, rubbing his spectacles vigorously. He took the glass piece off, blinked a few times, rubbed them again, and put them back on.
Fausta flared her wings. "But I'm NOT--"
"Then WHAT," the scary instructor growled, "do you propose you are??"
The Wing managed an unconvincing, shaky, casual smile. "A normal Human minor, sir!"
Dib grinned, seeing the disbelieving looks on everyone. "I don't think so."
Even Zim was intrigued by what was happening. The green one wondered what the stupid schizoid-beast was DOING. Even these dumb Human worm-stinks could tell she wasn't one of them.
"Then why are there WINGS growing out of your back, huh??" Sara questioned, angry about losing her seat in front of the class, close to the door.
"Yes, Fausta. WHY??" Dib added, enjoying this.
"I uh, have a p-perfectly normal explanation f-for that!!" she stammered, suddenly afraid. There was no telling what could happen with the Dib-mortal and a bunch of Human allies here, knowing she wasn't Human. Horrible experiments and dissecty stuff flashed through her mind.
"It's a um... back... ailment...no, an...illness!.....Erm, problem...?" -.^;;;;;;
Dib's victorious smirk widened.
"No.. wait... it's um, a condition....??"
She stopped as some faces lighted up in that 'oh' look. She grinned evilly at the now nervous Dib. "Yes, it's a CONDITION! IT's a BACK CONDITION, ALL!!!! AHHAHAHA!!!! BEHOLD!!!"
The Bitters frowned. "Okay, whatever. Fausta, go to your totaled seat of doom, before I think of some torturous punishment."
"Yessir! Whee!!" she replied, complying.
Dib's brows slanted down and his eyes narrowed. "Mister Bit--"
"You TOO, Dib."
The Human sighed and obeyed.
Zim extended a single mech-leg to poke the still-pale Wing in the shoulder. "What are you up to, schizoid-beast?"
"Nothing, you green-scum!" she hissed back, moodily, rubbing her aching head.
The Irken smiled, baring dull yellow teeth. "Heh. I see you're feeling the same way I did the first day I encountered the Dib-Human."
"Ah, he did the very same thing?" she questioned with a scowl, and opening her binder.
The Irken nodded smugly. "You even used my magNIFicent excuse."
She narrowed her dark eyes. "A 'BACK condition'?"
"Well, mine was a 'skin condition,' " he corrected.
"Hm. If this morphing problem persists perhaps I could get some Earthenoid-evading advice from you," she continued.
The green one's smugness got even smuggier.
"Haha. What an amusing thought. Don't count on it, Irken-mortal," Fausta added, flicking her wing tips in disdain.
A growl from the Irken.
There was a sharp crackling from the classroom-speaker. There was about to be an announcement. Everyone perked their ears up to listen attentively. Perhaps it was some good news?? Although not likely.
"Crackle, crackle... Mmm, um... Is this thing on?? This is the Hi Skool Principal speaking. Anyhoo, my psychic told me there's going to be some major storm today, and that all the rooms except for Bitters and the cafeteria are going to be flooded in eleven inches of H2O!! So, I order everyone to go into either one of those rooms right now, to avoid water stains on clothes and suing."
Zim's pupils contracted to terrified lavender pinpoints. Fausta growled about her shoes would get soaked, and how she should've put on boots instead. Dib was almost bursting with joy. He frowned about the fact that he didn't believe in psychics.
"Water doesn't stain clothes," Dib frowned, wiping some slimey, piney dishwashing soap from his hair.
"And it isn't going to rain today," Fausta added, gesturing to the azure sky beyond the window.
There was a nearly inaudiable plink as a single small water droplet hit the glass. Then another, and another.
The Wing scowled. "Well, it's not going to rain so much that it would FLOOD the skool. I mean, that's just STUP--"
CRAAAACK!!! A crack of thunder accompanied by several bolts of menacing lightning rung out. It was also suddenly a lot darker. Suddenly, it seemed as if
"What!? But it was such a nice day out! This is absurd!" Fausta protested heatedly.
"Oh shut-up with your craazy babbling, craaazy-girl," Sara growled, covering her ears.
A few students growled in agreement.
The Wing hunched down in dejection.
Dib frowned. "What I wanna know is HOW does the rest of the skool flood when this room and the cafeteria doesn't??"
The two non-Humans shrugged. Zim was now a pale, pasty green. It's a very gross color.
*** A few minutes later
Mister Bitters seemed to be asleep or SOMETHING. That sort of shut down thing his little sister does every now and then.
The class Irken was a quivering green leaf now, and the squall was becoming even worse.
Dib glanced toward the windows, water streaming down the glassy panes in an incessant flood. "The skool MUST be flooded by NOW," he thought aloud. "So why is this classroom so dry...?"
"Well, why not see?" The Wing quietly got up and carefully opened the class door. As she peered through, a disbelieving expression overcame her features.
"What is it...?" Zim inquired, tilting his head a bit.
The Wing scowled, stalked back to the two boys, and half-dragged them to the door.
"Look out there, and tell me you believe it!" she ordered.
They complied hesitantly. The water line, some eleven inches above skool ground, quivered outside the door of Bitters, as if some invisible forcefield held it back from gushing into the room.
Fausta was ranting. "What!? WHAT?? WHAT is THAT?? Huh, huh?? No HUMAN technology can do this! There're no SuperNaturals or magick-wielders around! There's no Irken, no Wingen technologies about eith--"
"Oh, shut-up," Dib growled. "It's what's happening. Just accept it. ...Wait, what do YOU know about magi--"
The Wing shook her head. "I will certainly NOT! I live by science, and THAT dun seem very logical to meeeee!!"
"What in the Irken Empire is wrong with you? You're so ....more schizo-y than normal!" Zim commented.
Fausta opened her fang-filled mouth and rose a finger to protest, but the end-of-period bell suddenly rang.
The unconscious instructor immediately shot to life and growled out, "All right, kiddies. The skool's temporarily flooded, so you'll have to stay in HERE for the rest of the skool DAY."
There were unhappy groans from all! ^.^
The Bitters continued, "But I only teach Geometry, so you're all on your own to learn."
"YAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!" could be heard all throughout the skool for several long moments.
"What, so we're stuck here doing nothing for like, five and a half hours??" Dib wondered, with a delighted, dazed look.
"I guess, eh, mortal?" Fausta responded.
The three headed back to their seats slowly, taking their time.
"So, uh," the Wing started, trying to begin a conversation to span this five and a half hours of idleness. "I noticed a new scent on you, Human, and several new water-induced burns on you, Irken. What happened while I was um.... on my way to skool?"
The two glared at each other.
"A MInor soap and water battle, Wing-beast. Nuuuuh-thing to set your in FERior mind upon," the Irken said dismissively.
Dib snorted. "And what's with that crashing through the roof act? Meet up with that 'horrible death-bee' again or something?? And you're not disguised as a Human. What's with that too?"
Fausta scowled at the Human's tone. "Actually, no, but I dun really wanna get into that."
"Whatever." The Dib shrugged his coated shoulders.
"So, why don't we superior three of the world humor each other these long skool hours?" Zim asked, forgetting about the water.
Fausta shrugged unenthusiastically, slumped on her desk. "What do you have in mind, Irken?"
The girl had no idea the next brief hour would be one of the most happiest of her life.
"Well," Zim continued, "how about our lives' stories?" He grinned, showing his Irken teeth. "Ah, I remember the time I saved the Earth from perfect DOOM, well!"
Dib frowned, not believeing this. "Oh, come ON! We ALL know you plot out the destruction of the world, Zim!"
"No, wait," Fausta interrupted. "Let him continue."
Zim put on a smug expression as usual. "I TRIED to warn that steeew-pid Dib-Human, but he refused to believe my almighty truth! So, GIR and I used our Voot Cruiser to fend off the targeted Earth from the fierce, but not-as-fierce-as-Zim PLANET JACKERS."
The Wing was intrigued. "Ooh! Planet Jackers!!" Who wouldn't be interested in a story about fighting off a race that destroyed entire planets at a time, burning trillions upon trillions of lives, with them.
Dib was just confused. The poor, uninformed, ignorant Human. Sigh. Alas! Tsk, tsk, tsk, and et cetera. Yeah. Confused. Soooo, he just said what he could in this conversation.
"Wasn't that the time you burst through my front door, and I threw stuff at your head and chased you off, after you went ranting about needing my help??"
"Oh?" was Fausta's response to this. It seemed a nice little bout of rivalry was warming up.
"Yes, Diiii-buh." Zim rolled his lensed eyes. "But I wouldn't be so boastful if I were you. I'VE saved your miserable planet to meet its doom at MY aMAZing hands, MANY, many, MANY more times than YOU, you self-announced Earth-defender."
Dib snorted indignantly. "Oh please. I've been a secret agent defender of Earth since before you ever REACHed Earth, Zim." He glared dangerously at the Irken. "You don't know anything. I mean, come ON. That time you used the Temporal Object Replacement Unit--"
Fausta's eyes widened considerably. "WHAT!? That Irken was STUPID, MORONIC, IDIOTIC, FOOLISH...." This list went on for a while. You'd think she'd memorized the thesaurus.
"....enough to ALTER TIME???"
The Human nodded. The Irken looked as if he'd been stabbed, and he were trying to hold his pain.
"Yeah, and he actually killed me, but my dad brought me back with some freaky robot technology. I was THIS CLOSE to smashing that evil little alien!!" He held his fingers a hundredth of a millimeter away from each other.
Zim feigned a confident snort. "Huh! That comes nowhere NEAR the time I used nano-technology to destroy the Human's brain! Hahaha!! I had the worm-baby hopping around like the dull-witted Guhsqueedasplorch*!! Lazered that arm-control nerve in his belly as crispy as the DISGUSTing Human fried-bird-DIRT he eats! Wah hahaha!!"
*I really dun think I spelled this right. The creature Zim mentioned from 'Abducted'.
"Wait. Do Humans HAVE an arm-control nerve in their bellies?" Fausta wondered.
"I don't THINK they do," Dib replied.
"Of COUUURSE they have arm-control nerves in their bellies!! Where ELSE would they be??" Zim responded.
"Well, he DOES have a point there," The Wing stated.
"Whatever. Anyway, that little stunt winded his nano-ship and him, totaled and down the sewers." Dib smirked evilly.
Fausta caught this look. "NOOOO..." she said, delighted, shocked, and disgusted by the Human's maliciousness all at the same time. "You DIDN'T!!!"
The unwavering smirk on Dib's visage said otherwise.
The Wing began to laugh hysterically, covering her near-mouth-splitting grin with her gloved hands.
Zim, however, seemed less than amused. "Fool Earthenoids! That trifle is NOTHING compared to the time I foiled your plot of destroying my mighty base and captured you, the time I sent you and the rest of the Bitters's class into a wormhole, the time I had you caged with the monkey for days, AND when I transformed you into the bologna that you are deep down inside!!"
"Wow." Fausta looked semi-impressed. "Tampering with wormholes and Earth creatures??"
Dib shook his head. "FOUR things, Zim! One- my LITTLE SISTER got me out of your stupid space...-thing. TWO- I RESCUED Bitters's class--"
"A foolish move," the Irken commented, interrupting.
"Yeah, well..." Dib glared at his alien rival. "That's not the point!! THREE- I ESCAPED from your cruddy cage. And FOUR- I turned YOU into bologna as well! Hah! I can still remember you screaming 'I'm bliiiiind!!' when the bologna meats were beginning to fuse with your eyes!"
Zim growled. "In any case, Human! When's the last time you even came CLOSE to destroying ME, the supERior being!? Is it only ZIM who excells in warfare!? HAH! My MegaDoomer would've doomed you GOOD if only this PITiFUL planet had a decent power source!!"
Dib snorted dismissively. "Whatever! That this was just STUPID! It couldn't even cloak you or the power cord! And the very next day, was that wonderful lice incident!" He began to laugh evilly.
"Huh?" Fausta asked. "I'm sorry, but my knowledge of Earth isn't PERfect, so, um... what're lice?"
"Ugh!! Horrible, disGUSTing little .....BUUUGS...!!! In FILTHY Human HAIIIRR....!!" Zim answered for Dib.
"Eww. Soundz weird!" Fausta commented, giggling.
"AND," Zim continued. "If it wasn't for my great, superior skin, you and the rest of your sad, sad world would have been DOOMed by that Lice Queen!!"
"Wow, I had no idea Zim's saved Earth so many times!" the Wing exclaimed. "It almost makes me guilty that I'm going to conquer it after all his hard work!"
Ah. And so approximately an hour passed, Zim and Dib trying to out-talk the other with their past adventures, and Fausta listening attentively.
*** And so, after an hour of Dib's and Zim's storytelling
The hour ended with very high negative sentiments between the Human and Irken. The Wing, however, was all too happy and cackly.
"Grrrr..." The Dib-Human spun away from the Irken, and the Irken did likewise as well.
"So, what about you, Fausta? Any wacky stories for us to hear that we don't already know?"
The Wing shrugged. "Ah, I've lived a pretty dull life. Created in the Underworld, shipped off to some insanely strict training center in Avis, then after I turned fourteen, was sent over here." She sighed. "Ta da! My life story."
Dib and Zim exchanged odd glances.
"Well, then what do you know about the supernatural and stuff?" Dib questioned further. "You DID mention it earlier."
"Oh yeah," she replied. "Well, the Great Sir Marcellus did extensive research on ghosts and poltergeists in the Underworld some hundred years ago. And he made lots of nifty anti-spook equipment."
"Psh. Could've used something like that when Zim and I were trapped in my head," Dib commented.
Suddenly, the soft yellow classroom lights began to flicker and turned a deep red.
"U.F.O. ALERT, U.F.O. ALERT," began to repeat in an annoyingly cheap computerized voice, over and over again, while the crimson lights flashed.
The chalkboard disappeared to reveal a complex-looking computer panel, and Mister Bitters immediately went to attend to it, an actual nervous expression across his decrepit face.
"UFOes!?" Dib cried, flinging himself towards the window.
The entire room was now quivering violently; something large was coming fast. The rains were not lightening up any either. Yeesh~!!
"What's going on?!?" Zim demanded shakily. The Irken leapt up reluctantly to the window as well.
Fausta, intrigued, followed in suit just in time to see a large ship slam forcefully into the field outside. "Who is it, guys??" she asked, squeezing herself between the two to get a good view. The rains made it hard to see, but the three could make out an Irken figure climbing out of his or her ship.
------------------------------
pureVENOM: Whew. That only took forever to write. Ah, very nice time to finish as well, since the new episodes 'MegaDoomer' and 'Lice' were just on! Ah, the loveliness!! The Countess is SO kewl! And Tenn!! OMG!! Poor Ms. Bitters!! Poor Invader Tenn!!
A QUESTION FOR DA READER:
Say, it was originally going to be Invader Scoodge that appears next, but now I'm stuck between him and the unfortunate Invader Tenn. Should it be Invader Tenn or Invader Scoodge who emerges from that ship?? Either way, the other will appear later on, but whatever!
LESSON OF THIS CHAPTER:
If your principal SAYS the skool's gonna flood eleven inches, then dog-gone-it! It's GONNA FLOOD ELEVEN INCHES!!
Whee!! Bye bye!!